Broken
When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're tryin' but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in your self
When you're broken
Emma sat in the bathroom holding the white stick in her hand. There was no way this was true. It couldn't be. Tears clouded her eyes as she threw the stick across the bathroom, the sound it made as it hit the floor only made her angrier.
For five minutes she sat there, tears rolling down her cheeks as she did the best she could to pull it together. On the other side of the door sat her brother and sister in law and as much as she wanted to go see them, she didn't want to tell them her news. No one would know until she was sure. Standing up she washed her face with cold water before she picked up the stick and box, not wanting anyone to see it as she hid it in her purse.
"Emma come on! We are going to be late!" Mary Margaret or Mary as they all seemed to call her, called through the door.
"I'm coming." She said as she straightened her dark grey dress and fixed her hair before she headed out of the bathroom. "Okay let's go." She said as she grabbed her blue cardigan and slipped it on making her way towards the door.
"I can't wait to see your family! They are always a great time." Mary said as they headed down to David's Truck.
"That's what you think. They adore you. Me not so much." Emma said as she opened the door to the back seat and got in, buckling up. David started the car as Mary started playing with the radio.
"What are you talking about Em. Everyone loves you." David said as they stated driving. Every since high school Emma never felt good enough for her family. David was a teacher for Storybrooke Middle, their cousin Graham was working for a large security agency and part time at the police station in town. Their other cousin Jefferson was a fashion designer that was always having new ideas that were a hit. And here was Emma, a 23 year old college dropout working part time at a coffee shop and now pregnant, by a guy she didn't even know the name of.
"Oh yeah I'm sure Mr. Nolan. It's always great to hear, 'Oh Emma don't worry, at least David will support you.' Or even, 'Emma maybe it's time to go back to college. One bad year isn't too hard.'" Emma said with a shake of her head. It wasn't one bad year at college. It was the constant feeling of being overwhelmed and alone. She couldn't do it. She had enough.
"Emma it's not that bad." David said trying to calm his sisters fears, though he knew it was bad. No one in the family believed she could do much. Adopted in to the Nolan family at 10, it was hard to prove something to people who didn't want her around. David knew Emma would make something great of herself. Until then he would be her rock.
"Two hours is all I'm staying. If I have to walk home I will." She told him feeling like a brat. She mumbled an apology before she turned and looked out the window. David and Mary where talking about a few houses they had planned to move in to and whether or not they could get their loans. As they pulled up to Ruth Nolan's house, David and Mary got out and headed inside, Emma needing a moment to breath. After realizing it wouldn't help to stall, she got out and headed into the house, smiling as she passed people, wanting to find her mom.
"Emma! It's so good to see you! How are you? How is college?" Her aunt asked giving her a smile. "Converse with a dress Emma? That doesn't seem like a good idea. Maybe Jefferson can give you some advice. He's been working on a shoe line." Her aunt smirked as she spoke. Emma bit her lip shaking her head.
"I'm fine, college is no longer but I'm sure you already knew that and wanted to just rub it in, And yes converse with a dress because I can do whatever the fu-"
"Emma! It's so good to see you!" Jefferson said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder leading her away from their aunt.
"I owe you one." Emma told him kissing his cheek softly. Jeff smiled shaking his head.
"Naw it's all good. She cornered me earlier, tried to tell me I should go to school and teach like David." Jeff said with a laugh. Emma joined in sighing as they sat down in the rec room. David stood in the corner talking to Graham and Mary sat on the other couch talking to Tink, Graham's fiancé.
"I don't even know why I come, seriously I always feel like shit here." Emma said with a sigh as she ran her hand through her hair.
"Jeff you left me alone and suddenly I have been proposed to." A voice said as a man came in to the room. Emma's attention turned to the man in question, before looking to Jeff, raising an eyebrow.
"Sorry, my cousin needed some saving." Jefferson said as Killian came towards them.
"Well then you are forgiven. Besides I may be your new uncle." Killian said with a laugh as he looked to Emma holding his hand out.
"Killian Jones, future Uncle." He said with a laugh, Emma laughing as he shook hers.
"Nice to meet you future uncle. I'm Emma Nolan." She said smiling. Jeff smirked looking at them before shaking his head.
