Title: The path I fear to tread
Author: Jessica
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Feedback: YES [email protected]
Pairing: Luke/Lorelai.
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: Lorelai is getting married to Max. Luke's POV
AUTHORS NOTE: I know, I know, I know...Max and Lorelai broke up.
But this is my story...So I will have it my way :)
This is inspired by the movie "Sense and Sensibility".
I just love that movie. I always cry like a baby every time I see it.
If you haven't seen it or read the book, then you're missing something
great. Thank you once again to Amy for once again helping me..
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
--------------------------------------
I watch her from a distance.
I want to go to her but I know that I shouldn't.
It's not my place.
It has never been my place.
We keep our distance.
She is sitting and talking to Rory at the table by the window.
Sometimes I don't know what to call us.
Friends.
There come days when my heart whispers something else.
Some nights she graces me with her presence in my dreams.
I try to reach her there, somewhere between awake and asleep.
But I can never reach her.
She always slips from my hand and I wake with an aching heart.
I know that I'm acting like a fool.
I have never done anything foolish in my life and I don't intend to
do something now.
She is getting married.
Two days has gone by since she came rushing into the diner with
a smile that I only could compare to staring right into the sun.
She showed me the ring and told me the big news.
She smiled.
She was on fire.
Max.
He was the man that had put that fire in her eyes.
He had reached inside her and lit that candle that had been gone
for so long.
She deserved this.
Happiness.
I remember the talks we have had.
About happiness.
Maybe it's wrong to call them talks.
We never talk.
She talks and I listen.
But I know about that longing she carries around.
He has given her everything that she wanted.
When she spoke that word "marriage" something inside of me broke.
It happened so fast.
During one sunny afternoon.
It's funny how fast a heart can break.
I thought I was strong.
My heart has taken a lot of damage but I have never let it shatter.
Never.
Until now.
Until her.
I just stood there watching as this angel told me everything.
I wonder if she could see it in my eyes.
I wonder if she heard that second that my heart broke into millions of
tiny small pieces.
I guess not.
She has finished her coffee now and she rises and walks up to the
counter.
She is dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.
Her eyes meet mine and she smiles.
I curse that smile.
She knows how it affects me.
She must know.
"More, coffee...please, LUKAS!"
"You know this stuff will kill you."
She laughs.
Damn that laugh.
I surrender as I always do and reach for the coffeepot.
She gives me another killing smile and returns to the table.
I return to my usual place at the counter.
I let my eyes gaze over the diner.
My home.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to leave this place behind.
I have always dreamed about seeing the world.
But I know that all I will get to see of the world is from my TV.
I'm born in this town and I will probably die here.
I just wish sometimes that things would be different.
That I had the guts to follow my dreams.
To take what I want.
Call me a coward, for that is exactly what I am.
My dreams are beyond control these days.
I know now that I will never see them come true.
I will never find the courage to take what I want.
I'm not like that.
I have never been like that.
You might say that I'm something in between.
I have gone against this town several times.
I have stood up for what I believe in.
But I have ever listened, really listened, to my heart.
Until now.
As I stand here all I can here is a plead, a begging, to find love.
I know, it sounds silly.
But have you ever craved for something for so long that you have
finally given up.
I have.
Love.
I have known love.
I have been loved.
But it's just that I have never ever fallen in love.
I have searched, believe me.
I have tried.
I have even acted, thinking things might change.
But I have never felt the sweet release of love.
You might call Rachel my first love.
And that would not be lying.
I loved her in some ways and in some ways not.
I can't explain it.
I just know that she wasn't the one.
The one is someone I can't have.
I don't know when love struck me.
There are days when I curse the day she walked into my life.
But it was a blessing.
I don't believe in god but sometimes when the dark is creeping too
close I think she is the closest to heaven I will ever come.
Now she will never be mine.
Sometimes it feels like I have known her forever, several lifetimes.
I can't remember life before her and I can't see my life without her.
I know, this isn't the picture you have of me.
It's not my picture either.
But something inside of me is screaming in pain.
And I don't know how to mend it.
They rise, her and Rory.
They wave goodbye and then they are gone.
