Tell Me

Gone were the days that we cuddled in bed on a cold winter morning. We were perfect, you and I. Why must that end? Our friends tried so hard to keep us together even though they knew that our love was forbidden. When my family and yours finally permitted such love, why did you have to leave then?

Our engagement was announced to the world, that our families and their companies would declare a merger. What once were rival companies now one. After that, I had thought that we would have more time with each other. Instead you were cooped up in work and had little time for me, but you had never forgotten to call every now and then.

Months after was our wedding. It was perfect. Just like a picture out of a book. Everyone had labelled it the wedding of the year. You had wanted my dress to be your favourite color but our peers said that it should not be, but the flower bouquet I carry would be which is hued by that color. You stood by the altar dressed in a white suit. You were wearing a mask of nonchalance but your eyes showed the love and affection you held for me.

Where had those gentle looks gone? Where had the mirth that the eyes shone gone? Why have you done this to me? For three years, we've lived a happy marriage. But for a month you suddenly started going cold. I did not mind so, I thought it was just because you were tired and stressed from work. Every time I tried to welcome you back home with soothing words, you brush me away.

Before you would always visit me in my studio and look at the paintings I have created. Right now, do you know what I had recently made? Have you felt the emotions bottled up inside them? Have you felt the texture of the paint and the strokes I made? Can you feel their roughness or their uneven marks? Are you aware that those are the result of me crying while making them? I accidentally soak my canvas with my tears and try to patch them up as if nothing happened, just like what I usually do when I am hurting because of you.

Actually I went to the doctor to have a check up on why I have been recently having dizziness and pain in the chest. I got my results the day after the next and you know what? I actually have an illness. And the doctor was kind enough to tell me that it can be cured by surgery. I did not want to be a burden so I did not say anything about it to anyone and I asked the doctor not to tell anyone especially her brother since he was a known doctor. If she would know, I think she might kill you for your negligence.

While I was walking home, I stopped by our favourite cafe and had a donut and a cold latte. In the midst of my meal I glanced outside and saw you with another woman. She was pretty, with a body of a model. She had beautiful strawberry blonde hair. You were still in your suit and she was not dressed in any formal attire, so I guess she was no business investor. You were eating happily, chatting and laughing. What I was most surprised of was that you wore a smile that shone brighter than the stars. Your face filled with indifference when you are with me is filled with joy around her. I could not take it anymore seeing you with that woman, i had seen you many times before but it hurts me even so. I paid my bill and left for home. Before I could enter our house – or rather – mansion Hotaru's lavender Porsche came into view. She was visiting. I parked my car and entered the house. Our maid welcomed me and said Hotaru was in my art room. I panicked, Hotaru can't see that.

I rushed upstairs to my art room and there she was in the middle of it all. When she heard my footsteps she turned and her expression devastated me. She was crying. I knew it. She would immediately know. She rushed to me and hugged me. She asked questions and I answered her honestly, I can't lie to Hotaru after all. After I told her, she was furious. She was ready to kill you but I stopped her. She threw a fit about how much of a jerk you are and how you have dared to hurt me with her still living.

While I was stopping her, my chest jolted in pain. I crouched to the ground and Hotaru caught me before I could land on the ground. It was good timing that Ruka came to visit. He witnessed it and he brought me to the hospital along with Hotaru. I fell unconscious in the process and they talked with the doctor. He told them about my condition. Both of them wanted me to take the surgery but I did not want to. I would continue hurting if I continued living. I opposed to the operation and I made them promise not to tell you.

Starting at that point they became more overprotective and the pain I carried increased. For two years more, I endured the pain. One day you suddenly had a business trip to Europe but if I had known better, you would just have another of your dates. So I said nothing, you would be gone for a month or two. In fact, I had a few attacks before when you were still here but you didn't care. You just told me to rest and I did. But once the door to my room closes I would crouch in pain and muffle the sobs and silent screams I made.

I asked Hotaru to come over, I think she knows about your affair. But she may be keeping silent so as not to hasten my illness. After all, I am not supposed to feel and extreme surge of emotion or I might get an attack. I told the servants to open the door for Hotaru and that I would be in my room, though I knew that Hotaru would arrive even before I reach my room. I started through the staircase, as I reached the top, her engine was heard from the outside and she came barging in. I smiled weakly at her from the top. She insulted me about being pale and she smiled at me too. I couldn't hold the pain anymore, I fainted and I still remember the feeling of falling down the staircase.

I woke up in the hospital two days after, I was relieved that they did not tell you yet but I received bad and at the same time good news. I had this month left to live and funny how my deadline is the day that you would possibly arrive back from that business affair. My family and yours were made aware of our hidden relationship and they had pleaded for me to fight my illness and live. You father even wanted to disown you for what you have done and my father wanted to murder you. I told them not to. If I would have a month left to live, I would want to write letter of my feelings to you and paint what is left of my emotions. They allowed me to and that is what I have been doing for the past month up to now.

You would be arriving tomorrow. You sure took your time. I wish you could tell me the replies to these questions I have for you in my letters and arts, that you could tell me why you did such an act. Right now, here I am struggling to write these last few words while lying on my death bed. My chest has been hurting nonstop and I can feel my deadline coming. I slowly put down my pen and try to sleep for the last time. I wish you could tell me everything. Tell me the answers of my 'why's'. Before I closed my eyes, I saw you, walking in with our whole family and close friends at your back, while looking worried. I can't believe it, you are showing care for me in my last breath. You held my hand and whispered to me to not close my eyes. To not let go, I reached out my other hand to touch you face and I smiled weakly at you.

You shed a tear when I finally drew my last breath while saying these words.

"You're free, my love."