'I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.'

Yori was nearing the end of her tether.

Not only had Ikanago-san not taken the hint after the pelvis incident, but he'd also decided to send her love poetry every other day.

Yori didn't like poetry—it was too stupid for her, and she didn't see the need for flowery words when he could just as easily given her something edible that she could actually use—but Ikanago-san's poetry was at a whole other level.

Breasts as big as balloons,
Eyes as wide as the moons,
Curves as delicious as honey,
I have lots of money!
Marry me?

She'd give him this—at least he was getting better at the rhyming.

And then there was the mysterious wilted cauliflower sender, who didn't seem to understand the concept of courtship. Otherwise, he'd have actually given her his name.

She would have tracked this person down of course, except she didn't want to deal with the consequences.

Ever.

Then there were the serenaders, who still hadn't managed to work out that they were ridiculously out of tune.

Then there was this one guy that'd decided that she liked getting slapped with a half-eaten fish every time she walked past his stall. Yori was very tempted to slap back, but she didn't actually think she'd get away with it.

She endured it in fuming silence.

At least, she had, until Komushi had decided to pay her a visit.

"Yo, Yori-chan! I was just headin' to the Leaky Lettuce an' I heard you hadn' had lunch so I thought I'd treat ya 'cause it's been a while and the food'll be great an' we can talk about the floral 'rrangement or somethin'!" he hollered in one breath as came out of the laundry room, having just dumped all the sheets in there for someone else to clean.

"F-Floral arrangement for what?" she asked, stupidly getting into a dialogue with him.

Komushi gave her a very wide grin and chirped, "For your weddin', o'course!"

Yori blanched and, in a fit of complete recklessness, she gave a very menacing grimace to her probably only friend, and whispered, "Who the fuck said I was getting married?"

Komushi brushed the entire out-of-character-ness aside in true idiot fashion, and grinned, "Nah, I was just kiddin'! But I was serious 'bout the dinner, and Shingi-san said it's your lunch break right now, right? So you can't say no!"

Yori made plans to smother Shingi with a pillow.

And in thusly manner, a stuttering Yori was dragged to the Leaky Lettuce (the architect must have been drunk), which was a little dhaba with a lot of foot traffic.

"They serve mostly south Suna cuisine, but ya gotta love the spices!" Komushi explained, showing off his teeth as the sound of sizzling met their ears.

Yori felt like she was in food heaven. Every aroma she had ever smelt on the streets of Suna that she'd always wished was more prominent, was now surrounding her in a cloud of thyme, chili, coriander, cumin, fenugreek and cloves, vying for her attention even as she sat down at one of the outside seating arrangements.

"Ho, Komushi's back, eh?" a rotund man chortled, his skin darker than most Suna citizens, clearly identifying him as one of the southern Suna tribes. "And with a pretty chirya as well!"

Komushi chortled with the man, exclaiming, "No way, Aru-san! I'm too busy hookin' up Sasori-kun to be thinkin' o'myself!"

"Ho!" said Aru-san, peering at Yori over his bushy moustache. "So you're Sasori-san's pyari?"

Yori didn't understand some of the words he was saying, probably because it was his tribe's dialect, but that didn't mean she couldn't blush fifty shades of red to give weight to his completely misguided assumptions. "N-No…I-I'm not…"

And there went her spine.

"We're still at the water testin' phase!" Komushi said, winking heartily. "Till then, wanna give Yori-chan a run through o'the secret menu?"

Yori's lower lip was trembling again as Aru-san guffawed. "Wait, you're Yori, daughter of Haruka?"

A dreadful feeling of foreboding shot down her spine.

"Y-Yes," she stuttered, nodding.

"Well," Aru-san said, looking at Komushi, "you sure know how to pick them, nalayak! Isn't she the one who wrote an ad for a husband? I thought she was dead ugly or something, but turns out she's just trying to get out of your web!"

