Emma Carstairs was in the training room when she realized that she was running late for the meeting Helen set up that same morning while they were having breakfast. When Emma was practicing she usually didn't care about time or when she run late for one silly meeting, but Helen was so reiterative that morning that now she was more than curious about what she had to say.

She was being so solitaire those last days, she knew that the anniversary of her parent's death was just around the corner and when that time of the year came she blocked herself from the world, even now she couldn't stand the fact that they weren't there anymore, and that she wasn't going to see them again. That she couldn't say goodbye.

She threw the last knife to the wall, hitting the right spot, just in the middle and a gracious smile was drawn in her face.

Emma started walking towards the library, that's where they usually met when they had to plan some attack or just discuss things about the Clave. She was in her training suit and she didn't bother to stop by her room to fix her hair or change clothes, she was living with shadowhunters, and shadowhunters were looking messy all the time. If they were not defeating demons they were training, if they were not trying to save mundanes they were training, and if they were not trying to keep peace with the Downworlders they were training.

That's how interesting her life was.

Although she was glad of the life she had she couldn't stand being held to the Clave, always following their damn rules; she wanted to travel the world, she wanted to find the person who murdered her parents and make him or her suffer like they did with her.

Emma was a lonely child, an orphan, and she couldn't help thinking that she would feel that way until she avenged her parents.

When she entered the library Helen was sitting on the edge of the table, already talking, giving some sort of speech, and when she saw Emma she paused, giving her a severe look.

"You are late."

Emma ignored her words; she picked a chair and sat there, just waiting for her to continue with her speech.

Helen rolled her eyes.

"As I was saying, we think we are under some sort of danger, this attacks keep happening again and again, and they all carry the same mark. Whenever a Downworlder or a Shadowhunter dies their skins are engraved with fire, and the mark is a kind of Greek letter, or so it seems to be." Helen began to move a photo around the table, there was not only Julian's uncle but to her surprise there were some members of the Clave, and Emma recognized the red haired girl who was sitting next to Helen as it was Clary Fairchild. She wondered why her husband was not with her, they seemed to do everything together. "The attacks began here in Los Angeles and we're hoping not to go further and, of course, not reach Idris." At that time Emma reached for the photo with the mark Helen was talking about, and his skin crawled completely. There was something about that symbol that it was too familiar, the mark took her to the past and she didn't know why but she was sure it was related to the murder of her parents.

It could not be a coincidence.

It could not.

Not this time.

"We felt that the few Shadowhunters that were here at the Institute could handle the situation but, as you can see, this matter is more serious than we had predicted. That is why I would like to personally thank you for being here and you are more than welcome to stay in our bedrooms."

They all nodded, and Emma knew she was going to spend all week trying to evade any member of the Clave as she was not in the mood and had no energy to deal with them.

"Well, that's all for today," Helen concluded. "Tomorrow we will meet early in the morning to do research groups and divide us for clues about the murders that were already carried out. Thank you all for coming. You are free to go."

When most people stood Emma immediately noticed the absence of her parabatai since she could not find him anywhere.

He hurried to reach Helen and stopped her before she left the library.

"Where is Julian?"

"Julian had another task." It was all Helen said. Emma knew she was upset because he had not respected their schedule but her eyes begged her to say more. "One of the Lightwood's cousin will stay at the Institute and I asked Julian to make her a tour and guide her to her bedroom since, for now, she is the only one who has confirmed her stay here at the Institute. I didn't want to be a bad hostess and Julian did not seem to have any problem."

Emma tried to utter a word but she was speechless, she did not understand why she felt so angry because her parabatai was not with her, or rather, he was with another.

"And now how is he going to know about everything that is going on?" Emma asked indignantly. "Julian will have no idea! We have to inform him, we must warn him of the attacks and ..."

Helen opened her eyes wide and completely interrupted her.

"Emma, he is already aware of everything." Helen's voice was calm, trying to reassure her as it seemed she had lost her head. "Don't worry, Aria already took care of that."

And without saying anything else Helen retired from the library, leaving Emma perplexed, with a bitter taste in her mouth and with a huge desire to go across "Aria's" throat with a seraph knife.

Emma knew she had no reason to freak out, she had no right to do so. Julian was free to be with whoever he wanted, to date as many "Aria's" as he wanted, but she could not help but feel a strange anger growing from her feet and staying like a wild fire right above her chest.

She was burning and not in a good way. She knew herself perfectly, and she was well aware when she was about to explode or about to hurt any moving object that cross her path.

