Team Universe

Steven Universe and Team Fortress 2 crossover, because why not?

Synopsis: At the tender age of six months old Steven loses his father, Greg Universe, as a result of a car crash. Now that the young half-Gem has no father, the Team Fortress crew takes up the mantle of training Steven to be a respectable member of society. Why and how is the crew of Team Fortress connected to the Gems? You'll have to find out.

This is my very first fanfic, so please leave a review! Criticism is welcome, but please be gentle. If there's a problem, bring it to my attention with the least amount of flame possible.

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters or locations portrayed in this work; all characters and concepts belong to their original owners. Cover art belongs to the amazing Ace Florins.

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A curly-haired boy walked through the beach with a small freezer clutched in his grasp, humming a tune along his way. The boy wore a short-sleeved, red t-shirt emblazoned with a large, five-pointed star in the center. His light-blue jeans had the cuffs rolled up above his ankles to avoid picking up sand as he trudged through the small dunes in his pink flip-flops. He was rather short, and had a small amount of pudge that cleverly disguised his moderately impressive muscle layer. This boy's name was Steven Quartz Universe, and he was no ordinary human child. As Steven progressed he sighed to himself.

"Oh Cookie Cat," Steven lamented as he lovingly caressed the freezer in his grasp. "You were not long for this world, but you will live on in the spirit of delicious ice cream treats of the world, with your delicious crunchy cookie outside and your icy creamy insides." His voice dropped to a whisper, "Lion Lickers can never hope to be half as good as you were…"

Steven quit his reverie to the most amazing ice cream treat that ever graced the planet to climb the stairs that led to his home; a small beach house set in the partially-decayed statue of a giant, multi-armed woman. Once he reached the porch, he briefly set the freezer down to open the screen door.

The young boy was greeted with the sight of a man-shaped figure hefting a fire axe over its head, staring down on a creature that looked like a dog-sized green centipede. As Steven watched, the man-like creature swiftly chopped down, burying half of the axe head into the centipede's abdomen. The centipede released a terrified and pained screech before exploding into small clouds of lime-green dust. The man-creature grunted and tore its axe from where it had embedded into the wooden floorboards with inhuman strength. It then turned towards the door and, despite the sunny summer day, appeared as if its face was shrouded in shadow-if you could call a fire mask that covered the being's entire head its face. The creature hunched over slightly, wearing a full-body asbestos suit that was colored a crimson red. Heavy asbestos gloves and boots covered the being's hands and feet so that no amount of the creature's body was visible. Strapped to its chest was a bandolier of canisters that looked very much like grenades. On its back was a large, airtight canister labeled with 'WARNING!', FLAMABLE GAS!' and 'DANGER!'. The creature huffed out labored breaths from its filter as it stared at Steven through its dark, empty goggles. It adjusted its grip on the fire axe.

Steven smiled wide, "Hey Pyro!"

The creature straightened its back, allowing the light to touch its black mask and chase away the shadows. 'Pyro' raised one of its hands and waved lightly at Steven. "Hrrro Strrvnnn!" It said/mumbled cheerfully.

Pyro swiftly turned and swung his axe at another centipede creature that had jumped at him, screeching. The head of the axe cleaved the creature right through the middle, causing it to cry out in torment and turn to dust much like its brother.

Steven was ecstatic. "Wicked! What are these things?!"

"Cnnntrprrtrrs." Pyro responded brightly before turning back to Steven and pointing to the freezer next to the boy. "Nrrrd hmph mmph thht?"

Steven waves him off. "No, I've got it, thanks though!" He picks up the freezer and walks through the screen door-which Pyro holds open-and into the main room of the house.

"Hissssssssssssss!"

"Waaah!"

Unfortunately for Steven a centipeetle had crawled onto the ceiling and had been waiting for a moment to drop down and attack. Noticing a weaker target, the centipeetle abandoned its original, primitive plan to strike the masked warrior that had killed its brothers in favor of the smaller being. It leapt down and attached to Steven's face.

Before Pyro could react, a sharp crack split the air. A rhinestone-encrusted whip lashed out and encircled the centipeetle. One swift yank later and the centipeetle went flying into the grasp of a short, stocky woman with purple skin and long white hair.

"'Sup, Steven?" The woman said, holding the struggling creature in her grasp.

"Amethyst!" The boy replied, in both relief and happiness, before looking around. Steven noticed a small amount of the centipeetles loitering around the slightly-damaged house. "Wow, there must have been a ton of these things…"

A centipeetle dropped from the ceiling a few feet away from Steven, with another person landing on top of it and swiftly dispatching it with a few swings of his metal bat. The person stood up once the centipeetle was dust and straightened the baseball cap on his head.

"Sorry, little man," He said to Steven with a slight Boston accent, "We'll clear out these bugs real quick. P and hardhat think they're trying to get into the Temple for some reason." The man then noticed the centipeetle in Amethyst's grip and grinned. "Yo, Amy! Gimme a pitch!" He settled into a batter's stance.

Amethyst grinned as well and balled up the centipeetle in her grip. "Coming in low and fast, Scout!" She laughed as she wound up the pitch and chucked the creature at a blindingly fast speed.

Scout, who was used to Amethyst's antics and not at all fazed by the speed of the pitch, hit the 'ball' right at the sweet spot on the bat. This caused the 'ball' to barrel into a line of centipeetles, slamming them against the far wall and turning them to dust.

"Line drive!" Scout and Amethyst proclaimed loudly.

"Awesome!" Steven said, stars in his eyes, before sobering and looking down at one of the nearby centipeetles. "But you don't have to get rid of 'em. They're actually pretty cool."

The centipeetle Steven was observing spat a stream of acid that began to slowly dissolve the wooden floor. Amethyst grimaced in response and quickly crushed the bug underfoot. "No can do, Ste-man, these things are gonna be big trouble if they manage to get into the Temple."

"Yeah, we can't let them get into the Fortress either." Scout said, as he looked over the dust left behind by the centipeetle. "Ain't these things supposed to leave a gem behind?"

Amethyst shrugs. "Iunno, maybe they're not real gem monsters?"

"Thhn thht mmnns thrrrs mm mmuhhtrr nrrrbrr." Pyro supplied as he took out a centipeetle that thought it could sneak up behind him. "Wrr shrrd trrr thh mddrs."

At this, Steven looked around the room once more, suddenly noticing how empty it was of people. "Hey, where's everyone else?"

"Pearl and Garnet went to check out the Temple to make sure none of these guys snuck in…" Amethyst said as she poofed another centipeetle with her whip. "And Engie took everyone else to check out the Fortress. We were left behind to guard the house."

"Hardhat was thinking that they could've tunneled underground to try and get to the Temple." Scout elaborated. "These things would've ended up at our place instead." When he saw the slight look of concern on Steven's face, Scout gave a warm smile. "Don't worry about 'em Steven; Engie's defense system could take these things out easy-peasy if they managed to break in. They'll be back before you know it."

As if on cue, there was the sound of an electric door activating from the back of the house. Everyone turned and watched as the dual-locking armored door's latches slid apart as the door split in half. This admitted seven individuals into the rest of the house. At the forefront of this crowd, there was a fairly short man in a hardhat, goggles and overalls messing with some sort of tablet clutched in one hand.

"Alright fellas, I set the defense system on high alert; don't worry, none of those things tunneled through, and it might be a while before they even try, but it's better to be safe than sorry. How're things holding up here?" The hard-hatted man said with a country twang in his voice. He looked up to the three exterminators.

"We took care of the little guys here no problem, Engie." Scout boasted; Amethyst nodded smugly next to him. "Nothin' more than squishing some bugs."

"Then good job, guys. I guess Garnet and Pearl are still…" The hard-hatted man's gaze fell on Steven. He smiled. "Well hey there little guy, back so soon?"

"Yeah," Steven replied, still full of amazement and energy. "But I'm glad I came home when I did, otherwise I would've missed all this!" He spread his arms and indicated around the room.

One of the men behind 'Engie' stepped forward, his great size and weight making the expertly constructed floorboards groan ever so slightly. A long chain of bullets circled his body and came over his shoulder. Like all of the other men in the room, he was wearing red (his large shirt was entirely red). He walked up to Steven and looked at the child with a scrutinizing gaze.

"You are not hurt?" The large man rumbled, his voice carrying a heavy Russian accent.

Nearby, Amethyst and Scout rolled their eyes. "Come ooooooon big guy, d'you really think we'd let Steven get hurt by these things?" Amethyst complained.

"I do not zink Heavy is insulting your ability to keep Steven out of danger," A tall man in a red-and-white doctor's coat said with a German accent, "Rather, he expressing concern over the fact that Steven vas in a dangerous setting. It vould be quite easy for something stupid to happen and for Steven to get hurt." The German adjusted a small set of spectacles perched on his nose.

"A centipeetle fell on my face!" Steven proclaimed.

The German looked at Amethyst dryly. "You see?"

Amethyst huffed in response and Scout chuckled to himself. "Alright, Medic."

"It didn't hurt though," Steven elaborated, not wanting to see some sort of argument erupt. "It mostly just surprised me."

Heavy and Medic looked a bit mollified at that statement, but now one of the others was pushing his way to the front of the crowd. He pushed Heavy to the side, earning a disgruntled sound from the large Russian. He was dressed in a red army coat with brown pants and boots. Strapped to his chest was a series of grenades, and upon his head was a brown army helmet that covered his eyes. He somehow managed to see perfectly, however, as he kneeled down to Steven's level and patted the half-gem on the shoulder, hard.

"Great news cadet!" The helmeted man loudly proclaimed, "I knew that some midget monster wouldn't get the better of you! Now let me guess; after its failed ambush attempt, you seized the maggot creature by its maggot throat, and then HAZZAH! NECK SNAP!" The man pantomimed snapping someone's neck. Violently.

