A/N: Hi all! This is my first fic for this fandom, 'cause I just binged the entire show like, three weeks ago. But here are some things you should know about this story. This is set directly after the Season 4 finale. Unless I put it in the story, everything from Season 5 doesn't exist here. Also, the entirety of this story will be done in Bo's POV. And finally, Tamsin is my spirit animal so this'll be pretty Tamsin-centric with a lot of character exploration and all that goodness. And yes, the endgame pairing is Valkubus.

As for updates, the first two chapters are going up with my first post. After that, I'll post whenever my muse makes me. The goal is always once a week, but I'd be SERIOUSLY lying to you if I said I always kept to that schedule.

But without further ado, I give you chapters one and two!

Looking Glass Self: Chapter One
The Heartless

Kenzi was Bo's world. Her heart. Kenzi, who had saved Bo's life the moment Bo chose to save hers. Kenzi, who always knew what to do and what to say to make whatever Bo was going through… better. Kenzi made things better. And now Kenzi was dead.

And Bo's world stopped spinning.

How do you live when the reason you're living is gone? She didn't know. She couldn't feel anything but horror, and shame, and overwhelming grief because this was Kenzi. Oh God, no, it was Kenzi. Everything in Bo's hollow chest was screaming out for it not to be true- for it to have been anyone but her.

But it was her. Kenzi was gone. And Bo was still here, alone. Without her.

She didn't know how to deal with that. She'd been alone before. So alone, and always running. But not like this. Never like this. This was so much worse.

Bo wasn't sure how she'd gotten back to the clubhouse. She wasn't sure who'd driven her back, or who had settled her on the couch and given her a glass of water. Bo wasn't sure what time of night it was, or when Lauren had showed up and tried to hug her. Bo hadn't let her. Lauren still stayed. Bo wasn't sure how long she sat there staring emptily at the wall, or how long Lauren had sat at her side stared emptily at her, but she was suddenly very aware of the passage of time when Dyson burst into the shack with a limp, unconscious Tamsin cradled in his arms.

She was so pale, and looked so small. She looked like Kenzi had. A puppet with her strings cut.

Bo couldn't lose someone else today. Especially not the one person who was as close to Kenzi as she herself was. Not Tamsin.

"Tamsin!" she cried, speaking for the first time since Kenzi had… well... Bo wasn't keen on thinking about it. Instead, Bo leaped to her feet, dragging Lauren with her so that the couch was free to accept Tamsin's still form. Dyson laid her down carefully, and Bo helped to arrange the blonde's limbs into something that wouldn't be too uncomfortable for the many purple bruises mottling Tamsin's fair skin. It was strange, seeing Tamsin like this when the last time Bo had seen her, she'd still been flushed with the energy of battle and had been in full Valkyrie power mode, bending tearfully over Kenzi's body.

"What happened?" Lauren asked, already checking Tamsin's body over for serious injuries while Bo and Dyson took a step back to allow the woman to work.

Dyson was frowning, his eyes fixed unwaveringly on Tamsin's face. "I found her at the gate," he reported. "Weak. Delirious. She saw something. I don't know what, but it scared her. She kept going on about how we couldn't use the Hell shoe, and on the car ride here she was begging 'mother' to take care of 'momz'."

Bo raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Mother?" she questioned. "Tamsin's never said anything about a mother. Not besides…" She trailed off as her throat convulsed around Kenzi's name and her vision once again swam with moisture, because she remembered how fucking cute it was to see a full grown Valkyrie bend over backwards to please a tiny human who she kept calling 'momz'.

But she couldn't cry. Kenzi would never forgive her if she let her 'Lil T' get hurt on her watch.

An uncomfortable silence settled upon them as Dyson and Bo simply watched Lauren checking Tamsin's heart rate and applied light pressure around her bruises to look for broken bones. The Valkyrie had dried tear streaks cutting through the battle grime on her face. Bo remembered the last time she'd seen Tamsin cry. She'd been wildly yet weakly attacking her before Bo had convinced her to stop, and Tamsin had looked at her as if her whole world was turning on its head before breaking down and admitting that she didn't know what to do.

She'd been so lost, and so sad. Bo hadn't imagined that she'd ever see Tamsin -irreverent, strong, sassy Tamsin- in such a state again. Not after Kenzi had taken the young reborn Valkyrie under her wing and raised her as her own, and taught her that there was more to life than pushing back pain and fighting and doing the jobs that you were paid for. The blonde was always so steady. Hotheaded, but entirely dependable and reliably badass.

But Bo supposed that Kenzi was everyone's soft spot. Bo's heart. Tamsin's too.

"She'll be okay," Lauren announced in a professional tone, leaning back up and gazing earnestly at Bo. "The bruising is mostly superficial, and nothing a good night's sleep can't fix. Honestly, she's really just exhausted -I'd imagine from taking not one, but two souls to Valhalla."

Unspeakably relieved, Bo exhaled a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and slumped heavily into Dyson's side. The wolf shifter looped a supportive arm around her and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

"I don't blame her for passing out," the man said lightly, his tone affectionate as he spoke about his partner. "You should have seen her fighting today. She's a one-woman army. She cast enough doubt to have half the revenants fighting each other no matter how many came through the gate, and when I tried to stop Kenzi from…" Dyson's voice wavered. "Tamsin was all around us. I'd stopped fighting, but none of the revenants got within ten feet of us. I'd never seen a Valkyrie in battle before. I'm… glad she's on our side now, and not just for her charming personality," he finished dryly.

Despite the circumstances, Bo's lips twitched into a half smile. She was proud of Tamsin. She'd come so far from the frigid bitch she'd been when they'd first met. And Kenzi… Kenzi would have been so proud of her too.

