A/N: it... its done! ._.
the Hate part of this... its COMPLETE! :D
i'm so happy! XD
Enjoy!
Ambivalence
Ambivalence was the state of having mixed feelings or having contradictory ideas about something or someone. Often times it meant a person didn't feel one way about them or the other. They could be both loved and hated. Feared and sought out. Any kind of two things that canceled each other out so in the end one generally felt neutral about this one person.
Velvet liked to think she had gotten to, at the very least, this point towards Cardin.
Some part of her still remembered the bully and was terrified of that, bits of that fear slipping in whenever she saw him get angry or burst into bouts of violence.
But at the same time she sought him out. There was a pull, something more than just her pity towards his situation and that damnably cute tail of his. She genuinely wanted to find him and… fix? This? Do something about this sudden hesitant, skittish distance between them.
She found herself mulling over the book Professor Goodwitch had lent her, along with her conversation with, of all people, Weiss Schnee. It had been a few days since she saw the white girl in the library and her words still rang out along with her decision to see this through.
She wanted, no needed, to see where this whole situation led. Velvet had started it by offering her bully help in a random time of need, and he had been brave enough to accept, sort of, her help. He had come so far, accepting what she'd said… even her less than benign treatment… as he was figuring himself out.
This whole situation, truthfully, had brought a lot to Velvet's attention about herself as much as she was sure it did for Cardin. For him it was more obvious physically, him changing his diet, working out differently, actually taking her advice and even seeming calmer… until he'd spiraled and she'd blown up and he'd heard.
She hadn't really seen him since.
But that brought her to herself. She wasn't so blind as to not notice her own changes, particularly around him. She'd taken advantage of his vulnerability and need, his nearly martyr-like behavior, and… had been a bully to him.
It wasn't right, even if she felt justified after what he'd done.
Her parents would be so ashamed of her.
But that's why she wanted to… not so much 'make it up' to him, but at the very least see this through. The halfway decent Faunus Cardin could be deserved that. Deserved that final push and at least the support of one person to get him there. So he could be fine with himself…
If he didn't want to see her after that, fine. That could be it. It would be it. She'd stop bothering him and he would have a chance to be someone new.
With a deep breath and releasing the sigh that didn't calm her nerves in the slightest, Velvet looked in the mirror. Nodding to herself.
Today was the day. She put the book Professor Goodwitch had lent her in her bag and she headed for the door.
She'd find that would-be-Bunny-boy and help him on the final leg of his journey.
It was the least she could do… for him.
Cardin stared at himself in the mirror.
He looked… lighter.
He couldn't say he was smaller, he was still a big guy, he still had a decent amount of muscle and it was mostly in his chest and arms.
But his legs had gotten bigger, and he'd spent less time with his upper body so it wasn't as bulky. Sure it was only a few weeks but already there was a bit of a difference.
Leaner muscle, lighter feel…
He didn't… hate… the man in the mirror like he used to.
He still didn't like him. He still wasn't right...
But…
But maybe that wasn't the worst thing there was to think about right now.
Taking his shirt off he turned around. He didn't even notice or pay attention as his tail moved about above his tight black briefs. Didn't care that he'd let the diamond patch of fur around it grow more naturally to the point the shape was almost indistinguishable. Didn't care that the fur might have gotten a bit thicker and brighter from its short time in the sun thanks to his runs.
No, he was looking at the scars. The big gashes on his back, the burns, the cuts and marks from whatever the Legate had on hand when he needed it.
Truthfully… it'd been a long time since he'd gotten one of these, most of them faded and flattened, almost mixing with his normal skin tone. Years, maybe… any more recent ones had been self-inflicted and for the life of him he didn't know why he'd done it only that at the time he was whipped up in such a fit of rage it was all he knew to do.
In the time since Velvet saw his back… he hadn't looked at it himself, avoiding it as much as he possibly could.
But today… today he felt he needed to face this.
If he could face this, try to remember what it felt like before… before he knew what empathy and sadness was aimed at him, for him, then… then maybe this would be easier.
Maybe he could stop being such a coward and just face the one thing that scared him more than anything right now.
