Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are.

Heavy In Your Arms:

Chapter 1:

I threw the pillow over my head with a huge groan as my head felt it was splitting into two. The throbbing of my skull only enraged me even more as I threw the covers off me and padded through the house in annoyance. I ruffled my long hair as I massaged my skull. I could feel my eyes reacting to the lighting in the living room as I looked around the house for the source of my torment.

I winced as the noise got even louder before it stopped. I could see the smile on his face as he saw me, it was a smile many women swooned for and at some point so had I. His ripped shirtless torso was covered in sawdust and I gave him a scowl to let him know I wasn't happy. He recoiled like a dog being kicked and raised his hands up in defense. Before he could say anything I interjected.

"You know the rules, why is there a saw in your hand and ON so fucking early in the morning!?" I demanded as I massaged my throbbing skull once more.

"It's a hand saw, it belongs in my hand." He explained like the smartass he was.

"Ryan I swear we gave you rules and a fucking workshop for a reason." I scoffed as he handed me his coffee and I took a sip gratefully.

"I'm fixing the bathroom door, can't really take it down to the workshop. Kenzie was stuck for an hour last night before I heard her whimpering in distress." He mentioned with a chuckle.

I groaned again and grumbled in disdain.

"What's got you so moody this morning sourpuss?" he asked with a pout as he wrapped his arms around me and I burrowed my head into his chest.

"I didn't sleep for shit..." I admitted closing my eyes tightly letting out a huge sigh.

"Tell me about it." He laughed. "Kenzie made me sleep in her room just cause she was so traumatized over the door. I couldn't get a blink of the stuff."

"It's New Year's eve…" I said absentmindedly and his expression changed as he tightened his hold on me.

"Hey, I can cancel you know." He offered softly and I shook my head rapidly.

"Kenzie's got me, it's all good." I winked at him trying to put him at ease. "I think I just need some bacon."

I pulled away and tugged my robe tighter against my body. I saw Ryan put his saw down and grabbing his phone as I sat with his coffee on the couch sipping on it and staring at the flickering lights of the Christmas tree. I could hear him mumbling a take-out order as I thought about the workload I had ahead the upcoming week. The holidays had pushed me back a bit and I didn't want to lose any ground. I thought I might as well get a head start and turned on the T.V. happily finding it already on the sports channel. I grabbed my notepad from the small end table along with my glasses and listened to the recent reports.

After a while and an empty coffee cup later the channel switched to a pre-recorded highlight reel show. I sighed and closed my notebook ready to hit the laptop or the newspaper to review stats and standings. It startled me a bit when Ryan came back into the room.

"Already hard at work? It's your day off hun…" he let it hang in there knowing I hated when either of them hassled me about work.

"I'm just getting a head start, it's a dog eat dog kind-of world out there." I reminded him my mantra.

"I know, I know… if you don't get a head start someone else will." He mocked me and I shoved him as I pushed past him to get changed and get ready for my day.

"Breakfast will be here soon and Kenzie is coming to eat lunch with us on her break." He reminded and I waved at him knowingly without turning around.

Deep down inside I knew that Ryan was right. I shouldn't be so work driven all the time but it was the only thing that consumed me completely, leaving my mind no time to stray to anything else. I liked being occupied, it kept me centered and steady. Contrary to my troubled upbringing which had most people pegging me as lazy, I was a very hard worker and Ryan as well as Kenzie would argue I was a workaholic. I decided to ignore the fact every time it would come up. I had already a plethora of addictions to deal with without adding this one to the list. Although I had to admit, out of all my words ending in –holic, workaholic was probably the most constructive one.

I settled on a pair of dark jeans that hugged my every curve and a deep v neck black lace tanktop that I absolutely adored. I left my feet bare loving the feeling of the hardwood floor beneath it, it had been my one request when we were house shopping. I recalled how Kenzie and I had purchased this house with not much left. It had been foreclosed and it looked like a crack shack to say the least. It brought back really bad memories to me in the beginning but it was all that we could afford.

