*TW: contains a graphic scene of self harm

"Yeah and I get why, but I mean, it's all still complete garbage." Ed finally finished his rant and sighed, throwing his hands up with a groan of frustration.

Edd had only been half listening, tugging down the sleeves of his cardigan and carefully making sure his steps aligned with the cracks on the sidewalk. They were walking home alone, Eddy had been stricken with the flu for the last two days and Edds palms were slick with the weight of carrying home Eddys homework that he most likely wouldn't complete anyways. "Well I'm sure it wasn't anything personal Ed." A short, calculated answer, Ed had been going on about something or other to do with one of his classes, and while academics were never going to be his strong point, Edd could see he gave it a valiant effort, though he could watch less movies, it wasn't worth getting into it over.

"Whatever man, I'm just glad I don't have to deal with this shit for two weeks." Ed stretched his arms over his head and turned around to walk backwards next to Edd, letting the cool November breeze ruffle his wild red hair. "I'm so ready to not deal with anything."

Edd smiled indulgently at his friend, tilting his head up and feeling the cold bite at his ears. He couldn't agree with Ed more. The school year had been more stressful than he remembered school ever being, and the promise of two weeks off combined with the heat of summer finally dissipated and given way to the cold, Edd hadn't felt so relaxed in weeks.

Also, with their school work load coming to a halt, perhaps he could see a touch more of Kevin outside of the pretext of studying French.

Kevin.

Edd could feel the tips of his ears warm up in a blush as his thoughts drifted to Kevin. He was immeasurably proud of the drastic turn his grades had taken, and he was also proud of how different he was, so much less angry and so much softer, speaking to Edd in low and gentle tones that made him feel, visible, and important.

The incident on Halloween had done its share of causing Edd endless insomnia, the gentle but firm, almost possessive way Kevin's large hand had fingered Edds curls and silently commanded his face in the direction he wanted. Edd shuddered, one hand coming up beneath his hat and winding a curl around one finger. If he didn't know any better, he could have sworn Kevin meant to kiss him.

Kevin hadn't mentioned it, not that Edd truly expected him to, he himself had gone to every single great length he could fathom to not bring it up to Kevin himself. Just the memory of the was enough to reduce Edd to a stuttering and blushing mess, surely speaking the words out loud to the perpetrator would cause him to combust.

Though, it had become somewhat easier to control himself, he hadn't had a particularly bad episode since, and yes it was true his parents were as absent as ever, the now much longer study sessions with Kevin were doing wonders at filling the empty noise of his home.

Though, as Edd remembered, it was nearly thanksgiving, usually the only holiday a year his parents remained in town, and they would be here in a few days, and though his nerves pricked with the memory of how cold and distant they had been the last time they were home around a month ago

Good lord a month? Had it really been? What kind of parents-

Edd shook the errant thought out of his head as Ed tripped over his own foot and barreled into Edd in an effort to steady himself. He had been down that path of thought before and it never ended well for his sense of peace. It was best to take things as they came.

"Okay so-" Ed began as he steadied himself and kept walking forward this time, scrolling through his phone and pointing an obnoxious finger dangerously close to Edds personal space. "We're gonna go to your house, get the Xbox and your clothes and shit-"

"Language Ed-"

"AND THEN-" Ed ignored him and plowed on, "Go drag Eddys ass out of bed and wait for Kev and Naz to get out of practice-"

"Language!"

"Dammit Double Dee I'm sorry!" Edd threw his hands up as they turned into the cul-de-sac, an exaggerated expression of pain on his face. "I like cursing!"

"It's uncivilized!" Edd giggled behind his hand as Ed continued to bemoan. He was in a strangely good mood, laughing easier despite the anxiety creeping up as his house came into view, his parents black car glittering in the driveway sending spikes of fear through him instantly.

"Oh dear-" the words left his throats completely out of his control as he stopped on the sidewalk, Eddys assignments nearly tumbling out of his arms.

"Oh fuck me your parents are actually home." Eds hands came up to catch Eddys assignments before they could fall expertly and stopping next to him on the sidewalk. "I thought they were supposed to be here on Wednesday."

"They were indeed Ed." Edd heard himself answer mechanically as his throats closed up. "I wonder why they've arrived nearly a week early." Edd knew why, he could almost recite word per word what would come from his parents mouths as soon as he arrived in his home. His feet couldn't move, however, his knees beginning to shake as his head began to throb with a gentle migraine.

