"Love You Goodbye"
Part Two
BECA POV
Holy shit. Today was the day. Today I would walk down the aisle and say the words 'I Do'; words that I never thought would have come from my mouth. It wasn't that I had anything against marriage, I just didn't need a piece of paper telling me who I loved or who I wanted to spend my life with. True, my parent's nasty divorce probably effected my opinion about it, but I knew what I wanted out of life. And marriage...Was no longer it.
At least marriage to Jesse was no longer it.
The Bella's were surrounding me in my designated room in the church. Each Bella was assigned some kind of job by Chloe to help me get ready to walk down the aisle in the most efficient way possible. Chloe had made sure that each Bella knew exactly what to do and how to properly do it, assuring that every little detail be done to perfection.
Each one of them was dressed in a full length, shoulder-less, flowy gray dress with a crisscross pattern across the chest and a semi-sweetheart neckline. Jesse and I had decided on our wedding colors to be dark red and gray and had matched everything in the wedding accordingly.
Right now, Stacie was giving me one last make-up touch up as Chloe was bringing my jewelry over to the vanity where I sat. The wedding ceremony was minutes away as I could feel in impending guilt start to wash over me.
"Hang on Beca, I'm gonna get you a different shade of lipstick." Stacie turned and walked over to the bags where the extra necessities were in case of an "emergency". I turned to look at myself in the mirror, fully taking in everything that was about to happen. I was marrying Jesse. I would be walking down the aisle in about 30 minutes. I was marrying Jesse.
"I can't do this." I whispered the admission to myself for the first time. The dress, the heels, the make-up, the wedding…it was all wrong. This wasn't me, Chloe was right. Of course she was. This was going to be the biggest mistake of my life if I didn't stop it. The thing was, I didn't know how. It felt like a snowball going down a mountain, gathering speed and growing in size and I couldn't stop it. How could I bring myself to call off the wedding minutes before it was supposed to start? I knew it would kill Jesse inside, hurting him to the point where we probably would never speak again.
"Here Becs." I jumped and turned around as Chloe pulled me back down to reality. She looked absolutely stunning in her bridesmaid dress. It hugged her perfectly before flowing off at the legs. She had her hair the way I liked it best: in loose curls. Loose curls and she had some strands tied back to frame her face. I couldn't help but admire how beautiful she was. Chloe Beale was my Aphrodite. Goddess of beauty and love.
She fumbled with the clasp of the diamond necklace in her hands. "Turn around."
I turned to once again face "myself" in the mirror on the vanity. I watched as Chloe stood closely behind me and lifted her arms up to bring the necklace around my neck. I lifted my hair up and out of the way to try and make it easier for her. Once I heard the soft 'click' of the lock, I let my hair back down to fall over my shoulders. Chloe's hands came up to help fix it back into place, her hands brushing over my exposed shoulders. I noticed that she kept her gaze on her task, her eyes never daring to meet mine in the mirror.
"Chloe." Silence, just the pitter patter of the other Bellas in the room, oblivious to Chloe and I. "Chloe please."
Slowly, she lifted her head to catch my eyes. She looked torn, her eyes without their normal sparkle. I turned away from the mirror, looking at her face to face as she stood still.
"You look stunning Chloe." I whispered to her. The fire in her eyes was burned out, or rather blown out by my own breath. It was then that I realized that I had destroyed her. I had been so selfish, not taking her feelings into account. Chloe Beale was a lover, she loved everyone. How could I have not thought that our little friends with benefits stunt would work smoothly? I'm such a fucking idiot.
"You do too Beca. You look beautiful." She was honest, her eyes never lying. She forced a smile and it killed me inside. The way it didn't reach her eyes, how her normal shine was dulled down.
"I can't do this." I confessed to her. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head in defiance.
"Yes you can Beca." She answered, her tone a sick shade of monotone. "You have to."
"But I don't want to, I want-"
"Got it! Alright just a little more here and-" Stacie interrupted us as she took the small make-up brush and applied a soft shade of brown to it. She brought it to my eyes as I sighed out in defeat and shut my eyes waiting for the process to be done with once and for all.
