"So. Was this excitement enough to satisfy you for the rest of the day at least?" Draco finally said, as he rolled of Harry to lay beside him instead. Harry chuckled quietly in reply. "Yeah, I would think so. That was incredible!"

"Yeah," the smile could be heard in Draco's voice. "You know it really has to come from within you though," he continued after a short pause. Harry looked at him quizzically, prompting him to elaborate. "I meant what I said, back then. I'll be here for you, but the will to get well, to stop hurting yourself - that has to come from you. No one can force an addict to get rid of their addiction - at least not in a lasting, healthy way. I guess locking you up, restraining you, would in theory do it, but what would be the additional damage from that kind of treatment? No, if you want to continue to hurt yourself, get high on adrenaline and endorphins, there really isn't much I can do. If you want to stop though, I'll be here, helping you, each step on the way." He turned so that he could look Harry in the eyes. "If you'll have me, that is."

"If I'll..?" Harry was astonished that that could even be a question. "Draco, I know I'm messed up. I don't want to be though. I don't want to want to cut. The desire to do it is just so strong, and when I don't do it for awhile, I get all shaky and feel weak."

Draco nodded, as if what he was hearing was what he expected. "Withdrawal, your body is used to the high levels endorphins."

"This was a really good way to get my fill though," Harry said with a smile. Draco smiled back. "It was, but don't you go get addicted to sex now," he winked at Harry.

"Draco, how do you know all this about addictions? And about how the will to get better should come from me?" Harry finally asked what he had been wondering about for some time now. Draco looked away, not answering at first, but then he seemed to gather some resolve and looked back up at Harry.

"When Father went to Azkaban, Mother didn't take it that well. In fact, she refused to accept it at all." Draco turned his eyes away from Harry's now, looking blankly ahead when continuing. "At first, she'd just sit there, in the greenhouse at the Manor, not eating, not moving, hardly speaking. If she did speak, it was to ask when Father would be home. Never anything else. I tried my best to do everything I could to get her to accept that Father wasn't coming back. I tried to get her to realize, that we could go on though, the two of us. Build a new life. She refused. No matter what I tried to say or do, she wouldn't budge. She just kept sitting there, asking for Father."

Draco's voice drifted off for a little bit. Harry pondered whether or not he should say something, but he did not know what that might be. A part of him even felt guilty, even though he knew Lucius had only himself to blame - but it was because of Harry's defeat of Voldemort, that Draco's father now was in Azkaban.

"One day, when I went to see her, she was not there though. Asking the house-elves, I found her walking in the garden. At first, I was happy. I thought she was finally getting better. I thought that all I had done; taking care of everything around the house, dealing with the press, making sure I'd spend time with her and talk about things I knew interested her… I thought all that had finally paid off. That she was finally snapping out of it and getting back to being Mother again." Draco sounded wistful and bitter at the same time, making Harry dread the continuation.

"That was until I went out to her. Seeing me, she put her hands around my neck and pulled me into a close hug. It was when she tried to kiss me that I realized something was awfully wrong." The bitterness was clear now. Harry ached with him, as he continued. "I pushed her away from me, and she cried Father's name in confusion. After a little examination, I found that she was under the effect of Heavenly Hope; a highly illegal and addictive potion that makes you relive the happiest moments of your life. Apparently she thought she was reliving the time when she and Father had been newly-wed." Draco sighed, bitterness replaced with a tired sadness.

"I had the Manor searched through and all of Mother's supply of Heavenly Hope was destroyed. It wasn't long though, until she somehow had gotten hold of some more and was living in her memories again. No matter how I tried, she always got more. Even if it broke my heart, I even tried to have her locked in her rooms. She fought me; she cried and pleaded, but I still didn't let her leave. She hurt herself repeatedly and I healed her but I didn't let her out. I told her - and myself - that it was for the best. She needed to get rid of her addiction, and I had tried everything else. I sat with her, as much as I could stand. I endured her rages, her accusations and her tears. Finally though, the addiction was broken - I had learned the spell that let me measure the substance-levels in her blood, and there was no trace left. She looked me in the eyes and smiled and thanked me. She told me that she understood why I had done it and that she loved me. So I let her out. That evening I found her in the gardens again, just like the first time. Even free from the addiction, she still wasn't free from her desire for the potion. She didn't want to quit. So the first chance she got, she acquired some more. That's how I learned the importance of wanting to get rid of an addiction. That's how I know that if you don't want to stop cutting, I cannot help you, no matter how I want to. The desire to quit has to come from you."

Harry reached out his hand to take Draco's. "I'm sorry you had to go through that," he said. Draco just shrugged "When I see her, she thinks I am Father. I leave her care mostly to the house-elves now."

"You haven't contacted St. Mungos?"

"Several times. They won't help. They always have some excuses, but the truth is that they don't want to help the wife and son of a convicted Death Eater." Draco's voice was now flat and emotionless.

"That's not right! The two of you were cleared."

"The world ain't fair, Harry. You of all people should know that. Anyway, the Malfoy name might not be worth much right now, but I'll get all O:s on my NEWTs and I'll get the name cleared again. Then I'll get Mother the help she needs and deserves. You just wait and see." He smiled at last then, although Harry could tell that he meant it. Draco might be going through rough times right now, but he was far from defeated.

"I want to quit, you know. I just don't know how to fight the urge when it hits." Harry decided to return to the topic, no matter how difficult it was.

"Wanting to quit is the start. I'll help you with the fighting, if you only let me." Draco looked into Harry's eyes as he reached up to cup his chin. Harry nodded into it as Draco kissed him gently.

