Note: Hello everyone! Bet you didn't expect an update this quick, huh, did ya? ;) Soooo, I decided to update the story before I post the Negan one-shot and the reason is that it ended up containing some spoilers for this chapter. Anyway, the one-shot will (As I've said before!) be called "A Touch of Madness" and it's going to be posted separately. If you follow me on tumblr (author123456) or twitter (SugarPepper666) I'll post links there when I do, so that you don't miss it! :)

Now, back to the story. This chapter is horrible and I mean it. That's why I'm going to be giving you guys a warning here at the start before you read it.

WARNING: This chapter contains scenes of a disturbing nature, violence and psychological abuse. There is a lot of swearing (Negan mostly) and threats made which are SUPPOSED to be disturbing and explicit. I'm sorry and I hope this suffices as a warning.

So, now that we have that out of the way, I hope you enjoy this dark angst-fest. I'm sorry.

Endurance

Chapter 22

It was one of those moments where she could do nothing more than stare. Time seemed to move slower, her breath barely there as she watched the man in front her carefully. Mentally, she was screaming at herself to get out of there, to just get out before something awful happened, but she couldn't move, not even if she tried to.

Instead, she watched Negan lift the bottle of scotch to his lips again, taking another big gulp before he stretched out his hand toward her, offering her the bottle. "Come on, Beth," he said, sounding impatient with her. "Do you want a sip or am I just going to have to drink the whole damn bottle alone?"

Beth couldn't breathe. There was something else in his tone. Something dangerous which she would have never expected to hear and didn't want to acknowledge, even though it made her gut twist.

"Aren't you going to ask?" Negan pressed, raising his eyebrow at her. "Don't you want to know how I fucking know that you've been lying through your teeth since you fucking got back here?"

She started to say something but no words came out. He knew that she had been lying, he knew that she was hiding something and she was certain that she was going to die. Her mind seemed to be blank after that realization and Beth felt her hands starting to shake. What was she supposed to do now?

"How about I fucking tell you anyway, huh?" Negan continued, his tone almost cheerful, eyes widening comically like a child's would do on Christmas, making her feel sick. "Why don't you take a fucking seat, Angel?" he spat at her, his nickname for her coming out more as a growl. "Or better yet, just stand there," he said. "I like looking at you." It was a quiet and bitter mutter and she thought she heard him swear to himself, as if he hadn't wanted to say the words out loud at all.

"Negan," Beth finally found it in herself to say his name. He snapped his head toward her, his eyes dark but somehow he still managed to look as if she had caught him doing something bad. It reminded her or that time, when he had saved her from Evan and then stayed with her as the doctor cleaned up her cuts. That had been the first time that he had leaned in toward her and tried to kiss her, or at least she thought that that might have been what he had been about to do, before she had stopped him. He had told her then that he would never force her to do anything with him that she didn't want to and she had believed him. It had been good for a while and she had even loved him, because how could she not? She had saved his life and he had saved her from a man who had wanted to hurt her and he had protected her.

But then he had changed, the power going to his head and she hadn't know what to do because she could feel him falling deeper and deeper into the darkness. Now, when he looked at her like that, she was reminded once more of the man that he had been once; the man who wouldn't have done anything to hurt her on purpose.

Her thoughts went to the mind games that had been consistent since he had finally snapped and started pushing her, all so that he could try to break her. He had underestimated her strength though, forgetting that he had spent a good year and a half building her up to be cold and ruthless. She didn't even know how she had pulled through, being forced to watch him fuck his wives all so that he in his sick mind could make her see exactly what it was that she was missing, having him put his hands on her back and shoulders just because he knew that she hated when anyone touched her there.

Not everyone.

It was a whisper in her mind, the voice reminding her too much of Daryl and it finally made her move.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about," Beth said, somehow finding it in herself to keep her voice neutral.

"You know very fucking well what the fuck I'm talking about," he countered. That cold tone had returned to him as his eyes flared, "I knew you were fucking slipping out of my grasp. I never would have fucking thought you'd turn your back on me like that though, releasing our prisoners and letting the corpses in."

"I didn't help anyone," Beth hissed. "I was forced-"

"I fucking had Dwight track you!" Negan yelled, throwing the bottle against the wall next to her. Beth flinched when liquid and broken glass connected with her skin. Her fingers twitched and she opened her eyes only to see that he was closer to her now. She breathed hard through her nose, her hands balled into fists, fingernails digging into her palms.

