I slept with my boss.
I slept with my boss on my first day of work.
I slept with my boss, on my first day of work, immediately after he was dumped by his girlfriend.
I slept with my boss, on my first day of work, immediately after he was dumped by his girlfriend…
And he got me pregnant.
Now that the confessions are out of the way, let me introduce myself.
My name is Gabriella Diamond, Gabi for short. My mother thought the name sounded famous, she thought Gabriella Diamond would be a household name.
I haven't quite made it yet…
The only thing I've really perfected in life is being broke and not starving to death, though I'm usually just a few dollars away from the latter.
I live with my best friend, Sophia. She's my rock. I don't have much family left, so Sophia is my unofficial sister. She fills a huge void in my life.
My mother died when I was 16. I miss her every second of every day.
I'm the personal chef for Josh Kaminski, a 29-year-old web developer and self-made millionaire, who also happens to be the father of my unborn child. I've been working for him for over 2 months now. It's a good job… except for the whole, "pregnant with the boss' kid" thing…
Two other people work for Josh: Elliot, his publicist, and Yolanda, his housekeeper. Yolanda is great. Elliot hates me, though I'm not exactly sure why.
Oh! And Josh does not know that I'm pregnant… Not yet.
I'm trying to figure out the best way to tell him.
I wouldn't keep it a total secret from him…
…But I wish I could, because he's engaged.
To someone else.
He got engaged the day after we had the sex that lead to the baby situation.
I know, I know… It's a mess. It's all a huge mess.
And it's only going to get messier from here on out.
!
It's 8am. Ugh.
My "last call" alarm is ringing angrily beside me, blaring Dolly Parton's "9 to 5". I promised myself that I would stop pressing the snooze button and show up to work on-time for once, but that isn't going to happen this morning. I'm not only exhausted, despite the 9 hours I just slept, but I'm so, so nauseous.
I barely have time to register the awful feeling of being awake before I'm sprinting to the toilet and depositing everything I ate last night inside the bowl. Wave after wave of nausea hits me and I gag until I'm completely empty. It's been this way for the past two weeks. I have to practically drag myself over to the shower because I'm so shaky and still super tired. I take a quick shower, and like clockwork, have to sit down on the edge of the tub before I pass out on the ground. Pregnancy… It's a real treat.
When I finally make it to work, I get a look of hatred from Elliot. He makes a snide remark and hands me Josh's breakfast request. French toast and bacon. Easy enough.
I get started on the order and try to hurry it along. I'm already running behind and I don't want Josh upset with me, but at the same time, I feel awful. The food smells are a bit hard for me to stomach and I swallow hard, barely able to bite back my nausea long enough to finish cooking.
"You alright? You're looking a little green," Yolanda whispers to me. I nod my head and try desperately to focus on the task at hand. Once Josh's breakfast is plated, Yolanda offers to bring it to him and I rush to the nearest bathroom.
I try to vomit quietly but that's not an easy task. After a few terrible, tense heaves, I feel a moment of relief and rest my head against the cool tile of the bathroom floor.
"Gabi? You alright?" Josh bellows from the other side of the door.
Before I can even respond, I'm puking again. People told me that morning sickness is terrible, but this is worse than I ever could have expected. I sob and retch uncontrollably, praying for even a moment of peace. It doesn't come. I briefly notice the sound of the door opening and cool hands pulling my hair away from the mess.
"It's okay, shh, it's okay. You're okay," Josh whispers to me.
He will be a good father, I can tell.
When I'm finished, I feel like all of the life has been sucked out of me. I lay back down on the floor and Josh flushes the toilet for me. I'm too weak to be embarrassed.
This sickness can't be normal. How do other women survive this?
"How many days have you been this sick?" Josh asks me gently.
"Just t-today…" I barely choke out. It's only half a lie… I haven't been this sick before today. Generally sick, but not this severe.
He reaches over and feels my forehead.
"No fever. Do you have other symptoms?" He asks.
Yeah, a child growing in me, I think to myself.
"No," is all I say in reply. I'm too drained to think of more lies.
"Maybe food poisoning? I'm no doctor, but I know you don't have the flu if you don't have a fever," he responds.
"Yeah, probably food poisoning…" I murmur back.
At this point, the room is completely spinning. I'm still on the ground, pressing my face to the cold tile. I need to get up before Josh starts to worry. I try for a moment and the exertion is unbearable. I physically cannot get up.
I've spent the last 5 weeks afraid about becoming a mom. Now, on top of that, I'm afraid that something is actually wrong with me.
"I don't want you to work in this condition, let me drive you home," Josh says.
I don't respond.
"Gabi, grab my hand and I'll help you up. You are so pale. You need to go home."