"Killian moved here to be a doctor to help out Whale now that he is getting married. Emma is my college dropout cousin who works with coffee." Jeff said with a laugh.
"I take it you are the favorite cousin then?" Killian questioned as he let go of her hand. Emma shook her head as she looked to him.
"Only with the cousins. To the rest of the family I'm the worse in the world." She said as her mom poked her head in to the room looking at Emma.
"Em, come here please." Ruth said with a stern look on her face. Emma sighed as she excused herself, David following her out.
"Is everything okay mom?" Emma asked as the three of them stood in the bedroom.
"Your aunt Caroline told me what happened. Emma why must you always have an attitude when you come around?" Ruth asked softly placing her hand on Emma's cheek. Emma looked to her mom before looking to her brother, waiting for back up. When David said nothing Emma shook her head.
"Are you serious right now? I walk in to the house get attacked by my own aunt and now I'm the bad guy?" She asked shaking her head, tired of feeling like the black swan. "I'm leaving. I'm so tired of feeling unwanted and unwelcomed with my own family. I'm sorry I'm the worse Nolan there is. I try my best constantly but I guess I'll never be good enough." She said tears in her eyes as she left out the back door, not wanting to see any more family.
"Emma!" A voice stopped her, not far from the driveway. She started walking again, sighing as Killian caught up to her.
"Jeff told me what was going on. I'm sorry." He told her as he matched her pace. Emma sighed and pulled her cardigan closer to her body shrugging.
"13 years later and I'm still used to it." She told him as they walked. He gave her a look and she sighed. "I was adopted, left on the side of a road after my birth and bounced around until I came to stay with Ruth and David. Only a month after they took me in did she decide to adopt me. I thought I had found family. With the two of them I did everyone else not so much. I was a disappointment when I wasn't matching grades with everyone else, when I wasn't doing well in college, when I didn't get a fulltime job like they wanted me too. I work at a café. I dropped out of college; I live with my brother and his wife. I'm pregnant and have no clue where the date is…" Emma stopped when she realized she just told him something she didn't even know was true.
"Stop walking for a moment." He said as he stood in front of her, his hand on her arm, watching her. "How far along are you?" He asked softly, part of him knew that she hadn't told anyone yet, it was written on her face.
"I don't know. I just found out before I came. I could tell something was wrong because I hadn't wanted coffee in a while, I had felt sick." Emma told him sighing softly. Saying it out loud finally made her realize it was true. She was pregnant. "Um, wont Jefferson be curiously where you went?" She asked curiously as she looked up to him. Killian shook his head giving her a smile.
"No love, he knew that I would want to make sure you were okay." He told her giving her a smile. Emma nodded looking away from him, back towards the house.
"Thank you. I'll be okay though." She said before she turned and headed away from the house and towards town. She figure that he had headed back inside, but instead she heard his steps falling in sync with hers.
"I think you are going to do something amazing, even if your family doesn't think so. Just give it some time love." He told her as they walked. Emma couldn't help but roll her eyes. She didn't believe him. "I know you will be a great mom. You seem strong and brave." He told her with a smile. Emma looked at him shaking her head.
"I don't think I will. What kind of mom doesn't know who the dad is?" She asked, curiously. She didn't think she could be a great mom. Her own family wouldn't have faith in her.
"Just trust me. I've known you all of 20 minutes now and you seem strong and brave to me. I know you will be great." He told her as they got more in to town.
"Know any good doctors? I will need one." She said with a teary laugh. Killian laughed himself giving her a smile.
"I know a few. Ill help you get set up with a good one. Since im new to town I could use a few friends. How about it Black swan?" He asked smiling. Emma laughed at the nick name shaking her head.
"Alright Pirate. We can be friends, though I need a better nickname for you." She teased him as she stopped walking in front of her apartment building. "I may need to get my life in order. Having a friend could be great. Want to come in, hang out for a while?" She said as she opened the door, turning to look at him.
"Sure. Lead the way Black Swan." He said as they headed up to the apartment, Emma leading him inside. Closing the door after him, she kicked her shoes off and hung her cardigan up on the door.
"Why Storybrooke?" She asked curiously as she started making coffee for him, both sitting in the kitchen, Emma on the counter and Killian at the countertop bar.
