Set after 3.04.

How to get what you want

Chapter 1: Don't you lie

'I still can't give you what you want,' Zero said. Jude laughed, because: this again? The more things change, the more they stay the same, he thought. That saying had never made sense to him, but it did now.

'You kissed me, remember?' he reminded Zero. They were alone for the first time since their very public kiss and things were already off to a bad start. Jude didn't know what he had expected. Not that he would find himself back at the beginning. We keep walking around in circles, he thought, feeling tired.

'I kissed you because...' Zero explained, pausing before he got to the actual explanation. Frustrated, Jude prompted him.

'Because?'

Zero looked at Jude and then away: a sure sign that what he was about to say would be a lie.

'Because I wanted to. And because you wanted me to,' Zero answered. Now, that wasn't a lie per se, but Jude had an inkling that it wasn't the whole truth either. Zero was very skilled at that. Half-truths.

'I see. You had no intention of following through,' Jude inferred.

'No,' Zero protested. 'I mean, yes. Listen, Jude, you don't understand.'

Jude wasn't sure whether Zero was protesting because the assumption was wrong or because it was correct. What Jude did know was that he was almost past caring.

'I keep thinking that we're getting somewhere, but we never do,' Jude muttered. He thought he'd finally gotten through to Zero, but apparently not. He wanted a normal relationship. And Zero wouldn't or couldn't give it to him. Case closed. Still, Zero must have had a reason beyond a simple desire to kiss Jude for outing himself so spectacularly. There had to be another angle. There usually was with Zero.

'So, did you kiss me to scare away Lucas?' Jude suggested.

'No,' Zero said dismissively. As if the idea was ridiculous. Alright, Jude thought, that was the truth, but – again – not all of it. He frowned.

'What did you tell Lucas to make sure he didn't meet me after the game?' he inquired. Zero didn't say anything. Jude could practically see the wheels turning in the athlete's mind. He's fabricating a story, Jude thought.

'Well?' he insisted. Zero didn't seem to like this line of questioning.

'Look, who cares? Forget about Lucas, okay? What I meant to say before…'

'What did you tell him?' Jude persisted, interrupting him. Looking off to the side, Zero replied. Lie, Jude immediately knew. Whatever was coming would be a lie.

'I told him to stay away from you or he'd be out of a job.'

'You're lying!' Jude exclaimed, feeling stunned despite himself.

'It doesn't matter what I told him. The guy wasn't good enough for you,' Zero reasoned. Jude's frown deepened. Zero, apparently sensing that further inquiries were coming, attempted to halt them by stepping closer.

'Jude…' he softly pleaded, but Jude fended him off.

'No. Answer me. And, while you're at it, explain to me why you are determined to stop anyone else from giving me the kind of relationship I want when you are absolutely unwilling to step up and be that person yourself. Explain to me why Lucas, who's been nothing but nice to me, is not good enough.'

Jude crossed his arms to indicate that he wasn't going anywhere until he had an answer. Zero sighed and formulated a reply of sorts.

'He's an asshole. Trust me, he is,' he defiantly offered. Jude rolled his eyes.

'At least he's interested in dating me,' he taunted. Zero bit back a reaction. Jude noticed and in a flash he realised what Zero had been trying to hide.

'He wasn't coming,' Jude deduced. 'You're lying about what you told him, because you didn't tell him anything. You didn't have to; he wasn't going to show up anyway. Oh. But why…? Wait. You outed yourself on live television to save me the embarrassment of being stood up?'

Zero shrugged. Jude made a disgusted noise.

'Great. You kissed me because you felt sorry for me,' he groaned.

'I didn't want you to get hurt,' Zero amended. Sure, that's sweet, Jude acknowledged, but it also rendered the kiss meaningless. It hadn't been a step at all, like he'd hoped. It had only ever been a bandage to put on a barely-there scrape. Suddenly, he was furious.

'I don't need protection,' he snapped.

'I'd want to protect you even if it wasn't necessary,' Zero admitted, smiling slightly. 'But that's not why I kissed you. I wouldn't have done that if I wasn't prepared to take this to the next level.'

'You just said that you can't give me what I want!' Jude angrily objected.

'And I can't. Not because I'm not ready to, but because I don't know how. Fortunately, that is fixable. I want you and I want what you want,' Zero explained. Jude stared at him.

'You do? Really?'

Zero nodded, while gently pulling Jude into his arms. Then he kissed Jude in that surprisingly tender way of his, which never failed to make Jude go weak at the knees. There was something so focused about it, as if all Zero desired was Jude. Jude and nothing else. The great thing was that it didn't feel particularly physical. It didn't feel like Zero merely wanted Jude; it felt like Zero wanted to be with Jude. Finally, they came up for air and Jude's brain kicked into overdrive.

'Lucas: why wouldn't he come? Did he say something to you? What did he say about me?'

Zero shook his head, signalling that he wasn't going to repeat whatever Lucas had said. Not now. Probably not ever. Maybe that's better, Jude reluctantly agreed. Zero gave him another one of those kisses and Jude's knees nearly buckled. Zero moved his mouth along Jude's jawline; nipping and teasing. Slowly, Zero pulled back. He studied Jude and appeared to take in all of him before leaning in again.

'He's an idiot. You're perfect, Jude.'