When she fell asleep at night she would dream about the way it felt to have Kara's hands on her, in her, and she would remember the look in Kara's eyes as she smiled down at her boss. Her dreams always started out this way, but they would end with Kara's face warping into one of pain and hatred.
When Cat would wake up, heart pounding and covered in sweat from these nightmares, she could never decide which was the worst part. The fact that each time she would forget what was coming, and so every night the beauty of the first part opened a fresh wound when it was ripped away, the look on Kara's face at the end of the dream, or the fact that the hatred she saw on Kara's dream face was never reflected in reality.
She thought it might be easier to handle all this if Kara would look at her that way, it would prove that Cat had made the right decision. If Kara would only just get angry at Cat, Cat would know her message had sunk in, and that Kara understood that she had a right to be treated better.
But instead Kara would great her in the morning with her perfectly hot coffee and broken smile.
I wanted to protect her smile, Cat remembered every time she saw it, I did what I had to do, so how long is it going to take? I'm not that great Kara, just get over me already!
Cat for her part, was having just as little success getting over the younger woman as Kara seemed to have getting over her. But she was the Queen of All Media and she knew how to wear a mask. Her mask didn't help at night however, and so she had taken to leaving the house once or twice a week after Carter was safely asleep and heading out to a bar. The only two things that mattered on those nights were finding someone else who just wanted the same, unattached anonymous sex as she did, and making sure that they looked nothing like Kara.
Afterwards, Cat would slink home and, for a few days at least, have dreamless nights.
After the first time she had done this Kara had hardly been able to look at her the following morning, almost as if she had known, and considering how much Kara already knew about her life, and how perceptive her assistant was, that was actually a distinct possibility. But after the third such escapade Kara had remarked that Cat looked like she was sleeping better.
"I'm so glad," Kara had told her, and her smile that morning, while still sad, also held a note of acceptance and true relief.
She was worried about me, Cat realized, and she's so happy that I'm feeling better, physically at least, that she doesn't even care that I'm sleeping with other women to do it.
Cat had promised herself that she would stop after that, but four nights later, there she was, back in an expensive, anonymous hotel room with yet another woman's head buried between her legs.
/
Kara doubted that anyone else knew anything was wrong with the two of them. Certainly their professional relationship was unaltered. Cat, (and yes, Kara was still calling her Cat in her head), Cat still called her Kiera, and Kara was still bringing her hot coffee and scrambling after her every whim. But when Cat smiled at her now it seemed fake, maybe it always had been. If only her increased sensitivity to the other woman would give her insight into her mind, instead of just her physical condition.
Controlling her level of awareness of Cat through the bond was very similar to controlling the level of intensity in her other senses, and Kara found that, with a little effort, she could turn the volume down low enough that she wasn't party to Cat's every movement.
She still knew when Cat's heart rate increased during a bad dream, but after a few days she learned how to keep from knowing exactly where the other woman was at any given moment, and from feeling Cat's exhaustion. She could still see how tired Cat was, however, and she wanted desperately to help. But Cat had found her own remedy.
Kara had been going over her notes from work late one night the first time it had happened. The burning sensation that started in her chest caught her by surprise, making her instantly hyperaware of Cat, and of the fact that someone else was touching her.
Kara tried to block it out but it was impossible. The pain in her chest spread too quickly, and was too overwhelming. She had fallen to the floor, and, despite the spots swimming across her vision, when the pain had finished spreading to her extremities, Kara could see the veins on her hands standing out in sharp contrast to her skin, burning with a dark green light. She had cried out when it had first started, but as the pain continued to intensify, she found that she could no longer move, nothing in her body was working well enough to even let out a scream. She wanted to pass out, but knew that would be impossible. Her bond with the other woman would ensure that she remained conscious as long as this continued. She felt it when Cat reached her orgasm, and in that moment Kara didn't know who she was, she didn't even know who Cat was, the only thing that existed for her was a seemingly endless sea of pain.
Long after it was over Kara had continued to lie on the floor, small aftershocks ripping through her body even after Cat was home in bed, sleeping soundly for once.