Her.
He didn't know what he wanted, but felt something was left unsaid, undone, and he wanted, no, needed to face her again.
Maybe it was to apologize… maybe to ask if she got the salad… if she liked it… if she was willing to… to just… maybe…
The eyes that looked up at him in the mirror, they were narrow and indigo like his own, but there was something… something different from what he was used to.
They were narrow, sure, but not sharp like a blade, not poised to cut him to pieces.
If anything, they were soft. A kind of softness he didn't know his face was capable of.
"Heh," he laughed at the idea. He wasn't soft, the rest of his face was still hard, high cheek bones and broad angles… but his narrow eyes weren't squinted in fury, weren't aimed to kill. He just didn't have it in him right now.
Leaning on the counter top he looked forward, rubbing his hands and wondering what to do.
These big, rough hands… these things meant to hold a mace and swing it with all the force he could produce. These big things that he held in tight fists when he started running, not knowing what to do, and pumping with all he had…
Until Velvet caught up to him and placed her tiny gentle hands on his, telling him to open them and let them hang loose. Fists only caused stress while running, could lead to a heart attack or something, she'd said. He thought it was bullshit at the time… but he learned, it took a while, but he learned to hold them open loosely, learned to just… just let it all go while he ran.
Maybe it was because he was a rabbit Faunus like her, or maybe he just really liked running, but it was probably the first time he could actually calm down in his life that he really knew.
His whole life had been strict schedules, amped up paranoia and fear, with minimal sleep and hard exercises. Everything was stress and everything had to be done NOW! He just… never knew what 'calm' was… same as he didn't know what 'love' or 'trust' really was besides just words.
He knew 'hate', lived and breathed it his whole life. That was all he knew…
Until she held out her hand to him and he'd not been so much of a pussy to take it.
She'd been mean, she'd thrown his own actions and attitude back in his face, and she'd been pushy about what she wanted…
"Heheh…" it made him laugh, just thinking about it. How different the girl he picked on was from the one picking on him. They weren't two wholly different people, but there was just something… different about the two faces he'd seen. One when he was just a human being a bully and the other a sissy little bitch of a Faunus, too dumb and green to know any better and she'd taken advantage of that leverage over him.
He wondered if she noticed.
He wondered more if he really cared. She was… funny, when she was spunky and standing up for herself. Being aggressive and toeing that edge into his world.
He didn't want her to come over here, it was dark, and sad, and depressing. Just fury and no thought.
It wasn't the place for someone sweet like her…
Well, someone 'sweeter' like she showed herself. Maybe it was true, he just hadn't earned the privilege of that side just yet.
If he ever would…
With a sigh, Cardin nodded his head.
He needed to find her. He needed to… thank her, at the very least apologize for just… being who he was, a product of his upbringing and fucked up nature.
Maybe beg, provided he got his shit together, that they could… he didn't know, hang out or something? Have an amicable social relationship?
Just be… decent people to each other… if she'd give him the chance.
He felt he still needed to make all this up to her, just didn't know how or what to do exactly.
Not be a dick was a start, but what from there?
With a grunt he shook his head. -One step at a time, man…- if he'd learned anything from this experience, it was that. Things took time, and stuff was gradual, just a little bit day by day.
Until one day, he was looking over his shoulder in the mirror, at the scars on his back and his tail out free and not feeling completely disgusted with what he was…
If he could do this, anything was really possible.
"Now to just talk to her," he heaved a great sigh.
One step at a time…
Velvet was making her way behind the cafeteria, this had to have been her third circuit of Beacon and still she hadn't found hide nor hair of the once-school-bully.
-How hard is it to find Cardin Winchester?!- apparently, quite difficult. Part of her wanted to blame herself, she did teach him how to run around the place and got him wound up enough to not only look for the best hiding spots, but to actually use them. He was a rabbit Faunus like her, this should have made sense.
Only it didn't and it wasn't helping her with her goal right now!
Frustrated she pulled out her scroll and checked the time…
There was a message from an unknown ID.