Things changed for the better when I met Ryan. We needed the extra income and he needed a place to crash. He had money, tons of it, but he just liked to live very frugally. He was a recovering compulsive shopper so his recovery included living on low income. Kenzie and I had never lived with anybody else since we had teamed up in University so it took some time to warm up to the guy. As time went by he kept fixing things and renovating spaces and before we knew it we had a home that no longer terrified me.

I heard the doorbell go snapping me out of my thoughts. I was excited for breakfast for lunch, it was something we tried to do on Sundays since I had the day off. I came out of my room and saw that Kenzie and Ryan were unpacking the breakfast order that had just been delivered. My bestie lit up as she saw me, her blue eyes flashing with excitement.

"You won't believe who I met today!" she sang as I sat on the counter munching on a home fry.

"Please enlighten me Kenz" I indulged her as Ryan whistled a tune as he loaded his plate.

I chuckled as I saw he had politely thrown a tank top over his chest before joining us at the table. I loved him for the little considerate things he did for Kenzie and I all the time. Ryan was literally my guardian angel and I knew I owed him so damn much.

"Soooooo" Kenz mumbled between bites of bacon turning my attention back to her. "Erin Andrews was at my firm getting the specs for her new year's fitting with one of our clients."

My jaw dropped as my eyes grew wide in disbelief. By the small smirk adorning the young goth's face and expressive eyes, I could tell I was giving her the reaction that she wanted.

"THE Erin Andrews?" I was freaking out now.

"Yup, I have not only her digits, but I'm sure I JUST scored you a private sit down with her and her agent." She rushed and I almost choked on my food.

"WHAT!?" I couldn't believe it. "This could be-"

"HUGE! HUMONGOUS!" Kenzie exclaimed obviously pleased with herself.

"Who is this Erin chick?" Ryan asked mouth half full as I looked at him as if he grew a second head.

"ONLY one of the top female sports reporters in the industry!" I raged with enthusiasm in my voice as he chuckled.

"So it's kind of a big deal that you got this then. Congratulations hun, this could shoot you into the career position that you've always worked hard for." He commented appraisingly and I half smiled trying to push my natural self-depreciating reaction down.

For the rest of our meal we made small chat and finished eating and cleaning up together. We did almost everything together, we felt like a small family of misfits but it was my family non-the-less. After a bit Kenzie had to go back to work and Ryan had rushed to the gym before he had his big date tonight. He was hesitant to leave me by myself for so long but I assured him Kenzie would be back soon. We had been pushing him to find a girl recently since he was always bumbling around in the house. Kenzie had even gotten him a whole new set of clothes and I wasn't ruining his chances now.

Kenzie worked at a fashion firm nearby, it was close to my work at a media firm where I was still trying to break out. She was the best fashionista I knew, and much like my closet had her suggestions in it, she used Ryan as her personal Ken doll. They would bicker and argue about colours here and there but at the end of the day he indulged her because he had a huge soft-spot for the girl.

After checking the afternoon set of highlights on the huge T.V. I made my way to my small office in the basement. Ryan had divided our humongous basement into workspaces for the three of us. Kenzie had an ample space with mannequins and textures hanging from anywhere and everywhere in her space. Ryan on the other hand had a full-blown workshop down here with power tools and blue prints along with materials and a few computers. Ryan was a contractor and an inventor so he relished his space deeply. I had an open space with a small couch across from the mahogany desk I loved so much. I had a board with various annotations and pictures along with plane tickets and game tickets I had been able to afford.

I opened the laptop and started shuffling through appointments and schedules of meetings and games. Kenzie had assured me that she would send me an email with the specs to my opportunity with the journalist I so admired. I still couldn't believe it, but I was grateful. This career was demanding and hectic and even if you were amazing at what you did so much of your career hung on chance and the right meetings, the right opportunities at the right times. Like Ryan had said this could be huge. Yet I couldn't allow myself to hope. When I did and things didn't go the right way I tended to have problems coping.

