Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece (obviously) or the photo used (no as obviously)

A/N: I know Sanji's official name has been revealed, but I felt like keeping it with the common fan-name "Black". I'll probably change it accordingly with future works, but for now it's "Sanji Black". Also, despite the photo, Zoro will have both eyes in this fic.

Sanji was jarred awake by the incessant blaring of his landline. Muttering under his breath, he rolled out of bed and trudged to his living room, where the phone sat. He coughed -clearing his throat- picked up the phone, and tried to prevent his voice from betraying his exhaustion.

"Hello?"

"Hello Mr. Black. This is Mr. Spandam of the Grand Line Home Owners Association. Is this a bad time?"

Sanji cast a weary eye to the analog clock that sat on his mantel. 6:36 AM. Normally he'd be up by now, but considering it was Sunday –his only day off- he usually slept in until 8:00. He ran a tongue over his dry mouth and forced his sleepy brain to form a coherent response.

"No, no. It's fine Mr. Spandam. I was up anyways. What did you call about?"

"I'm calling to ask if you've received a letter this past week, regarding your hedges." Spandam said, as if he were trying to reign his temper.

Sanji, confused by the tone, searched his mind. He glanced over to the coffee table and saw an opened envelope. Beside it, a typed letter with an official signature and seal at the bottom. Sanji grabbed the paper and scanned the words.

Mr. Black…hedges beneath your ground floor windows….too tall…trimmed immediately…fined….Sincerely, President of the Home Owners Association, Mr. Spandam

It was coming back to him with each word he read. Sanji had returned home a few days ago after work. Dead on his feet, like every night, he had read but forgotten about the letter. Setting the paper down, he rubbed the back of his neck and tried to respond appropriately.

"Yeah, I got it. Sorry Mr. Spandam, I've just been busy and-"

"I understand, but all the same I'd rather you come to the Clubhouse today at 7 to discuss this situation."

"Are you sure? I wouldn't want to take the time out of your day. I can just trim them right now." Sanji offered. Wasting time in a meeting with anyone from the Home Owners Association was far from how he wanted to spend his day off.

"No, no. I insist. After all, you're new to the neighborhood. It'd be best to smooth over any other confusions between us." Sanji could swear the man was goading him, but without facial expressions it was hard to be sure.

"Right," Sanji exhaled in defeat.

"Perfect, see you soon."

The phone clicked and Sanji hung up the phone in defeat. Running a hair through his bedraggled hair, he headed to the bathroom to shower and start his day.

Sanji had moved into the Grand Line neighborhood just barely over a week ago. It was a fairly new neighborhood, prided on its safe surroundings and quiet atmosphere. While a bit further away from his restaurant than his old apartment, Sanji had decided it was time to move into a house. And since he intended on marrying and starting a family sometime in the near future –hopefully within the decade- he decided to purchase a home before the houses became too high in demand and thus unobtainable.

However, neighborhoods as premier as this one came with rules and the people who enforced these rules: the Home Owners Association. And the President of this association was Spandam, a man who Sanji had the displeasure of meeting once before –before he'd officially moved in.

Spandam was a tall man who seemed shorter due to an ever present slouch. His coarse lavender hair –Sanji believes the odd color to be the result from an incorrect attempt to dye his grey hairs- seemed to constantly be in need of a wash and his bulbous nose did nothing to enhance his looks.

Sanji, however, would be able to look past all that if the man possessed any other positive traits. But unfortunately Sanji hadn't noticed any in their short time speaking with each other. The man was snide, condescending, and rather egotistical. He also had a grading voice that seemed to be set at just the right pitch to grate unpleasantly inside Sanji's inner ear.

And the worst thing about the man, was that he was Sanji's neighbor. He was the very reason Sanji had taken to leaving the house before 7 on work days; he didn't want to chance a run in with the guy.

But now it seemed like he couldn't avoid the man forever. Sanji pulled his car into a parking space near the Clubhouse and entered after tucking the old letter into his jacket's inner pocket. The Clubhouse was a communal building beside the neighborhood pool. Inside was a small kitchen, an office, some bathrooms, and a living room with couches and a TV. It could be rented for parties, though Sanji hardly saw the point as most houses in the neighborhood had living rooms twice as big as the one in the Clubhouse. Plus the kitchen wasn't well suited to cooking; it seemed to be designed more for holding the catered food until it was ready to be served. Perhaps the appeal was that the guests wouldn't be making a mess in your own home?

Sanji poked his head into the office located to the left of the door but found it empty. He thought for a moment and headed for the living room, a bit surprised to find Spandam spread languidly on the couch as if he were trying to take up as much space as possible while still sitting. Sanji nearly laughed at the sight, but remembered this man held actual power with Sanji's mortgage and property rights, so he withheld even a smirk.

"I thought we were meeting in the office." Sanji offered to start the conversation, as he sat down on the couch opposite to Spandam.

"We were, but I decided that since I was coming in I called in another homeowner I've been meaning to talk to. I thought this space would better accommodate us all."

Sanji raised his visible eyebrow in surprise. "I thought this was just supposed to be meeting between us?"

"It was, but I might as well knock out two birds with one stone. Besides," Spandam smiled a thin toothy grin. "It'd do you some good to see what kind of degenerate you'd become if you allow such misconduct to continue."

"Misconduct? Mr. Spandam I assure you I've simply been too busy and forgot about the shi- erm the hedges. I'm off today, so-"

"So I'm not holding you up, that's good." Spandam said, his grinning stretching even wider. Sanji was debating if Spandam was trying to be amicable with that grin or actively trying to piss him off when the smile slid off Spandam's face and he glanced at his watch.

"He's late." Spandam growled and pulled his cell phone from his pants pocket. Sanji tried not to be too awkward as Spandam dialed a number, waited, and promptly snapped.

"This is the 4th and last time I am calling you. If you are not at the Grand Line clubhouse in less than 2 minutes, you will be removed from this neighborhood." He hung up the phone and stuffed it back into his pocket.

Sanji tried not to stare back at the man in shock. He'd never heard Spandam use any tone remotely similar to aggressive. Weaseling, yes. Sugar-coated, yes. Passive-aggressive, most definitely. But open hostility was something new. And yet. Even when speaking in such an antagonistic tone, Sanji could tell Spandam wasn't confident. He wasn't unafraid of whoever he'd just called. Rather he was terrified, and simply used his position as a shield. Just when Sanji had thought the President of the HOA couldn't get any worse, he'd displayed Sanji's most absolutely hated trait –spineless.

Just then the door to the Clubhouse slammed open. Located behind and to the left of Sanji, he couldn't immediately see who entered. But he certainly heard him. The door slammed shut and heavy, booted footsteps marched across the linoleum floor towards the couches. Sanji glanced out of the corner of his eye and caught a glimpse of black jacket, sweat pants, tan skin, and… green hair? The hell?