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Chapter Text

This Is a Life That You Can't Deny Us Now

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, obviously.

Author Disclaimer: This is an AU Reylo centered story with mature themes.

Author's Note: I truly do appreciate constructive feedback please and thank you. To all the people who have given me feedback already, I truly do appreciate it. I love conversing with all of you, so please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or want to talk.

Chapter Six: Discoveries

Rey awoke the following morning feeling well rested, but uncomfortable. Whatever she had slept on was too soft, whatever it was, it certainly was not her usual sleeping arrangement in her AT-AT back on Jakku. She opened her eyes to find herself in an actual bed, black bedding covering her and providing her warmth. She raised her head to find Kylo Ren sitting at the table where they had eaten dinner together the previous evening, watching her movements. Rey scowled at him, realizing she actually had voluntarily left Jakku with him, that it had not all been just a bizarre dream.

Kylo smirked at her and teased, "I can see that a good night's sleep has done you well, you're right back to your usual contempt for me."

Rey clenched her jaw and averted her gaze from him. She could sense that he was still watching her, though, more than likely with that abhorrent smirk upon his wretched face. She continued to avoid his gaze, looking all around the room except at him. Silence passed between them long enough that Rey assumed that he had lost interest in goading her, but alas he decided to continue speaking.

"When you woke up just now, you assumed that everything that had transpired yesterday had all been a dream. Tell me, did you often dream of me while on Jakku?"

Rey's cheeks flushed a deep crimson, she knew Kylo did not miss this , she heard his amused laughter travel across the room. She threw his blanket off her in a huff and haughtily stomped to the fresher. Rey placed her forehead against the cool, metal wall of the room and inhaled deep breaths, attempting to calm herself. Her outbursts had her wondering if she had been around Kylo Ren far too long, that if his penchant for rage and violent tantrums were starting to wear off on her.

She heard him laugh even harder, she growled and slammed her fist against the wall. What she would not give to force slam him into the wall again, the memory of which made its way to her mind and brought a hint of a smile to her face. Apparently it made its way into Kylo's mind as well, because his laughter ceased. Good, she thought, serves him right for always entering her head without her permission. Suddenly, an image appeared in her head, of her placing a chaste kiss on the lips of Kylo Ren and begging him to stay with her. Rey's embarrassment intensified, she had actually done that. She had not only kissed her enemy the previous evening, after she had awoken from that horrible nightmare, but she had pleaded with him to stay with her, to share a bed with her, which he had no qualms doing. He had held her the rest of the night, she remembered the feeling of his breathing on her skin, how his body perfectly engulfed hers as he wrapped his arms around her petite frame. Rey didn't bother trying to think of something for him see, something that would upset him, he had won that round.

Rey went about her business in the fresher. She relieved herself and spent a considerable amount of time cleaning herself up. She washed her face with cold water, hoping that it would help rid the flush that tinged her cheeks. Despite being away from the humidity of Jakku, her hair stood up in multiple directions. She used her fingers to comb it out and wove it into a braid, mimicking the movements she had felt Kylo do to it the evening before. Rey stayed in the fresher longer than she needed to, using any excuse to stay in the room, in no hurry to face Kylo Ren. Finally, Rey worked up the nerve to leave the room and deal with the abhorrent man who worked her nerves. When she exited the room, Kylo Ren was still sitting at the table, but now there were two plates of food in front of him.

Kylo gestured towards the seat across from him and ordered, "Come eat. You are going to need plenty of energy today."

"Why's that?" Rey questioned, but sat down across of him nonetheless. She began to consume the warm bread and sweet fruit he offered, not even bothering to use the eating utensils. She picked up each piece with her hands and ate, licking the crumbs and juices from her fingers after each bite.

` Kylo rolled his eyes, but otherwise did not comment on her uncouth eating style and answered, "We are to begin your training today."

Rey did not respond, she had forgotten his condition that he teach her if she wished to learn more of her past. She struggled with the thought of him training her, she wanted to learn and no one else was volunteering to be her teacher, but she did not want him as her teacher either. Kylo Ren raised his eyebrow, annoyance apparent upon his face.

"You are unhappy that I am going to train you," he commented.

Rey could not argue with his statement, he was correct. How much of herself would she give him while he trained her, how many of her values would she lose to him in the process? She was not naive enough to believe Kylo Ren would train her only to release her to go back to the Resistance, to fight against him under the leadership of his mother. If she allowed Kylo Ren to train her she would be allowing him to mold her into something that was against everything she stood for. That was the agreement she had made though, she had to have realized this when she left Jakku with him, it was not like Kylo Ren had any other purpose for her except to turn her into an ideal apprentice to fight for his cause.

