"So you really think that was a ghost?" I asked.

"Well, like, maybe, you know? I'm not saying it is, but dude, can really you say it isn't?"

Uh, yes. Actually I can, Tobe. And anybody with half a brain will tell you definitively that it wasn't, nobody actually believes in that at our age.

I should remind him not to fall for simple tricks of the mind, your eyes can deceive you.

"It was 100% not—"

"Wow! Tobecchi, you really saw a ghost?!" Yuigahama stood up, shaking the table in front her.

"Yeah! It was like def' a ghost, right?" He turned to the other stooges and they nodded along with him.

Hold on, didn't you just say 'maybe' before?

Where was Hayama when he could be of use?

Oh, right. Hayama would choose this one not to be with his friends.

Or maybe he did go with his friends, just a different set of them. That pretty-boy bastard probably has at least twenty different groups of friends now that I think about it, maybe he's off at the arcade with one of those other groups.

Hmm. But don't "Tobe and Crew" consider me their friend now anyway?

…I take everything back, except your friends! You can take them back starting now Hayama!

"Yeah, yeah! Like this! It was all," Ooka flapped his arms in the air, "woosh-woosh, then we saw the light!"

"No way!" Yuigahama shouted.

"Totally way!"

"Yeah, completely way!"

"Like all the way!"

Tobe, Ooka and Yamato said consecutively.

Ugh. I sighed.

Wait, that wasn't my sigh, somebody beat me to it.

"I don't know even know where to start. First of all, the paranormal is non-existent. So displace that idea from your thoughts. Understand?" Yukinoshita explained.

"But—"Ooka tried unsuccessfully to counter.

"No. Second of all, Yuigahama, don't encourage them."

"But—"Yuigahama tried unsuccessfully to counter.

"No. Third of all, Hikigaya, you're gross."

"…"

I, of course, knew there was no point to arguing when she gets into one of those moods. Even when I did nothing wrong, as usual.

Best to just go full-stealth-mode and casually ease my way out.

"No. You're still gross."

"Just what were you saying 'no' too?!"

"You know, some of _ and _."

"Fill in the blanks!"

"Frankly," Yukinoshita said while turning away from me, "I'm not even sure why you came to us with this request. There is nothing to prove, there is no such thing as ghosts. The end." She brushed the errant hair strands out of her face and adjusted her pose back to the usual regal demeanor.

As if she was the last note on the subject and passed her final judgement.

But they didn't seem to buy it.

Or rather, it was more accurate to say they didn't even seem to care.

"But what if it it's not though?" Yamato said.

"That—that doesn't mean anything. I just said it's not real."

"But what if it is though?"

"I… don't understand. You…"

Yukinoshita closed her mouth, then opened it, then shut it once more, before opening it and pausing.

Then closing it again.

Finally, she scanned their faces before speaking.

"Does every one of you truly believe in the existence of ghosts?"

They all looked at each and nodded, Yuigahama included.

Please stop Yuigahama, you literally weren't involved.

"You're all certain, absolutely sure?" She asked.

They turned to each other and seemed to telepathically communicate their agreement.

Or more likely, they were all equally stupid.

"Hmm, well, it's like, are we sure?"

"Yeah, can we be though?"

"Sure is so hard, it's just too much."

"Mhm. But, like, we did though."

"Yeah, not only me, but we."

"Yup."

"Totally."

"I mean, sometimes you never know." Yuigahama answered as well.

Just like that, they managed to convince themselves of its possibility. Amazingly, they didn't even need to make an argument in that process.

Yukinoshita closed her eyes and squeezed the bridge of her nose.

"A conundrum… how… empathize…"

She started muttering that under her breath. Among other less savory things.

I suppose it was my turn again.

"She's right. Ghosts aren't real. Besides, doesn't it seem far-fetched to jump straight to ghosts? Couldn't something else have caused whatever it is you saw? Something that doesn't need a reality-defying explanation?"

"It's not like it was something only ghosts can do, but it's like, we didn't see any people. So, it has to be a ghost there."

"Yeah, if it's not people, then it's a ghost."

Tobe and Yamato explained.

"That's not even close to how things work." Who jumps straight to ghosts if they can't explain something?

"But is it close to how ghosts work?"

"No."

"But is it though?"

