The Great Snowball Battle

My name is Shinji Ikari, and Fate hates my guts.

This is a fact that has, sadly, been proven true time and time again over my fourteen years of life. And among those many times, a certain person has always been in the middle of my misfortunes, either as the main cause for them or as an accomplice. A person that may cause many of you to raise an eyebrow in wonder:

My childhood friend, and the proverbial girl-next-door, Asuka Langley-Sohryu.

'A childhood friend?' I hear you ask. 'That's a cliché waiting to happen!'

Yeah... You can forget about that trope with this particular childhood friend. She's driven that precise point onto me with the force of a sledgehammer ever since we entered secondary education.

To be expected, really, since Asuka's developing looks sky-rocketed her popularity with the male half of the school roughly around that time. Girls take that stuff really seriously for some reason and, honestly, I'm just a run-of-the-mill guy that happens to be halfway-decent with the cello. Hardly Mr. Popularity material.

And yet she curiously refuses to leave my side for most of the day, and I'm not entirely too clear on the why. Maybe she feels it's her duty as my childhood friend or something? There's a healthy dose of haughtiness and vanity at offering to spend her 'precious' time with me, of course, but still.

I sometimes kinda wish she did, though.

Don't get me wrong. I don't hate Asuka (far from it), but she can be really... irritating, at times. Thankfully for both of us, I've mastered the art of tuning her out without looking it, even if that doesn't save me from the other half of my dues that come with the dubious honour of associating with the Great Asuka Langley-Sohryu.

It does make life considerably more bearable, though.

But that's neither here nor now. I have bigger worries than Asuka's usual arbitrariness at the moment.

Mainly, the Great Snowball Battle in the outskirts of town that my dear friend Toji has dragged me to. And that I'm 99% sure of the fact that I'm the only hope of winning my team has left.

I huddle low and against the tree behind me, freezing from the cold, so that I'm harder to spot for the vicious and ruthless predators that I bet, are following my trail.

...On second thought, I guess classifying Horaki-san as vicious and ruthless is kind of a stretch, but it definitely fits the other two to a tee. Especially a certain fanatic of the colour red.

And to think that I had been looking forward to this! I mean, the idea itself sounded neat when Makinami-san presented it to the group: making the most of how heavy the recent snows have been by organizing a snowball battle-royale in the surrounding woods via social media? I don't know who came up with the idea, but it sounded like a fun time!

I should have known better than to ignore the dangerous glint in Asuka's eye.

Indeed, my enthusiasm in this fateful day lasted for about as long as it took for me to remember that the snow, and everything associated with it, was cold, and that there was a huge difference in fun-factor between throwing snowballs and receiving them.

Apparently, I squeal 'cutely' when hit with frigid balls, you see; or at least that was the excuse that Asuka and Makinami-san used to keep pelting me with them, anyway. Toji and Kensuke joined in soon enough as well (some friends they are), and I spent the next fifteen minutes running around like a headless chicken within the confines of the battle area, with bystanders watching in amusement or chiming in with a snowball of their own. Because why the hell not?

By the end of it, my khaki coat had been turned a deep brown by the water. The colour contrasted heavily with the red of my face, both from my embarrassment and the exertion of running in the snow for so long.

Annoying, sure, but nothing all too unusual for me. You get used to stuff like that when you spend as much time around Asuka as I have, and it's not like I was crying for it to stop; it was fun in its own, twisted, way, and I got to smack Toji in the face with a snowball for my troubles and everything.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I would have been fine with the whole thing if it had ended there, really.

But then, Asuka got bored.

And dangerous things happen when Asuka Langley-Sohryu gets bored, this time definitely being no exception.

And so, everyone was rounded up and Asuka boisterously declared the next activity without any further loss of time: a small, private match of Capture the Flag. No surprise at all considering Asuka's competitive tendencies, to be honest.

The announcement that the teams would, of course, be boys versus girls, also came to absolutely nobody's shock; you'd think that someone that prided herself on being as good at anything as any man would work a little to bring down the barriers between the sexes in silly games like this, but 'Women are a mystery', and all that. And I'm not one to doubt Kaji-san's wisdom in the matter.

I'm sure that saying counts triple for Asuka, anyway.

Both teams formed up without any argument, with Asuka, Mari and Hikari in one side, and Toji, Kensuke and myself in the other. And I've got to say, both my fellow Stooges (as Asuka loves to call us) looked outright thrilled at Asuka's idea; Toji I could expect, because he is every bit as competitive as Asuka, but Kensuke's eyes in particular had lit up like torches at the sound of Capture the Flag, probably thinking of it as a kind of war-game in his military-obsessed mind.

The poor fools.

I knew better than to not expect a catch attached to any proposal my childhood friend had.

And sure enough, the other shoe dropped right when I expected it, wrapped in Asuka's dare for the day: the losing team would answer to the winner's whims and wishes for an entire day. Within reason, of course.

Three people did a double-take at the preposterous news. Asuka somehow looked even prouder. Makinami-san maintained the same Cheshire smile she always kept.

I blinked.

That... didn't sound like anything out of the ordinary for me, really.

I already catered to Asuka's whims and wishes on a daily basis, and doing the same for two more girls didn't sound like such a terrible thing, to be honest. Sure, Makinami-san would order something ridiculous just for the hell of it, but it would be all in good fun, and Horaki-san was as harmless as a girl could get. She would probably just ask for help with the chores or something, and I was more than willing to help her with that.

I was halfway tempted to throw the match right then and there, to be honest.

Toji and Kensuke didn't share my sentiments, though, and they made that clear as soon as they recovered their presence of mind. Horaki-san joined them soon enough.

Asuka, however, was ready to answer my fellow Stooges with a few well-placed taunts. The two parties argued back and forth for a few moments, but Toji and Kensuke ended up taking the bait soon enough. Hook, line and sinker.

Our little group (sans Makinami) has known each other for a few years now, but the ease with which Asuka knows how to push Toji and Kensuke's buttons will never cease to scare me.

I wonder if I'm as predictable as the two of them are?

No matter the answer to that, it's still clear that Asuka is the undeniable master of the art.

Poor Horaki-san sighed in resignation at the hopelessness of the situation and fell in line with her group as well. Either she has the patience of a saint or a hidden dark side that no one knows about.

In any case, my heart goes out to you for having to deal with these crazy females as much as I do, Horaki-san.

And so, our little group moved away from the rest of the congregation in order to make sure we'd have enough space and that we wouldn't be interrupted. Asuka led the way, of course, carrying us a fair distance away and designating the spots for the flags and the distance in between in her own unique way.

That is to say, by completely ignoring any dissenting voices.

What can I say? Typical Asuka.

What I definitely couldn't say, though, is that it wasn't efficient. Within twenty minutes, both teams had their wrist-watches synchronised and were in their respective bases, prepared to start the match at the time we had agreed on.

Asuka takes her games very seriously, indeed.

Nobody said a word in the male team, and looking at how solemn and quiet things were around me, we could easily have been mistaken for a group of drafted, green, youths nervously waiting for the opening shots of any of the great battles of World War Two.

My watch ticked to 12:15AM, and the inbuilt alarm beeped to life. It was time.

The latest of Asuka's great ideas had commenced.

Toji and Kensuke left me behind as the defender and advanced resolutely into the patch of forest separating the two bases, fire in their eyes. I rolled my eyes and shook my head as I watched them go.

Probably looking to recover their lost honour, or something? I don't know. But I'll at least commend them for their bravery.

Not that it mattered, anyway. I won't bore you with the details, but know that my teammates were soundly defeated in fifteen seconds flat.

Either that, or they were sacrificed to some kind of eldritch god. It could be either of those, considering the agonized screams coming from the general direction of their departure.

For all of the love-hate relationship between the two, Asuka and Makinami-san are plain scary when working together. I can only guess that Toji and Kensuke never stood a chance.

As for me, I ran away into the woods as fast as my legs would carry me the very moment trouble reared its ugly head.

Screw the flag. I was having none of that nonsense, thank you very much.

I kept my tactical retreat for quite a while, since Asuka forgot to mention any limits to the battlefield while giving her monologue about the rules. Kinda out-of-character for her, if you ask me.

Not that I was complaining. If Asuka and Makinami-san wanted to get me (and I was sure that they would ignore the flag and do just that), they would have to work for it.

Which brings me back to the here and now, shivering in my spot next to a tree-trunk as the memories surface, and I try to rub some heat into my arms and torso with a grimace. The air has gotten even colder in the last few minutes and its effects are starting to make themselves apparent. We must be at minus five or ten degrees Celsius, by now.

It's probably not a good idea to stay still for too long, then. I'm covered in warm clothes from head to toe, of course, but I still don't really feel like spending our coming winter vacation sick in my bed.

I've come a long way from my starting position, anyway, so this looks like as good a place as any to start my desperate attempts at fighting back against my pursuers. With any luck, they'll have separated to cover more ground, and I'll be able to get the jump on them one by one.

