()
Ayase fidgeted in the car.
Kanou had done his best to ignore the angel since their confrontation in the bedroom that morning. He was angry, but more than that, he was beginning to question whether he really was doing the right thing. In the light of day, the surgery he had planned for the boy seemed as harsh a punishment as bodily ripping the wings from his back.
Even though the reservation niggled at him, he resolutely pushed it to the back of his mind. Nothing would make him reconsider. Ayase had had this coming to him for a long time. The boy had lied, plotted, and dared to dream of a life free from the demon- it was unacceptable. As much as he wanted the boy to choose a life with him, Kanou knew that it would never be possible with those wings- the very symbol of freedom- still a part of him. Getting rid of them was the only way to make Ayase see things as they truly were.
Once they pulled up to Gion's workplace, Kanou headed boldly for the front door, glancing back to make sure Ayase was following. The boy was stumbling after him, his small wings hidden from sight beneath a sleeveless jacket. For once in his life, Kanou was glad the feathery appendages were only invisible to human eyes and not to human touch. Keeping them out of his sight was helping to keep him relatively calm as they entered the building.
It was Ayase's first time meeting Gion; his blond head twisted from side to side as they walked, taking in the sights of the large building.
"Kanou, what are we doing here?"
Ayase's small voice wavered behind him. Kanou glanced back, noticing how the boy trembled slightly as he tried to keep as close to the demon as he possibly could. Though it was similar to Kanou's business place, Kanou knew the depravities of the deeds being done under Gion's nose in this place were even more overwhelming to his sensitive angel.
Demons and humans alike in the large lobby stared hungrily at his beautiful angel; Kanou had known the moment they walked in the building that Ayase would be a target of their lecherous eyes, but it didn't make the situation any easier. He glared back at them, spilling out his aura to let any who dared look at his angel know that the boy was his property and not something they could freely gawk at. Most turned away at his displays, but a few of the haughtier demons smirked back at him, licking their lips as Ayase shuddered.
It sickened him that he couldn't protect his angel better.
"We're meeting someone, Ayase; I've already told you," he growled lowly, narrowing his eyes at a demon near the front desk who had made an unwise decision to take a step closer as they walked by. "Stay close."
As they passed the desk, Kanou snarled at the other demon to keep him from following them to the elevator. The demon hesitated, but when Kanou's eyes flashed gold the stranger wisely stepped away and busied himself with the pamphlets in front of him.
Kanou had to resist the urge to bounce on the balls of his feet as they waited for the elevator to come down to the lobby. His eyes burned holes in the metallic doors, willing the box to move faster. Ayase pressed into his side as they waited, and it took all his strength not to wrap his arm around that small bundle of light and carry the angel out of there. He wanted to run, to punch something, to pick a fight with the demon peeking around the corner at them. What if they just ran; left Japan and went somewhere the angels would never think to look? They could live happily in a small house in America or Europe, just living together. It could work. All they had to do was run away.
But then those metal doors slid open with a sharp ding, and Kanou felt himself move forward, steering Ayase by the shoulder into the box that closed them in to fate. He automatically punched in Gion's code and stepped back, hand still on Ayase's shoulder. The angel flinched as they ascended, reminding the demon that it was Ayase's first time in Gion's workplace. Sins of all kinds were undertaken in this building, and to an angel as pure as Ayase the shock of those depravities came as a physical pressure on his body. It was one of the reasons he had never brought Ayase with him to meet his oldest friend before.
"Kanou?" Ayase's voice was strained.
He gently tightened his grip on the angel's shoulder, hoping the reassurance of his presence would cancel out the negative energy that swirled around them. Tremors raced under the boy's skin and sweat was beginning to bead on the back of his neck. Kanou willed the elevator to move faster before Ayase passed out on him.
As soon as they came to Gion's personal floor, Kanou pushed Ayase forward to get him into the safety corridor. Gion liked his space- no outside presence could be felt on this floor- and in this instance Kanou was grateful for that. Ayase's head was swiveling left and right as they moved down the hall, taking in the hideous paintings Gion had decided to decorate with. Kanou hated those paintings.
Before long they were at Gion's favorite office midway down the hall, the very room he had slept in just last night. Kanou was about to go right in as usual, but he stopped himself, choosing instead to knock on the door and take a moment to gather his fraying nerves. He instantly regretted it, because as soon as he knocked he felt Gion's aura flare behind the door, causing Ayase to stiffen under his hand and attempt to move back. That stupid demon was messing with him.
The door swung open and Kanou felt his irritation spike. Gion was grinning, and wearing the orange shirt that Kanou hated.
"You're early, Kanou," the blond demon drawled with a smirk. "Should have let me know you were already here; I would have made coffee."
Forcing back the growl in his throat, Kanou narrowed his eyes as Gion cast a long look down his trembling angel.
"So, this is the angel you spoke of." His voice was silky and seductive; and Kanou knew he was only doing it to intimidate Ayase. It was all he could do not to smack the smile off Gion's devilish face. "Seems a little small."
