Title: Priorities

Summary: Obito goes back in time—as a ghost. His priorities (in this order) are: annoy Kakashi, annoy the hell out of Kakashi, piss Kakashi off, and warn his team about the future. See? His priorities are definitely straight. (Hilarity ensues.)

.

"Uh, good morning?"

"Oh fuck who the hell are you?" Kakashi shrieks, his arms pin-wheeling uselessly as he falls out of his bed out of pure shock and terror.

Obito looks down at Kakashi with dismay and horror. He'd forgotten exactly how adorable his friend had been as a child. (Though he doubts either Kakashi would appreciate that comment.)

"It's nice to see you too, Kakashi," Obito grumbles.

"I said, who the hell are you?"

"I'm Obito," Obito says, sounding mock hurt. "I can't believe you didn't recognize me, Kakashi."

"You—you are not Obito! Obito is not an old man with wrinkles on only half his face!"

Now, Obito is genuinely offended. "Okay, kid-Kakashi, I am not an old man; I'm only thirty-two! And these are not wrinkles. They're scars."

"Kid-Kakashi—I am not a kid!"

"Of course you are," Obito huffs. "You're eleven."

"I'm a chuunin!"

"You're still a kid."

"I am not! I haven't been since I was six!"

"I wish older-Kakashi was here to see this," Obito says dreamily. "That would be amazing. Oh, and guess what?"

Scowling, Kakashi hesitantly asks, "What?"

"You're late," Obito says with a grin.

"Oh shit!"

.

A rather harrowed looking Kakashi with a horrible case of bed hair runs as fast as he can to the training grounds while a smug Obito ghost floats along behind him, onlookers with mixed expressions of surprise, terror, and most of all confusion.

Kakashi stalks into the training grounds, an hour late and pissed off.

(To be fair though, Obito had been rather relentless in his pestering.)

"Bakashi! You're late!" crows mini-him gleefully. "Haha—wait, who are you?"

"Mini-Kakashi's new friend," Obito proclaims with a smirk.

"I hate you."

Minato looks mildly confused. "Who are you?"

"I said, mini-Kakashi's new friend."

"He's the reason why I'm late," growls Kakashi. "I woke up to him saying good morning."

"Mini-Kakashi shrieked like a girl and fell out of the bed," Obito adds.

Mini-Obito bursts out laughing while Rin looks amused at Kakashi's bedhead. "But who are you?" Rin asks.

"I've answered this question twice."

Minato looks as though he wants to bash his face against the nearest surface. "Your name, perhaps? And how you became corporeal?"

"Oh!" Obito grins. "Tobi's a good boy."

Kakashi looks like he wants to murder somebody, preferably the ghost floating next to him.

"Uh, so your name is Tobi," Rin says slowly.

"But you said your name was—" protests Kakashi, but Obito steamrollers him.

"I am Madara Uchiha. Obey me." Mini-Obito and Rin cringe away in fear at his admittedly terrifying scowl.

"Last I checked, Madara Uchiha had both his eyes and didn't have half his face covered in scars," Minato corrects dryly. "And he was dead. Though, you are a ghost."

"I said, I thought your name was—"

Obito bounces back to a cheerful grin. "My therapist says I probably developed multiple personality disorder. But to be fair, my therapist doesn't have a license. Though he is pretty smart."

"So, ghosts have therapists?" Rin asks, curious.

"Well, he's actually my best friend."

"I thought your name was—" Kakashi complains.

"Oh, and Obito! Stay away from old men hooked to trees who save your life and try to convince you to become evil."

Mini-him gives him a funny look. "If you say so?"

"A dead giveaway is if they're named Madara Uchiha." Obito pauses. "I'm not actually Madara, if you haven't figured that out. He's dead."

"Yeah, we figured," Minato says drolly.

"No, I mean dead."

"And?"

"I thought your name was—"

"Hey, guess what my best friend's name is!"

"That was completely random," Rin tells him. "Is it… Katsu?"

"Starts with a Ka, but no."

"It had better not be Kakashi," growls Kakashi mutinously.

"He got it right!" Obito cheers.

"No way. No way I'm your freaking best friend."

Obito turns his palms upwards nonchalantly. "Can't stop fate!" he singsongs. "Oh, and mini-Kakashi, what was your earlier question?"

"I thought your name was Obito."

Utter silence.

"You got it right!" Obito shouts, throwing his arms into the air. "It is."

"Then Tobi is the most uncreative moniker ever," Kakashi informs him flatly.

"Older-Kakashi said the same thing! But I dare you to face down a group of S-ranked missing nin when they ask you your name. Naturally, they became my minions." Obito attempts to make an evil laugh, and it sounds alright for about five seconds before he breaks off coughing.

"Obito," Minato says slowly.

"Yes?"

"You have problems."

"Thanks for noticing. Being isolated for about a year with no human contact save a greasy old man kind of does that to you. And because of him, I'm half vegetable."

Mini-Obito looks rather queasy.

"How are you half vegetable?" Rin inquires, genuinely curious. (What a medical nerd.)

"You don't want to know. Oh, and by the way, S-ranked missing nin are not good company. I lived under the same roof with nine of them and became the butt monkey to Deidara-senpai. He died, by the way."

"Do I want to know how?" Minato asks delicately.

"He went out with a huge BANG!" The last word, Obito actually shouts loudly. "He literally turned into a bomb the size of a mountain and exploded. Didn't even kill the guy he was fighting, though to be fair, he was a lightning user."

Quickly, Obito checks the watch on his wrist. "Okay, I've only about three minutes. Any questions?"

"Why are you here," Kakashi says, sounding pained.

"To warn you about the future so that you, my best friend, don't become a puddle of angst, Rin doesn't end up becoming a jinchuriki, sensei doesn't end up selling his soul to the devil, and mini-me doesn't become a puddle of evilness and angst."

"Can you go away."

"In about two and a half minutes!"

"Can you do me a favor."

"Depends on what it is."

"Punch the guy who sent you here."

Obito grins. "Sure."

True to his word, two minutes later, ghost Obito poofs out of existence, and Kakashi collapses on the ground in relief.

Four minutes later, a silver-haired ghost takes his place. "Yo!"

.

a/n: unrepentant crack.

I regret nothing

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