"I'll be out back behind the library…"
"Cryptic," one of her ears twitched as she stared at the odd message. She didn't necessarily hand out her scroll ID, Blake and her team were really the only ones at Beacon that should have it, then there was her family. But these were all accounted for with proper names attached, this one just showed up as the ID number and unlisted.
Annoyed, she noticed it was sent almost an hour ago.
"Who is this?"
She was tempted to call, but didn't want to get stuck chatting with a complete stranger. Plus, she didn't know if whoever they were was still where they claimed to be, the message was sent nearly an hour ago and it was on the other side of campus…
"It's Cardin, Coco gave me your ID…
Still here…"
Well that answered the immediate questions… though brought up a few more. -Why would Coco give him my ID?- last she knew, Coco still wanted to stomp him with her stilettoes, though less for him bullying her and more for him being a 'chump' as the Gucci-punk put it.
But even then, why would he contact her like this now? Why was he sitting out behind the library, for over an hour?
Velvet paused, stopping her feet as they had automatically started heading towards the opposite end of Beacon, and stared at her scroll.
This suddenly felt… very… very heavy.
This was important to Cardin. She'd been looking for him but he'd gone the extra step and actually asked her Team, her Team which likely terrified him if the wide berth his own Team had been giving hers since the exhibition matches meant anything.
She… she hadn't even thought of that. Running around blindly just hoping to find him easily, like she always seemed to before. He sat still for once and of course it's the one time she couldn't find him… while every other time when she'd want to avoid him he'd just appear, like magic.
She sighed. -Of course, that's just like how everything's been since this started, isn't it?- her eyes went to the sky, not necessarily imploring some deity, just finding the whole situation… ironic? Velvet wasn't sure that was the right word.
As for now? Brown eyes went back to her scroll…
"Been looking for you…
Be there soon…"
With a deep breath she put her scroll away. Why waste an opportunity presented to her so smoothly?
She found him sitting on a bench behind Beacon's Library, holding his head in his hands and staring at the ground. For some reason she found his pondering moments kind of cute, just the idea of a big lug like him thinking deeply, it was hilarious.
Immediately she berated herself internally for being a jerk and made her way to sit down next to him quietly, letting him finish his thoughts.
It took longer than expected but Cardin finally noticed there was someone next to him. At first he was angry, annoyed someone would sit next to him and not so much as say anything, but luckily he managed to not shout out the first thing that came to mind before he moved his head up in surprise, finding those familiar bunny ears and cheery smile.
"H-hi!" Velvet stiffly waved at the boy, not sure what the hell she was doing.
"Ah-uh-I…" Cardin wasn't doing much better, fumbling with syllables before shaking his head and slapping his cheeks, causing her to lightly laugh, before turning back to her with serious narrow indigo eyes, "L-look, I'm sorry, okay, I didn't mean… I mean I did, I screwed up, I know you're pissed and never wanna see me again, but just listen when I say I ain't gonna mess with you anymore! I got it!"
"Oh shut up!" she snaps at him annoyed, before sighing, "That isn't what I wanted…"
Cardin perks up, watching her.
She fidgets, going into her bag and finding the book Goodwitch gave her. For a long moment Velvet looks at it, before taking a deep breath and handing it over to him, "Here, read this."
Eyeing her curiously, Cardin takes the book, seeing a rabbit on the front. Immediately he snorts, "Oh, so NOW you give me the manual, huh?"
With a slight blush Velvet just pouts at him, "Oh shush!" then crosses her arms, looking away, "J-just read it…" a frown picks at her lips as her ears twitch, clearly a bit nervous but not about to show it, "Its short, I'll wait…"
He just looks at her confused, but does as he's told.
Velvet eyes him reading, taking in his profile, wondering what he's thinking…
"Man, rabbits are jerks," are the first thing out of Cardin's mouth when he finishes reading. Laughing as he looks at her.
A deeper pout forms on Velvet's lips, clearly he didn't get it! "That wasn't the point!"
"Nah, I got it," Cardin smiles, his voice softening. He looks at her, handing the book back, "Reminds me of you…"
That, and the look, gives Velvet pause. With her hand on the book, the two holding it between each other, all she can do is blink at him, surprised by his words, not getting it.