"Fuck it, we won't go in, we'll just go straight to my house." Ed pulled Eddys books swiftly from Edds limp hands without him feeling it and began to turn back, his eyes furrowed in concern. "Let's just not do this today man-"

"No Ed," Edd heard his voice from a million miles away, water filling his ears as the same passive fear creeped into his head. "Perhaps they've simply returned early. There's no need to think the worst."

Nonononononononononononononono-

His feet were moving out of his own violation now, creeping forward in shaky steps up his sidewalk, doing his best do ignore Eds nervous and indignant sputtering as he reluctantly followed behind him.

His front door was unlocked, never a good sign, but Edd furtively ignored this as he pushed it open, his hand against the wood disconnected from him as he watched the pale and slender appendage drop heavily to his side as he stepped forward into his brightly lit living room.

To find his parents still puttering around in the living room, their suitcases still around them, not even open. His father was pacing in front of the tv, his cellphone staple gunned to his head and his other hand waved about in pointless gestures as he spoke vehemently.

"And I told you I need those fucking tickets Hank like that the hell how do you expect us to be there if you don't set up the damn connecting flights-"

Edd was frozen, his inner organs slowly melting and seeping out of him onto the floor as he watched the scene before him, the white noise burrowing into his ears and his pulse withered and died in his throat.

Cara seemed to notice the change of light as she looked up from her laptop that she had been typing away on, her expression flat and aloof. "Eddward. And Ed. How were your studies today." Her bright blue eyes had already drifted back to her screen, her fingers never ceasing their endless typing.

"Mother." The word crawled out of Edds throat without his consent, dragging itself past his voice box like sandpaper. "What-what on earth-"

"Hank hold on-God dammit Cara do you not know what the phrase I'm on the phone means? Edward shut the door, you know I don't like the light fading the furniture." The phrase came out of his fathers mouth in one breath, casually tossed over his shoulder after he berated his mother before he turned his back to them, his phone once again his priority.

Edd felt his feet move forward as Ed shoved him forward into the house completely, his hipbone connecting with the table as he stumbled in, his extremities already numb and his vision fading around the edges.

"Hi Mrs. Vincent, what's going on?" Eds voice fell hard like brittle nails against the pristinely polished floor, heavy disdain clear in his biting tone.

If he sounded hostile, Cara never mentioned. Simply waved her hand in his fathers general direction before speaking airily. "Oh just some nonsense with Hank-"

"Finally Hank! You're fucking useless. We'll be there in twenty." His fathers abrupt entrance into the living room cut her off as he hung up his phone and threw his discarded scarf back over his shoulders. "Cara let's go."

His fathers words and his mothers quick spring to her feet as she briskly shut her laptop and slipped it into her bag brought Edd back from the edge of where he had nearly tumbled off, his eyes blinking wide as his mouth opened, the only word he could think of spilling out of it before he could process it. "Th-thanksgiving-"

"Yes Eddward it's on Thursday. We'll be in Chicago on Thursday." His mother commented offhandedly as his father jostled past him before pulling open the front door and leaving without so much as a glance back at his son. She followed after him, tugging her suitcase after her and nodding vaguely in the direction of the kitchen. "I left your chores on the sticky notes in the kitchen. Goodby Ed, it was nice seeing you, also Eddward take off that hat in the house, you know I don't like it." And with that, she left, pulling the door shut, leaving Edd swaying where he stood and Ed huffing indignantly.

All at once, as he stared at the pristine White of the front door the anger began to rush into Edd, the blood flowing from his limbs to his head as his knees nearly gave way and his temples began to throb. The rage and hatred flooding his mind were the only thing he could focus on before they were engulfed in such a heavy sadness he nearly blacked out, leaving just the rush of blood in his ears and the need to destroy in his fingertips.

He needed to get out.

Completely ignoring Eds sputtered cry as he shoved past him, Edd forced his feet to move, nearly tripling as he ran through his deserted living room and up the stairs, his mind only on the small box beneath the sink, and the deafening fog consuming him.

Kevin's shoulders were cold. His face and arms were okay, the biting November wind bouncing off his jacket as he sped down the block towards the cul de sac. His hands stung slightly too. He missed summer already. Who cares if it made playing football hell on earth, cold was literally the worst.