And hopefully, I'll manage to replicate that perfect pitch I pulled off two weeks ago in P.E. The one that left Toji speechless, either because it was that good, or because I was the one that threw it.

Yeah, I know. For a guy that claims to have no luck I'm relying way too much on Little Miss Fortune. But miracles happen, right?

I just have to hit that once-in-a-lifetime pitch (for me) three times in a row, and in perfect circumstances.

Piece of cake. Nothing to it.

Then I win, and I get to have a nice, relaxing day without any crazy women in my life. I'll just ask Horaki-san over for a joint cooking session/recipe exchange day, and Asuka and Makinami-san can go fetch the ingredients for us, or something. Whatever keeps those two away from me for the entirety of the day.

As I check over the side of the tree for any signs of movement, I cannot help but smile at such a nice thought.

Pity that it's as likely to happen as Misato-sensei arriving in time for class.

I sigh heavily as that other thought renews the dampening in my mood. At least the coast seems to be clear of scary, snowball-wielding females. That's a relief.

I create a snowball in my right hand and stand up fully in order to start moving. I'll circle around the side and carefully inch forward to the main battle arena, looking for my opportunity. Maybe I can even make it to the enemy base and snatch their flag, if the planets align just right.

My mind set, I turn around and start heading to the next piece of co-

"Puppy-kun!"

And then a cheery-sounding something suddenly comes into my field of view from above, close enough to almost touch my nose.

"GAHHH!"

Yeah, I just screamed. Not the manliest of screams, too. I dare anyone that's laughing right now to keep their cool when something unexpected happens to them while alone in the woods, though.

But then, reflexes kick in and I pull my face back, my right hand moving upwards to meet the offending thing, the fearsome snowball clutched in my palm.

And I slam the frigid orb into a girl's face. A girl I know very well, much to my dismay.

Mari Makinami groans in surprise at having a small pile of frozen water forcefully shoved down her mouth and nose, and falls to the ground head-first, to my horror.

The monkey-girl just ducks her head and rolls on her shoulders, though, as if she had done this same thing a million times before. She lies there for a moment, coughing and spitting out the snow in her system.

As for me, I'm left standing there in stupefied silence, as my mind comes to terms with the fact that, yes, Mari is all right, and, no, I haven't just committed accidental manslaughter.

I'd like to say that this is a new record as far as Makinami-san's antics go, but I'm actually not sure. Go figure.

Anyway, what the hell was Makinami-san doing hanging upside-down from a tree-branch covered in snow?! How much time has she been up there, and how the hell did I not notice her going up said tree?!

What the hell's wrong with her?!

I know this girl is as weird as they get, but this is bordering on ridiculous!

"Glasses, glasses,..."

At least she is fine and patting the ground looking for her glasses, even if her stunt almost gave me a heart attack. I see the maroon-coloured goggles lying on the snow slightly behind her and crouch down with a sigh in order to retrieve them.

The last thing I want right now is for her to accidentally step on those glasses and break them. In case it's not obvious, she's blind as a bat without them, and I really don't feel like acting as this crazy girl's guide dog right now.

"Here, Makinami-san. Your glasses."

I hand the maroon lenses to Mari (after shaking most of the snow out of the optics) and the girl follows the sound of my exasperated voice all the way to my waiting hand. She picks the glasses up and puts them in their rightful place.

And then offers me the sunniest of smiles, as if nothing was wrong with the world.

"Thank you, Puppy-kun! You're a lifesaver!"

She also tries to glomp me in her usual show of 'appreciation', but I back-step out of the way and she ends up falling face-first into the snow.

Sorry, Makinami-san. I'm really not in the mood for your usual antics right now.

She sits back up, coughing up some of the snow that has entered her mouth a second time. She then throws me a sad, pouting, look, not unlike the one that a small child would send their parents when they refuse to buy them sweets.

And yes, Makinami-san pulls off said look masterfully well, despite being a decade older than your average five-year-old. It also looks way hotter on her than it would on the aforementioned kid, by the way, and Mari knows it.

I refuse to give in, though, and I answer her with a frown of my own.

"Puppy-kun, why are you being so mean?" she eventually coos. "It's the Princess that does that, not you!"

For anyone wondering, 'Puppy-kun' refers to myself, and the 'Princess' is none other than Asuka.

The reason why Mari calls me 'Puppy-kun' should be painfully obvious to almost everyone by now, but don't ask me why she refers to Asuka as 'Princess'. I haven't got the foggiest of ideas on that front, so it's probably something between the two of them.

In any case, back to me glaring at monkey-girl:

"You just gave me the scare of my life, Makinami-san. What were you thinking, hanging from the tree like that? You could have hurt yourself!"

Makinami-san tilts her head and blinks at me curiously. "I just wanted to surprise you?"

Damn straight you did! My heart can attest to that!

"And couldn't you have come up from behind or something, like a normal person?"

"But I wanted a dramatic entrance, with an stylish finale!" And it's back to pouting now. "Ota-kun and Ball-kun didn't give me the chance for that..."

Kensuke and Toji, respectively.

Do not let appearances fool you, by the way. For all of her infantile and klutz-y act, Makinami-san is far from being an idiot. She just likes playing the fool, for whatever reason. I normally tolerate it most of the time, but Mari's childish act pisses Asuka off something fierce.

...Which might very well be the reason Makinami-san keeps at it, now that I think about it.

The girl in front of me suddenly stands back up and I take a step back in surprise. She points at me with her finger, as if accusing me of something, and the sheen of her glasses turns opaque, in the same way dad's do when he's serious about something.

"I wanted to catch you off-guard, force you to the ground and have you beg for mercy!" she very loudly declares. "But my plan backfired..."

I look dazedly at her for a moment at the sudden change in tone. Sudden, one-eighty degree changes in inflection are definitely something commonly attributed to Mari, but the reason behind this particular one momentarily eludes me.

And then it hits me.

I actually did hit Makinami-san with a snowball. Well, slammed into her face would probably be more accurate, but I suppose that still counts.

Which means that she is eliminated from the game, right?

Yay, me?

"Princess will be mad at me..."

Not as mad as she is with me most of the time, Makinami-san, I assure you.

Wake up earlier! Walk faster! Pay attention in class! Don't slack off at the school clubs! Don't listen to your stooge friends! Carry my stuff back home like a gentleman!

What is she, my mother? I'm hard pressed to tell most of the time with the way Asuka keeps nagging at me. I just wish that she was civil about it instead of yelling at me like she usually does, but that's par for the course as far as my luck goes, I guess.

Seriously, chances are that if such a thing as the Multiverse exists, I'm the unluckiest Shinji Ikari among all the Shinji Ikaris.

...And I'm not too sure of where that train of thought came from, to be honest. Probably a sign that I should stop watching those sci-fi flicks that mom likes so much.

"You know, Puppy-kun. I have this maid outfit that would fit the Princess like a glove..."

Makinami-san kicks me out of my thoughts with a strange and out of place line, and I narrow my eyes at her.

"What are you getting at?"

The gleam in her eyes doesn't harbour any good intentions, that's for sure.

And how does a maid outfit of all things fit into this?

"Well... I'm of the opinion that you are capable of great things, Shinji-kun, if pushed forward with the right motivation." Her honeyed words did very little to soothe me. "In the spirit of making things more interesting, I'd be willing to part with this prized costume of mine."

You know that Makinami-san is being serious about whatever she is doing when she discards her usual nicknames.

I have to admit that I didn't expect a maid outfit to be thrown into the conversation, though.

"You want me to put a maid costume on Asuka as my dare for winning? Who do you take me for?"

My indignation succeeds in blocking that specific mental image to a certain extent.

"I take you for someone who values his friends very much, of course." And with the way in which Makinami-san said that, it was clear that she meant it; I could actually feel my cheeks heat a little at the unexpected praise. "Rest assured, not even Horaki-san would have anything bad to say about this French maid outfit, there is nothing risqué about it in the slightest."

Makinami-san pushes forward into my personal space before I have time to think of a retort.

"But that is not the major problem here. Tell me. Do you enjoy being Asuka-chan's faithful little doggy? Catering to every single one of her whims whenever she wants? Having her hound you, controlling who you decide to interact with? All for the sake of keeping her happy? If the answer to all of the above is yes, I'm sorry to say that you are being a shitty friend to her."

...Wait, what? I'm being the shitty friend?! What kind of logic is that?!

But I don't get time to argue this time, either, as Makinami-san starts to circle around me as she speaks.

"That's not a healthy relationship the two of you share, I'm afraid, and I'm sure that the both of you realize that on some level. But you are also afraid of what changing the current status quo might entail, a completely valid fear, of course, considering your history." Mari stops her circling in front of me and pierces me with her eyes. "I'm offering you a way of better advancing things, and one day is all it would take. Asuka-chan is a smart girl, and she does care deeply about you, the problem is that she's just going about it in the wrong way. The only thing you have to do, is make her realize that fact." Makinami-san turns to lean against the tree she had fallen from a few minutes ago, and gives me a playful wink. "Give it some thought, will you? I'll give you a minute."

