Summary: The fake relationship adventures continue when Darcy asks Clint to be her date to a wedding. It's probably a terrible idea but Jane's not available to pretend to be Darcy's lesbian lover so she's out of good ideas. Follows We Are Never Getting Back Together
Pairing: Darcy Lewis/Clint Barton
Rating: General but will probably become mature in later chapters
A/N: This is the second installment of my Trope-tastic adventures. I suggest you read We Are Never Getting Back Together if you haven't already, just to get some context.

On a cold, snowy night, the Avengers could be found in Molly's. It was a nice Irish bar on 3rd Avenue and 23rd Street, that was yet another stop on the Around the World in 80 Days Avengers Food Tour. At this point, Clint was pretty sure they were just trying to hit every place in New York that was worth the time. Although it was a Tuesday night, the bar was still packed. Everyone wanted a warm stew or shepherd's pie to nurse in the premature dust of snow that hit the city in the beginning of November.

Just as a waitress finished cleaning off a tabletop and gave Clint the nod, he slid into the rustic booth from the bar. Following him was Darcy, Jane and Natasha. Darcy was first, slipping in and sitting across from him. Jane sat next to her and Natasha took the spot next to him. From the moment that Darcy slid into the booth, she watched Clint with intent that he couldn't name but still made his heart beat just a little faster. Taking a long sip of his beer, he eyed her back, not entirely sure what to expect. Suddenly, Jane and Natasha's presences felt as if they were there to keep him from leaving. He began to plan a possible escape in his head that didn't involve bringing too much attention to himself. The presence of Natasha made it difficult but he settled for a fake dive under the table to hide a jump over the booth.

"Clint, I need your body," Darcy said in a low, sultry tone. Clint choked on his beer. It spilled across his face, the table and down his shirt. As he coughed, lungs and throat burning, his body tensed with excitement. Wiping away the tears in his eyes and the beer on his face, Clint saw the smirk on Darcy's lips. Shame began to crush him.

He tried to hide the disappointment by fixing Darcy with an unimpressed frown.

"What do you want, Lewis?" asked Clint, swallowing past the lump in his throat. It was just a stupid little crush, he told himself. A tiny, childish crush.

It started months ago, when she was crying and he held her in his arms. The urge to kiss her overwhelmed him and he almost did until she sniffled and he remembered she'd been sobbing only minutes before. He wasn't going to take advantage of her. It was a dick move and Darcy deserved better. She deserved better than Matt, than Clint and any other jerk who didn't see how great she was.

Because she was more than good enough. She was one hell of a catch. She just wasn't Clint's catch. Besides, after leaving such a long and tough relationship, Darcy needed some time for herself, to heal. It wouldn't do her any good to jump straight into another one, or even just another bed. But it didn't stop his heart from beating faster when he saw her or the rush of euphoria that filled him when she laughed at one of his stupid jokes.

"I sort of need a favor," admitted Darcy, a little sheepish over her joke.

"What kind of favor?"

"Remember when you pretended to be my boyfriend?" Darcy asked nonchalantly. Clint leaned back on the booth and crossed his arms. He was concerned Matt had started begging for favors again. They'd have to have a talk.

"Is Matt giving you trouble?" asked Clint, grunting somewhat in disapproval. Maybe he'd read the skinny fucker wrong and Jane was completely right. Darcy let out a sigh.

"No. Yes...no. Well..."

"Darcy needs you to be her date for a wedding," Jane explained. Clint raised his brow, genuinely surprised and a little pleased Darcy wanted his support.

"Matt invited us to his wedding?"

"No, my cousin did. It's this weekend in Phoenix. Jane was gonna be my plus one and pretend to be my lesbian lover, but she got a last minute invite to some stupid conference in Aspen," Darcy dismissed, causing Jane to pout.

"They invited me to talk about my research and Stephen Hawking is going to be there," Jane explained but Darcy just rolled her eyes.

"Yeah well, the wedding's gonna have like, two different types of fondue fountains. So, your loss."

"Two you say?" Clint pursed his lips, not at all ashamed that it was weighing heavily on the pro-side. Watching his internal debate made Natasha roll her eyes.

"I have to admit I'm a little bit disappointed," Jane said, stony faced. "I had a back story with a really touching coming out. In it, I nurse my grandmother back to health and I save a bus of orphans."

Clint wasn't sure whether or not he should laugh. No one else at the table was but at this point, they liked to play up Jane's dry sense of humor. It always surprised Clint whenever Jane offered a deadpan joke because sometimes, he wasn't sure if she was simply telling the truth. Normally, Thor was around to bark out a laugh and he'd take the social cue but right now, the big guy was busy chugging back a few beers at the bar. So, Clint looked to Natasha. There was a minute tug on the left side of her mouth. That was pretty much the equivalent of a normal person failing to hide a belly laugh.