My hands tremble as I reached for the coffeepot to offer another
round for my customers.
I mutter to myself:
"Get a grip, Luke."
Then I return to the job.
----------------------------------------
Dark clouds came in from the west and brought with them the first
Summer rain.
The night fell over Stars Hollow and my diner became empty.
People hurried home to the warmth of their loved ones and left me
where I stand now.
Alone.
I feel tired.
My legs feel weak as I walk to the door and turn the "open" sign
to "closed."
I sigh.
Another day has gone by.
I used to think that the days go by so slowly.
These days I wish I could stop time.
I laugh.
Silly.
I just wish I could prevent what will happen in some way.
Some might say that I should tell her what's in my heart.
But the truth is that I don't know.
All I know is that I can't lose her.
That would be the death of me.
I know that now.
But there is nothing I can do to stop my own death.
She doesn't want me.
He is perfect for her.
No one can say otherwise.
A knock on the door.
I go to the door and turn the key.
He is standing outside my door.
Max.
I have only met him one time before.
Now he is standing outside my door.
"Mr. Danes. May I come in?"
I let him into my home, the diner.
"Call me Luke. Mr. Danes is my father."
He smiles.
"She told me you might say that."
"Why are you here, Mr. Medina?"
"Max."
"Max, why are you here?"
"I wanted to talk to you."
"About what?"
"Lorelai."
"Okay..."
"You two are friends?"
"Yes..."
"You have known her for how long?"
"Forever..."
"We are getting married..."
"Yeah, she told me..."
"I just wanted to check that everything is okay between us."
"You and me?"
"Yeah."
"Sure.."
"I just got the feeling when I was in here the last time with
Lorelai that something was going on between the two of you."
"No, you're wrong."
"Good."
He turns to leave.
My bleeding heart is beating like crazy.
God, I want to hate this man.
I want so much to hate the man that is taking her from me.
But I can't.
I'm weak.
I can't even dislike my rival.
"Don't hurt her."
He turns around and looks at me.
"I could never..."
Our eyes meet.
"If I ever find out that you have done something to harm her. I swear
I'll hunt you down and.."
"I swear I'll never hurt her."
"Good."
He walks to the door.
It's getting harder to breathe as I say his name.
He turns around and looks me.
"Take care of her."
He smiles.
"I will."
Then he was gone out the door.
And the rain kept falling.
--------------------------------------------
I turned of the light in the diner and climbed the steps to
my apartment.
The silence of the night reached me and made me shiver.
I used to like the silence.
I used to like being alone.
These days I hate it.
It's causing me harm.
But I don't know how to break these chains that are causing me
so much harm.
I'm not asking for much.
I just want someone.
I wonder what it would be like to wake up beside the one you love.
To see her sleep.
To talk to her while the moon kept us company.
To laugh with.
To hold.
To cherish.
God, it hurts.
This longing inside.
It's like someone have pushed a knife through my heart.
But this is something I have to live with.
You can learn to live with pain.
You can learn to live alone.
Another knock on my door.
I walk downstairs.
I stumble through the door and open the door.
She is at my door.
Soaking wet.
She shivers as she says my name.
I pull her inside.
"Why are you here, Lorelai? You shouldn't walk in this rain."
"Oh, it's nothing."
She smiles.
I want to wrap my arms around her.
But I keep my distance as I always do.
"Do you want some coffee? Tea? Let me make you some tea.."
"Oh, you're offering...hmm...Coffee, not tea."
"Sure."
She sits down at a table.
I run upstairs and take a blanket from my bed.
My hands tremble as I wrap it around her.
For a moment my hand brushes against her cheek and I tremble.
I go to the kitchen and put on a fresh pot.
Then I return to her and sit down opposite her.
Her eyes seem to glow.
Or maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me.
"I wanted to talk to you, Luke."
"You to?"
"What do you mean?"
"Max was here."
"Max, when?"
"An hour ago or so."
"What did he want?"
"He wanted to know if everything was okay between us."
"Between us?"
"Yes."
"What did you say?"
I looked into her eyes searching for something, anything that might
bring my soul that hope that it so desperately needed.