"I said I was forced to-"

"He found your fucking community," Negan said, breaking off any thought she had had of trying to insist that she was telling the truth. "He saw you with them and I fucking knew it before he told me that you knew that fucker with the vest."

She remembered, hearing that whistle and her stomach turned when she realized that it might have been Dwight or another one of the Saviors watching them. They had found the Safe Zone, which meant that they had been watching them and biding their time.

"Please," she finally said, her voice choked as she thought about how some of the Saviors could already be on their way to Alexandria. That was probably why Dwight wasn't there. "Please, Negan, call them back."

Negan looked at her, shaking his head, "I haven't fucking sent anyone there again. Except for me, Dwight is the only one who knows about that community."

"But why?" Beth asked, voice raspy.

"Didn't want to go in guns blazing," Negan said, his eyes narrowing. "I wanted to give you a fucking chance to explain yourself." He watched her expectantly and Beth looked away, but it seemed to have been the wrong move. With three strides, he had her pressed against the wall, holding her chin between his fingers. "Explain yourself," he snapped at her and she forced herself to look into his eyes.

"They're my family," she whispered, swallowing thickly as tears finally pricked her eyes.

"I'm your fucking family," Negan told her. "You were meant to have my fucking back. We were supposed to-"

"Negan, you're hurting me," Beth said, her jaw aching from the tight grip he had on her. He let go of her so abruptly, taking a step back from her. She knew that she would get bruises later, but right now, it didn't matter. "I'm begging you," she told him. "Don't go there. Leave them alone and I'll stay here, I swear. I promise that I'll stay with you."

Negan shook his head, "You've promised me that before, Angel, and yet, you betrayed me."

"I swear it this time, on my life," she said. "I'll," she hesitated for just a second before moving forward, cupping his cheeks. She could feel him half-struggle to move away from her, but like always, he wanted her to touch him so he didn't step back. "I'll be yours," she said. "I'll be with you, Negan. I'll never leave you." Beth didn't know what else to do, so she pulled him down toward her and shut her eyes tightly as she pressed her lips against his. It took him a moment to react, but when he did, his hands cupped both of her cheeks and he kissed her back with a fury that she had never felt before. She wanted to cry. She hated herself because she was doing what she had sworn to herself that she would never do.

As furiously that he had kissed her, as suddenly did he move back and away from her. He pushed her back a bit, making her stumble as he let go of her as if he had been burned. She felt hot tears on her cheeks suddenly and she realized that she had been crying. Forcing herself to look at him, she watched him turn his back to her, pacing in the room.

"Not you," he mumbled. "Never you, Beth."

She jumped when he kicked at a chair, a strangled noise escaped her lips when he grabbed Lucille and turned back to her again. "You giving yourself to me, to save someone else isn't what I want," he told her. "I wanted you to be mine because you wanted it too." He looked at her then, the brief vulnerability disappearing from his eyes as it always did when he had that damned bat in his hands. "What about the man?" he asked her. "The redneck with the wings? I don't even fucking remember his name… Is he your family too?" Beth wasn't sure if she should be truthful, but it was clear that Negan already knew the answer to that by the way that his eyes were burning a hole into her. When she didn't reply, he continued with the questions. "Did you let him touch you?" he questioned, stalking toward her slowly.

Beth didn't speak.

"Did you let him fuck you, Angel?" he sneered and she knew that he knew. "Did he make you come? Erupt like a fucking fountain? Did it feel good?"

She wanted to close her eyes and turn away from him, not being able to stand it anymore. The games, the torture. She wanted away from this place because it might have been a sanctuary for her once but it wasn't anymore.

It was hell.

"Do you know what felt good for me?" Negan asked then, letting his question just hang for a moment. "Fucking my wives every fucking night, trying to keep sane, trying to stop myself from just blowing up those fucking walls and bringing you back here, where you belong."

"Punish me," Beth said, keeping her head high as she stepped toward him. "Kill me, but if you ever cared about me, considered me family or loved me, please leave them alone." There were still tears in her eyes but she couldn't back down. She had to keep fighting. If she was going to die then she was at least going to buy her family as much time as possible.