"Together, we'll make it through anything," he said with a smile.

"Together?"

"If you only want to?"

"I want to, I really, really want to." Draco laughed at Harry's enthusiasm. It had taken him a long time to get used to the thought of being in a relationship, but now that he had, it felt right. Now, he could not think of not being with Harry. He might be all broken, but Draco was sort of messed up as well. And as they say, the most interesting people are the broken and scared ones…

"I'm glad. I love you." The words just slipped out. Harry stilled. Then a small smile started to form at the corners of his mouth. "I love you too."

Even though they would have preferred to just stay in bed, the threat of returning Gryffindors had them get up and soon Harry was walking Draco down to the common room. The common room was almost empty, except for Ron, who was sitting on the sofa just staring ahead, seemingly lost in thought. As they walked by him, he spoke up though.

"It's because I've been such an arse lately, isn't it?"

Harry and Draco stopped and turned to look at him. Without looking at them, or waiting for a reply, he continued.

"You just had to use my bed."

Harry blushed at that; how did he know? Draco just smirked. Now Ron turned to look at them.

"You know, I will have nightmares for ages. No one should walk into a room and see their best mate doing… that. And on my bed of all places! My bed. Where I'm supposed to sleep again, this night. I'm seriously considering obliviating myself."

At this, Harry was filled with horror. "You walked in on us?" he managed to squeak out.

"Yeah," Ron was blushing as well, his face matching his hair. "We came up from dinner, and well… Frankly, we thought you were being tortured or something!"

"We? As in who exactly?" Harry was suddenly having a hard time breathing. Draco was showing the faintest of flush as well, and was keeping a calming hand on Harry's shoulder as he wanted to sink through the floor and vanish.

"Well, there was Neville. And Seamus and Dean. And then there was, ahmm, well… 'Mione." Ron said her name in a rush, like he really did not want to. Harry really did not want to know it either. It was enough that all his dorm-mates had walked in on them, without him and Draco even noticing anything, but Hermione as well? He was never, ever going to be able to face anyone again! He groaned and sunk down on the sofa, next to Ron.

"I guess you were sort of lucky 'Mione came with, at least she made Seamus and Dean leave. They wanted to stay. Said something about getting some new ideas to try out…" Ron was babbling nervously now. "'Mione wouldn't have any of that though. So she made them leave. And not only the dorm, she made sure everyone else left the tower as well. You know, because of the… erhmm, sounds. Everyone except me, that is. I mean, I wanted to leave. I didn't want to listen to you!" Ron was on a roll now, babbling in panic. "I just… I needed to be here, when you came out. I needed to… I needed to say that I'm sorry. For being an arse. I talked with 'Mione. And well. Then I saw you. On my bed. MY bed! I'm going to need therapy, you realize that mate? I'm going to have to see a mind healer for the rest of my life. I'm never going to be the same."

"Sorry, I just… Ahmm, I…" What did you say to your best mate when they had seen you tied up with your arse on display, getting buggered silly?

"No, no… I'm sorry. Just, no repeats, okay? At least not on my bed? … Do you think I could have it replaced? With a new one? If we say this one broke or something?" Ron chuckled nervously, and Harry joined him.

"Harry?" Draco suddenly interrupted. He looked from Harry to Ron and back at Harry. "You're okay here for now? You two need to bond or whatever you Gryffindors do?" he smirked, but with kind laughter in his eyes. Harry nodded. "I'm going down to the dungeons. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'd love that."

Draco gave Harry a quick kiss before leaving the Gryffindor Tower.

"So, you two are really getting serious." Ron's words were more a statement than a question.

"Yeah, you think you're ever going to be okay with that?" Harry was almost afraid to ask, but he felt he had to.

"I can't say I like it, but, yeah. I guess I could get used to it. At least, for your sake. Don't ask me to start liking the git though!"

"Accepting that I like him is enough," Harry answered with a smile.

"I guess I can manage that."

They sat quiet for awhile.

"'Mione and Bulstrode are just friends," Ron said suddenly, braking the silence. Harry looked up, nodding as he knew that was the case.

"Me and 'Mione talked today. I guess I overreacted. Bulstrode's been a great help to 'Mione. They almost have a plan ready to get her parent's memories restored."

"That's great! I hope it will work. So, are you and 'Mione back together now?"

"Nah. We talked about that, too. I love her, I really do. Lately though, all we did was fight. I guess that's one of the reasons we were both kinda jerks to you," Ron blushed at that confession. "We were so tired of fighting with each other about everything, we just grabbed at the first chance at getting someone else to be angry at, that we could both be angry at. I can't say how sorry I am for that. You really didn't deserve it. 'Mione feels the same way. Anyway, we talked about it, and for now, we're staying friends. We're not saying that we'll never get back together, but as it is we decided we need to at least look around a little. See if our fighting stops, and just see what happens."

"Sounds like a good plan." Harry paused for a moment, before burying his hands in his face again. "I don't know how I can face 'Mione ever again though," he groaned.

"Hey, at least it wasn't her bed!" Ron laughed now. Harry punched him jokingly in the arm; Ron punched back. It felt good, to be laughing with Ron again.

It looked like things would sort themselves out with Ron and Hermione. Draco loved him. Harry still felt pressure on him from the outside, but for the first time, he felt like he could manage. He was not alone. Hermione and Ron might not know the extent of how bad it all had gotten, but they were his friends. As was Ginny. Draco was his strength though. Draco made him want to be alive and happy and not broken anymore.

With Draco by his side, he was ready to face the world. He was ready to save himself.