"It's starting!" Jessica exclaimed as she ran back into the room. Everyone rushed around making sure that everything was good to go.
"Perfect." Stacie said as she carefully looked over my make-up. She shut the case and set it on the vanity before grabbing her flowers and heading towards the door with the other girls. What was surprising me the most was the fact "the Dictator" Aubrey Posen wasn't running the show. Instead she was sitting at the table in the room glaring daggers at me that could send me six feet under. I had gone out of my way to avoid being with a four foot area of her, fearing that she would kill me if I got to close. She had to know about Chloe and I. Chloe probably told her, they told each other everything.
"Alright girls, let's all get lined up with the guys!" Chloe was back in 'Maid of Honor mode' as she instructed the Bellas. I could feel the lump growing in my throat as the seconds ticked away. Holy fuck, this was actually happening. I was going to be Mrs. Jesse Swanson in matter of minutes. Aubrey strutted right in front of me to take her place in line but not without one final look.
"You better be sure of what you're about to do Mitchell." I stood up straighter as her words kept running over again and again in my mind.
Chloe walked behind me to pick up my train, as I followed Fat Amy out of the double set of doors and into the hallway of the church that led into the nave. I spotted my dad talking to Benji as he pulled the rainbow scarf out of his mouth as my dad cackled at the joke. My dad patted him on the back when he looked up and saw me. He walked away from Benji and headed towards me towards me. The Trebles cleaned up well, I had to admit. They were dressed in gray suits with their bow-ties and pocket squares a deep shade of red.
"Beca." My dad greeted me as he smiled brightly at me. I cringed as he brought me in for a tight hug that felt like he was suffocating me. "I can't believe you're getting married kiddo." He pulled away from me, but kept his hands on my upper arms. The wrinkles by his eyes were present as he was smiling proudly at me. His little girl was finally tying the knot.
"Yeah…" I forced a smile on my face trying to please him, I'd grown accustom to knowing how to do it by now. "Me either."
"You look absolutely gorgeous Beca, Jesse will be floored when he sees you." He smiled brightly at me as he held his arm out for me to take. I looped my arm through his and gripped the sleeve of his suit tightly between my fingers. Abort mission Beca! This is your last chance!
"Relax, this is supposed to be the best day of your life." His words hit me harder than I was expecting. If this was supposed to be the best day off my life, then why did it seem so wrong? Last night had been an eye-opener for me. It had been the final straw for me to see what all I had missed, all the feelings and signs from Chloe that I had missed throughout all the years that we've known each other. She loved me. She was in love with me.
"I've always loved you Beca. Always. Nothing has or will ever change that."
I squeezed my eyes shut as my mind flashed back to last night. The way it felt to feel her bare skin against mine, the cries of my name that fell from her lips, the way she looked at me as we made love. The look on her face as I broke her heart for the millionth time. How her eyes had cried countless tears, all because of my selfishness.
"This is it." Dad told me as the Bellas and Trebles began to make their way down the aisle together arm in arm. Two by two the bridesmaids and groomsmen walked down the aisle, everyone turning their heads to admire them. Last to go was the Maid of Honor and Best Man. I watched as Benji extended his arm out for Chloe to take. She smiled politely at him as she stood by his side. I bit my lip as the doors opened and various members of my family and Jesse's were sitting in the pews. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach.
"I can't do this Dad." I whispered as I watched Chloe and Benji reach the altar; it was now my turn. My eyes burned into Chloe's back as I ran the options over in my head. Run. Run. RUN!
It was as if Chloe could hear my thoughts and sensed my state of panic, she turned in her place to face towards the door I was supposed to enter through.
"Yes you can Beca." I internally screamed for Chloe to help me, to do something. Chloe had always been the one to step up in hard times. Chloe was the logical one, she could look at a problem from all angles and figure out the best course of action. Chloe was the one who took control of everything with the Bellas, scheduling performances, teaching the choreography, she managed pretty much everything about the Bellas except the arrangements. Chloe had had my back more times than I can count, stood behind me countless times and defended me like no one else. When no one else had been there for me, when everyone else had walked out of my life and shattered my world more, Chloe stayed. Chloe was slowly stitching my broken pieces back together. Chloe was my glue.