After I studied my annotations about the upcoming soccer game I was covering I made sure I had every resource I needed for that coverage. For now I was only being digitally printed on my firm's sports zine and I desperately wanted to make the jump to either printed media or-my lifelong dream- being in front of the cameras covering the sports news. I had even taken the shittiest assignments to make it to that zine, I was ready to move up.

By the time I was done revising my work and headed upstairs it was dark and late into the afternoon. I noticed my phone on top of the kitchen counter was blinking. I reached for it absentmindedly as I pulled out some juice and looked around. I hated the holidays, it was the worse time of the year for me. My depression usually hit me in droves when it was this quiet in the house and I couldn't wait for Kenzie to get home. The silence was maddening so I flicked the remote turning on a random show to fill the void.

I wrung my hands as I read the text over and over again. Kenzie had texted me about drinks with some friends from work. They had arranged a surprise party for her to celebrate her new promotion. I bit my lip as I shifted my weight between my feet. I hated being alone, and I was fairly certain Kenzie had forgotten that Ryan had a date tonight. They had made a conscious effort since he had moved in to be here every time I was home and not leaving me alone. It was easy for me to drop to dark places in very little time so they tried their best; tonight their effort had fallen through the cracks.

I hadn't wanted to text Kenzie to come back and ruin her evening so I decided to sprawl out and watch TV to occupy my mind. As the evening progressed and I found myself alone for longer I fidgeted uncomfortably as countdowns and New Year's shows started to litter the channels. I could hear the city around buzzing with people ready for the New Year. My mind was literally like a rat in a cage, if left unoccupied. There was no more work to be done and with the shit that was playing on TV my mood had plummeted significantly.

I walked over to the fridge and grabbed a water bottle to clear my thoughts, however my eyes landed on the small clutch Kenzie had forgotten on top of the upstairs desk. The compulsion to look through it was so hard my feet had moved on their own. I stood in front of the clutch hating myself for the astonishing want of searching through the bag. It wasn't that I was a stalker or anything, but I knew that in the business Kenzie was, it would be really easy to score drugs.

I felt the heaviness of guilt slam to my shoulders as my thumbs flicked the latch open. I closed my eyes as I let out a ragged breath and my hands shook. I licked my lips in anticipation. It had been so long, yet here I was about to throw my sobriety away because I couldn't shut off my fucking thoughts. The loneliness had made my mind wonder to the dark places it loved keeping me in. My mind was in over-drive with thoughts of my childhood and the numerous ruined holidays I had endured. It was too much and I needed something, anything that could shut the thoughts away.

As my fingers played with the pink pill my throat grew dry as my eyes zoned into my answer. I wished I was stronger because I knew they would be disappointed and upset at me as much as they wanted to mask it. Even with the knowledge of their frustration I couldn't contain the compulsion. Truth was that every time I fell back into these coping mechanisms I got deeper and deeper into my deranged mind where shutting my thoughts was the only thing that mattered. I raised the pill to my lips with a ragged breath. As I was about to drop the X into my mouth and let the high take me away when a small knock was heard on my door.

My hands trembled as I shook my head knowing none of my roommates would knock on the door. Who else would so close to midnight on New Year's? I let out a shaky breath and a whimper as I shoved the pill in my pocket before carefully closing the clutch and leaving it like I had found it. I would have to wait until whoever it was left me with my thoughts once more. As the doorbell rung with insistence breaking me out of my thoughts I jumped slightly. My heart was hammering I was already on edge, my palms sweaty as a thousand thoughts ran through my head. My feet moved to the door before I swung it open.