"No."

"I don't know man, it's like… are you sure, bro? 'Cause I sort of saw it—well, not like me alone. But it was sort of like—we sort of saw something that looked like that sort of something that you could have sort of saw. You see?"

Is that even a language? Had Tobe used Human Transmutation and sacrificed the speech part of his brain?

"I don't know what you're trying to say."

"But still…"

What does 'but still' even mean here, bro.

"I feel like we're not all on the same page." Something wasn't clicking with them.

"But we're not reading a book?" Yuigahama said.

"That's just a saying. It means that we're not following each other's thoughts accurately."

"Oh. Well, yeah. Haha, I knew that."

No, I don't think you did.

"But what if, because we can't see ghosts, can ghosts see books?" Tobe asked.

I froze momentarily before speaking.

"…What?" I mean, why would that even matter?

"I think you're on to something dude." Ooka nodded his head seemingly deep in thought.

"Yeah, it could be a clue you know."

It's definitely not, Tobe.

"Why would that be a clue? Why would the fact that a ghost can read a book be a clue? Actually, no. What makes you think that would be a clue?"

"Man trust me. Isn't there that saying, once a coincidence twice a clue?"

"No."

"Well anyway, I think it's a clue."

"Dude, it doesn't matter whether ghosts can see books or not."

Finally. One of them using their head. Yamato, you've upgraded from background-character-minus to background-character-plus.

"The real question is whether ghosts can read books."

And back to background-character-minus.

"Maybe we can communicate with him. Hello. I. Am. To-Be. Please. Respond."

This can't be real.

"No stupid, it probably doesn't even speak the same language. We need to know, like, ghost, or something." Ooka pointed out.

I really should put an end—

Wait, did he just say we need to know ghost?

"If it could only communicate in ghost, that is, it's only language becomes ghost, then it can't read any books. No books are written in ghost."

"That's a good point, Hikigaya."

"No, no. If we can't see ghosts, then like, we can't see ghost books either. They could still have books though, and those could all be written in ghost." Tobe said.

That… actually makes a lot of sense.

"Is it possible ghosts could have their own ghost printers, where they print their own ghost paper and ink on page?" I mused out loud.

Yamato interrupted my train of thought, "But ghosts have no body, so they don't need money or food. None of them have a job, so, who would run the printers?"

"Many artists of the old days would paint and spread their paintings not so much for the financial benefits, in so much as there were, but more so because they enjoyed sharing their creation. It's not so far-fetched to assume that a ghost would run a printer in order to spread their ghost books."

"But, like, if they're a ghost, why would they write a book?" Yuigahama asked.

"Well, had they been a writer in their previous life, dying shouldn't remove their interests. But then, assuming they do need to make ghost books, the question becomes how did they get the materials? They would need to find ghost trees, for the ghost paper, or ghost papyrus at the least, and then would need ghost minerals to produce the ghost metal with which to make the ghost printer."

There were too many holes in this, I couldn't explain it. That doesn't even bring up the topic of how to create the machine. Would a person who knew how to make one become a ghost, create one, and then let someone else use it? They would need a person who knew how to make an axe to cut the tree. And that person would need to have someone who could find the material to make the axe.

Or perhaps ghosts didn't need to 'make' anything. Perhaps they possess the ability to create something out of thin air, equivalent exchange be damned. Without needing the resources or materials, they could simply spawn what they desire.

No job, no money, no problem.

That actually sounds better than reality. What am I still doing here? I'll take one ticket to ghost land please, the nothing gruesome special.

Wait a minute. Is that giggling?

I looked over to Yukinoshita who was trying, in vain, to stifle the sounds coming from her mouth with her scarf. This is no laughing matter. If we accept the premise that ghosts are real, than logically it follows that they must preoccupy their time with something. Unless becoming a ghost changes one's personality and interests, than ghosts should still…

Oh.

What the hell am I doing?

"—like with those pigs Hikigaya used a large tub of—"

"—Okay. Forget all that. Let's start over. You saw a flash of light, and then, you heard a… what was that again?"

"Woosh-Woosh!"

"Right, that. And the flash of light was at classroom 2B you said?"

"Yeah. The hallway outside, near the window across from it."

"I see…"

"He's thinking you guys!"

"You see that ghost, we're coming for you!"

