duende
.:salvation:.
chapter twelve
The comb argued with a snarl of hair giving her a painful yank. She winced and gave a gentle tug, repeating the process as many times as necessary. Slowly the tangles gave way to softness, allowing her the freedom to tie her hair back into a loose ponytail.
With the last of her morning routines suddenly finished, Sango's thoughts once again centered upon Kouga. The image of him leaning toward her, the feel of his mouth pressed against hers... the memory seemed to have as much power to make her heart quicken as the actual event did. She sighed deeply and felt her youth.
Last night she experienced her first kiss.
Sango frowned as she plucked stray hairs from the teeth of her comb. Technically, her first kiss was with Miroku and he kissed her the day he died. What she experienced with Kouga was completely different. The kiss she shared with the houshi was fleeting and bittersweet. Her memories of that kiss marked a painful end.
What she experienced last night was her first, real romantic kiss.
Instead of marking an end, it signified a beginning. Open-mouthed and passionate, it was intense. It was as she imagined what her first real kiss would be like... but also drastically different.
The man she shared her first kiss with was no man. He was youkai.
...and she was taiji-ya.
That reality suggested obvious problems, but her heart told her that none existed. Even so, her mind still questioned her relationship with the wolf, dampening her otherwise joyful memories of her first kiss. The conflicting swirl made the prospect of facing Kouga right away feel strangely intimidating. She needed time to think.
She couldn't stay cooped up in her home all day. The sun had only been up an hour, the day had barely begun... she didn't want Kouga to think she was trying to avoid him. Still, she needed something to do. Something she could do without waking Kouga, either from the noise or to request his help.
Hands on her hips, her eyes wandered the room aimlessly before settling on her dirty laundry. She'd put off performing the chore for the last couple of days and now the pile appeared quite intimidating. As much as she hated performing the chore, it would keep her busy until lunch. Plenty of time to torture herself with memories from the night before and the misgivings that bled from it.
Very quickly, she went to task, the back of her mind already entertaining difficult questions as she made her way toward the stream. The uncertainties dominating her thoughts were embarrassingly childish. She felt foolish simply entertaining them. Most young women her age were already married and starting a family.
Then again, Sango was not like most women and Kouga certainly was not like most men.
Whatever conventional wisdom advised for situations similar to hers no longer applied. Nor could she ask anyone for advice on such matters. She would have to wing it. She would have to figure out on her own what Kouga expected of her and hope that she got it right.
As if those concerns weren't troublesome enough, there was one minor curiosity that kept taunting her. It plagued her when she tried to sleep last night and again when she awoke the next day. The curiosity followed her as she prepared to wash her clothes and nagged at her as she scrubbed. From that point, it only grew more insistent. The moment she became absorbed in fighting with a particularly stubborn grass stain, it whispered once more.
'Does Kouga... love me?'
Her bottom lip caught between her teeth, Sango attacked that grass stain, pouring her agitation into it. Kouga certainly proclaimed his love for Kagome easily enough. He had yet to make such a declaration toward her. It wasn't until she tried to sleep last night that she made that particular realization and it troubled her. Not because she wanted him to throw himself at her as he did with Kagome... at least, not really...
She just wanted to know where his heart was.
Still, the fact that he so easily confessed his love for Kagome distressed her. Their relationship changed so quickly, Sango didn't know what to think or how to feel. Her inexperience with love and romantic relationships made her feel painfully apprehensive.
Squeezing the excess water from her garment and giving it a good shake, she hung it up to dry. Her relationship with Kouga was vastly different from the relationship Kagome had with him. One important detail was the fact that Kouga never tried to kiss Kagome. That obviously meant something. Even so, when she next saw him, how did he expect her to act?
Scenarios played themselves out in her mind as the minutes flowed into hours. Before long, all of her previously dirty clothes were hung and drying in the breeze. Legs stretched out before her and her face tilted toward the sun, Sango allowed herself a moment to relax. Her eyelids began to grow heavy when she felt him approach. She resisted the urge to turn and look at him until she heard her name.
"Sango."
In spite of the knowledge that he was behind her before he spoke, the taiji-ya cheeks still grew warm at the sound of his voice. Heart pounding madly in her chest, she turned to face him. "Hello, Kouga."