That was enough. Kanou sighed irritably and pushed past Gion, forcing Ayase into the room. He didn't miss Gion's little chuckle of amusement as the demon shut the door behind them.
"Cut the crap, Gion. We're here on business, remember?"
Though he said it, Kanou couldn't erase the feeling of unease that had been creeping up on him all morning. Last night had been a blur of insecurity. He'd left Gion's place this morning with a resolve to take away Ayase's wings, but a sliver of doubt had wedged itself in the backdoor of his mind, and the trembling of Ayase's shoulders beneath his hand only struck the wedge with more force, widening the shadow of his insecurity.
"Kanou?" Ayase's small voice wafted up to him, shallow and afraid. He was pressing into his side, seeking comfort from the presence of the unknown demon. Gion wasn't helping at all: he seemed to be enjoying his ability to intimidate Ayase with his impressive stature. Gion was a dangerous demon, to be sure, but once you go to know him personally as Kanou had for decades, you got to see the fluff and playfulness underneath his outward perception. Gion also liked to play games, and normally it was fun to watch him intimidate other beings; but that he was taking pleasure in tormenting his already nervous angel was not something Kanou appreciated.
Gion grinned, flashing a wicked smile at Ayase. Oh yes, there was no doubt in Kanou's mind that the blond demon was well aware of Kanou's irritation.
"Never met a fully functioning demon before, have you, kid?" Gion asked with a smirk. Kanou's face darkened. How dare Gion make fun of him now, when the demon knew how much he had been struggling with the issue at hand. Before he could put the other demon back in his place, Gion let out a bark of laughter.
"Boy, Kanou, seems to me that pretty boy is smart enough to look to you for guidance," Gion chuckled. Kanou glanced down. Ayase had been looking at him? "I don't think you're in need of my services. He seems devoted enough."
The angel was now staring at Gion with a frightened expression on his pale face, but for some reason it made Kanou feel slightly better knowing Ayase had been seeking out his guidance while under Gion's verbal and metaphysical attack. Nevertheless, he knew this wasn't the moment to be backing down. Gion was testing him. "He's looking to me because you insist on intimidating him with your aura and dark insinuations. My mind is made up, Gion; we're doing this."
"Um, Kanou, what exactly are we doing?" Ayase's small voice asked from beside him.
"Be quiet, Ayase."
"Whoa, you haven't even told him, Kanou?" Gion barked. Kanou felt his heart thumping in his chest; the blond idiot was about to make things so much worse. "And here I thought being banished had made you soft. I'm almost proud."
"What haven't you told me, Kanou?"
The panic in Ayase's voice cut straight through Kanou's chest. He couldn't look down at him, couldn't bear to see the fear in those big blue eyes. He was too tired; tired of being lied to and manipulated. But he couldn't answer either. Ayase wasn't going to take it well; how could he tell the boy what he had planned with Gion? He clenched Ayase's shoulder in his hand, focusing on breathing, trying to formulate how he would say what was about to happen.
"Kanou, please! What's going on?" Kanou gripped Ayase tighter as the angel attempted to turn, to look him in the eyes. "Kanou-"
"He's paying me to surgically remove your wings, sweet pea," Gion interjected. "That's what's going on."
It was as if a bomb had gone off in the small room. All Kanou could feel was the thumping of his heart.
"Impossible."Ayase's voice seemed even smaller."You're lying. This can't be true. Kanou would never."He jerked forward and Kanou looked down to find himself caught in the liquid blue eyes of his unbelieving angel. "You would never. Kanou, tell me it isn't true. Please. Tell me this is all a joke, another one of your ruses to show me that you're the boss."
He wanted the angel to stop looking at him with those pain-filled eyes. Those words, so pleading and broken, had hit him like a ton of bricks. His heart was clenching in his chest. Ayase seemed so small right now, like a child.
Kanou closed his eyes, erasing the picture of his angel- upset, afraid, bordering on hysteria- from his mind. Why did he have to be the bad guy? Ayase was the one who had been wrong. Why couldn't the little angel see that?
"This isn't funny, Kanou. I want to go home now!"
Wrong, and now ordering him around. This boy had everything backwards.
"We're not going home, Ayase." Kanou's voice came out low, almost a growl. He was the one in control, always had been. It was time to set things right. "You're getting that operation."
"No! No, you can't do this!"
"You don't get a choice in the matter, Ayase. My mind is made up and nothing you say can change it-"
"Kanou!"
Ayase was looking at him as if he didn't even know him. The wedge split even wider.
"No." Disbelief pooled in the angel's face, but as Kanou looked into those blue eyes, sorrow welling in his heart, he could see the hardening of Ayase's eyes as the angel realized that Kanou wasn't bluffing this time. "No." Ayase pulled back, but Kanou kept a tight grip on his shoulder. The angel was turning, looking for a place to escape from. His body thrashed, taking Kanou back to the previous afternoon when he had held the angel down on his bed, tearing the boy's clothes while he screamed. "No!"
