This one is for Deana, enjoy :-)

Unfortunately, I still don't own The Musketeers.

"Stop complaining and lie still, Aramis. You behave like a three year old!"

"Hah, you are one to talk! Remind me next time when it comes to patching you up. There's a musket ball in my butt, don't you think that's enough reason to complain?"

"It's a wonder you haven't gotten one before given the times you fled from mad husbands and fiancés."

"Porthos, please, now is not the time! I received this one serving my king and country."

"Yes, my hero, now shut up. Athos is back with the rum."

"Shouldn't we wait for the doctor?"

"You are the one telling us time and time again how important it is to disinfect a wound as soon as possible, so hold still. Athos, the rum, please. D'Artagnan, grab his legs."

"Wait! I don't think ... Argghh!"

(...)

"You with us? He is a bit pale and sweaty, isn't he?"

"Relax, Aramis, the worst is over!"

"I …don't … think..so. I … doubt … removing it ... will be… more fun.."

"Do you want one of us to do it?"

"NO! I'd rather do it by myself than letting one of you brutes near my gluteus maximus!"

"Ha, that would be a fine sight! How would you manage?"

"Maybe a mirror should do the trick..."

"Don't be ridiculous! The doctor is on his way."

"He's a dilettante. D'Artagnan, bring me my tweezers and a mirror, please."

"Stop this nonsense, Aramis! Ah, here he is. Good evening, doctor."

(…)

"He's gone, you can open your eyes now, 'Mis."

"A dilettante, as I said … ouch! This will scar so terribly…"

"Oh, 'Mis! Look at the bright side, the ladies love scars."

"Yes, on shoulders or chests. But on the backside?"

"You only need a good explanation, for example: 'I jumped in front of the king and caught a bullet. It was painful, but I saved his life.' "

"Yes, Aramis, that would sound much better than 'I was shot at the royal hunt by a shortsighted nobleman who took me for a deer.' "

"Aramis?"

"He's asleep, let's leave him alone."

"Here are his braies. Wow, that's a big hole! Someone should mend them."

(Next morning)

"Ha ha, very funny! WHICH ONE OF YOU MORONS STITCHED A TARGET ON MY BRAIES?"