Lost my Mind Along the Way

The story takes place after Season 11 Episode 9 titled "O' Brother Where Art Thou".

I know beggars can't be choosers but I'm a little annoyed that the Cage Sam was tortured in is literally a Cage – am I the only one that feels this way? Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story!

.

Sam's eyes roved around the cage, his body tense. As Lucifer stared at him intensely, his mind buzzed with panic as his own voice repeated within his head, 'This couldn't be happening!''. Yet again he was trapped within the confines of a 13 by 13 foot cage with the last being on Earth (Hell) Sam wanted to be trapped with. Yet again Sam had been deceived (and convinced himself) into thinking that doing the worst thing possible was all for the greater good. 'What in the Hell was wrong with him?' It was like no matter how many times he ran away and denied the darker side of himself, he always found himself being pulled right towards it like a friggin' Boomerang. Maybe he had well and truly lost his marbles; dropped them along the way somewhere in the past when he was (maybe a little bit more?) sane and…. Maybe there was a lesson in all this. Maybe he was just one of God's experiments; a human doomed with a life of negativity and Demon blood floating around in his veins with the will of wanting to make something good of it. 'Could it be done?' Sam believed that he'd tried everything, but fate just kept dealing him a shitty hand.

As his eyes landed back onto Lucifer, he watched his lips stretch into a wide smile without the positive emotions that comes with such an expression. Sam's heart was starting to really pound. He knew the look and what it meant; the heavy silence, the eyes that remained emotionless; dead and shark-like, watching, analysing Sam, thinking of another elaborately painful way to expose his victim.

God wasn't there, was never with him to begin with (and wasn't that a huge stab in the stomach and a twist of the knife). Hope poured out from his eyes, hit the ground and disappeared. This was it. He'd come back full circle and this time he was not coming back out; the Serpent's tail had been cut off and his world had come to one final halt. This was to be his true ending – and he never got to say goodbye to his brother.

Sam felt a painful throb in his throat as he remained stock still, afraid to move or speak. He could hear the sound of Crowley's voice – it was muffled like it was coming from underwater – his words weren't distinguished. Crowley shouted at Sam to find a way out – to not say "yes". Sam didn't make a move to show that he'd even heard him. His eyes remained glued to Lucifer's silent form – his silence taunted him, knowing the quiet meant something worse was about to come and watched as the Fallen Angel's eyes began to glow an off red, the never ending smile that had become too thin and too wide, distorting the structure of his face. Sam's breaths hitched as Lucifer stretched open his mouth into a wide oval. A dark mist poured out and floated over towards him. Sam scrabbled to the other side of the cage, trying to get away from the black mass and crouched down low, covering his head with his arms.

"I told you, you were made for me. I will do whatever it takes to get what belongs to me." Sam could hear Lucifer speak in his mind. "God? How pathetic… You really thought He would go out of His way to answer your prayers?" Lucifer's voice was rich with malice. "I was His most favourite and look where I ended up!"

The dark mist surrounded him. Sam could feel it cold and biting on his skin and as he struggled to keep it from him getting into his face, Lucifer spoke an ancient Enochian word, sharp and piercing into Sam's mind. He could feel the muscles in his body move without his control and tried in vein to fight the uncontrollable urge. With a flick of Lucifer's wrist the mist ambushed Sam and it poured into his eyes and nose. Then suddenly an explosive sensation of pain burst behind his eyes and abruptly he became overwhelmed with the memories of his time in the Cage. Memories of Sam, Adam and the Arch-Angels trapped together, forced to experience every pain, every emotion and having to witness the worst possible things happen to his half-brother. All the memories of every Hell hour spent in the Cage he could feel every sensation as though he was literally there. His body had a mantra of its own 'pain, pain, pain…' with the sense of deep humiliation. At last, like a flick of a switch the pain stopped, but his senses were still ringing with phantom memory. Sam felt small tremors in his body as he laid out on his side on the cold ground from the attack. His breathing was shallow and he felt a little disassociated. Trying to sit up on trembling limbs, he looked around disorientated. He could see Crowley banging against an invisible wall and turning behind to shout at his mother. No sound could be heard from them. Then Sam looked over to his torturer. Lucifer slowly glided over towards Sam's body as he tried to sit up with his back resting on the bars of the cage. Lucifer breathed in deep and let out an exasperated sigh.

"You know, this could be all over in an instant. All you need to do is say the magic word."