A lazy, disarming smile greeted her in reply and he sat down beside her, his body mere inches from her own. Tingles went up her spine when his hand embraced hers in a gentle squeeze. The gesture made her lips quirk upward as faint dimples appeared.
"You smell nice," he said softly, his eyes teasing her. "Like soap."
Sango smiled shyly, "I spent the morning washing my clothes."
"I see that. I would have helped you."
A doubtful expression crossed her features.
"What's with that look?" he asked, his hand still wrapped fondly around hers.
"Nothing," Sango said in false innocence, grinning comfortably.
"You don't think I know how to wash clothes?"
"I'm sure you know how to get clothes wet... and maybe you know what the soap is for..."
Kouga rolled his eyes, "Pft."
Sango laughed and squeezed his hand, her previous feelings of nervousness temporarily forgotten. "Have you ever washed clothes before?"
The wolf plucked at the blades of grass beside him and flicked bits of green into the air.
"Well?"
"...No."
"That's what I thought."
"I still would have helped you."
Sango smiled, knowing he was being sincere. "I know."
"Why didn't you come and get me?"
"I thought I'd let you sleep," she answered honestly. "We were up late..."
She trailed off when the truth flustered her. The way his thumb lazily moved across her knuckles was very distracting and she found herself focusing on the sensation. Tingles quickly gave way to worry as all the same questions that haunted her came roaring back.
His thumb stuttered and paused. She felt his eyes upon her and mentally cursed his acute senses. She was giving up far too many subtle cues she desperately wanted to hide.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
She spoke too quickly.
"Your cheeks are red."
"I feel warm."
"I can smell your sweat—"
"I'm not sweating!"
He smirked. "You just said you're warm..."
"Yes, but I'm not sweating."
"You're nervous."
"No, I just..." Sango trailed off, knowing it was pointless to deny it. "Yes."
His hand pulled away from hers. "Why? What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she said, embarrassment coloring her features as she regretted her admission.
Kouga gave her a look, one that expressed both his doubt and impatience.
Sighing, Sango busied herself with plucking imaginary lint from her clothes. "I was wondering... um, about what you said last night... you're going to live here? With me?"
Kouga's brows knitted together. "Of course."
"Then... what exactly are your intentions?"
"We went over this. I'm staying."
"I... that's, uh... not what I meant." She hesitated, groping for words. "What are your intentions toward me?"
His expression became a mixture of bemused confusion. "I have chosen you," he stated simply, cryptically.
Sango swallowed hard and looked away. She wondered if the sound of her heart pounding in her chest was as loud to Kouga as it was to her, "E-excuse me?"
"As my mate." Ignoring the look of shock on the taiji-ya's face, Kouga continued. "Or wife I guess. That's what you humans call it, right?"
"W-wife?! But I..! We--"
"I wouldn't have kissed you if I didn't intend to bind myself to you."
"You never kissed Kagome!" Sango regretted the words the instant she spoke them, but Kouga simply shrugged.
"Inuyasha was always in the way... and I knew Kagome wasn't ready."
Sango rubbed her temple, 'And I am?'
"Are you saying you do not wish to be my mate?"
"Well, I... no... I just..."
"Yes or no."
"I don't know!"
Kouga raised a brow, but said nothing. Not once did his smile waiver. The confidence he exuded became more aggravating by the second. How could he be so certain when she felt so confused? Everything about their relationship seemed to have changed in mere minutes. Sango wasn't sure if she should feel thrilled or terrified... or both.
"Marriage seems awfully fast, doesn't it?" she asked, glancing at him out of the corners of her eyes. "I mean, you just kissed me last night and now you're talking about binding yourself to me..."
"What's fast about it? I love you."
Sango jerked, her body suddenly rigid. She could only stare at him, her lips slightly parted and her heart threatening to explode. The ease and confidence in which he admitted his feelings left her feeling caught in a tailspin.
Suddenly her ability to look Kouga in the eyes became very difficult and she found herself staring at her lap. She expected a more comfortable answer from him. A simple, "We're a couple now" type confirmation. She never anticipated hearing an announcement about their future together.
