Chapter Five: A Song

Baz

We're doing this, I think to myself, we're actually doing this. I will have him all to myself in the exact spot where I watched him for years. I push him into the mattress and whisper, "Then let's make this one count."

I keep one hand tightly wrapped around his waist and pick up my wand from the nightstand with the other. I spin the wand in a small circle and send a silencing spell towards the walls— "Noises off"—to block any noise from the room from making it past the doors or windows. This night is ours and I want every groan and gasp that escapes his lips to belong to me.

Simon turns around, reaches up to my neck and slowly starts to unbutton my shirt. I'm relishing the touch of his fingers grazing across my skin as his hands travel down my chest, but part of me also wants to rip his shirt to shreds.

Slow down, Baz, I tell myself. Try to make this last.

Crowley, I can't help it. I grip the front of his shirt and rip it anyway.

Simon

My pulse begins to race and my breath stops as Baz rips the front of my shirt and pulls it off my shoulders. Wow.

Bare chest to bare chest, standing forehead to forehead, the only thing left between us is our trousers. And I can feel what's happening beneath his and mine.

Until now, we've still never taken off each other's clothes, but I know that's about to change. First time to truly see each other—all of each other. Determination replaces my nerves and I know I'm ready for this.

Baz kisses me fiercely and leans into me so that I fall onto my bed with him on top of me. I run my hands down the sides of his body, cool to my touch, and rest them on his waistband. He pulls away for a moment, lifts his body a few inches above mine and looks down at my hands. He looks back up at me and urges me on with his eyes…

Once his trousers are gone, we're lying on our sides and my hands are gathered in the material of his boxers. Of course, Baz's boxers are silk. The material is even cooler to my touch than his skin. I take a deep breath and gently tug them down his legs.

Baz's hands fall to my waistband and I kiss his neck before he begins to undress me.

I don't want to feel broken anymore; I don't want to feel lost. And I want him so badly.

Baz

I toss Simon's boxers off the bed and let my eyes completely drink in every inch of his golden skin. He is bathed in moonlight from our window and he's captivating. Beautiful. Magical, even without his magic. And ready—for me.

Simon

Baz's eyes are roaming over my body and I can't stop staring at him. He looks like a marble statue, every muscle perfectly carved. After a moment, our eyes meet and he leans into me for a kiss that feels different than any other. We're both so ready for this; I know it may not last longer than just a few moments…but we have to start somewhere.

Baz

My body is pressing Simon into the pillows. His tongue in my mouth and the sensation of skin on skin is driving me insane. I don't know how much longer I can keep the nerves in my body from exploding. Simon senses that I'm on the edge and he lets his hands travel below my waist. I break the kiss so I can breathe and give him some room. I want to finish this looking into his eyes.

One of his hands is wrapped around me and the other is softly grazing the skin on my inner thigh. I know I'm past the point of no return and I don't try to contain the deep moan that escapes my mouth as I let the wave of pleasure crash over me. Panting, tears sting my eyes and for the first time in my life I know I truly am alive.

Simon

I have never felt more alive than watching Baz in this moment.

Baz

When I regain my composure, I run my hands down Simon's chest until my hands are below his waist. When I take hold of him, he arches his back and I think I might possibly come undone again.

Simon's able to hold on longer than I did, but when he is ready one of his hands tightly grips the sheets; the other tangles in my hair. He screams my name as he falls apart in my hand.

"Baz," he says breathlessly, "please tell me that is the first of many times you are going to make me feel like that."

"I'm going to spend my lifetime making you feel like that, Simon."

Simon

After I remember how to breathe again and Baz's head is resting on my chest, we lay in my bed for a long time letting our hands rest on each other's bare skin.

I glance around the room and notice that Baz's violin is in the corner.

"You brought your violin here from your house? You never kept your violin at school while we lived together."

Baz keeps brushing his fingers against the curve of my hip and tilts his face up to mine. "When I knew I was going to back school for one more semester without you, I needed something to help pass the time." He pushes the covers back and walks towards the corner of the room. I appreciate the view.

I prop my elbow on the pillow and rest my head in my hand. He grabs his violin and I watch him sit on the end of my bed as he lifts the violin to his chin and begins to play. Adoration consumes my soul and my eyes fill with tears as the chords of music continue to sweep across the room. Music meant for me. Because he is choosing me.

He finishes the song, takes a long look at me with tears in his own eyes again and sets the violin back in the corner. He crawls into bed and tucks me into his arms. A wave of exhaustion crashes over me and my eyes flutter sleepily as I curl against him.

He brushes a tear away from my face as he holds me and whispers, "I love you, Simon Snow."

I press my face into his chest and he rests his chin on top of my head. "I love you too, Baz."

We both slowly drift to sleep in my bed, a tangle of limbs and unspoken promises of a lifetime of firsts.