Her heart felt like it was being ripped into millions of pieces.

Of course she already knew.

She had felt it in her bones.

But to hear him say it.

To actually hear her husband, the love of her life, tell her that he slept with another woman, made her absolutely sick to her stomach.

She sat in bed, staring up at him with tears streaming down her cheeks but she didn't say a word. Nor make a sound.

"Cristina?" Owen's voice was soft. "Say something, please." He begged.

She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.

She looked down at her hands.

Her tears were making her vision blurry but it still felt like she was having an out-of-body experience. Like she was just looking in on someone else's life and all of this wasn't real.

She looked up at him again.

Suddenly, she was numb.

Her tears had stopped and her hands were no longer shaking.

She hated it.

This always happened. Since her father's death, she had trained her mind and body to switch off to anything that might hurt her again.

It was almost automatic now.

But this she wanted to feel.

She needed to know it was real.

All of a sudden, she threw back the covers and hurried towards the bathroom.

"Cristina?" Owen called after her.

There wasn't any answer.

A look of confusion passed over Owen's face when her heard the sound of running water.

He walked stepped inside the bathroom and walked over to their bathtub that doubled as a shower. He pulled back the shower curtain and found her, still fully clothed, standing under the shower faucet, allowing the water to wash over her. Her eyes were closed and her face was expressionless.

"Why?" Her voice sounded foreign to her own ears.

There was no need for her to elaborate. "Honestly? I dont know."

Her eyes were still closed. "Did you do it because of the abortion?"

He didn't answer.

"I asked you a question, Owen." She raised her voice.

"I don't know." He paused. "Maybe."

She gave an eery laugh.

She lifted her head so that the water could run over her face.

She needed to feel.

She started to shiver and Owen noticed.

He stuck his hand under the water and realized that it was ice cold.

"Do you want to get out now?"

"No."

He accepted her answer and sat down on the toilet seat, watching her.

He watched as the water ran down her face and mixed with her tears.

Tears that he'd caused.

He had hurt her, he knew that.

But he was hurt, too.

At first, it wasn't that bad. They both had occupied their minds with sex, as they always do when their personal lives are a mess.

So, he didn't think about it as often and when he did, he just found Cristina and they'd sneak off to do what they do best.

But when they stopped because of his responsibilities as a chief, he was only left with his thoughts. And they started to consume him. It was all he ever thought about; how she hurt him, how she took away the one thing he wanted most.

These thoughts made him withdraw from her. He was ashamed of them. He loved her. Sometimes, he wondered if he loved her too much.

So, when that woman with the blonde hair, whose name he had chosen to forget,offered herself to him, he had taken her to bed, in drunken hopes that he would regain intimacy with a woman. The intimacy that was now absent in his marriage and that he so dearly missed. His inebriated mind forgot to remind him that he only craved it with Cristina. He also needed to get his mind off of her; what she did.

What he did was worse though.

Yes, she deprived him of a child that was his own. But he broke their vows. He intimately touched a woman with the hands that were only meant for his wife. He kissed another woman with the mouth that was only meant for her.

She'll probably never trust him again.

Hell, he wouldn't if he were her.

He felt dirty. He felt as if he was the one who was supposed to be in that shower and not her.

That thought brought him back to her.

She was crouched in the tub. She was now soaking wet. Her clothing clung to her body.

"Are you ready to get out?" His voice was soft.

She didn't answer so he stood up and walked over to her, took his chances and turned the water off.

Seeing that she didn't react , he helped her up and removed her sweater and pajama pants and she complied by lifting her arms and legs.

He wrapped her up in a towel.

"Do you want to walk?"

Her voice was a whisper. "I can't."

He put his arms beaneath her legs and lifted her. He carried her into the bedroom and placed her on the bed.

He got out dry clothes and dressed her.

His mind went back to when she did this for him. Their first date that went terribly wrong. He doesn't remember much from that night but he does remember how cold the water was and he remembers her in the shower with him. He remembers her comforting him before undressing him and laying him on her bed.

And even after the whole drunken scene he pulled, she still gave him another chance. He wondered if she had any second chances left. He feared she didn't.