One of the other men in the back, a dark-skinned gentleman with a knit cap and eyepatch rolled his remaining eye. He wore a flak jacket with rows of grenades on the vest. "Och, Soldier, I don't think that Steven would've done that."

Soldier turned away from Steven and sneered at the one-eyed Scotsman. "Why not? He's certainly man enough to take one of these maggots down! I bet he tore that thing apart with his bare hands!" A maniac grin formed on Soldier's face as he imagined Steven getting his first kill.

"Actually, Amethyst pulled it away and poofed it before anything could happen."

Soldier was still for a moment. He then turned and regarded the purple woman with a disapproving shake of his head.

"Amethyst! I can appreciate your fighting spirit, and your general disregard for enemies, but this is something that I must say am very disappointed about."

"What? That thing was all up in his face!" Amethyst protested. "It would've janked him up!"

"Steven can handle one measly monster; don't forget that we've been training him!"

The one-eyed man scoffed. "Oh, so that's what it's called."

"Did I ask you a question Demoman?!" Soldier shouted at the Scotsman, who just put up his hands in mock surrender. Soldier quickly turned back to Amethyst and gave her a look. "Even if you had just held it down for him, I would understand; sometimes you need to give a teammate a hand in their first kill, but you do not take a comrade's kill! It's simply unsportsmanlike!"

At this point, Scout was in tears from trying to hold in his laughs. Pyro just turned away and released a series of wheezing chuckles. Even Heavy, Medic and Engineer seemed to be containing their amusement. Amethyst just grinned and threw up her hands. "Alright, fine, the next time something lands on Steven, I won't do anything."

Soldier smiled in acceptance. "Great-

"What do you mean something landed on Steven?!"

Everyone turned to look to the rear of the house, where two women were now standing. One was much taller than the other, with a large, cubical afro, dark skin, and triangle-shaped shades completely obscuring her eyes. The other, while shorter than the first, was also fairly tall. She wore a ballerina's one piece-complete with a thin tutu, and ballet shoes. Her skin was a pure white and her off-white hair was brushed back straight. Apparently they had just came through the Temple door while everyone was listening to Soldier speak, and were thus caught off guard. The pale-skinned woman quickly darted to Steven, knocking Soldier to the ground as she passed, knelt down to his level and began inspecting him for injury.

"Did one of those centipeetles attack you Steven, oh I knew I should've stayed behind just in case-you don't look very scratched up and there's no sign of acid burns…did it fall on your head? They shouldn't be heavy enough to cause cranial trauma-but just to be sure we should probably have Medic look at you-"

"Pearl."

The pale woman stopped fussing over Steven and turned back to look at the dark skinned woman as she stepped forward. She stood next to the group of men in red and crossed her arms. She looked directly at Steven.

"Steven, are you hurt?" She asked.

The young boy smiled and shook his head. "No, Garnet, I'm fine. I was just telling these guys that Amethyst pulled the centipeetle away before anything could happen."

Garnet nods, apparently satisfied with that answer. She then turns to Pearl and gives the pale Gem a knowing look. Pearl looks to the side and bites her lip.

"Well…if you're sure, Steven." She finally admits, earning a smile from the young half-Gem. In return, Pearl smiles as well.

Seeing that the situation has resolved itself, Garnet turns to Engineer. "Pearl and I checked all the main rooms of the Temple; no centipeetles managed to get in. Is the Fortress secure?"

"Yeah," Engineer answers, holding his tablet out to the Gem by way of explanation. The screen detailed a 3-D model of a massive structure that had multiple rooms. Currently the entire structure was glowing a soft red, and the words 'STATION-WIDE ALERT' were moving across the screen slowly. "I put the whole place under high alert just in case those bugs try to get in."

"Good. Now we just need find where the mother is and take her down."

"Aw, man." Scout groused, "You already know about that?"

Garnet placed a hand on her hip and adjusted her shades before answering. "Yes."

The Bostonian sighed, "We never get to tell you guys anything important."

"A centipeetle mother?" Pearl said, concern in her voice, "We should probably find it before anyone gets hurt."

The others in the house made various sounds of acknowledgement; a Gem monster that can create a (supposedly) endless amount of smaller creatures? It could be a serious threat to the general public.

Steven, meanwhile, was looking on with a sparkle in his eye. There was a monster in Beach City (or the surrounding area)! There was a gem monster in his home! Even if the Gems and ex-mercs didn't want him coming along to potentially dangerous Gem locations, but the monster had come here instead! It was like a golden opportunity for Steven!

"Oh! Oh oh!" He exclaimed excitedly, "Can I come with you guys?! Can I, can I?!"

The shared looks amongst the adults in the room didn't do much for Steven's confidence in his chances. His excitement deteriorated further when Pearl placed her hands together and gave him 'the smile'. The same smile she used whenever Steven asked to come along on a mission or inquired about certain things related to gems and the mercs. "Steven..." She began softly.

"I know you guys don't want me coming along to dangerous places, and I get that! I totally get that!" Steven quickly began to pre-emptively argue his point, "But these guys aren't in a dangerous Gem-related dungeon or something! They're right here in Beach City, right here in our home!"

Pearl sighed-a sentiment that was shared with the other adults as they all found ways to avoid Steven's gaze, "Steven, you're right that these centipeetles aren't in some…'dangerous Gem dungeon', but the fact of the matter is they still pose a reasonable threat to humans, and by extension, you."

"Yeah," Amethyst said as she knelt down an inspected the new hole in floor left by one of the centipeetles' corrosive spit. "I don't know if you've noticed, but these things spit acid; that'd jank you up pretty good."

Pearl shot a glare at the purple Gem for her rather crass assessment before turning back to Steven, "Yes, well, Amethyst has a point. Even if the children were easy to take care of, their mother will certainly be a challenge to deal with. Until you learn to control the powers of your gem, we will take care of protecting humanity, okay?"

Steven sighed, another great plan foiled by his inability to summon his Gem weapon or whatever. "Okay, Pearl…"

One of the mercenaries, this one tall and lean, pushed his sunglasses down as he finally noticed the cartoonish freezer next to the half-gem. "Oi, what's that you've got there?" He said with a slight Australian accent, pointing to the portable freezer.

Steven looked down, and then his eyes grew wide as he gasped. "Oh my gosh! I totally forgot to tell you guys!" He exclaimed.

"What? What happened?" Heavy asked.

"It's the worst thing ever!" Steven lamented. "They've stopped making Cookie Cats!"

The half-Gem then began to go into his long-winded explanation/lamentation over his favorite ice-cream-based treat. Due to his rather vehement defense of his snack and proclamation that 'Lion Lickers' will never be half as good as Cookie Cats were, he missed the reactions of everyone else in the room. Everyone shared a knowing glance and grin with each other (just a glance in Pyro's case) as they thought of the surprise that the young boy was in for.

"-and so Sadie let me keep the Cookie Cat Freezer!" Steven finished his story by picking up that very object and carrying it over to the counter, placing it next to the fridge.

As subtly as possible, everyone else leans forward. Steven is still blissfully unaware as he plugs in the freezer, watching with an (oddly) nostalgic look of satisfaction as the device lights up and cool air starts wafting through the small open door.

"Alright!" Steven said, beaming. "Now I know this thing was made to hold Cookie Cats, but maybe we could fill it with something else to free up fridge space?" He turned, looking quizzically at Engineer.

The Texan coughed as he tried to hide his smile. "Oh, I'm sure we can kiddo. How about you check and see if there's anything in the fridge now that looks like it could belong in there."

"Okay!" Steven said-oblivious to the stifled chuckles and giggles that threaten to spill into the room-as he opened the fridge door and began moving foodstuffs around. "No. No. Can you freeze celery and still be able to use it? Probably not. No. No. Hey, this kind of looks like…"

Steven trailed off. For a few seconds, everything was silent in the house. No one moved a muscle as they stared at Steven standing silently halfway into the fridge. One could hear a pin drop.

The silence was then shattered as the half-Gem let out the loudest gasp that anyone had ever heard. He whipped around; one hand grasping a wrapped Cookie Cat as if offering it to a god, while his other hand was pressed against his cheek, as if physically attempting to rein in his excitement. The young boy turned to look at the others in the room, his eyes filled with stars.

"Oh. My. Gosh." Steven whispered, somehow managing to sound loud, "Cookie Cats! But…but they…canceled…Lion Lickers-"

"Surprise!" Scout smiled at Steven as everyone finally let out their laughs, "We caught wind of those chucklenuts canceling production a little while ago and decided to surprise you!"

"But where did you get these?!"

"We went out and STOLE 'em!" Amethyst loudly proclaimed, earning herself a high five from Scout as the two laughed together over their (admittedly well-executed) theft.

"Engineer and I went back and paid for them." Pearl said as she glared at the quartet before sighing and rubbing her gem, "It's a lucky thing you only hit that convenience store; we managed to persuade the owners from conducting an investigation." She proudly finished.

"Uh…yeah, only the convenience store…" Amethyst said, avoiding Pearl's gaze.

"The whole thing was my idea." Garnet said with a smirk.

"Oi!" Sniper bristled at the Gem's declaration. "I'm pretty sure it was my idea to go out and get them!"

"Negatory!" Soldier yelled, "That brilliant plan belonged to yours truly!"

"Mf mms mm mddrrrmm!" Pyro said, pointing a thumb at himself.

"Hey, hey, fellas." Engineer said, stepping into the center of the soon-to-be shouting match. "Once we saw the announcement, we all had the same-or similar-" He adds as Pearl looks indignant at being accused of even thinking of thievery, "thoughts. It was everyone's idea."

Begrudgingly, the would-be arguers stepped back and avoiding looking at each other.

"Not really." Garnet said.

Everyone looked about to jump right back in to a shouting match of 'who loved Steven the most' when Heavy stepped past the group and stood next to the half-gem, smiling happily. "All that matters is Steven is happy, not who had idea first."