"This is going to be the best moment in your life. Take a deep breath, and soon enough you'll be standing up there with your love." My dad motioned towards the alter.
He was right. I'd be standing up there with the one I love soon enough.
The Bellas and Trebles were all lined up on either side of the center of the stage. I could see Jesse nervously swaying back and forth, the preacher to his right. The clichéd 'here comes the Bride' music began to fill the room as guests and family stood up in preparation for me.
"Here we go." My dad placed his hand on my arm as I gripped his sleeve tightly between my fingers, wrinkling the material as I did so.
I could feel everyone's eyes on me as my dad led me down the center aisle and towards the altar where Jesse and the priest stood watching me with smiles. I felt everyone pass by in a blur, the faces all blending together, my chest rising and falling quickly with my breathing. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut for a moment and let myself be fully led by my dad.
Once we reached the altar, my dad stopped us and it was then that I looked up and met Jesse's tear filled eyes. He looked so happy, so proud. I gave my dad a peck on the cheek as Jesse walked down the two steps as my father gave me over to the man that was going to be my future husband.
"You look amazing Bec." He told me sweetly. He carefully led me up the two steps against as we stood in front of the priest at the altar. Jesse rubbed the inside of my hands, which I'm sure were clammy, as he kept smiling at me. Why'd he have to look at me like this?
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in matrimony." The officiant began with everyone taking their seats. He looked between Jesse and I and then back to his notes tucked into the pages of his Bible.
He said a few more words as I blocked out everything. I couldn't think straight anymore. Pun intended I guess. I couldn't pull my thoughts away from Chloe. Chloe Marie Beale. I could feel a smile pull at the corner of my lips at her name. How could I have been so blind all of this time? So selfish? I am a complete asshole for dragging her along through this, it was wrong on so many levels. Chloe had been the brave one of course, her confession last night had shown that. Chloe loved me. Me. She could have had anyone she wanted with how beautiful and amazing and smart and loving and everything else that Chloe Beale was.
Chloe Beale could have picked anyone she wanted and she picked me.
"Now for the vows to be exchanged. Jesse, do you take this woman to be your wife, to live together in matrimony, to love her, to honor her, to comfort her, and to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?" I snapped out of my day dream as I looked up to the man in question as he smiled brightly at me.
"I do." His voice was strong, as he looked between my eyes. The priest then turned to me with a smile on his face.
"Rebecca, do you-"
"Wait!" I exclaimed quickly and a bit clumsily. I stood frozen from my outburst, everyone's eyes on me as I interrupted the ceremony. I could feel a knot forming in my throat from the pressure that I had just placed on myself. This was it. Speak now or forever hold your peace.
"Stop." I spoke softly, the defeat evident in my tone. I looked up at Jesse as the guilt was starting to make itself present in the way my stomach was feeling. He looked at me confused, then he looked around the room at the whispers that were beginning to float around.
"What-What're you doing?" He asked, his gaze eyeing me nervously, silently questioning me.
"I can't Jesse." I whispered out. I took a deep breath and a new wave of confidence surged through me. This is what I had to do. What I need to do. For me. For Chloe.
Chloe.
"You can't? What do you mean you can't?" Jesse stammered out. "Quit joking around Beca."
"I'm sorry Jesse, but I can't do this." I told him truthfully. "I can't marry you." All of the guests as well as the Trebles all gasped at my confession. The whispers grew louder and the look of disbelief was plastered to everyone's face. I could see the embarrassment evident in Jesse's cheeks.
"Why? What's changed? I can be better, just- just give me a chance Beca."
"It's not you Jesse, it's-"
"Don't even finish that sentence." He held up his hand as he cut me off. "I've watched enough movies to have that cliché known by heart. Tell me why Beca. I at least deserve to know." He demanded. His eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes were locked on mine, waiting for some kind of an explanation.
"Beca what're you doing? What is the meaning of all of this?" My dad rose from his seat at the front pew as he came up to the altar. His expression was bewildered, unable to process the scene in front of him. I sighed as I knew that a fight was ready to happen. It was going to be inevitable with our track record.
