Redemption

Alright, so I decided to give this one a try.

For those who are new to my stories, I welcome you and hope you enjoy my work. For those who are familiar with my stories, I welcome you back. Anyway, I wanted to try out the Harry Potter fandom once more and this was the kind of story that I really wanted to do.

Severus Snape is a very interesting character to me from the Harry Potter series. While he is definitely a jerk and has made me wish someone would put the hurt on him, I do have sympathy towards him. There is a reason for why he is like this in the books. He grew up in an environment of parents and friends who had a huge negative impact on him, and was bullied around by those who barely knew him. So, the way I see it, Snape's formation into the cold, heartless being he becomes is largely due to the influence of the world around him. Does that excuse him from the things he has done? No. He is responsible for his actions, but I think people misunderstand the circumstances of the life he was forced to live. When he was put in House Slytherin, he was also put into an environment of people who were against those who weren't pure-blood. And lets not forgot that no one ever gave him the time of day to actually give him a chance or even just try to be friends with him (with the exception of Lily that is). And James Potter and the Marauders most certainly didn't help with their bullying and hatred towards him.

Anyway, I'm getting off track. The story is about Snape during his fifth year at Hogwarts and his realization of what he was becoming when he goes too far with a certain incident involving Lily Evans. I've always fantasied about the idea of 'what-if' Snape had taken the incident more seriously and saw it as a wake-up call that snaps him out of the whole 'pure-blood', 'Lord Voldemort rules', 'Dark Arts' insanity he was believing in. While I did like the concept, I also realized that I needed to expand the story a little more, and decided to add in a few more plot elements and characters to keep it interesting for me to write. So please bare with me as the story goes on, because it will take different turns along the way.

I did originally meant for this to be a 'close-to-canon' type of story, despite it is pretty much an AU telling of Severus, but I've since abandoned the idea of making this a parallel universe. As I got further into developing the story, it became clear I really needed to go off-book for this to work. However, I will be trying to remain true to the canon of the story and events surrounding 1976 and long before. Anything going on after 1976 is out the window.

Also, just to make myself clear, "I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters. They all belong to J.K. Rowling and to Warner Bros."

With that out of the way, please enjoy!

Chapter One:

The Loss of a Friend

Severus Snape sat under a large tree by the Great Lake, reading a book about the Dark Arts that he found in the library. The sun was shining on the surface of the green grass and reflecting off the waters of the lake. No cloud was in the sky and the weather was hot, representing the arrival of summer in June.

Everyone was outside, either sitting in the grass, swimming, playing chase on broomsticks, or even just walking and visiting with their friends. All within the exposure of the sun.

Except for him.

He was never one find welcome comfort in the warm weather or the sun's light. He tried to stick to being in darker environments and within the reach of areas that would allow for him to remain unseen. He couldn't explain it, even if he wanted to, as to why that was. Even others in Slytherin were the same, always preferring the cold and dark, both in more ways than one.

With his back against the trunk of the tree and his legs almost to his chest, he kept his attention to the dark colored book in his hands, never straying his eyes away from it.

"Oi, look over there!" came the one of the very few voices in all of existence that made Snape's heart and mind fill with anger. He dared not to look up, hoping that the person wasn't talking about him.

"This'll liven you up, Padfooot!"

"It's pathetic little Snivellus Snape, himself!"

Already he could hear the footsteps reaching his ears as he groaned to himself and closed the book with a taut. He looked up and saw James Potter and his gang of Marauders, made up of Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, coming right towards him, laughing.

Only Lupin had a fearful expression, looking conflicted with himself.

Reaching for his wand, Severus picked himself off the ground and took a few steps away from the tree, getting his wand ready for a fight.

Just as they were almost to him, Sirius pointed his wand at him, making him raise his own in order to shout Stupefy at his opponent. However, he felt his wand snap out of his hand and onto the ground. He immediately realized that the move was meant to destract him, so that James could cast an Expelliarmus at him.

Before he knew it, James pointed his wand back at him and said, "Impedimenta."

The force of the spell sent him flying against the tree and back onto the dirt below him. Before he had the chance to get up, he felt himself being lift off the ground and into the air, almost as if something was holding him by his leg. He tried in vain to make sure his Hogwarts uniform didn't reveal any undergarments, only to realize in fear that he was beginning to hear chuckling.

The commotion had already gotten the attention of other students, who gathered around in a circle to watch.

Although he didn't have a good sense of his surroundings, he could hear laughter coming from all directions. He spun around a little bit and finally came into view of James Potter, who was smiling at him in a way that only fueled Snape's rage and humiliation.