"You're not going anywhere, so stop struggling, Ayase."
"No!"Unable to free himself from Kanou's grip, Ayase resorted to striking out at him, swinging wildly with his hands.
With each beat of those small fists on his chest, Kanou felt his heart break into even smaller pieces. He couldn't find the strength to fight back, to pull the angel off himself.
Ayase slumped suddenly, and Kanou felt his heart drop as he stooped to catch the suddenly falling angel. His moment of concern for the angel turned into a furious roar when Ayase immediately lunged away from him, freed from Kanou's grasp. The boy darted away, taking refuge behind the table; thank God Gion had still been standing by the door or the angel would have skipped out.
"Kanou, please!" Ayase shrieked. "Think about this!" He was holding one arm out, palm up as though to tame a rabid dog, but Kanou had had enough. He would not be placated. Ayase was doing it again, trying to run from him.
"There's nothing to think about. I've made my decision," Kanou snarled.
"This isn't something you can just do on a whim! Once you do this to me, it can never be undone." Ayase's high voice cut through the air, sending goosebumps up Kanou's arms. "Chains come with a key; but Kanou, my wings will never grow back." His small lips trembled, and tears beaded at his crinkled blue eyes. "Please, I'll do anything for you Kanou, but not this."
He almost couldn't look at him. Ayase's pain was not something he had wanted, but there was no way he could possibly make the angel understand.
"Not this, Kanou." Ayase was crying now. "Name it, anything you want. I won't use my wings in the apartment, I won't even open them. I'll let you do anything you want to me in bed, or in the shower, or wherever. Whatever! I don't care, just please. Please, Kanou."
Lies. The situation was spiraling out of Kanou's control now. If this kept up, he wouldn't be strong enough to go through with it. Those pretty lies from those tempting lips were too sweet. They should have just run away.
"Kanou, why- why are you doing this?"
Did the boy even know? Did that little angel even know that his kind had come back for him, that they were ready to infiltrate the city to take him away forever? Did he know how much stronger his wings were going to get?
"Please, Kanou. Please, I'm begging you."
"Shut up, Ayase." He couldn't think; his mind had become a blur of images and sounds, worries and fears. Everything he had worked so hard for- keeping watch over Ayase for four years, infiltrating Hayashida's auction to buy him, working on his temper so they could build a real relationship- everything was crumbling to pieces because of Ayase's curiosity. If the boy had just resigned himself to Kanou's rules they wouldn't be in this mess.
"You won't do it. I know you won't. I trust you-"
"Just shut up!" Kanou slammed his fist into the wall, rattling the bottles and books Gion had stored on the shelves. "I trusted you, too! And look where it got me! You got me to soften up while you bided your time at home alone, waiting until the day your wings healed enough that you could fly away from me."
"What? Kanou, no, that's not-"
"Shut up! Just shut up, you little viper." He almost couldn't breathe. Every muscle in his taut body screamed at him to rush forward, to tackle Ayase to the ground and be done with this charade. "You thought you could fool me, so you can save your pleas. I've learned my lesson, and I'll make damn sure that you learn yours. You are not leaving me, little angel; get that message through your dense, pretty head. You are never leaving me."
"Kanou. It's not like that, I can't even fly-"
"Like hell you can't!" Why was the boy still pretending; still trying to lie his way out of the mess he had created? "All those wings do is put stupid, useless ideas in your head. I own you, Ayase, and I will never allow you to even come close to flying ever again. I was stupid to have even believed we could live normally while you still carried those things on your back-"
"Well if you dare to take them away from me I can swear to you now that we'll never live normally ever again!"
Kanou reeled back, shock widening his eyes. It was as if Ayase had slapped him in the face. This was it: the moment he had feared would come. Ayase was finally rebelling, finally showing everyone his true colors. A strange calmness overtook him as his aura darkened and pulsated.
"Did you really just dare to shout at me, Ayase?" Kanou's voice was low, rumbling, promising to inflict as much pain as he could. "More importantly, did you really just threaten me?"
"I did, Kanou, because you are making a mistake in your anger."
Dark golden eyes narrowed, revealing the fury that was building within him again.
"I never intended to leave you, Kanou," Ayase continued desperately, "and I don't have any intention now."
Kanou almost laughed; he opened his mouth, ready to put the angel back in place when Ayase interrupted him again, holding up his hand as if to physically stop the demon from speaking.
"Please hear me out! I wasn't lying to you when I told you that I can't fly. I will never be able to, no matter how much I try. And even though I dream of flying, it doesn't mean anything. They're just dreams, fantasies. It doesn't mean I'm going to slip away in the dead of night and try to run from you."
Ayase slowly moved forward, still holding out his hand as if Kanou were a rabid dog he was attempting to calm.
"I know you, Kanou," Ayase whispered slowly, "and I know that you'd come after me. The angels are gone from this city and I am sure that God would welcome me back to heaven-"
Kanou's face darkened.
