Ah, a ficlet about nothing and with very little substance, but I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter.

Coffee Breath

She'll make me shiver without warning
And make me laugh as if I'm in on the joke
— Ed Sheeran —

Lily is on her fourth (and counting) cup of coffee when the empty seat next to her suddenly isn't empty anymore.

"Hullo, Evans," James greets her with that grin he saves just for her. "You're looking particularly jittery this morning."

"Hm." Lily inspects the fingers that are clutching her mug and, indeed, they are shaking. "You're telling me. I've had enough coffee to take down a moose, and I'm still not properly awake."

"Evans, please, a moose is at least twice as big as you."

"Ah, Potter, don't go sweeping me off my feet like that," Lily sighs into her mug. "I might not be able to restrain myself from ravishing you right here in the middle of breakfast."

James spreads his arms wide in invitation, knocking over a goblet of pumpkin juice in his earnestness. "Ravish away."

Lily smirks and Vanishes the mess he made. "I got about two hours of sleep to your eight, and you're still clumsier than I am."

"I'm not clumsy," James says, affronted. "My reflexes are brilliant, and you know it. Besides, you know just as well as I do that I can never get a full night's sleep after having a row with you. You get me all worked up."

"Oh, please."

"Honestly, Evans. Arguing with you does things to me."

"I'm about to do something to you, all right..." Lily taps her wand on the tabletop for emphasis. "And we weren't arguing. You messed up the patrol schedule, I called you a useless dolt, and then I stayed up the rest of the night to fix it while you snored away on the common room couch next to me like the stately prince that you are."

"To be fair, I did offer to help."

Lily snorts, amused. "You offered to snog me."

"Right," James says, as if he fails to see the problem. "That would've been helpful for everyone."

"Perhaps another time, when I haven't got a bungled patrol schedule to deal with," she says, and pours herself another coffee.

"That's your fifth one," James observes aloud without thinking. He'd been watching her for several minutes before he joined her, but Lily doesn't know that — or, well, she hadn't known it before he saw fit to open his trap about it.

Lily lifts an eyebrow. It's only a slight distraction from the somersault her stomach just did, but it would have to do if she wanted to prevent herself from jumping him then and there. Surely that would go against all Head Girl decorum. "Spying on me, are you?"

Grateful that she isn't taking the mickey as bad as he'd feared, James matches her raised eyebrow with his own. "Trying to set some sort of record, are you? Or are you just trying to energize yourself for when we snog?"

"No, I don't imagine I'll need much energy. As soon as my lips are on yours, I'm sure you'll faint from the shock of it."

"That good, Evans?" he asks, although he doesn't doubt it for a second.

"Well, Potter, let's be honest." Lily turns to look at him properly. Her knee bumps his and stays there. "I could be rubbish and you'd still pass out from the sheer magnitude of having your wildest dreams realized."

James laughs, but he's quite sure that she's right. "And where would that leave you? Back to slobbering all over your coffee mug, I s'pose."

"No," Lily counters smoothly, "I would wait for you to come to so we could snog some more."

"Wait —" James blinks rapidly and a bit excessively. Her knee is still touching his and, Merlin, that's not helping his resolve. He's sure he'll lose his head completely any moment now and lunge at her, proper sensibilities be damned. "Are you suggesting something?"

"Purely hypothetical."

James slams his palm against the table and Lily laughs. "Do you think this is a game, woman?"

"Yes, and my particular favorite, to boot," Lily declares with a significant air of pride. "I call it 'How to Get James Potter's Knickers In a Twist.'"

"Godawful."

"Oi." Lily pinches his arm. "Applaud my cleverness!"

James pretends to clap his hands, but doesn't let them make contact so as to really milk his own sarcasm. "Top joke, Evans. Bully for you."

"Hmph." In an effort to be as obnoxious as possible, Lily slurps her coffee. "Git. See if I snog you now."

"Oh, you weren't going to snog me, anyway."

"I might've."

"Five cups of coffee, Evans," James reminds her, and taps the rim of her mug whilst she drinks from it. "Who says I'd want to snog you when your mouth tastes like unsweetened dark roast?"

"Your intimate knowledge of how I take my coffee is slight indication," Lily points out, but sets her unfinished cup down, anyway. She purposefully shifts in her seat so that her knee knocks into his again. "But surely a little coffee breath wouldn't be enough to deter your tireless efforts to get your tongue down my throat?"

"Ah, well, when you put it like that…" James grins and manages to look sheepish about it, although he certainly hasn't had his wits about him since the first time Lily's knee brushed his. "I reckon not even a fully caffeinated moose could keep me from snogging you if I had the chance.'

Lily pokes his side affectionately. "Lucky for you, Hogwarts' moose population is woefully lacking."

James pinches her hip in retaliation and revels in it. "That sounds like another suggestion."

"Weeeell…" Lily makes a show of checking her watch. "We've got about twenty minutes 'til lessons start, and seeing as how I've grown rather fond of you, I wouldn't mind showing you this abandoned classroom on the third floor that I happen to know about. So…"

She rises from her seat, her eyes tired but smiling. She raps her knuckles on the wooden surface in front of him, says, "Offer's on the table, Potter," and begins her leisurely stroll out of the Great Hall.

Feeling as though he'd been Confunded, James stares after her for about five seconds. Did she just — he begins to think, but then she tosses him a cheeky wink over her shoulder and he thinks that, yes, she bloody well did just.

He's out of his seat like a bullet and jogs to catch up to her. Lily laughs when he falls into step beside her, and James grins as he takes her laughter full in the face.

Truly, James thinks, nothing is quite so sweet as Lily Evans' atrocious coffee breath.