Kylo Ren's faced contorted into one of anger, "The way you lie to yourself, it disgusts me."

Rey was taken aback by his accusation, now she was angry, "I have not told myself a lie."

"No, Rey, you have told yourself many lies. The first being that I have no other purpose for you than to be my apprentice. I intend for you to become my apprentice, but we are both aware that is not my only intention for you."

Rey's cheeks were flushed again, she knew exactly what he was insinuating. She thought about the previous evening, after she had pulled apart from the kiss she initiated, he had attempted to kiss her again. She had almost allowed him to until his thoughts appeared to her, of their naked bodies tangled together in the sheets, passionately kissing. She refused to acknowledge that Kylo Ren wanted her in such a way, he had know her since she was an infant for goodness sake. They had been apart for many years though and they are no longer the children they once were. When the force bond between them was reignited, something had changed, feelings of adoration had evolved into something else, something much more intense and fervent. She refused to accept it though, she may not hate Kylo Ren, but she was just as sure she did not like him either.

"Another lie," he commented. Rey grit her teeth, she was through with him entering her head without permission. "Don't fool yourself Rey, I would not be able to so easily see your thoughts, to feel your emotions unless you wanted me to."

She ignored his implication and spat, "Since you know me so well Kylo, what else would you like to tell me about myself?"

Kylo grinned and replied, "You believe that I want to change you, to mold you into something you are not. I only wish to train you, to help you reach your full potential. You would not be able to do that without my help, even if Luke Skywalker had decided to make you his padawan."

Rey thought of her brief time on Ahch-to with Luke Skywalker, if he had accepted her, offered to train her to be a Jedi, would she have reached her full potential? Even though Luke had claimed he was her own father, he did not seem particularly fond of her. Would he have been an effective teacher for her? Rey was embarrassed, she had so easily believed he was her father. Fathers don't despise their own children, they have love and adoration for them, even after years apart. Even Han Solo had cared deeply for Kylo Ren, despite all the horrible things Kylo had done.

Kylo stood up from his chair and walked over to her, he crouched down in front of her and spoke, "You were right about one thing, Rey. I am not going to allow you to leave here, especially after I train you. I will not teach you in order for you to betray me and go to the Resistance so they can use you as a weapon against the First Order, against me. You think you understand everything, yet there is so much for you to learn." He raised his hand and stroked his fingers along her cheek, a look resembling sympathy in his eyes. He continued, "Make no mistake, what the Resistance is fighting for, what my own mother is, are the ideals of Luke Skywalker, a man who hates you Rey. Who has hated you before you were even born."

Rey looked away from him, her throat had tightened and there were unshed tears in the corner of her eyes. Kylo gently guided her head so that she was looking into his eyes, his expression was tender. He whispered to her, "I do not tell you this to cause you pain, Rey. I am telling you this because I care about you, more than anyone fighting for the Resistance ever could."

An image of Finn appeared in her mind, of her kissing his forehead and promising him that they would meet again. Would she be his enemy when they were finally reunited? Kylo's nostrils flared, he was not thrilled that she shared such an intimate memory with a man he considered to be a traitor. He gripped his fingers and in a sharp tone told her, "I care about you more than he ever could. He does not know you like I know you."

She scowled at him, "If you care for me as much as you claim, why did you leave me on Jakku for so long?"

His grip on her face loosened and he averted his gaze downward. Rey had no idea what caused this sudden change in his demeanor, he appeared to be ashamed. He released a heavy sigh and looked back up to her, "I was not completely honest with you, when I arrived on Jakku yesterday."

Of course he hadn't been, he had originally told her she had a choice of whether to leave with him or not. Then that evening, he revealed that he had not intention of allowing her to remain on Jakku. She did not interrupt him though, she allowed him to finish what he was saying, " I did go back for you, about two years after I had left you there. I arrived and could not feel you, through our bond that we shared. I left thinking you were not there anymore. I never considered that you could still be there, that something must have happened to our force bond. I believe that something happened to you on Jakku. Something that caused you to not only lose your memories but to sever our bond for so many years."

Rey considered what Kylo was saying, he had returned to Jakku for her all those years ago. He had withheld that information from her because he had been so ashamed that he had not located her when he returned, that he had obviously not searched thoroughly enough for her. She was not angry with him, though, he had been so used to having this bond that he could not have fathomed that something had broken it. She pitied him, it was obvious that he felt guilty for leaving her on Jakku all those years, even if it was not intentional. Rey wrapped her arms around his neck and placed her head in the crook of his neck. He had not been expecting this reaction from her, it took him a moment to lift his own arms and return her embrace.

"I think you're right Kylo," she admitted.