He then sent a subtle glare to each of the aggressors, daring them to cross that line. Pyro, Soldier and Sniper all made various sounds of protest but otherwise remained quiet. Garnet shrugged and leaned on a support beam.

Engineer quietly chuckles to himself at this spectacle, and then once again when Steven begins singing the 'Cookie Cat' jingle, rather impressively to boot. As the half-Gem continued with his little song, Engineer couldn't help but think to himself how far they've come. If someone had told him fifty years ago that he and his motley team of professional killers would be fighting alongside three magical alien amazon-warrior women, who were actually polymorphic sentient rocks, against their corrupted and disfigured comrades who somehow managed to turn into literal monsters straight from eldritch horrors, become surprisingly well-adjusted members of a community and raise a healthy, mentally sound half-human-half-Gem boy into an upstanding member of society, all while he and the other mercenaries were not physically aging so much as a day? Well…

He'd probably believe the first part; Team Fortress had seen some really crazy things during their employment at Mann Co., and some of their number even before that. But the rest? Engineer would've laughed them off and asked what they'd been drinking.

Then probably recommend it to Demoman, but that's beside the point.

And yet here they were; nine specialist, augmented human mercenaries and three magical warrior alien rebels making a living by fighting off other alien monsters and periodically stopping a robot-obsessed immortal megalomaniac from trying to start up their old company once again. Unlike the civilians at Teufort (the city not the battleground), the people of Beach City seemed fairly accepting of the nine professional killers; heck, they accepted three alien warriors and semi-frequent monster attacks, nine human mercenaries were probably a breath of normality for them.

Even more surprisingly, the mercenaries seemed to have mellowed out during their time at Beach City; Scout isn't quite as obnoxious, Soldier is much less prone to shouting randomly at pedestrians and completely gave up on forcing haircuts onto the citizens (he still recommended it, but he realized the futility of his goal once he met too many rebellious teenagers), Pyro seems to be one of the more well-liked amongst their crowd and reins in their pyromaniac tendencies much better, Demoman has all but completely given up on drinking his sorrows away (he still drinks, but nowhere near as often nor as much in one sitting) and isn't as quick to anger as he once was, Heavy-in truth, Heavy was only violent on the battlefield, and had a family of his own, so the Russian hadn't really changed much, Engineer himself intermingled more with the locals and had taken up his guitar again, Medic was far less prone to randomly speculating on some of his more…horrifying experiments and reined in his 'mad doctor' nature, Sniper was a bit more open to talking with others and less likely to launch into a disturbingly descriptive series of insults, and Spy…

Well, Spy was basically the same, except that he didn't smoke quite as often.

Chuckling to himself at that little joke, Engineer watched as Steven finished his little song. The ex-mercenary held no illusions to himself; Steven was the main reason that they had changed so much. Ever since that fateful day where the half-gem found himself in the world fatherless as well as motherless, that little boy had wormed his way into their hearts. Engineer couldn't help but take a bit of pride in seeing how kind, friendly and helpful Steven was-very much not how the mercenaries once were-and realizing that he helped with that; he helped Steven become such a great young man. Engineer knew that the others felt that way too, it was less apparent in some than in others, but the Texan could read his teammates like a book. He knew that they felt a little bubble of joy in their hearts when Steven was in the room, and had a small empty ache when they were apart for too long.

He knew they felt the same combination of excitement and fear he did when Steven asked to come along on missions.

Engineer broke out of his musings when Steven concluded his song and joined in the laughter, cheers, and applause in response to the impromptu performance. Beaming, Steven gave a bow to his audience.

"Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all week!" The half-Gem said as he laughed in tandem with the others. After the giggles petered out, he turned and regarded everyone at once. "I can't believe you guys did this all for me."

"Ah, weren't nothing, lad." Demoman said, waving off Steven's thanks. "Just think of it as an early birthday present!"

Steven reached into the fridge and moved all of the Cookie Cats into their rightful place; the freezer. "I'm going to save these forever! ...Right after I eat this one." He finishes, holding one of the ice cream treats over his head before unwrapping it. "Hello old friend." Steven says reverently before biting into his Cookie Cat, careful to only take off the ears first.

As Steven savors his treat, a soft but bright pink glow emanates from the gem that replaces his bellybutton.

Engineer is one of the first to take notice of the light, and it's not very long before everyone but Steven is staring in awe. Steven-somehow by eating an ice cream sandwich-is activating his gem. The ridiculousness of the situation is quickly forgotten in favor of the amazement that washes over everyone.

"Oh my god…"

"Woudja look at that..."

"Holy crap…"

"Amazing…"

"Whoa…"

"Holy Mary mother of Joseph."

"Crikey…"

"Steven…" Pearl whispers breathlessly.

"Hmm? Wha-?" The young boy looks at the gem as he swallows his bite. Steven's gaze swiftly turns downward and he jumps in surprise. "Aah! My gem!" He says, sounding both amazed and confused as he hopped from one foot to another, unsure of what to do. "What do I do?!"

Amethyst is the first to respond, naturally. "Quick! Try to summon your weapon!"

"Hey, yeah! Let's see what it is!" Scout follows up and the two look at Steven eagerly.

"I don't know how!" The half-Gem replies, now panicking as the light begins to dim. "No, it's fading! How do I make it glow again?!"

"Steven, you need to calm down." Pearl is at his side in an instant. "Breathe; don't force it."

"Ja," Medic says helpfully, "You might strain yourself othervise. Don't get too excited."

As the young man steadies his breathing and starts to calm down, the light finally disappears. This is met with a collective sigh from Steven and the Gems.

The mercenaries, who honestly can't relate, aren't quite as letdown. Heavy puts a large hand on Steven's shoulder.

"Was good try; maybe get it next time." The large man rumbles.

"Yeah, you'll learn how to do it eventually." Sniper helpfully adds, tipping his hat.

"But I was so close this time!" Steven sighed to himself before looking at the gems. "Can't one of you just explain how to summon a weapon?"

Pearl perks up immediately, smiling widely. "Oh, I'll go first~!" She says in a sing-song voice. The Gem grabs Steven's hand and leads him out of the house.

The door shuts and everyone looks at each other.

"Oh boy," Amethyst sighs as she shakes her head. "She's gonna tell him the 'petal thing'."

"I'm not exactly sure what that is." Scout says, leaning on the counter. "But I think I have an idea."

Engineer shakes his head, chuckling at these antics. He then turns to Garnet. "Well, that aside, where should we start looking for the centipeetle mother?"

The gem is silent for a while, staring at the door where Pearl and Steven had left through. After a few seconds she adjusts her sunglasses and then turns to the Texan. "We won't find it anytime soon, that's for sure. For the time being we can relax."

Amethyst shrugs and moves over to the door. "If Garnet says it that means it's true. I'm heading out to pick up some donuts, anyone wanna come with?"

Pyro and Demoman are quick to take the small gem up on her offer and soon everyone goes their separate ways, Medic mumbling about 'finally getting some time to work on that project' and taking Scout with him (the Bostonian protested all the way). Only two people remain in the beach house.

"You're worried about what Pearl might say to Steven?"

Engineer turned slightly to acknowledge his companion; a man dressed in a sharp red suit wearing a balaclava. The man pulled out a tin from his back pocket and carefully extracted a single cigarette with a gloved hand.

Engineer gazes back to the front door and furrowed his brow. Worried probably wasn't the right word for this. "I'm not exactly worried, I have no doubt that Pearl will explain how she summons her weapon very well, but-"

"But that's just it, she will explain how she summons her weapon, not how to summon his own." His companion finished as he lit the cigarette in his mouth and took a drag. "Rather than try and encourage Steven to find his own method, she'll end up having him focus on a technique that won't work for him. Sometimes I wonder how 'advanced' the gems were if they can't realize a common trend on their own."

Engineer smiled. "Yeah," He then moved to the reinforced door in the back and unlocked it. "Well I better go give Medic a hand with his little pet project; it wouldn't be good for Steven to lose Scout for a couple days to respawn just because the doctor was getting too enthusiastic. You'll keep an eye on Steven for the time being?"

"Am I ever not watching the boy?" The sharply-dressed man smugly replied. "When Pearl's idea fails-and it almost certainly will-I'll bring him back here so we can explain our theory on gem weapons."

Engineer waved over his shoulder as he entered the Fortress. "I'll leave you to it then, Spy." The armored door closed behind the Texan.

Within the beach house, Spy tapped a button on his wristwatch and disappeared.

Hours in the future, but not many…

Steven sat cross-legged on the beach, staring down at the gem in his bellybutton and thinking about the various and conflicting lessons he had received from each of the Crystal Gems. Individually, the Gem's concepts were complicated enough; 'master the magical properties of your gem and dance like these petals'… 'link your mind with the energy of all existing matter, channel the collective power of the universe through your gem'… 'whenever I need to summon my weapon out of my gem, it just happens'

But when put together the teachings only became more confusing; how exactly is someone supposed to try very hard and yet not try at all? Not to mention somehow finding out how to 'link his mind with all existing matter' as well.

Really the only common concept between the lessons was that they all mentioned the word 'gem'.

Steven huffed in frustration and flopped onto his back; he was getting sand all over his shirt and hair, but Steven wasn't really paying attention to that.

"I'm never going to learn how to summon my weapon." Steven bemoaned as he stared into the blue sky. "Why is all this Gem stuff so complicated? Can't it just be simple for once?"

A shadow passed over the young boy.

"Oh, I don't think it's as complicated as you might think." Someone said from behind Steven.

The half-Gem rolled onto his stomach and sat up, noticing a very familiar suit that matched a very familiar voice.

"Spy!" Steven said, happy to see a friendly face. "What's up?"

"Nothing important," The Frenchman said as he sat down next to the young man. "I was just nearby and I thought I might check up on you. How did your lesson with Pearl go?"