"-but Kanou, you have given me a real home. Yes, you scare me sometimes, and you could work on your anger issues, and learning how to understand that 'no' really does mean 'no'; but that doesn't mean I don't want to stay with you."
Ayase was slowly moving back around the table as he spoke, speaking gently but with an urgency that raised the hairs on Kanou's arms.
"I never tried to run when I first came to live with you, maybe out of fear and the fact that I was hurt; but when I got over that fear and began to heal, I didn't run because I began to trust you. We became a family. Right now, you are the only person on earth that I trust. And right now, even though you're threatening to take away the single most important thing to me just because you're scared that I will fly away, let me ask you one thing: do you trust me?"
Neves still on edge, Kanou felt his body screaming at him to move as the boy slipped closer. His heart couldn't stop its rapid beating. Such pretty words- they were all Kanou could hope for, but he knew the truth. Ayase could talk all he wanted about being with him, but Kanou knew the truth would find its way out someday.
Ayase's small fingers tentatively touched the skin of his arm, sending nerves firing throughout the rest of Kanou's body. The muscles in his arms quivered under that light touch. He just wanted Ayase to be with him. Looking into his angel's sad, tired eyes tore him apart.
"Do you trust me, Kanou?" Ayase was so close his breath brushed against Kanou's skin. "Because I've given you my trust and I'm trying to learn how to give you my love, and I'm just asking for you to do the same. I'm sorry I hurt you, Kanou, but this is all just a big misunderstanding. I won't run; I wouldn't fly even if I was able to. So please, please, Kanou; can we just go home?"
His heart was breaking. Before his angel could see his pain, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the smaller body, tucking his head into the curve of Ayase's neck- his favorite spot on Ayase's body, the one he always claimed first. He breathed in deep, squeezing his eyes closed as tears gathered, dropping silently and unknown into his angel's hair. He held on tight, reveling in the feel of Ayase's arms reaching around him and hugging close.
Movement at his side had him looking up to see Gion squatting down at his side. Kanou looked away as his friend moved into position, a syringe in his hands.
When Ayase jerked, Kanou felt his spirit whither. The boy was thrashing in his grip again, no longer holding onto him, but instead tearing at Kanou's large arms around his waist.
"He'll be out in a few seconds, Kanou. I'll get everything else ready."
"What? No!" Ayase's voice was shrill and panicked. It cut right through him. "No, Kanou, please, I already told you I wouldn't fly away."
He couldn't listen anymore. Ayase was beating him with his fists again, crying.
"I won't fly away! I won't fly!"
All he could do was hold on as the drug slowly took effect. He didn't let go, didn't move as Ayase assaulted him. This was what had to be done.
"Kanou… how could you betray me?"
Kanou closed his eyes at those soft words, losing the battle he'd been fighting internally as fresh tears cascaded down his face. He could feel Ayase's body going limp in his arms. Who knew such a fragile being could wreck such pain upon him with mere words?
Ayase would understand one day. He was sure of it. They were meant to be together, but fate was trying to pull them apart. This was the only thing he could do to protect his angel.
He planted a wet kiss on Ayase's temple as the boy's body slumped in his arms.
"It's going to be okay, Ayase," he murmured against the boy's hair. He rocked back and forth slowly. Ayase was still moving, still fighting the drugs.
"I trusted… you."
Ayase's words slurred, but they still cut Kanou to the bone. He breathed in deep, steadying himself as Ayase finally grew still. "I trusted you too," he whispered.
He cradled the sleeping angel in his arms and just listened to the sound of the boy's beating heart. Ayase had fought him until the bitter end; it left a sour taste in Kanou's mouth. He didn't want to move, didn't want to let go of his angel so Gion could start the operation that they had planned on. He just wanted to sit and hold his angel and pretend that everything was okay.
"Mmm, his misery is invigorating, Kanou. I can see why you keep him around."
Kanou's eyes flashed angrily as he whipped his head up to look at the grinning blond demon standing next to him. Bundling the sleeping, tear-stained angel closer to his chest, he snarled back quietly, "That's not the reason I'm doing this, you idiot."
Gion studied him, no doubt noticing how the wingless demon had curled his whole body around the defenseless angel.
"I know."
Kanou gave no answer. His head was back in the curve of Ayase's neck, listening to the boy breathe softly. Here, in his arms, was where the little angel belonged. Now, though, when his little one had felt so afraid… Kanou felt no triumph. His heart simply ached, matched in rhythm with the beating of the heart within the body he cradled tenderly in his arms.
"You know," Gion's voice ventured quietly, "it'll never work."
Kanou's arms squeezed tighter around his angel. Those words had been echoing in his head since the moment he came home to see Ayase in the air. Those words scared him to death.
"I wonder what he will be like afterwards? I hope you'll leave him here with me after I take his wings out. I bet his world would come crashing down around him- I can feel it now, so delicious."
"Stop talking, Gion, before I rip your tongue out."
