I smiled. It was fake, but the people around me didn't need to know that. The first two had been Laxus and Mira, then Cana and Bacchus, then Levy and Gajeel, then Elfman and Evergreen, and then the rest started falling into place. Hell, even the exceeds started dating, but it wasn't until my own teammates abandoned me to start dating I had started breaking. First, predictably, had been Erza and Jellal. They had been sweet and ever so perfect for each other, and I'd been happy for them, I'd even encouraged them to break away frfom the rest of us to catch up. I had also been happy, if a little surprised, when Juvia and Gray started dating, and I'd been happy for them as well. The third to start dating was Wendy and Romeo, and of course I'd teased them about it, even more so than anyone else.

That day everyone was being all kissy kissy, and I'd been talking to Natsu alone. I had decided that there and then I would confess to him, how much I admired and respected him. How much I fucking loved the man. But then Lissanna came up to him and asked him out, right in front of me. That was the day my heart froze over, the day my smiles turned fake, because Natsu accepted. I forced myself to sit there, watching them talk and even kiss for half an hour before leaving, and that day it had been storming. I walked home in the rain, not caring enough to grab an umbrella to stop myself from getting soaked, not like any of my friends realized, and I just cried in the rain.

When I woke up the next morning I had a bad cough, but I passed it off as nothing. I had stayed home, drank tea, and I didn't move all that much. Surprisingly, the next day I only got worse. Every day my cough got worse, and I started feeling chest pains. That was a week ago, and even though my sickness was starting to scare me, I didn't dare let myself show it. I chose to visit the guild, to see my friends, and so I walked to the Fairy Tail guild hall. With a fake smile plastered to my face I walked into the guild hall of Fairy Tail. I greeted people, but none of them greeted me back. Frowning, I walked over to ask Mira for a smoothie, but she just walked away into the back. So there I was now, sitting at the bar, biting the inside of my lip to keep from crying as I smiled. My mom had once told me that the worst type of pain is when your smiling just to stop the tears, and I now know how fucking true those words are.

Natsu, the only man I've ever truly had eyes for, was making out with Lissanna, not even caring to look over at me. I didn't waste five minutes there, I just right back out those front doors. This time the sky didn't seem to cry for me, so I meagerly attempted to hide my tears as I walked down the streets. No one that passed me by seemed to notice the tears lining my lower eye lid, nor did the notice the slight tremble of my bottom lip as I smiled, and when I reached my house I only walked right by.

I walked right out of town, into the woods towards a secret place only me and Natsu knew of. When I reached it the tears were already streaking down my face, and as I stared into the surface of the water I imagined Natsu's head popping out of the water, just so he could flash me one of those big smiles of his. My sobs echoed as I stood there, my arms wrapping around myself as I shook and shivered, wanting to die. I remembered the faces of all my friends, none of them caring enough to look at me as they focused on their lovers. I remembered Mira's dismissal, but the worst was Natsu who didn't spare me a glance as he was too busy focused on Lissanna. Lissanna.

I walked up to the shore of the lake and looked at my reflection. My eyes were red, I had bags under my eyes, and my skin was streaked with the tears that were still falling.

"Is it because I'm not pretty enough? What does she have that I don't? Does he hate me, doea he just want me to leave him alone? Why the fuck won't he LOOK AT ME!" I shrieked at myself as I glared at my own reflection, hating the weakness I saw glaring back at me. I screamed at myself, ripping at my hair and digging my nails into my skin as I thought of one woman, one fucking woman that had one handedly destroyed my life, my will to live. Natsu. Why did I have to go and fall so fucking deeply in love with that pink haired idiot? Why couldn't I just forget him and find someone else? Why couldn't I just let go of the thought of him and me together? Why is he so fucking special?

What made him worth the pain that made me smile to hide the tears, that made me want to fucking kill myself to get it over with? Why did I have to be so fucking stupid?

"GAAH!" I screamed as my nails pierced through the flesh of my left breast, uncaring of the bloody crimson cresent shape marks I left in my wake. I started cutting myself with my nails that had grown far too long, until my fingers touched the skin of my wrist. A lightning bolt of a feeling rushed down my spine as I dug my nail ever so slightly into my wrist, and I grinned. It wasn't one of happiness, it wasn't one of pain, but of release. What I had just felt made me feel more alive than anything Natsu had ever done.

Natsu fucking Dragneel. my grin turned from blood lust to pleasure as I forced my nail into my wrist. It was then I felt the cries of my spirits, they were howling at me to stop and live. Life. Hah. To fucking late for that now. Even if there wasn't blood gushing from the cut wound from my wrist, I wouldn't want to live in this world. This fucking world was too fucking twisted. It gave me a loving mother and father, then killed off my mother and made my father hate me. It gave me Fairy Tail, a place I thought I could call home, and then they left me in the dirt to wallow in my misery and pain. I started coughing madly, I couldn't stop it. I moved onto my knees and leaned on my uncut hand as I started hacking, trying to get out the thing that seemed lodged in my throat. I coughed once more, and my ears started ringing.

I could taste metal in my mouth, and I looked hazily down at the grass beneath me, only to see it splattered with blood. My blood. I sat back on my knees and reached my hand up to my mouth and pulled it away when it got wet, only to see crimson upon the tip of my finger.

Red. I hate red. My fucking vision was going red, my hand was still spurting out blood happily, and I was forced into another hack fest, causing more blood to splatter onto the ground beneath my mouth. My ears were ringing, but I couldn't help but think I'd just heard someone screaming my name. Just your imagination Heartfilia. No one gives a damn about you anymore, and a damn is far less than the two fucks they used to. Just grow accustomed to the fact that no one cares anymore. But as that sad, pitiful train of though crossed my mind I again could here my name being screamed, when all of a sudden I was getting picked up bridal style.

My vision was blurry and red, but I saw a slightly different color now. Bubble gum pink. A reminiscing smile came onto my face as I allowed myself to imagine, just this once before my death, that it was actually Natsu carrying me, giving two fucks again whether I lived or died, and a single tear, my very last, streamed down my face, before my head rolled back, and I could see, hear, nor think anymore. Bliss. That is what I felt as my consciousness slipped away. This is is the story of Lucy Heartfilia. This is the story, of how I died.

Hey guys! So anyways, I know that the start might have been sucky, but I hope that you all enjoyed. I was looking up Lucy Heartfilia memes, and as I was scrolling down I saw three pictures of her compiled into the one, and in all the pictures she was smiling to stop herself from crying. The message that was written on the picture was 'The worst kind of pain is when you're smiling just to stop the tears from falling...'. So that inspired me to write this fanfic. Sorry it was sad, but I do hope that you all liked it and hat it was enjoyable in the fact that it was somewhat well written (and hopeful you all don't think I did horrible on this). Anyways, hope I didn't waste your time!

Chow for Now! Peace:)

elizarocks9902

P.S. If you cry than I feel ya, I surprised myself whilst writing this, as I started crying like five times.

Love ya!