Then again, perhaps she should have. Sango pressed her lips together. Kouga wasn't one to beat around the bush. When did he ever hold back on his thoughts and opinions? When did he ever devote himself to a cause or a belief in a casual manner? Kouga was deliberate... and he just told her that he loved her...
...and she was staring at her lap.
'Do I love him?'
She braved his gaze and nearly flinched. "Kouga, I..."
'Do I love him?'
"I don't know how I feel," her focus returned to her lap as she struggled for clarity. "This is so different. I don't want to tell you something and not mean it, but I think I—"
The sound of Kouga scenting the air interrupted her, forcing her to look at him again. Muscles tensed and ears twitching, he looked toward the village with a curious expression. His eyes seemed to pierce through trees and shrubs to focus on whatever phantom being he sensed. The change in his demeanor immediately derailed Sango's fumbling attempts to define her feelings as she watched Kouga stand. Hands clenched into fists, he headed toward the village without a word.
• • •
He appeared harmless at first. Then again, most humans appeared harmless to Kouga. This one was no exception. As far as the Yourouzoku prince could tell, he was just a travel-weary, old man who was probably looking to hire an exterminator. Unfortunately for him, Sango wasn't in any shape to work and Kouga wasn't done talking to her. The human's timing made him a nuisance. The old man would have to deal with whatever youkai problem he had on his own.
Eyes hard, the wolf stepped out of the shadows. The sudden and drastic change in the old man's expression when he spotted Kouga gave the wolf pause, but did not silence his tongue. "The taiji-ya can't help you."
The old man simply grunted and the dark expression grew.
Kouga turned to look at Sango when he heard her gasp. She didn't notice. Her attention focused solely on the stranger. Pale and wide-eyed, she brought a trembling hand to mouth. Speaking her name earned him a quick glance, but her attention remained focused on the human.
The wolf inhaled deeply, scrutinizing the interloper's scent. It felt vaguely familiar. Various wisps and eddies teased at him, warning him that he should recognize this scent... or at least place it, but it remained indefinable.
Perhaps he once had a run-in with a blood relative of the aged outlander? That would explain the ghost-like familiarity. But what of the tension he felt radiating from the woman beside him? She obviously knew the human and her agitation toward him only made Kouga feel more irritated.
"Oh, no."
Kouga glanced sharply at Sango. "Who is that?"
The human moved stiffly, indicating his age and weariness. The wolf's eyes lingered on the way the stranger's hand rested on the hilt of his sword before searching his face. Determination seemed to glow from his eyes.
"Who is that?" he demanded again.
"He's... I—" Sango swallowed hard and tried again, "He... He's the one who hired me to kill you."
Comprehension quickly spread across Kouga's features.
"You killed his son," Sango whispered hurriedly as Ichiro unsheathed his sword and stopped just a few feet away. The bitterness in his eyes as he looked at the taiji-ya solidified her sense of condemnation.
At the sight of metal glistening in the daylight, Kouga took a half step in front of the woman he chose as his mate, clearly indicating his protectiveness toward her. The gesture caused the human to pause as he grimaced with disgust. He held the sword to the side, tip up, threatening.
While his stance bore testimony to his skill, it was obvious to Kouga that the human lacked the speed needed to kill him. The wolf was in no danger of death. The taiji-ya was. Even though the majority of her wounds were healed, Sango was still weak. She wasn't ready for a life and death battle. Not physically and certainly not psychologically. The look in her eyes alone told him that she was completely unwilling to fight.
Kouga flexed his fingers, cracking his knuckles and showing off his claws. Ichiro did not flinch. He simply stared, his grip hardening around the hilt.
"No, wait!" Sango cried out in a rush as she desperately tried to think of a way to avoid a violent confrontation. Both males continued to size the other up. The intent etched in Ichiro's face clearly showed his resignation for vengeance and Kouga seemed more than happy to oblige him.
Hard, aged eyes turned toward her, causing Sango's mouth to go dry. She'd seen that same expression in her father's eyes, but never once was such a look directed toward her.
"I see all the stories I heard about how that oni came to be killed were true."
Sango's mouth opened and closed slowly, her mind as paralyzed as her larynx.
"Why is this monster still alive?"
Kouga trained his ears on Sango as he watched the stranger intently. He heard Sango's voice squeak as she tried to assert herself, but the human cut her off.