"Well I had been in New York after I finished my residency and Victor, who I had met in med school, called me and told me they were looking for another doctor here. So I took it. I wanted a change from the large town life." He told her smiling as she handed him a mug.
"Whale has been looking for a doctor to join him here for a while now. It's been hard on him and Ruby to plan their wedding when he's always busy." Emma said softly as she took a drink of her hot cocoa.
"Can I ask how you ended up pregnant?" Killian took a sip of his coffee watching her. Emma laughed over her hot cocoa watching him.
"Well Dr Jones, When a man and a women get drunk after a night of partying, they end up naked and in bed with the other." She started, Killian joining in and laughing.
"That's now what I meant Swan." He told her shaking his head. "You don't have to tell me. I was just curious." He drank his coffee, setting his cup on the counter.
"It was girl's night, maybe 4 or 5 months ago. I was tired of being the good one, I had never drank before, never done anything that was wild, according to Mary, Ruby and Elsa. So I let loose. Now I'm pregnant." She said with a laugh as she set the mug down.
"Well I know a few doctors in the next town over if you want to go there, or Whale will take you. I guess it depends on what you want to do." He told her as he rested back in the chair. Emma told a moment to think trying to figure out what she would want to do.
"Okay this is going to sound weird but could you maybe?" She trailed off as she looked to him. She liked Whale, hell they had been friends since high school. But she wasn't sure she wanted him as her doctor. Killian looked to her thinking for a moment.
"If that is what you want, then I can be your doctor. But its all up to you. Either way, ill be here for you Em. You will need support and I promise to give it to you." He told her giving her a smile. Emma smiled back as she stood up, opening her mouth to say something when the door open. David and Mary walked in, followed by Jeff, Graham, and Tink.
"Thank God, you weren't answering your phone and it was annoying!" Mary said moving to hug Emma holding her for a moment.
"Why are you guys here? Family event over?" Emma asked as she looked to them. David shook his head and moved to hug her, whispering an apology in to her ear.
"It wasn't worth it. After Jeff and David went off on everyone it was kinda boring." Tink said making her way to hug Emma as well.
"Wait what happened?" She asked as she looked to them.
"They wouldn't leave it alone. I'm sick of them talking crap about my sister. So after you left everyone was standing n the main room getting ready to eat and Aunt Caroline said something and that was enough. Jeff and I went off on them. Mom even joined in. She said she will call you later." David told her as he looked to her. "Em I'm sorry. I always thought you were just being over dramatic but I should have supported you. I hope you know that we want you to live here with us as long as you need to. And I will do whatever I can to help you in any way okay? I'm your big brother, I should start acting like it." David said as he gave her a smile before Emma wrapped him in another hug.
"Thank you. But I'm going to move out soon actually. I think its best that you guys have your space. You don't need your little sister here while you are newlyweds. I'll start looking soon. Maybe get Elsa to move in with me." She said with a small smile. David watched her for a moment before he nodded.
"Okay. If that is what you wants to do then I support it." He told her kissing her head before going to pour himself a cup of coffee. A few others followed his lead as they stood around talking. Killian's phone broke through the conversations, causing them to all still. He excused himself and headed to answer it, Tink breaking the silence.
"He's got a great butt." She said, graham giving her a confused look before Emma and Mary laughed.
"Well she isn't wrong. It is pretty great." Mary said laughing as David looked to her. Emma shook her head at them as she stood up, taking the empty cups to the sink. Killian came back out and looked to her, giving her a small smile.
"Sorry love, I have to get to the hospital for an appointment. But ill see you soon?" He asked her, Emma nodding with a smile. She watched him leave before she loaded up the mugs into the dishwasher and returned to living room.
"You and Killian huh?" Jeff asked as he rested back in his seat smirking. Emma blushed shaking her head.
"Probably not. He's just super sweet to me. We agreed to be friends so knock off that match maker crap!" Emma said with a small laugh shaking her head. "Hey has anyone heard from Regina today? She was supposed to get home from England last night, visiting Robins family but she never called." Emma said changing the subject.
"Kinda, she texted me and told me that she would meet us for lunch tomorrow for our normal Sunday girls brunch." Mary Margaret said smiling. Emma nodded biting her lip as she thought for a moment. Regina and Robin had been married for 4 years and finally pregnant with her first child, a little boy. Roland, Robin's son from his first marriage, was excited to be a big brother. Emma wondered if she could get Regina alone for a few moments and talk to her.