Steven looked to the side and fidgeted a bit. "Well…"

He then launched into a finely detailed but fairly shortened summary of what Pearl told him, to how he was practicing near Amethyst and what she said in spite of Pearl's lessons, to finally seeking out Garnet and yet somehow ending up even more befuddled than when he first started out.

Truthfully, Spy was present and out of sight for each of the three lessons and thus didn't need a recap. Hearing what Steven had actually thought about the Gem's individual teachings was a bit more enlightening, but the Frenchman had already deduced that a boy of Steven's age would likely be confused at the conflicting summoning styles of the Gems.

"So I came out here to try and…'channel the power of the universe through my gem'? I guess? I'm still not exactly sure how to summon my weapon." Steven said, as he thought to himself. "I think my best bet might be to recreate what happened when my gem glowed at the house…"

"I believe I may have a better solution." Spy said as he stood up and dusted himself off. He then offered his hand to Steven, "Come with me."

Steven took the proffered hand, yet looked a bit skeptical at Spy's words, "But…what do you know about summoning Gem weapons?"

"Next to nothing." Spy admitted as he started walking back to the beach house, "However, I do know a lot about weapons. Who knows; maybe you'll learn something."

Intrigued yet still somewhat skeptical, Steven followed the espionage expert as he moved to the cliff where his home sat. No one else was in the small wooden house when Spy and Steven entered. Walking through the now-pristine beach house, (Engineer and Medic had the brilliant idea to reinforce the structure by using some strange 'self-repairing' materials, so the broken floorboards and acid damage had been fixed in just a few hours) Steven was a little surprised when his guide didn't stop and instead continued on to the back of the house, where the door to the Gem's Temple and the mercenaries' Fortress waited.

The half-gem was careful to watch his step around the warp pad; Steven remembered too many times where he had tripped over the wires connecting Engineer's teleporter to the piece of Gem technology. Once he was certain he wouldn't plant his face against the crystalline floor, he turned to look back to Spy, who had just finished messing with his tin. Steven watched as the double-locking door to the Fortress slid open.

"Stay close to me." Spy cautioned as he walked through the door.

Steven, now excited that Spy's plan involved him entering the usually-secretive structure, followed earnestly. "O-ok!"

It wasn't his first time entering the Fortress; he was allowed entrance on his birthday so that the mercs and Gems had space to have a proper celebration. For how much he adored his small, comfy beach house, there just wasn't enough room to have a real party in there. If a really tough Gem monster was attacking the Temple, he was quickly evacuated inside. From time to time, he was allowed entrance to explore the structure, but almost always with a chaperone.

And yet, for how many times he had visited the Fortress in the past, it was still a source of amazement and intrigue for him. The entrance hall-the first room one encountered-was fairly plain; the floor, ceiling and walls were all made of a perfectly-polished metal. Fluorescent bulbs were bolted into the ceiling every few feet, casting a gentle light into the hallway. Several vents pumped fresh air into the passageway to keep it warm.

Steven had little time to admire the hallway, however, as he and Spy had quickly reached the end. The half-Gem waited a moment as Spy activated the elevator, and then quickly entered once it had arrived.

"I never get over how big this elevator is," Steven commented lightly, looking around him at the innards of the lift-which was decorated in a way very similar to the hallway.

Spy smiled as he hit a button labeled 'Infirmary', causing the elevator to shut its doors and begin its descent, "Well, in a dire situation it needed to be able to carry the nine of us at once without complications."

"In a 'dire situation'," Steven said, lowering his voice to a more serious tone and forming air quotes, "Couldn't you guys just teleport out?"

"What if the teleporters are malfunctioning, or worse, were destroyed?" Spy countered.

"Oh yeah." Steven says after a moment, "That makes sense."

Spy shook his head in quiet amusement as the elevator finally 'pinged' signaling that it had reached its destination. A moment later, the doors opened into a small room. A row of cushy seats-colored red of course-graced each side of the antechamber, though none of them were currently occupied. The metal floor that was familiar from the entrance hall and the elevator was replaced with a checkerboard of red and white tiles. The walls of the room looked as if they were concrete, and halfway down from the ceiling the color changed from off-white to a light, rosy red. The ceiling itself was still polished metal, and the few lights bolted in were much brighter-not quite as oppressive as normal hospital lights but certainly not soft and comforting. At the far end of the room, directly away from the elevator, was a set of double doors (they were also double hinged, so they were double-double doors, Steven giggled to himself) reminiscent of those one would see in a hospital. Above the doors was a sign that read 'Operating Room'.

Before Steven and Spy were more than four steps into the waiting room, three people emerged from the double doors. Engineer, who was wearing his trademark goggles around his neck, was first. Beside him was Medic who had removed his coat and gloves, exposing his vest and undershirt. Directly behind the two of them was Scout, who had just finished pulling his shirt over his head and quickly replaced his hat. As Steven watched, he couldn't help but hear a few snippets of their conversation.

"-need to boost zhe energy output significantly if ve vant to see any progress at all."

"But we need to keep it compact and portable doc, everyone is supposed to able to use it."

"Ja, ja. I am aware. Ve merely need to incorporate more Gem technology into the design…we're close, I can feel it."

"I still don't see why ya had ta use me in your crazy experiments."

"Look, if something were to go wrong-"

"Ahem." Spy coughed, interrupting Engineer and effectively derailing the entire conversation. The three looked at Spy and Steven with the expression of a deer caught in the headlights of a sixteen-wheeler. They quickly steeled their features however, and gave Steven a series of nervous smiles.

"Uh, hey there Steven!" Engineer said, "What brings you down here?"

Steven, young and inquisitive, immediately asked the obvious question, "What are you guys talking about?"

Medic waved off the young boy's question, "Nothing important, we were just vorking on a small project of mine, nothing really impressive or important yet. Really it's just an idea at zhis point."

"Oh ok." Steven replied, "Well, Spy brought me down here because he said he had an idea about how I could summon my weapon!"

Everyone's smiles became more genuine at this, "No kidding?" Scout said, smirking at Spy, "What exactly does Frenchie have in mind?"

"Probably something that will be much more effective that what you could come up with, you dolt." Spy retorted with a smirk of his own, "Now Steven, if you would be so kind as to regale your lessons to those who haven't heard them yet?"

Steven nodded, and then launched into his tale of conflicting lessons and confusing Gem-related topics to Engineer, Medic and Scout. As he told of how each of the Gems suggested he go about summoning his weapon, their expressions progressively soured. When he finally finished, Engineer removed his hardhat and scratched his head.

"Well, I suppose they weren't as bad as I thought…" He sighed.

"But zhey certainly could have handled it better." Medic groused.

Scout grunted in agreement.

"Wait, what d'you mean they could have handled it better?" Steven asked, confusion in his voice, "Didn't the Gems tell me something important? Were they wrong?"

"No, no. Well…I wouldn't say the gals were wrong; they were absolutely telling the truth about how they summoned their weapons, of that I'm certain. But I also wouldn't say that what they were trying to teach you was 'right', I suppose."

Steven let out a frustrated groan/yell. "That's even MORE confusing than what the Gems were saying! They're right, but they're also wrong?! Why can't I just get a straight answer?! I just want to know how to summon my weapon! Can't someone just tell me HOW I do that?!" He launched into a minor tantrum, earning looks of mild concern from Medic, Spy and Engineer. Scout, however…

Scout laughed, "Kid, you're goin' about this all wrong."

Steven paused, "What?"

Medic leaned forward and steepled his fingers, "You are asking a question zhat doesn't have a definitive answer."

"…Huh?"

"Steven," Spy said, gaining the young boy's attention, "Did you notice anything specific about one of the Gem's weapons and the way they go about summoning it? Or even, a relationship between the manner of summoning and the Gem summoning it?"

"What are you talking about?"

"He means," Engineer said, stepping forward, "That there's a correlation between the Gems and the way they summon their weapon.

"Take Pearl for instance; you said that she does some kind of magical 'dance' and needs to focus very hard to summon her weapon."

"Yeah…?"

"Well, what can you tell me about Pearl herself?"

Steven thought for a moment, "…Pearl's very dedicated to doing things, like cleaning the house or even fighting monsters, and she says how I should always try my hardest to do things and never leave something half-done. Is that what you mean?"

"Not the way I would've said it, but correct. Now, what can you tell me about her weapon?"

"It's a long pointed spear-"

"Don't tell me how it looks Steven; tell me how it's used."

"Well…she uses it to jab things, 'cuz it's too fragile to just smack someone with it. And when she attacks something its usually at its weakest point since the spear is such an exact…weapon…" Realization dawned in Steven's eyes and he looked up at the Texan. "Kinda like Pearl…"

"Yes!" Engineer says happily; everyone else claps or gives words of encouragement.

But Steven is already thinking about the other Gems and their weapons as well. "Amethyst…she summons her weapon by not trying or thinking about it at all! Just like how she does really tough things with no problem, or how she doesn't need a plan to do it! Her whip…it can hit a lot of things at once, but can also be careful, like how she grabbed that centipeetle when it attacked me! And when she's not using it, it kind of just lays around, just like Amethyst!"

The adults in the room break out into chuckles at this accurate assessment of the purple Gem.

"And Garnet, her weapons are big, tough, and strong, just like her! And she links her energy to the universe because…"

Steven trailed off, not sure where he was going with that. He puts his hands on his head and squeezes his eyes shut in concentration. "Because…"

"Ehh, ya shouldn't think too hard about how Garnet summons her weapons." Scout said, "It's probably something secret or 'mysterious' that she doesn't tell anyone about, don't sweat it."

Steven unclenches himself and nods at Scout, "But I think I get it now; the Gems have different ways of summoning their weapons because they have different personalities! Oh-and their weapons also have something to do with their personalities!"