Kenzi. Gods, Kenzi. Instantly, Bo's face fell and she clutched at her stomach, feeling like this motion itself was the only thing holding her together. Seeing this, Dyson pulled her tighter to him, but Bo flinched and gently pushed him away. She loved Dyson but… the image of Kenzi walking away from her was still dancing in front of her eyes no matter how tightly she shut them, and she could still feel Dyson holding her back and keeping her from running forwards and stopping Kenzi from… No. She loved Dyson, but she wasn't quite ready to forgive him yet.

"Bo-" Lauren started in her most sweet and concerned tone, taking a step forwards even as Dyson allowed her her space with an understanding grimace.

Not wanting to hear any platitudes, Bo just held up a hand and stopped her ex-girlfriend mid-sentence. "Lauren… thank you," she said with a sad smile. "Thank you both, for being there for me tonight. For fighting with me. For being here for me now. But… I need time. Please. Please, just give me time."

Lauren frowned. "Bo, are you really sure you should be alone right now?"

"I won't be," Bo answered with a despondent shrug. "Tamsin is here and I… I…" Her voice broke and she fought tears. "This is our home. With Kenzi. We just need… I need…"

"It's okay Bo," Dyson interrupted, laying a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Whatever you need. Lauren and I will bring lunch tomorrow and check up on the two of you, okay?"

Grateful beyond words that Dyson understood, Bo just nodded and hugged him. He gave her a chaste kiss on the forehead and walked out. The succubus repeated the process for the blonde doctor, who aimed her kiss for Bo's lips but missed when Bo turned her head, landing on her cheek instead.

"Go take care of Evony, Lauren," Bo sighed. "I'll be okay."

"I'm sorry. Just… take care of yourself Bo? If not for me, for Kenzi?" Lauren asked earnestly.

Bo blinked. "I… I promise, Lauren," she whispered. The doctor nodded, and followed Dyson out of the crack shack.

The silence that fell in her absence was both relieving and oppressing. Bo couldn't decide if she resented or preferred it to the distraction to her grief. But at this point, she didn't even have the energy to think about it. Rainer was gone, her dad turned out to be a giant asshole, and Kenzi wasn't here to help her deal with it. All she wanted to do was to go to sleep and never wake up.

Tamsin whimpered in her sleep, and Bo immediately snapped out of her momentary trance to focus on the blonde. Tamsin. She'd fought so hard, all day. In hindsight, Bo felt bad about it. Rainer was dead now; and with him, that tangible tie she'd felt to him -the tie that felt like destiny. She knew she'd been an ass to all of her friends the past few days, too caught up in said destiny to even consider their wellbeing. The moment she'd woken after the attack that had taken Rainer's life, Tamsin had been there for her, gazing at her with genuine concern and waiting for her to wake up. Tamsin had known exactly what to say in order to pull Bo from her moment of grief and into fighting form -exactly what to say to goad the succubus into healing herself and running off to save the world- and Bo had taken a rather large pull of Chi from the Valkyrie without so much as a by-your-leave. She'd then proceeded to ignore the blonde's very existence until the moment Bo had seen her frantically attempting to fight her way between the lurching bodies of the zombie hellspawn to get to Kenzi, only to realize that she would be too late. Bo had watched Tamsin take her mother figure's soul to the afterlife, and Bo hadn't even cried for her.

She'd cried for herself, because her Kenzi was gone.

Tamsin hadn't deserved that treatment from her. Tamsin was always there for her, and Bo had not once returned the favor.

That was about to change, Bo vowed. Not just because Kenzi would want Bo to take care of her baby Valkyrie, but because Tamsin had been nothing but giving and Bo had done nothing but take. And... Bo needed someone. She needed someone to lean on to get through this, and so did Tamsin, and Dyson and Lauren had offered but her relationships with them were too complicated and full of hurt to ever help her heal right now and… Tamsin had loved Kenzi. So much. Of all people, Tamsin would understand Bo's pain right now because she was feeling it too. Bo didn't know Tamsin very well. Certainly not as well as Kenzi had; but she'd always made Bo feel safe. Completely pissed off, irrationally angry, and maybe slightly aroused too, but safe. Always safe.

And Bo really, really needed that right now.

Another whimper pulled the brunette from these musings, and she scowled at the couch Tamsin was resting on. It wasn't the most comfortable pieces of furniture to ever exist, and Bo knew that a bed would be much kinder on the Valkyrie's bruises. Mentally cursing herself for sending Dyson on his way before she could ask him to move his partner upstairs, Bo rolled her neck and scooped Tamsin up herself. Tamsin was heavy, as she was pretty much solid muscle, but she wasn't that much bigger than Bo herself. More than that, Bo had more than a few fae enhancements to her own physique, and she made good use of said supernatural strength to hold the blonde steady as she marched up the stairs. She stopped outside of the room Tamsin and Kenzi shared, huffing with exertion, only to hesitate. Tamsin had just taken Kenzi's soul and been forced to leave her in the afterlife, and Bo didn't have the heart to put her in a position where Kenzi's empty bed would be the first thing she saw after waking up.

So Bo kept walking until she entered her own room and deposited Tamsin on the bed. Quickly and efficiently, she rid the blonde of her boots, jacket, belt, and various weapons in an effort to make her more comfortable, all of which she stacked neatly on the floor at her side. This accomplished, Bo did much the same for herself and collapsed onto the other side of the mattress. Both of them were filthy, so Bo didn't bother trying to position either of them under the covers. The softness of the mattress felt like heaven either way.

Vaguely, Bo hoped that Kenzi was enjoying her heaven far more than Bo was enjoying hers at the moment. She hoped that Valhalla was a beautiful place, where the departed souls of heroes didn't cry themselves to sleep like miserable succubi did. Like she was right now. There weren't enough tears in the world to wash away the emptiness she felt inside.