"He'll probably never be the same," the blond demon continued in a bored drawl, as though he hadn't heard the menace in Kanou's tone. "Angels are such delicate creatures. It makes their distress all the more enticing-"
"Would you shut up already?" He was breathing hard. Turning a glare in the other demon's direction, Kanou felt his determination falter at the look on Gion's face.
"I can't lose him, Gion. I've made up my mind, damn it! I will not back down, not when I've come this far. If I don't make a stand here and now, the same thing will just happen again. And I will not sit back idly just to watch him fly from my window, knowing I had the chance to ensure he would never have the ability to escape from me."
For a moment, the room was silent. He was breathing heavily, too heavily. His arms squeezed tighter around the body in his hold. Why did he feel cornered?
"I change my mind."
Kanou looked up, confusion on his face at the words Gion had muttered.
Frowning, the other demon moved to lean back against the wooden table. His arms folded before he leveled a look at the crouching demon.
"You have become soft, Kanou. Just look at you. Have you even been listening to what you just said? So dependent on that weak being. It's disgraceful."
A warning growl rumbled from Kanou's throat as his eyes narrowed dangerously at Gion's words, but the blond demon continued on despite the threat.
"You're worried taking his wings away completely will hurt him like it did you. No matter what, after today he won't be the same. But since you're so determined to make sure that the brat has no choice but to stay with you, why not do it in a way that lets him keep his precious wings?"
The sudden confusion on Kanou's face had Gion sighing.
"And they called you a genius? Just clip his wings, you moron."
The idea was so shocking Kanou didn't know what to say. Clip the feathers? He hadn't thought it could be done. Angel feathers were incredibly strong. They were durable enough to be used in combat, and considering that most angels and demons fought with a sword- the very notion that the feathers used defensively in those battles could be surgically cut was almost laughable, even the wings of a weak angel such as Ayase.
"Quit yanking my chain, Gion. I'm not in a good mood- you keep poking at me and I'll rip your head from your body."
"That threat would hold more weight if you weren't snuggling up to a fluffy angel."
"Gion…"
"I'm just teasing you, Kanou, sheesh." Gion flashed a grin. "Anyway, I didn't even think it would be possible until I saw him today. He's a bit of a weakling, and his wings are rather small. I think it can be done."
Kanou's eyes narrowed. "How?"
"My sword."
"Are you stupid?"
"Just hear me out for a second, Mr. Grouchy Pants. Ayase is an angel and, under normal circumstances, his feathers would be practically indestructible. However, he grew up on earth, right? His wings are clearly deformed and his body fairly weak. I'm certain that his feathers can't be as strong as a regular angel. With a little time and pressure, I'm pretty sure that I can cut through them. It might take me all night, but I have the time if you do. Of course, just taking out the whole wing at the base would be a lot less time consuming, and you wouldn't have to worry about them growing back. If we just clip them, you'd have to keep coming back if they do heal themselves, and who knows what kind of psychological damage that could do to your little bird."
"But, he'd get to keep his wings." A feeling of hope suddenly sparked within Kanou's chest. Ayase's wings, while they were the bane of his own existence, were the pride and joy of his small lover. If it was possible to keep Ayase happy, and still tether him to the ground, it might just be worth trying out Gion's proposed temporary solution.
"It's your call, buddy. Who's to say it'll even work. We might end up having to take them out completely anyway-"
"No."
Looking down at the sleeping form in his arms, Kanou shifted, slipping his hand over the boy's back where his small wings were covered by the jacket he wore. He traced their invisible form through the fabric. Dulled by the drug coursing through the boy's body, the wings didn't even react to his touch.
These appendages were the one thing standing between the happy life he had envisioned living out with Ayase. If he were to take them away completely, would Ayase really ever trust him again? The little angel- so naïve and young- found such joy in his wings. To take them out would probably destroy Ayase- but to leave them would end up destroying himself.
He couldn't back down now, though. If Kanou changed his mind and let the angel keep his wings, they'd just be back in this same situation again. Ayase was too curious, too tempted. He'd already shown that he could fly- that he would try to escape to the skies if left alone.
There really was no other choice- either way, he was trapped.
Breathing deeply, Kanou looked up at his friend. Steeling himself, he nodded curtly.
"Clip them."
()
Four and a half years ago, Kanou had found himself alone on the streets of Shinjuku, freshly shoved out of the underworld, wounded and in pain. The banishment had left him drained, hardly able to support himself standing. In the shelter of a dumpster in a deserted alleyway, he had slumped, gasping for breath and struggling to pull his wits together. The collective shock of the banishment and pain of the punishment he had endured had left him in a state of such agony he hadn't been able to contain himself. His radiating pain had attracted the attention of an inquisitive, soft-hearted angel; one with small wings and warm blue eyes.
Clouded by pain, Kanou hadn't realized at first that anyone had even entered his alley; not until the boy reached out for him, asking in a wavering voice if he was alright. He had looked up, hearing a mumble of soft words, and immediately recognized the glowing brilliance shining from the boy's body. Of course God would laugh at him by sending an angel to be the first creature he met on earth; when he was in such a vulnerable position, in no state to fight back.