But still, he wasn't about to let the annoying weather ruin his good mood. School was finally done, he had some fucking freedom for two entire weeks, and tonight was movie night, and they had decided that they would all just spend the night in Eds basement. And Kevin was nearly bursting with excitement with the prospect of spending so much free time with Edd.

A smile broke Kevin's stoic face as he thought of Edd. He had been doing fantastically with Edd, if he said so himself. He had never been so happy in his life, knowing that he could talk to him freely every single day at lunch, and then see him for a few hours after school without the shadow of his father breathing down his neck. Even though he spent most of his time after school nearly in tears over his oppressive homework, it was almost worth it to look over the edge of his textbook to see those shiny and wide blue eyes peering inquisitively at him, his white and even teeth worrying the lower lip that had been haunting Kevin for months.

And though Naz had spent the last three months hovering over his shoulder asking "Have you told him yet? Kissed him yet? Held his hand? Anything?!" He was still doing fantastically for how bad he usually is with this sort of thing.

He took the turn into the neighborhood too sharp, nearly tumbling over and pulling to a stop as a shiny black Mercedes sped around the curve past him, not even stopping as they peeled out. Kevin instantly recognized it as Edds parents car and his eye brows wrinkled in confusion, a pang of fear echoing through him as he remembered that they weren't supposed to be there for almost another week.

Thinking that this couldn't mean anything good, Kevin quickly kicked off the ground, speeding towards Edds house and completely forgoing stopping by his own. He slowed down as he carefully pulled up to the empty driveway, forcing himself to regain some semblance of calm and easing the kickstand down before shakily climbing off the bike and putting real effort into not running to the door.

Kevin never really panicked, he liked to think of himself as pretty rational most times, but he couldn't manage to swallow the lump in his throat as he walked up the perfectly manicured lawn to find the front door slightly ajar, and could see Edds little backpack on the floor as though dropped, Ed's torn up bag next to it.

"Double D unlock the fucking door! Seriously man don't do this!"

Eds strained shout hit Kevin's ears like a freight train and, manners be damned he shoved the door open and burst into the house, nearly tripping over the discarded backpacks as he followed Eds voice up the stairs, his feet pounding on the polished wood floors. A loud banging of a fist on wood echoed down the staircase and hit Kevin's ears like drums on time with his feet as he ran as fast as he could manage.

He tore around the corner at the top of the stairs to see Ed fighting with the door of Edds upstairs bathroom, banging and pulling the knob in vain as the locked door refused to budge.

"Edd please! Open the door! You've been doing
so good don't do this it isn't worth it!" Ed was nearly in tears as his movements grew frantic.

"Ed what the fuck is going on!" Kevin's throats was nearly swollen shut with panic at the distress in Eds voice.

"Edds parents were here man fuck!" Ed abandoned the door for a second to pull out his phone, sending a text at lightning speed before nearly throwing it down the hallway as he began his assault again.

"And?! What the hell does that mean?" Dread was building in Kevin by the second, heavy and thick as he realized that Edd hadn't told him everything about his parents, if this was the aftermath of them being here.

"His parents are fucks man, like they don't care about him but he takes it really bad and son of a bitch why didn't I make him go to my place!" Eds eyes were overly shiny as his hands ran through his hair in frustration. "Double D please! Unlock the door!"

A heady rush of hatred and anger flowed through Kevin as he processed the information, the lack of parental presence around the house and Edds nearly crippling social skills finally sliding into place and he nearly screamed. How the fuck could someone know Edd and treat him so callously, how could anyone take one look at him and not adore him? A need to see the boy pushed Kevin forward and took up vigil next to Ed, banging his own fist on the door. "Dee! Hey kid come on! You're freaking me out-ugh!"

Air left Kevin in a hard rush as Ed bodily shoved him out of the way, trying and failing again to force the knob out of its socket.

"What the fuck man! I'm trying to help!" Kevin growled reproachfully before the air was shoved out of him once again as something collided with his side and sent him back into the wall.

"What the hell!" The curse flew out of him as he saw that it was Eddy that had nearly upended him, the shorter boy instantly pushing Ed out of the way and kneeling by the knob as the older boy whimpered, his eyes overly shiny and wet.