The second time it had happened Kara had been asleep, but the pain that woke her was no less intense despite the fact that she had been preparing herself for its inevitable return.
When Kara felt the first warning twinge for the third time she was in the middle of stopping a bank robbery. She had just enough time to end the fight, but not enough to make it back to her apartment, and so she spent that night curled up next to a dumpster in a random ally.
But Cat was sleeping again, and that, Kara realized, was the key. She didn't know what had been causing Cat's interrupted sleep, although she supposed it was possible that Cat was upset with herself for stooping to sleep with her assistant, but now things were on the mend. Her mate was safe, and healthy, and Kara cared about that far more than her own wellbeing. And Cat hadn't asked for this, Kara had no right to demand that Cat refrain from sex just because Kara had gotten carried away and forced the other woman into a secret marriage. Cat should and would have her freedom. Kara was a superhero, after all, it was her job to protect others and ensure their happiness, even at the cost of her own.
/
The past three months had been terrible. Oh sure, things at the office were running smoothly, and her sleep had improved, but Kara, just, Kara.
She kept waiting to see signs that her assistant was mending, but so far Kara only looked more tired and pained every time she saw her. Cat honestly didn't know what was going to be worse, however, continuing to see Kara in pain, or seeing Kara happy with someone else. She was even beginning to question whether or not she had really made the right decision, but each time she did, she forced herself to think about something else. It didn't help that something seemed to be wrong with Supergirl as well.
The hero was keeping it hidden but Cat had scrutinized over enough hours of Supergirl battle footage to realize there was a slight difference, Cat could see it each time Supergirl hesitated before getting back up after taking a hit, or in the way she sometimes punched one time too many. So far no one else in the news had noticed, largely due to Cat's interference, but she wasn't sure how much longer she would be able to keep covering for the hero.
Tonight had been especially hard. Kara had left work early with no explanation and all the news channels, her own included, were still showing clips of the most recent battle, where the news casters seemed intent on highlighting over and over again each blow the hero took, every flash of pain on her young face.
And so Cat hadn't been able to relax, and instead, she found herself returning to the office. She had only been there for about five minutes when she heard a noise outside, where, to her utter astonishment, she found Supergirl, apparently passed out on her sofa hugging the pillow to her chest.
Cat froze for brief moments taking in the sight. Supergirl was a mess. Her normally shining hair was covered in dust and her costume was torn and ragged. But she was breathing, and that meant that she would be ok, or at least Cat desperately hoped it did.
Needing to distract herself from her worry, Cat pulled her authority around herself and walked over to the hero, and when Supergirl showed no signs of stirring, the older woman knelt down at her side and smoothed her face into a convincing air of nonchalance.
"You're making a mess of my furniture," thankfully her voice was strong and sure.
Supergirl's eyes shot open, and whatever Cat had been expecting, it was not the beaming smile she received, so much like Kara's. Supergirl made no effort to move, seemingly content to lie there, vulnerable before the other woman.
"Cat."
/
It had been almost three months since Cat had last touched her. Before that night there had been little things, Cat straightening her collar or standing just a little closer than was necessary when speaking to her assistant, but no more. Kara hadn't realized how much she had come to crave that attention, to need it, even before she had bonded with the older woman. And now that Kara was so very aware of Cat's every heart beat, of each breath, and of exactly how much distance her boss was careful to keep between them at all times, the lack of contact was omnipresent in her mind.
Supergirl was suffering as well. Kara needed, physically needed to interact with her mate, and without that touch her strength and speed were failing. Being close to Cat, in her presence every day gave some relief, and that, combined with the sun's energy still ensured that she was far stronger and faster than any human, but Alex and Hank had started to notice that she was not up to par.
She didn't want to admit what she had done, knowing Alex would march down to CatCo and probably toss her boss out the window, and Kara desperately did not want to know what Alex would do if she found out what happened to Kara every time Cat had sex with someone else. And so she threw herself into martial arts training to compensate for the loss of power. It was working, too, or at least enough that she was still winning her fights, and even if she was more exhausted afterwards, took longer to heal, she was still saving people.