"You lied to me and my family. You lied to my village. And you have nothing to say to me?"
"I... He... he was... sick..."
"Sick!"
Sango tried to step toward Ichiro, but Kouga prevented her.
"Ichiro-san, please... Kouga isn't a killer. He was sick. He's not anymore."
"You are the one who is 'sick.'" Ichiro said, voice filled with disgust. "He is youkai."
"Ichiro-san, he is not a killer," she pleaded. "I've known him for a very long time. He was very sick when he killed your son. He was not himself."
Ichiro's jaw clenched as he eyed the girl. She really believed the thing beside her was not a killer. The taiji-ya had fallen for the lie that was its current form and grown to believe that it was as human as it currently appeared. For those reasons, he pitied her.
Even so, she still lied to him. By lying to him, she potentially endangered the entire village. She betrayed her family profession and dishonored herself.
Could she not see that?
"Sango," Ichiro began, his tone similar to the one he used when reprimanding his own children, "the thing standing next to you is youkai. It is not human, it is not your friend and it is not to be trusted." Ichiro did not hesitate when the youkai visibly bristled at his words, "It may look human, but it is not human and it needs to die before it hurts anyone else."
"You think you can kill me, old man?"the wolf prince asked.
"Kouga..."
"I would not have come here if I did not think that I could," Ichiro replied evenly, his eyes never leaving Sango's face.
The wolf snorted. "I'm ready."
The taiji-ya stepped away from Kouga, only to have him yank her back in place. She struggled against him, attempting to pry her arm from his grasp.
With a growl, he turned to look at her. "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?"
"Please, Kouga," she whispered, her eyes tear-bright. "Let me talk to him. Please."
His grip remained true as his lips formed a tight, thin line.
"Trust me," she pleaded. "Please."
He searched her face, his hold on her wrist slowly growing slack. "If he takes one step toward you," he warned, his words directed more toward Ichiro than her, "I'll rip him apart."
Swallowing hard, Sango quickly sidestepped the wolf and closed the distance between herself and Ichiro in a matter of seconds. Kouga growled low in his throat as she stood before the human with the unsheathed sword. Eyes wide with disbelief, Kouga watched as she fell on her knees before him and bowed low to the ground, the tip of her nose grazing the dusty earth.
"Please, forgive me Ichiro-san," Sango's tearful voice said into the dirt. "I lied to you and your family. This is my fault. Please do not take your vengeance out on Kouga."
She paused, expecting some sort of response. Silence seemed to mock her and she resisted the temptation to look up at him. Her fingers clenched at the dirt instead as she closed her eyes. "I— I wasn't lying to you when I said he was sick. He was. Please believe me when I tell you that he is not a killer. I've seen Kouga risk his life to protect others. He is not a threat to you or anyone else. I trust him... please... believe me, Ichiro-san."
"Why are you bowing before me?" he asked, his voice cold.
Sango floundered. "Be—because... I'm responsible."
"Did you plan my son's death?" he asked. "Was it a set up so that you could earn money as an exterminator?"
The taiji-ya's head snapped up, her expression horrified. "No! Of course not!"
"Then how is it that you are responsible?"
"I... I lied to you and your family. I was afraid that if I told you the truth, you'd kill him. I owed Kouga my life, I couldn't kill him then and I can't let you kill him now."
He glared at her, perturbed. "You are in no position to stop me."
"You will have to go through me to get to him," she whispered.
Rage filled Ichiro's eyes at once, "You would protect him like that!?"
"I—"
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he yelled, spittle flying from his mouth.
She flinched, speechless.
"Don't be so naïve! You, a taiji-ya no less. You should know better than this!"
Her fingers slowly curled into a fist as she willed herself to not cry.
"Look at it!" Ichiro pointed at the youkai as his eyes burned into hers. "It is not human and it is not your friend!"
Sango's mouth opened and closed. "Ichiro-san, you don't understand. I—"
"Is it normal for you to see people gutted or with half their face eaten off?"
Sango's shoulders began to shake.
"Is it?!" he spat.
"N-no." the reply came out choked, barely able to escape her sobs.
"Are you sure?"
"Please listen to me," Sango choked. "He's not what you think."
