Chapter 28: Sting

Welcome back ! although i'm clearly the only one who ever left.. anyways. better late than never, right ?! obviously, this story is far from over. and it will only be over when i will upload the final chapter. ergo, if you want to , we'll get to the end together. i cannot tell long it will take to bring us there. nor how often i will upload or whether i will upload on a regular basis. but! BUT! new chapters are coming, until we will finish this story together. if you want to, of course. no pressure.. anyways, a massive thanks to every single one of you. thank you x

"Ow, careful. Don't poke my eye out."

"Stop whining like a baby."

Alex just raised a brow at her. Her natural reflex made her flinch.

"Careful," Piper reminded her.

In response, Alex just gave her a look whilst she kept staring at her girlfriend who was sitting next to her on the side of their bed.

"It's a bit too late to be careful, anyway," Piper retorted as she finished creaming her bruised eye. "But you never listen."

"I still won, didn't I?"

"Yeah, by almost losing an eye."

"It's part of my job, Piper."

Instantly, she shot a glare at Alex before she put the ointment away. After she had taken a deep breath, everything she really wanted to say slid down her throat like stones. "Forget about it."

Alex could not help herself but chuckle.

"You think this is funny?"

Her laughter still has not died. "A little bit."

However, Piper would not join her. This time, it was not a glare that hit Alex, but her girlfriend's hands that pushed her deeper into the mattress. Piper did not stop to beat her until the brunette gripped her wrists. "Next year they should get you on the tournament instead of me, Rocky."

Piper rolled her eyes. "Fuck off."

"Piper."

But she had already gotten up on her feet, without shooting a glance at her girlfriend who spoke up once more. "I won't stop you this time."

Slowly, Alex seemed to be getting aware of Piper's sincere peevishness that drove her away from her. Even though they shared a load, nearly everything, both of them still had their own minds. So Alex just watched her storm out of the room like an offended little girl. Sometimes Piper cared too much, and Alex too little. Yet she did care.

Wasn't that enough?

A perplexed look appeared on her face when she caught Piper walking into the bedroom again. However, she did not come to stay. Her girlfriend grabbed her toothbrush and left.

Alex still could not refuse to smirk. "Where are you going?"

"To the guest room."

The blonde was nearly out of the room when Alex exclaimed, "Don't forget your three thousand pillows."

Alex saw how her girlfriend's feet came to an halt, her green eyes fixed on her back. It was only a matter of time until Piper would turn around reluctantly. A soft sigh let her know that she had been right, as she watched her lover approaching her. She grabbed two pillows and shot a glare at Alex before she left their bedroom.

Take my hand, I show you a wonderland
Do not fear, I am right here
A place we call paradise
For we need no sky

The world felt lighter than a feather. The air tasted like the sea. Every breath she took rushed down her throat like a minty stream. It was not cold, though. Rather, refreshing. This was what reincarnation had to feel like.

There was a voice singing into her ear, though it was too distant for her to understand any words. Even if she had been familiar with lucid dreaming, she could not have recognised this dream as a dream.

Because when she woke up, she was still sleeping.

And when she woke up, the song faded out. Her emerald eyes were staring into utter darkness, so dark that she had to blink them a few times to assure herself that they were really open. She was lying on her back, yet she did not know what was holding her body up. It could have been a cloud.

Or maybe she was solely floating.

Due to the blackness around her, she felt blind. And like every blind person, all her other senses worked better than usual.

Thus she was able to hear her name, although it was said so delicately that she might as well have heard a flute playing.

And then she heard it again.

And again.

And again.

Yet, she did not move. Even when something grasped around her arm, she remained still. Because the touch felt familiar. There was no need to be afraid, it whispered.

Whatever it was, it had to be the purest form of innocence. Only then Alex began to move. Somehow, she feared she would taint it with her vices. She did not even question herself why she even cared.

"Are you coming?"

The question brought illumination upon her at the same time. Eventually, she could see what was holding her, waiting on her.

She did not even think twice when she stood up. "Of course."

Her feet were sinking into soft and clean moss as the little hand slid down from her upper arm to intertwine with her long fingers. Alex carefully returned the hold, thinking that only a light squeeze would crush the child's hand. The young girl was walking one or two steps faster than Alex as she was leading her into a forest which turned greener with every inch they were getting closer to it.

Her hair was as black as Alex's, and both their manes were moved by the chill breeze which was flying through the trees.

Like a dog, Alex followed her and let herself be dragged deeper inside this

paradise.

The girl looked over her shoulder for a brief second but Alex managed to gaze into the green diamonds shooting at her. She has not seen her full face, yet Alex would not allege her to evil intentions.

There was still something familiar about her. And her pale skin and white long dress perfectly portrayed her absolute purity.

"We're almost there, Alex."

With that said, the child increased her pace and pulled Alex with her, her strength catching Alex off guard. Although she did not tell Alex where she was taking them, she did not need to ask. Their destination was a large tree, one that was different from the rest around them. It appeared to be greener, and the trunk was thicker than any of the others. Yet, when Alex and her little guide were standing in front of it, it did not seem to be this large anymore. Actually, Alex could reach its crown, the beautiful leaves rustling around her head. Their smell filled her nose with such a pleasing smell, that she felt

High?