He had expected the angel to draw a sword and strike him down. There was a war brewing in the city, after all. Banished or not, Kanou was the enemy in this angel's eyes, wasn't he?
Instead, he had looked up into blue eyes full of concern. He had thought he must be hallucinating, because no angel would look at a demon with such a gentle look in their eyes. The boy- for Kanou could by now see that the angel was only a young one, not yet equipped with a sword of light- extended a hand, asking if he was alright, surely repeating the question because Kanou knew the boy had been speaking previously, but he couldn't recall the words.
Before the young angel could touch his small, gloved hand to the demon's shoulder, a shadowed figure behind him had pulled the youth backwards.
"Ayase! I told you to stop!"
A third figure stepped up, tugging the little angel to their side, as the second figure came into the flickering light.
"Kanou Somuku: the demon who was banished even from the depths of hell." The angel's voice had been soft, yet it rang with clear dislike, mistrust and scorn. He had looked down on the wounded demon, sneering. "We had received warning that you might take refuge in this town. Never did I dare to believe that the rumors would be true."
Kanou's eyes had lowered to half-mast. He knew this angel: Blonde hair, strong chin, blade of blue light at his side. He had lifted his chin, scoffing lightly. "What better place to be than this god-forsaken town, hmm? Ichiei Yukiya." The angel in question had stiffened, but Kanou ignored him, turning his head slowly to examine the two other angels hidden in partial shadow. He grinned as he surveyed the defensive stance of the third angel- a female- blocking the younger one. "Matsuko Yukiya. Ahh, and your offspring. What was his name?"
"Enough!" Ichiei had stepped to the side, blocking the view of his family from the demon's sight. "Your kind isn't welcome here, Somuku. You may no longer belong to the underworld, but you sure as hell do not belong here either. I will be reporting your presence to the council. I suggest you leave if you do not wish for them to be monitoring your sorry state."
"Are you expecting thanks for the warning, Ichiei? I am a free demon; the council you silly featherheads report to is none of my concern."
"You've been politically hanged, Somuku. As a banished demon, you know the rights you possess are limited. These grounds you sit on are angel territory, and I won't allow a wayward devil to cause mischief on my watch. I'm warning you now: do not cause any trouble in my city, or I will ensure that the council takes care of you for good."
Kanou had chuckled. The angel before him- captain of the angel guard sent to Shinjuku- would not dare to kill him in front of his only child. His words posed no threat either- by the time their silly angel council heard the news, Kanou would be long gone.
With a low growl, Ichiei had turned and strode away, grabbing the arms of his wife and child and pushing them towards the exit. Watching them leave, Kanou had caught the attempt of the offspring angel to turn his head to look back. Those glowing blue eyes had settled briefly on darkened dragon slits before the angelic family turned the corner and were out of sight.
Such excitement, and he had only been in town for less than an hour already. His body had started trembling from the exertion and loss of blood. He had only meant to rest for a few more minutes, but somehow his eyes slipped closed and he fell into a world of black.
He had never, in his wildest dreams, expected the young angel to return to him that night.
A soft voice and gentle shake to his shoulder had brought him back to the land of the living. Eyes opened to a sea of concerned, frantic blue.
"Oh, thank goodness. I thought you were dead."
Kanou had groaned, unable to comprehend what he was seeing. Ichiei's offspring, the young angel with compassion in his blue eyes, was crouched before him.
"I wasn't sure you'd still be here. You do know that it isn't safe to be sitting in an alleyway, don't you? Even if you are a demon, you seem to be hurt pretty badly-. "
"What are you doing here, kid? Didn't your daddy tell you never to talk to demons? Especially ones like me that feel like crap and are annoyed enough to try and eat you just to get you to shut up?"
The angel had flinched at his tone, his shoulders hunching up as he bowed his small head. In the flickering light, Kanou could have sworn the boy wore a halo on his blond head- even though those objects were only something created by the imagination of humans.
"You're hurt." The boy's voice was soft but determined. "I came to help you."
Clutched in the angel's hands, Kanou finally noticed the first aid kit. From the small arm dangled a convenience store bag, with some sort of thin box inside.
"I know that you're a demon and I'm an angel, but I still don't think that's a good reason to just leave you here. I could feel your misery when we passed by earlier. I can't just ignore it, simply because of what you are."
Baffled, Kanou had merely stared at the angel before him.
Most likely unnerved by the attention, the little angel had presented his medical kit. "May I?"
The kindness had been so befuddling that Kanou continued to stare. Then, without his permission, his right arm had lifted, presenting itself to the angel before him. Blue eyes crinkled as the angel smiled and it was as if the world was suddenly sprouting flowers and sunshine around him. The feeling was absurd, but electrifying.
"What's your name, kid?"
"Ayase Yukiya. And yours?"
"Kanou Somuku."