To make everything even worse, when she entered the training room to clear her head, Julian was standing right there, showing her favorite place to another girl, and she felt like he was sharing all her secrets with this stranger, like he was betraying her.

She stood frozen at the door, she couldn't decide if she wanted to stay or if she wanted to jump a cliff and die. Now, Aria was giving Julian a seductive smile and he was about to correspond her gesture when he realized that Emma was standing at the door.

He froze too.

"Emma"

Aria turned and gave her a smile too.

"Are you Emma?" Aria approached her, she wasn't sure why was she doing that, Emma wasn't a very social person and she could not hide her disgust towards her. "I've heard so much about you, I mean, about your childhood and all."

Oh, she did not just say the C word.

Now that Emma could have a look at her she was even more jealous. Aria was as beautiful as all the Lightwood were, with dark hair and big matching eyes. She was wearing her training suit as well, but she had made some changes to it, and you could admire her long legs and her developed body. She was certainly one of the most gorgeous girls Emma had met in her entire life.

She couldn't believe she was just thinking that, but she couldn't help to do it.

She was sure Jules felt the same way.

"Yeah, I guess that's me." she said, her voice never sounded so defeated. Julian tried to meet her gaze but she completely avoided it. "Sorry I interrupted; I didn't think anyone was here." She took three steps back, almost reaching the hallway. "I'll leave you two alone."

Emma didn't think twice when she exited the training room and started running towards her bedroom. She held some tears, she wasn't supposed to cry when her parabatai was flirting with another girl, and she wasn't supposed to get jealous if he smiled or kissed another girl.

Just the thought of Julian doing all those things gave her nausea.

She reached her bedroom in a matter of seconds, and when she entered it she closed the door and she rested her back in the cold metal. She tried to breath normally again, retrieving the air she had lost in that room. Her legs were starting to fail and she let herself slide against the door. When she reached the floor she hid her head between her thighs while she closed her eyes.

She was so messed up.

She knew perfectly what all this reaction had meant. Emma couldn't hide her feelings anymore, she was being so evident when members of the Clave where two bedrooms away, watching every movement she made.

Why did she feel that way? Why couldn't she fall in love with someone that was good for her?

But, deep inside her heart, she knew Julian was the best man she will ever meet. Jules was her soulmate, not only did he know everything about her, but Emma felt like he owned half of her heart, he had ripped a piece of it and he was holding it every time they were together.

That's how parabatai should feel. Like someone else owns part of your heart, that someone else is your other half.

And yet Emma was not satisfied with that feeling.

She wanted more.

She wanted everything with Julian; she wanted to share her love, her sorrows, her sacrifices and her mistakes. She wanted to be her partner in battle, in war…her partner for life.

She started realizing she was crazy to feel that way, she was mad if she thought that she could change a law made by the Clave, she was even more insane to think that Julian felt the same way.

Then, she heard a knock on her door.

"Well, you are here." She pointed out, watching as Julian rested his body by the wall.

"Where else would I be?"

"I don't know. Maybe giving Aria her beloved tour." she said, avoiding his eyes completely.

"Why are you acting like this?" he asked, this time, meeting her gaze.

She crossed her arms and gave him a stern look.

"Are you kidding me? You missed the meeting!"

"Yeah, like you even care about that."

"I was hoping you were there to discuss about tomorrows assignment, you know they will divide us in groups and well…" she raised an eyebrow. ", I was hoping my parabatai would be there to back me up."

Julian knew her perfectly and she realized he was not buying any word Emma said.

He entered the room and closed the door behind him.

"Let's try this again" he said. "This time you could really try and tell me the truth."

Emma was sure she was blushing now; what would she say? Why couldn't he understand he didn't want to know the real reason why she was fuming about that girl?

"It's better if I don't tell you." She muttered. "Trust me in this one."

Julian was staring at her now, his blue eyes analyzing every inch of her face, he was admiring her as she was some piece of art and now Emma was starting to feel nervous.

"Let me guess…" his voice sound playful. "You didn't like the Lightwood girl."

Emma rolled her eyes.

"It's not that I don't like her, I just don't want strangers living in the Institute."

Julian was about to crack up because of her words.

"Yeah, that's it." Now he was laughing, one hand on his stomach. "You don't want strangers living in the Institute. That's hilarious."

Emma glared at him.

"Julian, I'm serious about this. Stop laughing!"

Her parabatai reached her with both of his arms and gave one step towards her, holding her whole body against his.

Emma was trying to breathe when he said; "I think I already know why you are acting insane."

"I'm not acting insane."

"Yes, you are. A little bit."

"Well…A little bit."