And just like that, Mari Makinami turns her eyes to the skies and starts humming a little tune to herself, leaving me to stare at her in slack-jawed amazement.

What. The. Hell.

When did Makinami-san become a psychologist?! And when did she analyze Asuka and me so deeply?!

I'm a faithful doggy that wants to keep Asuka happy no matter what? Asuka is going about things in the wrong way? We're both afraid of changing the status quo?

I have to dress Asuka in a maid outfit to fix everything?

I have no idea of how to answer any of those questions, or even if they are accurate to begin with, but it's clear no matter what that Makinami-san has put a lot of thought into this. She had no obligation at all to do that, so I guess that a good way to start sorting my thoughts would be to ask...

"...Why?"

Makinami-san turns her head and smiles toothily at me, in the goofy manner that I have come to know very well over the last year.

"Because I also value my friends very much, of course."

And then she goes back to her humming as if nothing had happened, leaving me slack-jawed for the second time in too short a period of time.

...I better get to thinking about what she said, before Makinami-san does something else that will blow my mind.

And so I do but, as before, I will not bore you with the complex and enlightening process of introspection. Just imagine me sitting on a plastic chair as I debate my current conundrum, or something.

Maybe add some clapping when I finally reach my answer.

Answer that I find ambivalent, to say the least.

I hate to admit it, but the offer was tempting. Turning the tables for a single day? Having Asuka realize first-hand just how tiresome and stressful being at someone's beck and call can be? I value Asuka a lot, but I'm coming to understand what Makinami-san means when she says that our current relationship is not healthy. Could a change in perspective on both of our parts improve that?

The more I think about it, the more I think the answer to that question is a resounding 'Yes'.

There would be hell to pay for some time to come after the deed is done, of course, but I think it may be worth it.

...

And I'd very much like to see Asuka in that maid outfit.

There, I said it. I'm a guy, okay?

Remember when I said that Makinami-san was no idiot, by the way? I hope that this short conversation will serve to prove my point.

So, let's review: I have decided to go along with Makinami-san's wacky idea of a dare, in the hopes that it will go as well as she claims it will. It may sound crazy (and trust me, I understand perfectly where you are coming from), but I trust that Mari's logic will end up prevailing in the end.

And I also want to stick it to Asuka for a day. Sue me, if you think that's too terrible.

That means that I have to take out Horaki-san first, who will most likely be protecting her team's flag. That could be trouble, since Horaki-san has a mean throwing arm, courtesy of some of her means of keeping order in our class.

She's probably bored out of her mind at this point, though, so I should be able to get the jump on her. We're back to miracle-working, otherwise.

And then, I must defeat Asuka in a one-on-one duel, and I'm going to need all of the world's boons for that one. My friend out-classes me in pretty much everything, from accuracy to quick-thinking, her only fault being that she likes to toy around before securing the win. Nevertheless, she would have no trouble at all in dispatching me most days.

But today is not most days.

Today I have a goal to reach for. And that goal requires for Asuka to be defeated, and if I manage to take advantage of her few weaknesses I might be able to achieve just that.

My right hand starts clenching and unclenching in a nervous reflex reaction I have never really been able to control. Today's reaction is more due to excitement than nervousness, however.

I may actually have a shot at this. That fact alone fills me with determination.

Preposterous, I know, but bear with me for a while.

I nod to Makinami-san and she smirks back. I then crouch to grab a fresh snowball and turn around without a single word, ready to march towards my next target: Horaki-san.

Some people might say that I'm being exceedingly rude by leaving without even a parting remark but, what am I supposed to say?

'Thank you for your insight, Makinami-san, I'm off to put a maid outfit on my childhood friend?'

That sounds plain stupid, better not to say anything than to sound like a fool.

"Best of luck, Puppy-kun! Put those fangs to bear!"

She doesn't mind, though. Mari has apparently filled her seriousness quotas for the year.

But I barely register her words. My mind is focused in a way I don't remember it ever being.

Five words repeat themselves over and over in my head:

I. Am going. To win.

-O-O-O-O-O-

My name is Asuka Langley-Sohryu, and I'm furious.

Many would say that me being angry is nothing especial, and admittedly, they'd be right. But, right now, I'm blazingly and thunderously enraged. Hell's fury's got nothing on my own.

Why, you ask? Because of one Shinji Ikari, of course.

More specifically, because he decided to run away from the fight like a little pansy.

Yeah, I made a mistake and didn't specify a battle-area, but that doesn't mean that he should exploit it for all it's worth and run off into the woods! We could be done with the match and moving on to the next step of the plan by now!

I'm already nervous enough as it is, I don't need for Baka-Shinji to make it worse by pulling this crap!

Seriously, the nerve of that guy!

That final thought is accompanied by a small crunching sound and a slightly wetter feeling through the fabric of the glove on my right hand. I look at it with a sigh, knowing perfectly fine what I'll find.

I have, in my fit of fury, unconsciously crushed the snowball I was holding in my hand.

Again.

That's the fourth one in ten minutes. Get a grip, Sohryu.

I shake my head and relax my body as much as I can, letting the ex-snowball escape through my fingers. Deep breaths in and out for a few seconds and, soon enough, I'm feeling calm enough to open my eyes without biting anyone's head off.

I crouch and snatch another bunch of snow out of the white ground, quickly compacting it into another icy-cold weapon. Hopefully this one will last longer than the others.

I doubt it, though. Dealing with Shinji Ikari is truly an exercise in frustration.

...

Yeah, I know. My dear friend isn't really the only one at fault, here. I also have my own share of the burden to bear in the form of anger management issues, due to family matters that don't really belong here.

Let's just say that I wish I could personally hang my bastard of a father for something he did a few years back, and leave it at that.

In any case, I've admittedly been somewhat problematic with my fits of irritation ever since, even if they've gotten progressively better as time went on. The treatment was effective, and I had both my mom and my friends to rely on during my hardships.

Especially Shinji.

Patient, caring, and understanding Shinji. Probably the one person aside from mother that I blew up at the most, and the one that would nevertheless refuse to leave my side, no matter what. I shudder to think what my recovery would have been like had he not been there, but I know for certain that Baka-Shinji earned himself a spot in my heart during those days.

I'm fairly certain that some people will already see a problem in my life-story, however. Namely, if you got over your issues and Shinji Ikari was such a pivotal piece in the process, how come you are such a bitch to said Shinji Ikari today?

The answer to that is simple: we grew up, and our mindsets and outlooks on life changed as much as our bodies did.

And my anger came back with a vengeance, albeit for very different reasons.

...

Just in case I have to spell it out for anyone out there, I kinda like the guy. As in like like.

The kind of like that has people sighing in longing desperation for the smile, touch and recognition of a specific other. That kind of like.

I'm capable enough of admitting it to myself (even if it took a while), but I wish that admitting it to the other involved party was nearly as simple.

And that's the problem I face: Shinji Ikari is a content, polite and tranquil young man without the slightest hint of ambition in him. He barely scrapes by in his studies and rarely does anything after school, with the exception of hanging out with Stooges 1 and 2 from time to time.

Shinji Ikari is laziness incarnate, and quick to justify his lack of action under a guise of incapability. He only shows some amount of enthusiasm when playing the cello in Music club and, even there, while doing something that he is undeniably good at, he finds excuses to not practice that little bit more and manage something great.

As someone that is his complete opposite in that regard, and that wishes to be the very best at anything I do, Baka-Shinji's lack of drive annoys me quite a bit.

But I'm determined to change that. It may take badgering, stalking, and losing my marbles, but I'll make something out of Shinji Ikari. Even if he ends up hating me for it, unlikely as it may be.

I owe it to him. And Asuka Langley-Sohryu doesn't leave a debt unpaid.

But, as you may also notice, the current relationship Shinji and I share doesn't lend itself well to romance, despite the nickname nearly the entire school has given us in lieu of our near constant arguments; it's logical, really. There's no way Shinji is going to think highly of the girl who keeps making his life a constant headache, after all.

I've overheard Aida compare me to the Tsundere stereotype before, but that is not at all accurate. Those characters have a soft, cute, or shy side that comes from time to time and juxtaposes their usual harshness, which makes them endearing.

Why do I know that? A character I like happens to fall into that category, that's all.

My problem is that I have none of the good parts of that character archetype, or rather, I don't know how to do them.

My 'dere' side won't come out, essentially. Which leaves an angry Germano-Japanese girl of fourteen furiously barking at her love interest most of the time, without the puppy-dog eyes or cute blushing to make up for it.

To be brief, I suck at romance. And I don't know how to get out of the current rut that I'm in.

To the point that I, the Proud and Great Asuka Langley-Sohryu, have enlisted help from the unlikeliest of sources.

...

Where the hell is Glasses, anyway?! She was supposed to meet me here fifteen minutes ago!