It soon dawned on him that James had used one of his own spells, Levicorpus, to attack him. It didn't really surprise him all that much, since the spell was no longer a secret. He did use it himself in the Defense of the Dark Arts more than he should have.

"Hey, everyone look!" James yelled over his shoulder to get the attention of everyone around. "Snape's robes haven't been washed yet!"

As if on command, a wave of laughter echoed everywhere.

"Seriously, Snivellus, you really need to get yourself some new clothes. You look like you haven't changed your undergarments in weeks."

The laughter got louder, beginning to sound like loud bells in Severus's ears.

"More like months!" came the voice of Sirius.

"Or years, for that matter!" Peter jumped in.

The only one who didn't do anything was Remus, who had turned away in shame.

In his moment of anger, Severus yelled out all sorts of curse words at his enemies. He failed to realize his vision was blinded by a mist of red and black.

"Wash your mouth!" James said coldly, while still holding that smile of his. He turned around to look the other way, almost as if he was looking for someone. He used his free hand to move his hair around. When he faced Severus again, he shouted, "Scourgify!"

Pink soap bubbles came running out of his mouth and nose, making him gag and choke. Though his lungs begged for air, he dared not to breath in the soap. Even in his anger and moment of panic, he wished for death to take him. He wanted for it all to end right there and then. Finding peace that maybe his death would be the final laugh against James Potter. The act itself would make him a murderer, probably even get him sent to Azkaban. But he immediately remembered that Dumbledore would somehow get him off the hook.

So much for 'no rest for the wicked'.

At the point he thought he was going to faint, he felt the spell weaken its focus on him and stop, allowing for him to breath. Much to both his relief and disappointment.

"What do you say we dip him into the lake until that horrible stench is fully gone?!" James called out to the growing crowd. "Should we Strip and Dip Snape?!"

"STRIP AND DIP SNAPE!"

"STRIP AND DIP SNAPE!"

"STRIP AND DIP SNAPE!"

Even though one of the sides of his robes blinded him, he could feel the eyes of everyone on him and hear the demand of seeing him get stripped of his clothes and repeatedly dipped into the water. He could feel the blood rushing towards his brain and his sight getting more blurry. He could feel his hatred multiplying itself as each second passed. A rage that begged for vengeance against his enemy.

"HEY, LEAVE HIM ALONE, POTTER!" came a girl's voice.

Trying to find the source of the voice, he saw a red-headed girl confronting James. The green eyes of Lily Evans were staring deep into Potter's, almost as if she could burn right through them. Her hands were on her hips and her face was red as a cherry.

"I said 'leave him alone, Potter'!" Lily repeated, looking directly into James's eyes with every sign of great dislike. "Go snog a witch or jump off a cliff for all I care!"

James scoffed and laughed with his friends, with the exception of Remus, who was keeping quiet.

For a single moment, Severus saw Lily smile. It was only for a split of a second, but he saw it. The sight almost sent him into fury, making him wonder if she was trying not to smile at him or James. Either way, it only added more fire to his anger.

"Why do you defend him, Lily? He's just like the rest of those pathetic Slytherins."

"It's Evans, thank you very much! And second, it's not nice to bully him around and violate his privacy just because he's not as popular as you. Besides, what's he ever done to you?"

"Well, it's more of the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean..."

"Let him down!"

Pushing back his hair, James smiled at her, "As you wish."

Almost without warning, Severus felt the force holding his body in the air let go of him. Bracing himself, he felt the hard surface rush up to greet him, and made sure not to land on his head. He could feel his sides and back ache from the impact, but forced himself to keep silent, not wanting to give his opponents the satisfaction of knowing the pain his body was in at the moment.

Though managing to get himself off the ground and dust off the dirt from his robes, he struggled to get himself together. His mind was still swimming in a lake of pure anger from the experience, and his focus was full set on trying to hurt James right at that very second. He pushed aside his oily long black hair from the corners of his eyes and glared at James. He went straight for his wand and snatched it from the ground.

"Sectumsempra!" he whispered, sending the curse at James, hitting him on the cheek.

Crying out in pain, he cupped the side of his face and turned away.

Happy that he was able to show him how serious he was, his small moment of victory was short-lived.

"Oh no, you don't!" Sirius cried out, casting a Impedimenta that sent him flying into the tree again, making him lose his wand once more. As he got up, he found himself under James's wand.

Lily immediately threw herself in front of Potter's wand, her face red with fury once again.

