What if Piper's leaving Alex in Paris turns out to end a little differently?

It was anger and adrenaline that made her walk through the front door of their apartment in Paris. She was so angry with her for choosing the cartel over her, once again. It was actually still quite hard to wrap her head around. She figured that when it would come to it, Alex would choose her above anything else. But she was wrong.

Boy was she wrong.. She never should've carried that suitcase full of money in the first place. That's where it all went wrong. Where everything went to hell. After that she always felt like another possibility to Alex. Like some sort of safety net. If any of her mules weren't available. There was always the good old possibility of perfect Piper who would never say no to Alex Vause.

So when Alex asked if she wanted to make a quick trip to Istanbul, and she realized what kind of trip it would be, something snapped. Something snapped inside her brain and even Alex telling her that her mother just died didn't fix that snap in her head. She couldn't think straight. She just knew she had to get out. If she wouldn't get out now, she never would. So she left.

It wasn't until she was back home, staying at Polly's, that she realized what a complete asshole she was to Alex before she left. Right before she left two major things happened, which both stood completely on itself. She should've stayed with Alex as a friend or something. Or at least should've helped her with the arrangements for her mother's funeral. She knew Diane for God's Sake. No, she loved Diane, and she knew the woman loved her like she was her own daughter. This was no way to pay her respects to her.

Piper figured that Alex wasn't that far behind her. She also had to get back to the States for her mother. Think of it now: she should have offered her seat on the plane to Alex. It didn't matter to her that she would spend a day longer in Paris, just as long as Alex was out of her sight for the next couple of hours. What was she saying? For the next couple of years. She already knew that that was what it would take for her to get over Alex. If even that was enough. She hoped it would be. She wasn't exactly looking forward to the foreseeable future. Because she knew she would spend it hurting.

And it wasn't until much later that she would comprehend how much hurting she had to endure by staying away from Alex. Because even though she had made an appearance in her life once again. That's right. Piper manned up and tried to be her friend through this horrible time, she didn't expect it to be even harder to keep seeing her and at the same time to not see her at all.

They weren't together. They saw each other almost every day ever since Piper grabbed her phone and crawled back to Alex like a little puppy. Even if it was only for the time being.. And the fact that they weren't together, couldn't be more clear.

She knew Alex was grateful to her that she finally came around some, but the older woman did nothing to show it. She made Piper's life a living hell by not acknowledging her at all, even if she was standing right next to her waiting for people to pay their respects to both Alex and Piper, because they were too oblivious to the fact that they had fallen apart.

Polly was there, eyeing Piper the whole time, which didn't help at all. Because even then she already felt that she had made the biggest mistake of her life by leaving Alex. Not because what Alex did for a living was wrong, or the way she treated Piper in the months before the breakup weren't fucked up. Because they were. She knew that. Those were the reasons that made her leave. But that didn't mean that all of this felt like a huge mistake to the blonde. Because when she looked at the person next to her, she saw the woman that she loved, loves with all of her heart, and she just couldn't see that ending any time soon, if at all.

"Alex, can you at least acknowledge that I'm a person? Standing here.. talking to you?"

"I know that you're here Piper. You've paid your debts. You don't owe me anything. You can go now."

"What if I don't want to?" Her brain was once again fucking with her. Doubting to take all of her words back and just fall back into this routine with Alex.

"What do you mean what if you don't want to Piper? You've made it pretty fucking clear what you don't want. Which is me. So why are you still here?"

They were mumbling under their breaths because people were still coming around paying their respects.

"That is not at all true Al, and you know it."

"Do I?"

"Yes, you do. If you would just think about it you do. I loved you. I love you Alex. YOU, that is all I ever wanted, ever asked for. But you made me out to be some stupid mule that was only interested in how many gifts you gave me. You made us out to be cheap Alex. You acted like we didn't matter. Like I didn't matter to you anymore. And I guess now I know I really don't."

Alex let the words sunk in before she responded this time.

"You know that I love you." Was the thing she came up with after a few minutes. Luckily the room was now quiet and it was the both of them still standing there.

"I know. At least I thought I did at one point. The last couple of months though Alex.. I didn't feel loved by you."

"By you? What does that mean?"

"Jesus Alex. Is that all that you got from that?"

"Who did you feel loved by then?"

"You're such a horses ass did you know that?"

"I'm an horses ass?"

"Yes, you are. If you think that I was even capable of being interested in someone else.. When did I ever give you reason to believe that? Maybe I should ask you that question. Because I wasn't the one with my hands over all those fucking girls every weekend Alex. THAT WAS YOU."