Sam shook his head jerkily from side to side. "No." Sam replied hoarsely. He could taste iron on the back of his tongue; knows that he'd been screaming.

"Fine." Lucifer's left eye twitched, uttered the same Enochian word from before and Sam was trapped in his memories again. Somewhere beyond the pain he heard the memory of Michael's voice trying to pray his way out of the Cage. God never answered. He was worse when he prayed because the thought that God had abandoned him hurt deeply.

Michael's faith in their Father angered Lucifer. When they fought, Sam tried to protect Adam. At times like then the Cage would become too bright to see and the heat of it burned right through their skin. Sam would do his best to cover Adam but the heat was so intense his skin, muscle and bone burned away to ash until he was no more, then he would come back sitting in the same position to find that the light hadn't gone and the heavenly brothers were still raging and so he'd repeatedly burn and come back.

After the fifth time dying in the heat of Lucifer and Michael's light, Sam awoke back in the present within the summoning cage with Lucifer staring him down. Sam was back to laying on the floor again but his tremors were so much worse that it hurt his bones when trying to control them.

Sam felt disorientated but he knew where he was. 'Still here then.' He thought, disappointed. Staring straight into Lucifer's eyes he replied with only a mime "No." He watched as Lucifer's features turned ugly whilst grinding his teeth. An ancient word was once again spoken and Sam found himself back under.

.

During this time, Crowley bashed away at the invisible barrier that appeared between him and the cage. He could tell that Sam was doing all he could to defy Lucifer but Sam could only hold on for so long before he forgot himself and the purpose of why he was there to begin with. Crowley couldn't let Sam become possessed by Lucifer; it would destroy everything it took for him to build a new and improved Hell and the Earth would be destroyed.

He turned to his mother as she read the Book of the Damned which sat on a high molten rock as she searched its pages to find a way to weaken Lucifer and the barrier somewhat, only a little, enough for Crowley to get through. Rowena flicked through the book's ancient pages and the printed translations. She could tell that her demonic son was becoming evermore impatient and even though she enjoyed the darker things in life she didn't want to be thrown into Hell's fiery pit.

Crowley paced around the cage trying to find a crack - any weakness in the barrier but it there was none to be found. Rowena called out to him.

"Sweet Fergus, have you found a way through the barrier yet?" She asked Crowley with her hooded eyes and thick Scottish brawl. Crowley rolled his eyes.

"Well of course not otherwise we wouldn't still be here!"

She tutted.

"Alright, alright calm down. I just wanted to know how my wee boy was doin', seein' as I've found us a weakening spell."

Crowley spun round and suddenly appeared beside his mother and peered at the pages. Rowena placed a crimson clawed nail at a specific page and explained to him what the spell would do. As Rowena elaborated, Crowley nodded, half listening and half trying to remember any weaknesses Angel's may have apart from their silver stakes made from Grace.

"…, so with this spell, all we need to figure out is a way through that barrier, otherwise it'll be absolutely useless."

Crowley thought back to all the times he and the Winchester brothers encountered unruly Angel's (even Castiel) and what was done to entrap them. He went through the motions of memory and then remembered.

"That's it! Holy Oil traps Angels. I know the boys have some, I just need to pour a load around the barrier and I think it could diminish its strength. You can do the Weakening spell, I get Sam out of the cage and then you can send Lucifer back to his bloody Cage where he belongs." Although Crowley looked pleased with himself, Rowena didn't appear to be happy about it at all. Cutting her eyes, she turned her back towards the King and sighed.

"Okay. Well, I'm going to need ingredients."

Crowley smiled and half bowed to one side. "What do you need?"

.

"So, what's it going to be Sam? Want to continue with this charade, hmm?" Lucifer taunted as he relinquished his mental torture on Sam. Sam stared at the ground; he could barely keep his eyes open. He was starting to not know which side of death was reality. Inside he felt piercing cold.

"Just give it up. Say Yes." Lucifer pressed, frustration tinting his voice. Sam knew he was going to up the anti. But he wouldn't give in. He couldn't, the world depended on it.

"N. No." Sam managed to gurgle out. Blood poured out of his mouth and puff of black mist swirled out with it. "I, I won't l-l-let you in." Sam huffed out with all the vocal strength he could muster.

"Stop being so selfish! This isn't about you and me anymore; it's about putting dear old Auntie Amara back where she belongs! You know I'm the only one that can make that happen!"