But I find nothing.
"That everything was okay. Nothing is going on."
"Good."
Silence followed.
I rose to get the coffee.
She smiled when she got it.
I sat down again.
"What did you want to talk about?"
"Oh ...I just..."
"What?"
"I just wanted to invite you to the wedding."
Her words were like a punch in the stomach.
I have never known pain like that.
For a moment I had let myself believe that she had come for something
different, something else.
Foolish.
My soul cried as I spoke:
"Thank you. Of course I'll come."
She smiled and took my hand.
Lightning struck my heart in that second.
Her hand was so warm in mine.
I wanted to pull her to me and never let her go.
I wanted to lock her inside until she loves me.
I wanted to tell her.
But I couldn't.
I couldn't even speak those three small words.
"Thank you, Luke. You are a good friend."
Friend.
Friend.
Friend.
That word kept playing over and over in my head like a broken record.
I never thought a word could hurt me so.
But it did.
She let go of my hand and rose.
I was already missing her touch.
I wanted to brand the feeling of her hand in mine forever.
But the moment kept slipping away for every second that past.
She walked towards the door.
She opened the door and looked straight at me.
Then she spoke:
"Is there any reason why I shouldn't marry Max?"
Please, love me! Love me! Please, god, love me!
It was a plead from a broken heart.
A shattered soul.
I wanted to say something.
Stop her.
Make her stay.
But I couldn't.
Her words kept ringing in my ear.
Friend.
"No, no reason."
Her eyes met mine and for a single second I thought I saw sorrow
there.
But then it was gone and replaced with a smile.
With a smile she was gone.
The pain was indescribable.
It was like someone had reached inside
my chest and pulled out my living, beating heart.
I brought this on.
The pain was my entire fault for loving someone I can't have.
Fool.
She is an angel and she is not mine.
I have to accept that.
My heart lies dying on the floor as I walk up to the door and lock it.
I lean my forehead against the cold window and whisper:
"Goodbye."
Then I turn out the light and walk the path again.
Back to my home.
My apartment.
Alone.
------------------------------------
[email protected]
Author: Jessica
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Feedback: YES [email protected]
Pairing: Luke/Lorelai.
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: Lorelai is getting married to Max. Luke's POV
AUTHORS NOTE: I know, I know, I know...Max and Lorelai broke up.
But this is my story...So I will have it my way :)
This is inspired by the movie "Sense and Sensibility".
I just love that movie. I always cry like a baby every time I see it.
If you haven't seen it or read the book, then you're missing something
great. Thank you once again to Amy for once again helping me..
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
--------------------------------------
I watch her from a distance.
I want to go to her but I know that I shouldn't.
It's not my place.
It has never been my place.
We keep our distance.
She is sitting and talking to Rory at the table by the window.
Sometimes I don't know what to call us.
Friends.
There come days when my heart whispers something else.
Some nights she graces me with her presence in my dreams.
I try to reach her there, somewhere between awake and asleep.
But I can never reach her.
She always slips from my hand and I wake with an aching heart.
I know that I'm acting like a fool.
I have never done anything foolish in my life and I don't intend to
do something now.
She is getting married.
Two days has gone by since she came rushing into the diner with
a smile that I only could compare to staring right into the sun.
She showed me the ring and told me the big news.
She smiled.
She was on fire.
Max.
He was the man that had put that fire in her eyes.
He had reached inside her and lit that candle that had been gone
for so long.
She deserved this.
Happiness.
I remember the talks we have had.
About happiness.
Maybe it's wrong to call them talks.
We never talk.
She talks and I listen.
But I know about that longing she carries around.
He has given her everything that she wanted.
When she spoke that word "marriage" something inside of me broke.
It happened so fast.
During one sunny afternoon.
It's funny how fast a heart can break.
I thought I was strong.
My heart has taken a lot of damage but I have never let it shatter.
Never.
Until now.
Until her.
I just stood there watching as this angel told me everything.
I wonder if she could see it in my eyes.
I wonder if she heard that second that my heart broke into millions of
tiny small pieces.
I guess not.
She has finished her coffee now and she rises and walks up to the
counter.