"You told me-" I breathed out nervously. "That I would be standing up here with the love of my life." He looked confused as his eyes darted between me and Jesse.
"So then what's the problem?" He asked with his hands on his waist.
"You were right about me being up here with who I love…but you're wrong on who that person is." Both of their eyes grew wide at the confession.
"Whomp, there it is!" Fat Amy exclaimed from her place with the Bellas. I turned over my shoulder to send a glare, warning her to keep quiet. It worked, her lips coming up in a mock lock as she threw away the key. It was then that I caught sight of Chloe standing shyly in front of Amy. She had her lip caught between her teeth as she kept her gaze at the floor. Even in the current situation, I couldn't help but let a smile grace my lips. Even as timid and scared as Chloe was in the moment; she was perfect.
"Chloe." It was both an answer to my dad and Jesse's question, but it was meant to grab her attention. She quickly looked up from the floor as her name left my lips.
"What?" My dad was in disbelief as he looked between me and my Maid of Honor. His eyes wide, his jaw slacked and his forehead had stress lines appearing.
"I'm in love with Chloe." Horrified looks covered everyone's faces in the room but I was only focused on the beautiful redhead in front of me. Chloe's eyes filled with tears as the blue in her eyes glistened more in the light and added a soft sparkle.
"Really?" The insecurity behind the tiny question struck me hard. Chloe Beale, who walked as naked as the day she was born into my shower and Miss "I'm pretty confident about all this" was now standing in front of me self-conscious and self-esteem low. I couldn't believe that I had done this to her, I had made her feel this low.
"Beca..." Chloe shook her head as I watched her eyes look sadly into mine. She looked between Jesse and myself, then to my father who stood behind me, to everyone in the pews who were wide eyed at the turn of events that had transpired today. Finally, she locked eyes with me again as she shook her head.
" You don't know-"
"Stop." I softly objected, breathing out a sigh. "Stop trying to make me do something that I know I'll regret. Stop fighting me, I'm so tired of fighting myself on this and having everyone else push me into something that I've never wanted in the first place." I reached forward to hold her hands. I gently rubbed my thumb over her knuckles as I could feel her trembling softly.
"The feeling hit me the moment we made eye contact at the activities fair back when I was a freshman. The way that your blues eyes drew me in and I found myself in a daze as I came to the Bellas table. It was so immediate and powerful—far deeper and inexplicably beyond any moment that I'd ever felt in my life. You don't describe a feeling like that. You also can't replicate it or force it. You just let it flow in and around you. You go where it takes you and most importantly, you don't fight it. And I'm done trying to fight it because no matter what I do or where I go, I'm being pulled back to you like the gravity pulling me to the Earth. It's you Chloe. It's you. I'll be the one if you want me to."
I reached up and cupped her cheek as I brought her forehead to rest against mine. I wiped away the tears that were gently falling from her eyes with my thumbs as her hands held on to my wrists.
"I'm in love with you Chloe. I've been a selfish asshole lately and I can't tell you how sorry I am for that. But if you give me a chance, I promise I'll do anything and everything I can to make you happy and show you how much I love you." I could feel myself starting to get emotional as my voice was beginning to become unsteady. Chloe looked up at me as her baby blue eyes looked deep into mine, searching them.
"I love you so much Beca Mitchell." Chloe choked out as she laughed nervously and smiled at me shyly, I could feel the wide smile spread across my cheeks, matching Chloe's, as I quickly brought our lips together, pressing her body into mine. This was what I wanted. What I needed. This was our brand new start, fresh and finally together.
I kissed Chloe once more as I could hear the commotion that was going on around us. Guests and family members were confused, gossiping amongst themselves, pointing in shock with their jaws dropped. I didn't fucking care. All that mattered was having my gorgeous red-head in my arms.
"BLOE IS ALIVE BITCHES!" Fat Amy yelled out as Chloe and I broke apart laughing at the antics of the Bellas. Fat Amy had thrown her bouquet of flowers into the pews as the guests ducked to avoid being hit by the flowers.