"Em you still here?" Tink asked with a smile, concerned for her friend who seemed to be off in her own mind. Emma nodded standing up.
"Yeah I'm all good. I'm going to go change and hide out in my room. I love you people and will see you later." She said pressing a kiss to Tink and Mary's cheeks before she headed down to her room and closed the door. Stripping the dress off, she replaced it with sweats and an oversized t shirt making her way to her bed. Lying back, she had pressed against her stomach wondering if she could really be a mom.
If she could really do this.
Emma woke the next morning tired and feeling sick. She barely made it to the bathroom before she emptied her stomach contents in to the toilet.
"Seriously over morning sickness!" She mumbled to herself as she stood up and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Emma brushed her teeth and showered needing to get ready for the day.
Once she was dressed, her favorite leggings and a long blue t-shirt, she checked and made sure she was alone.
Pressing the call button to the hospitals number she sat down and closed her eyes for a moment.
"Storybrooke General, this is Lucy how can I help you?" Emma took a deep breath needing to stay calm.
"Hi I um need to make an appointment, with Dr. Jones. I haven't been feeling too well." She said softly as she stood and paced towards the window, watching the rain slide down the glass.
"Alright, how soon would you like to be seen? He's got openings today at 11,2:10, 2:45, and 5. Is there a time that works best today or would you like to look at another day?" Lucy asked, curiously as Emma heard typing. Emma looked to the clock before she thought a moment. She had to meet the girls in 20 but she knew she could be at the hospital by 2 for an appointment.
"Um let's go with the 2:10 one." She said softly as she heard a key in the lock. Lucy went over what Emma needed to bring and told her to check in at 2. Emma thanked her and hung up, David walking in a moment later.
"Good morning sleepy head! You missed breakfast this morning. Shouldn't you be headed to Wonderland Bistro soon?" He asked as he took his jacket off and hung it up. Emma nodded as she sat down and pulled her converse on.
"Yeah I am headed there now. Just had to make a few calls. Mom called last night, I'm going over for dinner tonight so I may just crash there to be safe." She told him as she grabbed her jacket and slipped it on. She pressed a kiss to his cheek before she headed out making her way towards Wonderland.
Every Sunday since they were teenagers, Regina, Ruby, Emma, Tink, Mary Margaret, Elsa and Anna, all got together and had brunch. Now that they are in their early 20's they still make sure to meet up. They all still ordered the same thing and sat for hours talking. Alice, Wonderlands owner, always saved them a table and made sure to stop in and see them for a while.
Being the first one there, she headed to their table, waving to Alice and her daughter Grace who sat at the counter. Taking a seat she smiled and rested back waiting on the rest of the girls. One by one they showed up and took a seat, all ordered once they were all together.
"Reg how was England?" Anna asked as she took a drink of her coffee smiling.
"It was amazing. I loved going over there, Robin and I are talking about doing it again once Henry is born. It will be a fun trip for the boys and his family can't wait to meet Henry. Neither can we." She rubbed her stomach as she looked down at her 7th month belly.
"I can't wait to meet him!" Elsa said as she placed her hand on Regina's grinning. The rest of the girls agreed as their food came to the table.
"Is everyone free after this? I need to do some shopping and don't want to go alone." Tink said with a smile. Mary and Elsa were in but the others shook their heads.
"I have to meet Robin to pick out baby things," Regina said softly, apologizing.
"I have work, Anna too." Ruby said, taking a bite of her eggs smiling at Elsa.
"I have a work as well. If I'm late again Archie will fire me." Emma said with a sigh, drinking her hot chocolate. She didn't want to tell them she had an appointment to go too, she didn't want to worry them or tell them she was pregnant just yet.
"Well you guys suck. We will have to make another date to all go." Tink said as they ate, the talk flowing between them all. Emma listened as most talked about their careers or the amazing things they have been doing and Emma felt like a failure in comparison. As they finished brunch, they paid and headed out side standing out front for a few moments.
As they parted ways, Emma glanced to her phone seeing she needed to get to hospital for her appointment. She waited until she was sure the others wouldn't see her before she made her way to the hospital. After checking in she sat down and closed her eyes hoping that the test was wrong, that she just had a flu or something an she would be fine.