"What the hell is there for me to understand?" Ichiro countered as he leaned over her. "I think you're the one here who doesn't 'understand.' I found my boy... I found him like... like that and I stayed with him and waited for you Do you know why?"
The quivering of her lower lip and the tears the leaked out of her eyes was the only reply she could offer. The expression reminded him of just how young she was. Ichiro squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, collecting himself as he took a deep breath. Knuckles white with barely controlled rage, his sword hand began to tremble.
"We waited for you because you were supposed to give meaning to my son's death. You were supposed to kill the last Yourouzoku and eliminate that threat forever." The old man quickly glanced at the wolf and tasted pain-induced hatred. "Instead you dishonored your humanity by protecting that... that thing."
Sango's tears transformed into sobs. They coursed through her body like a tidal wave, overwhelming her. They left her breathless. All she could do was bury her face in her hands and shake.
Everything he said was true. She was dishonorable and shedidknow better. She'd been in his place before; mourning the brutal death of someone dear and wanting vengeance... but she couldn't let him kill Kouga, no more than she could kill him herself.
He meant everything to her.
How could she expect Ichiro to understand that? Simply asking him to understand that was an insult. By all counts, she was protecting a murderer.
When her sobs finally gave way to whimpers, Ichiro spoke once more. "You think you're in love with him, don't you?"
Her lack of response only confirmed his suspicion.
Ichiro's gaze lingered on the wolf before he let his eyes settle on hers. "He's deceiving you," the old man said in a tone of certainty.
Kouga crossed his arms over his chest, his tail swishing back and forth angrily. It took everything in him to allow that exchange to take its natural course and now his reserve of patience was spent. What the human said struck a deep chord with him. Only the cruel truth of Ichiro's words and the raw pain that fueled them enabled Kouga to maintain his silence for so long. Even so, Sango didn't deserve to be spoken to in such a harsh manner. It wasn't her fault that the boy died.
If anyone should be on their knees and asking forgiveness, it should be him. Pride kept him upright, but guilt was quickly weighing him down.
"Yourouzoku are not capable of change, Sango-san," Ichiro said with a sigh, his voice sounding much calmer. "A youkai is a youkai. You cannot expect such a thing to deny its very nature. He'll eventually do to you what he did to my boy."
The taiji-ya absorbed his words and drew a deep breath. "If you wish to kill him," she said, her resolve evident, "you will have to kill us both. He is not a monster. I won't let you hurt him."
Ichiro frowned as he looked from Sango to the wolf and back again. He bit the inside of his cheek and furled his brows. "I did not come here to kill you."
"I am as guilty as he is."
"No, Sango-san. You're worse."
She winced.
"You can't guarantee that he will never kill again."
"No, she can't," Kouga interjected. "But I can."
Ichiro scoffed at him, his eyes glinting with doubt. Kouga's self-restraint was reaching its limits. Fists clenched tightly at his sides, he ground his teeth together in frustration. If the old man continued to insist upon vengeance, Kouga would have no choice but to kill him. That was the last thing he wanted. The human had every right to seek retribution. Unfortunately for him, Kouga could not give it to him. At least, not the way the old man wanted it.
'Yourouzoku don't apologize to aliens...'
His tail smacked against one thigh, then the other.
'But, the Yourouzoku are honorable... they protect their own at all costs...'
The sight of Sango's humbled form only fueled his sense of remorse. She begged forgiveness for sins she did not commit. Her humbleness stood out in stark contrast against his pride.
He should be the one on bended knee, but he was Yourouzoku. He was the eldest son of a third generation alpha male. He was prince.
Yourouzoku simply did not kneel, especially to outsiders. Humbling one's self was extremely rare, even among the omega wolves. Submission to authority and begging forgiveness are two very different things.
"I do not eat humans nor do I take pleasure in killing them," he said solemnly. "I will protect my family, but I will never seek out humans to cause them harm. I swear on the blood of the Yourouzoku."
Ichiro gave him a condescending glare as his lips parted to form a sarcastic smile, "You'll forgive me if such an oath bears little weight with me, youkai."
"I am not what you think I am."
"You are Yourouzoku." Ichiro swung his sword toward Kouga in one, fluid motion. The tip of the blade pointed toward the wolf's neck. "I know exactly what you are."