I'm starting to freeze my ass out here, damn it!

What could possibly be holding her? Makinami might be a royal pain in the ass most of the time, but she takes this kind of team games very seriously.

Well, serious for her, anyway.

But Glasses did pretty much promise me that she was going to try her hardest today. And she is not one to break her word.

Then what? Did Shinji eliminate her from the match or something?

I briefly consider that thought before dismissing it as utterly ridiculous.

There is no way that Baka-Shinji would even see Mari coming. She must have misunderstood our rendezvous point with that nonexistent attention span of hers, or something.

I should head back to our flag. Maybe Hikari has seen her.

I desperately need to get some heat back into my body, anyway. Catching some sickness after all the effort in setting this whole thing up simply won't do.

I make sure that the boys' team flag is still firmly secured to my plaid red and orange scarf (a present of Shinji's from a few weeks back) and start the short trek back to base, making sure to keep a watchful eye on my surroundings for the unlikely event of someone attacking me.

There's too much at stake for me to be taking silly risks.

Thankfully for my nerves, the way back is uneventful. Baka-Shinji must still be off hiding somewhere and the other two Stooges should have already vacated the premises, as per the rules we established. They should be cursing their luck and making excuses for their devastating loss somewhere back in the main event by now.

Poor Hikari must be bored out of her mind, though, sitting next to our flag for what has been close to an hour now. I expect that she'll be a bit cross with Glasses and me, but hers was sadly a necessary sacrifice.

She won't be mad for long, though. It's not like this whole thing doesn't benefit her as much as it should benefit me.

I swear that I will never understand what Hikari sees in that moron Suzuhara, but after today she should have a golden opportunity to get closer to the guy. Those two have been dancing around each other for as long as I have been dancing around Shinji, after all. But, unlike me, they don't really have an excuse for not moving forward.

On the other hand, I don't really know what Makinami plans on doing with Aida. She's never shown any interest in him that I know of, and he's definitely the shortest stick to draw as far as... well, almost everything goes.

Considering how weird Glasses is, though, Aida is probably in for either the best or the worst day of his life.

Not that I care.

Anyway, let's just hope that Hikari doesn't let this chance go to waste.

Speaking of, a curious sight greets me when I finally set foot in the small clearing where the girls' base is located:

Neither Hikari nor our flag are anywhere to be seen.

I stand there in confusion for a moment as my brain runs through the situation, quickly reaching the most logical conclusion.

And I quickly duck into cover behind a tree, just as a snowball speedily crashes into its trunk.

...That was close. Way too close; that thing was aimed straight for my head!

Speaking of my head, I quickly pat the top of it in order to ensure that my hair-clips are still in place. I'd hate it if something happened to those, or if I ended up losing them with all this movement.

They are still in their rightful place. Perfect.

Now that that small crisis is averted, it's time to deduce who's the one person that attacked me:

Stooges 1 and 2 are out for the count, and there's no way that Mari would just up and decide to turn against me (if she knows what's good for her, at least), so that only leaves...

I peek around the side of the tree and scan the area of the woods where I think my aggressor is most likely to be hiding and, soon enough, I catch sight of a khaki heavy coat sticking out of the foliage.

Shinji.

Even if his two idiot teammates had not been eliminated by now, I'd recognize that coat anywhere. I was the one who convinced him to buy it, after all.

But enough of that. Chances are he came from the side of the forest that Glasses was supposed to be sweeping, so the Baka must have managed to elude her somehow. And he almost got me with that lucky throw, too.

That would have been bad, in the unlikely case that Shinji managed to eliminate both Mari and Hikari.

But that wasn't the case. And now it's time to end this.

"Hey, Third!" I call out. "What's with the ambush? Afraid to face me head-on or what?"

I can almost hear the sigh from his side of the clearing.

"Can you please stop calling me that, Asuka?"

"Why?" I smirk. "You know I don't mean anything bad by it, Shinji."

And I really don't. You could say it's a sort of pet name, I guess, one that I reserve for when it's only the two of us.

As to why 'Third' of all things?

Well, remember that character I mentioned earlier? The one I really liked? She's a redhead in Japan, just like me. A beacon of red in a sea of brown and black that gets her as much admiration as it does trouble, especially the latter. No matter what, though, she always pushes through with unbridled determination.

I've always admired that, and I never made any secret of it. Some might even say that I ended up channelling a little bit of this character into my personality as I grew up, to the point of wearing the same kind of hair-clips she does in the show.

Yet another birthday gift of Shinji's from a few years back, by the way, that probably cost him a pretty penny.

...

Yeah, I'm a fangirl. So what?

In any case, her love interest is a young boy that always reminded me of Shinji, and she takes to calling said boy Third due to plot reasons.

That's pretty much it.

I will say that my initial intentions for giving Shinji that nickname were meant to be a sort of hidden confession so that maybe he would take the first step, but the veiled intentions behind the moniker probably went over his head.

I guess that I was asking a bit too much out of him on that one.

But let's go back to what's important right now. Namely, winning this thing and moving on to the next step of the plan.

Shouldn't be too hard. Let's see how long Baka-Shinji can survive, shall we?

I step out of cover and throw my snowball towards Shinji's position, missing his exposed right elbow by a few centimetres and causing him to recoil in surprise. I don't stop there, however, as I quickly grab some more snow and compact the frozen water into a ball in one fluid motion.

I start running towards new cover, moving among the trees, seeking to advance in a half-circle and flank Shinji's position for a nice, clean, shot that will seal the game in my favour. It's important that I keep him pinned in place as much as possible, though, or else he'll just change positions and adapt to my vector of attack.

With that in mind, I stop behind the next tree and pull my hand back for another throw.

And instinctively sidestep another snowball aimed straight for my face.

Thank God for my innately good reflexes, but that's not the important thing here.

Did Shinji just make two perfect throws?! In a row?!

The same Shinji that cannot play any ball games without fumbling the ball at least five times per match? The same Shinji that couldn't hit the broad side of a barn to save his life? From inside?!

That Shinji?!

My body unconsciously moves out of the way and back into cover, as another snowball whistles through the area where my slack-jawed face would have been.

Yet another perfect throw.

Okay, two I can chalk up to luck or coincidence, but three is pushing it. Something's seriously wrong here.

I risk another peek at Shinji's last known position, and find him standing next to the same tree where I last saw him, out of cover. Thin, scrawny, little Shinji. Even his bulky heavy coat doesn't manage to widen his shoulders a whole lot.

A familiar sight, really.

But there's something different and out of place when compared to his everyday countenance. Something small and almost invisible in the way he quickly prepares another shot, that many people would surely miss. Hell, it took me this long to notice it, and I know Shinji like the palm of my hand.

His eyes.

There's a glint in Shinji's eyes that I've only seen a handful of times before, and I swallow in reflex when I recognize it.

This is bad, really bad.

Shinji's pissed, and bad things happen when Shinji gets angry.

To put it bluntly: shit just got real.

I duck back into cover as another snowball skims the side of my tree. Some of the snow makes its way to my eyes and I'm forced to rub it away, watering my pretty blue orbs in the process.

I can feel my heart thumping loudly inside my chest as the sudden change in my situation sinks in.

And I punch the tree with the back of my hand in frustration.

Goddamn it! This is not supposed to happen! I'm supposed to be the one making Shinji cower in fear of my superiority, not the other way around!

And freaking Glasses is nowhere to be seen!

Damn it! Damn it, damn it, dammit, DAMMIT!

Why is everything going wrong?!

What did I do to deserve this much bad karma, anyway?! Spend a previous lifetime slaughtering kittens or something?!

Why does Fate hate me this much?!

For a moment, I feel like crying at the injustice of it all, but I ball my hands and grit my teeth, and hold it in through sheer pigheadedness.

Deep breaths. In and out.

...

Fine. Fine.

Calm down, Asuka. You got this.

I haven't lost yet, and I'm not about to give in to Fate of all things.

So what if Shinji's angry and has suddenly become a crack-shot? You've been one for most of your life, Asuka, and you have other advantages that Baka-Shinji cannot possibly emulate! He's just giving you a greater challenge than initially expected, that's all!

In a way, it's kinda fitting to have one last test of your resolve, isn't it? And everyone knows what Asuka Langley-Sohryu does to any challenge that throws itself in front of her:

She absolutely demolishes it, with utmost prejudice.

So. If Shinji and the powers that be want to do this the hard way, I'm more than happy to oblige. Two can play this game.

No more Miss Nice Girl. I cannot lose.

I won't lose.

I can hear Shinji's steps steadily moving to my right, copying my previous tactic. He's obviously trying his best to keep it silent, but not managing well enough.

An idea blossoms in my head, one that Shinji shouldn't see coming.

I grab a handful of snow and compact it into a ball, carefully and quietly rising back to my full height, my back against the tree. I close my eyes and listen intently, gritting my teeth tightly so as to keep them from chattering from the intense cold.

One step. Two steps; I gauge the rough distance between Shinji's and my position: about twenty metres.