I try as hard as I can to lift my hand up to grab his hand but I can't. Warm tears run down my clammy cheeks.
His hands come under my armpits, lifting me up from the ground. As soon as he manages to pull me up, the blood rushes away from my head and my heart skips a beat. Before I can give him a warning, I pass out in Josh's arms.
!
When I regain consciousness, I'm in a hospital bed. There is an IV attached to my arm and I have a major ache in my eyes and temples. My whole body is heavy. I try not to panic when I see Josh next to me, his head in his hands. I spend a moment looking at him before he notices I'm awake.
I think I have to tell him I'm pregnant, before someone else does.
"I'm pregnant," I say in a weak, raspy voice.
-"You're pregnant," Josh says at the same time.
We clam up and stare dumbly at one another.
"I overheard the doctor. When did you plan on mentioning it to me, Gabi? It is mine, right?"
The question throws me off.
I have a way out of this.
Josh doesn't know how many people I've slept with in the last few months. I could pretend it wasn't his… He may think less of me, but that might be better in the long run.
Instead, I nod my head. I just can't lie about my child's paternity.
"I thought so. I mean, I wasn't completely sure, but okay. Okay…Oh my God. I'm going to be a dad? Wow. Oh God," he rambles.
I don't say anything to calm him down. I'm tired and uncomfortable and I don't want to tell him that it's okay. It's not okay. Nothing is okay. I'm in the hospital. I don't even know what's wrong with me and he's just freaking out.
"Have you thought about adoption? Or, um, you know… Abortion?" He asks me, slowly. Just the way he says the word "abortion" shows me that he doesn't feel comfortable with the idea. I know he's just freaking out, but the words sting. I know it's not ideal, but abortion? Really, Josh?
"Yeah… But I still want to keep it. You don't have to be involved if you don't want to, but I won't get an abortion," I reply. There, now he has a way out of this. He's getting married in a few months. He may not want to be a part of the child's life. I had choices in this situation; he should have choices too. Before he can respond, I blurt out, "But please don't fire me, Josh! I need my job now more than ever."
"I would never fire you, Gabi. And if you are keeping it, I'll do whatever I have to do. I won't be a deadbeat dad, "he states, before reaching over the bed and squeezing my hand,
"Thank you," I choke out, emotional again. It's a burden off of my shoulders that Josh knows I am pregnant, but I feel so guilty at the same time. As much as I dislike Caroline, I feel sorry for her. I'm having a baby with her fiancé. I'm taking something away from her. This is not an ideal situation for any parties involved.
Before we can discuss anything else, a doctor walks into my room.
"Glad to see you are back to us, Gabriella. My name is Dr. Walters, I have a few things to go over with you. Josh, can you step into the hallway for a few minutes while I talk to her?"
"Josh can stay," I tell him quickly before the man next to me has time to react.
The doctor nods his head and immediately starts giving us information. He is worried that I have a condition called hyperemesis gravidarum, which is a long name for really bad morning sickness. He gives me a piece of paper with ideas to keep food and fluids down.
"You were severely dehydrated as well, which could have caused a miscarriage if untreated. You were brought here just in time," the doctor tells us.
I glance at Josh, who is engrossed in every word.
By bringing me here, he probably saved me and the baby and he didn't even know it. Caution is a good quality for a father to have.
The doctor instructs me on how to eat, vitamins to take, supplements to drink if I can't get food down and tells me to visit an OB-GYN in the next few weeks.
"In the meantime, I have our OB-GYN coming in to give you a check-up and ultrasound. Her name is Dr. Harmon. I'm going to keep you on the IV to make sure you are thoroughly rehydrated and we'll discharge you in the morning as long as everything looks good."
We thank the doctor and he excuses himself from the room. My nerves are completely shot. It's already 11:30pm and I still have to stay in the hospital all night.
"You don't have to stick around," I tell Josh, sure that he would like to go home and get some rest; "I can keep you updated by text."
He squints at me, annoyed, "I'm not leaving until you leave, Gabi. I want to see the ultrasound."
"But you are probably tired. It's almost midnight. I'm sure Caroline is wondering where you are."
The mention of Caroline brings our conversation to a grinding halt. Josh seems to remember that he'll need to have a conversation with his fiancé about the situation that we are in. He stares at the floor for a long time after that, not saying another word.
Half an hour later, I realize that I'm hungry. So, so hungry. I haven't eaten a real meal in weeks. And everything I've managed to eat while being pregnant has ended up in the toilet. I look around, but there is no food in the entire room. For reasons I can't even explain, I cry about it.
I'm a mess. How am I going to be a mother when I'm such a mess?
I ring for a nurse and one quickly enters the room. She looks concerned and I apologize quickly before asking for something to eat. This seems to jar Josh from his deep thoughts.
