It's really late and I needed to vent. I like making Lovino go through the same shit as me, so this was born. There aren't a lot of trans hetalia stuff, so I decided I'd post it. Why not?

Lovino Vargas was laying on his bed while staring at the ceiling of his room. It was a boring, dull white. He could barely make out any color due to it being so dark. The moon didn't shine through his window like before-that had been about an hour ago. His alarm clock read 1:00 AM.

Magnificent.

He had school tomorrow. He shuddered at the very thought. While he didn't like being at home much, he didn't want to face those that he knew, something pretty much required when you're in class most of the day.

He just couldn't do it. He knew that he would get odd looks from his classmates-especially the ones that have known him for a while. Chiara was pretending to be a boy, how weird, they would say. They might think it was just for attention-after all, clearly he needed it with his younger brother being extraordinarily popular. Ew.

They'd talk about him, give him looks and stares, but Lovino wouldn't hear most of it. He wouldn't catch them He would be too busy paying attention to do so. And they'd be careful that he didn't hear. Careful to seem like nice people, while whispering nasty opinions about anyone they didn't like when they were sure no one would judge them. He certainly wouldn't.

Hell, he didn't even know all of his classmates' names. He didn't want to either-anyone that he met now would just be another person that he'd have to explain things to. Another person to worry about, and correct when they got his pronouns wrong. It really wasn't worth it, in his opinion. Not to mention that they probably wouldn't want to be his friend in the first place.

Being at home wasn't really anything better. His parents… they were this close to kicking him out when he came out to them. Feliciano's pleading had stopped them. His younger brother never looked at him the same though. He would flinch and give Lovino a look of pity anytime his parents misgendered him, anytime they would call him by the wrong name.

One would assume that those gestures would be supportive. No, they just made him feel like shit. Maybe his brother meant well, but that didn't change the fact.

Feliciano was smatter than him, you see. Because Feli didn't tell their parents, no. Didn't tell them about his boyfriend Ludwig (still a potato-bastard, if you asked him), or that he would borrow skirts from Felix and wear them to school or when he was out and about just for fun. He saw what happened with Lovino, and was smart enough to hide it all.

It made Lovino feel like a piece of shit older brother.

At least Feliciano calls him that now.

Of course, days that Feliciano decided to wear a skirt, the whole school was buzzing about how cute and brave he was. Killing gender roles, and looking amazing while doing it, all that jazz. Of course, the moment Lovino told his new teachers to address him correctly, he can feel the stares and conversations he'll never be allowed to hear.

Perhaps he was jealous. That could very well be a large possibility.

The Italian groans. This kind of thinking is why he's awake so goddamn late in the night. Or early in the day, if you want to be picky about it. It wouldn't help him fall asleep, but his head was spinning with thoughts and no way to distract himself.

1:05 AM. Seriously, when did five minutes become a fucking eternity?

Lovino shifted onto his side. If he thought about the positive… Maybe that would help. There was his friend Antonio. His hot friend Antonio with the endlessly green eyes, toned muscles and dear God, his ass. It was perfect.

And if he kept thinking about that, he wouldn't be getting any sleep either. Right, Antonio, his friend. He just moved into the district so he didn't know Lovino before they met-it was a godsend, really. They had art class, PE, and English together, as well as lunch.

Lovino had told him just weeks after they met (and when the bastard was insisting they were friends) that he was transgender. He was surprised, said he never realized. Lovino nearly snorts out loud. He doubted that was true.

But Antonio just didn't seem to mind. In fact, he began attending the GSA club meetings-though they were really just "procrastination hour."

The two of them had grown a lot closer… though Lovino doesn't understand why. For someone so positive, he did a great job with putting up with Lovino's bitterness. One time Lovino had demanded to know why he was always so happy.

And Antonio told him. He wasn't.

He wasn't always so happy, but he didn't see the point in being negative, and he would find ways to stay cheerful, even when things were shit for him. And Lovino sensed that they were. They hadn't had many deep conversations, but Antonio would allude to it on rare moments.

But Lovino was the exact opposite, and he had no clue how Antonio put up with it.

Sometimes, he liked to imagine what their conversations would be like if they were to talk about something. Anything, really, it didn't matter how significant or insignificant it was.

Other times, he liked to imagine he was a balloon. There were strings that kept him to earth-his brother, his friends Alfred and Matthew. But they could be cut so easily with his razor sharp thoughts that lurked within his mind. However there was a connection that just wouldn't be but. It wasn't a string, but a steel cord. It held him there more firmly than anything else. And that was Antonio.

Maybe things wouldn't be so bad. Antonio would be there, tomorrow, after all. Maybe things weren't okay for either of them.

They might never be, after all.

But as long as Antonio was with him, he could face the next day.

It was 1:23 AM, and Lovino Vargas fell asleep.

My kink is when people leave reviews tbh. Even on shitty drabbles like these.