Sam shook his head, staring at the ground. He slowly peeked a look at Lucifer through his bangs. He cleared his throat. "I know she did this to you – turned you. Corrupted you." He rasped. Lucifer rolled his tongue across his teeth.

"I was the only one that was willing to step up to the plate to do what needed to be done. I was willing to take the burden of her Mark to send her away."

Sam closed his eyes, breathing steadily. "It must have been difficult. If-if you could go back, would you still have made the same sacrifice?"

Lucifer tilted his head to one side and tapped his hands pressed together as if in prayer on his pursed lips. "Good question".

As Sam sat there with his back pressed bruise hard against the bars of the cage Sam realised something. Throughout the whole torturous ordeal, Lucifer hadn't laid a single hand on him. Something about that didn't make any sense. It seemed as though he was purposely avoiding physical contact. Something like hope burst within Sam's chest as he noticed a weakness from his antagonist.Although he could barely think straight, one thing was clear - Sam had had enough of this bullshit. He needed to find a way out of the cage.

Lucifer was calm and deep in thought, so he would use that to his advantage. Turning to the side, Sam held onto the bars and struggled to pull upwards to stand on his feet. He could see Crowley and Rowena preparing something in a bowl. Crowley nicked his finger on a sharp knife and dropped a few droplets of blood into the mixture. Sam wondered if they were trying to get him out. He hoped so.

Seeing Crowley and Rowena, it reminded Sam of why he was there in Hell. 'Yet again doing something drastic to save the world from my mess'.

Lucifer hovered behind him from the other side of the cage like a dark shadow. Maybe he was giving him some breathing space to think; to be convinced that possession was the best route. He continued to watch as Rowena chanted into her bowl and Crowley walk around the cage pouring a liquid from a red clay pot. Sam turned around to face Lucifer. There had to be a God in all this. Maybe he just needed to believe more. Sam shuffled forward across the cage closer to Lucifer. 'Did I see right?' Lucifer seemed to have moved further away from him. Sam walked closer until he was an arms length away from him.

"How did you defeat Amara?"

…

Dean watched a little stunned as the world continued on around him as he stood in the Park back from being transported by Amara from the lake. It was a beautiful sunny day and people walked around and chatted, going on with their business as though Dean hadn't just disappeared and reappeared like a magician. He could smell the hotdog's wafting towards his nose from the Hotdog Stand behind him. Dean may have wanted one before, but whatever hunger he had was now gone.

Mind in a haze, his feet automatically took him away from the green and towards his car parked on a busy road. Although his thoughts weren't with him his body already knew what he needed; 'Baby'.

…

Sam felt much better standing up but the little energy he had had him lilting slowly and so he rested his left side on the bars of the cage. The situation had changed and Sam was the one watching, waiting for answers. Lucifer took a couple of slow steps backwards and turned away from him.

"I wasn't alone, but I took on the brunt of most of her power."

Sam frowned, eyebrow muscles pressing hard against another as he thought about what Lucifer had said.

"This is personal, isn't it?"

Lucifer spoke on as if he hadn't stopped. "I had her Mark and my sword that was specially made to defeat her." He turned back to face Sam and snarled. "You think you know what sacrifice is, but you don't - what I did was for the creation of God's universe! You haven't had to spend as much time as I have down here just for doing what was right!

Lucifer's chest was heaving with emotion. "I'll admit, Amara's taint; her Mark got to me a little. But it only magnified the thoughts that I already for Father. He's a self serving, judgmental arsehole and I wasn't afraid to tell him to his face!"

"Well, Dean would tell you there's no difference between you and God."

"Dean would say the same about you and John too. I had an excuse for what I did. What's God's reason for doing the messed up things that he does?"

Sam, looked away, then remembered a mention of a special sword.

"Hey, this sword of yours, do you know where it is? Is it possible for me to use it against her?"

Lucifer smiled that painful smile again. "I'm not sure where it ended up, but I know that only you would be able to use it. Whatever belongs to me, belongs to you – even here. You could reign over Hell and all its gory inhabitants if you wanted to. Why do you think Crowley continues to let you live?" Lucifer raised a questioning brow, tilting his head to one side.

"Remember, you're still the Boy King. That will never change – it's just all up to you whether you take the throne or not."

Sam couldn't believe what he was hearing. It couldn't be true. He thought all that was over and done with years ago. 'Apparently not'. Sam shook his head in denial. "You didn't need the feather to fly…"

"You're just trying to mess with my head. You're not. Whatever you say, I'm not going to say the word."