Engineer smiled and clapped his hands; he was surprised that Steven was able to pick up the relationships between the weapons, summoning styles and the Gems themselves so quickly. The Texan had thought that it might've taken a bit more time.

"So, Steven," Engineer said, "What does that tell you about how you should summon your weapon?" Heck, maybe the kid had already figured out a way to summon his weapon just by learning this.

"It means…" Steven thought for a minute, "It means that I can summon my weapon by…doing something that…describes myself?"

Or maybe not.

"I'm still not sure how I can summon my weapon," The half-Gem looked up to the adults with a wide smile, "But now I think I have a better idea than when I started. Thank you guys so much for your help!"

"No problem, squirt," Scout said as he patted the young boy on his arm, "Hey, it beats going through with Medic's screwy experiments-"

"Ach."

"-or fighting some big, butt-ugly, Gem monster-mother or whatever."

Just then, dark red lights flickered to life and began pulsing slowly. A loud siren pierced the air, startling everyone up and out of their seats.

Steven fearfully looked around at the adults, not sure what was going on. "Guys, what's wrong-"

"Proximity warning." A female synthesized voice called over the speakers, "Unknown hostile Gem presence detected. Repeat; unknown hostile Gem presence detected."

Quick as a flash, Engineer whipped out his tablet and began furiously typing on the screen. The others, knowing better than to interrupt what was certainly important work, remained silent.

"It's not in the complex, that's for sure," The Texan finally answered, "But if it set off the proximity alert, then…"

Engineer held out his tablet, showing that it had switched to camera mode, and displayed it to the others. Onscreen, being recorded by a hidden camera in the beach house, was a section of the beach. On the beach stood Garnet, gauntlets at the ready, in front of what looked like a giant centipeetle. As the five watched, the giant centipeetle roared and lunged at the black-and-red Gem with its huge maw-only to end up with a mouthful of sand as Garnet leapt gracefully over the monster. Now high above her adversary, the Gem warrior dived down, fists poised to strike. But the centipeetle mother would have none of that as it swiftly twisted its tail at Garnet and smacked her away into a sand dune. The warrior spared but a moment before moving-deftly avoiding the stream of deadly acid the mother began spewing at her. Enraged, the monster released another vicious roar as it chased the warrior-moving out of the camera's range. Engineer quickly switched to a secondary vantage point; this one showing the warrior and the Gem fighting on the statue.

Steven watched all of this with steadily growing concern, wincing when Garnet took a hit, "She needs help!"

"Then she's gonna get it," Engineer replied with steel in his voice, typing away on his tablet, "I just sent out an alert to the rest of guys saying that the Temple is under attack. But it'll be a few minutes before they arrive, so right now we're all she's got."

Wordlessly, everyone began preparing. Medic threw on his traditional doctor's coat and pulled his rubber gloves over his hands. Once he was done, he then strapped an electrical-looking backpack to himself that was attached by a hose to a handheld device. Scout reached into his dimensional bat bag (developed by Mann Co., improved by Engineer) and pulled out a scattergun. Spy placed a cigarette into his mouth, lit it, and drew his magnum from his suit pockets. Engineer pulled his goggles back onto his face and replaced his tablet with a smaller PDA. He pressed a few buttons on the device and a small toolkit appeared at his feet in a flash of red light. The Texan heaved the toolbox over his shoulder and pressed something else on his PDA, causing the nearby dormant teleporter to activate-rotating quickly and emitting steady pulses of red light. Quickly, the four mercenaries made their way over and stood on the device as it was warming up.

"Steven, stay here." Spy cautioned.

The half-Gem blustered, "Can't I do something to help?"

"Yeah, don't get yourself killed." Scout said as he ejected some shells from his weapon.

"Ve can handle zhis, don't vorry."

"We'll lick that critter's hide and be back before ya know it." Engineer smiled with a tip of his hardhat.

Before Steven could protest further, the teleporter activated. The mercenaries were enveloped in light, there was a flash of red energy, and they were gone-leaving Steven alone in the room with a slowly-recharging teleporter.

Back on the surface, Garnet wasn't doing so hot. Though she wouldn't be the first to admit it. She hadn't taken too many hits for her to start feeling it, and she had successfully avoided all of the mother's caustic spittle so far, but it was clear this battle was not moving in her favor.

It wouldn't be so bad if she could just hit the damn thing. Garnet couldn't charge it from the front; every potential future she saw ended with her either getting a face-full of acid or being bitten in half. Trying to attack from behind after dodging a lunge only rewarded her with a smack from the creature's tail-not hard enough to hurt, but just enough to knock her back and stop her advance. If she dodged the tail-smack the mother just wriggled away and repositioned while Garnet had to steady herself. Attacks from above had a similar conclusion, where the mother either knocked her away, dodged, or attempted to coat her in acid.

Worse yet, the centipeetle's many legs offered it a strategic advantage on the craggy slopes of the Temple's statue, allowing it to cling onto hard-to-hit portions of the cliff and wait there until it wanted to strike. Garnet couldn't launch her rocket-fists at it while it was doing this; if the creature were to dodge-and Garnet saw a lot of futures where it did-or if Garnet were to somehow miss, the resulting explosion would create a rockslide. A rain of boulders directly over the beach house, even with the self-repairing materials, spelled disaster. What if the warp pad were to be destroyed? What if the complex was sealed off from the outside?

What if Steven, curious and caring as he was, were to emerge from the house and end up crushed by waves of falling rocks?

Garnet mentally pushed that train of thought to the corners of her mind; no, she would not be launching her gauntlets at the mother.

The centipeetle roared at her from its position on the rocky face of the cliff and scuttled forward in another lunging strike. Quickly looking through the future and all its possibilities, Garnet made a decision and dived to the left-

"Oof!"

-only for the monster's tail to catch the warrior directly in her abdomen. The Gem grunted as she was slammed back into a nearby boulder hard enough to lodge her there for a moment. It was easy enough to escape; she just needed a moment to focus.

But the mother was quick to capitalize on the warrior's moment of weakness. It threw its tail up against Garnet to keep her trapped. The mother lowered its head to Garnet's level and hissed viciously, acid dripping from her pincers.

Garnet struggled to escape the creature's hold as it prepared to blast her with acid. She briefly contemplated separating so that her smaller constituent parts could escape when the future shifted in her vision; there was only one way for her to escape now.

Luckily, that was also the only future she saw occurring within the next three seconds.

A small, spherical object sped through the air and collided directly with the side of the giant centipeetle's face. Which was consequently where the creature's Gem was located.

"Ding-dong!" A familiar, obnoxious voice split the air. Garnet smirked.

'Never doubted them for a second.'

A hit from a flying baseball-even one reinforced with carbon-fiber weaves-would not be enough to damage a Gem monster. Even a direct hit on the creature's Gem wouldn't cause any noticeable damage. But Garnet knew that a blunt, if ineffective, strike on the core of a Gem's being could cause the Gem to experience a sensation similar to organic vertigo.

Disoriented, the centipeetle mother didn't even register the smaller being as it sped to its side at an impressive pace. Once it was close enough to touch the monster's side the figure pressed something directly into one of its body segments.

"Chew on this, ya big ugly mother-!" Scout's words were drowned out by the loud blasts of his gun firing.

A scattergun from the 1960's wouldn't be able to do much to a gem monster of this magnitude; at best the gunner could hope to annoy it for a few seconds. At worst, a cocky soldier might find that the weapon's bullets were not strong enough to pierce the tough hide of the creature and he may end up as a small snack for the monster. A more modern scattergun might fare better, but again the most damage one could inflict-even by emptying the entire, six-shot clip at point-blank range-would be miniscule.

However, this was not Scout's old company-issued scattergun, nor was it an average military design; this was the 2015 Model-2X Gemtech-augmented Scattergun that shot modified ammo specifically designed to take down Gems and Gem monsters.

Scout affectionately referred to it as the Stone-Cold Killer.

As such, the first shot pierced the mother's hide, the second hit its more delicate innards, and the third turned those innards into dust and acidic goop.

However, by then the centipeetle mother had regained its facilities. It screeched out in pain and scuttled away from Scout, spraying acid at his position. The Bostonian darted away with ease and ejected the spent shells from his weapon before firing on the monster once more. Now further away, the shots weren't as damaging, but they certainly affected the mother. With a new and presently more dangerous enemy, the centipeetle mother began chasing the human mercenary. Thinking he would be easy prey, the corrupted Gem was surprised when the small figure, while unable to jump as far as its previous target and clearly not as physically strong, easily darted away from its attacks. It was almost as if this puny human was somehow faster and more agile than a Gem warrior!

Garnet-now unheeded by the monster's oppressive weight-gathered her strength and shattered her rock prison from the inside out. The Gem took a moment to assess her injuries; some scratches and bumps were not especially alarming, yet the mother had damaged her physical form in that last assault. Not dangerously so, but enough so that she had to expend more energy and focus just to keep in fighting shape. She looked up at Scout, who was evading the mother's attacks with practiced ease. The warrior knew from experience that he could persist for hours just dodging simple attacks, but the centipeetle mother was crafty and it would only take one good hit before he was down for the count. For how tough the mercenaries were, their augmentations didn't make them nearly as durable as even the most fragile Gem. He couldn't fight the mother alone.

"Frau Garnet!"

But then again, he certainly didn't have to.

Garnet turned and saw Medic running towards her, his medigun at the ready. When he reached the warrior he gave the Gem a once-over and tutted to himself.

"Good, for a moment I vas afraid you might actually need me."

A small smirk graced Garnet's face, "Your company certainly wouldn't be unwelcome."

The doctor released a barking laugh and pushed the lever on his medigun, a familiar and satisfying hum filling the air as pure energy flowed into Garnet's being, repairing what damage the centipeetle managed to inflict.