No, she did not know what kind of feeling it reminded her of. But she did enjoy it.

"Can you reach this apple?" the young girl asked, turning to Alex as she finally revealed her face.

Now she knew where this familiar feeling has come from.

It was herself.

Around the age of 9 or 10.

Her younger self smiled at her, it was a perfect copy of Alex's signature smirk. Except that the corner of her lips reached her big green eyes.

Although Alex had never considered herself to be one, the child version of her equalled an angel. It made her believe that it was impossible, maybe even for her, to ruin her.

Her finger was still pointing at the bright apple, and Alex happily obliged, lifting her arm to disconnect the fruit from the branch.

As soon as the apple was in her hand, the tree suddenly grew, turning into its immense size again. Its crown was so majestic and big, that it covered the sky above them. The darkness slowly began to return. But Alex's eyes were focused on the girl in front of her.

Only when she handed it to her, she realised that something had changed. Something was off. Because the bright red apple, was not so bright and red anymore. The kid's small fingers wrapped around something rotten, but it could not have been her touch. Alex's arm has not started to rot.

So, how could something so beautiful turn into such an ugly thing?

However, the girl did not seem to notice as her hungry eyes stared at the befouled fruit. She opened her mouth to bite into it when Alex tried to stop her.

"Don't."

And for some reason, she added. "It will kill you."

"I know, Alex. But they are what we want."

Before she could do anything to change the ultimate fate of her younger self, the ground beneath her feet disappeared, making her fall right into the unknown. There she was again, trapped inside this pure darkness. It was her cage. And she was the one who brought her inside it.

Insomnia has been with Alex as long as she could remember. And when she did sleep, weird and unpleasant dreams always found a way to her. She had never known if she preferred her sleeplessness over them. Now those dreams have become even worse ever since she had quit. So much worse, that she was happy to be awake. Although being awake did not mean that she could get high. Most of the images of the dream she had just had were gone already, yet the feeling it had given was still present.

What could she do about it?

Piper was not even with her, as she had escaped to the guest room. Nonetheless, she looked to her side but her eyes only found a thick pillow and a flat blanket. A sigh fell from her lips before she sat up and placed her feet on the ground. It was a relief to find stability underneath her, at least in a physical way. After all, it was only just a dream.

Right?

She was smart enough to know what it had meant. Her mind was very clear, just like her thoughts. There was no need for her to be fully awake in order to sort them rightly. However, she wished to shake them all away. They strained her whole body that it made her feel like suffocating. She needed something, anything, to feel some kind of release.

So, what did normal people do to achieve that?

Her legs had already carried her to the living room of the suite as if she had been sleepwalking. She had not noticed that she was not in the bedroom anymore until she bumped her toe against a table leg.

One of the most disgusting pains one could experience.

Nonetheless, she kept quiet, although her toe started to burn and pump like a machine gun. She could really let out a loud scream.

Why was she here again?

What did she try to find when she did not even know what she was looking for.

As her toe began to calm down, she dared to move again, walking over to the fridge in the corner of the room. She opened it and had to squint her eyes, as the light was brighter than the darkness she has known.

Orange juice.

Beer.

Champagne.

Some fancy, healthy, green, spinach smoothie that Alex did not even know most of the ingredients of and that only Piper would drink.

Mineral water.

Apple juice.

None of it appealed to Alex at all. Though the apple juice sent a shiver down her spine. Yet, she needed something to quench her thirst so she picked the mineral water and gulped down half of the bottle. She could not deny that it did burn out some of the heat inside her. It was better than nothing.

After she had placed the bottle inside the fridge again, she stared out of the windows before she made her way back to bed. But she did not return to her lone bedroom.

Piper could not be still mad at her. Especially when she was fast asleep. Also, Alex's ego made it impossible for her to think that someone would be able to turn her down. It did surprise her though when she saw that the door to the guest room was not closed. Or maybe Piper has actually been waiting for her.

Yeah, that had to be the reason.

Softly, her hand landed on the door to push it further whilst her eyes were searching for her girlfriend. As she had assumed, Piper was fast asleep. Even though her back was turnt to Alex, Piper's mild snoring gave her the right hint. Alex did not bother to close the door behind her, as she did not want to cause any noises that would wake her up. So she approached the bed, shooting one last glance at Piper before she lifted the blanket to settle down next to her. She lied down on her side as well, but with her face turnt towards Piper.

Finally, she could feel some sort of relief washing over her.

It was easier to breathe, the air was light just like in her dream. Yet, she tried to get rid off that memory by letting out a deep breath. She closed her eyes.

"Alex?"

No, please not again.

"Alex."

She could not have possibly fallen asleep that fast, could she?

"Alex."

Once more, there was a hand on her arm. But the mattress shifted underneath her as well. This was no dream. At least not one that she had when she was asleep.

For some reason, she had to smirk because this was real, everything was real. She did not even need to open her eyes to assure herself.

Her voice was raspier than normal. "Hey."

"What are you doing here?"

Wait, was Piper really still mad at her?

Her smirk widened. "I couldn't find the bedroom."

Mad or not, she did enjoy to tease her girlfriend, and she could perfectly picture the look on her face.

"Well, I do know where it is so-" Piper told her, the mattress moving again as she tried to get out of bed.

Only then Alex opened her eyes.

