Kate slammed her hands on the steel table and leaned in close trying to not to close her eyes as his scent invaded her senses. "People are dead Mr Castle," she said knowing full well that he was getting a peek down her blouse in her current position.

"I'm not asking for the bodies just the pictures." God the goofy face he made just made her want to grab his lapels and mash her lips to his but she maintained her facade.

"I think we're done here!" She group out and picked up the Tisdale and Fisk folder and stomped out of the room.

Closing the door she leaned back on it and shut her eyes for a moment. That had been harder than she had thought it would be. After spending almost every waking moment and most of her sleeping ones in his presence it had been disconcerting, to say the least, to wake up alone in her double bed in her old apartment which had been blown up by Scott Dunn.

She had screamed out loud as she spotted herself in the mirror in her room, thinking she was having a nightmare as she grasped at her short and maroon highlighted locks. Her first instinct had been to call Castle but the number that she knew he had was disconnected, she recognized the phone in her hand though; it was a flip phone she had still hung onto refusing to give in to the smartphone craze, she had owned that phone over six years ago, as she took in her impossible surroundings and her external appearance and her old phone it all clicked and she had sat rocking in her bed, tears flowing freely, in deep denial as the thought came to mind that the last seven years had all been a dream, she refused to believe it until she had gotten the call from Espo.

He said it was a weird one. 'Beckett flavored' as he put it and somehow it gave her a sense of deja vu. She almost called in sick knowing if she asked then Espo and Ryan would happily give her a break and take over but something made her get up and take her shower.

Methodically she rubbed her cherry scented shampoo in her hair, her disturbingly short, spikey hair. What had possessed her to style her hair like that anyway? She had loved growing out her hair again especially seeing the effect it had on Castle; he loved playing with her hair, when the sun had brought out the natural golden highlights in her normally dark locks he had almost swooned, and when she leaned over him and her hair fell around them cocooning them in their own little bubble as they made love... It couldn't have been a dream it just couldn't have been.

But the evidence was all there; she had been feeling particularly melancholy that night and had fell asleep reading her mother's copy of In A Hail of Bullets and the half empty bottle of wine was quite telling... But no; she had a good imagination but there was no way she had made those years up, moments that she remembered being the happiest she had ever been with Castle and Alexis and Martha; her little family, the life she had made for herself. It was just not possible.

Just two weeks ago she had been planning another dramatic birthday bash for Castle, Alexis again her co-conspirator, she blinked through the tears mixing with the scalding water on her face and frowned. Was that it? Was this some sort of elaborate prank set up by the gang and engineered by Castle to get back at her for his birthday surprise. No Castle would never be that cruel to her, he loved her so much that even the chance that she might take his pranks the wrong way and push him away deterred him from even attempting them on her.

She ran her thumb down the valley of her breasts and felt the unblemished skin under her touch. She felt the sob escape her as she shuddered in grief at all she had suddenly lost. God she had hated that scar ever since she had gotten it but to find it gone after having it twitch and sting her chest for over four years now seemed to confirm the fact that somehow, someway her and her husband, Beckett and Castle, Kate and Rick, Caskett; hadn't happened. It was all a construct of her mind? How?

What was she going to do now without her anchor?

Without her reason?

Without her Always?

She was gasping for breath by the time she managed to exit the crime scene, it was all the same; the body, the roses, the sunflowers, Lanie and the boys, all the same. She had a hard time responding to them and their questions and only just managed to do her job properly without tipping them off.

What the hell was going on?

This seemed to be the perfect time for Castle to chime in with one of his theories. Wait. Castle. She was supposed to go bring him in for questioning but with her flabbergasted mind she hadn't even hinted at the boys that she knew where the crime scene had been lifted from.

Her heart was pumping double time. She had been right, he life hadn't been a dream. Somehow she had been transported back seven years to the day she met Castle, or maybe she had had a seven year long premonition about upcoming events in her life? Out of the two the time travel scenario seemed more plausible. Her eyes widened as she went over her ruminations again. Castle's influence must be getting to her if she was thinking about time travel and premonitions as plausible scenarios now.

