Derek leaned against his bedroom door, fighting the urge to sink to the floor, now that he was out of Stiles's sight. His chest and stomach were fluttering madly. He hadn't wanted anyone like that since...

He closed his eyes as a scene of Jennifer washed over him- gentle yet dominating. She had been totally in control, yet surprisingly soft- giving him the motivation to heal.

His brain switched tracks, recalling bitterly Paige dying in his arms. Then another flash in his mind's eye. Stiles was back.

That night at the hospital. He'd been out cold and in pain- sure he would die. The feeling of being slapped and punched, as Stiles called his name over and over- tone frantic and afraid.

He'd coughed and spluttered, managing to come back to that voice. Stiles had been directly over him- the boy's eyes conveying so much in their fear. It was fear to lose Derek, along with a tenderness he hadn't been able to explain.

Derek had seen love in Stiles's eyes that night- the concern of a lover afraid to lose it all. He had been confused. He was always so mean to Stiles. Did Stiles love him still?

Derek heard himself sigh. He knew the obvious answer to that question, given how Stiles had just practically devoured him with his eyes. This wasn't the only time.

Derek hated himself in that moment, not only because of the surge of feelings he was feeling for a human- another guy, but because he couldn't bring Stiles happiness. He'd get Stiles killed or something...

There in the solitude of his bedroom, leaning against the door, so that no one could see or intrude- Derek Hale let silent tears fall. Love could be cruel!

He heard and felt knocking, but smelled Isaac on the other side of the door.

"One second," he told him.

Derek wiped at his eyes, and checked the mirror to make sure it wasn't obvious he'd been crying.

He fixed that hardened look on his face.

"Come in."

"Hey," Isaac greeted, stepping in and closing the door behind him. "I smelled something funny, like..."

Derek's heart jumped, as his defenses kicked in. Isaac was walking toward him. His back was turned. He felt that hand close on his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Isaac whispered.

"Go away," Derek snapped, refusing to show weakness to his beta.

"Now that's shocking," Isaac laughed somewhat bitterly. "You give me and Stiles all these platitudes of pack being family, but when do you allow us to really be your family? You were crying..."

Derek didn't deny it. He wasn't about to admit to Isaac though that he was pining over Stiles.

"Its nothing," Derek muttered, trying to invent a lie. "Just thinking about..."

"Stiles?" Isaac supplied, shocking him into silence.

Derek's heart hammered madly. How did Isaac know?

"You..." he protested, stopping with wide eyes.

"Come now Derek," Isaac said with a smirk. "The scent you put off around Stiles at times, you'd think the two of you were really going at it, and you wouldn't believe his scent."

"I can smell his scent," Derek pointed out.

"You can't deny it then," Isaac said knowingly, with a playful look. "Stiles loves you..."

Derek sighed and covered his face with his hands in frustration.

"Cinnamon Derek," Isaac went on softly, teasing Derek a little with Stiles's scent. "Not an unpleasant smell is it? I can understand. All the male hormones Stiles puts off..."

"You make it sound like you're attracted to him," Derek pointed out with a smirk.

"Well his smell is attractive, but the fact that he's a guy repulses me. I can't deny his scent is alluring. Cinnamon buns- no! Spicier..."

Isaac laughed dramatically, and Derek scowled slightly.

"I'm not trying to tease Derek," Isaac assured him. "I'm trying to help. Is it just his scent?"

Derek thought about it. No it wasn't just Stiles's cinnamony scent. He wasn't repelled by the hint of male in Stiles's smell- he was further maddened by it. It made the cinnamon spicy and heady- sometimes it was like a drug.

Derek's brain lost control when the pheremones overpowered his werewolf senses. He imagined kissing Stiles, letting that maleness inside of him...

He shuddered at thought of Stiles sliding inside, a thought he as an alpha would normally find repugnant- to submit to another...

There was no doubt Stiles would do it. He might be sensitive and goofy, but everything about him was man. Everything about Stiles's demeanor and his heady scent belied a barely contained fire. Derek had no doubts about who would be receiving...

"Stop that," Isaac said, cutting into his thoughts abruptly.

His beta was frowning at him.

"You look like you're being raped by invisible hands."

Derek blushed five shades of pink, and Isaac had the decency to leave him to himself. He excused himself, closing the door behind him.

Derek inhaled. He had to get it under control. He felt his body shudder involuntarily.

It was too late to put these new images back inside of his brain. He'd given himself up to the fantasy of being taken- dominated like he'd never let anyone dominate him...

Kate had been closest...

He felt a sickening jolt run through him. The thought of her and how she'd played him- used him...

He clung to that like a preserver. He could not let himself go there again...

Derek knew Stiles wasn't that person- but the memory's wiles could be so cruel!

He saw a new image now. He saw that cold, remorseless smirk. He was thinking of the Nogitsune. Now he didn't desire Stiles- he feared him.

What could the Nogitsune do if he let himself become submissive? He tried to tell himself he was being stupid, but his survival instincts had clung to the lie- his last line of defenses against Stiles.

He ended up telling himself that Stiles needed him to be dominant, and to not give into these feelings. If he did...

Derek's mind fed him a horrifying image of Void Stiles smirking at him- driving a knife into his stomach.

He'd be making Stiles emotionally vulnerable if he loved him...

Stiles needed to stay strong.

Derek was resolved now. He'd found his anchor for these feelings. He had to shut Stiles out to save him. That's what he would keep telling himself...