"Oh God, I didn't even think of that. You must be starving!" He jumps up from his seat, "I'll get you something! Anything you want!"
The nurse chuckles and shakes her head, "I will get her something, just relax and stay with your wife."
Before either of us can correct her, she leaves the room.
"You should have told me you were hungry. You have to tell me things, Gabi! You can't just keep everything to yourself, okay?"
I'm stunned by his outburst. When it comes to being an emotional wreck, Josh is being almost as bad as me.
"This isn't about the food, is it Josh?" I ask.
He sighs loudly and shakes his head.
"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant? I had the right to know as soon as you did. No matter what has happened between us, we are friends. You should have told me you were pregnant," He says angrily.
I don't blame him for being upset.
"I know, I know," I whine back, "But-"
Just as I was about to explain, the nurse comes back with two trays of food, one for each of us. I see chicken nuggets, fries, applesauce, a roll, apple juice and milk. I've never been so excited to see food. We thank her and I immediately shove a chicken nugget in my mouth.
Both of us are hungry enough to pause our conversation and eat. I finish in minutes and Josh sets some of his fries on my tray. I flash him a small smile and eat them too. I don't want to overdo it, but it feels really good to eat without immediately puking."
"I should have known something was wrong. I could tell you were losing a lot of weight." Josh mentions between bites.
I look down at my body and realize he's right. I have lost weight, probably 15 pounds in the last 5 weeks. I guess I haven't been paying attention to my body since I started worrying about my pregnancy. Between the anxiety, the puking, the exhaustion and trying to keep everything a secret, I've neglected myself, which is the opposite of what I should be doing.
"I didn't notice," I quietly tell him. He gives me a look of sympathy in response, "Look, Josh, I didn't tell you I was pregnant because I was scared. I mean, you and Caroline got back together immediately after we had sex. I was just a rebound. And you're my boss. This hasn't been easy. I'm not like you. I don't have my life together. I don't even have a car that a baby could ride in safely. I don't have any family. I don't have any money. I don't have a mom to teach me how to be a mom, "my voice cracks, "And now I'm pregnant and I don't even have a partner. I feel alone. I'm scared. I'm so scared."
I start to cry and I notice that Josh is crying too. He grabs my hand and squeezes it comfortingly.
"It's okay. I know this must be hard for you… and I'm scared too, Gabi. I'm terrified. And despite what you think, I don't have everything together… But I do have money and a car, so you'll never have to worry about that. And I will help you every step of the way. We're in this thing together. We made this kid together; we'll raise this kid together, as a team. You'll never be alone," He tells me.
I'm touched and I want to believe him, but there is still the matter of his fiancé to discuss.
"And Caroline?" I ask.
"Caroline will have to learn to accept it. If she can't, then I can't marry her. I would never choose a woman over my own flesh and blood," he replies.
For now, I'm appeased by his answer. The OB-GYN chooses that moment to walk in, with another woman following behind, wheeling a screen, so there isn't time to continue the conversation.
We quickly exchange pleasantries before they ask to perform a vaginal ultrasound and exam. I'm embarrassed to have it done in front of Josh, but I allow it so she can make sure everything looks right with the baby. And anyway, he's sitting next to me; he can't see anything that's happening down there.
She does a quick exam. Afterward the other woman inserts a wand in me to do the ultrasound. I'm extremely uncomfortable, but I'd lying if I didn't say that I was also excited to see the baby. I mean, it's my baby, after all.
I look at Josh and he's positively pale. He's shaking. I'm almost worried he'll be the next one to collapse on the ground. I grab his hand and force a wide smile. It seems to calm his nerves a bit.
We're about to see the image of our baby. Oh my God.
The ultrasound technician flips a switch to turn on the screen and points to a little white spot.
"Your baby is right here. Judging by the size here and the date of your last period, you are about 10 weeks along… Everything looks good at this point. You can call my office and set up an appointment for your next visit. If not, I'd recommend picking your own OB in the next few weeks," she tells us, but we are barely listening. Josh and I are mesmerized by the little bean image on the screen.
The women eventually gather everything up and leave the room and we are alone again.
"Wow, this time 24 hours ago, I was planning a trip to China to work on a project for 10 weeks. Now, I'm going to be a dad? I'm going to be a dad, Gabi!" He says to me.
"I know, I'm can't believe I'm going to be someone's mom…" I reply. The words are foreign to my tongue.
"Mom and dad," Josh says back to me with a smile on his face, "We're going to be someone's mom and dad. That's huge… That's huge."
He grabs my hand and plants a quick kiss on the back of it. We embrace tightly and I smile, despite my fear. I can't let fear control me. Josh is right; we are going to be someone's mom and dad. We have to be brave.