He finnished dressing her and pulled a chair up in front of her for him to sit on.

"Do you want to talk?"

She looked up at him. Her eyes held no emotion. She didnt want to speak to him. Not right not. She wanted to be as far away as possible from wherever he is.

"I have to go." She said.

"What?"

"I have to get out of here." She paused. "I have to get away from this place." She gestured at the room. "Away from you." Her eyes landed on him again.

She stood up.

"Where are you going to go?"

She grabbed a bag and started throwing in random items.

"Cristina , where are you going to go?"

She pulled on her boots and threw on her leather jacket.

"I dont know." She brushed past him and grabbed her phone and car keys on the kitchen counter.

"I have the right to know where you're going, Cristina!" Owen's voice was filled with frustration.

Cristina's eyes met his and the look she gave him made his hair raise.

But her voice was low and soft. "You lost that right when you fucked another woman."

And with that , she was gone.

\

Her phoned buzzed for the hundreth time that morning.

There were phone calls, text messages, voicemails. And it seemed as if Meredith and Owen were taking turns trying to get hold of her.

She flipped onto her back and stared at the ceiling.

The gurney she was lying on was surprisingly comfortable. More comfortable than they used to be.

She missed the tunnels.

She missed the beginning of her internship.

She missed George and Izzie.

She missed her life before everything got crazy.

But her life did get crazy.

Izzie got all cancery and George got run over by a bus. Mer nearly drowned and she got left at the alter.

Sure , things got better when she found Owen and Mer married McDreamy.

But good things never last.

Now, she was probably going to be husbandless all over again because she didn't want to have kids and her husband was so hurt he couldnt keep it in his pants.

Her phone buzzed again.

She groaned and reached for it on the ground.

It was Meredith again and she decided it was time to stop hiding.

"Hello?"

"Cristina! Oh my god, where have you been? I've called and texted you like a million times! Owen's here and we're worried! Where are you?"

"Owen's there?"

"Yeah, he is." She paused. "Would you tell me where you are?"

She wondered if Owen had told Meredith what had happened. He probably didn't but she had to ask. "Did he tell you why i ran? Why i'm missing?"

"No. I asked a few times but he wouldn't say." Meredith sounded annoyed.

"Okay , I'm going to tell you where I am but I want you to come alone. Don't bring Owen."

Meredith didn't question it. "Okay."

"I'm in the tunnels."

"I'll be right there."

Meredith hung up.

As much as Cristina needed the quiet night, she needed her person more right now.

\

Cristina heard Meredith's footsteps walking towards her and she sat up.

"Okay. I'm here." She dropped her bag on the gurney. "Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on, now?" Meredith looked at the bag filled with clothes next to Cristina. "Did you spend the night here?" Meredith was still out of breath.

Cristina nodded.

"Did you get any sleep?"

Cristina shook her head.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

Cristina shrugged.

"Well, you better decide soon because we have to be up there in like two hours." Meredith sat down next to Cristina.

"You really scared Owen. He was banging on my door at like five Am, asking where you were and when I said you weren't there, I thought the man was going to lose it."

Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Seriously, Owen-"

"Can we not talk about Owen, please?" Cristina cut her off.

"Okay."

"Just sit here with me until we have to start our shift, okay?"

Meredith eyed her but nodded anyway. "Okay."

They sat back against the wall.

After a few minutes, the sun began to shine in through the windows and into their little hide-out.

"I need to take a shower. I stink." Cristina said with disgust.

"Yeah. I wasn't going to say anything."

"Bitch."

Meredith laughed.

"Do i really have to see him today?"

"You can go hide-out at my place? But that would mean missing work."

Cristina sighed. She turned towards Meredith. "I will tell you everything eventually but right now , I just have to deal with it on my own, okay?"

"Okay." Meredith said softly.

She reached for Cristina's hand and squeezed it.

Cristina laid her head on Meredith's shoulder, convincing herself that crying right now wouldn't do her much good.

And they stayed that way until Cristina willed herself to start the first shift she had dreaded since her intern year.