Kouga grunted as he struggled with his temper. The human was pushing him, trying to coerce him into action. Even if Kouga did attack, Ichiro lacked the speed to make an effective lunge. The wolf could easily sidestep his counter and slaughter the human before he realized what was happening. Had Sango not reacted to the old man's presence the way she did, Kouga would have killed him by now. Only her defense and protectiveness toward him compelled Kouga to honor her words.
Even so, Kouga still had a difficult time turning words into action. The old man not only threatened Sango, he also insulted the Yourouzoku. Such behavior was unforgivable. Kouga once killed humans for far lesser offenses, but now he was bound to one... and she was prostrating herself.
It was seeing the woman he loved in such a position that gave him pause. It was disturbing and touching at the same time. Her willingness to protect him destroyed all doubt in his mind that Sango would reject him as her mate.
She was alpha female and it was scandalous to see her groveling. The future mother of his pups should not demean herself for any reason. Worse yet, she was prostrating herself for his crimes. What kind of mate allows such humiliation to befall their beloved?
Palms stinging from claw-tipped fingers, Kouga saw only one possible action he could take to appease the father in mourning. He would have to earnestly seek forgiveness for his sins and hope Ichiro would spare his life.
Limbs stiff with pride, Kouga dropped to his knees and slowly lowered his face to the ground. Every nuance of his being screamed at him to stand, to face his enemy and cut him down. Only his attachment to the human woman he wanted to spend his life with gave him the strength to resist those demands.
"Forgive me for killing your son," Kouga said quietly, straining to make his voice as meek as possible.
The coarse sound of dirt being ground under foot provoked him to look up, but still Kouga resisted. Muscles tense and tail swaying in agitation, the wolf could do little more than listen to Ichiro's approach. When the old man stood directly in front of him with his sword still drawn, Kouga had to bite his tongue to keep from growling. With a single swipe, the old man could decapitate the wolf and claim vengeance for the death of his son. The last of the Yourouzoku was completely at the mercy of a human.
A tremor moved through the prince when he felt the blade rest upon his neck. The pressure increased for several seconds before the contact was broken. Kouga could only envision the old man raising his sword hand above his head in order to decapitate the youkai in a single, forceful swing. Now that the very release he once longed for was upon him, Kouga found the taste of his impending death to be quite bitter. Of all the regrets that came to the forefront of his mind, his greatest concern was for Sango. She had witnessed enough death. Kouga only wished he could spare her from having to witness his own.
After a several moments ticked by and the wolf's head remained tightly attached to his body, Kouga ventured a look up. Ichiro's stony expression peered back at him. Beside him stood Sango, her eyes shining with tears and both hands wrapped tightly around Ichiro's sword hand. So distracted with thoughts of his own demise, Kouga never noticed the sound of movement.
With a sigh of resignation, Ichiro visibly relaxed, the tip of his blade dipping downward. "Let go of me."
Her fingers twitched, but remained in place.
"I'm not... " he trailed off, exhaling with frustration. "Let go of me, Sango-san."
Sniffing back tears, her grip cautiously loosened. Fingers uncurled around his wrist, releasing him as she straightened. A heavy silence fell upon them as Kouga rose to his feet.
"I-Ichiro-san..."
"You have no business calling yourself a taiji-ya," Ichiro interrupted sternly, his eyes shining with an unidentifiable expression.
Sango and Kouga blinked at the old man in confusion.
"You have dishonored your family with your actions. I'll see to it that you are never called upon to exterminate a youkai again."
Sango's mouth opened and closed soundlessly. The feel of Kouga's fingers gently brushing against her own felt soothing and she reached for him.
"Is your vengeance satisfied?" Kouga asked, encasing Sango's hand in his.
Ichiro said nothing for several moments, his eyes focused solely on their intertwined fingers.
The old man's lips formed a tight line of resignation as his sword hand visibly relaxed. With a single, fluid motion the blade disappeared within its scabbard once more. The air of tension that pressed against them suddenly gave way to relief. Before youkai or taiji-ya could find their voice, Ichiro turned on his heel and walked away. The pair could only stand in silence as they watched him depart. Even when he faded from view, their hands remained tightly linked, neither willing to be the first to let the other go.