But this last fight had been grueling. It had lasted almost four hours, four hours of being thrown through entire buildings and absorbing punches from the latest alien threat. She had won, eventually, but her suit was torn and dirty, and she felt the ache in her chest, her need for Cat, all the more.
It didn't help that it was past nightfall when the fight had ended and she wouldn't be able to recharge until the sun came up in the morning. The DEO had wanted her to come in and spend some time under the sun lamps, but all Kara really wanted was Cat.
And so she ignored Alex's pleas and, knowing that she couldn't go to Cat directly, flew instead to the next best thing. Collapsing onto the couch on Cat Grant's balcony at CatCo, Kara held the sofa pillow to herself and inhaled her mate's scent. It would have to be enough to get her through to morning. At this point, she was too out of it to fly any further, and she didn't even have the energy to hide behind her superhero mask when Cat Grant herself knelt down next to her.
/
"Cat," the hero whispered, and Cat's breath caught in her throat at the name. Supergirl had never called her by her first name before. "You're here."
And then a look of soft confusion crossed over the young face, "what are you doing here, you should be home…" but Supergirl was still smiling at her, her eyes slightly glazed.
I should get a recording deceive, Cat thought, noticing the look. Supergirl was clearly exhausted and very out of it. Cat was sure she could ask her almost anything right now and the hero would answer.
But she wouldn't do that, she had betrayed one young woman already, she wasn't going to do so to another. That didn't mean she wouldn't ask her questions, however, it just meant she wouldn't record or print the answers.
"If you remember correctly, Supergirl, I work here," she raised an eyebrow and gave Supergirl her most reprimanding look, "the real question is, what are you doing here?"
Sleepily, Supergirl shifted slightly, "I like it here," and then, hugging the pillow tighter to herself she continued, "it smells like you."
That was not remotely an answer Cat was prepared to deal with, it completely threw her off and she found herself responding in a disbelieving tone, almost before she could compose herself, "you like my smell?"
The hero nodded, smiling wider. Cat couldn't help the smile that graced her own face in response, her first real smile in three months.
"You're so beautiful," the truth and admiration in the voice was clear, "I love your smile, it's been so long since you smiled at me like that. I don't like the fake smiles you give me now." A hand untangled itself from the pillow and reached slowly for Cat's face, stopping just short of actual contact.
Cat frowned slightly at that, "I haven't seen you in months, how can I have been giving you fake smiles?" Maybe the girl was confusing her with someone else.
At her words, Supergirl drew back her hand as if it had been burned. There was pain on her face now, pain that Cat didn't understand how she could have caused.
"You see me almost everyday, why haven't you figured it out yet? I'm right there, why won't you look at me?" Cat's mind began to reel, how was that possible? She knew Supergirl's real identity? Had she truly been so caught up in Kara for the past few months that she hadn't been looking at the other people around her?
And then the girl was shaking her head, and Cat saw a single tear escape from one of those perfect, familiar, eyes, "it's ok, I know you don't like me very much when I'm wearing my glasses."
Glasses? No, it wasn't possible.
"But I still like you," the hero went on, "see?" and then Supergirl reached for her again, grabbing onto her shirt and pulling Cat towards her, and when their lips met, Cat knew she recognized that kiss.
An instant later it was over. The contact seemed to revive Supergirl, at least enough that she realized what was happening and what she had been saying.
With a crash Supergirl pulled away, breaking the back of the sofa and landing on the ground behind it in a disheveled heap.
Supergirl was looking at her, true deer in the headlights fashion. She opened her mouth but before she could speak, Cat, who had risen to her feet when Kara had shoved herself away, voiced what should have been obvious for so long, what she would have realized sooner if she hadn't been so caught up in her own pain.
"Kara."
/
Kara should have located Cat first, but she had gotten used to blocking that part of the bond out during the last few months, and so she really hadn't realized that Cat was at the office. When the other woman had appeared in front of her, closer than she had been in a long time, it had brought a sort of euphoria that Kara didn't have the energy to fight.
And so she let herself get swept up in Cat Grant, letting go of everything else other than how wonderful it felt to be in her presence.
