Summary: Because no matter what they say, it's hard being born into the Zoldyck family. – The Zoldyck children, their life, and how there is so much more to them than simply the death count on their blood-stained fingertips.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hunter X Hunter.

Blood Ties

First Child: Illumi

Despite being assassins, they each have the most human of desires: Illumi looks to be rewarded for his dedication, Milluki silently begs to be understood, Killua wishes to be normal, Alluka wants acceptance, and Kalluto craves approval.

In the beginning, there is only trust.

When Illumi is born, he remembers opening his eyes for the very first time and reaching out to the dark-haired woman who is holding him—his mother.

"He's beautiful," he hears Kikyo murmur, and though he has no idea what the words mean yet, it is the only time he has every truly felt beautiful.

He feels himself being moved as his mother—her fingers brush against his soft cheeks and he wonders, why are her nails so sharp?—passes him over to the silver-haired man beside her, whom Illumi can only guess is his father, before he carries him out of the room.

It doesn't take him long to realize that his trust is misplaced.

His training starts right away, immediately. He is exposed to a dark room full of sharp and pointy objects, metal chains hanging from the ceiling, a variety of whips placed conveniently on a table by the entrance to be used at any time. Years later, he will learn that this area is called the Isolation Room, and he will remember it as the place filled with sobs and screams and blood and punishment; the place where he gave up his humanity in order to make the pain stop.

And even later, much later, when the electrocutions no longer affect him and the poisons don't paralyze him anymore, he will return here one day, not to be tortured, but to do the torturing. He will have the honour of making his younger brothers experience the same things he went through every day, every week, every year. First Milluki, then Killua, then Kalluto…

When he thinks about that fact, he smiles because oh, dear brothers, how he looks forward to getting to know each of them one by one.

.

At thirteen, his mother and father call everyone to gather together for a family meeting. The room is cold, like anywhere else in the Zoldyck mansion, and it is here that Killua is officially announced to be the next heir.

Thirteen-year-old Illumi is furious. Had he just heard them correctly? He is the oldest, the strongest, the one who has endured the most training, and not mention the most capable—and yet, a mere four-year-old is going to be promoted before him? The dark-haired assassin's eyes darken. This is absurd.

One glance over at Killua shows him that his brother is barely even paying attention to what's going on. It makes him fume. "Mother, father—"

"Illumi," Silva cuts him off, voice authoritative as always, "from now on, you will be in charge of training Killua until he becomes a respectable assassin. With your current skills, I'm sure it well be no problem." The man gives him the slightest indication of a smile and Illumi can't help but feel a sense of pride swell up in his chest at the compliment. (So then why isn't he good enough? Why isn't he going to be the heir?) "Tomorrow, you will bring your brother along with you on your next job and you will accompany him during his first kill. Do you understand?"

Illumi grits his teeth. "Yes, father."

"Good," Silza nods in approval, and the meeting is adjourned.

The next day, Illumi still doesn't get what mother and father see in his brother. He is practically dragging along the four-year-old up the stairs of their target's house because Killua is just a kid and kids have the attention span of five seconds and they're curious about everything and honestly, Illumi didn't sign up for a babysitting job.

"Come on, Kil," he doesn't bother hiding the harsh edge in his voice as he grabs the boy's arm, squeezing hard, causing the young Zoldyck to wince. If he didn't have to bring his brother here, he would've already finished the assassination long ago.

After a painful ten minutes—ten minutes too long—they finally make it to their target's bedroom. The two brothers stand beside the bed as they watch the rhythmic breathing of the man, and Illumi doesn't have to tell Killua to be silent or to conceal his presence; they have completely blended in with the shadows and even if someone were to walk into the room, no one wouldn't have noticed them.

Illumi assess Killua's technique. He is perfectly still, a neutral expression on his face as he observes the sleeping figure on the bed. The teen recalls that on their way here, the young heir's footsteps had been light as he stepped on creaky floorboards without even making an echo of a sound. Impressive, but all this should be as easy as breathing for an assassin of his age.

In a low whisper, he gives the order, "Kill him."

Barely a second passes before Killua drives a clawed hand through the sleeping man's throat. In a swift action, he shakes the fresh blood off his fingers and turns to face Illumi with a smile, beaming. "I got him in one shot! What do you think, aniki? How did I do?" And although the older sibling's face is still expressionless, he is shocked on the inside because there had been no hesitation whatsoever and, if anything, the boy seems to be excited about ending a man's life.

His eyes harden. He understands now—understands why Killua was chosen as the heir. "You did… well," he admits and the white-haired boy's grin widens. On the way back home, Killua is a ball of energy, bouncing with pride as he chatters on nonstop to himself about how he can't believe that killing someone is so easy! and aniki, why didn't you tell me this was so much fun?

When they arrive back at home, Illumi goes to report to his father. There is a knowing look on the man's face.

"What are your observations, son?" Silva asks.

Illumi thinks back to how Killua's hand didn't shake as it plunged into living flesh; how he might already be well on his way to mastering Rhythm Echo, an assassination technique that requires precise control of his footsteps—another skill called Shadow Step—and complete concentration of the user. He was able to put his speed to use and showed no signs of discomfort at the sight of blood, something that cannot be said for when Milluki made his first kill.

The eldest son bows his head and feels his anger for being overlooked as the next successor subsiding. "I will train him into a worthy heir."

Silva gives him the smallest of smiles. Illumi is dismissed.

A/N: It is goddamn hard to write Illumi. I can't get into his head. Oh myyy, I hope I did him justice.

This is going to be a five chapter series where I go through each of the Zoldyck children one by one, from oldest to youngest.

Next chapter is Milluki. I hope you stick around until the end!

~Madin456.