She is dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.
Her eyes meet mine and she smiles.
I curse that smile.
She knows how it affects me.
She must know.
"More, coffee...please, LUKAS!"
"You know this stuff will kill you."
She laughs.
Damn that laugh.
I surrender as I always do and reach for the coffeepot.
She gives me another killing smile and returns to the table.
I return to my usual place at the counter.
I let my eyes gaze over the diner.
My home.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to leave this place behind.
I have always dreamed about seeing the world.
But I know that all I will get to see of the world is from my TV.
I'm born in this town and I will probably die here.
I just wish sometimes that things would be different.
That I had the guts to follow my dreams.
To take what I want.
Call me a coward, for that is exactly what I am.
My dreams are beyond control these days.
I know now that I will never see them come true.
I will never find the courage to take what I want.
I'm not like that.
I have never been like that.
You might say that I'm something in between.
I have gone against this town several times.
I have stood up for what I believe in.
But I have ever listened, really listened, to my heart.
Until now.
As I stand here all I can here is a plead, a begging, to find love.
I know, it sounds silly.
But have you ever craved for something for so long that you have
finally given up.
I have.
Love.
I have known love.
I have been loved.
But it's just that I have never ever fallen in love.
I have searched, believe me.
I have tried.
I have even acted, thinking things might change.
But I have never felt the sweet release of love.
You might call Rachel my first love.
And that would not be lying.
I loved her in some ways and in some ways not.
I can't explain it.
I just know that she wasn't the one.
The one is someone I can't have.
I don't know when love struck me.
There are days when I curse the day she walked into my life.
But it was a blessing.
I don't believe in god but sometimes when the dark is creeping too
close I think she is the closest to heaven I will ever come.
Now she will never be mine.
Sometimes it feels like I have known her forever, several lifetimes.
I can't remember life before her and I can't see my life without her.
I know, this isn't the picture you have of me.
It's not my picture either.
But something inside of me is screaming in pain.
And I don't know how to mend it.
They rise, her and Rory.
They wave goodbye and then they are gone.
My hands tremble as I reached for the coffeepot to offer another
round for my customers.
I mutter to myself:
"Get a grip, Luke."
Then I return to the job.
----------------------------------------
Dark clouds came in from the west and brought with them the first
Summer rain.
The night fell over Stars Hollow and my diner became empty.
People hurried home to the warmth of their loved ones and left me
where I stand now.
Alone.
I feel tired.
My legs feel weak as I walk to the door and turn the "open" sign
to "closed."
I sigh.
Another day has gone by.
I used to think that the days go by so slowly.
These days I wish I could stop time.
I laugh.
Silly.
I just wish I could prevent what will happen in some way.
Some might say that I should tell her what's in my heart.
But the truth is that I don't know.
All I know is that I can't lose her.
That would be the death of me.
I know that now.
But there is nothing I can do to stop my own death.
She doesn't want me.
He is perfect for her.
No one can say otherwise.
A knock on the door.
I go to the door and turn the key.
He is standing outside my door.
Max.
I have only met him one time before.
Now he is standing outside my door.
"Mr. Danes. May I come in?"
I let him into my home, the diner.
"Call me Luke. Mr. Danes is my father."
He smiles.
"She told me you might say that."
"Why are you here, Mr. Medina?"
"Max."
"Max, why are you here?"
"I wanted to talk to you."
"About what?"
"Lorelai."
"Okay..."
"You two are friends?"
"Yes..."
"You have known her for how long?"
"Forever..."
"We are getting married..."
"Yeah, she told me..."
"I just wanted to check that everything is okay between us."
"You and me?"
"Yeah."
"Sure.."
"I just got the feeling when I was in here the last time with
Lorelai that something was going on between the two of you."
"No, you're wrong."
"Good."
He turns to leave.
My bleeding heart is beating like crazy.
God, I want to hate this man.
I want so much to hate the man that is taking her from me.
But I can't.
I'm weak.
I can't even dislike my rival.
"Don't hurt her."
He turns around and looks at me.
"I could never..."
Our eyes meet.
"If I ever find out that you have done something to harm her. I swear
I'll hunt you down and.."