That had ended, however, the moment she had kissed Cat. The actual physical contact sent a jolt of energy through Kara that knocked her wide-awake.
"Kara," Cat was saying, and there was that look of awe and respect that Kara only ever received as Supergirl.
After any other fight, or around any other person, Kara would have been able to pull herself together. But as Cat stood over her, truly looking at her for the first time, Kara felt all the pain and agony of the past months and knew she wasn't strong enough to handle it all alone anymore.
Unlike that time in the office when she had fled, this time she didn't even try to hold back the tears. Instead, she let them fall even as she closed the distance between them on her knees and wrapped her arms around Cat's waist, burying her head against Cat's stomach.
/
One moment Supergirl, no, Kara, had been on the ground, staring up at her in shock, and the next the hero was clinging to her, crying, and Cat had no idea what to do, so she just stood there trying to process it all.
Kara was Supergirl. Kara was Supergirl and she was crying in Cat's arms. Kara was Supergirl and she looked utterly broken, and it was Cat's fault.
She should have known. It wasn't just the physical resemblance, she should have seen it in the very reasons she had come to find herself attracted to the young woman in the first place. It was in all those little moments, Kara's bright, genuine smiles, and the way the girl would throw herself so completely into a task to help someone, that Cat sometimes had to make a big show of ordering her lunch from Kara, just to remind the girl that food existed and that she needed to take a break and eat as well. There were other things that came to mind when Cat thought about it, like how Kara could make Carter smile and come out of his shell, and how Supergirl had taken that little extra bit of time to make Carter feel special on the train. It was so obvious that all the qualities that made Supergirl a hero, were the same qualities that had allowed Kara to continue to work for Cat long after anyone else would have quit, and that had allowed Kara to see past the persona of power Cat always wore, and come to care for the real person underneath. Both Kara and Supergirl were magnificent, and both had the ability to utterly take her breath away.
Finally, after a long moment, Cat found herself able to move, and she reached for the young hero's face, tilting it up to meet her own. Cat had no illusions that she would be able to do this if Kara wasn't allowing her to do so, but, as Kara had shown time and time again, she would allow her boss anything.
"Kara," Cat started to say again, but the girl in question shook her head, roughly, desperately.
"No, I'll stop," Kara's eyes were boring into her own and Cat knew that Kara meant every word that was coming out of her mouth.
"I'll stop being Kara, I promise. I'll just be Supergirl, just, just don't leave me alone again, please? You don't have to love me, or give me anything, but, just let me stay by your side. It will be better this way, won't it? You don't like Kara, but you like Supergirl, don't you? I'll be only her for you, I'll be whatever you want, just don't let go, I need you."
"Oh Kara," Cat felt the hero flinch at the name, how had it come to this?
Slowly, careful to keep her hands on the other woman, Cat sank to her knees in the embrace, bringing their faces close together. Cat had seen only the naïve girl, someone she needed to protect, when all this time, it had been Kara who was protecting her. It was time to stop lying, Kara was obviously much stronger than Cat have given her credit for.
"Don't say that, Kara, don't ever say that, especially not for me," Cat ran her hand over Kara's face and Kara moved into the touch. "I do care about you, that's why I said those things, I wanted to make you see that you deserve so much better than what I gave you, I thought that then, and I think it even more now."
Kara was shaking her head again, "I don't want better or worse, I just want you."
How could Cat make her see?
"Kara, you think you need me, but you don't, you shine so brightly, and you already did even before you took up the cape. I'm doing all of this to help you, Kara, you need to see that."
/
Cat's hand against Kara's face was slowly driving back the aches of the battle and healing the bruises, renewing her mind and body at the same time.
Kara was finally beginning to feel like she could think clearly, allowing her to concentrate on Cat's words.
Cat's been lying to me, she realized, just as I've been lying to her. Cat's been lying to protect me. Cat cares about me…
Her sense of wonder at the other woman increased, "you must have been in so much pain," she whispered, "when I ran out on you that night and you thought you had hurt me, all this time you've been thinking about that night all wrong. I should never have left you like that, and your nightmares..."