"Come on Sam, when have I ever lied to you, hmm?" Lucifer replied with mock empathy. "I was just starting to have confidence in you – it takes a lot for me to talk about my feelings. Don't you want to get to know the real me?"

"Whatever!" Sam shouted and pointed a finger at Lucifer. "Look, I've had enough of this. You either torture the life out of me or you let me go 'cause I'm not gonna say the word you wanna hear!"

Lucifer screwed his lips and his eyes hardened. He kissed his teeth and crossed his arms while slowly leaning forward.

"You know what your problem is? You like to throw the truth around in everyone else's face but you can't take your own." Sam's shoulder tensed as he looked down. "The boy that always ran away", Lucifer sang with a nasty smirk. "Not so good when the truth catches up with you, is it?"

.

Crowley paced back and forth, anxious for his mother to hurry up and finish the spell.

"Bloody Hell, how long is it going to take to finish?"

Rowena let out a slow sigh and closed her eyes tightly. "Calm down. I'm almost done."

Crowley was incredulous. "Almost done? Almost done? You said that fifteen minutes Earth time ago!"

"Be quiet and bring me the Goat Fergus." Crowley tutted and motioned with his hand and a chained black male Goat bleated as it was forced to move at an unnatural pace.

Rowena placed a large gold bowl on the ground before the Goat, wrapped her clawed fingers around one of its horns, tilted its head back and sliced its throat. Crowley with his power stopped it from jerking and getting away but he didn't muffle the screams. Blood poured out uncontrollably with a loud spraying noise.

As soon as the bowl was filled, Rowena dumped the stiff Goat aside, picked up the bowl and muttered a few words in Latin then poured the bloody contents into the Spell bowl. Stirring, a dark matter bubbled out from the spell's contents. Crowley watched the cage intently as he clicked his finger and thumb together creating a flame and placed it on the Holy Oil that had been poured around the barrier.

.

Sam wasn't going to say "yes", but he knew without a doubt that he was going to get of the cage somehow. In his peripheral, he could see Crowley and Rowena working their magic. Sam would take the character assassinations, the taunts and the daggers of truth – he'll gladly play his game because Sam was going to rinse every ounce of information out the unholy abomination like he had set out to do. The more knowledge he had to defeat the Darkness the better.

"About this sword, how does it work – does it actually kill her?"

"I know what you're doing Sammy. I like how your mind works. Okay, I'll play along." Lucifer mocked. "It doesn't kill her per se, but it does maim her – you stab her and the sword drives through not only the body, but also through her soul- well, whatever makes her her".

Sam nodded, soaking it all in.

"You mentioned taking on her Mark. Why did you?"

Lucifer rolled his eyes upwards thoughtfully. "I took on the Mark because, well it's complicated. To defeat her you need to know her, be a part of her - become one. I am the Light to her Dark - only light can put the dark at bay. So I'd say… to know the Light is to know the Dark and to destroy the Darkness is to know it and defeat it with knowledge of Light and Dark."

Sam frowned. Lucifer grinned. "Yeah I know, bit of a mind twister but I'm sure you get it."

"Where were Michael and the other Angels in all this?"

"They helped with turning on the lights."

Sam nodded. "What about God?"

"He watched". Lucifer replied curtly.

Sam sighed deeply. As he exhaled he yelped in alarm as a wall of flames suddenly appeared around the cage.

Lucifer stepped away to stand right in the middle of the cage. "Holy Oil? Really, how cliché".

…

Dean arriving at the Bunker and not finding his brother and the old hag there waiting for him was like a huge slap to the face at an unexpected moment. The sensation of nausea clung onto his insides – 'Smiting sickness. Who knew that was a thing?'

He paced back and forth, ringing Crowley and Sam's phone and getting "not in service". The little bitch didn't even have the decency to leave a note. Knowing exactly where his little brother had gone off to aggravated Dean's already fragile nerves. He was going to drag his brother back topside kicking and screaming if he had to. Sam had gone without him when he promised he'd wait. 'Stubborn little brothers'.

Dean placed his palms together and prayed for Castiel. Dean was going to Hell and he needed backup.

…

"Sam hold on, we're going to get you out of there!" Sam just about heard Crowley's voice shout as the flames distorted his voice. He looked over to Lucifer. He looked really annoyed and yet slightly confused. 'That was knew'.