I tried to internally focus on my thoughts and silence out their hollering and cheers of "You better be afraid!" and "So afraid!"

The light was likely a reflection of some sort, but I have no explanation for the sound. Further, I can't even demonstrate the reflection precisely, nor can I be completely accurate as to what had caused it. Blowing through a number of difference scenarios but without evidence lead to nothing. Without firm proof, then unfortunately, there was no sufficient answer.

"Can we have a moment? I believe I have a solution with Hikigaya's help. We'll look in the hallway, please stay in the room." Yukinoshita rose from her seat.

I stared at her. The questions burning in my eyes.

Just what would require investigating on our own? No. I doubt it was simply investigating, there's no need for the two of us if it was just a matter of confirming something.

Lost in my thoughts, I hadn't reacted quickly enough for Yukinoshita, as before I knew it, she was pulling me by the arm out of the room.

Once we were in the hallway, she let go of my arm and I closed the door behind me.

Then she scooted away from me.

Really?

"Is that really necessary?"

"A safety precaution, as we're alone in the hallway, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to prevent you from acting out on your wicked desires."

Just what 'wicked desires' have you planted in your head?

"And how is scooting away going to accomplish anything?"

"It allows me to prepare the proper physical response in time, which ranges from permanent bodily harm to excruciating pain."

"Violence is your entire range!"

"Not necessarily. Sometimes it's just a matter of snip snip."

"That's still a pretty ominous sound in this context."

"—And then off it goes."

"Off what goes!?"

She starting giggling into the scarf she had wrapped around her neck, and I almost broke out into an involuntary smile that I was holding back.

Before I cracked, she abruptly stopped and turned her gaze back on me, meeting my stare.

"As I've said before, I won't apologize for being on guard around you."

"That's pretty normal." Didn't expect anything less.

"In fact, you should apologize instead."

"That's pretty abnormal." Didn't expect something more.

"Just for causing me such stress you'll have to apologize and pay the medical bill in the future."

"You'll need a hospital visit for stress?"

"Not me, you. You'll have to pay for your medical bill in the future, the price for stressing me out."

"The cost is inflicting a hospitalizing level of violence on me?!"

"Are you insinuating that I plan to stab you with a 12-inch stainless-steel black-edition butcher's knife with authentic wooden grip that I smuggled under your name?"

"I hadn't planned on it, but I think I should do more than just insinuate now!"

"Well then, you'd be wrong. Don't be ridiculous bringing up such a knife."

"…"

"They only had a red-edition knife."

Somehow I get the feeling that these must be among her favorite moments of the day, and I couldn't say they were too far off from mine.

"…so what did you have in mind about the ghost?"

"You really have no ability to be subtle at all, huh?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Well regardless, it's actually not what I have in mind. It's what do you have in mind about the ghost?"

"What does that mean?"

"First, we both accept that there is no ghost. Right?"

"Of course."

"So, the problem then is how to explain a particular sound and flash of light." She began explaining while folding her arms in front of her. "A simple problem, but not a simple task. Without having first-hand experienced it, observing the phenomenon in person, we do not have the crucial and key information. Without that information, we have no way of properly explaining it short of exhausting the vast amounts of potential scenarios that could potentially recreate the exact event. We would have to test flashlights, sun reflections at certain times of the day, cellphone backlights, mirrors, chains, necklaces, etc. A time consuming, and wasteful, effort."

"Okay, sure. That's true. But that's just outlining the problem. How does that help us explain to them? I have already tried explaining that anything could have caused the sounds and light, and that a ghost isn't necessarily the only answer, which fell on deaf ears." Frankly, I don't think it was the ears that was the problem. It's what's between the ears that's the problem. "Nothing short of an exact and specific event will convince them."

"Exactly." She slammed her fist into her palm.

"Exactly what?"

"We tell them what specific event caused it."

"But we don't know it?"

"We don't need too."

Just how… Ah.

As long as we tell them exactly that we know what caused it, and it wasn't ghosts, than they will be satisfied. That must be the reasoning behind her assumption.

"So, we lie?" I asked.

"No. You lie."

"You want me to tell them that I know what caused it?"