God if she was transported to the past then she had to ensure that things played out exactly as the last time if she wanted that future with her husband. Well close to the exactly the same. The thought of Sorenson, Demming and Josh made bile rise in her throat same with thoughts of Meredith, Gina and God forbid Jacinda. Nope if she was being given a second chance there was no way she was going to stand on the sidelines and watch him bed other women. Castle was hers in whatever timeline and she was going to make sure he would be hers forever. Always.

This time she arrived at the book launch well before it started and tried to scope him out before the hoards arrived. He wasn't there yet and she skulked around trying to be inconspicuous as she shot daggers at Gina and Paula as they collaborated to prepare for the fans arrival. Castle had freely admitted he had slept with Paula, now she wondered; had that happened before or after they had met, well if it hadn't happened yet it sure as hell wasn't going to happen now.

Gina had cast a suspicious glance at her then dismissed her as an early bird fan-girl, which let's be honest; she kind of was. She didn't really hate Gina but after that Hamptons/Demming fiasco she could never really like the stunning publisher.

She followed Castle's personal harpies as they walked out towards the entrance of the hotel and awaited Castle's arrival.

His red Ferrari screeched around a turn and came to dramatic halt as the door opened and the man himself emerged from the flashy car. Right on time.

He was a vision to her, decked in a dark coat with a light shirt underneath and large sunglasses hiding what was probably sleep deprived red eyes, he never looked more beautiful to her. She immediately smiled as she caught herself imagining voicing her thoughts to him; Ruggedly handsome, he would whine and try to get him to stop calling her something girly as beautiful but he was, a sight for sore eyes and hers were bleeding for him.

Somehow she felt his gaze sought her out and she turned her head at the right moment so that she was hidden behind a wall of fangirls. She didn't know why but she wanted his first glance at her to be the same as when they first met, when she was hauling him in for interrogation.

She had left an impression on him at that introduction, she knew because he had confided in her about it during one of their numerous pillow talks, he couldn't get the sight of her holding a badge and sarcastic smile as she spoke to him in that sexy tone that only she could pull off, out of his head. It did wonders for her ego and of course led to a particularly risqué bout of love making so she wanted this to go as smoothly as the last time. If Richard Castle wanted an impression then she was going to deliver her very best.

So she slugged through Gina's speech all the while surreptitiously following her husband, because he was her husband and that was that, who was working his way through the throng of barely legal and some actually illegal women but there was something curious about him.

She had tried to steel her heart against the inevitable flirting and signing of chests and other appendages that would precede his usual book launch parties at this time of his life but curiously he wasn't doing those things at all; anyone who didn't have a book, didn't get a signature and anyone who flirted with him was gently and kindly rebuffed. It was disconcerting and so not the Richard Castle she had met for the first time. Of course he was still larger than life, engaging his fans and keeping them happy and on their toes but he seemed restrained, it was odd.

When Gina announced him though, he took the stage just like before presenting himself arrogantly and nodded to the flashes of cameras and shouts from reporters alike and Kate had to hide her grin at seeing her husband in his element.

Soon he was off the stage and posing for the paparazzi with his ex wife, her back was turned to him so that she could hear their conversation but he couldn't see her. Kate winced at the biting words shared between the writer and his publisher, the bitterness between them made her wonder how they worked so well together, moreover how in the hell did they end up taking a vacation together? Oh right because she was hiding her feelings behind Tom Freaking Demming.

She spotted a shock of red hair and smiled at her step daughter whose nose was buried in a text book paying no mind to the party or her doting grandmother. She had grown so close to Martha in the years spent as her daughter in law and now she had to work her way back up in the eyes of them both. She glances back at her husband who was delivering a last ditch dig to Gina and smiled; he was worth it.