"Why would I kill you?" Negan said, chuckling darkly. "Why would I kill you when I want you to return to them?"

Beth's mouth dropped open and she didn't know how to take that. "If you want me to do something to them…" she trailed off when Negan laughed out loud.

"No, Angel," he grinned widely. "I don't want you to do anything other than fucking talk," he told her. "I want you to go back there, to Alexandria and I want you to fucking tell them what is coming for them. I want you to tell them to be fucking ready, because when I come for you, I'll come for them and then those motherfuckers will be wishing that you had died when you fucking should have." He touched the circular wound on her forehead and Beth gritted her teeth so that she wouldn't do anything. "And that fucking motherfucker," Negan continued, his voice lower this time. "The one who fucked you? Yeah, the redneck who I'm assuming you fucking love or whatever the fuck, considering that you got his fucking wings tattooed on your fucking back… I'm going to be making a fucking example out of him."

Goosebumps spread over her skin when Negan lifted Lucille, letting the barbed wire touch Beth's arm. He didn't let it dig into her skin, but the bat rested there nonetheless as he tried to intimidate her.

"I'm going to sit that dick down, in a fucking chair and have the whole town watch as I castrate him," Negan told her, his hot breath fanning over her face. She forced herself to stare into his eyes, taking in the threats that he was making because she had to remember them; she had to remember what he had become. "I'll filé him like a fucking fish, skin him alive until he's begging for me to fucking kill him already," Negan said. "Until you kill him for me."

"I'll never," Beth spat back at him, anger welling up inside of her, getting the better of her.

"It's either going to be you or me, Sweetheart," Negan grinned. "I'll make it fucking painful and slow, but who knows? Maybe I'll just nick a fucking vein by accident and he'll bleed out like a stuck pig instead." He reached up and grabbed her chin again, this time a bit gentler. "Do they even know about what you've done?" he asked her, a smug smirk on his face.

Daryl knew and he didn't care. She had told him most of it, maybe not everything but he knew the worst parts and he had known that it had been because she had to survive somehow. Negan seemed to notice that she was thinking about something, but he only continued to grin at her.

"Oh my sweet little Angel," he said, brushing his fingers against the scar on her cheek. "Go to Alexandria and tell them what's fucking coming for them. But if you think, for even one fucking second that they are going to forgive you for all that you've done, you're in for the biggest fucking surprise of your life."

"You don't know them," Beth countered. "You don't know what they have been through and you're going to regret underestimating them," she said. "Negan, I am asking you one last time to stop and think about this. Are you actually willing to go to war? Over proving a fuckin' point?"

Negan ignored her question and she wasn't even sure that he was listening to her anymore. "Do you want to know why I fucking call you my angel?" he asked her. "Do you think it's because you saved me? That you're my fucking guardian or something?" He shook his head slowly, "No, Sweetheart… It's because you're the fucking Angel of Death."

Beth couldn't help but tense at his words, staring at him once more.

"Think about it," he grinned, his eyes shining. "Everywhere you go, death follows. You're my cold-blooded little killing machine and by the time that your family realizes that," he said the word with disgust, his eyes boring into hers, "it's going to be too late."

-§-

Beth ran through the hallways of the Sanctuary, trying to keep her steps light so that she wouldn't alert anyone to her presence. Negan had told her to go, he had told her to run so that was exactly what she was doing. The revelation that he had known about the Safe Zone all along was still heavy in her heart. The games hadn't stopped when she had left the Sanctuary because they had followed her to Alexandria. If Dwight had been the only one who had been watching her, Beth was certain that Negan had given him orders to torment her by whistling and making her paranoid. Negan knew exactly which buttons to press when it came to her and Beth hated him for it.

There had been a time when she had loved him though. Back when she had considered him her family. When she had believed in him and thought that he was a good man.

Beth stopped outside of what had been her room, opening the door slowly. Negan had told her to go there, that she would find the keys to a car on the table, but as she took in the scene in front of her she wondered whether that too had been a ploy all because he had wanted her to see it. Everything was ruined, things thrown around and broken glass littering the floor along with all of her clothes. She spotted the keys that Negan had told her about when he had said that he wanted her to get back to Alexandria safely.

'I don't want you to die before you get the opportunity to watch me fuck up everyone you care about.'