"Come on, don't be like that."

This time, she got no response from her. Piper solely gave her a look, a look that meant shut up dickhead before she turnt away from Alex.

"Pipes."

"No. Don't Pipes me."

Piper was already on her feet, only turning around to grab her pillows the same way she had earlier when she had left Alex alone in their bedroom. But this time, Alex was eager to change the outcome.

"Do you think that you use all these pillows to replace me?"

That was too low for Piper to give a response. Still, Alex was smirking.

"The door was open when I came here."

At least that one did catch Piper's attention as her eyes shot at Alex for a second. She let the room fill with silence first before she coolly said, "So?"

"So you waited for me."

"I definitely didn't," Piper grunted instantly, yet her blue eyes fell on Alex.

"Why was it open then?"

"I'm claustrophobic."

"The windows are open."

"It's the maximum level of claustrophobia."

"Huh, you never told me, Pipes."

Both were aware that the blonde was not being serious, but they both always enjoyed their mutual banter. And Piper could nearly compete with Alex by now.

Although Alex did let Piper leave the room, she waited a short moment before she got up and followed her to the bedroom. She did not even step over threshold when Piper demanded, "No. Stop. I want to be alone."

She watched Piper arranging her pillows whilst she leaned against the door frame. One of her brows was raised, and Piper saw the look on her face when she laid down. Despite the darkness inside the room, it was obvious due to the expression on her face.

Maybe Alex had to come up with something more teasing. Something that would bring Piper out of her shell.

She crossed her arms in front of her chest, never breaking eye contact with her lover who was giving her a furious look. Piper had lied down by now, and obviously waited for Alex to leave.

Alex's grin was almost bigger than her ego. "Well, if you're so claustrophobic, do you think that Judy can get me another room? I'm sure she's still working."

Granted, that question sailed close to the wind. But Alex could not hold herself back.

Also, she knew what kind of reaction it would evoke from Piper.

Which was very quick as Piper's body practically sprang up from the bed as if she had been struck by lightning.

"You wouldn't dare."

There she was again, jealous Piper in her full glory.

"I'm just trying to help ya, babe."

"Alex, I'm warning you."

"I just don't want you to feel like, like you're suffocating, you know?" Alex explained as she started to stalk towards the bed like a lioness. "Let me be a good girlfriend."

"You're the worst. And you know it," Piper informed her, defeatedly letting herself fall onto the bed.

So, has Alex been playing this game to get some distraction?

Absolutely.

And she succeeded. Because Piper went silence, even when Alex lied down beside her and pulled the blanket a bit to tuck herself in. All Piper did was to groan.

Nonetheless, she created some distance between them by letting Alex stare at her back. But Alex did not mind and she moved closer to her, so close that Piper could feel her breath on her neck.

"Alex."

She wanted to make it sound like a warning, but it came out more like a plea. This time, Alex kept silent. She won, and now she could peacefully drift off to sleep.

But Piper knew her. Really knew her. She has seen through this charade from the very start.

"Now," she said when Alex was almost asleep, "tell me what's going on."

"Hush Pipes, I'm sleeping."

"Alex."

Now it did come out like a warning. She was surprised when she opened her eyes and found Piper gazing down at her.

Had she really thought that Piper would have fallen for this?

For a moment, she contemplated what to do, or say, until she returned Piper's look.

Busted.

Alex licked her lips, and Piper's eyes actually softened whilst she was keeping them locked on her.

"I-"

There were no words for her to use.

But Piper had given her a heart. She should start to wear it on her sleeve more often.

"I had a weird dream."

Piper propped herself up on her elbow, with her cheek in her hand and Alex's world stopped moving for a second. Everything around them stopped. It was too obvious how much love she had for her. And yet, Alex had to keep playing games. Because

Because she did not know who she was when she was not high.

Because, because she did not know how to let herself be vulnerable.

Because, there was something still holding her back.

Or was she the one who was standing in her way?

It would not be the first time.

In order to cover up her shame, she apologised. "Sorry, I was being a dick. Good night, Piper."

The tables have turned, as it was her who turnt her back on Piper. And it was Piper who would not let her go.

She was still a bit frustrated with her. She had to sigh first before she spoke up. "Alex, you know that we can talk. Just be straight with me."

"I'm gay," Alex quickly stated, and Piper could not suppress a smile.

"You know what I mean."

Eventually, Alex moved to lie on her back and turnt her head to face her girlfriend.

"I'm sorry. Old habits," she explained.

"I know, and we're working on them, remember? And you know that I'm starting to see right through you, too."

A stern look on her face underlined her statement. Suddenly, Alex felt small. It did not scare her, though. Piper knew how to take care of her. So why did she still not let herself fall?

"Do you want to talk about the dream?"

No.

Yes.

Fuck that.

I don't know.

Please, stay.

Stay away.

I love you, so much.

I gave you an apple, too.

There were so many things she could have said. However, there was one thing she blurted out that her subconscious wanted to know.

"Do you think that I am a bad person?"

She saw how her question made Piper squint her eyes. The words came over her, the levee inside her clearly sallied.

"I mean, do you think that I like to ruin the people around me. Myself included."

At first, Piper did not say anything and her silence drove Alex insane. She had never been a self-conscious character. But maybe it was because she had not seen her life clear. Because she did see it crystal clear now.