Three steps. Four steps; the sound is coming from a direction in a 150º degree angle off my nose, more or less.

Five steps. Six steps; Shinji is moving slowly, about half a metre per second.

Seven steps. Eight steps; I open my eyes and ready myself.

Nine steps. Ten steps; at this point, Shinji should be...

THERE!

I step out of cover and throw a blind snap-shot at the position in my head, and my efforts are rewarded with a startled yelp. I don't stop there, though, and quickly move up, fast and low, to snatch another pair of smaller snowballs in both of my hands.

I don't yet know if I hit Shinji, by the way. I could have won already, for all I know, but I'm not taking any chances.

I stop momentarily to assess the situation and properly aim my two next shots, when I'm greeted with a sight I cannot help but smile at.

I missed my first shot, apparently, but Shinji's caught in a small clearing with no trees nearby, and wearing an expression akin to that of a deer caught in the headlights.

Perfect.

I pull both of my arms back and prepare the throw that will finish this once and for all.

"Take this, Third!" I shout, maybe a tad too gleefully. "DUAL STRIKE!"

My freezing payload leaves my hands and I see both snowballs soaring through the air side by side towards their target, almost in slow motion.

This is it. I can already see that my aim is true, and that Shinji is currently too off-balance to effectively dodge. He can always throw himself to the ground in a desperate effort to avoid my attack, but then he'll be easy pickings for a third shot.

My small smile widens into a huge grin.

I win.

Shinji's eyes widen, as he throws his right arm behind him and his left covers his face, no doubt bracing himself for the chilly sensation that's to come. The watery projectiles draw ever closer, and with them, my impending victory as well.

And then Shinji swings both his arms forward and the snowballs explode in mid-air just as they were about to hit him, covering his khaki coat in white.

...

Wait, what?

What just happened?

Shinji looks every bit as surprised as I do, at least, looking at his right hand as if it had grown a sixth finger.

But then I notice something.

There's something else in Shinji's right hand, something that wasn't there when I attacked him:

He's clutching my flag, and the surface of its wooden shaft is coated in white snow.

...You've got to be shitting me.

I wouldn't brag about my intellect as much as I do if I couldn't put two and two together quicker than most in this kind of situations. It's still kinda unbelievable, though.

Tell me I'm dreaming and that that idiot didn't just do what I think he did. Tell me he didn't just slice through my attack like some kind of silly videogame cyborg-ninja.

...

He totally did, didn't he?

Goddamn it, Shinji! Why do you have to take a level in badass now of all freaking times?!

What is this, some kind of shitty anime?! Are we making a jump in genres from romantic comedy to shonen or what?!

Because if that's what you want, that's what you'll get!

Screw doing this the normal way! I'm going to make damn sure that you don't dodge the next one, Third!

And with that final resolution, I quickly snatch some more snow off the ground and charge forward. We'll decide this the old-fashioned way: mano a mano.

Let's see Shinji bullshit his way out of that situation.

The idiot doesn't even see me coming (and really, who can blame him?) and, soon enough, I'm inside of his defensive circle and looking to smash the snowball in my right hand straight into his face.

But of course, having transitioned into badass-Shinji, he blocks it and grabs my arm at the last second.

Of course.

"What the-?! Asuka?!"

And he has the gall to look surprised!

I'm not sure what he is surprised at, though. Is it the fact that I covered the distance between us in three seconds flat, or that I look like a rabid demon straight out of Hell?

Or both?

"Dammit, Third!" I roar. "Stop it with your stupid resistance!"

I catch his right arm with my left and we completely lock-up in a battle of wills. Our faces are centimetres apart, as if we were two deer about to crash antlers.

And you could say that we were, in a way.

"Don't call me that!"

Shinji's protest is somewhat weak under the strain, but carries a hint of determination that I don't miss.

"Shut up, Third! Just die already like a good little Stooge!"

I can see his eyes narrow slightly in annoyance, and I feel a small tug at my heartstrings.

I know that I really shouldn't do it, but at this point I'm not above using every single dirty trick in the book, riling him up included.

It also helps soothe my nerves a bit, considering that everything that could go wrong by now, has already gone wrong.

I mean, this has stopped being a relatively light-hearted snowball fight and turned into some kind of snowball brawl. You really can't go much worse than that.

...How did it come to this?

Shinji strengthens his push and I respond in kind. I can't overpower him, though. We stay like that for a few moments, pushing and pulling on one another, trying to gain the upper hand.

Neither of us manages to get away with it, but I'm starting to feel my muscles burn. I hope that Shinji is starting to feel the same way.

Wait, did I hear him mutter something about a maid?

What is this pervert talking about?

...Shit. He's starting to overpower me. Focus, Asuka.

I realize that boys generally end up being physically stronger than girls, but you wouldn't be able to tell that Shinji has already reached that stage just by looking at him. He's sort of the antithesis of a boy, after all.

In any case, not good. Not good at all.

Think, Asuka. Think.

There must still be a way out of this one.

And indeed, such a way hits me soon enough. Let's just hope that it works out okay this time.

I suddenly stop pushing against Shinji and throw my body over to his right side. Just as I expected, my sudden lack of resistance catches him by surprise and he loses his balance, attempting to instinctively step forward in order to fix his centre of gravity.

But my leg is ready to greet his in a sweeping motion that I accompany with the rest of my body in what soon becomes a textbook Judo throw. Hiza-Guruma, I think this one's called.

Use your opponent's strength against him. The execution could have been better, sure, but I'd say it's not bad for a first-timer like me.

My dearest idiot could definitely use some Judo classes though, for he drags me down with him as he falls to the ground.

Damn it Shinji! You are supposed to let go!

I avoid stepping on him as I fall, but I lose grip on my snowball in the process. And that's not the only thing that happens.

Oh no, far from it.

We both roll to a stop on the snowy ground but, somehow, and against all logic, Shinji comes out on top, literally and figuratively.

Literally, as in our noses are almost touching, and we are not exactly in a position that Hikari would approve of.

...

Well, shit. I didn't plan for this. And Shinji clearly didn't, either.

It's quite obvious with the way he's literally frozen in his the spot, as if expecting something to happen to him.

What that 'something' is should (sadly) be pretty evident by now.

Indeed, my instincts might have flared up without my consent had he ended up touching anything off-limits (accident or not) but, as it stands, I manage to retain enough presence of mind not to do anything rash. I'm treading on thin ice here, and I'm not at all sure of what I should do now.

I can see Shinji's eyes progressively lose their hardened sheen and return to the usual dark azure I know and love. He's also blushing quite heavily, even if I can tell that I shouldn't be one to talk at the moment.

It's still pretty adorable, though. And I idly hope I look just as adorable.

For I'm sure that image would contrast quite heavily with what I'm feeling right now.

I don't know what's going on through Shinji's head at the moment, but I pray it's on the 'interested' side of the spectrum.

My own is currently a swirl of conflicting activity, though, a million thoughts running headlong to be processed in the space of a few seconds.

Caress!

Slap!

Confess!

Deny!

Shove your tongue down his throat!

Kick him in the nuts!

And those are the ones I can actually identify, there are a myriad others I simply can't. And thank God for that, I'm already swamped with the choices I've been given as it is.

Feeling Shinji's hot breath on my face really doesn't help my focus, either.

And so, time passes. Seconds, minutes, I'm not sure.

Awkwardly staring into each other's eyes while our bodies stay as frozen as the water around us.

I'm sure plenty of girls have fantasized of being with their significant others in the position I'm currently in with Shinji. And to be entirely honest, I'm also guilty of that myself; hell, the part of my brain that is cheering for joy at the moment should be proof enough of that.

Except that the snow is cold and I'm laying on my back on top of it. As lovely as the current scene surely is, I'm positively freezing.

Damn it, Shinji! Take it or leave it, but do something!

And then I hear a loud gulp. And my eyes widen in surprise as I see Shinji's face inch slightly closer.

Crap! He's taking it!

I feel my arms and legs tense up involuntarily, and the fingers of my hands curl into tight fists. My heart is beating so loudly that I seriously wonder how Shinji can't hear it, and the amount of thoughts passing through my head somehow multiply by a factor of thousand.

What do I do?! WhatdoIdo?! WhatdoIdo?!

The millions of voices from before become trillions of Asukas yelling at me in a cornucopia of inner sound, each one demanding a different thing. It was already bad enough earlier, but it's almost torturous now!

I can't even make sense of anything anymore! My brain feels like it's going to explode!

So I do the only thing I feel I can do at the time: I close my eyes, and allow instinct to decide for me.

...

A very bad mistake.

And one I should really have seen coming.

By the time I notice the way my arm is moving, it's too late for the part of my brain that is calm and collected to do anything about it. It was in crushing minority, after all.

And I slam a snowball/slap directly on Shinji's left cheek.

Hard.

The white ball disintegrates and some of the ice-water sticks to his face, making him look like a clown that forgot to do half of his make-up. It would have been downright hilarious in any other situation.