"I won't ask again, Potter! Leave him alone!" she declared.

"Don't make me hex you, Evans," James warned her, before smirking once again. "You know what? I'll make you a deal; go out on a date with me and I promise to leave Snivellus alone for as long as I live. Go on... Go on a date with me! You know you want to."

Lily scoffed, coldly replying, "You think you're so funny, don't you, Potter?! I wouldn't go out on a date with you if it was a choice between you and a giant squid. You're nothing but an arrogant, bullying toerag, James Potter! Now leave him alone!"

"Bad luck, Prongs," Sirius chuckled.

Lily turned to Severus and walked over to him, her hand touching his shoulder.

"Sev, are you alright?"

Severus then turned his attention towards her, keeping the same expression. He witnessed those beautiful eyes start to fill up with fear, not being used to seeing this much anger directed towards her, even though she wasn't the cause or target of it.

"Aw, poor Snivellus," James teased. "He needs help from a girl to fight his battles."

A river of embarrassment, humiliation and anger rushed through him, memories of all the times Lily had to come to his defense against James were revived. His father's beatings also entered his journey down memory lane, only adding more salt to the wound. But it was the memory of witnessing that smile she had just a second ago that pushed him over the edge.

Almost as if his mouth was on auto-pilot, he pushed her hand away from his shoulder and yelled out the words that he never meant to say, "I don't need help from filthy little mudbloods like her!"

Everyone gasped and became silent.

Lily's expression went from fear to shock, then to sadness. Even James had wide eyes.

All the attention was completely on them, waiting to see what would happen next.

The words soon reached Severus's ears, and finally his head. As he processed everything, his anger was beginning to disappear with each passing second. His eyes widened at realization of what he had just called Lily, his one and only best friend. Even from just looking at her eyes could he see what his words were doing to her, seeing the sadness and the damage he had caused. He saw anger within those beautiful green eyes that he loved so much. Anger that was made purposely for him.

And what happened next made his stomach twist into a knot.

Breaking the silence, Lily shook her head and replied, "If that's what you want, Snape, then fine! I won't help or bother you any longer. It's over. Oh, and by the way, I'd wash your pants if I were you... Snivellus."

The last word pierced his heart like a thorn and his mind went blank at the moment. He immediately regretted what he had said, as he tried to call out and beg for her forgiveness, but he was frozen in place, unable to find the strength to do or say anything at that moment. He watched as she turned her back on him and walked into the crowd in front of her, reuniting with her friends on the other side.

As the crowd reformed, he lost sight of her.

It felt like an eternity as he stood there, staring at the same spot that Lily had been. He thought he heard James say something, but he didn't hear it. Everything was dead silent to his ears, including his other senses. He didn't even feel the spell that James casted at him, forcing him on his back. He thought he saw the world spinning before his eyes as he was lifted up into the air by an invisible force and levitated over the lake. As the water awaited him below, he could feel the force letting his body fall to the blue surface.

Over and over again, he was dropped into the lake and then raised back out, only for the process to repeat itself once more. But Severus never took notice of any of this, only feeling what was currently in his heart and soul... regret.

It wasn't long until he was left in water, sinking to the dark bottom below him. There was a part of him that wanted to sink into the abyss and disappear, to let the pain wash away. He could feel a sense of peace being in the lake itself. The sound of the water that calmed him.

Regaining some of his senses, he felt his body beg for air and began swimming towards the surface, breaking through. Letting himself float around, he let his lungs get their fill and looked towards shore, seeing the crowd break apart and also James walking away with his friends, laughing.

Swimming to shore, he allowed himself to fall on his back and let himself rest against the cold, wet ground. Letting everything settle around him, he began to force himself back up and went to retrieve his wand.

Retreating to the Common Room of House Slytherin, he went to the boys bathroom and died his clothes, even taking a shore to get the bad smell off of him.

The rest of the day dragged as he barely walked to dinner in the Great Hall with the rest of his house and couldn't get himself to eat anything. The event played out in his head, over and over. He only stared at his empty plate through the whole feast. Once in a while one of his fellow house members would ask if he was alright, only to receive no response.

By the time dinner was over, he couldn't even remember how he found himself standing outside the stone wall of the dungeons of House Slytherin. He tried to will himself to go in, only to find guilt standing in his way.

Realizing he still had a while until curfew was put into effect, he turned away from the stone entrance and walked through the castle of Hogwarts, finally coming to the seventh floor of where Gryffindor Tower was. He approached the oil painting of the one known as the Fat Lady.