"Yes. In fact, I don't believe they should even feel the need to know the details. Rather, simply the fact that it wasn't a ghost is enough for them to drop the subject. A small lie with sparse details should be far more than enough. Their interest is in the paranormal aspect, not the methodology."

Instead of responding, I stared at her questioningly.

"What? I know you are able to lie sufficiently, the perks of being a dysfunctional excuse for a supposed human being."

"Well, of course I am able to lie. But I take some offense at the second part of that sentence."

"Your tone seems a little suspicious, Hikigaya," she struck back with a cold voice.

"The subtext was that I don't agree with your insult. In fact, it was just regular text, my tone wasn't even needed."

"Are you accusing me of something without even bringing it to court?"

"That's quite the overreaction. Who would go to court over something like this?"

Are we Americans?

"You'll declare me guilty without a trial then? You truly are a virgin."

"That's not even slightly related!"

What a surprise insult. Like a wild left hook with her boxing glove!

While we were playing baseball on the same team!

"Putting aside the fact that I definitely am a functioning human being, it's not a matter of ability, but… this doesn't seem like the type of solution you would propose." In fact, this seemed exactly like my idea of a plan. "It doesn't really solve the question, just placates the individuals involved."

"Hmm." She adopted her usual pose of critical thinking, with her arms folded in front of her, before continuing.

"I think that… perhaps you're looking at the problem incorrectly. You are assuming the spirit of the question is 'what caused the event?' However, in actuality they don't care what caused the event. Rather, the real problem is 'was it a ghost?' They simply care about this event because they have it lodged into their heads that it was of the paranormal. Because we know that it wasn't, it becomes a matter of convincing them of the same thing, that it's a normal event. The means to which we break their delusions is of little importance."

A well-made argument. In fact, it was my kind of argument as well. Has her innate ability as Yukinoshita given her the ability to use my form of logic too?

"That aside, why me? Why not just lie yourself?"

"I am loath to admit it, but you're a much better liar than I am. By bringing you out here, it also presents us the pretext as having discussed it and solved the problem. That said, do you need time to come up with a story and lie or…"

"Just who the hell do you think I am?"

"…"

"…Damn. Just ignore that. It's something I've always wanted to say." I turned to the door and reached out to grab it.

"It really does sound like your plan…" She said off-handedly while we entered the room.

"—and that's all it was."

Their faces slowly dropped as the explanation continued, their expressions deflated completely by the end.

"Damn, that's a bummer."

"A total kill-joy."

"The killest of joys."

"Sorry for ruining your fun." I wasn't.

"Nah, it's all good. We knew it was something like that anyway, right guys?" Tobe asked.

"Ghosts, like, aren't here. So they like, aren't in front of us." Ooka nodded.

"If they can't be in front of us, because of that, it means they can't be in front of anyone." Yamato said.

"Woah, that's deep bro."

"Uh-huh. I know, I got lost for a second."

"I'm still lost." Tobe said.

What the hell kind of—

"Anyway bro, thanks for the help." He hit me on the back as he stood up.

"N-no problem." I coughed out a response.

If they could just see that ghosts aren't real in the first place, especially that quickly, why did they even need to come here at all?

Thankfully, before I could think too deeply on the subject, I was interrupted by Tobe's yelling as he waved goodbye.

"Catch you later!"

"Wait up!" Yuigahama responded.

She turned to us and grabbed her bag.

"I'll call you later on tonight Yukinon, pick up your phone this time, okay?"

"If I am not pre-occupied with studying for my—"

"Okay?" She cut in with no hesitation.

"…Okay."

Ooh. Even I shivered a little there.

Even nice girls like Yuigahama can be extremely scary when they were so inclined. In fact, they were probably scarier because they didn't even realize it. Such an unnatural power, and they used it so naturally.

Note to self: Avoid nice girls.

And mean girls.

And girls indecisively in between.

And become a house-husband for my wife.

Hmm. I think I'm going to have a conflict sometime in the future.

"You too Hikki, bye!"

"Yeah, yeah." I waved at her back while she ran out the door to catch up.

Naturally, being themselves, I could still hear "The Crew" talking in the hallway as they left the vicinity.

"See guys, I told you we could count on Hikigaya. He's super smart."

"Way smart."

"Remember? The pigs I was…"

They said before they got out of range.

I shuddered on instinct hearing him talk about those pigs. Never again.