A smirk spreads on the former-bully's face as he looks at her, "You act all nice, do everything right, like you're supposed to, a good little toy that goes through a lot of shit for assholes like me cause you think that's what's right, huh?" his smirk widens into a grin when she gets frustrated and snatches the book from his hand, "But really, you're just as much of a jerk as the rest of the rabbits, you just don't get to show it off that often, huh?" his smile keeps widening, knowing he's bugging her, "But hey, you do it to me all the time, so go on, you can be a 'Real Rabbit' girl, and be just as much of a jerk like the rest to everyone else too~"
Chocolate eyes glare at him, "You missed the point entirely!" She's frustrated and fumes for a moment… before it hits her that he isn't being serious at all. When she opens her eyes again, seeing that jerkish smirk, it's his eyes that are soft and tell her it's all just a joke. He read the story, he saw what was there, but where it made her think of him, he immediately thought of her… the realization makes her blush, glancing away, folding her arms in a huff, "It's about you becoming a 'Real Rabbit' boy…"
"I can see that," Cardin just leans over, putting his elbows on his knees, "Still made me think of you first…" narrow indigo eyes glanced at the Faunus girl, "This sweet little thing that's smothered in love but held back cause of what you see in yourself…" when he can't bare it any longer he looks away. There was something pure about her, even angry, that he just… wasn't worthy to look at for long, "And jerks like me."
Looking at him, Velvet can't help but feel sympathetic. She sighs, shaking her head, "Cardin…"
"Nah, don't," He clasps his hands in front of him while he stares ahead, "I'm fucked up, I couldn't be a 'real' human, just thought I was cause my old man told me, and here, you're tryin' to help me be a 'real bunny boy'," He drops his head, sighing, "But… I just ain't getting it… I'm not real and I'm not a toy, not anymore…"
"Neither am I," she says softly with a smile, putting her hand on his bicep and gaining his attention, smiling a bit brighter when he actually looks her way, "Cardin… look, a lot… a lots happened, between us…" her hand clinches on his arm as she looks down momentarily, "I'd… after what I said, that I'm sure you heard," when her eyes met his, both were a bit narrow, sore on what was said and overheard, "I get you don't want to talk to me again but…" damn she really hated that but…
"Never said that," she can feel the boy tense as he looks away, trying to hold it all in, "Just figured you wouldn't want to… after all, I'm just a jerk and an idiot, right?"
Velvet swallowed her first response, tightening her lips and looking down, allowing a silence between them.
Then she saw the book and had the perfect response.
"Rabbits are jerks…"
That caught Cardin's attention as he turned to look at her with a raised brow.
She was pouting, and possibly blushing, while looking at the book.
"Heh," he couldn't help but grin, "Guess I'm a real bunny boy after all…"
And with that soft confession he felt something he hadn't since that day she found him in the forest with a stubbed tail.
Velvet Scarlatina leaned over and kissed Cardin Winchester on the cheek.
It was like a weight had been thrown off his heart.
… for all of two seconds before the two realized what was happening and how public the bench was.
"S-sorry!" "M-my bad…"
The two forcefully looked away, blushes lighting up their faces.
Not that it stopped the two from smiling, and not bother to move their hands that were touching over that stupid book.
"Are we…" Cardin was the first to speak, scratching his head, looking away embarrassed and scared beyond all reason about the answer to what he was about to ask, "Are we… friends?"
Before he got any other response, he felt Velvet's slim fingers wrap with his, dragging his attention to their hands interlocked on that dumb rabbit book. When he look up he saw Velvet fidgeting. She looked about to explode from the color on her face.
"I…" her voice cracked and she had to shake her head to get the words out, "I think… I think I can… handle… that…"
Cardin's hand felt sweaty and he was embarrassed for it, and this situation. It was way too heavy for the subject matter but he was too damned elated to pay that much mind. Though he was still embarrassed about the sweaty palm.
Too bad the second he tried to remove his hand Velvet gripped tighter and while she didn't say anything or look his way, he was just going to let her have it.