Shivers traveled through her spine as she stepped over the glass and took the keys. She still didn't have any of her weapons and she mourned the loss of her dagger, but she had to get out. Beth turned around and headed out through the door, the hallways eerie silent. Goosebump raised on her arms when she hurried around the corner, only to stop dead in her tracks.

"Lil' Beth Greene," Turner smirked at her, lazy grin on his face as he leaned his back against the wall. She glanced down, instantly setting her eyes on her dagger that he was twisting around in his dirty hands, carelessly.

"Turner," Beth said, her hands clenching. She wasn't sure what he was doing there and she wasn't planning to stick around to find out. "Get out of my way," she told him, trying to step around him when he came to stand in the middle of the hallway.

"An' why would I do that?" Turner asked, raising an eyebrow. "Where ya goin'?"

"Negan is sending me on a mission," Beth said, narrowing her eyes at him. It wasn't as if it was a complete lie. "It's not any of your business."

"I doubt that, Greene," Turned said. "Actually, I know for a fuckin' fact that the boss would never send ya anywhere now. Not when he just got ya back." He paused then, taking a step closer in her direction. "Wanna know what I think, Girly?" he questioned, getting into her face. He pointed her dagged at her chest, the tip of it digging into her skin slightly, drawing blood. Beth refused to move as she stared up at the man who was a bit bigger than her. "I think he fuckin' saw through your motherfuckin' lies an' threw ya the fuck out," he spat, his eyes flashing dangerously.

She wasn't really sure why the push came as a surprise to her, but she almost lost her footing when Turner pushed her back.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" she snapped at him as he came at her again, grabbing her wrists roughly. Beth felt the dagger digging into her skin again as Turner dragged her toward himself and threw her against the wall. Her back hit the wall, the back of her skull connecting with it, making her dizzy. She gasped before she started to struggle against him, but he held her arms above her head and pinned her legs down with his own.

"I think that I'm gonna fuck you up," Turner told her. "I've been wantin' to do it since the Hilltop, when ya started orderin' me 'round as if ya were the boss of me."

Beth tried to knee him in his crotch, but he reacted, his hand falling down to her thigh to push her leg back down. His move had made him drop one of her hands and Beth took the chance, delivering a punch to his face. Turner lost his grip a bit and Beth managed to get another punch in before she got away from him, raising both her fists to hit him again. The man spat blood on the floor, his grin revealing blood from where she had managed to split his lip. Beth's head felt heavy from the hit that she had received earlier though and she was pretty sure that the back of it was bleeding, if the warmth there was any indication.

"Just let me go," Beth said to him again, still feeling dizzy. She wasn't sure that she could fight him off if he actually put some effort in it. "Negan wants me alive."

"Negan doesn't fuckin' know what he wants," Turner snarled at her. "Everythin' was fuckin' good 'til you showed up with him! We was doin' just fine 'til you came along, thinkin' that you were fuckin' untouchable! I've fuckin' hated your guts since ya started givin' me an' my men orders!"

"Negan's men," Beth corrected. "They're not yours, Turner." She wasn't even sure how she was managing to form words because of her nearly blinding headache. "I was followin' his orders, like everyone else!"

"Ya did it 'cause ya fuckin' liked it, Killer," Turner sneered. "Won't ever understand what Negan saw in ya. When he asked me to…" he trailed off as another grin appeared on his face. "When he asked me to provoke ya, in the cafeteria. Remember?"

Beth thought of the time that the man had approached her when she had been eating. He had tried to come on to her but she hadn't thought anything of it then because he was known for being an asshole and she knew that he disliked her. She could never have anticipated that he hated her this much though, or the fact that Negan might have had a hand in Turner approaching her.

"What d'ya say, Bethy?" Turner mocked. "Cat got your fuckin' tongue or somethin'? Did ya really think that I'd ever be interested in a bitch like you?" His eyes moved over her body, but she continued to stand, preparing herself. He was clearly circling, trying to distract her from the attack that she knew would come at any second.

"Negan only wanted to know if ya were fuckin' someone else behind his back," he said. "He might not know it now, but he's gonna be thankin' me for killin' ya, trust me on that."