.

Rowena sliced her left palm with a short dagger, and placed it down on the large molten rock as her makeshift alter then spat into her right palm. Uttering a few words in Latin she smacked both palms together.

.

"Noooo!" Lucifer screamed ferociously. Sam wiped away the sweat from his brow and watched surprised as Lucifer grabbed at his chest. Lucifer could feel a pulling sensation and knew that he was going to be dragged back to the Cage. Above them, Crowley's true form in the shape of a black moving cloud floated over the wall of flaming Holy Oil and bashed away at the cage's lock. The broken lock fell to the ground with a loud "clink" and the door slowly opened.

Lucifer wasn't going back. He couldn't. Realising his mistake in underestimating the lowly Demon and his bitch, he walked forwards with all the strength he could muster and grabbed onto one of Sam's arms.

"Say Yes! Please" Lucifer begged.

"No! Let go of me!" Sam yelled as he pulled on Lucifer's gripping hand. Lucifer was pulling him down with his weight.

"I'm not letting you go without something to remember me by!" Suddenly Sam could feel a burning sensation where Lucifer's hand held onto his arm. Sam screamed from the pain and tears poured from his eyes. Then he threw his hand out in front of his face as bright light blazed before him. Finally the weight on his arm was gone and he stumbled backwards from its absence.

Sam remained standing in the cage breathing hard and frantic. His mind hadn't registered yet that he was finally free. Crowley floated back over the flames and disappeared behind it. Sam gripped onto his bicep where Lucifer burned him. His skin felt like it had been carved with a hot knife. The tremors came back and vague thought sloshed in the back of his mind that he was in shock.

Looking around with in a daze he saw the cage door open and he could see that someone was putting the flames out. Taking one step a time he walked over to the open door. The flames now gone Crowley stood before the cage with something that looked like understanding upon his face. Rowena sulked behind as she hugged the Book of the Damned with the translations tucked between its pages. Sam stepped out a little apprehensive, unsure that he really could. He looked to the left of him and saw the molten rock alter from where Rowena once stood to do whatever she did to get him out. 'He was not going to thank her'. The body of a black Goat lay stiffly dead on the ground.

"I'm out?" Sam asked aloud, but was mostly said to himself as confirmation.

Crowley answered him anyway. "Yes Sam, your out. A thank you would be nice." He replied with bite. Sam only nodded.

"Do you have any idea how worried sick I was when Lucifer dragged you in there? I thought I literally would have to face the end of the world again!"

"Yeah." Sam couldn't do full sentences at the moment his mind was still stunned.

"Come on. Let's get out of here. This place is depressing me."

The three of them silently made their way out through the tunnels of Hell back to Crowley's abode.

…

Castiel stood before Dean in the Bunker's Library with concern written all over his face.

"Dean, what happened?"

Dean rubbed absentmindedly at his stomach as he explained to Castiel why he'd prayed for his help. He still felt a little queasy.

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Dean. Lucifer might use you as a way to get to Sam. You know you two lose all reason when either one of you is in danger."

Dean snorted. "What, like right now?"

Castiel smiled sadly. "I believe it would be better if I went alone. I'd have a greater chance of bringing him back without any repercussions."

"No. You can't do this alone and Sam needs me!"

"What Sam needs", Castiel said, as he walked over to Dean and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Is for his brother to not throw himself into the frying pan. No good will come with both of you in danger".

Although it was difficult for Dean to admit it, Castiel was right. Castiel removed his hand from Dean's shoulder and let it fall by his side. Dean turned and then the sound of his ringtone cut through the awkwardness. He instantly reached for it from the desk, not even reading the caller ID as he pressed the green button to answer the call.

"Hey Dean, it's me." Sam breathed through the phone. Dean looked over to Castiel's questioning gaze. Dean dragged a hand down his face in exhaustion.

"Where the hell are you Sam? I thought you ditched me to go traipsing off to Hell."

Sam sighed. "Well I was in Hell. I'm not anymore. I just called to let you know that I'm okay. I'll talk to you about it when I get back. Bye." Sam disconnected the call. Dean took the phone away from his ear, annoyed that he'd just been cut off. 'Bitch'.

Dean pulled out a chair and sat down on it. Placing his phone back on the polished table he turned to look at Castiel.

"Is he alright?"

Dean shook his head slowly. "I don't know."

So what do you think? Any good? Please leave a comment – it'll be much appreciated. Thanks.