Medic's earlier mediguns had no effect on wounded Gems. Since their bodies were constructs of energy and light, there was no organic matter to repair. More recently however, the German scientist/doctor/sociopath had devised a new medigun that not only healed organic matter, but also exuded waves of energy that could be used to help hold a Gem's physical form together. It vastly shortened a Gem's regeneration period (with regards to amassing the energy necessary to reform, not when designing a new form to take on) when they were 'poofed', but had no effect when the Gem itself was damaged. Medic was still working on something for that. Gems also were unable to be ubercharged-that was an effect that was also exclusive to organics-but if 'healed' for a long time at once, Gems could retain a high energy reserve that dissipates naturally over time and is expended when the Gem suffers damage to their physical form. It provided a quick boost to a Gem's durability since any wounds take away from the added energy rather than take away from the Gem's own natural reserves. It was actually rather similar to the 'overheal' effect.

As the refreshing beams of energy began to fill her own natural reserves, Garnet turned to Medic, "Who else is here?"

"Engineer is somevhere amongst ze cliffs," Medic said as he gave a cursory glance to the rock face, "Looking for an optimal position to place his buildings. Spy is…around, but I highly doubt zhis mother has a spine vithin reach of his knife. He'll probably stick to support. As far as ve know, everyone else is en-route."

"What about Steven?"

"Ve ordered him to stay in zhe infirmary, but I vouldn't put it past him to get aboveground to see an 'epic Gem battle' or vhat have you."

Garnet looked into the future for a moment. "…It's not likely that he'll get injured in this fight…"

Medic narrowed his eyes, "You mean he's going to get involved somehow."

Garnet said nothing. Medic took this as an affirmative and squeezed the bridge of his nose.

"Alright, fine. Vhatever." The German said, though he was clearly miffed. "Let's just kill zhis thing and reprimand him later. Are you ready?"

Garnet nodded and hefted her gauntlets. "Let's go-"

"Aw crap, LOOK OUT!"

The doctor and the warrior turned to see Scout fleeing towards them, the centipeetle mother hot on his heels and spewing a steady stream of acid.

Thinking quickly, Garnet picked up Medic (he squawked a bit at this) with one hand and grasped Scout in the other. Before the centipeetle mother could re-acquire her targets, Garnet leapt high into the air and landed behind one of the temple's fallen hands. Now with a brief respite the Gem set down her two unwilling passengers.

Scout dusted himself off, "Ey, thanks G; damn bug feinted and got me runnin'. How you holdin' up, doc?"

The doctor, thoroughly disgruntled, adjusted his spectacles before glaring at the runner. "I am just fine, zhank you." He then noticed some minor (some major) scrapes on Scout's legs and arms. Medic turned his 'weapon' on the Scout. "Let me take care of zhose."

At that moment, the centipeetle mother choose the perfect time to attack; by spewing acid from the other side of her prey's cover and slowly wearing it down.

"We need to move." Garnet shouted, over the sound of vicious hissing.

"Where to?! That acid crap is everywhere!"

Medic looked at the side of his medigun, "Twenty seconds until I can activate zhe shield; it will be close, but I believe zhat-"

"Hey!"

A small pebble hit the giant centipeetle in the back of the head, drawing its attention to yet another target. It whipped its head around to face this new threat.

Further up on the hill, Steven himself stood next to the (now filled) Cookie Cat freezer, somehow managing to look threatening and cute at the same time. "Leave them alone!"

To the centipeetle mother, Steven looked like a mildly annoying snack.

To Scout, Medic, and Garnet, it was the single most terrifying thing they had ever seen in their entire lives.

"Steven no!"

"GET DOWN FROM ZHERE AND GO BACK INSIDE ZHIS INSTANT!"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YA DOIN'?!"

"I'm helping you guys!"

Steven unwrapped a Cookie Cat and ate it all one bite, "Crystal Gem powers…ACTIVATE!"

…

…

…

Nothing happened. Not even a slight glow.

Steven stared down at his gem in frustration, "Arrgh, come on! It worked last time!"

He snapped his head up when he heard the hisses from the approaching centipeetle mother. Without a weapon, and armed only with several Cookie Cats and a freezer, Steven quickly began backing away.

"Yo, we gotta stop that thing before it eats him!" Scout said.

"Come on!" Garnet said, jumping out of cover and sprinting to the young boy, with Scout and Medic following closely behind.

Steven meanwhile, has just downed multiple Cookie Cats at once with the hope that something would happen. The results were very much the same as before.

"Why isn't this working?" Steven yells as he backs away from the centipeetle mother. He stares down at his gem and starts poking it in desperation. "Please give me something! Anything!"

"STEVEN LOOK OUT!"

The half-Gem looks up at Garnet's cry and finds himself almost face-to-face with the monster. Before Steven could even utter a terrified plea, the centipeetle stands up on its hind legs and lungs forward, snapping its jaws.

Something tackles Steven to the side, causing the boy to fall face-first into the dirt with a pathetic 'oof''. Turning around, Steven searches for his savior when he notices the centipeetle mother messing with something in its jaws.

He freezes in terror once he realizes what-or rather who-it is.

Limp in the mother's pincers was no other than Spy, sporting his trademark suit. Steven couldn't see the Frenchman's face, but he was certain that he was dead. The mother whipped the Spy's body around like a rag doll; the Frenchman didn't react in the slightest.

It was horrifying to witness, and Steven was lucky that there wasn't any blood, but how could a living person survive being crunched in half like that?

A hand fell on the boy's shoulder and a loud, piercing electrical whine split the air.

"Steven." A voice said.

Steven whipped his head around to find-

Spy.

It was an exact, living copy of the man that was currently being whipped around like a rag doll in the grasp of a gigantic Gem monster. And, aside from some slight tears and scuffs on his suit, he looked no worse for wear.

"Whaaaaaa…" Steven stared dumbly.

By way of response, Spy held up a pocket watch that was flipped open, revealing a circular meter that was slowly refilling.

The Dead Ringer.

Steven could've slapped himself; Spy had shown him that particular watch on his tenth birthday, and even let him try it once. It was a bit unsettling to see his dead 'self' a few feet away after jumping off his couch, but he later admitted that it was amazing. Of course Spy wouldn't let himself get taken out by some giant bug monster; he was too good for that.

"Are you alright?" Spy asked.

Steven shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Yeah…yeah I'm okay, thanks for saving me!"

"My pleasure."

Unfortunately, Spy's holo-clone dispersed just then. The centipeetle mother looked around in confusion before its gaze landed on a perfect replica of the creature she had just killed and its smaller companion. It turned around and screeched at the duo; Steven backing up against Spy while the Frenchman aimed his revolver at the monster.

He wouldn't get the chance to fire, however, as Garnet choose that time to make her move.

Leaping into the path of the centipeetle-looking for all the world like a superhero-Garnet caught both of the pincers in her large gauntlets and held the creature still. She glanced behind her briefly while she struggled to hold back the monster's impressive weight. "Steven…!"

The half-Gem looked at the creature's jaws; acid was curling off of the jagged fangs and dripping onto Garnet's weapons, slowly eroding them. If that acid ate all the way through, then…

"No…Oh,no no no no no!" Steven panics, looking around for something to use when his eyes fell on the partially-destroyed Cookie Cat freezer. He bolts towards it.

"Steven, what are you doing?!"

The half-Gem ignores Spy and instead starts mumbling a mantra to himself.

"Cookie Cat, he's a pet for your tummy…"

Steven reaches the freezer at the same time Scout and Medic reach the centipeetle. Scout and Spy open fire on the creature, weakening it. Medic hurries behind Garnet and starts pumping energy into her Gems, restoring the weapons and counteracting the effect of the acid.

"Cookie Cat, he's super duper yummy…"

The centipeetle mother, now heavily wounded, thrashes about, throwing Scout in front of it and pushing Garnet a few feet back. Spy takes a moment to reload his weapon. Medic yells something about being 'too close' but continues to heal Garnet. Steven picks up the freezer and holds it over his head, determination in his eyes.

"Cookie Cat, he left his family behind! Cookie CAAAAT!"

Steven heaves the freezer at the mother and is rewarded when the device breaks on impact, sending waves of electricity through the Gem monster. The mother releases its hold on Garnet and shrieks to high-heaven, twitching and spasming; losing control of its body for a few seconds. Garnet and the mercs look on in amazement. Steven falls to his knees, spent.

"Now available…nowhere." He finishes sadly.

Spy presses two fingers to his ear, "NOW!"

From behind a fairly-tall rock, Engineer emerges and plops his toolkit down. He raises his gloved hand, wrench in grasp, and one could see a vicious gleam in his eye.

"Sentry, goin' up."

With a mighty swing, Engineer brings his wrench down on the toolkit, a satisfying *clank* echoing.

During the RED and BLU wars of late 1960, Engineer had to frequently disassemble and reassemble his buildings in combat; thus, he couldn't always keep the constructs at their most advanced state-poor conditions both on and off the battlefield saw to that.

Now though, Engineer could leave his unused buildings in a clean, closed environment to prevent rusting and erosion to the components. He had more than enough free time to perform regular maintenance to prevent degradation of materials. That's saying nothing of the advanced, alien technology the Texan genius now had access to.

As such, when Engineer whacked the closed toolkit, a puny level-1 Sentry Gun didn't start building itself.

No, a level-4 Sentry Gun, Specialization: Bulletstorm unfolded almost instantaneously and quickly acquired its target.

Previously, Engineer's Sentry Guns all had bullet weapons, with his level-2 and level-3 versions having two six-barreled chain-guns each. His level-3 Sentries always had a rocket pod that launched 4 circulating rockets at the target as well as a barrage of bullets.

However, Engineer realized that sticking to one, constant design was both boring and easy to plan against, and so he built different Sentry Guns with varying specializations to suit certain circumstances.

The Specialization: Bulletstorm Sentry was all about bullets. The level 1-asthetically similar to the old level-1 all-purpose Sentry- had a single chain-gun that belted out rounds at an impressive speed. The level 2 version gained an additional chain-gun and increased the rate of fire for each weapon. It added a third arm on level 3 and increased its effective range as well.