Komushi's smile froze on his face, and then he turned to give Yori the most wounded look he could muster. "Is that true, Yori-chan?"

Yori's left eye twitched. She was having enough difficulties repelling Nae's puppy eyes without having Komushi, who looked like he'd just hit the voice-breaking stage of puberty, giving her a hard time too!

"I didn't send out any ad," she said, her irritation getting rid of the stuttering. "And if I find out who did, there'll be no mercy."

Aru-san laughed, saying, "Ho, so scary, chirya! Well, we've got iddyappam, aloo paratha, puttu, kadala curry, sambar, dosa, idli, butter chicken, khichra, tehri, biryani, sarson ka saag—"

Yori felt dizzy, unprepared for so many unknown words.

Komushi decided to have mercy on her and said, "She'll have what I'm havin', Aru-san, so the usual!"

Yori took a few deep breaths. "You and Sasori-san come here often?" she asked finally, curious for some inexplicable reason.

Komushi replied, "Hmm? Oh, yeah! Well, I like eatin', and Sasori-kun's real nice 'bout treatin' me to food, so he brings me here a lot, 'cause my family's from the South and it's like a bit o'home!"

She could hear sizzling in the background, which sent out a steam of frying chicken and masala and butter out into the open air, and before she could absorb the fact that Akasuna no murdering Sasori bought food for Komushi in a hitherto unforeseen turn of altruism, Aru-san had brought out a steaming bowl of mouth-watering rich, thick soup with generously marinated chicken, making it tender and juicy, the buttery scent mixing perfectly with the aroma of the steaming rolls of coconut-shaving covered rice, lightly crispy at the top and soft and moist at the centre.

"Enjoy!" Aru-san said as one of his workers brought out some plates for them, and a basket of freshly made naan.

Yori was ready to gorge herself when she realised there was no cutlery or serving spoons. "Er…Komushi-san…how do we take out the food?"

Komushi looked at her grinningly. "Yori-chan's never eaten SouSuna food, huh? We eat directly from the servin' plates! The plates 're for keepin' your naan in—look, I'll show ya!"

With that, Komushi picked up a naan, tore a bit off, and dipped it into the bowl of creamy broth. He then proceeded to eat it before any of it spilt.

"Your turn!" he said, swallowing.

Yori remembered communal eating like this before, remembered it well. Whenever there had been a feast at Rose's family's house, there used to be a huge goat roasted and braised, with piles of spiced rice and side dishes surrounding it, and everyone used to sit around the delicacy and eat until they were full, merrily chatting and laughing.

But she didn't remember any of that happening in restaurants before…

Ah well. This was clearly a different world, after all.

Yori mimicked Komushi and brought the delectable butter chicken to her mouth, and it was like her mouth exploded with the sensations, as buttery scent melded with buttery taste and tempered itself with the plain wholesomeness of the naan.

Yori was in heaven.

After speedily savouring every last morsel of food, Aru-san brought out something called gulaab jamun, which were round deep fried dough balls steeped in simmering sugary syrup, and while she ate that, Komushi broached the subject Yori hadn't even known was a thing to be broached.

"So, Yori-chan, we're friends, right?" Komushi said, gazing deeply into her eyes.

If Yori didn't feel drugged on good, rich food, she'd have felt uncomfortable.

"Yeah," she replied, "even if you drive me up the wall, we're friends."

She gave him a small smile, and he returned it with a blinding one, his cheeks lightly pinked and his heart skipping a beat.

"So, that means that if you, ya know, fell in love with Sasori-kun or somethin', you'd tell me, right?" he said, blinking eagerly as he stuffed an entire gulaab jamun into his mouth, eyes not leaving hers.

Yori took a deep breath. "Komushi-san, I…" she began, but then lost her train of thought completely as the stresses of her life caught up to her. Her baby blue eyes started watering, and her cheeks turned pink, as she started breathing rapidly. "There are so many people trying to date me!"

