November 1, 1981

It is most definitely the worst day of his life.

He blames himself for not noticing it in Sirius earlier. As his friends had started to settle into their lives and even, dare he say it, become happy, he had become reclusive, and, while he hoped none of them had noticed, he could not deny how Sirius had begun to look at him after Marlene died in August. The life of a werewolf was a lonely one, and while he knew that, he could not deny how James, Sirius, and Peter had begun to make him think otherwise.

But then James and Lily had married, and only a few days later Lily discovered she was pregnant. James had come out for full moons less and less.

And that was when Sirius and Marlene had started to get serious. Well, they were already pretty serious, but things changed. They moved in together, which had surprised everyone. They'd said it would simply be easier on everyone if they were always in the same place. Sirius was always present at full moons. At least, he was until June of this year, when suddenly Sirius had become overprotective of her. Marlene he'd never seen look scared before, but before every battle, every mission, every Order meeting she looked terrified. She always looked like there were words on the tip of her tongue that she couldn't say. The two couldn't keep their hands off each other, especially Marlene, who looked like she wanted to jump Sirius every time he entered a room.

Sirius missed his first full moon.

And in August, after Marlene had died, at her funeral, Lily had gotten Sirius to tearfully admit that Marlene had been pregnant, with twins, and apparently they'd all missed her growing baby bump- except maybe Lily, who had known as long as Sirius had, if not longer, and all that summer's strange behavior had started to add up.

Sirius missed another full moon.

It was nauseating to think about now. There was no way Sirius would become a spy for Voldemort after he had killed Marlene and their children, which meant that he must have sold her and her family out. It would make sense as to why they didn't announce the pregnancy, and why Sirius hadn't gone with her to her parents' house the night they were all killed.

And Peter, too, had started to seem happy. Peter had always had his eye on Emmeline Vance, and they'd gotten together in the spring after Marlene had literally pushed their heads together at a nobody-died-this-time party Dorcas had hosted. He'd started to miss full moons, too, and then he'd disappeared all together. His father was very sick with cancer, the same thing that had killed Lily's father, so Remus had understood.

But now, now it was 10:46 at night on November first. James and Lily had been dead for over twenty-four hours, because Sirius, their Secret-Keeper, had betrayed them to Lord Voldemort. Remus had learned that afternoon that Sirius had been taken to Azkaban without trial for killing twelve Muggles and Peter in an explosion, and for being a Death Eater. The most they could find of Peter was his finger.

Remus had sat numb for over an hour, wondering how the hell this had all happened. Sirius had left his family, for God's sake, for not believing in pureblood ideology. And the fact that Peter thought he could take on Sirius made him uneasy. Peter is- was- a good wizard, but Sirius was better, and they'd all known it. Even angry, Remus didn't think Peter would have ever done that, and most definitely not without consulting Remus first.

None of it makes sense in his head, yet at the same time, it does.

At least he knows Harry is safe, as Dumbledore had told him in a letter that he had received earlier. As much as he wishes he could, he knows that he cannot look after Harry, not with his condition and economic state, as he knows that money from the Potters, which he'd always hated taking, is no longer an option. His mother had died in a car crash in January and while he knows he probably should live with his father just to have someone check in on Lyall, he can't. His parents had sacrificed much for him for six years, and he refused to let them do it any longer.

And so he goes to sleep that night with a thousand thoughts swirling in his mind, counting down the days to the next full moon (Ten) on his calendar. It will be the first one where he knows that no one's coming, and it makes him feel like a First Year again.

He falls into a restless sleep full of Dark Marks and laughing, smiling faces on the Hogwarts grounds.

Lily, her red hair flying behind her in the wind, laughing at James as he tries to catch the Snitch he'd stolen from the Quidditch supplies.

James, a blush on his cheeks at Lily's laughter, his hand finally capturing the Snitch and holding it up in victory before proceeding to snog his girlfriend.

Peter, tearing a piece of parchment off the scroll before proceeding to ball it up and throw it at the back of James's head, telling them to get a bloody room, and preferably not their dorm, because Peter was not in the mood to do washing.

Sirius, beside him, flat on his back, snoring loudly, as he'd fallen asleep on the grass after a long night polishing trophies for Filch.

Marlene, straddling him as she draws on every inch of his exposed skin with a quill, her way too long blonde hair almost smacking Remus in the face when the wind picks up again.

And little Harry, on his first birthday, riding around on the toy broom Sirius had bought him with chocolate cake and Gryffindor red frosting covering his face.

When he wakes up a half hour later to go to the bathroom, he's not too surprised to find his face very, very wet.

A/N: This is really just to gauge interest. This would be updated sporadically, but I promise it would be finished, and it would cover Remus through the month of November.