But I'm not laughing.

The snow probably cushioned a lot of the hit, but I can tell that it still hurt. I wouldn't be surprised if that part of Shinji's face ended up swelling; I've got the feeling that most of the pain I've just caused wasn't physical, though. I only have to take a look at Shinji's confused and hurt look to gauge that.

Considering that my actions were pretty much reflex, I'm just as confused, myself. I don't know what to say or do, and I lay there, with my mouth half-open and my right hand almost cupping Shinji's cheek.

Silence envelopes us, and I cannot hear a single sound coming from the entire forest, either, not even a single bird's chirping. It's as if the entire world has suddenly died off, or something.

That is, until I, in all my genius, decide to open my mouth.

"...I win."

It's barely a whisper, so much that I doubt Shinji would have heard me had he been standing beside me, but it's also probably the most stupid thing I could have spoken, considering the circumstances.

I really amaze myself, sometimes.

For his part, Shinji doesn't say anything. He just looks at me for a few seconds with the weirdest expression I've ever seen on him. It falls somewhere in between confusion, betrayal and anger, all while managing to not be any of them.

Eventually, he closes his eyes with a sigh and gingerly stands up without a sound, shaking the remaining snow from his face. He then turns around and walks slowly into the forest, probably to meet up with the others.

He didn't offer to help me up, or even looked at me for that matter, but those are far from being the details I care most about now.

Shinji was wearing the expression of someone who had just given up.

How do I know, you ask?

Simple.

I saw that same expression on Dad's face all those years ago. Just before he left.

And, just like back then, this is the moment I can feel my heart crumble.

A part of me wants to jump to my feet and catch up to him. Claim that I was just messing around, like I have done way too many times before in the past, or come up with a bullshit excuse to try and pick up where we were, or something as equally ridiculous.

But I don't, and instead remain laying there. On the snow that suddenly doesn't feel nearly as cold as it used to.

Because I know that if I stand up, I'm just going to end up making everything worse.

Because of course I will.

I'm the Great Asuka Langley-Sohryu, after all.

...

Goddamn my lack of restraint. Goddamn my anger issues. Goddamn my stupid pride.

Goddamn it all to hell.

...

Maybe it is for the best, though. Maybe I should give up on this, too.

Like Shinji did. Like Dad did.

Shinji doesn't deserve a neurotic abuser for a girlfriend, anyway, he's much too good for that.

For me.

I should just let the silly idea of romance go and patch up our friendship as well as I can, instead. I don't think I'd be able to take it if my flagrant stupidity ended up costing me that as well.

...

That won't happen, though. It will take a while, and I can't allow myself any more mistakes, but I'm sure that Shinji will eventually come aroun-

...And then I lose my train of thought as a certain idiot grabs the front of my coat and roughly pulls me back to my feet.

"What the hell, Princess?!"

Glasses looks more surprised than angry, eyes wide as saucers as she looks at me in bafflement.

I cannot match her gaze, though, and my eyes fall off to the side.

"Tch. You were watching?"

Man, I sound bitter. My voice also sounds a little more broken than I would like.

"Of course I was watching! I've tailed Puppy-kun all the way out here!" she exclaims. "What happened? You almost had it!"

"I panicked and screwed up, like I always freaking do! That's what happened!" I shout, breaking free of Glasses' lax grip. I then continue in a lower tone of voice. "But that's fine. Forget it. Forget the stupid plan. I'm done."

Mari stands there for a moment, no doubt digesting what I've just said, as I make to turn and walk away, fully intending to leave the conversation/argument at that.

But Makinami has different plans.

She grabs hold of my scarf and pulls me back to her. She then renews her hold of my coat and pins me against a nearby tree, somewhat roughly.

"Oh no, you aren't," she hisses, her face as close to mine as Shinji's has been, moments ago. "I didn't go through all the effort of setting this whole thing up just so you could bail on me at the last minute, Princess!"

Let it be said, in my defence for what is about to happen, that I've dealt with quite a few emotional ups and downs in the last few minutes alone. I'm sure that such a mix would have wreaked havoc upon a healthy person's mood but, due to my personal circumstances, its effect on me is increased tenfold.

I've been close to exploding for a while now. Makinami's rough handling is just the final straw that breaks the camel's back.

And I can't help it. I blow up.

"Who cares about the stupid event?!" I roar. "We failed! I failed! And it's probably a good thing that I did!" My vehemence catches Mari off-guard and she backs off slightly. I can also feel the beginnings of tears building in the corners of my eyes again, but I manage to keep them under control. "What's the point, anyway? The ratio of teenage love-affairs that make it to marriage is ridiculously low, after all."

Nice, Asuka. Take shelter in statistics and data, that will make the pill easier to swallow.

Mari rallies quickly, though, her own voice raising a few octaves.

"Shut up, and stop making bullshit excuses! Love doesn't have to be a together forever thing for it to be worth it."

My ears perk up at those words and, in my anger, I smell blood in the water. Before I can do anything about it, I'm glaring at Glasses and moving in for the kill.

"You speak from experience?" I growl. "I know for a fact that you like to keep many of the boys in our school happy..."

Mari's eyes widen up once more, albeit for very different reasons than before; I feel another big pang of guilt at the sight.

...Damn Sohryu, that was low. I regret those words just as soon as they come out of my mouth, but they shouldn't have come out to being with.

Mari grits her teeth and tightens her grip on my coat. For a moment, I think that she seriously considers punching me in the face and, honestly, there is no way I could blame her if she did.

I know that I would have punched myself if I was in her shoes.

Instead, Glasses forces her expression to relax and return to a more neutral countenance. She doesn't weaken her grip on my coat in the slightest, though.

"I know you didn't mean that, so I'll just ignore it."

The angry and ready-to-lash-out part of my brain briefly considers proving her wrong, but I successfully manage to reel it in.

I've already offended a friend today. I don't need to antagonize a second one.

Not any more than I already have, anyway.

My eyes fall off to the side for a second time.

"But let's go back to the matter at hand," Mari continues. "I'm not entirely sure of what just happened here, but it's clear that you screwed up. You've got to own up to it if you want to stay in the race, girl."

"What for? I already told you, there is no point to it. There wasn't any point to it from the very beginning."

She just fixes me with a stare. Those are being pretty damn hard to hold up to, by the way.

"Newsflash, darling, but this isn't just about Shinji," Mari continues gravely. "It doesn't matter how beautiful or smart you are, no one in their right mind is going to consider staying by your side if you can't get over your issues first."

...

So I only need to find someone who isn't right in the head, then, that way we'll be two of a kind. So easy, I don't know how I didn't think of it sooner.

I remain quiet, focused in my thoughts, and Glasses sighs in exasperation at my lack of an answer.

"It's really not that hard, Princess. Just be yourself, and stop over-complicating things like you always do. No one is asking you to do anything more than that."

Yeah, right. Because that has worked out so nicely in the past.

"Are you stupid?! Being myself is what got me in this mess to begin with!"

Mari narrows her eyes at me in response.

"We've been over this before. You know perfectly well what I mean, Asuka."

...

And she's right. I really do.

Mari's talking about the me that managed to triumph over her anger, before my feelings for a certain idiot made themselves apparent and threw everything out of whack.

The me that would laugh instead of yelling, smell the roses instead of glaring at them, and greet the day with a smile rather than a frown.

I get that.

I know what she means by myself, but it's not that Goddamn simple! That me is buried below layers upon layers of insecurities, fears and frustration, so far down that sometimes I wonder if that Asuka ever existed at all!

If going back to how I used to be was as easy as flicking a damn switch, I would have done it months ago!

...

Shit. And now I can feel the tears welling up again at the reminder. There is no way I'm holding them up this time.

I break eye contact and ball my hands just as a sniffle escapes me.

I'm officially crying. And I hate crying in public.

...This sucks.

At least it serves as a perfect excuse to have Glasses back off a bit. There's a silver lining if I ever saw one.

She takes a step back and leaves me some breathing space as the worst of my wailing passes.

It doesn't take long. I might not be immune to this kind of breakdowns, nor would I wish to be, but I'm not a girl that will spend hours upon hours crying over spilled milk.

I'm a girl that's fond of action, for all the good that does to me sometimes.

Mari has been looking everywhere and nowhere for the time it took me to calm down, deep in thought, and when she notices that I'm done, she leans over once again.

She's acting more calmly this time, so maybe my little episode ended up being somewhat beneficial, after all.

I still won't look her in the eye, though.

"Look at me." She demands. Commanding, yet softly. "Look at me."

I comply. Blue eyes tinged red meet the bespectacled ones of Mari's.

And what she asks next leaves me completely floored:

"Who are you?"

I look at her as if she had grown a second head.

"The hell are you-?"

Mari doesn't let me finish, though. She sighs audibly and hits me over the top of my head, yanking on my hair roughly as I yelp in equal measures surprise and pain.

That hurt.

"Hey! W-What's the big idea?!"