The level-4 type had a total of six fully-rotating chain-guns, a severely boosted fire rate for each weapon, and allowed each individual arm to be independently targeting, giving the Sentry the ability to target up to six different enemies at once.

Though right now, there was only one target to focus on.

*bebeep-bebeep-bebeep-bebeep-bebeep-bebeep*

Were Engineer a philosophical man, he would liken the sound of his Sentry Gun acquiring a target to that of an angel's choir announcing the arrival of a coming prophet. Were Engineer an artistic man, he would also compare the sound of the Sentry firing all of its guns at a single target to the sound of an angry god smiting his foes with fearsome power.

But was neither philosophical, nor exceedingly artistic, so he just admired the sounds for what they were:

The death knell of his enemies.

All at once, the six arms of the Sentry began belting bullets into the hide of the mother centipeetle at an absurdly high rate. The monster screeched in pain as the anti-Gem rounds ate away at its very being-bits and pieces of it falling off and disappearing. It backed away-partially due to its terror and partially due to the high velocity and knockback of the Sentry's weapons-screeching and screaming until it finally escaped the auto-detecting range of the deadly machine.

But not before the weapon had severely damaged it. Its once-lustrous white mane was falling out, and what pieces remained were ratty and full of holes. Half of its legs had either been crippled or were completely broken off-wisps of dust and Gem energy escaping through the stumps. Its spiked tail had been severed, and countless holes decorated its body like a fine Swiss cheese.

Garnet and the mercenaries were ecstatic.

"Hell yeah!" Scout whooped.

"Vunderbar!" Medic cheered.

"Now we take it down." Garnet said as she moved in to strike; Spy, Medic and Scout close behind.

The giant centipeetle, defiant to the last, hissed feebly and attempted to spew acid at the approaching foes, but couldn't summon the strength to spit the caustic liquid. The acid pooled around its jaws at it tried to escape.

Spy's high-powered shots pierced what remained of its carapace and halted its retreat. Scout rushed up and blasted the creature in one of segments, destroying it completely. Medic, not one to be left out, pulled out his (vastly improved) syringe gun and let loose, doing a considerable amount of damage.

But the final blow went to Garnet, who leapt several stories into the air and flew down towards her target like an angry square meteorite mom. Scout jumped away from the monster once he realized Garnet's plan; not keen on staying within the blast zone.

The centipeetle mother gave a final screech in desperation before Garnet hit ground zero with a massive *fwoooooom*, tossing up a huge cloud of sand and Gem dust that blanketed the area. After a few seconds, Garnet emerged from the dust cloud with the centipeetle's gem floating a bubble in her hand. She tapped the top of it, causing both the bubble and gem to teleport to the Lava Room of the temple.

For a moment, nothing was said. It was actually kind of peaceful.

Of course, such a thing cannot last.

"WE DID IT!" Scout cheered, pumping his fists to the sky and letting out a long, victorious whoop. "We freakin' owned that dumb bug!"

"Aw, what? We missed the fight?"

Garnet turned around, noticing that the other Gems and mercenaries had finally arrived, all of them toting weapons. Pearl, Sniper and Heavy looked pleased that the situation had resolved itself without anyone getting hurt. But Soldier and Amethyst looked majorly disappointed that they had missed what appeared to have been such a huge battle.

Scout smirked, "Ya snooze, ya lose! Maybe you would'a arrived quicker if ya all weren't so darn slow."

"Dammit!" Soldier said, tossing his rocket launcher down in frustration. "I knew we would miss the battle!" He then rounded on Pearl, who had just dispelled her spear, "You should've let me and Demoman go ahead!"

The white Gem crossed her arms and glared at the patriot, "I am not about to let either of you just fire those crude weapons haphazardly and put the citizens in danger just because you wanted to get somewhere faster!"

"Psh, we would've been careful!"

"The last time you were careful with your 'rocket jumping', you blew up half the boardwalk!"

"I needed to get a height advantage on that flying Gem-maggot," Soldier protested, "Besides, I put out the fires afterwards."

"YOU MADE THEM WORSE! I STILL HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOU DID THAT!"

"Enough," Heavy said as he stepped between the two and lightly pushed them apart. The Russian gave Soldier a level glare, "Do not 'explosive jump' near civilians except for emergencies. Is dangerous."

Soldier grumbled and turned away, but he finally nodded. Heavy then turned to Pearl.

"Rocket-jumping is fast way to help friends. Not all of us are quick on foot."

Pearl sighed and looked down, "Just so long as he avoids putting more humans in danger than he's saving, I suppose it is alright."

"Good." Heavy rumbled.

"Ey lads and lass," Demoman spoke up, surveying the carnage. "What did we miss?"

"Oh it was epic." Scout said, holding his hands like a child would describing his favorite movie. He then waved his hands pointing to Garnet. "It was all big G here! She was fighting this big ol' bug all by herself, and kicking its ass-" Garnet smiled at the overly positive assessment, "-but we figured we'd give her a hand just in case. So I come runnin', and nail the ugly mother in the mug. I move up, pop pop pop, three shots, and then it gets angry and starts chasing me. I'm backpedaling and I'm backpedaling, hitting the sucker when it gets close enough, staying out of reach, when the bitch goes and pulls a feint! I almost get soaked in acid when Garnet picks me and doc up and lugs us over to cover. We get our crap together, patch ourselves up, and the bugger goes and starts spraying acid all over our cover! So now we're stuck in a bad position, doc says he almost has his shield ready, when all of a sudden Steven gets-"

It suddenly occurs to the four fighters that they had neglected something rather important.

"STEVEN!" They all cry out at once, before looking up to where they last saw the boy.

Halfway up the hill, Steven is kneeling next to the wreck of his Cookie Cat freezer, watching as the ice cream and cookie bits melt into the ground. Engineer, after having packed up his Sentry, slid down from his position and stood next to the boy.

"Farewell, sweet Cookie Cats," Steven laments, "I'll always remember the time we spent together." His stomach rumbles slightly and Steven shushes it. "Hush now." He whispers.

Engineer looks between the boy and the ruined ice cream a few times. "Do you uh…need a minute?"

"Maybe…" Steven sniffs.

"…Are you crying?"

"ONLY A LITTLE!"

"STEVEN!" Eleven voices cried out.

The mourning boy turned when he heard his name and was nearly bowled over by a wave of concerned Gem-moms and mercenary-dads.

Pearl was the first to reach him, "Oh my stars, Steven! Are you hurt?" She asked, fussing over the boy's ruffled and dirty clothes.

"…No, I'm good."

"Ya sure?" Sniper spoke up as he peered over the shoulders of his comparatively shorter teammates.

"Yes…?"

"Good," Medic said, coming up behind Steven and giving him a look. "Zhen you von't mind telling us vhy you charged out onto zhe battlefield armed vith only a freezer and ice cream?"

Steven blushed and looked down, not wanting to look into the sea of disappointed and concerned faces assaulting him. "Well…"

"I can answer this."

Everyone turned their attention to Engineer. "Yasee, Steven here thought that, since he managed to get his Gem to glow before when he ate Cookie Cats, that eating them had something to do with summoning his weapon. Obviously, that isn't the case." The crowd followed Engineer's gaze as he looked at the ruined freezer.

Pearl looked worriedly at the young half-Gem, "Steven…is this true?"

Steven cast his eyes to the ground and nodded, "I just wanted to help Garnet and the others…"

Pearl sighed and lifted the boy's chin so that he could see the soft smile on her face, "Oh Steven, as cute as it would be I don't think your powers come from eating ice cream. But don't worry," She quickly added when Steven began to look even more downcast, "I'm sure some day you'll figure out how to activate your gem."

"Yes," Garnet said, giving the boy a smile of her own, "In your special Steven-y way."

Steven looked around, and instead of expressions of disapproval and concern, he found looks of quiet and warm encouragement-Pyro gave him a thumbs-up. He couldn't help the smile that started to grow on his own face.

"And you managed to help us out as well," Spy commented, "Engineer had just moved into position when the monster pinned us back. If you hadn't stunned it when you did, we might've been in trouble."

Steven's smile grew wider, "Haha, thanks." His expression then saddened; "I just wish I didn't have to sacrifice the awesome gift you guys spent so much to get for me. Now there's no more Cookie Cats anywhere."

There was a moment of silence as everyone looked at the ruins of the freezer once more.

On the edge of the crowd, out of everyone's direct sight, Scout and Amethyst looked at each other.

Scout nodded his head in Steven's direction.

Amethyst shook her head and inclined her head at the runner.

Scout looked taken aback before making an 'x' gesture with his hands. He then pointed back at the purple gem.

Amethyst mouthed 'no'.

Sound narrowed his eyes and mouthed back 'carnival''.

Amethyst blanched and wordlessly struggled for a counterpoint before glaring at her partner.

Scout crossed his arms. He was resolute.

Amethyst sighed and turned back to the group.

"Um…actually Steven, that's not exactly true…"

Everyone looked to the purple Gem in confusion.

"What do you mean, Amethyst?" Steven asked.

The Gem smiled nervously and her eyes refused to meet anyone's gaze. "Heh heh…Well, you know how I said that me and Scout robbed a convenience store earlier? And that P. and Engie went back and paid for them?"

Steven nodded, his expression still the picture of confusion.

Pearl narrowed her eyes at the short Gem. "Amethyst…where exactly are going with this?"

Garnet sighed and shook her head, "I should've seen this sooner."

"Garnet, what are you talking abo-" Realization dawned in the pale Gem's eyes. She whirled around, glaring daggers at Amethyst. "You didn't…"

Engineer sighed.

Amethyst nodded slowly, a nervous smile almost permanently etched into her face. "We kinda did…"

Pearl massaged her Gem as if it would still the oncoming headache. "What did you take?"