Still, it was only Alex talking. "And, when I am, do you think that I can outrun myself? That I can stop being this destructive and self-destructive person? Or will I never be able to change that?"

How Alex's questions caught Piper off guard. For the first time, Alex really did open up to her. In a way that was very intimate. Sure, Alex had confided in her before. But, this time was different. Piper would prove to her that she could carry them both when she would have to. Because she was Alex's rock, just like Alex was hers. And when Alex would be too weak, it would only make her stronger. Solely because she had to be. It was similar to an adrenaline kick.

"I think you are who you are. And you're a lot, Alex."

At that, Alex had to grunt but Piper was not finished.

"No, listen." She placed a hand on her face so Alex could not look away.

"You know who are you as well. And yet, you don't change for anyone. Because you don't let anyone get control over you. You don't try to please people. You're not desperate for their love or admiration. You don't need to think before you act, because you're simply this self-confident. Maybe you think what you just did was a charade because you wanted to hide your feelings from me. But that wasn't really your intention."

"Alex," she brushed her thumb over the pale skin of her cheek. "It was just the way you cope with it. And when you realised what you were doing, you apologised. Because you've changed. We all have and we all will our whole lives. Yet, you will never not know who you are. There's people like me who let other people get inside their head and become dependent on them. But for what? The only one you have to live with is yourself. There's no right or wrong, or good and bad. You either can live with yourself or you can't. And if you couldn't we wouldn't be here right now, would we?"

"But can you live with me?"

"If I didn't, we wouldn't be here right now."

After all this time, Alex was still worried. Maybe it was because her own father had abandoned her and ever since then she has believed that everyone would leave her at some point. That it was only a matter of time. And it was haunting her like some kind of irreparable damage.

As if Piper could read her thoughts, she promised her. "I will never leave you, Alex."

Most of the time, people did not know what promise they were giving when they were making them. But she was truly going to keep it.

"Although you can be a real fucking pain in the ass," she added as she lowered her head to rest on top of the pillow.

Her statement made Alex smirk, and they were exchanging loving looks. The tension did disappear for good.

"It's just so much fun to take the piss out of you."

"Yeah, I can imagine."

They both chuckled, their gazes never leaving one another. Once silence settled around them, Piper studied Alex's face intently, as her eyes had already adjusted to the darkness. Moving her hand form Alex's cheek to her neck, she asked, "How's your face?"

"Better. But I think I might have broken my pinky toe."

Piper knitted her brows. "What? How?"

"Can't really see much in the dark. Especially not without my glasses."

"Why didn't you turn on the lights?"

"Because," Alex eventually touched Piper as well, placing her hand on her hipbone, "the only light I want to turn on is you."

"Nice. Or did you just not find the light switch?"

"Maybe."

Piper had to giggle again, unaware of how it could make Alex swoon. Although her jade-green eyes really tried to show her that.

Moments passed, and the two were solely staring at each other, their hands grazing over the other lovingly. Piper's love was really big enough for the both of them. If Alex let herself fall, she would and could catch her. Maybe she would remember that the next time. And if she did not, Piper would gladly remind her.

Now all Alex wanted to do was to kiss her, but Piper had to make sure of something first.

"Are you feeling better now?"

"Yes, now that you know that I can't be straight with you because I'm gay-"

Old habits.

"Yes," Alex told her earnestly. "Yes, I am."

"Good."

Eventually, Piper shifted closer to kiss her. Alex leaned into her, at the same time pulling her closer with her hand on her waist.

I will never leave you, Piper's lips still whispered

Tonight was going to be her second fight and Piper hoped that her girlfriend was not going to get out of the cage as bruised as she had the other time. They have not talked much since last night, and Piper was still thinking about the state Alex had revealed herself to be in. From afar, she seemed fine, even healthy and happy. Sitting in her seat close to the cage, she did not see any of the bruises on Alex's face as she watched her walking towards the cage. As if the pain had just vanished. But everyone knew that it did leave marks that no one could see.

Except last night when Alex had let her see them.

Sure, Piper had managed to catch her, save her, and every word she had said was true. Yet, she was afraid. Afraid that Alex would relapse. Afraid that Alex could not leave this part of her life behind. Afraid that Alex would not pick her in the end. It has been making her so nervous, that she had checked more than ten times if they had enough suboxone with them. Those pills have been pretty much Alex's main staple. And Piper's personal anchor.

She really feared her love was not enough.

It appeared to be a never-ending story.

But Alex had to have heard her thoughts. Because when Piper started to sink deeper into them, her green eyes flashed at her, like the only light Piper knew. She caught her gaze, although Alex was far away, and it was everything she needed to empty her mind. A shot straight into her head. And Alex smiled, the moment lasted not even a second but Piper felt lighter instantly.

If they could just see the other through each other's eyes. Then neither would have needed to doubt anything.

The anchorman announced the names of the two participants. Each was in their corner, and Piper's heart was stuck inside her throat once more. She was just worried. How couldn't she be. She did not want anyone to hurt her Alex.