One might say I was all pigged-out.

Heh. Damn clever old boy. Damn clever.

"Good job, Hikigaya."

I momentarily froze before I could finish patting my back. Then I turned to look at Yukinoshita in astonishment.

"Did you just thank—"

"Sorry. I meant to say just 'job, Hikigaya'."

"...That's no longer a sentence."

What kind of correction was that?

"My apologies, it was actually 'gross job, Hikigaya.'"

"Those meanings are completely different now."

"No, it was just 'gross Hikigaya'."

"Now that's just an insult, no context needed!"

"You're right, 'gross Hikigaya' is redundant. Just 'hikigaya' will do."

"Oi, at least capitalize my name!"

"It was actually, 'You've disappointed me once again and now the world is destroyed, Hikigaya'."

"Just how much power do you wield?! Aren't those stakes a little high for just a club member?"

"Don't go around assuming that we are fellow club members."

"We definitely are though, no assumption needed!"

"Tomato, ketchup. Such semantics don't matter."

I closed my eyes in thought. Wasn't the saying toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe, poe-tay-toe, poe-tah-toe?

"Since when is the difference between ketchup and tomatoes semantic?"

When Yukinoshita didn't answer, I looked around the room and found her sitting in a chair in front of the television from last week.

And a controller in her hands.

That's right, we still hadn't beat that game. We had to continually tell Zaimokuza that we were still working on it for the last week.

Every time I had asked if he wanted to play with us again, I was met with a dark gloom and sense of foreboding in his expression. It seems he doesn't take well to Yukinoshita's criticisms. And insults. And general berating.

"Hikigaya, please avert your stare before you start daydreaming. I feel that gaze of yours violates my very being."

"Just because I was looking your way doesn't mean I was thinking about you." I mean, I sort of was, but that doesn't invalidate my point. "Besides, the ability—"

"—To get lost in your thoughts is invaluable to you."

"Err, yeah. In fact, I can have—"

"—Entire conversations with yourself, no input needed."

"…Have I said this before?"

"No. Not entirely, but I figured it was something you would say as the embodiment of a lonely schizophrenic."

Oddly enough, I found myself agreeing with her, in that those traits did sound strangely schizophrenic. Whoa. Maybe I did need help.

Or maybe it's actually everyone else who needs help and schizophrenics were the true evolution!

"We all have our strengths and weaknesses. For instance, you—"

"Yes?"

"Well, you overreact at the most minuscule mention of that panda thing."

"That's completely ridiculous! And it's not a panda thing, it's Pan-san. Not to mention Pan-san is a hobby at best, though, of course, it's easy to see why one would get fanatical about the content. The character is adorable and deserving of praise and respect. The eyes on its face are proportioned just right as to draw the emotions of its beholders. The story is a wonderful tale of happiness and growth with symbolism detailing the coming-of-age we all face! The sheer notion that I would ever—" She paused upon seeing me laughing.

Then she sat back down.

At some point in her ramble she had unconsciously rose from her seat, with her hands slammed on the table, and must have just noticed her position at that moment.

Yukinoshita averted her eyes, and I caught a slight hint of blush.

"Yes, well, I may have a slight fondness of Pan-san, after all I'm still human, unlike others." Gee, I wonder who she's referring too. "And as humans, we all have our strengths."

"I believe you mean, 'we all have our weaknesses'."

"Pan-san is a strength." She said, meeting my eyes once again, but with full determination.

"R-right." I stuttered out before taking a seat on the chair next to her. "Well, regardless, when we beat this game using my plan, I'll enjoy seeing you apologize."

"Ah. So you're the type of man who wants to see a woman down on her luck and knees begging?"

"That's a little too far for an apology."

"The sobbing and crying she has echoing through the hallway—"

"You're going in the wrong direction…"

"—her clothes coming off in opportune spots, and the tears streaming her cheeks."

"Is this still an apology?!"

She started softly laughing into her scarf.

At times like this, I couldn't help but play along with her.

"…Just play the damn game. Hopefully we can beat it before nightfall. Although, the forecast says no chance of snow, so we should be fine regardless." I said before focusing all my efforts on this next run.

This was the one, I felt it. We were beating it on this run.

As per usual, it became late at night and we had still only made slight progress in the game.