"Well…"

"YOU STOLE AN ENTIRE TRAILER?!"

"Two trailers, actually. They were attached."

Pearl underwent a fit of twitching and squawking as she tried and failed to come up with the words to admonish Amethyst as she carelessly tossed the pale Gem's concerns out the window.

Currently the Gems and the mercenaries (plus Steven) were standing in an old facility in the far North and admiring the two large steel trailers that Scout and Amethyst somehow managed to steal.

After Amethyst's pressured confession, she and Scout led everyone northward (by use of teleporters) to Snowy Coast; an aptly-named subsidiary of Reliable Excavations and Demolitions that was perched on top of a snow-covered cliff. Snow fell almost constantly around the modest collection of buildings. Seeing as how it was once a battleground for the mercenaries of RED and BLU, everything from the factory walls to the chain-link fences were constructed out of the same self-repairing materials Engineer adapted for use on the beach house. So everything was kept in pretty good condition, even without regular maintenance.

Which was good, since the entire facility had essentially been abandoned after Mann Co.'s downfall in 1972.

It was a secret, out-of-the-way location that very few knew about, and was incredibly difficult to access without knowledge of the factory's secret entrances. A perfect location if one wanted to hide a body.

Err…I mean the perfect location to hide evidence of both grand theft auto and illegally obtained goods.

The Cookie Cat trailers were placed on the ground at the far end of the facility-the coastal shipping and receiving. They were a bright pink/red, and had their namesake character Cookie Cat emblazoned on both sides. In the feline's outstretched paw was a singular Cookie Cat ice cream sandwich, and beneath him were the words 'Cookie Cat! A pet for your tummy!' painted in bold lettering. The truck's head and wheel attachments lay discarded nearby.

The second Pearl had set her gaze on them a tick had developed in her left eye. She then proceeded to repeatedly open and close her mouth several times before finally finding her voice and using it to shout at Amethyst.

Engineer-who was standing near the pale Gem-had just sighed, pulled out his tablet, and began typing something into it, doing his best to ignore Amethyst's admonishment at Pearl's hands.

The purple Gem stood next to her co-compatriot, Scout, and the two were doing their best to ignore and/or dismiss Pearl's worries. They didn't seem to be doing a good enough job.

Pyro had started a small campfire a short distance from the trailers; while the Gems and mercenaries were highly resistant to the change in temperature-the mercenaries less so-Steven had decided to come along. He possessed neither the natural resistance against extreme heat and cold, and was not experienced enough to just ignore it. Steven was currently sitting in front of a small but warm fire brought to life from some nearby wooden boards.

Soldier, Demoman, Heavy and Garnet were all messing with the locks on the trailers as they tried to get them open without damaging the delicate treats inside. Medic, Sniper and Spy stood by on lookout, but kept an eye on the floundering Pearl as she squawked at the two thieves.

The rest of the mercenaries, and even Garnet, had already accepted that trying to curb Amethyst's and Scout's impulsive natures is a lot like trying to trying to get water to stop being wet. As such, they stopped indirectly giving themselves coronaries and just dealt with the problems the two brought to the table. Admittedly they fixed many more problems than they caused, and the issues that did arise due to their actions were usually of (relatively) small magnitude. Unfortunately, Pearl seemed to be unable to just let them go.

"Alrigh' I think I got it…" Demoman said as he pushed a lever. A satisfying *clunk* of large tumblers shifting was heard. "Try it now." He said to Garnet.

"I could've just ripped it open." The ebony Gem stepped up and threw open the doors.

"Don't want to damage treats." Heavy said as he peered inside.

The entire trailer was packed full of unlabeled crates and refrigeration units, to the point where they looked like a single solid mass. Garnet reached up and grabbed a box from the top. She tore through the week packing tape on the container and opened it.

Inside were more boxes, but these were decorated with a familiar color and face.

"Cookie Cats." Soldier said, looking up to the rest of the crates in the trailer, "There's probably hundreds of these things in just one trailer." He looked over to Scout and Amethyst and sneered.

"I'm both very proud and very angry with those two right now." He grumbled.

"Oh my gosh…" Steven said, walking over to those gathered at the trailers. He looked into the crate Garnet had set down with huge stars in his eyes. "There's…so many of them." He whispered.

"Don't eat anymore now." Garnet cautioned with a small smile. "You'll spoil your dinner."

"Ok…"

"We'll just keep these things here for the time being." Demoman said as he closed the trailer doors and locked them. "Ain't like we got freezer space for 'em anyhow."

"Engineer will fix Cat Cookie freezer Steven, do not worry." The Russian said to Steven.

"Let's check in with Pearl and see if she's done yelling at those two yet." Demoman said, picking up the shell-shocked Steven.

"Probably not; I wouldn't be." Soldier said as they started walking. "I'm still upset that they didn't include me too…"

Meanwhile…

"How did you two even manage this?!" Pearl finally hissed at Scout and Amethyst.

Rather than shame the duo, this statement somehow managed to excite them. Pearl's tick became more intense.

"Oh, it was actually pretty easy," Scout said as he stepped forward, "Amy and I used Engie's supercomputer to figure out where they were shippin' these trailers. Most of 'em were waaaaay out of reach, but this one sucker was gonna pass real close to here."

Amethyst cut in with a self-satisfied smile. "So me and Scout decide to steal 'em for Steven. We had this great plan to, you should be proud."

At this point Pearl was trying very hard to grind her teeth. "And what exactly did this great plan entail?"

"It went a little bit like..."

"So here's what we're gonna do; we teleport to here-Snowy Coast, right?-and move into position."

"Uh-huh."

"Once we see the guy, I'll shapeshift into some animal-Idunno what exactly, a deer or somethin'-and jump in front of the truck."

"And once this chucklehead comes and checks out what he hit, I'll come out swingin'!"

"Exactly! Then we take the truck and drive back to Snowy Coast and drop off the trailer there!"

"Since it's always so friggin' cold there, the ice cream should be fine! This is the BEST plan ever!"

"I know, right?!"

"-of course, we didn't know there were actually two trailers instead of just one, but I like to think that it was a reward for a job well done." Amethyst finished

"And don't worry about the guy I clubbed, we dropped him off at a nearby hospital. He didn't even see me, and who's he gonna blame for stealin' his truck? A purple deer? Psh, please." Scout added.

Pearl stood twitching in front of the two thieves, her entire head flushed blue. She seemed to be incapable of nothing but wordless rage at this point.

"Well, at least you remembered to take out the tracker that was in the truck." Engineer said as he looked at the scans he obtained of the hauler. He tapped something on his tablet and the teleporter behind him started rotating in the opposite direction.

"Of course we did," Amethyst said, giving the Texan a dry look, "Do we look like amateurs to you?"

At this, Pearl seemed to regain her ability to speak. "Wha-We are not done talking about this!"

"You're the only one talking, P."

The pale Gem bristled. "Scout, we seriously need to discuss your and Amethyst's disregard for rules-"

"Do we really?" Spy said as he passed, "I highly doubt that will do much."

"Besides, this actually isn't that bad." Sniper inclined to Medic, "Remember that one time in Dustbowl?"

"You need to be more specific."

"1986."

"Auch, only in my nightmares."

Pearl stammered as she looked at the passing mercenaries, trying desperately to find a hold where she could get a word in. "B-b-but…but…"

"Pearl, I understand." Soldier said as he clapped a hand down on the Gem's shoulder, causing Pearl to shriek quietly and step away. "You're upset that these two maggots didn't think to include you in their heist-"

"That is the opposite of why I am upset!"

"-and I can sympathize; it was really a great plan. But there's no use in staying upset at them when they've done such a great thing for Steven."

"You're not even listening to me, are you?"

"Pearl."

The aforementioned Gem looked to Garnet when she heard her name. "…Yes Garnet?"

The Gem warrior adjusted her shades. "Let it go."

Then she walked off without another word.

Pearl stood quietly in the snow for a little while. Then she sighed and rubbed her Gem in frustration.

"Why do I even bother?" She grumbled to herself.

"Cause you're more stubborn than the rest of us." Engineer said before offering his gloved hand. "C'mon now, I've got the perfect thing to take your mind off of this: cleaning up the temple. And afterwards, maybe you could take a look at this little project Medic and I are working on."

Pearl gave the Texan a quizzical look.

"No, it doesn't have anything to do with bringing the dead back to life."

"…"

"Nothing to do with baboon uteruses either."

"…Fine. But I get to put the freezer back together." Pearl said as she took Engineer's hand.

He grinned. "Alrighty."

The two began walking back to the teleporter that would take them home.

"Amethyst, Scout, you guys are the best!"

"Steven, do NOT encourage them!"

"Hehe, thanks little man! Maybe we'll take you along for our next job!"

"Amethyst, I swear…"

AN: And there you have it! The first chapter of Team Universe finished! For anybody wondering, I'm a huge member of both fandoms and this idea came to me out of the blue once I saw 'It Could've Been Great'. The crazy-looking map of the world got to me, and the size of Australia reminded me of TF2. So this was born. Don't worry about the lack of backstory and hints to weird things: in true Steven Universe fashion, we'll start at the middle and fill in the edges as we go on. Such questions as 'How are the mercenaries connected to the Gems?', 'Why do the mercenaries keep saying that they're augmented?', 'What happened to Mann Co.?', 'What about Gray?' and 'What the hell are you thinking?' will be answered in time.

For those of you wondering why I had Garnet struggle in the fight with the centipeetle, I needed there to be a situation where some of the mercenaries can show off their skills. More on those in later chapters.

Also, don't take this chapter as indicative of average chapter length; this was long because I wanted to introduce as many characters and new aspects as possible. Most chapters will be shorter or split into parts, some may even be longer.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and are looking forward to the next!

Leave a review! I consume the emotional energy from them to write faster.