When the bell rang, Piper leaned forward to get a better look at the happenings. But her eyes moved too slowly. Before she could even take a breath, Alex's fist hit her opponent in such a way that her body fell torpidly on the ground. The fight was over before it could even begin. The referee counted to ten and Alex was still, just like her opponent on the floor. By the tenth second Alex left the cage and made her way to the cubicle. Piper needed some more second to register what had happened. Alex had knocked her rival out with only one stroke. Of course, the crowd was getting louder per second. Within all that mess Piper's gaze crossed Red's who was just as stunned as her. She could not hear her but she could see the big question mark in her eyes. Piper's only reply was a shrug of her shoulders before she got up to run to the cubicle.

The door was wide open when she stormed inside it. Her azure eyes scanned the room and the sound of running water let her know that Alex was taking a shower already. In the meantime, Red had caught up with her. She was a bit out of breath.

"Did you just see that, too?"

Piper solely nodded her head, still in disbelief as well.

"Ok," Red said and gave Piper's back a pat. "Her press conference won't be so short. You've got 10 minutes."

With that, she left and closed the door behind her.

Piper noticed that any noise was gone, so she waited for Alex to come out of the shower. When she did, she was stark naked, making Piper painfully aware how the room was running out of air.

"I thought you were going to join me."

Alex's hips were swaying in a way that Piper could not tear her gaze away. It was difficult for her to focus. And Alex knew that.

But then Piper wondered if Alex was hiding again. That question gave her the strength to sort her thoughts and prioritise them.

"Alex." Piper licked her lips. "What was that?"

"An invitation to take a shower with me."

"No," she instantly responded and grabbed Alex's wrists to guide her towards the bench.

They both sat down, and Alex gave her a confused look.

"How did you knock her out like this?"

In addition, Piper inched closer to her face, staring deeply into her eyes.

Now Alex was not so confused anymore. When she realised what was on Piper's mind, when she got through to the core of her thoughts, she sprang to her feet and shook her girlfriend's hands off.

"You think I took something? Are you serious?!"

"Alex-"

"Wow," she scoffed and avoided Piper's eyes.

"You just went in there and made her fall to the ground with one hit only," Piper tried to explain but Alex did not bother to understand her. "What do you think that looked like?"

She could not believe that Piper did not trust her.

She was no junkie anymore.

"I really don't know what to say."

To her own surprise, Alex stayed calmer than she thought.

When she could finally look at Piper, she saw that she had gotten up form the bench. However, she did not want her to get close to her.

"I knocked her out in a second and you think that I'm on amphetamines? And check if my pupils look like black plates? Do you want to examine my urine, too?"

There was slight hurt in Piper's eyes, but she would find the same in Alex's eyes, too, if she had no walls.

"Just so you know, the only thing you'd find in my piss is fucking suboxone. Maybe some methadone as well. That I'm popping to get off the shit that really makes me high."

Was it really going to be a never-ending story?

By now, Piper could be sure that Alex was not getting fucked up anymore. That time was over. She did want to believe that. Yet, there was still that irrational fear that sooner or later, the whole thing was going to fall apart like a house of cards.

"Jesus, Piper." She ran a hand through her jet-black hair. "What more do you want?"

Alex took a step closer to her.

"All day you have been making sure that I'm taking my meds."

And another step.

"I was being honest with you about my feelings last night."

And another.

"And yet, you don't trust me. I just won against some girl you don't even know the name of who was simply no competitor for me."

There was only one step left between them.

"And yet, you think I got coked up or doped myself up and risk my career and our relationship over something… something so meaningless."

There it was again. The proof that Alex kept no more secrets or feelings from Piper. And Piper had thanked her by distrusting her. At least it opened her eyes.

"You're right, you're right." Alex stepped away from her and Piper watched her taking on some clothes. "I'm sorry."

Despite her sincere apology, Alex ignored her. This time, she shut Piper out on purpose, no drugs or defense-mechanisms included. Of course she did know that Piper was aware of her inappropriate behaviour. However, what more lengths did she need to go to prove to Piper that their love was safe with her. Apparently, Piper still could not even trust her, after all the things they have been through and put each other through. On top of all, this whole situation was not even comparable to Alex's real betrayals, which were past and buried. At least, so had Alex thought.

Once she was fully dressed, wearing a casual white shirt and a pair of dark jeans, there was nothing holding her back from leaving her girlfriend in the lurch. Piper was painfully aware, as she saw Alex approaching the door. It was not her words that stopped her.

Alex's hand had grabbed around the door knob already, when the two women heard the sounds of a phone ringing. Following the noise, Piper made her way to the bench and slid her hand into the insides of Alex's bag. She handed the ringing mobile to Alex who did not hesitate to answer the call.

"Hey mum."

Her voice was evidently calm, as she still had to hold herself together. Though the look in her eyes said something else.

"Honey, what was that? Couldn't you have waited a bit longer, like, 10 or 20 seconds at least? I missed the fight. I sat down and you were out of the cage again."

"Yeah, well, you're just getting old. And slow. Like a snail."

Neither could take their eyes off each other. It was Alex's ego and Piper's pride that glued their gazes.

"Same blood, honey, don't forget that. You've got my genes which means that you'll be a snail someday, too. But a beautiful one, thanks to me."

"I'll have someone send you a thank-you card."

Watching Alex talk with her mother like that nearly made Piper think that Alex could be a load more professional than she once had thought. But Alex solely meant to not upset her mother.