He charged at her and Beth just narrowly managed to avoid him. She swung with her leg and tried to get a good kick into his stomach, but Turner caught her foot and twisted as he pulled at her. Beth closed her eyes as Turner's fist connected with her cheek, the pain shooting through her entire body. How could she have been so naive to think that she might actually be able to fight the madman who kicked her as she fell over? She curled in on herself, her head throbbing as she raised her hands, trying to protect it from his hits. He was going to beat her to death and she was too dizzy to fight him. She was going to die, but not by Negan's hand, like she had expected. No, instead, she had let this son of a bitch get the better of her.

The kicking stopped but Beth couldn't breathe. The wind had been knocked right out of her lungs and she forced herself to blink a few times, as she felt more than saw Turner crouch down next to her. She felt his fingers touch her cheek and she could hear the amusement in his tone as he spoke, "Don't worry. Your face'll just bruise a bit. Not that it matters, since you'll be dead soon anyway."

She acted on instinct, turning her head quickly as she bit down on his hand. Turner screamed and Beth felt her teeth pierce his skin, blood filling her mouth as he struggled to get her away from him. He slapped her across the other cheek and Beth finally let go, feeling the blood dripping down her chin as she forced herself to back away from the man. He was staring at his hand and the clear bitemark where she had actually managed to tear off some of his flesh. She found herself grinning cruelly at him as she leaned her back against the wall. Rolling her tongue around in her mouth and over her teeth, she spat at the floor by his feet. If he was going to kill her, she might as well make him remember that she had still managed to leave a mark on him.

"Fuck you," she said, voice even as she smirked at him as he continued to bleed.

His gaze darkened as he stepped toward her, "I am going to-"

Beth stared at the man who abruptly stopped speaking. She watched as something stuck out of his forehead, blood dripping down his face slowly. Turner toppled over, his eyes empty and Beth looked up, her eyes settling on Dwight who was staring down at her.

For another moment, she was quiet. Somehow she had completely missed the sound of Dwight's bolt cutting through the air before it connected with the back of Turner's head, killing him instantly. She took a shaky breath, but it hurt to do so and she wondered just how badly Turner had beat her. Adrenaline was still rushing through her though, so the majority of the pain would probably be felt later.

"You okay, Greene?" Dwight asked, breaking the silence.

Beth would have laughed, and she tried to, she did, but instead it came out choked. She looked at Turner's body, pushing it away from herself with her feet before she slowly started to rise. Leaning her hands against the wall, she put her hand on her stomach and tried to breathe. She felt light, for some reason, like she had no lungs left at all because the air was just gone.

Dwight took a step in her direction, though his face remained as neutral as his voice.

"I have to go," Beth finally managed to say once she was able to take a breath. Her voice was hoarse and low, and how she felt reminded her too much of how she had been when she had been recovering at Grady after she had been shot in the head. "Dwight, he- He told me," she said, looking at the man. "You found me and you whistled, didn't you?"

A look of something flashed on Dwight's face as he looked away from her. She could see that his jaw was clenched. "You brought it on yourself," he told her, his voice cold. Too cold, actually. She couldn't remember if she had ever heard her speak to her in that way.

"Negan told me to leave," she said, trying to decipher just what it was that he wasn't telling her. "He told me to go back to Alexandria and that you would all be coming for us."

'When you least expect it, we'll be there. When you think you're safe, I'll come knocking on your door. It can be days, weeks, months or years. You won't see me coming and when you blink, all the people you fucking care about will be dead,' Negan's voice echoed in her mind.

Dwight stared at her then and she felt sorry for everything that she had ever done to him but that had been then and this was now. "Come with me," she said. "Take Luke and Sherry and come with me. You deserve better than all of this," she told him. Something flashed in his eyes again and he bent down, picking up the keys that Beth must have dropped when Turner had attacked her. Dwight walked up to her and placed them in her hand, her fingers closing around the cool metal as the man stared right into her eyes.

"Go back to your people," he told her, his expression unreadable. "Let me take care of mine."

She wanted to say something else to protest, but there wasn't enough time for it. The pain was beginning to come back to her and she was fairly sure that Negan wouldn't appreciate her sticking around to use some of their medical supplies. Her mouth still tasted like copper and her side was beginning to hurt too much. If she was going to make it back to Alexandria in time, she had to go.

"I'm sorry," she said to Dwight, not knowing why she did but knowing that she had to. He only watched her quietly and Beth looked down at Turner's body one last time before hurrying away from there.