"I swear I'll never hurt her."
"Good."
He walks to the door.
It's getting harder to breathe as I say his name.
He turns around and looks me.
"Take care of her."
He smiles.
"I will."
Then he was gone out the door.
And the rain kept falling.
--------------------------------------------
I turned of the light in the diner and climbed the steps to
my apartment.
The silence of the night reached me and made me shiver.
I used to like the silence.
I used to like being alone.
These days I hate it.
It's causing me harm.
But I don't know how to break these chains that are causing me
so much harm.
I'm not asking for much.
I just want someone.
I wonder what it would be like to wake up beside the one you love.
To see her sleep.
To talk to her while the moon kept us company.
To laugh with.
To hold.
To cherish.
God, it hurts.
This longing inside.
It's like someone have pushed a knife through my heart.
But this is something I have to live with.
You can learn to live with pain.
You can learn to live alone.
Another knock on my door.
I walk downstairs.
I stumble through the door and open the door.
She is at my door.
Soaking wet.
She shivers as she says my name.
I pull her inside.
"Why are you here, Lorelai? You shouldn't walk in this rain."
"Oh, it's nothing."
She smiles.
I want to wrap my arms around her.
But I keep my distance as I always do.
"Do you want some coffee? Tea? Let me make you some tea.."
"Oh, you're offering...hmm...Coffee, not tea."
"Sure."
She sits down at a table.
I run upstairs and take a blanket from my bed.
My hands tremble as I wrap it around her.
For a moment my hand brushes against her cheek and I tremble.
I go to the kitchen and put on a fresh pot.
Then I return to her and sit down opposite her.
Her eyes seem to glow.
Or maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me.
"I wanted to talk to you, Luke."
"You to?"
"What do you mean?"
"Max was here."
"Max, when?"
"An hour ago or so."
"What did he want?"
"He wanted to know if everything was okay between us."
"Between us?"
"Yes."
"What did you say?"
I looked into her eyes searching for something, anything that might
bring my soul that hope that it so desperately needed.
But I find nothing.
"That everything was okay. Nothing is going on."
"Good."
Silence followed.
I rose to get the coffee.
She smiled when she got it.
I sat down again.
"What did you want to talk about?"
"Oh ...I just..."
"What?"
"I just wanted to invite you to the wedding."
Her words were like a punch in the stomach.
I have never known pain like that.
For a moment I had let myself believe that she had come for something
different, something else.
Foolish.
My soul cried as I spoke:
"Thank you. Of course I'll come."
She smiled and took my hand.
Lightning struck my heart in that second.
Her hand was so warm in mine.
I wanted to pull her to me and never let her go.
I wanted to lock her inside until she loves me.
I wanted to tell her.
But I couldn't.
I couldn't even speak those three small words.
"Thank you, Luke. You are a good friend."
Friend.
Friend.
Friend.
That word kept playing over and over in my head like a broken record.
I never thought a word could hurt me so.
But it did.
She let go of my hand and rose.
I was already missing her touch.
I wanted to brand the feeling of her hand in mine forever.
But the moment kept slipping away for every second that past.
She walked towards the door.
She opened the door and looked straight at me.
Then she spoke:
"Is there any reason why I shouldn't marry Max?"
Please, love me! Love me! Please, god, love me!
It was a plead from a broken heart.
A shattered soul.
I wanted to say something.
Stop her.
Make her stay.
But I couldn't.
Her words kept ringing in my ear.
Friend.
"No, no reason."
Her eyes met mine and for a single second I thought I saw sorrow
there.
But then it was gone and replaced with a smile.
With a smile she was gone.
The pain was indescribable.
It was like someone had reached inside
my chest and pulled out my living, beating heart.
I brought this on.
The pain was my entire fault for loving someone I can't have.
Fool.
She is an angel and she is not mine.
I have to accept that.
My heart lies dying on the floor as I walk up to the door and lock it.
I lean my forehead against the cold window and whisper:
"Goodbye."
Then I turn out the light and walk the path again.
Back to my home.
My apartment.
Alone.
------------------------------------
[email protected]