*I realize that this is like really out there for an idea, it's very… modern. It's just something I thought of and wanted to play with a bit.

Ch 1- Gone Another Way

Mrs. Hughes bit her lip nervously, absentmindedly crumpling the letter into a ball and shoving it into the back of the drawer. She sighed, bracing herself against the dresser, her mind racing. Eyes closed, she took a deep breath through her nose in an attempt to steady herself. It was all coming too fast, her world crashing down before her. She looked around her quiet, lonely little room, surveying its emptiness for a moment. Sure it was a lonely life, but it was a privileged one. She was safe at Downton, well cared for, healthy… it didn't matter that she was a servant, her life was a far cry from what it would've been if she'd allowed her apparent destiny to win out: life as a farmer's wife, miserable, sickly and the mother of ten or eleven unfortunate souls.

Elsie sighed again, forcing herself to open the drawer and take out the letter again. It was from her mother's neighbor in Argyle. 'She's not doing well,' it said. 'It'll be anytime," it warned, 'Becky is frightened and needs you.' Elsie paused for a moment before shoving the letter back into the drawer, slamming it shut in a fit of anger that was rapidly evolving into pure disgust, the mirror rattling violently on top of the bureau. She huffed, her own aging image catching her gaze as the mirror shook, slower by the second eventually finding its resting place again.

She'd left Argyle many years before out of restlessness and to the need earn money for the family after her father grew ill. Overtime she'd grown used to the life of luxury, of living in a great house like Downton Abbey, and while she lamented that she hadn't had a family of her own she didn't seriously think she would trade life at Downton for anything, but she was going to have to. When her mother died, soon apparently, Elsie was going to have to return to Scotland and live a meager existence caring for her sister Becky, who was not right in the head. She'd known this was coming since she was very young, maybe as young as seven years old, but she never thought the day would come so soon and she didn't want it to.

Elsie stared at herself in the mirror, studying her bitterly sad expression. She didn't want life to change, not in this way. She was at least content with this life, but she dreamed of another, one that was growing increasingly distant by the day. She closed her eyes, putting her head down at the thought.

'No, no lass you must train yourself to think of something else!' She chastised.

You see, Elsie fantasized about life gone another way: one with a wonderful husband and bairns of her own. It wasn't just any life, the life she would've had with Joe Burns or any other farmer who'd been keen on her when she was younger. Instead it was a life with Downton's formidable butler, Charles Carson. Pure fantasy, it was something the housekeeper never seemed to be able to keep out of her mind. She thought about it at breakfast when he sat at her side, loudly commanding the rest of the staff, and all throughout the day as they talked and worked together. She dwelled on it at night when he'd come into her sitting room for a glass of sherry, smiling at her deeply with warm, kind eyes and an inviting smile as he inquired about her musings on life. She mulled about it endlessly, in bed alone at night, her thoughts often drifting from the kindness in his eyes to the strength of his chest, the warmth of his embrace and inevitably to what it would feel like to be wrapped safely in those arms, skin on skin. It was as if Charles Carson followed her everywhere she went, every waking second and often during her sleep too.

She was a woman obsessed. The trouble was, this wasn't something she felt she could tell him. She'd tried once, not long ago.

"Do you ever wish," She'd asked, "that you'd gone another way…"

It'd taken her forever to get up the gumption to inquire and she'd only done so because of the loss of Master Patrick, Downton's heir, on the Titanic. It'd made her think about how fleeting life was and that it could so easily pass you by and that would be that. Elsie put the letter down again, careful with it this time. Life was fleeting and while it wasn't like her fantasy, Elsie suddenly realized that she wasn't really living it alone he was by her side and while he wasn't her lover he was the closest thing she had to a partner and a trusted best friend. She gulped, her eyes welling with tears when she realized leaving Downton met loosing him….forever.

She shook her head and sniffled, trying to will herself not to continue crying but she couldn't help it, she had no control over the tears that streamed down her cheeks. She was a giving person, who'd always known that one day she'd have to go, sooner rather than later, but she'd never given thought to loosing what she did have with him. Elsie let out an audible moan as she collapsed onto the edge of her bed. How was she to leave him, to ever forget him if she he seemed to haunt her when he was by her side? Surely life without him in it at all would be tantamount to hell. She'd almost rather die. Part of her wished she could tell him that, that she could confess everything on her heart… that she were free to do that. She was sure it would offend his formal sensibilities.

"They say this too shall pass." She reminded herself, nervously rubbing her knees.