But Mari doesn't answer my indignant demand.

Instead, she gives me the most intense stare she has ever given me, while holding something very familiar in her palm, right in front of my eyes.

My hairclips. The two crimson little pieces of plastic that have defined me ever since I first put them on.

I had completely forgotten about them.

"Who are you?" Mari repeats.

The answer comes to me even before I have time to think about it.

"I'm Asuka Langley-Sohryu."

I blink in surprise at my automatic response, and Mari smiles widely in return.

"That's right. You are Asuka Langley-Sohryu, a talented young woman that only knows the meaning of the word 'forward'. You also happen to have Puppy-kun as wrapped around your finger as he has you, and the only thing that you have to do is find the right words to say, and the bravery to actually use them. And I know that you can do that."

I actually blush a little at the praise, even if a side of me still thinks it undeserved.

"But-"

"No buts!" she interrupts me. "You don't fail. You never fail, remember? You just-"

"I just have varying degrees of success."

I cannot help but smile a little myself at the line. I used that one a long time ago, back when Makinami more or less formally joined our little troupe. Sure, it was lame and somewhat egotistic, but it was also...

...Well, me.

It brings back memories of a time not that far away too, when stuff wasn't so complicated.

...But then again, the sweetest rewards are those that you have to actually work for, right?

Mari raises her index finger and catches my attention once again.

"One more time, that's all I'm asking out of you," she whispers. "Do your best to channel the Asuka that greeted me into her court with open arms when few else would, and try one more time. It might work, or it might not, I cannot give you any guarantees on that, but what I can guarantee, is that Shinji will not hate you for trying."

He... won't?

...What am I saying? Of course he won't, he's much too nice for that. Almost to a fault, in fact.

I mean, sure, it could get pretty awkward between the two of us for a while if things don't work out, but it's not like Shinji will decide to just up and forget he ever knew me.

I don't know how I could ever even entertain that notion, I feel stupid just for considering it.

Must be teenage angst creeping up on me, or something.

"Can you do that, Princess? For the me that believes in you?"

...

Okay, Glasses, that line was as cheesy as it gets.

...But I suppose it's as good a reason as any to give it another go.

I dry my eyes with my sleeve and nod weakly.

Mari's smile widens. She also pats me on the head as if I was some kind of dog; much to my annoyance. I tolerate the denigrating treatment for a few seconds more, though, until Glasses is satisfied and she backs off a few steps.

She's kind of earned that one.

"Good. I'll go get Puppy-kun and run some damage control while we head to the main event. In the meantime, take a moment and think about what you want to say and how you want to say it."

Easier said than done. I've got such a good track record as far as minding my words goes, after all.

I wish I could be as optimistic as she is.

...

No. Stop that. Don't bring yourself down before you have even begun. Nothing is impossible; success lies in your mindset.

You are Asuka Langley-Sohryu. Remember that; you don't fail. You only have degrees of success.

And this one's going to be a perfect ten.

...I can actually feel the beginnings of a smile at the thought.

And then, Mari invades my thoughts in her distinct, loud way.

"Hey! Catch!"

I focus on the voice and barely manage to catch my prized hairclips, as they are tossed at me without a care for their well-being.

Hey! Don't treat the possessions of others like that!

I'm about to give Glasses a piece of my mind, but she proves to be faster on the draw than me.

"The clock is about to strike midnight, Princess. Time for you to hook yourself a Prince Charming."

And with a final smile and a wink, Mari turns and runs away into the woods to clean up my mess, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again.

I sigh as I lean my back against the tree. Most of the time, I would have hated to be left in this situation, as there is little good that would have come out of it.

But, this time, I don't mind. For I have a goal to strive for, now.

'Hook myself a Prince Charming', huh? An image of Shinji with a crown on his head and dressed in expensive furs and silks comes to mind, and I can't help but smile at the thought.

Yeah, Shinji really doesn't work as a prince, or as any other kind of ruling figure for that matter.

One of these days, and no matter what happens, I might let him know what Mari said, though. I'm sure his face will be worthy of a photo.

And so, I begin planning.

Deep breaths, in and out.

Forget Hikari's romantic manga, forget everything that you think you know about romance.

Fiction is fiction, and it belongs there. All of today has been an overblown mess of an act that should have never have come to pass, really. A pity that I didn't realize that until now.

Simple and direct. Face your demons head-on, Asuka.

Like you always did, like you always should.

Deep breaths, in and out.

...

I slip my hairclips back into their rightful place, as I come up with what I believe is a proper plan of attack.

I can do this.

I will do this.

-O-O-O-O-O-

Idiot.

You are a stupid idiot, just like Asuka says. What the hell were you thinking, putting her in that position?

What were you expecting in the first place? We went through this before, Baka-Shinji, the girl-next-door scenario doesn't apply to Asuka, she's made that more than clear enough for it to get through your thick skull.

Your own hopes non-withstanding.

...

Is that why it hurt so much to be rejected like that? Was I still hoping for something to happen between the two of us, for Asuka's usual attitude to be some kind of mask shielding her true feelings?

...No way. That's way too convoluted, I'm definitely reading too much into it. There's always been nothing but a deep friendship between us two, and you just had to go and make everything awkward by stepping into forbidden territory.

Way to go, Shinji.

...

But then, why the signals? Why not just ask me to get off her when we ended up like that, instead of staring at me with those eyes, silently pushing me for more?

She was freaking asking for it, damn it! What am I supposed to think?!

I suppose the bottom line of it all is that I don't get Asuka. And I don't think I ever will.

Are all women this complicated? I hope not, otherwise I might as well start playing for the other team.

In any case, I'm slowly trudging along, thinking about the finer points of romance and how none of it applies to one Asuka Langley-Sohryu...

When a pair of (very smooth) hands suddenly cover my eyes.

"Puppy-kun!"

"GAHHH!"

...And I did it again. Damn my high-pitched voice.

I push the offending hands away from my eyes and quickly turn around, to find Mari Makinami giggling at me in amusement.

I'm not amused, though, and my furiously beating heart is testament to that.

"I told you not to do that!"

Makinami-san, for her part, has her usual, unrepentant Cheshire smile almost splitting her face in half.

"But I did it from behind this time, like a normal person!"

...

This girl. Seriously.

"Sorry, Makinami-san. I'm not in the mood for games right now."

I turn around and keep walking forward, at a bit of a faster pace this time.

Maybe she'll get the hint that I wish to be left alone for the time being.

"Why are you so sad, Puppy-kun? Did the Princess win?"

But of course she doesn't. Or she acts like she doesn't, at least.

A bit of privacy is too much for me to ask for, apparently.

"Yes. Yes, she did, Makinami-san."

"That's too bad, I could tell that you were really into your reward." Makinami-san makes a show out of putting a finger to her lips in thought. Soon after, she speaks up again, putting a bit of an allure to her voice. "Hey, tell you what: I'll model the maid outfit for you, Puppy-kun! I know that I'm not the Princess and all, but I also know that I can fill it up a little bit better than her, if you know what I mean~"

I send the most deadpan stare I can muster in Makinami-san's direction, even if I can't say I'm surprised to hear her propose that at all. I seem to recall someone saying that she was into cosplay, hence the reason why she possesses one of those typical maid outfits and lacks the shyness to actually wear it in the first place.

I'm surprised that not even a mental image comes up at Mari's words, though. I know that she is joking and all, in her own special way of trying to cheer me up, but still.

I'm a healthy teenage boy. A girl as pretty as Makinami-san proposing to model in a sexy-but-totally-not-risqué maid outfit should have some kind of effect on me. Especially when I know that she would go the extra mile just to mess with me.

But no, there's no answer from my mind at all. Looks like Asuka managed to singlehandedly destroy my manhood, or something.

I sigh in exasperation. At me, at Asuka, and at the usual antics of this crazy girl.

"This has nothing to do with your maid outfit, Makinami-san."

She tilts her head to the side cutely in response.

"It doesn't? Oh dear, that's the easy solution out of the window, then."

...What the hell is she talking about?

"So..." she continues, "Are you like this because Asuka-chan didn't let you kiss her?"

I stop dead in my tracks, and stare at Makinami-san in shock. She walks a few steps forward and turns around to stare back, not a hint of a smile on her face.

It's Serious Mari time, it looks like. She wasn't done with her quota for the year, apparently.

"You were watching? ...Of course you were watching."

I feel anger boil up within me. Not the kind of determined passion I felt when facing Asuka, or the frustrated displeasure when she spurned my advance.

No, this is something different. This is a hot and explosive kind of fury, something born of a sudden realization, of watching several blocks fall into place.

Most important of all, the fact that it was Makinami-san that presented the whole idea of the 'Great Snowball Battle' in the first place (and probably organized it, considering her popularity in social media), and that both her and Asuka were obviously working together towards some objective.

"So what?! The game, you throwing the match and sending me Asuka's way, Asuka allowing herself to be put into that kind of position and sending me all kinds of weird signals, only to screw me over when I finally grow the balls to go for it?! What the hell?! Was this just a huge set-up to mess with me?!"