Now Julian was stroking his hands on her arms, and when he reached her face he caressed every corner of it, drawing little circles in her temples and on her cheeks.

Emma was starting to warm up and her heart was beating so fast she wondered if Julian could feel it against his chest.

"She was beautiful, you know." Emma said, trying to sound serene. "I think she is one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen."

Julian shook his head.

"No, I don't think she is." Her parabatai hold her chin with his hand, making her eyes meet his in just seconds. "I'm staring at the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

Emma knew that her world had collapsed just in that second. She was replaying his words again and again in her head and she thought she was dreaming or maybe someone had given her some kind of hallucination drug.

"Julian…they are boundaries, you know that."

She didn't care. She didn't want to think there was something, well, someone who was stopping this man to hold her like he was doing it right in that moment. Emma loved the way she felt with him, how their bodies were like a puzzle, matching every piece like they were destined to be together.

He was closer now, Emma didn't know how that was possible but she could feel his breathe against her and their noses collided, meeting each other in the way.

He closed his eyes.

Emma did the same thing.

"You know I can't stop when you are this close to me, Emma." Julian's lips were kissing her neck and they reached her cheeks in seconds, admiring every corner of her face, like she was some kind of goddess. "I won't let go of you."

In that moment Emma realized Julian's heart was beating just as fast as her was. She could feel it against her chest and when his lips met hers, she thought their hearts were about to explode.

All this time she was worrying about Julian falling in love with someone else, she was driving her crazy with the thought of him with the Lightwood girl.

She was being so stupid.

Now she knew how he felt, how Julian was dealing with the exact same feelings she had.

What would they do?

They couldn't hide this forever. They just couldn't.

It was impossible.

And yet she could not stop kissing the boy who was in front of her, she could not get over the fact that now Julian had pinned her against the wall and was kissing her desperately, as if there were no tomorrow.

He wrapped one of his arms around her waist, bringing her even closer to his body, and holding the back of his neck with the other one.

Emma felt like she was in paradise.

He bit her lower lip and she moaned against his mouth; his eyes were burning, full of desire. Full of love.

"Are you sure about this?" she gasped, between kisses. "I can't… we can't…"

Julian took a deep breath and looked at her the same way he did when her parents died, with the same childish tenderness, with the same pure love.

"You know why I accepted Helen's task? Do you think I didn't want to be by your side in the meeting? I knew that members of the Clave would be there and you would get all sentimental about them. I knew you were going to be late." A little smile was drawn in Julian's face. "It's like I know everything about you, Emma. Every move you'll make, every time you get angry, or jealous, or you are grateful for something I just…know. It's like you are part of me in so many ways."

"I am part of you, Julian." She extended her arm, right where there loyalty rune was. "We are parabatai."

Now he was touching the rune with his fingers and his eyes fell right there, where he had drawn that rune, where they had sworn loyalty to each other like brothers did.

"Don't you think I already know that, Em?" he asked. He started playing with her hair like he did when they were children and they just laid in Julian's bed until they felt asleep. "I know what we are. You know it too. But you also know this is different for us, we are not like the other parabatai's."

Emma closed her eyes, trying to accept the fact that now they were both aware of their feelings, of their love for each other. And it was so wrong, in many ways, they were breaking so many laws Emma couldn't count them all with her fingers.

Yet she wanted to stay like this forever. She wanted his parabatai to hold her until her last days.

"I accepted the task because I knew a Lightwood was coming to the Institute and you know what they say about Lightwood girls. They are beautiful, just as Isabelle, or Aria herself. I had the stupid idea that if I could meet her and maybe realize she was not a bad girl, that she was gorgeous and a great Shadowhunter just maybe I would fall for her. That, maybe, I could stop thinking about you all the goddamn day."

Now it was her who approached him, she held his face between her hands and started giving him little kisses in his lower lip as he closed his eyes to enjoy the feeling.

"And could you?" Emma asked joking. "She helped you forget about me?"

Julian opened his eyes and looked deep inside her soul.

"I think you already know the answer for that question, Emma Carstairs" He kissed her ear until he reached her face again. "It took me about five minutes to tell her I wasn't feeling good and that I wanted to rest. Surprise, surprise. In a blink of an eye I was knocking at your door."

Emma rested her arms around his neck, laying her head against the wall while she bit her lip.

"When I saw you with her I really thought I was losing you."

Jules gave Emma a kiss on her forehead. He hugged her and rested his chin on her head, both of their bodies as close as they could get.

While they were hidden in a bedroom in the middle of the Institute her parabatai whispered;

"I'm forever yours, Em."