"What is going on?" Kevin asked agin, panic and dread still swirling around him as the confusion as Ed and Eddys panicked reaction scaring him more by the second.

"How long has he been in there?" Eddy asked, flatly and all business, a Bobby pin and a credit card in his hands as he went to work on the lock, completely ignoring Kevin's frantic question.

"Like five minutes, he hasn't answered me or anything like that, the shower went on as soon as the door locked." Eds chin wobbled and his fingers twisted as Eddy bit his lip and doubled his efforts on the knob.

"Seriously! What is going on! Why is Edd locked in the shower and why are you two so freaked seriously guys this is scaring the crap out of me!" Kevin heard his own voice crack as his composure slipped, he needed to see Edd, and figure out what on earth was scaring his friends so badly.

"He cuts himself!" Ed wailed finally, tears finally breaking free as he clutched at his red hair. "And he last time his parents did something like this he cut too deep and he needed stitches and he's been doing really good lately but now he's done this again and he can't-"

"I got it!" Eddy stood quickly, cutting Ed off and letting the pin and card fall to his feet. He shoved the door open and rushed in, Ed hot on his heels.

Kevin's heart was still slowly sinking as he watched with almost delayed sounds and distorted vision as they rushed in, leaving him standing stock still, feeling like the world had stopped spinning completely, and everything was rushing past his head at a million miles an hour. What the fuck.

A distressed cry that he was sure came from Ed reached Kevin at the same time as the copious steam hit his flushed face. It seemed to wake him up and he felt his feet carry him to the door and seemed to lose their heart there, leaving him watching the scene in the bathroom.

Eddy was turning off the water, flinching back at the temperature which seemed to be about a thousand degrees as Ed was kneeling by the tub, shoulders shaking and calling out Edds name as he held his face in his hands. Kevin took a tentative step forward as Eddy finally got the water off and dove for the medicine cabinet, letting Kevin finally see into the shower.

Kevin couldn't help it then, his composure shattered and something inside him broke, he thinks it might be his heart, and he's never felt as lost or helpless or desperate in his life and he could feel his fucking soul tearing out of his throat before he was even aware he opened his mouth.

"Edd-"

His voice choked off before he could get anything else out. Edd, his beautiful, sweet gentle Edd was sitting completely still in the middle of the tub, clad in old a pair of soaking black boxers as his hair dripped in soaking curls around his shoulders and his skin an angry pink from the heat of the water. His blue eyes were wide open, glassy and empty, staring straight through Ed as he held his place and tear streaked face. Kevin couldn't even hear what Ed was saying.

Thick, raised and angry red scars ran in perfect parallel lines up and down Edds skeletal body, thin, white lines decorated the skin up his forearms and across his chest and zig zagging away across his flat stomach. With the water no longer on them, Kevin watched in abject horror as he realized that the bright red ones weren't scars, but fresh lacerations that began to bleed anew, blood running down the angry red skin of his thighs. He had to grasp onto the door way as Ed released Edds unmoving face, wrestling with his left hand and forcibly removing a razor blade that had been clutched in Edds beautiful fingers that were now sliced to ribbons. Both his lips wrists were shredded, blood falling and staining the knees of Eds jeans as he grasped the smaller boys face again.

Kevin didn't feel so much as heard Eddy shoving past him, spreading a towel across the floor and dropping an armload of gauze and tape by Kevin's feet.

"Help me out Lumpy." Eddys voice is still flat and mechanical as opposed to Eds barely contained sobs, the tremor of fear barely lacing the shorter boys words and Kevin errantly marveled at Eddys unnatural ability to keep calm. He didn't move to help them as Ed reached bodily into the tub, lifting the smaller boy clean out of the shower and onto the towel. Kevin dropped to his knees besides the silent boy, watching as Eddy instantly seized his left wrist and began to shove gauze into the leaking cuts, his face finally wavering as Ed tried unsuccessfully to get a word out of him.

"Edd man, are you okay? Holy shit what the hell did you to yourself-" Ed was babbling now, his hands wringing useless as Eddy continued his silent work and the lump in Kevin's throat finally broke as he realized with an ugly shock that this was something they'd done before.

Kevin's hands moved of his own accord, reaching up and tangling into the wet curls that he adored and turning Edds head slightly to stare into his eyes. "Dee, please, say something."