"Oh, a Slytherin!" the Fat Lady screamed. "Shoo! Get out of here! You're not welcomed here!"

Severus ignored her and went to go sit on one of the steps right next to the portrayal, resting his head against the wall he waited. Once in a while he would get a nasty remark from the Fat Lady, who was growing more impatient with his presence.

After a while he heard footsteps coming his way and looked up to find a Gryffindor named Mary McDonald staring at him with surprise in her eyes.

"What are you doing here?"

Snape blinked and replied, "I'm here to apologize to Lily."

"Forget it, Slytherin!" she spat at him, eyes full of anger. "Everyone knows what you called her. You don't deserve her forgiveness."

"Maybe I don't," his words surprised her again. "But I need to do this. Please... all I'm asking is for her to come talk to me, even if I have to sleep right here until morning. I just need to say what I need to say."

Mary glared at him, almost as if she expected him to just get up and walk away. After a few moments of silence, she sighed.

"You aren't kidding about waiting here all night, are you?"

"What do you think!"

Giving an annoyed groan, she walked to the Fat Lady and whispered the password, quickly walking on through.

A few more minutes passed until Snape heard the painting open again, footsteps reaching to where he was sitting.

"What do you want, Snape?"

Looking up, he saw Lily standing over him. As he got up he immediately saw she was aggressive and also tired. A part of him was happy that Mary listened to him, but another was a little scared too. Now he was at a loss of words. The sight of her only made his heart ache even more. He could tell that she had been crying by the puffy red corners of her eyes.

Folding her arms over her night grown, she glared at him.

"If you're not going to get straight to the point, then I might as well go back inside and leave your sorry arse out here, like I should have done."

Getting himself together, Severus tried to keep himself from falling apart in front of her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, almost looking towards the floor.

"I'm not interested."

"I'm sorry," he looked up, his voice getting more serious and loud.

"Save your breath."

Lily continued to stare at him, her expression still aggressive and disdainful. It was unusual to see Lily so angry like this. She had her moments with James Potter, but this was something else.

"The only reason I'm out here is because Mary told me that you threatened to sleep on the steps all night until I came to talk to you. So you better choose your next words very carefully, Snape. Or else I'm leaving."

Nodding, Snape continued.

"I'm sorry. I never meant to call you..." he stopped, unable to say it. "... that word. It just-"

"Slipped out?" she scoffed, showing no pitty anywhere in her voice. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. I tried to explain that you're somehow different from all of the other Slytherins, but this year has opened my eyes. You and your little Death Eater friends- you see, you don't even deny it! You can't wait to join 'You-Know-Who', can you?"

Snape opened his mouth to reply but stopped before he could utter a word. He was totally lost and didn't even know the answer to the question himself. His stomach was beginning to twist again, almost breaking the strength he had to hold back the tears.

Lily slowly laughed in disgust, her eyes starting to form tears as she turned away.

Snape's heart felt like it was being shattered into a million pieces as he heard her cry.

"I'm so sorry, Lily. I didn't mean-"

"-to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Snape. Why should I be any different?"

Severus didn't know how to respond to that. He never gave thought to what the word truly meant to those like Lily. He could barely remember when he started using the word, let alone when he actually did use it. Except for this.

"Lily, please... you're the only friend I have... I... I can't lose you."

Lily turned her head and saw him from the corner of her eye, allowing him to get a glance at the tears for a few seconds.

"It's too late, Snape. You can't change. There's five years of hard evidence to prove it. And I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, and I've chosen mine. This, our friendship, is over."

She walked to the portrait of the Fat Lady and whispered the password. Without looking him straight in the eyes, she whispered, "Goodbye, Snape."

Everything went silent as he watched her disappear from sight, realization fully hitting him straight in the face. It took him a few moments to even begin walking back to the Common Room of his house. The whole time it felt like he was on autopilot mode. Not once did he feel like he was in control of his movements. He felt alienated from his own body.

Once he was back in the Common Room, he didn't even bother going to bed. He instead went straight to the showers once more and turned the water on to full heat. He didn't even feel the burn of the hot water hit against his skin.

Once again, the events of that day played out in his head. It only made his heart tighten in his chest as he remembered every detail. It was slowly sinking in that Lily had officially declared their friendship finished. He had lost the only true friend he had and there was no way he could fix it. He could feel his stomach twisting in a knot again as he leaned his head against the wall.

Sighing to himself, he reached over, grabbed some soap and cleaned himself up for a second time.