I stood perplexed looking around to see if this was some sort of twisted joke. There was a small child on my doorstep. Well, not small, but not a teenager either. I stared waiting for it to speak. I was unfamiliar with children, I didn't have the typical friends someone my age had who had popped at least two of these already. I scrunched up my face as it stared at me. It had to be here with someone right? I mean, it looked way too young to be able to roam around freely with no leash or whatever kids used.

"Uh, can I help you?" I asked confused out of my mind.

"Who are you?" the small voice curiously looking into my eyes.

"Hey missy, you came knocking at my door and you don't even know who I am?" I narrowed my eyes at her.

"I mean, I think I know who you are." She looked shy but determined and I wondered yet again if this was a prank.

I looked at her expectantly and she ran her small hand through her dark hair loosening the bun she had been wearing. The way her hair fell along her shoulders and her brown eyes stared at me made my stomach tighten and my heart beat faster than ever. It couldn't be.

"Are you Bo Denis?" she asked firmly and my throat ran dry.

"Yes." I almost whispered.

"I'm Fleur, your daughter."

The words crashed into me hard and fast and I felt like I couldn't breathe. It was as if I had been pushed into this empty void and I was falling rapidly with nothing to catch my footing. My eyes widened as I looked into her small face and if a new light had been shown against her features I could see myself in her. My shaking hand reached my lips and I shook my head in disbelief.

Her eyes looked at me way older than her small frame and she stayed silent, perhaps knowing I needed the minute. I saw the way she wrung her hands in nervousness and closed my eyes tightly knowing this was happening and it was true, hitting me in the face.

"I… How…?" all that fell from my lips as her smile was turned modest.

"I've looked for you." She mentioned as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Where are your adults? I mean… how?" I repeated and she not-so-shyly now pushed gently past me into the house looking around.

She had a black backpack that seemed to be filled to the brim trotting on her back with each step she took. Her dark hair was well past her shoulders with a soft wave to it like mine. Her face was rounded with that baby fat kids haven't shed off yet but you could tell she'd be a knockout someday. As she turned to me her lips turned into a mischievous smirk and it reminded so much of my own that I grimaced.

"Did you not give birth to a baby girl ten and a half years ago? That's me." She pointed to herself and I was about to faint.

"I… I need a minute." I mumbled as I ducked into Ryan's bathroom in a hurry.

I started hyperventilating at once. My heart was pounding and my hands were sweating as I leaned against the sink. When I looked into the mirror I could almost see her face and it was too overwhelming. I hurriedly opened the lid of the toilet and emptied the contents of my stomach. This couldn't be happening.

"Do you have any juice?" I heard her ask as she rummaged the fridge behind the door. "Nevermind, I found some."

I leaned against the sink letting out a ragged breath and steeled myself to go out and face this. I stood and threw water on my face after cleaning my mouth. My mind was muddled with how she had found me. It had been a closed adoption and I hadn't even been able to look at her before they took her away. I had chosen it that way, it was for the best. I reached for the doorknob determined to take this child home. She looked well dressed and elegant so she must've had a good home. As I dried my palm on my jeans I felt the small bump where the X was nestled. I reached for it in my pocket and wordlessly dropped it in the toiled flushing it before leaving the bathroom.

Hello there friends!

Welcome to a new journey from my noggin. As many of you requested that I share my new project here it is. This is a 2 Fic piece, which means that I'll be posting another piece called Cosmic Love which is 'the other side of the coin' of this story and from Lauren's POV. As you can imagine this is a very ambitious project because it's basically two stories following the same timeline and storyline. The updates might not be as frequent as other fics I've put out since it is two stories but I'll get them out as fast as I can.

Please read and review as always but be gentle. This story is very close to my heart. I need it to be perfect and I will try and treat it as such. It's a fic my wife SuccubusShinobi asked me to write based on the Florence and the Machine songs. It's quite a loaded story, it won't be all rainbows and it's meant to show the power love can have in the darkest of times for anybody that receives it.

Please enjoy.

Cheers eh!