"Nice to meet you, Mr. Somuku."
Kanou had growled at the surname. "Don't call me that, kid. I'm old, but I'm not that old. If you're gonna fix up my arm, you call me Kanou."
Ayase had smiled, not at all fazed by the demon's gruff tone. "Right. Kanou."
Kanou had huffed softly as the boy- Ayase- set to work rolling up his sleeve and cleaning the blood from scratches on his arm. The small bag had been set aside, drawing his attention.
"What's in the bag, Ayase?" It had been strange to address the angel by his name. Demons never spoke to angels, but this boy crouched before him was different. Kanou had licked his lips. It had felt weird, but he wanted to say it again.
"Huh? Oh, it's some leftovers from the compound. I thought you might be hungry. You can open it."
He'd brought him food?
Unwrapped, the parcel had revealed a chunk of grilled fish and veggies. The smell had set his stomach to growling, and soon he was digging into the meal one-handed. As he ate, his eyes had wandered to watch the boy as he worked. Ayase had removed his mittens in order to better handle the wrappings, but he seemed to be having difficulties with the sleeves of his large coat slipping down his hands. Annoyed, he had finally sat back and removed his coat, folding it carefully and laying it on top of the emptied bag to keep clean.
"Aren't you going to get cold?" Kanou had asked. There was a chill in the air, and even though they were sheltered from the wind by the alley walls, he was surprised at the concern he genuinely held for the little angel's comfort.
"I'm wearing a long-sleeved shirt," Ayase had laughed. The sound made Kanou's heart do a flip-flop within his chest. "And besides, it's not that cold back here. And it won't take me much longer to finish this."
As Ayase bowed his head to work again, Kanou had looked over the boy's shoulder, entranced by the ridge of white wings he could just see behind the boy's shoulders. They were vibrantly white, bobbing in time to his work. The sight of them entranced him.
"So, um, why were you just sitting here?"
After shaking his head to rid himself of the ridiculous thoughts that had sprouted in his head, Kanou had snorted. "I'm not going to move just because some high and mighty angel tells me I have to."
"Huh? No, that's not what I meant. Well, I mean, I guess I was wondering why you would still be here after all that time, but what I meant was: why didn't you go to someone's house? You're hurt; surely there's someone you know who you could have gone to?"
"I do have a place to go, but it's a bit far from here. I just wanted to sit in some peace and quiet for a moment. A certain trio of angels kind of ruined that for me, though."
When Ayase smiled, Kanou had felt like his pain floated away. The boy sat back after a moment, and Kanou lifted his right arm to examine the fresh bandage. It was wound tightly around his arm: not too tight so as to be uncomfortable, but enough that it wouldn't slide around. Kanou couldn't have done a better job if he'd tried. The whiteness of the crisp linen entranced him.
"Are you hurt anywhere else, Kanou? You seem to have a lot of blood on you-"
"No, I'm fine." The angel had looked so worried it had filled him with a warm feeling. No one had ever shown him such concern before. "Really, I have a friend who can patch up the rest of me. You better get home before your dad finds out you've run away."
Ayase had smiled. When he stood, a sudden draft blowing down the alley reminded him that he was no longer wearing his jacket, prompting the angel to turn in a circle, looking for where he had placed it. As his back was shown to Kanou for the first time, demon eyes had grown large at the full sight of Ayase's wings: beautifully white, small, and yet awkwardly twisted in a way that refused them the ability to fully close. Staring at them, Kanou had wondered if the boy was even capable of flight or of defending himself. Thoughts had whirred in his head as the boy covered those wings with his large jacket; and as the angel skipped away into the night, those kind blue eyes and tiny wings would stay burned into his mind long after he had disappeared.
()
Back pressed to the closed door of his bedroom, Kanou waited, listening for signs of movement from within. He had put Ayase to bed the moment they got home; and for as long as he had dared, he had stayed by the unconscious boy's side, simply looking down at the peaceful face.
It had taken Gion most of the day to crop the angel's feathers. Seeing their resistance to his demonic blade had only convinced Kanou that the angel had been lying to his face the whole time: There was no way the boy wouldn't fly one day, not when his feathers displayed such angelic strength.
And yet, when the deed had been done and he had looked down at the sleeping boy, wings spread wide on the surgery room table to reveal the feathers that had been cut from the ends, a feeling of utter… wrongness had crept over him. It was almost worse than seeing the boy with no wings at all. The wings appeared mutilated, foreign- simply wrong. Ayase didn't look the same. It was like his innocence had been stripped away.
"Once you do this to me it can never be undone!"
Staring down at the boy, Ayase's words had echoed in his head.
What had he done?