Besides, they had yet to let this same old song play out.

Alex's mother chuckled on the other end of the line, as she was absolutely oblivious to the heat of the moment.

"How are you, mum?"

"I'm good, thanks darling. Jack Black's doing well, too."

Alex frowned. "Jack Black?"

"Yes, he's got pitch-black fur and is a man."

"You named the cat Jack Black?"

"Yes," Diane proudly admitted.

If it had not been for their fight, Alex would have grinned. Although she did not, Piper could tell that she wanted to. There were the slightest of sparks in her green eyes.

The line was silent for a moment, and the silence made the room only heavier for the both of them. So Alex cleared her throat. As uncomfortable this whole situation made her and Piper feel, she would never ditch on her mother. She could not say the same about Piper right now.

Nonetheless, Diane somehow had to know that something was off. "I just called to check on you. How's Piper, she's with you, right?"

Yes, she is with me, Alex hoped.

She hesitated first before she gave a reply. "Yes. Yes, she is."

"Wonderful, can I speak to her for a moment? I have to thank her for making sure that you kept that fight so short."

"What? What do you mean?" Alex asked instantly.

"Oh come on. She cannot stand to see you getting beat up, I mean, we all can't. But the only person you listen to is Piper so you promised her you wouldn't let… what was her name again? So you promised Piper you wouldn't let your opponent get near you."

Alex really wished that would have been true. And she admired the way her mother would see things. Maybe she was the one who could see them clearer than anyone else.

Yet it did not change the fact that Alex could not stand to be in the same room as Piper right now.

However, a light chuckle fell from her lips. It made it a bit easier for her to lie. "Yeah, seems about right." The next sentence did burn her lip, though. "After all, Piper is always right, isn't she?"

It hurt Alex as much as Piper.

"It's so good to know that you're starting to think, Alex. Now I can finally rest at night and get some proper sleep."

"Speaking of sleep, shouldn't you be in bed. It must be like 1 AM in New York."

"Well, stop holding me up then and give me Piper," her mother insisted.

It did not feel right to Alex nor to Piper to talk with Diane, but there was nothing they could do but play along. Their fingers touched briefly when Alex passed her the cell phone.

"Hey Diane."

Neither of the two refused to stop looking at each other. Alex could see Piper thinking as she was searching for the right things to say.

"Hey sunshine, how are you?"

She hated to lie but she could not tell her the truth. "Thanks, I'm good. I hope you are, too."

"Of course, I'm glad my dear Alex made short work of the other girl tonight. You must be happy about that, too. Her face and brain were spared," Diane joked.

"I sure am."

"Listen, there's something I need to talk with you about. Can Alex hear us?"

As Alex showed no reaction, Piper replied, "No."

"So, as things are going so well for Alex, I figured I would join you in Las Vegas when she's going to reach the final. But don't tell her, it's a surprise."

"Okay, yeah, sure. That would be great."

"Only you may know. I'll keep you updated if you're fine with that? Like, I'll let you know when my flight will be scheduled and stuff like that."

"Yes, of course."

"Great, thank you darling. Now take care of my girl, will you?"

Piper's voice got stuck in her throat for a second. "Always, Diane."

"I knew I could count on you, Piper. Have a good night and give Alex a kiss from me."

"Good night, Diane."

When Alex took the phone out of her hand, her hand and shoulders still felt too heavy. Which was why Piper tried to get through to her before she could even place her phone inside her bad. "Alex, please, listen to me. I'm really sorry-"

"I can't do this right now, Piper."

And with that, she grabbed her bag and shut the door from the other side of the cubicle. There was a bog beneath Piper, as she could not run after. Every step would only drag her down even deeper. Therefore she sat down on the bench and stared into the silent nothingness. The unspoken words were still surrounding her, and they created an unclarity that made Piper feel sick. Of course they still loved each other. Actually, they loved each other so much, that their love was capable of tearing them apart. But now, when she was all by herself, she realised how much she must have hurt Alex. She had done everything for her and in return Piper was still doubting her. She did not do that on purpose, though. When she said that she trusted Alex, she truly meant it. Yet, it did not mean that she did.

Releasing a breath she did not know she was holding broke the aching silence. She remembered that Alex had to do the press conference in this very moment. So she turned on the tv that was hung up on the wall opposite to her, turning up the volume when she saw the person she has been missing already.

"Good evening, Miss Vause. What a fight. If we can even call it that."

"What do you mean?"

"I haven't checked yet, but I think it must be the shortest fight in the history of the MMA."

She saw how Alex just nodded her head. It was obvious how disinterested she was.

"So tell us, Miss Vause. How did you do that? Because some of us actually missed it."

"I walked up to her and hit her in the face."

The camera wavered to the interviewer who was clearly having a hard time to keep the conversation going.

"Right. Simple as that, huh?"

"Sure."

"Now, where'd you get all this strength or motivation from?"

"I always ate the spinach."

Alex was being so cocky, that it made Piper forget about their fight. A light smile was adorning her face, actually.

The interviewer was at a loss for words, as he was struggling to find the right questions to ask. By the look on Alex's face Piper could tell that she was enjoying it. Yet, something had to have changed her mind because she decided to release him and get him off the hook.

