I do not own Lab Rats
He really doesn't understand.
He doesn't get why they have to torture him.
He knows he's not the coolest, or the most fun, but he isn't worthless.
He isn't a waste of space.
At least, he hopes he isn't.
He hopes that somewhere, deep down, that they care about him.
He hopes that they know that they hurt him.
With words.
With punches.
With stabs to the heart.
Every time Adam punches him.
Every time Bree tells him she doesn't love him.
Every time he is reminded by Leo that he ruins everything.
Every time Donald ditches him or overshadows him.
Every time Douglas reminds him of how much he's messed up.
It hurts.
It's the kind of pain that you can't escape.
It's the kind of pain that dulls your senses.
Blurs your vision.
Lessens your hearing.
But it only seems to intensify the pain.
He won't tell anyone this, but he debated leaving with Douglas after the avalanche.
Because for once, someone noticed him.
Someone cared about him.
But it was all a lie.
He was being used.
For his bionic side.
Because who would want his human side?
No one would want him.
And he's accepted it.
Do you want to know why he befriended Sebastian?
Because it was all he had.
Sebastian seemed like he cared.
Even if it wasn't genuine.
At least he had someone to call a friend.
He was desperate for a friend.
Because his family had already ridden him off.
They didn't care anymore.
He wonders if they ever would.
He doesn't think so.
Because as much as they don't love him,
He loves them with all of his heart.
They're his family.
And family means something to him,
even if it doesn't to them.
Family means love and support.
Family is unconditional and never-ending.
Family is not hatred and unfeeling.
Family is not short and breakable.
Family doesn't treat family this way.
He feels invisible.
Maybe he is.
He isn't sure.
All he wants is to feel loved, and he feels anything but.
The first time Adam told him he loved him was when he almost died.
It took him a near-death experience to feel love.
He wonders what would happen if he did die.
Would anyone even notice?
Would anyone even care?
No, they wouldn't.
They wouldn't acknowledge it, just like they don't acknowledge his existence.
He's crying now.
Sobbing actually.
Because it's too much to take.
For anyone.
Knowing you can't even be seen.
Knowing no one is ever going to love you.
Feeling the impending sense of doom.
Sometimes, he takes the risky jobs just to see if anyone will tell him not to.
He faces life or death to see if someone will care.
They never do.
It's almost expected of him to risk his life.
They encourage it even.
They tell him no one would miss him.
No one would care if he died.
It's things like this that make his heart break.
It's as if they almost wished he was dead.
He can't deny it anymore.
He wishes he was too.
He holds it together in hope.
In the hope that someone will notice.
But he can't pretend anymore.
He can't pretend that he's loved.
This is the point he's never reached.
What he's never come to.
Life or death.
He's never debated living before.
But thinking about it now, it's not a one-sided argument.
Because life is about facing death.
And death is about reflecting on life.
He wonders what he'll feel when he dies.
Regret?
Pain?
He thinks he'll feel the same as he does now.
Empty.
And he's terrified.
Because he wants to feel something.
Anything but Emptiness.
He doesn't want to feel like he does now.
Ever again.
It's so dark.
The blackness is consuming him.
He's not in control anymore.
The darkness is.
He's breaking down.
Screaming.
Sobbing.
Shaking.
He's on the floor now.
Rocking back and forth.
Trying to ease the pain.
Ease the pain that he knows that will never disappear.
Bree finds him.
And she walks away.
And it makes it clear.
He should just give up.
He cries some more.
Cries for the loss of hope.
But he feels something.
Not internally.
Not emotionally.
But physically.
Someone is holding him.
Hugging him.
Someone with long, muscular arms.
Adam.
But, why?
Why is he pitying me?
He looks up, tears still clouding his vision.
And Bree is there.
And Leo.
And Donald.
And Douglas.
All of them.
They're staring at him with wide eyes.
And suddenly, he can't breath.
It's not that he doesn't want to.
It's the fact that his lungs won't work anymore.
Because he's terrified of them leaving.
He decides that he doesn't want them to.
The lack of oxygen is getting to him now.
He can't go on like this.
He's fading fast.
He can't see anything anymore.
But he feels a warm hand on his shoulder and a voice saying.
"You're ok. It's all going to be okay."
And he smiles.
And let's go.
Succumbs to the darkness.
When he wakes up, he realizes he's not enveloped in blackness anymore.
And he sees the same 5 pairs of eyes staring back at him.
And he reminds himself to breath.
But he doesn't want to look back.
He doesn't want to see the hurt and disappointment.
He doesn't want to see his reflection.
Because he's done with himself.
"Chase"
Oh yeah, that's him.
"Yeah?"
"What Happened."
"I don't know."
He looks up.
Adam is standing in the back, somber and quiet.
Bree has unshed tears glistening in her eyes.
Leo is frowning and taking deep breaths.
Douglas looks sad, and his hand is on Chase's shoulder.
And Donald is holding Chase's other hand, looking straight into his eyes.
There is a silence for a long time.
And the tears threatening to fall make their way down his face.
Donald's grip tightens and the rest of them are broken out of their daze.
"What's wrong?" Donald asks.
"Nothing."
Yeah, nothing more than a lie.
"You're lying." Adam growls.
"No, I'm not. I'm fine."
"Stop lying, Chase!" Adam screams knocking something off the table.
"Adam!" Douglas yells.
"No, he's lying to me!"
Chase stays silent.
"Chase…" Adam pleads. "Please…"
Silence.
"Chase, are you sad?" Bree asks quietly.
He nods slowly.
"All the time?"
He nods again.
"Do you want help?"
He shakes his head no.
"Do you need it?
He pauses, thinking about his situation.
And he nods.
For as much as he doesn't want it, he knows he needs it.
"Then we're going to help you. All of us." Leo says.
They all nod.
And he cries.
But not tears of joy.
Tears of happiness.
Because the hope is back again.
And it overtakes that darkness in his mind.
He can feel some sense of love.
And he knows that it's only the first step.
But he's proud that he's made it here.
And he can finally see the possibility in the words,
"You'll be okay."
A/N: So...that was my first Lab Rats fic...let me know what you think. I wrote this because I hate the way they basically ask for Chase to die in half of the episodes and tell him they don't care about him. This will be a one-shot but I hope to write some longer ones in the future...Any ideas? Maybe a sequel? Thanks for reading!