His large finger had traced the remains of the feathers that had been clipped, and in that moment, he knew he had made a mistake. He had only wanted to keep Ayase by his side, to show him that he didn't need the angels he so longed to rejoin. They were coming for him, waiting until God's power restored the slowly recovering wings to full strength- he had needed to put a stop to it! But had this really been the right choice? Clipping his wings had seemed so much more humane back in Gion's office, but now… he wished he hadn't let his anger take control. Ayase's one joy in life came from those wings, and in a single moment of weakness he had taken that away from his small lover. Those small, twisted wings were now permanently mutilated; gone were the once proud, white feathers that had extended as though to defy the shame that the malformation had attempted to pin him down with.
A faint rustling through the door had his heart leaping into his throat, jolting him back to the present. The angel must be waking. He could hear blankets shifting amidst low, indecipherable moaning. Kanou tensed, feeling exposed, even though he was out of the angel's sight. His heart pounded, betraying his sudden unease.
Had Ayase noticed his wings yet? How out-of-it was he still? The questions ran circles through Kanou's mind as he strained to hear through the door. The drug Gion had given the boy was extremely strong, but it should have worn off by now. That was why he had left the room: Justified or not, he didn't want to be there when the angel woke up and realized what had been done to him. What Kanou had done to him.
"Please, Kanou. Please, I'm begging you."
Kanou shook his head, banishing the angel's pleas from his thoughts. What he'd done- It had been done for the both of them. Ayase needed to understand that he no longer belonged anywhere but with the demon. Once that got through to him, surely he would understand the actions Kanou had taken. Rejoining the angels and returning to Heaven were not options open to the little angel. Ayase belonged on earth at Kanou's side: nowhere else. Those wings were only a distraction, a reminder of a past that no longer belonged to him. If taking them away was the only way to force Ayase to recognize his fate, then so be it. Kanou would do anything to make him realize it.
He jerked as suddenly, from within the bedroom, a scream cut clearly through the air. "Kanou!"
And it was as if a knife had been thrust into his heart and cruelly twisted.
Ayase's voice, filled with raw agony- even in that single, screamed word- filled Kanou's ears, his body and his soul. His large hands clenched into fists and pressed into the wood behind him. They trembled.
His name: Ayase had screamed his name. Kanou didn't know what he had been expecting. He had been prepared for Ayase to be upset and cry, perhaps to mope quietly around the house- but to hear the sound of his name come from his precious boy in such agony- why did it hurt so much?
From inside the room, hysterical sobs replaced the echo of the initial cry.
Closing his eyes to the sound of his angel in the room behind him, Kanou raised one hand to his chest and clenched his shirt over his erratically beating heart. He had done this for a reason. It wasn't only a punishment: it was a means to ensure that the angel stayed by his side. Forever. Ayase belonged to him, so he was within his rights to do whatever he wanted to the angel. No one would ever be able to take Ayase away from him now. Ayase would understand. This was where the angel belonged now: by Kanou's side.
"I won't run; I wouldn't fly even if I was able to!"
No, he couldn't trust what Ayase had said in Gion's office. Kanou tried to summon his anger back, his justification. The boy had manipulated him, hadn't he? Even to the very end, he had given his word that he would never leave. But the angel was a liar. Kanou knew what he'd seen that day. Ayase could fly, and even if he couldn't at the time, he was well on his way to being able to. And once those wings healed completely, he would leave if Kanou didn't tie him down. Especially now that the angels were invading the city again, trying to take him away. If they managed to corner him on his own, the boy would surely leave with them. He would leave on those damned wings and fly away forever.
He had tried to be merciful, tried to let Ayase keep his wings. This had been the only way. There was nothing else he could have done.
So why did it feel like he was the one who was wrong this time?
"You are the only person on earth that I trust."
Lies. Kanou grit his teeth as he shook his head of Ayase's pleading voice. It was all lies to bring him into the same state of delusion they had been living under. He wasn't wrong.
Ayase's face flashed before him, smiling so proudly as he presented his wings- whole and finally free of pain- to him. That peaceful face so gentle in sleep. The passion that glazed his blushing face when they made love. The memory of his small body scooting carefully backwards in the bed until he was pressed against Kanou's stomach, moving slowly as if to fool Kanou into thinking that it was the demon who was moving close instead.
The sobs inside the room evaporated into heart wrenching, muffled cries.
Sinking to the ground, the demon lowered his head, hand fisting tighter into his shirt.
He could see Ayase's joyful face whenever he came home from work early, proposing they go out for dinner and a walk. The way Ayase danced around the house as he cleaned, singing at the top of his lungs. The joy on his face when Kanou had come home that fateful day, flushed from the thrill of being in the air.
The images wouldn't stop.
Ayase's cries grew stifled.
"Do you trust me, Kanou?"
Out of the shadows of his bowed face, a single tear fell to the ground where it soundlessly soaked into the carpet, as though it had never been there at all.
()
End
A/N: As you can tell, this is a messy story. No one ends up happy in this one. If you haven't read the companion fic, written from Ayase's perspective, go check it out: "All to Pieces". Kanou and Ayase have very different views on this situation, which made writing these two pieces really interesting. I enjoyed getting into their heads, and hope that you enjoyed the ride along with me, however painful and sad it may have been.