"Look, this interview is taking longer than the event. So just let me tell you one last thing and we can finish this here. I promised to my girlfriend that I wouldn't take any risks tonight so I did what I did and can come back to her without any bruises or broken bones. That's the best answer I can give you. Good night."

The same way she had abandoned Piper earlier, Alex ditched the interviewer as she got up and left the stage. There was no chance for anyone to stop her or talk with her. Not even the cameras could follow her. But unlike Piper, Alex did not straight go back to their suite.

Somehow, Alex had ended up in an empty bar which was not too far from their hotel. For the first time this night, she checked the time and realised that she has been spending more than two hours there. And that she has not gotten any texts or calls from Piper. Not that she has been hoping to receive any. Her glance landed on the bottom of her glass again that she has been staring into all night. Piper did not need to worry, though. She did not drink anything but water. And her nostrils were free, too. Being this utterly sober and clean made her swallow another on her pseudo-pills. She downed the glass and was still unaware of the pair of eyes which was locked on her. It was an exclusive bar, she had made sure of that before she had entered it because she had wanted to avoid any annoying paparazzi or fans.

But the person who has been eyeing her did not care for her name or her fame. Something else about Alex had grasped her attention.

"Would you like another glass of water?"

Reminiscing about her past moments with her girlfriend, Alex had not heard the question at first.

"Miss?"

Eventually, Alex left her head and looked up, finding curious eyes staring at her.

"Yeah, sure," she just mumbled as she pushed her glass towards the bartender.

The woman poured the water into her glass. Despite Alex's apathy, she was keen to find out what was bothering her.

"Rough night?" Alex took a sip. "Are you a bartender or a therapist?"

"Mostly, I'm both. But I only get paid for one," she admitted, making Alex look at her.

The bartender was tan, with hazel eyes and long dark hair. For some reason, Alex assumed that the woman on the other side of the bar counter was a bit older than her. There was a sly accent in her words, letting Alex know that she had to have latin american roots.

She read her name plate. "Well, Valeria, that fucking sucks. Why do you still bother being both?"

"Because finding out the deepest secrets of strange people is better than any paycheck I can get."

Alex chuckled. "Fair enough."

"Now, tell me. What's your secret, Alex Vause?"

Her identity clearly was no secret. Not that it surprised her.

Despite the fact that Alex would not forget about her girlfriend and start getting involved with other people, she did not feel like Valeria was flirting with her. Instead, she seemed to be rather honest, as honest as a bartender in Las Vegas could be.

Besides, Alex would not see her again anyway.

"I lie. Even when I don't lie."

The bartender raised her brows, her attention obviously drawn to Alex. She had to serve another guest before she could deal with that statement.

"How so?"

"That's pretty much what everyone thinks. Or wants me to do." She took another sip from her glass of water, although it did not create any kind of rush inside her.

It was for the better, Alex.

(Was it?)

"Now figure that one out, Dr. Bartender."

Her green gaze stayed on the woman opposite to her, as she was preparing herself for any possible response and was expecting nothing at the same time. Yet, it was worth a try.

"It's got something to do with the press conference earlier, right?"

Alex shrugged her shoulders. That press conference might have spread like a wildfire. But Alex did not care. Instead, she wanted to know if Valeria only saw her on the tv like everyone else or actually looked at her. It would be nice for a change to come across someone who would not judge but understand. Or at least would try to understand.

"Okay, so, I've got an idea."

There was a small smirk on Alex's face. "Do tell."

"First of all, you're not really supposed to be here, are you? And secondly, it's not really about the lying."

"Go on," she said, raising a brow.

"Do you even know why you're here?"

"Don't answer my question with another question, Doc."

"Fine, let's put that aside for a moment. Anyways, I know why you're not here. You're not here to drink, or to gamble, nor to hook up with someone because you said yourself earlier something about a girlfriend. Whom you promised to come back to without any injuries. Yet, you are hurt, so you haven't gone back to her."

"Not bad," Alex had to admit as she pointed her finger at her.

She saw a smile creeping on Valeria's face. "You're here to lick your wounds."

Alex's response was solely a deadpan look, so she added, "Sorry, I just wanted to better the mood. All right, let's go back to being serious."

Watching Valeria talk and listening to her made Alex realise how she did not see her the way she saw Piper. Ever since she had met Piper, there has been no one else but her. On her mind, in her bed, and in her heart. There would never be someone else for her. It was Piper and Piper only. In her life that she had had before Piper, she would have liked to spend the night with someone like Valeria. Alex would have been gone in the morning, but that would not have mattered. No one could have made her stay. Unlike Piper.

And of course there was nothing she would rather do but go back to her. Yet, she just couldn't. Not yet. Because

"You're here and not with her because you're so hurt that you're afraid that you will hurt her, too."

Alex could not deny that it did make sense. She did feel slightly exposed. The feeling evoked her old habits.

"Now, care to hear my guess? I think you're not a bartender but in fact a therapist who just happened to bartend."

"And why would I do that?"

"Well, you can sell liquor here. Loosens the tongue."

"Shit, you got me there."

Alex winked at her as she raised her glass once more to empty it.

"Another?"

Her response was quick. "No, thanks."

