Valentine's day, huh?

I lost her on this date.

I miss her.

I miss her warmth.

I miss her voice.

I miss her smile.

I hope she's well up there.

.

.

"Ssshh.. Don't be sad.."

"..."

"I'm sure she's watching you from up there, she would be sad if you're sad.."

"Yeah. Thank you for telling me."

"Cheer up! Do you want to talk about it?"

"You've already know everything on my mind without I have to tell you."

"Ah.. yes. But not entirely. Some of them are like screaming and some just whispering.."

"What is the screaming like?"

"I just heard your voice, you're screaming yet not making any noises. Perhaps it's your mind. Perhaps those are words which you wanted to tell someone but you just can't"

"And those screaming words are?"

"...I miss my mother, I need someone."

"You really see through me, huh?"

"That's why I always asked if you want to talk to me about it.. I want to at least you're leaving this forest a little bit relieved.."

"I liked this forest and the lake ever since. Being here is relaxing. I forget about my problems for a while."

"Take your time to be here. I liked it when someone comes here"

"But well I need to go, I need to meet some people."

"Take care on your way.." Come back here soon, please?

xxx

Even when you look at it for an hour, you wouldn't found anyone.

It just the red haired boy alone in the forest sitting by a lakeside.

He comes every once in a while.

He drives an expensive luxury black sedan by himself.

He wears suits most of times.

Isn't it a little bit odd for a man to come to the forest wore a suit with his expensive clean shoes?

But well, perhaps he comes after a business meeting.

Or, just an escape?

.

.

I heard that voice again.

I talked to it again.

I'm not even sure where does the soft voice come from.

But I still replying every time it talks to me, I can't resist..

The voice is so relaxing, It calms me down immediately..

Something like.. forest spirit?

Or it just my mind making things up?

Or, it just me getting insane?

xxx

Ah.. and in the end I will always come back to this forest.

Every year, every 14th of February, my subconscious always choose to come here.

How many years has it been? Ten? Twelve?

Perhaps "he" wants me to have a peace of mind, so he convincing me to come here.

It's always "him" that told me to come here.

And strangely enough, the forest can understand that I need someone to talk with.

"It" can read my mind, or, just like it said, some like screaming and some just whispering.

I'm not quite understand but I don't really mind.

It talks like a human, but more understanding, less judging, with no physical form.

I don't mind.

I don't mind at all.

.

.

"Welcome back"

"Hello."

"It's quite unusual"

"About?"

"You came here by a jeep and no suit."

"You know everything, no?"

"A-ah no it just.. Your mind doesn't scream in pain anymore.."

"Really?"

"Yeah it's so calm.. But still, a little bit chaotic"

"It's normal for human to have a little bit chaotic mind."

.

He's smiling, he's smiling, he's smiling. It's the most breathtaking smile I've ever seen..

Even though he's smiling, but somehow there's still a pain over his eyes.

.

"Why do you always come here every 14th of February?"

"You could already know the answer, you could just read my mind."

"Uhm.. I choose not to.. Moreover, it's impolite of me, it's you privacy.."

So a spirit could be more polite than human, no? "I.. lost my mother at 14th of February. She had been fought the cancer since my kindergarten year but unfortunately she lost it five years later. She was smiling even when it was her final time, the image of her sweet smile still carved on the back of my head like it was yesterday. It's sweet yet so painful."

"I-I'm sorry.."

"Don't be. I chose to tell you."

"Sorry.."

"It's alright."

"..."

"Hey, It has been ten years since the first time I came here yet I don't know what you are"

"It has been twelve years actually.."

"Yeah, yeah. So what are you?"

"Can I know your name first? I never learned about your name after all these years.."

"Akashi Seijuuro. And you are?"

"Well.. Human called me something like forest spirit."

"Do you have any form?"

"Nope. I live in a tree, But I have no exact form."

"And which tree are you living in?"

"There, the shortest tree on your right."

"It's a nice tree."

"Thanks! I have been working hard to keep the tree to have enough nutrition and growing up nicely"

"You did a great job. Is there any spirit here? Or it just you?"

"Actually there are so many spirits in this forest, even on the lake."

"They could talk like you?"

"They could talk if they want. They could know everything happened in this forest. They could have a form, even as a human."

"Wait. You said they could have a form even as a human yet you said you don't have an exact form?"

"Uh.. how to explain it.. We, spirits, have an age too. Simply put I'm still a young spirit, and a young spirit couldn't have a form yet."

"So you could be a human if you have reached the certain age?"

"You got it right"

"How many more years is it?"

"Four more years. On this exact day, 14th of February. Why do you ask?"

"Nope. I just think that it would be great to have you as a human form. I could talk with you on ease, without any pressure, without any stress."

"We still can talk even if I have no form..?"

"It just that sometimes I questioning myself whether I really talk with something or it just my mind making things up. I'm actually thinking that I'm getting insane."

"You must be joking right"

"Nope"

"To think that we have talked for about eight years yet you still questioning my existence.."