"It's BECHLOE Amy!" Stacie argued as she held up her hand, palm up, as if to say 'duh!'.
I couldn't help but smile as I looked between each of the Bellas. Fat Amy and Stacie were arguing about our 'ship name', Jessica and Ashley were smiling at us as they held their thumbs up in support, Flo was eye-balling one of Jesse's groomsmen, and Emily was jumping up and down excitedly like a kid at an amusement park.
"You guys are just SO aca-adorbs and I love my aca-parents so much!" Emily cried as she pulled both Chloe and myself into her arms for a hug. I could feel the air being forcefully squeezed out of my lungs and Chloe's elbow digging into my ribs.
"Legacy, you know I love ya, but you're currently crushing me!" I exclaimed as Emily quickly let go of us.
"I am so sorry!" Fat Amy watched the exchange as she pulled Legacy to the side. I felt Chloe's hand slide into mine as her arm brushed against my bare skin. I turned towards her as she was smiling brightly at me.
"This is really happening?" She questioned as I smiled at her. I nodded slowly as I licked my lips.
"This is happening. This is us." I pulled her into my arms again, her arms snaking around my neck as I rested mine on her hips. I kissed the side of her head as she nuzzled closer to me.
"Let's get out of here okay?" I suggested to her. I was sick of everyone's judgmental gazes and whispered name-calling. All I wanted right now was to be with Chloe. I knew that my black VW Golf was parked behind the church, right outside of my Bridal room. That was the escape route that we needed.
I felt pressure on my bicep as I was abruptly pulled away from Chloe and was spun around to face my dad. He let go of my arm as he placed his hands on his hips. He looked at me with his head tilted down and his jaw slackened.
"Beca…" He began as he shook his head at me.
"Don't." I stopped him from even beginning his rant that I knew would be coming. He had abandoned me and let me down for the majority of my life. Granted, he had come through for me the past years that I had been at Barden and had tried to make up for how shitty he was when I was younger, but I wasn't about to have him talk negatively about Chloe. I would not let him talk to her that way.
"Wait. Let me finish…" He held up his hand as he pleaded with me. "I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you." It felt as though someone had slapped me, his admission was not what I was expecting at all.
"I'm so proud that you stood up for who you are. And what you want. Yes, I wish it would've been before we spent all this money on a wedding," his attempt at humor actually worked as I chuckled softly at him and smiled shyly.
"But I am proud none the less and I want you to be with who makes you happy. I love you." He smiled at both Chloe and I as I could feel tears threatening to make their presence known. I stepped forward as he welcomed me into his arms. His big burly arms held me tightly as I reminisced in the feeling I hadn't experienced since I was younger.
"Thank you Dad. I love you too." I spoke into his suit as he squeezed me in response.
"I want you to take this," He let go of me as he dug into the pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out an envelope. "It was going to be your wedding present from me." He handed the envelope over as I slowly ripped the packaging open, confused as to what it could be. Two airline tickets fell into my hand as well as a brochure and hotel keys. Chloe looked over my shoulder as she took the hotel keys from me and examined them.
"These are keys to Four Seasons Hotel in Bora Bora." Chloe exclaimed in disbelief, her eyes wide. She flipped the keys over and looked over the pamphlet as she looked up to my dad. He nodded his head and smiled at the both of us.
"It was supposed to be your honeymoon. But now…it looks like it's the beginning of a new story."
"I don't know what to say." I spoke, still in shock at everything that was transpiring. I knew that I probably looked like a fish with the way my mouth was opening and closing but no coherent words were coming to life.
"Don't say anything, just…go catch your flight." He motioned with his hand towards the double set of doors of the church. I followed his gaze and instinctively sought out Chloe's soft hand for reassurance. With one last look at my dad, I nodded and turned to make my way out.
"Let's go Bellas! Operation 'Bloe Extraction' is a go!" Amy declared as I was surprised that all the Bellas were listening carefully to Amy's instructions. "Come on!" We all turned to go, to leave everything behind us and start new.