As the dam burst and she relayed all her irritations and inconveniences to the fidgety red haired, left arm-less crippled fifteen year old, about how she didn't have any more room in the kitchen to store the cauliflowers, wilted or otherwise, and that Ikanago-san's poetry actually sucked and could someone shoot him already! And that the six men who lived together and she was pretty sure were all asylum escapees were trying to get her to join their teddy bear worshipping cult via bouquet-of-roses-giving asphyxiation, Komushi's genius (read: insane) mind came up with the perfect solution to kill two birds with one kunai.

Mwahahahahaha.

"I want it all to stop!" she breathed, concluding her rant and pouting sadly at the empty dessert bowl. "And there's no more dessert left to make this better!"

Komushi cracked his knuckles anticipatorily, his grin a touch manic. "Yori-chan, I know how to fix this!"

Yori looked at him with something bordering on burgeoning hope. "R-Really?"

"Yeah! You just leave it to me, okay? Let's get you home for now, 'cause you have work, right?"

Yori felt a slight tingle of danger at the glint of manic happiness in Komushi's eyes, but the food was good, and she was full, and she would not let her danger-senses ruin this moment.

"T-Thank you, Komushi-san," she said gratefully.

He gave her huge grin and a thumbs up.

Komushi, after dropping Yori back to the Kazekage household, went back to the Leaky Lettuce and stood on top of a chair, grabbing everyone in the general vicinity's attention.

"Everybody!" he began, looking like an announcer at a football stadium. "Let it be known far and wide, tell everyone you know, spread the word! My master, Akasuna no Sasori, son of Kunyo, and Yori, daughter of Haruka, are now officially engaged!"

Everyone started wolf-whistling and howling, all enjoying the news that one of their war heroes was settling down, though they'd not heard of the girl before.

Komushi accepted loads of congratulations, let everyone look at a candid picture of her he'd taken while she wasn't aware—"Whoa, she is pretty!" "Hey, isn't she the one from the flyer?" "Nah, probably just old Shin pullin' our legs!" "Sasori-san's gonna eat her alive, int he?" "Probably, but at least he'll get good sex out of it!"—and then merrily took the news home.

"Now no one'll bother ya, Yori-chan, 'cause everyone knows not to mess with Sasori-kun, and your problem's fixed! I did good, right?" he said, talking to himself as he skipped back to tell Granny Chiyo all.

Ah, stupidity...

Sasori, in the process of blowing people up and poisoning their rations, was wondering how best to go about making Female laugh again.

…maybe he'd write her poetry?

He immediately discarded that thought. He had dignity.

Maybe he'd get Komushi to write her some poetry, and then both of them could laugh at the stupidity.

Lady Chiyo was ecstatic.

She cackled mentally, already picking out baby names and caterers.

I'm going to have grandbabies!

When Ikanago-san heard the news, he refused to believe it. The power of delusion is an awe-inspiring thing.

When Shingi heard, she immediately went over to Yori's house to secure her position as henna designer. The door was promptly slammed on her face, and she, delusional in the extreme, attributed that to pre-wedding jitters.

When Nae heard, she spread it to the entire Kazekage household staff, embellishing the non-existent love story to mythical proportions.

When Rasa-sama heard about the engagement, he fussed over what wedding present he should get them, and whether he needed to vet the groom.

When Karura-sama heard, she laughed herself into early labour.

Sasori and Yori, it must be said, never actually found out they were engaged.

Ever.

It seemed no one had thought to tell them, because of course they knew, surely!

Mwahahahahaha.

And there is the plot twist! Whenever anyone congratulates Yori, she doesn't actually know why they're doing it because she's ridiculously terrified. No one quite knows how to approach Sasori...at all. So they're blissfully unaware of the background shenanigan-causers, who are planning their wedding down to the last grain of rice. Ha!

What did you think of the chapter? Was it funny? I tried! Was everything to your liking? Please review?