"Emma Nolan?" The nurse called out standing in the doorway. Emma rose and followed the nurse, who introduced herself as Ashley, down the hall and into an exam room.
"What brings you in?" Ashley asked as she sat down and started typing on the computer.
"I think I'm pregnant." Emma said softly looking to Ashley, someone she grew up with and had known forever. Ashley looked to her before nodding and wrote in the file.
"Don't worry, you're secret is safe with me. It will be okay." Ashley said as she clicked a few things and asked Emma a few things. Emma answered the best she could already feeling tears in her eyes. Ashley stood and gave her a hug an a small smile.
"Dr Jones will be in in a moment. Here's a cup, I need a sample." She said as she set the cup down, gave Emma the instructions, and headed out of the room. Emma sighed and made her way to the bathroom and tried to fill the cup the best she could before she headed out and set it where Ashley told her too.
A few moments later Killian opened the door and gave her a smile.
"Let me get this to Ashley and then we will have results." He told her taking the cup and leaving the room. For what felt like years, but was really only 10 or 15 minutes, he came back in and sat down.
"So? Am I pregnant?" Emma asked as her hand moved to her stomach, as if to protect her from the news. Killian nodded and stood moving to her.
"I'm pregnant." She said before she ducked her head and started crying. Killian knew it was against code to get involved but she was his friend first, he wrapped his arms around her and held her as she cried. Emma wasn't sure of the tears were happy or sad tears. "I'm okay. I promise. I just don't know what I'm going to do now. I have barely any money, a dead end job, and I'm alone." She said between tears. Killian shook his head looking to her.
"Things are going to be okay I promise Em. Ill be here to help. It will be okay." He told her kissing her head softly. Emma nodded bringing her hand up to wipe her tears off before smiling to him.
"Thank you. I am sorry I'm so up and down. I would blame the baby but its not her fault." Emma said with a laugh as she looked down at her stomach. Killian laughed smiling.
"Let's set up an appointment to get you an ultra sounds, for now I will get you the prenatal you need as well as some resources that can help." Killian told her as he wrote some things down for her. She nodded and placed her hand on her stomach.
"How far along do you think I am?" She asked as she took the papers from him and tucked them in to her purse.
"I'm not too sure. The ultrasound will be able to give you more info than I can." He clicked the pen and tucked it into the pocket of his white coat. Emma nodded as she stood up. "Ashley will call you and set that up. Don't worry, unless you want it out no one will know." He told her as they walked out together. Emma thanked him again before she left making her way to work, already 5 minutes late.
Archie gave Emma a look as she walked in.
"I know I'm a few minutes late but I promise it will be the last time." She told him as she grabbed her apron. His hand stopped her, taking the apron from her.
"Emma, It's been more than one time in the last few weeks. I can't keep doing this. I'm sorry Em." He told her softly. "You can pick up your last check Tuesday." He told her softly. Emma looked away tears in her eyes. Another thing she was failing at, not what she needed.
"I understand Archie. Thank you." She said as she turned and left doing her best to keep it together. It felt like everything bad that could happen was happening at once. No one would hire her now because she would have to leave to have her baby, and she had nothing.
She started walking hoping Regina was home.
Emma knocked on Regina's door wiping her eyes. She knew that she could talk to her mom about this but she was scared to let her down again. As the door opened she gave Robin a smile, hoping she wasn't bothering him.
"Em, is everything okay?" He asked worried, ushering her in and closing on the door. Regina came in to the room frowning when she saw Emma's tear stained face.
"Em what's going on?" Regina asked moving to her. Emma couldn't hold it in and cried more, falling to her knees. Robin picked her up and carried her to the living room, setting her on the couch. After a few moments she sat up and rubbed her eyes.
"I'm pregnant, scared, alone, jobless, a failure and I have no idea what I'm doing any more." Emma spilled out as she took a deep breath before she looked up to them. Regina say down and wrapped her arm around Emma.
"Slow down and lets tackle things one at a time. Youre pregnant?" She asked softly, robin ducking from the room to give them time. Emma nodded looking over at the window before looking to Regina. "When did that happen?"