She'd gotten he letter just past dinner hour. Soon it would be that time again, when the two of them would meet to discuss the day. Usually she relished their private time. It was when she'd look into his eyes and allow herself to get lost there, pretending they were off in another world, she his wife.

'It was a nice little dream while it lasted Elsie.' She told herself. 'But dreams don't come true for you lass, remember?'

She gulped, wiping a tear from her cheek and straightening her dress as she stood, realizing she'd have to tell him sooner or later. Elsie cringed, afraid he wouldn't be upset to see her go: that would crush her.

Elsie eyed herself in the mirror, taking special care to make her hair tidy before going downstairs, just as she always did before their nightcap. Mrs. Hughes wasn't sure how she hadn't realized all she'd have to give up in leaving Downton Abbey: a wonderful job, security, employers who she liked, a nice home that wasn't hers but was too lovely not to appreciate, Beryl (who she loved too), Charlie, and her secret fantasy of a life with him. Although she knew it was just a silly dream, the whole thing kept Elsie sane in many ways.

She wanted to go another way now more than she'd ever thought possible and it was simply too late. You see Mrs. Hughes was aging, but not old. She'd asked him about a wife and children because she wanted children desperately. Her biological clock was ticking fast, with just seconds left on it, it seemed and she found herself literally aching for a child of her own. Lately, she noticed she was staring at mothers in the village; her arms, heart and belly feeling painfully empty as she walked back to the Abbey alone… She would've never wanted the ten or eleven she'd have been destined to have as a farmer's wife, but she deeply lamented the one or two who'd never come.

Elsie gulped as she made her way out of her room. Downton was the first time in her life that she'd had a place to call her own and she didn't want to give that up either, not for anyone. The last thing she wanted to do was fall into a life of poverty, but again, that was what was going to happen.

'Do you ever wish you'd gone another way?' She thought about asking him as she made her way down the stairs. She paused just before the last step when she heard his booming, formidable voice chastising Thomas. His words were harsh but the mere inflection of his tone filled her heart with joy. She stood there, unseen, swooning as he came into view.

'Good evening Charlie.' She wanted to say, her imagination taking over.

Elsie stared at him as he yelled at Thomas, thinking about the world in her head she'd have to forego very soon. She'd miss everything about it: the little cottage with the picket fence, their wonderful little lads and their youngest, a redheaded lass. She'd even miss the moment she dreaded most every day, the part where he got up to leave and said, 'good-night Mrs. Hughes,' breaking her out of her reverie and reminding her that she was not a Carson, or a married woman, or a mother. It broke her heart a little every time, but at least the fact that he did it met that she was with him. Elsie sighed realizing how absurdly lovesick she was.

"Thomas you have no standards!" Carson barked. Elsie listened carefully, remaining hidden from his view. "You have no regard for anyone else, or for yourself or what you say!"

Carson continued, but Elsie zoned out. Thomas had no regard for anyone else that was for sure. She paused in thought, contemplating the idea of what it met to have no regard for anyone else and after a moment she wondered why she should have regard either. Life was short, fleeting and hers was soon to be over, so why should she have any hesitation in admitting her feelings to him… well because of Becky she supposed, there was no way to get out of caring for her.

Elsie snuck into her sitting room, thinking about her new idea as she got out the sherry glasses. She laughed bittersweetly when she opened her desk drawer, finding a picture of a baby from a magazine inside. She sighed, about to tell herself that maybe it'd be her time for a happy family in another life when an absolutely insane idea struck her.

'No you can't do that! B-but… why not…your life is over, you're never going to see him again anyway or anyone else you know… what do you care if he says no, if he thinks you're a woman of no standards… and for that matter… what do you have to gain if he says yes…' Elsie paused, wondering if there was a chance that this was a risk worth taking, like when she'd decided to go into service instead of being a farmer's wife.

"Ah! I'm sorry Mr. Carson, you startled me." She giggled when she turned to find him standing there, a small smile on his handsome face.

Elsie had no idea that Carson harbored feelings for her as well, ones so deep that they nearly rivaled her affections for him. But like her, he was too afraid to approach her, feeling that he would simply get rejected and he didn't think he could handle that. He paused, not saying anything for a moment, his gazed focused on the fullness of her cheeks and the brightness of her smile; her smile filled his mind every waking second, and like her, he considered himself a being entranced.

"Hello Mrs. Hughes, sorry to have frightened you… I haven't seen you all evening."