"Sorry, that's all because you have no form." How funny is it to know that a spirit could be sulking? "But well, you said I've been come here for twelve years but we have been talking for eight years, how is it?"

"Ah.. I still remember the first time, the day you came here.. You were still a young boy, about thirteen? You came here running, perhaps lost your way. Then you were immediately sat exactly there, the only place you've been sitting on even after all these years. You were crying, you were mad, like something was bothering you. I want to comfort you but I'm afraid I would make you scared.."

"And then?"

"You came here again the next year. I still remember you. You were not running, you were not crying anymore. You walked so calm yet your eyes hold so much pain. But I just watched you in silent.."

"..."

"The third and the fourth time you came here, your eyes still hold the pain and sadness, not as much but it still a huge amount. You were always sitting by a lakeside for several hours with your empty eyes then come back home. You looked so.. lonely and hurts. That's when I finally decided to talk to you."

"I remember the part when you were suddenly talking to me, I was startled."

"Sorry to startled you.. But I was the one that startled since at that time you didn't look so startled, it's strange."

"I used to hide my emotion. But you could see it crystal clear right away."

"I know, you don't want people to read you like an open book. You want to hide your feelings from everything and that's not good"

"It's getting better now"

"I clearly can see it. You're not sad anymore, you began to smile.." And that smile, your gentle smile, melts me.

xxx

"If the spirit changes its form, how old would they be?"

"It's up to them, you could say they could turn into all ages as they want"

"Say, if the spirit changes its form into a human, could they turn it back into the spirit form?"

"Uhm.. Actually it depends on every spirit. Some could change into everything and comes back as a spirit as they want, some just have once in a life time opportunity to change a form."

"And which one are you?"

"The.. second one."

"..."

"Why?"

"Have any spirit which on the second group tried to be a human?"

"Hm.. I think there are several of them."

"And?"

"They fell in love with human, mostly with those who visits the forest regularly." Like me, to you. "Some of them have their happy ending, some are not."

"What happened with those who's not getting their happy ending?"

"..They wished to be a spirit once more with all their might, but no one could turn them back into their original form. Some of them buried themselves here, underneath the forest's soil and some of them drown themselves into the lake. They thought at least they could be back here with us.. But sadly nope, they just died like a human. Their soul goes straight up there"

"What.."

"I have a mixed feelings too when I heard the story.."

"Would you turn your form into a human? It's one more year, right?"

"W..Why do you ask?"

"Just.. curious."

"I-I wanted to.. but I'm afraid.." I'm afraid that you would leave me, I'm afraid of unrequited love, I'm afraid I found myself crying and begging asking for a change on myself back into the spirit form, I'm afraid, I'm afraid..

"What are you afraid of?"

"It's.. several reasons."

"Do you ever falling in love with a human? Do you afraid you would found yourself begging for a change on yourself back into your original form?"

"Wh- How could you-?"

"Just a feeling. So what I said is right?"

"Y-yeah.." It's you. It's only you. It's been always you that makes me want to change my form. I want to touch you. I want to hug you until all your broken pieces are back altogether. I want to be with you. I want to fix you.

Sigh. "Who's this lucky girl?"

"Eh?"

"You're a man, right? Your voice is so soft but it wouldn't trick me."

"Uh yeah.."

Sigh. "I need to go back."

"S-sure. Come back here again?"

"Perhaps."

.

.

Why does he mad at me?

Did I do something wrong? Did I said something I shouldn't have? Did I-

Why? Why did you look so disappointed?

But to think that he thought it was a girl..

It's not normal, huh? to have your heart on a man when yourself is also a man..

.

.

I'm such an idiot he would've known that I'm disappointed.

He shouldn't be afraid since I'd be there if anything ever happened to him.

He's not even argue when I said a girl.

My heart feels so.. strange.

Am I really falling for a forest spirit?

xxx

"Welcome back!"

"Why are you always said 'welcome back' like this is our home?"

"Because eventually you would always come back? And this is literally my home, you know.. Moreover, I think you feel at home every time you're being here, no?"

"Hm, good point."

"I know right.."

"Today is the day, right?"

"Yeah.."

"So, would you turn into a human form?"

"After some long thought and a deep consideration, yes I would."

"..Guess you loved that girl very much."

"..."

"How old would you be?"

"Around your age"

"..I see." what's with this pain stabbing my heart? It hurts. I shouldn't come here after all.

"When will you change your form?"

"A little while ago."

"Wha- Where are you now?" So that's why the sound is a little bit different, yet the same soft voice.

"..Somewhere around this forest."

"Can I see you?" I want to see your physical form. I want to touch you. I want to hug you. I want to make you mine.

"I'm not ready.."

"You should be ready if you want to be with that girl." I want to puke.

"..."

"I can wait until you're ready."

"No.. No no no don't"

"Why?"

"I'm so afraid I might not have enough courage to come out forever.."