Kate shadowed her shadow over to the bar where he berated his mother for interfering with his work and smiled as Alexis backed her father up at Martha's nonchalant attitude over talking to Gina about his work. She had experienced first hand Martha's well intentioned but entirely too involved method of showing her love. But she didn't mind, long ago having accepted Martha for who she was.

She rolled her eyes at her mother in laws diva ways as Martha went 'fishing' as she put it then smiled at the interaction between father and daughter which was entirely too cute and adorable what with the role reversal; Castle whining and Alexis chiding. She did frown at him offering his daughter, a minor, champagne but shrugged knowing that he must have known she would reject it out of reflex.

"I just wish that for once someone would come up to me and say something new."

And that was her cue she reached out and tapped him on the shoulder. "Mr Castle?" She asked expectantly pulling out her badge. She was not disappointed.

He twirled around sharpie in hand asking. "Where would you like it?"

She tried to keep her smile in check but was sure some amusement leaked out. "Detective Kate Beckett NYPD. We'd like to ask you a few questions about a murder that took place earlier tonight."

She opened her eyes and stalked to the viewing room staring across the glass at her husband who was looking down at his hands the cocky, goofy smile no longer present.

She immediately felt a little bad for hazing him in there, she knew why he acted the way he did; half of it was expectations from Gina and Paula, his playboy persona sold books and that was that, the other half was that he believed he was on his way down and she knew no none beat himself up when he was down more than Rick Castle.

He had lost his inspiration and was struggling with his writing, coming off of a tumultuous divorce and being forced to still work with his ex, it all culminated into a very frustrated Castle. And of course he internalized it all, she was his outlet and she didn't take on that role completely until they got together so right now all those feelings of resentment, anxiety, hopelessness combined with a lack of inspiration and constant badgering from his ex wife and mother made for a very unhappy Castle.

She had ways to make him happy but right now the most she could do was allow him to work with her without making it seem like she wanted him there. Castle loved a challenge and he considered taming her to be one of his greatest challenges that he had overcome. She never told him that she was mostly putting up a front as a means to fight her intense attraction towards him. She chose to let him believe that he had worn her down when in truth she had always been his. And him? Hers. Always.

She came out of the room and nodded at Espo to drop Castle home and sighed as she sat down at her desk wishing she could go home with him. She loved him so much and hated being apart from him for so long. A night alone was so not what she needed right now. Her focus was out as she ruminated but then her gaze sharpened as she realized what she was looking at and gasped out loud.

She grabbed for the elephant figurine and fumbled with the top until the catch gave away and she lifted the lid to retrieve the small cassette hidden in the compartment.

She grinned as she stared at the tape before casting a furtive look at Montgomery's office, her boss and friend Roy. Roy the third cop who was protecting her by making a deal with the devil. She shook her head to clear it. Castle was her priority but if she could take down Bracken with this tape and her partners help without getting Roy killed then it was win win.

She tucked the tape in her purse and tapped it with her hand smiling to herself. Yes she needed to plan this out because justice for her mother was important but she realised that her life with Castle was just as important of not more; she had already gotten closure, had the pleasure of putting the cuffs on Bracken herself with Castle by her side, it was just a formality this time around.

She had no intention of carelessly throwing her life away fighting a losing battle and losing loved ones in the process. No she was smart and with Castle she had the best chance to nail Bracken and make it stick. She was going to be patient and careful and she was going to do this with her husband at her side once again. Until then she was willing to wait.

"I think we're done here."

Castle let out a breath as Detective Kate Beckett granted him a last disdainful glare then stomped out of the room, as soon as the door closed he let fall the cocky smirk and he rubbed a hand down his face. God that had been harder than he had anticipated, Kate so close to him, so young and undamaged and so vibrant. Yet discontent, closed off, angry and hurt, still hiding.

His love was hurting and she didn't even know she was his love. Right now she hated him, he couldn't believe how much that hurt and yet the fire in her made him fire up as well.

He will be back the next day and he will consult just like he did before and he will earn back her love just like before because he deserves it, because they both deserved it.

End Notes:

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