"I would go but need to know business this weekend," Natasha said ominously before Clint could get in a snicker.

"Oh, so I'm your third choice?" scoffed Clint, a little hurt but he covered it with sarcasm. Darcy had the decency to look abashed. At least he was the first guy she thought of.

"You're actually the fifth," Jane said. "We were considering Steve but he's going on vacation to Europe. Which I think actually means he's going to slum it in Eastern Europe for information about his dead-not dead friend. And Sam's joining him."

"Is this supposed to make me want to go? I think I'd rather slum it with Steve and Sam," huffed Clint.

"C'mon! It'll be fun. Free food and booze. The hotel and the ticket's already paid for. And…besides my family all think we're dating anyway," winced Darcy.

"How do they know about me?" Clint's brow furrowed in confusion. Had Darcy been talking about him to her folks? He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. He hoped it was good.

"Well…Matt kind of told his mom that I was seeing someone else. Some hotshot government guy who protects the president," Darcy rolled her eyes and wildly waved her hands dismissively, which was kind of endearing, almost completely distracting Clint from the rest of what she was saying. "Then his mom called Doreen's mom, and she's such a total blab and told all the women in her book club-"

"Okay, I get it, small town, phone tree, everyone knows," interrupted Clint even though he kind of wanted to see Darcy work herself up into a self-righteous tizzy. It always made her nose wrinkle in bitterness and was completely adorable. He hated himself for thinking that.

"Anyway, my mom called me and made me tell her everything."

"Which was actually nothing," clarified Clint and he thought there was a bit of disappointment on Darcy's face at the comment.

"She was so excited for me, I didn't have the heart to tell her the truth."

"Also her cousin's a bridezilla and has been bragging that she's getting married before Darcy," explained Jane, making Darcy's cheeks flush.

"Yeah, Natasha may be a better option if that's the case. She'll make even the bride jealous of you," said Clint, feeling very close to saying yes with how sad Darcy was looking now. He briefly registered Jane complaining about her own amazing lesbian credentials.

To be honest, he wasn't sure if it was a good idea for him to pretend to be her boyfriend for so long. He actually genuinely liked Darcy and while nothing was going to happen with them anyway, he didn't want a better preview of what he was missing. Either way, it was bound to bite him in the ass. But then Darcy frowned and pinned him with her best watery-eyed stare.

"Please? Two different types of fondue. You don't even have to be a good boyfriend. I'll tell my parents that we broke up right after, I promise," pouted Darcy.

"I don't know..." Clint began, looked past Darcy and towards the entrance. If he kept staring at her, he was going to break. Just as he pulled together the strength to give her a definitive no, a couple walked into the bar, bringing with them a flurry of wind and snow. Darcy followed his line of sight.

"You know, it reached 70 degrees in Phoenix today. And the hotel we're staying at has four pools," sang Darcy. The image of Darcy sunbathing in a bikini flashed through his mind. Clint sat up. Proving that his flesh was definitely weaker than the spirit (or maybe his spirit was just as willing as his flesh, he wasn't sure), Clint sighed and gave in.

When Darcy gave him a thousand thanks and promised many favors in return, all he cared about was the hug she gave him from across the table. Hell, if he was never going to be Darcy's actual boyfriend, then at least he was getting one weekend of pretend.

As Clint watched the taxi holding Darcy, Jane and Thor drive off, Natasha approached him. He ignored her and tried to hail another cab. When three full cabs passed by, he gave up.

"So, you gonna go for it this weekend?" asked Natasha. Clint raised an eyebrow and she raised one right back.

"Go for what? Fondue? Sunbathing? You know the answer is yes to both."

"And you know what I'm talking about," said Natasha, a little exasperated. As much training as she had, Natasha was really impatient when it came to waiting for others to get on the same plane of deducing. Clint knew what she was hinting at but he wasn't going to admit it.

"I don't."

"Clint, I'm not going to repeat myself so you're on your own when you fuck up," began Natasha but Clint cut her off.

"Aren't I always on my own when I fuck up?" shrugged Clint.

"She likes you. Go for it and don't screw it up," Natasha finished, raising her arm for a taxi and one pulled up right in front of them. Clint cursed Natasha's luck and then her, when she shut the door in his face, telling him to find his own ride if he wouldn't stop being such a tupitsa. That left Clint alone, cold and wondering if Natasha somehow orchestrated more than she was letting on. After two more cabs passed him, Clint gave up and began to walk towards a subway station. Pulling up his collar and digging his hands into his pockets, he mulled over Natasha's advice. Darcy fond of him like he was a weird, slow cousin. At least, that's what he assumed. Had she and Natasha been talking or was Natasha just playing an elaborate game? Deciding that it did matter because Darcy needed a friend this weekend (a friend that was pretending to bump uglies with her but that was neither here nor there at his point), Clint sighed and tried to push out of his head the way Darcy had looked at him when she'd first sat across from him.