"That was my job Piper. You knew that from the moment we first met. Don't even try to make me feel guilty about that Pipes."

"You know what Al? Here's what you should do. Try to stand in my shoes for a couple of moments, and think about what you would feel like if it was the other way around. I do not only mean the mules. I mean I hate them, but I could deal with them. I learned to deal with them. I did deal with them. What I couldn't deal with was you turning me into one of them. Treating me like one of them."

Her eyes were pointed to the floor right now. Sad that after all this time together Alex didn't get her. She could see right through her, she stated proudly all the time. But now? It was like they didn't even know each other.

"I honestly want to know what was going on with you the last couple of months Alex. I was too afraid to ask earlier. Too afraid of the truth. Afraid that you would acknowledge my deepest fears. Fears of you not loving me anymore. But in the end it didn't matter anymore. Your actions spoke louder than words. And yes it drove me away, but it was not because I didn't love you anymore Alex. In fact it was the opposite. I loved you too much. I love you too much."

"I was so afraid that you would leave me. It blind sighted me to the point where I didn't see another way than to leave you instead. To leave you before you would leave me, and I was left with what? My complete and utter love for you that would go as far as eventually becoming one of your mules. Because if I wouldn't have left I would've caved Al. I would have caved and what then? What if you really would see me as one of them? What would keep you from fucking the rest of them for real besides me?"

Alex is just looking right in front of her. Too dumbfounded from what she was hearing.

"I never cheated on you Piper. Not once."

"I know that Alex. But don't you see? I wanted to leave you before I would remember you as my cheating ex-girlfriend. I wanted to remember you as my Alex. The Alex that loved me so beautifully while I could still remember you treating me like that. And it felt like it was already slipping away. Slipping from my mind but mostly slipping from your behavior. I couldn't wait any longer Al. You were slipping so far away from me. I was so scared. I didn't know what to do."

"You could've talked to me Piper. Could've told me what you are telling me now for instance."

"Oh come off of it Alex. You were never there. When should I have said something? When you were slipping into our bed in the middle of the night? Or when you were crawling out of it in the late afternoon because the rest of the morning you were too out of it to be woken up by anything? Don't forget that even then you didn't have time for me. You were just crawling out of bed to leave the room again and it went on and on Al. Can you even remember the last time we had sex? Or the last time you took me anywhere except to one of your meetings watching you flirt or laugh with the big bosses? Because I certainly can't."

Alex couldn't take it any longer. She had to get out. They were the last ones still there and wouldn't be getting anywhere with this conversation. Piper was still ventilating everything that was wrong about their relationship and all Alex could think about was how the good moments between them made her feel. How that was still how she felt about Piper. She refused to remember them as anything different.

She went back to her hotel where she and Piper had a room right next to each other. They could visit each other through an adjoined door that wouldn't lock. Meant as some sort of family room, where the parents could check on their kids but still have some privacy. It had the same function for them though. Piper wanted to be able to check on Alex at all times. Like she was some little kid. She loathed the fact earlier today, but saw the positive side of it right now.

It was the middle of the night and she has had time to think about everything that Piper said to her. She didn't want to admit to any of it, but couldn't avoid it any longer either. She knew Piper was right. Deep inside she knew she was right. She couldn't stop thinking of one thing in particular. 'Can you even remember the last time we had sex?' She tried to remember, she really did. Tried to pinpoint it to the exact date, time, place, position and feeling during it. Piper was right. She couldn't. She was mixing up different times and different places and even during she knew that something about these memories in her mind weren't adding up. That was because none of those times she was playing in her mind were indeed that last time.

This wasn't how it all was supposed to go down. Her and Piper no longer an item and she can't even remember their last time being intimate to hold on to. She needed to be able to hold on to that at least.

So if she couldn't remember their last time. She would initiate another last time. She would create a new last time by entering through that adjoined door and accompany Piper in her room. She was cocky enough to believe that Piper would allow her back into bed. After everything that happened this afternoon she knew that Piper still loves her fiercely. And even though she tells herself that she is sneaking in for that last time, she actually hopes that by opening up to Piper herself there might still be a little chance to mend what has been broken between them.

Piper was fast asleep with her childhood bunny in her hand next to her head. Alex laughed to herself. She hasn't seen that bunny ever since one of the first sleepovers between them. Piper was always bringing that horrible bunny everywhere until she replaced it with big bunny Alex, so to speak. Seeing Piper again with that bunny made her want to rip it out of her hands, throw it out of the window and replace it with herself once again. It was again a reminder of the situation between them right now.