...

Wow, I'm ranting quite a bit. That's not something you hear me do every day, although I think my current situation sort of begs for it.

Mari just bears it all stoically, though, waiting until I'm done venting to answer.

"Calm down, Shinji-kun. I mean, I can't say that this wasn't a set-up, or that I didn't try to mess with you in the process, for that matter, but believe me when I say that making you feel bad wasn't the goal of it all."

"Then what was it?!"

Makinami-san just shakes her head in the negative with a sigh.

"...I can't in good conscience tell you about that. Sorry, Shinji-kun."

Right. No way it would be that easy.

"I suppose you can't tell me why, either?"

Another shake of her head.

"No. It's a personal and very complicated matter."

"Of Asuka's?"

Mari's actually half-smiles at this.

"Who else's? You know better than anyone how the Princess is."

Yes. Yes I do.

"Tiresome, obnoxious and unreasonable beyond measure? Yeah, I know all about it."

Yeah, I'm probably not being fair, but I'll be damned if Asuka doesn't give me way too many reasons to lean on the side of negativity.

"Come now, don't be like that, Puppy-kun. You know Asuka-chan has her positives, too. You are the one that wanted to kiss her, after all."

And I really didn't need to be reminded of that. It was bad enough already when I thought it had been only Asuka and me, but knowing that Makinami-san has seen the whole thing makes it all the more humiliating.

"For all the good it did me."

Mari actually mutters something in response, too low for me to hear properly. I only catch the word 'realize', and I'm not too sure about that, either.

"Huh?"

"Nothing!" Bullshit, I know you said something! "In any case, back to your declaration of unending love."

I feel my mood sour up at Mari's insistence.

Yes, even more.

"Can we not?"

"Nope! Don't worry, Shinji-kun, you'll like this."

For some reason, Makinami-san seems more upbeat than usual right now, and I have to say that, beyond my melancholy, there's a bit of curiousness as to why.

"What makes you so sure?"

Mari just throws a sunny smile my way.

"The fact that I've been talking to the Princess, of course. Well, talking some sense into her is probably a more accurate thing to say. It took me a while though, you know how pigheaded she can be."

Wait. She's been talking some sense into Asuka?

About what?

"Speaking of," Makinami-san pauses and looks at a point somewhere behind me, before she smirks in amusement. "Princess, that's your cue to come out! I know you are there!"

Wait, what?

I turn around as quickly as my legs will allow it, and catch Asuka coming out from behind one of the trees. Even if most of it has fallen off, she still has some snow sticking to her clothes. The signs of our previous scuffle, no doubt.

Asuka walks towards me stiffly, almost mechanically, until she is standing a pace or two in front of me.

And then she stays there, silently looking towards the snow between my feet.

What is Asuka doing here? I thought that she wouldn't want to see me for the rest of the day, at least. Is she here to clear the air between us?

Yes, that must be it. It's way sooner than I expected, but I suppose it's better to get these things out of the way as soon as possible.

...Beats the hell out of me what to say, though.

Time passes. One second follows another, and another, and another, of awkward silence, until...

"Can't you leave?"

The question/demand is directed at Makinami-san, who has made herself comfortable against another one of the plethora of trees in this particular part of the forest.

"And miss the fruits of my labour? Not in a million years, Princess."

Asuka just turns her head to look at the other girl and glares, so hard that I expect Mari to burst into flames at any moment.

But she doesn't, thankfully. Makinami-san does get the unspoken message soon enough, though, and starts walking down the path with a roll of her eyes.

"Oh, fine, if you insist. But I want details later, you hear?"

Asuka quickly scoops up a snowball that she throws at the back of the retreating girl.

But Mari just effortlessly sidesteps the projectile, and turns around to mouth something towards Asuka.

I wish I knew how to read lips in order to tell you exactly what it is that Mari has just said, but know that it mostly serves to infuriate my childhood friend even further.

"Just go already, annoying Glasses!"

Makinami-san complies, quickly disappearing between the trees and leaving me alone with the angry typhoon that is Asuka Langley-Sohryu, and she's more than living up to the worst of maelstroms at the moment.

She's breathing heavily in a manner I quickly recognize, however, and I instinctively put a hand to her shoulder.

Asuka stiffens for a bit, and her eyes quickly dart towards mine.

"Deep breaths, Asuka. In and out."

I don't know why, but Asuka looks a bit surprised at my words. I mean, what is there to be surprised about? She's done this kind of relaxation activities in front of me plenty of times before.

In any case, the exercise has the desired effect, and in a few seconds she's breathing at a more sedate pace again.

She's clearly still on edge, though, which means that I should probably start this conversation before she does, if I know what's good for me.

"Uhm, Asuka? You know, about earlier...?"

"...Thursday."

"Huh?"

Asuka said something, didn't she? Or is it me? First Mari and now Asuka, am I starting to hear things or what?

My friend takes it upon herself to clear my doubts shortly after, however.

Loudly.

"This Thursday!" she exclaims, raising her eyes to look at me and poking me in the chest with her index finger. "I'm going to go shopping! I need someone to carry my bags! That someone is you!"

...

So... Asuka just wants me to help with her shopping? I suppose that's my dare for losing?

But if so, why send Makinami-san away? What's the big deal about this? I mean, I'm happy that Asuka is not letting my previous screw-up get in the way of our friendship, but I just don't get why she's acting like this.

And why is she blushing?

My confusion must be written on my face, because I can see Asuka's become steadily more and more frustrated.

"Goddamn it, Shinji! Don't make me spell it out for you!"

...The hell is she talking about?

"How can you be so slow on the uptake?!" she continues. "No wonder we never got anywhere..."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!"

Wait.

'Get anywhere'?

"What do you think?!" her annoyed expression gives me pause, and I listen intently. "Come on, Third, work with me here! What day is next Thursday?"

What a weird question to ask. Am I missing something here?

Well, yes. Obviously I am, but I don't have the foggiest idea as to what it is.

"Next Thursday is... Thursday?"

Wrong. Or at least that's what Asuka palming her face in frustration tells me.

"Day of the month, you dummy!"

Okay, that was a silly mistake to make, I'll give Asuka that.

"Oh, right. Uhm... next Thursday is the twenty-f-"

Every single thought process stops at the same time, as a combination of a month and a number is given to me in response to my query:

December the twenty-fourth.

Christmas Eve.

I stand there for a moment, flapping my mouth like a fish as the realization sinks in.

I know that she is half-foreign, but there is no way Asuka doesn't know the significance of such a day in Japan, right?

...

No. If the way her blush has spread towards every little bit of her face is any indication, she knows what she's talking about.

"Looks like you finally got it. About time!"

Apparently, Asuka Langley-Sohryu just asked me, Shinji Ikari, out on a date. Yes, she did it in her own special way, as always, but that's the only meaning I'm getting out of her message.

And considering that, in retrospect, it makes what Makinami-san said before make sense, I'd say I'm not entirely wrong on that assumption.

"There, I said it! So d-don't forget, okay?"

I just nod dumbly, still speechless. Asuka doesn't seem to mind my lack of a proper response, though, turning around to follow Mari's footsteps almost as mechanically as she came.

"I'll go ahead. Not a word to anyone, you hear? Especially to those two!"

I don't answer but, once again, Asuka doesn't seem to mind. I remain there, frozen in place, my mind working on overdrive as my friend 'steadily' walks away from me.

Shortly after, and in the distance not too far away, I vaguely hear Makinami-san say something about a 'Seven out of Ten' and Asuka angrily take off after her. Their footfalls lose themselves among the trees of the forest until I can hear them no more.

And so, I'm left alone in the cold and snowy woods once more, contemplating the events of the day and its many ups and downs, culminating with Asuka's words mere moments ago.

There are a lot of things going through my mind, and a lot of different feelings coursing through my heart. Among all of those, however, two stand dominant:

I'm scared shitless, and that's putting it lightly.

But I'm determined, nonetheless. I'm determined to get it right, as much as I was determined to get Asuka into that maid outfit before.

Because if Asuka is willing to give me of all people a chance, it's the least I can do.

...

You know, all things considered, maybe Fate doesn't hate my guts as much as I thought it did, and maybe I'm not the unluckiest Shinji Ikari in the Multiverse.

Whether that's a good thing or not, though, still remains to be seen.

A/N: And that's the end of this particular one-shot, one born of a silly idea that just wouldn't leave me alone. It was useful, though, both to practice writing in the first person and to learn about the process of uploading stuff into .

In any case, I hope you liked this piece of writing, dear reader. I don't think it came out half-bad, honestly (although there is always room for improvement), and I had a lot of fun writing it, all things considered.

Although I'm sure a lot of you will be a bit cross with me due to the lack of a kiss at the end there, don't let it stop you from leaving a short review! Every little bit helps a talentless hack like me improve, and feedback is very much appreciated!