-§-

Her body ached as she drove and her vision kept getting blurry. She wasn't sure how she hadn't driven into a ditch yet, but she was driving based on memory alone, as if on autopilot. She couldn't think about what had happened at the Sanctuary; couldn't think about what she had done. It had been necessary at the time but the blood in her mouth made her feel sick.

Halfway to the Safe Zone, she stopped the car, opening the door just in time as the bile rose in her throat. She spat on the ground holding her head in her hands as she tried to will herself to keep going. Just a little bit longer and she would be there. Just a little bit and she would be safe, at least for a little while.

The threat of the Saviors wouldn't just go away magically and Beth knew that she would have to explain everything to Daryl and the others when she came back to the Zone. Tears fell from her eyes at rapid speed when she thought about how quickly things could change. She thought about Daryl but forced herself not to because it wouldn't do her any good. For all that she knew, she could have internal bleedings and would die before she reached Alexandria.

She kept going.

It was getting dark when she finally started closing in. She could see the walls from a distance and a laugh bubbled up in her throat as more tears fell from her eyes. She hit the accelerator, but she could feel herself slipping. As she tried to slow down so that she would be able to weave through the cars that had been parked outside of the walls to make it more difficult for vehicles to approach, her head exploded with pain and she shut her eyes tightly. Her body shot forward as she crashed into one of the other cars, head hitting the steering wheel as the car horn sounded, long and loud. She pushed herself back and rested her head back against the seat.

Up on the wall, she could see the scouts looking toward her and a smile graced her face as her chest tightened. Beth breathed harshly, another laugh escaping her when her head lolled to the side and she looked toward the gate which was opening. She saw Daryl, Rick and Glenn rushing out, Daryl running toward her car as if he was being chased by a hoard of walkers. She knew it was him, even though she couldn't see his face clearly anymore. She would always recognize him, no matter what.

Beth smiled, closing her eyes as she took a breath, her head still pounding away at her and the stabbing pain in her side making itself known. She heard Daryl call her name, repeatedly, but she couldn't respond.

Everything was dark, and then it was silent.

Note: ... Sorry? ...

No but really, I just want to make some things clear before I leave you guys to process some of the things that happened. First of all, Turner. Yes, he was absolutely going to be kill Beth. He's hated her since the very beginning and remember in the start of this story when he approached her to try to seduce her? Yeah, that wasn't because he liked her at all, but because he was ordered to provoke her by Negan. All Turner has ever been interested in is doing his own thing and while he might not be a rapist, he is a murdering bastard who enjoys toying with people's minds.

Secondly, Negan and all the things he said... I could have kept writing that scene for AGES but I felt like I needed to just leave it at that. More things were said, as you can see by his voice in Beth's head as she's trying to get out of the Sanctuary. Yes, Negan told her to take a car because he knew all along that she would be coming back (something which will also be mentioned in the Negan one-shot) and he hadn't planned on killing her. Him describing how he was going to murder Daryl in front of her... I'm sorry for that because I know that when I wrote it, I was trying to think of the darkest most despicable thing he could say to her, because still, all he wants is for her to break (Like he has been broken, in a way, by her.). There are two sides to all stories and when you read things from Negan's point of view in "A Touch of Madness" you'll kind of/sort of/maybe understand how his obsession with Beth came to be...and why after everything she's done, he still won't kill her.

And finally, Beth. Our sweet, dangerous Beth. She's been called an Angel of Death by Negan and beaten down by Turner. Her trying to reach out to Dwight and make him come with her comes from her belief that he is still a good man at heart (He made it there in time and she doesn't know that he is actually on their side! Or is he? He he he...). Then he told her to leave and she left. And crashed and everything just stopped. What I want to explain is the kiss though, between her and Negan. She kissed him because she was desperate for him to give up the idea of hurting her family. All she wanted was for him to leave them alone and to keep them safe and for a while I contemplated whether I should keep that scene in there, and then I decided to leave it as it was. But it's like Negan said: He doesn't want her to be with him because she's trying to save someone else. He wants her to want him for herself.

Sorry for the long note and I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, even though it might have been horrid. Thank you so much for reading and remember, comments are golden if you'd want to leave them! :) Lots of love and a lot of hugs! xx