"No, no Kara, we've been over this, you did nothing wrong! The way I treated you-"
"You made me feel wanted, and that is more powerful for me than you know. I saw them all die, Cat. My cousin didn't, he was a baby at the time, all he has ever known is Earth, his human family, he has no idea what we lost. But I was thirteen and I watched Krypton explode, I saw all those people I cared about and loved, die."
Cat tried to interrupt but Kara kept going, needing to make Cat understand, "all I had left was a purpose, to come here and take care of him, but I even lost that when my rocket got pushed off course and out of normal time. By the time I arrived he was already an adult, and Superman, and he didn't need me. But you, that night, you looked at me like you wanted only me, like you wanted me so badly that nothing else mattered. No one else has ever come close to making me feel like I belonged to this place, to a person, more than you did. I'm not human, Cat, I don't need you to be gentle, I just need you give me a place to belong."
/
Cat wanted to believe Kara, more than anything she wanted to believe. Cat had known Kara didn't blame her for the way she had handled things that night, but was it truly possible that Kara had understood just how much Cat wanted her? Cat's behavior had been driven by a desperate need for the younger woman, but just because Kara seemed to accept and desire that behavior from her, did that make it right?
She needed to know.
"You lost your powers that night, but you didn't know yet which is why you got drunk," it wasn't a question, more a statement of fact as Cat pieced her thoughts together. She knew Superman lost his powers sometimes; it only made sense that Supergirl would also be at risk for a similar aliment.
"You didn't really understand what was happening at first, so tell me, could you have stopped me Kara, could you have told me no, if you had wanted to?"
And that was at the root of the problem. Cat could be mad at herself for not making the night more special for Kara, but she could make it up to her. If Kara hadn't felt like saying no was an option, however, then Cat didn't know if she could accept what Kara was offering now.
"Of course, Cat, and we both know that if I had said no, you would have stopped." Kara seemed to believe it, but did Cat? Would she have stopped, would she have been able to tear herself away from the younger woman?
"How can you be so sure?"
"You would have, Cat," there was such faith and trust in Kara's eyes, "I believe in you."
Kara seemed to sense that Cat was still conflicted, and, as Cat watched the hero's face she saw a look of determination set in. Kara had come to a decision about something, about revealing whatever last bit of information she had still been holding back.
"I wouldn't have allowed anyone else to touch me, only you. Kryptonians mate for life, Cat, we only ever take one lover, and when we bond with them, it changes our very being. I bonded with you that night, but that bond never would have been formed if I wasn't already in love with you. You think you took advantage of me, but what you don't realize is that I wanted you just as badly, and just as blindly. You didn't know that us having sex would forever bind me to you, but I was selfish and I saw a chance to become yours, and I took it."
"Become mine?" Cat whispered, and as she spoke she felt how right that sounded. There was a whole new future just outside of her grasp, if only she was brave enough to take it.
"Yes," and Cat believed her.
"My Kara," she tried it out, testing to see if she could believe and accept it. At her words she saw a change come over the younger woman. Kara seemed to grow, becoming more present in her arms, and Cat realized that the other woman had been slowly fading ever since she had rejected her after the earthquake.
"My Kara," she spoke again with more confidence, watching in awe as her words, her claim, brought new life to Kara, reviving the hero.
"Kara Zor-El, my name," Kara was looking at her with anticipation and hope, and Cat knew she could no longer hold back.
"Then, Kara Zor-El," and at this Kara shivered in her arms, "I think it's about time I really showed you what it means to be mine, let me prove to you that I will never let you go, ever again," and then she closed the distance and hungrily dowered her mate's lips.
If Cat had thought Kara could shine before, it was nothing compared to now.
/
Cat smiled as she looked down at the young woman pressed along her side. They still hadn't managed to do this properly on a real bed, but considering the fact that the narrow confines of the couch, or at least, what was left of it, forced Kara to sleep with her entire body pressed flush against Cat's own, her head tucked under Cat's chin, Cat supposed it wasn't actually so bad.