Once done, he dried himself off and looked at his clothes on the floor. Wondering how long it had been since he last cleaned them, he took his wand from the ground and casted a cleaning spell, watching as his robes were cleaned by invisible hands in midair. Summoning his pajamas, he dressed for bed and picked up his robes, walking to bed without waking anyone.

Hanging up his robes, he climbed into bed and struggled to go to sleep, his mind still haunted by the events of the day. It took a few more hours until his eyes finally closed and his mind drifted away.

Voices echoed as Severus found himself in a room he didn't remember. In fact, he didn't even remember exactly how he got there. He was supposed to be at Hogwarts, not some muggle room. He looked around and saw a bed, cabinets, a small round table, and also some picture frames hanging on the wall.

He walked up to one of the pictures and looked at it. In it, he saw two men, two women and two boys smiling standing together as they smiled. As he studied it, he began to feel that he knew these people.

"Please, William, don't do this!" came a distant voice.

Severus nearly jumped as he realized he wasn't alone. His first instant thought was to reach for his wand, only to realize it wasn't with him as he found his sides were empty. He slowly moved over towards the door, seeing that it was only slightly open and pulled it back to allow him entrance to a hallway that led to staircase at the end.

"I don't have a choice, Michelle. I can't guarantee your safety being here, or with me! They will not hesitate to kill us if I don't try to do this!" a male voice exclaimed.

Severus slowly walked over to the stairs and looked down, hoping to see what the commotion was about and who was arguing. While he didn't see anyone, he could tell that the conversation was heated and very serious.

"You can hand it over to them!"

"I can't! And even if I did, they will still hunt us down!"

Severus instantly recognized the second voice as a woman's, putting together that they must be the man and woman from the photo he saw.

"Then what about us?! We'll be looking over our shoulders, living in fear! I can't live like that, William! Not again!"

"I don't like this anymore than you do, but there is no other way out of this. I'm cut off from my people, unless if I can find a way back and warn them. But I can't do that while worrying about all of you. All I can do now is make sure that you're all safe. Your brother is in Salem and the most capable of keeping you hidden. He'll be able to protect you and-"

Severus heard something behind him as he stood at the edge of the steps and turned around to find a little boy in pajamas just a couple of feet away, holding a little crocodile stuffed animal against his chest. The two stared at each other, almost as if they recognized one another.

"Do you..." Severus spoke, though it felt like his voice was on auto-pilot. "Do you know what they're talking about?"

The little boy nodded and buried his face into the stuffed crocodile.

"It's a secret. Mommy and daddy told me not to tell anyone..."

Suddenly, everything began to change before him and Severus found himself looking at different images. He saw dark hooded bodies on the ground, including a small pool of blood. He saw green flames all around the house, consuming everything within.

He saw a woman's body turning to ash.

And last, he saw the young boy being grabbed by an unknown, cloaked figure as the house began crumbling before them in flames.

The voices repeated what they said in fast-motion, like echoes down a dark tunnel.

Severus quickly shot up in his bed, his whole chest and face covered in sweat as he breathed heavily. He looked around and realized he was back at Hogwarts, back in the dormitory of House Slytherin. Whether or not he had been mumbling or screaming during his nightmare, he didn't know for sure. But if he did, then at least the silence charm he kept around his bed made sure not to wake the others.

He placed his head between his hands and calmed himself down, getting his breathing under control. As he laid back against the sheets, he couldn't help but remember everything he saw from the dream. But it felt more than just dream, it felt... real.

Okay, so how did I do for the first chapter?

I went through and tried to correct as many grammar errors as I could find, but sadly... I'm not an editor. Everything I do is pretty much just me. So I apologize if there are any misspelled, missing or misplaced words. Also, I deeply apologize for any cheesy or weird dialogue. I try to keep it as close to what a normal human would say.

Not going to lie, I am kinda having a hard time trying to write Lily's character. James was a little easy, considering he is a bully during this time period, but Lily was different. I wanted to show her compassion and loving side, while also showing a side of herself that she has limits and will stand up for herself, even if it means going through heartbreak. But I'm also wanting to show that she does have flaws and that there's a reason why she can't help Severus.

Speaking of Severus, I'm still trying to figure out how to play his character out. I want there to be redemption and show that he still has a caring side of others to him, but I also want to make it more believable and try to show the struggle of his change. Like I said, it's all a work in progress and... oh, please be good! I'm really nervous about this one!

Alright, so enough about me. Thank you for reading and (maybe) I'll see you guys in chapter 2. Take care and have a good day (or night, whatever time it is for you).