"Wait!" Jesse had reached out and grabbed my left wrist, stopping me in my place. I couldn't help but internally laugh at the current situation. Here, Jesse was holding me back with one hand and Chloe was pulling me forward with my other. The irony of it all was hilarious.
"We can fix this Beca! This wasn't how our ending was supposed to be!" He pleaded with me. He had his best kicked puppy expression on his face, the same look that he played so many times in his past that had worked for him before. But not anymore.
"Sometimes the ending isn't predictable Jesse," I explained truthfully, I looked between his eyes and finally down to my right hand that Chloe was still holding onto. I looked up at my beautiful redhead who smiled softly at me, her eyes a warm shade to match the kindness behind them. "Sometimes, the girl gets the girl." His eyes dropped to the floor as I smiled sympathetically. When I went to turn, he pulled me back once more. Trying once more to change my mind.
"Beca, Please." Jesse was desperately trying to save whatever he thought was worth saving between us. Begging to give it another go.
"Don't make me choose." I cautioned him, the tone in my voice alerted him the severity that I was meaning. "It her." I let go of Jesse's hand, he dropped it to his side dejectedly as he clenched his jaw. I could see the bitterness starting to show on his features, the rejection and embarrassment.
"It's always been her."
With having said my final words to Jesse, I placed my arm on Chloe's lower back as I led us out of the room and towards the exit doors. Stacie carried my train as the girls made a path towards the Bridal room and pushed back relatives and friends who were trying to reason with me.
Once we entered the room, the Bellas divided in half and began to help Chloe and I change out of our dresses and into some of our normal clothes. I grabbed my travel bag and threw on dark wash skinny jeans, dark grey V-neck and my brown leather jacket. Stacie draped my dress over the couch and took out the various accessories in my hair. I watched as Aubrey was helping Chloe change into her lose scoop neck green shirt and short denim shorts. Chloe's curls fell down over her shoulders as I couldn't help the smile that broke out on my face.
This was it. This was my life from now on. This beautiful girl was mine.
"Ready Mitchell?" Stacie questioned as I nodded and grabbed my suitcase and backpack. Slinging the backpack across my shoulders, I walked over to the door that led outside. Towards Chloe and I's freedom. Chloe hurried over to me as I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her close. Our noses brushed as I leant forward and caught her lips with mine gently. She framed my face with her hands as I pulled back.
"I love you." I told her earnestly. If the smile on her face was any indication, I was going to be more than alright having Chloe by my side for the rest of my life.
"I love you too." She whispered back to me. "Always."
"Always." I agreed as I nodded. "Let's get out of here." With that, I pulled open the door to the back parking lot where my car sat, waiting for our escape. I quickly made my way over and began to pack out bags that we would need in the trunk, we'd have to stop at Chloe's apartment for a few things before we went to the airport. Chloe was hugging each of the Bellas, happy tears were flowing from everyone's face and I knew that sooner or later they would probably be falling from my eyes as well.
"Mitchell." Aubrey approached me, her back straightened and her Posen mode in full effect.
"Posen." I countered as she narrowed her eyes at me.
"If you hurt her…" Aubrey let the threat hang in the air, her hardened gaze backing up her words as she stood with her hands on her hips.
"I won't." Aubrey took a couple seconds before she nodded and surprisingly brought me in for a swift hug.
"Take care of her, she's like my little sister."
With that, all the Bellas said their farewells and good wishes for safe travels. I told everyone that we'd be in touch in a few days after everything had the chance to settle down. Aubrey assured Chloe and myself that she would handle it and I knew that if Aubrey said she'd take care of it, I had nothing to worry about. I opened the passenger side of the door for Chloe as she joked at my chivalry. Once we were situated, I started the car and the radio came on.
"This is a new start. This is it." I looked over to Chloe. I caught her smile at the double meaning to my chosen words.
"This is us."
A/N: I apologize for how long this took and for the errors that I'm sure plague the sentences, but I hope that you all enjoyed it. This is end of 'Love You Goodbye' . Thank you so much for those of you who sent me kind words of encouragement. Special thank you to jalex1, Happy Birthday as well x.
Thanks again everyone.