It didn't stop her from crawling under the covers by the back of the bed and this way making her way upwards to Piper. Careful not to wake her up immediately but also not touching her too softly because she was technically touching the woman without consent right now. She wanted Piper to realize what she was doing. She wanted Piper. So when she was at eye level with the woman, hanging right above her she whispered her name to wake her up. She kissed her face all over and kept whispering her name until she woke up.

"Al, is that you?"

Alex just chuckled first. "Yes, idiot. I know we just broke up but do you already expect somebody else to crawl into your bed like this?"

In Piper's sleeping state of mind she automatically wrapped her arms around Alex's neck and didn't give her any sign that she wanted to woman to move off of her.

"Al, what are you doing here," she asked the older woman while she let her keep going with the kisses on her jaw.

"I've thought about what you said.."

"And?"

"You're right."

"About what?"

"I can't remember our last time."

"Alex if that's the only thing you got from that conversation."

"Pipes, let me finish please."

"I can't remember our last time and as much as I don't like to admit it, that's a sign for everything and anything that you told me this afternoon. It tells me that indeed I didn't pay enough attention to you, and I wasn't home or there for you nearly enough. But Piper I do love you. I love you so much, and not being with your hurts so fucking much Pipes. I don't know what to do. I need you Piper."

Piper relented a little at hearing this. She lifted her face up a little as a sign for Alex to keep going. To keep kissing her, still everywhere but her face because the brunette still had a lot to explain before they traveled this road again.

"What do you need me for Alex?"

"Everything. Don't you understand Piper? I can't do this without you."

"I'm here. I'm your friend. I love Diane. I told you already, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"That is not what I mean Pipes, kid. I love you. Anything.. Everything.. It doesn't mean a thing without you."

She kisses Piper on her lips and she isn't afraid that that is something that Piper doesn't want. She knows that she does and she feels that she is on the right track here. She needs to get Piper back. She sees everything clearly now. It all doesn't mean a thing if Piper isn't right beside her. The cartel, the money. What does it all matter when Piper isn't there? How could she be so stupid and put her relationship on the line like this.

"You're not going anywhere kid. I won't let you," she whispers while she travels her hand into Piper's boxers and feels that she is already wet, warm and ready for her.

"Jesus fuck, baby," Alex groans as she feels Piper's wetness for her. "Piper, baby. If you don't want this you need to tell me now or I'm not able to stop."

"What do I need to want Alex?"

"Pipes, fuck. I don't know. This, us, me? I want you back baby, but if this is going to be a last fuck for you I'm still going to bury two fingers into you right now okay? You need to tell me something right now."

She bites Piper's neck softly to keep herself from burying these fingers into Piper the second she stops talking.

"Do it, Al."

Alex gives in immediately but is still a little distracted because Piper didn't say what she wanted specifically. Does this means that she gets another chance? Does it mean that this will be the last time that she is fucking Piper. She needs to know. She realizes now that she needs to know. Otherwise this last fuck will still not be remembered by her as a last fuck.

"Pipes, I need more. Is this the last time I'm going to fuck you or are you giving me another chance here kid? I need to know. I need you kid, please?!"

She realizes she is begging at this point but she doesn't give a fuck. All she cares about now is getting Piper back. She needs an opening and if she can fuck Piper into one, she's going for it. Piper just has to say the word and she will drop everything.

"Ahh Alex, baby. We can't just fuck our way out of everything you know. This doesn't solve anything." She's saying it but not believing it herself while Alex is bringing her higher and higher.

Alex is done playing coy. She needs Piper. She needs her now and she needs her for the rest of her life. It's as simple as that. "I'll drop everything. I'll tell them I want out."

Piper sits up immediately. "What, Al? Can you even do that. I mean.. That's everything I want but.. I mean, will you be safely able to do that?"

"Of course I need to think it through Piper. But I think I'll be able to get out safely. I've been in the cartel long enough. If I play my cards right I believe Kubra will allow me an early pension. So.. does this mean that this won't be my last time fucking you?"

"Jesus Alex."

"What? I need to fucking know Piper. Because if this is the last time I'll better make sure that you know that I love you, and you won't forget it ever. But if this isn't the last time… I'm going to fuck you so hard right now that you won't be able to walk tomorrow and the loving part comes after, okay? So you just tell me which one of the two it will be."

"Fuck me hard, Vause."

"Your wish is my command princess."

A/N

So.. it's been a while but here's another 'what if' story. If you guys have any suggestions… Please let me know.