"It's ok, I'll be waiting. Whenever you feel like ready."

.

.

He's really waiting.. It has been five hours and he's still there, sitting by a lakeside.

.

.

"It's already 6 pm.. You should come back to your house now, it would be dark soon.."

"I said I will wait for you."

"Why? Why should you waited for me for a long time? You could have found and see my human form after I said I've changed. You already know where I am right from the start."

"Because you said you were afraid. I wanted to give you some space, give you a peace of mind like you usually gives to me. I don't care if I need to stay here for a day or more. I will wait."

"Please don't give me more hopes.."

Sobs.

"Wait, are you crying?"

"..."

"..."

"..You can come here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"I'm going there, are you really sure?"

"Just.. come"

.

.

There he is, standing next to the tree he has been taking care for years.

His hair color is brown, just like the wood, like the soil, like the earth.

His hazel eyes are so clear, with a little bit of reddish from the crying.

He has the same height as me.. No, perhaps a little bit shorter.

Have I ever seen a human form this beautiful?

I want to get closer.

I want to touch you.

I want to hug you.

I want you.

You,

and only you.

.

"May I get closer?"

He chuckles.

His smile, oh God, his smile.

Even his face still has the trace of the tears.. It's so perfect.

He's so beautiful.

He's everything that I want.

.

"Sure, Akashi."

"..You just called my name."

"Yeah, you told me back then, remember?"

"I don't know if you ever had one, but what's your name?"

"Furihata Kouki."

"A beautiful name.. just like you."

He's blushing.

He's blushing.

He's blushing.

He smells perfect.

He smells like everything goods blended perfectly with a right amount of sweet and a little bit of mint.

Have I ever said he's so beautiful for a scale of human being?

.

"May I touch your fingers?"

"Sure"

Our fingers are interlocked.

His fingers are so cute.

His skin is so soft, I want to touch more of it.

I want to have the right to touch him everywhere.

I want him.

I want him.

.

"This is so embarrasing.."

"Why, do you hate it?"

"No. I love-" you. "-it."

Akashi is smiling..

His gentle smile..

It melts me even more when we're this close..

I want to touch his shoulder..

I want to touch his cheek..

I want to touch his hair..

"-I want to touch your face"

"Go ahead."

.

..D-DID I JUST SAID IT ALOUD?

.

"W-well then"

He's so warm..

"Your palm is so warm."

"Eh? I just thought you're the warm one despite the cold night"

"No, it's you. You just like a warm bottle." and I need to hug you.

.

"..May I hug you?"

"EEEH? I mean.. S-sure.. Are you cold?"

"Yes. And I need your warmth."

.

I don't care if you've fallen for another human.

I don't care as long as I could touch you.

I don't care as long as I could see your smile.

I don't care as long as you're exist.

.

"So, who's this lucky girl? Have I met her here, Kouki?"

gulps.

"You were always alone in this forest.."

"Right. What does she looks like?"

"Uh.. Listen, Akashi. You might have a little bit of misunderstanding here.."

"How come?"

"First, It's not a girl."

"So it's a man?"

"..Is it weird? Do you hate it? Do find a relationship between a man disgusting?"

"Not entirely."

Thanks God.

"What does he looks like?" I want to throw myself into the lake. I don't want to hear his answer.

"What does your dream couple type would be like?"

"You haven't answered my question." It's not like I'm ready to hear it.

"Just.. answer it, please?"

"Has a good heart, feels like home every time we're talking, comforting, understands me.."

I might have a chance..

I might have a chance..

I might have a chance..

"And I want to have a warm household, with two children."

Or not.

A man couldn't get pregnant, no?

"-But I don't mind if it's a woman or man, as long as I loved them and have my love returned, everything is doesn't really matter."

"..."

"Your turn to answer my question."

"Red haired, Height a little bit taller than me, gentle smile, likes to come here every year on 14th of February."

"It couldn't be-"

I want to die. This is so embarrassing that I could die. I shouldn't said it in the first place. What if Akashi thinks that I'm disgusting? What if he doesn't want to talk with me anymore? What if h-

"-my love has been returned?"

"..Eh?"

.

My lips suddenly feels so warm and sweet

Does he just.. placed his lips on mine?

Is this what they called a kiss?

My first kiss..

It's sweet

It's too sweet that I can't hold back my tears

I want him..

I want him forever..

.

.

I can't help but to kiss him.

A clumsy kiss.

The sweetest lips I've ever tasted.

The sweetest taste I've ever known.

I want him forever.

I want him.

.

.

"Would you be mine?"

"Wh-?"

"I will protect you. I will make sure you're safe and sound. I will make you smile everyday. I will never hurt you. I would rather die than would make you sad. I swear I will love you right, I will love you until my last breath. I swear I love you. I love you. I do love you, Furihata Kouki."

.

He's crying..

But somehow it gives a warm feeling.

Perhaps it's because he's smiling?

.

"I would love to, Akashi Seijuuro. I love you.. I do love you."

xxx