Cat couldn't help herself and she ran a hand over Kara's face, not quite believing that all this was real. The younger woman had been so sensitive to her and Cat felt her smile shift into a pleased grin as she remembered the evening's activities. She was going to have fun, she thought, experimenting with just how much influence the bond gave her over Kara's body.
As Cat continued her caress, moving from Kara's face to her neck, and finally over her back, Kara arched into her, a soft moan escaping from her lips even as she began to stir. Sleepy eyes met Cat's own and Cat marveled at how the woman could let herself go so completely and shamelessly under Cat's command, and yet still be shy enough to blush in the morning light.
"You know I belong to you as well, don't you Kara?" She realized she hadn't spoken the words aloud yet.
"Yes, Cat, I love you too," came the sleepy, but pleased reply.
"I didn't actually say-" but Cat was cut off as Kara kissed her gently on the neck.
"I know," but Kara still sounded very pleased with herself.
Oh well, it's true anyway. Cat decided not to press the issue.
"Sleep well?" Kara asked after another contented moment.
Cat began to nod, but then she remembered something Kara had said the previous evening, and she felt a knot of discomfort form in the pit of her stomach.
"How did you know about the nightmares?"
Kara looked slightly sheepish at the question, but she answered anyway.
"I can feel you, even when we're not together. I felt your heart rate and breathing increase, and your exhaustion."
Cat's eyebrows snapped together, she wasn't so sure she liked the way that sounded.
Kara picked up on it, but she misread the source of Cat's concern, "I'm working on my sensitivity to it though, don't worry, I can still give you plenty of privacy."
Cat brushed that aside, there would be time to learn about all the intricate ways that the bond had affected Kara later, right now she needed a specific question answered.
"Could you feel it, when I was with those other women?" She asked, getting her answer right away when Kara flinched and looked away.
"It's ok, it was helping you sleep," Kara looked back at her. Cat knew Kara wasn't holding it against her, but there was something else, something the girl wasn't saying. Cat had years of experience reading between the lines, however, of finding out what exactly people were leaving out, and Kara was more open to her than most.
Cat didn't want to ask, but she needed to know. "Did it hurt you? More than just emotionally I mean? Did my actions cause you actual physical pain?"
Kara closed her eyes for a brief moment. When she opened them again Cat could once again see the shadow that had been hanging over them for so long. She knew Kara didn't want to answer, but she also knew Kara respected her enough to give her the truth anyway.
"It did, it was-" she broke off and shook her head, not even really able to describe what the experience had been like.
"Oh, Kara," there was nothing Cat could really say. An apology would hardly be enough.
At the pained tone in Cat's voice, Kara's eyes hardened, the weakness disappearing in an instant to be replaced with a confident and self-assured young woman. Cat recognized the change, and, although she had seen less of in over the past three months, Kara had always had this ability to shift into a hero when it was needed.
"No," Kara repositioned her weight, sliding up so that she was straddling the older woman, rather than tucked into her side.
"You will not feel bad about this, Cat. It was my decision not to tell you what was happening to me, you had no responsibility to me, and no fault."
In this position Kara was illuminated by the soft glow of the dawn light. She was still soft and beautiful, but Cat could see that she was also something much more, someone much stronger.
"You will not feel bad about this," Kara said again, and it was almost a command. Spoken like that, and coming from the Last Daughter of Krypton, someone who could still smile despite so much loss, Cat could feel the authority and weight in those words.
But she was still Cat fucking Grant, and superhero or no, she was not about to let her assistant boss her around.
"Fine," and with that she twisted them both to the side.
Kara's dignity was lost as she let out a surprised squeak and toppled off the sofa, landing on her back on the ground with Cat now on top.
Grinning down at the surprised alien, Cat pinned Kara's hands in place above her head, "but that doesn't mean I still can't work to make it up to you," she spoke before leaning down to capture Kara's lips in a kiss.
Almost as an afterthought Cat broke away from the contact, ignoring Kara's sounds of protest at the lost connection.
"Oh, and Kara?"
Her only response was a soft groan as she shifted her weight and ground her hips down into the younger woman.
"If you even think of using your super strength to break my grip, you are so fired, do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, Miss Grant," came the breathy reply.
The End