"Girls night. I got too drunk and went home with someone. And now I'm pregnant." Emma said as she tried not to cry. Regina placed her hand on Emma's back rubbing it gently.
"Its going to be okay Em. I will be here to help you get through this all. What about your job? I thought you were working at Jiminy Cricket Coffee?" Regina asked Emma closing her eyes shaking her head.
"No. I got let go today. I've been late a lot lately due to the morning sickness. I don't blame him." She said softly as she rubbed her face. "No place will hire me now because I'm pregnant." She said softly closing her eyes. Regina just held her as she cried giving her the comfort she needed.
"You need to go back to school then Em. It will be good for you and the baby. Online courses or something. You will be okay Emma. Robin and I will be right here to help you, everyone will be." Regina sounded so sure of it, it almost gave Emma the confidence she needed. Emma took a deep breath looking to Regina.
"I can always ask you things about pregnancy right?" Emma asked curiously. Regina nodded as she gave her a smile.
"Of course. I can answer anything you have. And by the way, the morning sickness does go away some times." She said with a laugh. Emma laughed herself before she started asking a few other questions. They hung out for a while, Robin and Roland coming down an hour later.
"EMMIE!" Roland ran towards her and jumped in to her arms smiling. Emma laughed kissing his head as she held him close to her.
"Rollie!" She said smiling tickling him some. Emma held him as they sat there talking about his schooling before Emma realized she was cutting in to dinner time. Before she could even apologize robin gave her a look. One that said not to even think about it. She hugged them all close before she left walking home.
Emma sat in her room eating a bowl of Mac and cheese, the computer screen showing the community college online courses sign up. Regina was right, she should go back to school. She could get help from the family while she was doing classes, for what she didn't know. But at least she knew she would have help.
David knocked on the door and popped his head in giving her a smile.
"Heading to moms soon?" David asked as he came in to the room and noticed the screen, "Going back to school?" He asked sitting on her bed, stealing the bowl from her and took a bite. "Why are you eating if you are going to moms for dinner?" He asked curiously handing her the bowl back.
"Yes I'm heading there soon, I'm thinking about it and I was hungry." Emma said with a laugh as she finished her bowl setting it down. "I don't know what I would go back for yet but it would be something." She said as she stood up and grabbed her jacket off her bed. The papers from Killian fell out and David picked them up, Emma trying to grab them before he could see them.
"Emma? What is this?" He asked as he read over the papers. "You're pregnant? When were you going to tell me?" David asked looking to her. Emma sighed and sat down taking the papers from her.
"I just found out this morning. It's a bit of a surprise to me. It happened at girls' night a few months back I think. I told Killian yesterday, probably why I snapped at mom so easily yesterday. So I went to see him today and a test confirmed it. Now im going to tell mom. My plan was to tell you tonight after I told her." She said softly, leaving out she already told Regina, she could tell him that later.
"Who is the dad?" David's anger was clear on his face. Emma took a step back, setting the papers on her night stand.
"Um I don't remember his name," She said softly. David rose to his feet and shook his head.
"I cant believe you would be so stupid. You are stupid Emma! I can't believe you would do this! Of all things you do it would be getting pregnant by someone you don't even know." David shook his head as he stormed from her room, slamming the door behind him. Emma watched him leave, crying. She couldn't believe he would do that to her. She called her mom, told her she didn't feel and would see her tomorrow. Grabbing her gym bag from under her bed she threw some what she needed in to it and left the apartment, letting the door slam behind her.
She walked away from the apartment and grabbed her phone and entered in a number before pressing call.
"Hey its Emma, I know it's a lot to ask but can I come stay with you for the night? David and I got into a fight." She said softly, sighing a breath of relief. "Thank you. I'll be there shortly. I owe you one." She said before she hung up and started walking.
A|N: Chapter one! Whatcha think so far? I'll try to update weekly but it could be more if the muse is here. Also I know this is a little OOC for all characters but the feelings from Emma I relate to well so it just worked perfectly for this storyline.
Your input would be greatly welcomed,
One: What do you want Emma to go back to school for? Or where should she get a job?
Two: What Gender should the baby be? I'm leaning towards Girl, given Emma's wording but what do you think?
Thanks for reading! Please leave a review and let me know what you think!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything! Characters all belong to the show, same goes for the song. Song is Broken my Lindsey Haun