"What about?" he questioned, not sure which part of their conversation she was referring.

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes, "I think you're correct to assume that something must have happened to me on Jakku. Something must have caused my memory loss, that broke our connection. I have no idea what though, I cannot remember."

He nodded his head and considered her words. He stayed crouched in front of her for some time, not speaking, the pensive look on his face told her he was giving great thought to what she had said. He mulled over it until his face lit up in realization, optimistically he asked her, "Can you trust me, Rey?"

It was a loaded question, one Rey could not immediately answer. She considered what he was asking, did she trust him? This man that had done such horrible things, but also cared about her in a way no one else ever had. Even with his moments of deceit, he had still been more honest with her than Luke Skywalker had. He had given her more answers to who she is in the past day than anyone had in the last fifteen years. Could she really trust him?

"Yes, yes I can trust you Kylo," she conceded. Kylo smiled at her and stood up from where he had been crouching in front of her, he held his hand out for her to take. She placed her hand in his and he pulled her up from the seat and led her over to the bed.

"Lie down," he instructed. She didn't question him, she got onto the bed and stretched out on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. He got on the other side and settled himself in next to her. He was turned on his side, facing her, his head propped up by his arm. When she was as relaxed as she was ever going to get on the bed that was still too soft, he told her to close her eyes. She raised an eyebrow at him, not sure where he planned to go with all of this. He chuckled and said, "I meant what I said last night, when it comes to that, we will play it your way for the time being, now shut your eyes."

Rey obeyed his request and closed her eyes. The deprivation of sight caused her to become more attuned to her other senses. She felt the bed shift slightly, then almost jumped when she felt Kylo's breath on her ear as he spoke, "I don't want this to hurt, but I can't promise that it won't cause you some discomfort. The best thing you can do is try to remain as calm and relaxed as possible."

She felt Kylo Ren enter her mind and start pushing his way through her mental defenses like he had when he had when he interrogated her. She resisted the urge to fight, to push him out of her mind that she had done when he was attempting to retrieve the map to Luke Skywalker from her. She reminded herself that she was doing this to help her, so they could find out why she had lost all her memories of her childhood, all her memories of him. He pushed through her memories, ones of her holding her stomach, trying not to cry out in pain from the lack of rations. Ones of her scavenging for hours in the blazing heat, her fingers raw and bleeding from continued use. He continued on, going further, each one he came upon she became younger and younger. Finally, he found one, a memory that she had somehow repressed, that she had no immediate recollection of.

There she was, about six years old and standing uneasily in front of Unkar Plutt. She was wearing the same outfit that Kylo Ren had left her there in, except now it was filthy and had holes in it. She was thinner than when he had left her, Rey could she her own ribcage prominent through the holes in the tunic. She stood on her tiptoes to receive the pitiful portion Unkar Plutt was offering her for her day's worth of scavenging.

"It's not worth more?" she timidly asked.

"Bring me better quality pieces and you will receive more," Unkar Plutt sneered down at her.

Young Rey stomped away from the counter, trying her best not to cry. She started the grueling walk back to where she stayed when she was not scavenging, a walk that had caused countless blisters to her small feet. She passed a large abandoned ship, she almost paid no mind to it, but she was blinded by a light. She looked up and something shiny caught her attention, something that could be worth more portions. Whatever the item was, it was located high up in one of the engine intakes. Young Rey looked around, trying to figure out a strategy to climb up and obtain the item. She finally thought of something, Rey watched as the young version of her started to pull herself up the side of the engine intake. Her younger self only made it so far before she tried to stretch her small arm out to reach the object. She was just a little bit short, her fingertips grazed the item, but could not quite grasp it. She continued to try for it though, straining to reach the item. She was finally able to elongate herself enough to grab the item, but before she could pull it down she lost her footing between the crack and fell screaming to the bottom of the engine intake. Her younger self hit the ground hard, her head smashed against the metal floor and created a horrible sound that echoed. The fall knocked her nonconscious, there was a large wound on her head that was bleeding. Her younger self remained in the same spot unconscious for hours, if the young girl wasn't herself then she would have sworn that the girl had been killed by the fall. Finally, her younger self woke up, hysterical from the throbbing pain in her head and terrified because she had no idea where she was or how she got there. All she remembered was that her name was Rey and she was a scavenger on Jakku.

Rey felt Kylo left her mind, she opened her eyes and looked up at him. She gave him a small smile and said, "At least we know what happened now."

Kylo gave her a curt nod but did not respond. She sat up and reached out to him, concerned as to why he was so upset. He grabbed her hand and pressed his lips against the back of it. He brushed off her worry and replied, "I'm alright. Come, we are running behind and need to begin your training."

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