"No." She said, handing him one of the glasses of sherry she'd just poured. She sighed as she sat down. "Mr. Carson we need to talk."

"Yes Thomas, he…"

"No… you see my mother is… she's going to pass away soon."

"Oh. I'm-I'm so sorry to hear that. Is there anything I could…?"

She shook her head no. "Soon I will have to leave service and go live with my sister, to care for her… she's not right in the head you see and…"

Elsie didn't notice the distraught look on his face when she began to explain that she was leaving. He swallowed hard, trying to hold back tears. "When will you be going?"

"I'm not sure yet…"

"Well, I suppose you do get to go another way after all."

Elsie paused. So he had truly heard that question.

"That's just what I wanted to talk to you about Mr. Carson, you as much told me you'd liked to have gone another way…"

Elsie stopped herself; barely believing she was about to propose this. She was a woman of great moral fiber, how could she suggest such an abominable thing? Carson gazed at her, expecting an answer and something inside her pushed her to continue after all, if he found her disgusting, she'd never see him again anyway.

"Y-yes." He hesitated, wondering what she was getting at. "I sometimes wish very much I'd gone another way."

"You see… I may be trapped by the circumstances with my sister but… I want to go my own way while I still can." She'd realized only minutes earlier that it wasn't truly too late there was still a small chance and she was forcing herself to take it. "I could never ask you to leave your family at Downton but…" She paused again, his heart pounding, leave Downton, what was she implying?! "Mr. Carson there is no easy way to ask you this… would you like to be a father Mr. Carson, while you still have the chance?"

"Mrs. Hughes!" He chastised, almost yelling at her, he couldn't believe she, the woman he loved, would suggest such an intimate, vile thing. He was floored. "I never considered you a woman with no standards!"

"I knew you wouldn't understand I'm truly sorry Mr. Carson, I suppose this is my resignation." She said, lowering her head as she began to tear up, rushing toward the door. She stopped feeling something grab her arm as she reached for the door.

"Wait!" He cried, squeezing her hand tight in his own. She turned to face him with surprise. "What are you suggesting?"

"I'm leaving with my sister, and going to Scotland to the middle of nowhere to live on a pittance for the rest of my life Mr. Carson… I wanted to go another way I wanted a family of my own and lacking that, I wouldn't want to give up Downton Abbey, but I have to and…I suppose I might as well say straight out it now that I've asked you…"

"What?"

She sighed. "I want to have a child." She swallowed. "Someone to love, to give me hope…I'm not getting any younger, and I'm no going to have a man in my life… not one who I trust and who I…" Elsie decided to approach this from a business perspective. "No one will ever know, where I'm going that I'm not a widow, I'll never see anyone I know again." She admitted. "And I just, I want to have a baby, and I want…."

"To have it with me." He finished, his heart racing so fast he thought he'd pass out. What was she saying? Did she love him? How could he agree to such a vile thing?! She nodded simply. "That would mean we'd have to…" Carson felt his heart flutter and his stomach drop when he realized she was asking him to make love before she left.

"Yes… please don't be upset. I suggested it because I want a child so much and I know you do Mr. Carson… it's a way to give us both the ability to go another way: me without being lonely forever, and for you to have a child without responsibility and consequences. The bairn and its mother would be far away where no one would ever know. All I ask is that you don't forget about us, write to the babe, maybe visit every once in a while so he knows he has a Daddy."

Carson's heart continued to pound so loudly he couldn't hear himself think. He stared down into her bright blue eyes, looking back at him seeming desperate with hope, longing, embarrassment and fear all at once. It was a strange combination, as if she were begging both for her desire and to be forgiven all at once and he hated to see that look on her. Carson paused for a prolonged second, considering her request.

On one hand, he didn't think he could be part of something so…improper and immoral, of fathering a child out of wedlock, on purpose! But on another he dreamed of seeing this beautiful woman bear him his own child, lad or lass he didn't care a bit as long as it had her eyes. Moreover, the thought that he would get to be with her, to make love to her as he'd thought of nearly every night, it was temptation that was simply too much for him and he, a mere man, found himself unable to resist it.

Elsie gasped as he approached her, a very serious look in his eye as he came right up to her and looked down into her face, leaning forward and beginning to kiss her. His lips locked with hers in an instant and she found herself melting into his embrace, trying to will herself to wake up, sure it was a dream…

"Mrs. Hughes. Just promise one thing?"

"What?" She asked, her heart quickening.

"Our baby will have your nose."