They were friends after all.
The next day Team CRDL was in the showers.
Russel, Dove and Sky were used to using the communal showers. Cardin had for some reason effectively banned them from the bathroom in their room, claiming since he was the leader it was his right to have the bathroom all to himself.
The guys didn't mind, it meant one less thing they had to worry about. Sure the communal showers were… well they were community showers at a Hunter Academy, there were some inconveniences but it worked. So long as their stuff didn't get stolen and they were stuck streaking back to their room alls well that ends well, right?
Plus it was nice, thanks to their infamy, that most people avoided taking showers when Team CRDL were there, so they mostly got the whole place to themselves.
Mostly…
Sky was scrubbing his head, Dover was using a luffa on his back, and Russel was gurgling when they all heard the distinct sounds of the heavy shower door opening and closing.
Normally others wouldn't bother them, so the three couldn't help but look and see who it was that was brave enough to get in the showers with Team CRDL.
What they were not expecting was to see Cardin, stone faced with his towel and toiletries wrapped up under his arm and walking bare naked to the shower at the end…
Now, under normal circumstances it was completely against the bro-code to stare at another dude naked while he was walking to his shower…
But this was Cardin. He NEVER came to the communal showers.
And as he passed his teammates going to the one at the end, on the other side of Russel and deliberately ignoring as they all stared at him, it was perfectly understandable why…
"Dude?! Your back?!"
"What the FUCK?! Is that a TAIL?!"
Cardin ignored as Sky and Dover overall freaked out a bit, he'd let them say their bit for a second before beating their asses.
Though it bothered him that he hadn't heard anything from his partner.
Cracking open eye, he looked down at the shorter mohawked man, wondering why he didn't say anything…
Russel wasn't looking at his back… he was looking at his front.
A blush ran up Cardin's face so face he thought he might have an aneurism as he put his hands in front of himself, "Dude! Don't look!"
Russel just laughed, going back to what he was doing, "Sorry man, just… kinda impressed…"
Narrow indigo eyes glared, turning back to his shower, "Dude, don't be gay…" he was going to ignore the embarrassed blush on his face.
The snickering to his right increased, "Sorry man, just born this way…"
The shower was silent for a moment.
"Oh my god! SERIOUSLY Russel!"
"Man! Don't be looking at me!"
Again, Sky and Dove being the vocal reactionary voices they were.
Russel just snorted dismissively, "Why would I want to…"
There was more complaining from the D and L of CRDL, more annoyed now that they were apparently not 'good enough' to get a glance while Russel just shrugged, laughing and ignoring them.
Cardin just stared at his partner. He hadn't known that about him and he hadn't so much as batted an eye at his tail like the other two.
A small smirk pulled at the once-bully's face.
Maybe this is what it felt like to just not care about the things that didn't matter in the end. His team, other than their initial reactions, weren't saying anything else, weren't even acting any differently towards him.
Did it really not matter?
Either way, he needed to get this out.
"I'm a rabbit Faunus."
"I'm gay…"
"I like playing Hunters and Hideouts…"
"Dude, that's not the same!"
Russel laughed, Dove tried to defend himself and Sky was just confused.
But Cardin had said it, now he just had to live with it.
He smiled, wondering what Velvet would say about his progress.
-Guess she really did make a Bunny Boy out of me, heh…-
A/N: tweaking took... longer than anticipated...
BUT HERE IT IS! :D
for all intents and purposes this is the end of Hate. i'm so proud of this story, and thank you to everyone that has stuck to it and enjoyed it! as i mentioned, my original intention was to have this pendulum swing back up to Love, but i don't really trust myself to do that any time soon... if my feelings for RWBY change, or just my general love for this story, i'll likely post it as a sequel, we'll see~ (i've got a hundred days of writing to fill out! so maybe! :D) but like i said, this is it for now...
thank you all for the support those that have been reading since i originally posted and reviewing and faving. you guys are great and really are the reason this story even expanded beyond a one shot :3
i'd love to hear what you all think~ comments, questions, opposing views?
till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!
-Ikasury