Something about the desperate way Kevin's tongue tripped over the words seemed to do it, and Edds eyes seemed to swim into focus. Finally they met Kevin's own, and he could hear Eds babbling come to a halt.

"Double D?" Kevin tried again, letting his thumbs caress the body cheekbones beneath his hands.

Edds eyes stared into his own for a split second before widening almost comically, his breathing speeding up and the wrist trapped in Eddys hands trembling violently.

"K-kev-Kevin." Gapped teeth sank down into a plush lower lip so hard it hurt Kevin to watch. He tightened his hands as Edd began to shake his head, closing his eyes and nearly hyperventilating. "No no no no Kevin no please no-"

Each no sent another spike of pain through Kevin as they rose in volume and intensity, his fingers losing grip on the angular face as Edd continued to cry out, nearly dislodging Eddys hands before he stilled, blue eyes meeting Kevin's one more time before they rolled back in their sockets and he grew limp in Kevin's hands, unconscious.

Kevin's hands and arms cradled his body on the way down, completely oblivious as it left red smears on his jeans and sweater.

He couldn't breathe properly, and he watched his own tears splash down onto the black hair spread out over his lap. He watched mechanically as Eddy and Ed finished bandaging every last laceration before Ed disappeared into what Kevin assumed was Edds room with a fresh pair of pajamas and dressed him.

"Let's get him out of the bathroom, it's not like we have to worry about his parents or anything." Eddy sighed, standing and washing his hands. "What was it this time Ed?"

Ed looked exhausted, and he swiped his sleeve across his nose before speaking. "We got here when his parents were about to leave, you know his moms a real bitch and his dad was on the phone again, they didn't even apologize for skipping Thanksgiving." Eds eyes darkened again as he stood as well, absently wiping his hands on his jeans. "Like, they acknowledged they weren't gonna be here but they were such dicks about it."

"Are his parents always like that?" The question surprised Kevin as he heard his own voice speak it, the feeling slowly returning to his legs.

"Yup." Eddy answered with distaste. "They don't give a shit about him, and they make sure he knows it. All they do is leave those fucking sticky notes everywhere telling him to clean the house there never in so they can keep him busy. " Eddys eyes grew soft as he looked down at his unconscious friend. "I wish he'd just let it be, he always takes it so hard. We always try to keep him away whenever they get home but he always insists. He just keeps running back."

Kevin swallowed, his hands tightening on the boy in his lap as the anger threatened to resurface. He wanted to scream. He couldn't imagine Edd, so lost and so lonely and so desperate for someone to live him that he willingly returned over and over to parents who could care less if he lived or died. A wave of nausea and fierce protectiveness settled over Kevin as he rearranged Edd in his arms, gathering the small boy before standing easily and carrying him out of the bathroom. "Let's get him to the couch so he's somewhere soft when he wakes up."

Kevin led the way to the den, Ed and Eddy on his trail and ever watchful as he lowered himself on the couch, sitting and and gently as possible cradling Edd in his arms, letting the wet curls lean on his chest.

"How do you know where his den is." There was no heat behind Eddys question, just a tired curiosity and kevin couldn't see the harm in answering at this point.

"I've been coming here everyday for months. He's been tutoring me." Kevin left it at that, keeping the soft smiles and inside jokes and gentle touches to himself and reflexively tightening his hold on the boy in his arms.

Eddy didn't answer, simply curling up on the other couch and turning on the tv. Ed lowers himself to the floor by Kevin's feet.

"What now?" Kevin asked, slightly jarred by the calm demeanor that had settled over the other two.

"We wait for him to wake up." Ed said simply. "He won't go to the hospital, and if we're too worked up when he wakes up he'll lose it again."

"It's best to just act normal." Eddy added, his eyes slightly narrowing at the close proximity of which Kevin was holding his friend. If he had anything to say tho, he didn't.

An old movie played on a low volume as Kevin watched Edds sleeping face, tear streaked and calm in sleep, his mouth slightly open and his gapped teeth that Kevin loved so much showing with each gentle breath. He watched the rise and fall of the thin chest and felt his heart ache with each one. His world seemed to narrow to a pinpoint, the only thing that mattered was Edds rhythmic breathing.

Kevin held him tighter, settling a palm in the bony sternum and letting the slow heartbeat relax his frazzled nerves, the love he had for the boy growing with each beat.