For a few minutes, Valeria left her popular guest alone. And it made Alex wonder. Wonder why Piper still would not trust her. Wonder if she was not enough. Wonder if she feared that the incident would have a bigger impact on their relationship than both of them could assume. Wonder

"Why are you still here, Alex?"

Exactly. She was wondering about that, too. She was still hurting, and the risks of hurting Piper were still very high. But love was pain.

"You make an excellent bartender, Doc."

Leaving way more money on the bar counter than she needed, she smiled at Valeria and eventually went back to Piper.

Waiting. How much she hated waiting. There were not many things she hated more than waiting. One of them was Alex. But not tonight. Tonight Piper hated herself. Having spent this whole night by herself in the hotel suite has been giving her much time and even more space to think. There was one constant on her mind. Every second that has been passing made her feel how much she had hurt Alex. It had not been in the same way they had hurt each other in the past. This night was different. It was different because Piper had to come to the realisation that she was in fact not so different. Actually, she was like everyone else. She had seen Alex the way everyone else would see her. She had done nothing wrong and Piper had to foist a crime on her. Although she had told her that she trusted her. Although she had claimed that she loved her.

So, of course she knew how Alex had to feel like. But that was not similar to the way Piper felt about her.

Alex was enough. More than that. Also, she did trust her. She wanted to. Truly. And there was nothing and no one she loved more than her. And ever could.

Yet, actions spoke louder than words and her reaction had been louder than a scream.

Once a junkie, always a junkie.

How could drugs still create an issue between them when they were gone. Maybe because they have never left. But it was Piper who was hooked on them. She was the one who saw the drugs in Alex. Not the other way around.

Fuck, how much she hated waiting. Her neck was hurting already from turning her face towards the door every five seconds. Alex had to come back, though. Time was just moving too slowly. Piper was so fixated on seeing that door swing open that she could not even sleep.

Almost 3 Am.

Even if Alex was going to walk through that door high and cracked out of her mind, she would not care. That was how much she hated herself.

But love was pain.

It released Piper like a coup de grâce when she heard someone unlock the door. She instantly sprang to her feet.

"Alex."

She saw that she was not high. Why had she been incapable of seeing that yesterday?

"Hey."

Without shooting a glance at Piper, Alex brushed past her and disappeared into the bedroom. However, she had not expected anything else. She took a deep breath before she followed her.

"Can we talk?"

Finally, a pair of green eyes on her. Though the moment did not last long. "Okay."

Piper sat down by the end of the bed whilst she was watching Alex getting through her night routine. But she needed Alex to see.

"Would you mind to give me a minute or two?"

Alex's feet immediately came to an halt and dropped her sleeping clothes. It took her a bit longer to turn around. Eventually, she was returning Piper's gaze, and she could continue. "I love you, Alex. And I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel like this. Like you're not giving your best to make this work. I know you are. And I hope you know that I know."

"But is that enough for you, Piper?"

Piper did not waste a second to stand up. "You're more than enough for me."

"No, that's not what I'm asking."

There was a frown on her face, and tears in her eyes. It pained Alex to see her like this. But you always hurt the ones you loved. "Am I doing enough for you, Piper? Because, when you tell me that you love me, I wanna believe you. And when you say that you trust me, I wanna believe you, too. But do you believe that you can trust me?"

"Look, I don't know what's gotten into me, okay? It was a mistake, I know that. It just slipped out and if I could, I would take it back."

"Yet, you said it-"

"Jesus, Alex, I'm sorry. I'm sorry! How many times do I have to apologise to you?"

"How many more times do I have to prove you that you can trust me?"

"That's not fair."

Alex placed her glasses on top her head. "Nothing is."

There it returned, the familiar tense silence. It filled the room, turning both women into loose cannons. If one of them was going to take their eyes off the other, they would no longer be able to block it out. The silence wrapped like a rope around their throats. But Piper loved Alex more than she hated herself.

"I'm sorry."

She could not read the expression on Alex's face. Once again, she was hiding. Old habits.

So she stepped closer to her. "Give me a chance. Please."

Indeed, nothing was fair. But not giving Piper a chance to make up to her after all the shit she has done, would be terribly unfair. Yet, there was something still holding Alex back.

"Alex."

Was she the one who turnt Piper into this person?

"Alex."

Did she create her?

By planting fear and mistrust inside her?

Did she hand her the apple, too?

"Alex, look at me." Piper placed her hands on her pale cheeks. They were so soft. "Whatever it's going to be, we'll get through it. Just give me a chance."

They have been together because they both decided to be. Alex did not need to repulse Piper because she feared that she would ruin her. Piper has not stayed with her because she had no one else. She has because she loved no one else like her. And so did Alex. Love had to be enough. When she was going to give Piper a chance, she could not do the same mistake as her and distrust her. Piper said that she was sorry. She assured her that she was enough and that she did enough. Even in times Alex had not believed it herself, it had been enough to know that Piper had. That was why it hurt her so much.

You always hurt the ones you loved. The ones you should not hurt at all. But they were the only ones you could hurt.

They haven't gone this far to only throw everything away like a pile of paper.

Alex was the one who took the final step and wrapped her arms tightly around Piper. In the blink of an eye, Piper let herself fall into her embrace, dropping her hands to hold onto Alex. They both could finally breathe again. Without saying a word, Alex managed to grab Piper's remorse and self-loathe and thew them away.