A/N: Hello for the last time! This is the conclusion to The Cursed Wakka
Doll. I'm sorry it has to end, y' know? It was a lot of fun working on
this, but frustrating too, 'cause I couldn't get any inspiration. But I
would like to thank each and every one of you guys who reviewed. Except for
those two people who flamed me but didn't say anything that could make my
writing better. Hmm. Anyway, enjoy!
**Quote of the Day** "What matters is being alive! Even if things get tough, there will come a time when we can laugh at them!" - Nuriko (-chan), Fushigi Yuugi by Yu Watase **cries**
Disclaimer: Aw, phooey. Won't I ever own ANYTHING?
!!! WARNING !!! If you have never played Threads of Fate and would like to, there is a spoiler beneath. Rue is a- **gets hit on head**
The Cursed Wakka Doll: written by the mentally deranged MoMo-ChAn
Chapter 14
Cursed Wakka Doll couldn't believe what he was doing. The airship was falling quite fast, but never actually crashed into the land. He wondered about that before the authoress decided that he was thinking too much and wiped his mind. Why did he have the red potion in the crystalline bottle with a winged cap on his back?
****FLASHBACK****
"You mean YOU'RE going to save us?" Tidus asked, amazed.
CWD nodded, then frowned as everyone laughed. "What?" he asked defiantly, "I can't let good Yevonites die without saving Spira, ya!"
"I thought we had already told you," Yuna said patiently, "that we already saved Spira."
"From Sin, ya? But the people's souls need saving, ya? You've corrupted all of them with your evil machina!"
"Hey guys," said Stupid Wakka, pointing out the giant window as clouds rushed past it, "I think we're falling faster now."
"Of course we are!" Tidus cried exuberantly. "It has something to do with gravity and velocity, you know."
"And that something would be . . ." Lulu trailed off.
Tidus shrugged. "I don't know. Never was any good in school."
"You can say that again," Auron muttered, recalling the moments when Tidus would solemnly hand him a report card filled with C's, D's, and the occasional F and then merrily skip off to practice his stupid blitz skills.
"Well," Rikku said, being her impatient self, "none of that matters, y' know?"
CWD was getting impatient. "Just gimme the potion, ya!" Rin frowned. "What if you drop it? You don't exactly have any thumbs."
All of the people on the bridge pondered this while Kimahri and Idiot pressed buttons, deciding that since they were going to die they might as well have fun. (Though a missile that Idiot accidentally launched hit Kilika's temple.) Stupid Wakka, however, decided to be even stupider and turned into Evil Wakka.
"No!" he shouted. "Better to have the machina and the heathens die now, ya?!"
CWD gasped. "But- but what about the Yevonites, ya?"
"They're Al Bhed! They're HEATHENS!"
"They believe in Yevon!"
"Once a heathen always a heathen, ya!" Evil Wakka said firmly.
Nearly everyone watched this exchange between doll and the creator; Kimahri and Idiot in the meanwhile found Cid's secret stash of kettlecorn and a mini-microwave and popped the bag in. Kimahri was now truly happy for Kimahri had found Kimahri's beloved kettlecorn, something that he would die for.
"Kimahri!" Yuna said sharply, "FOCUS!"
Kimahri growled and grabbed his premature kettlecorn and began to feast upon it as he joined the group thinking. Kimahri was once again not happy, even though Rikku had duct taped Evil Wakka's mouth shut. And then Tidus had a breakthrough.
"The duct tape!"
Everyone stared at him. "What?" said Auron harshly, not being much of a fan of tape, remembering when Jecht had oh-so-kindly wrapped him up and stashed him in a closet room in the Kilika Inn. Now that he thought about it, he never did like Jecht or his son.
Tidus explained. "You see, we can duct tape the potion to the doll's back and then he can climb out and refuel the tank, you know?"
Rikku shook her head. "How is he going to stick to the airship walls? More duct tape?"
Tidus nodded. "Exactly! And then he can fill the tank up and save us all!"
Everyone wanted to think of a better plan than the one Tidus had come up with, but came up blank. Hesitantly they all gave into Tidus' idea and began to put tape on the Cursed Wakka Doll.
"But how am I gonna get the potion off my back, ya?"
Evil Wakka made an unintelligible sound and was hit by Kimahri. Obviously, this little scene was ignored because no one likes Wakka. Not even Lulu, who's supposed to- WAIT! NO! I cannot spoil stuff for you guys in FFX-2. Unless you already know. But then you know what I'm talking about while the people who don't know what I'm talking about will wonder what I'm talking about and will buy FFX-2 to understand what I'm talking about. HA! SQUARE-ENIX, I'M PROMOTING STUFF FOR YOU!
Tidus gave him his pocketknife. "Cut it off with this, but make sure you don't drop that potion!"
CWD snatched the pocketknife and tucked it away. He gave everyone the thumbs up sign and walked to the door. He stood in front of it for a full minute before he kicked it and shouted, "YOU STUPID DOOR!"
Auron, Tidus, and Kimahri snickered but went silent at Lulu and Yuna's glares. Yuna went over to the door and opened it for him. After flashing Yuna a grateful smile, he hurried out the door; eager to save lives and go down in Spira history. Which he won't because NO ONE would ever say they were saved by a doll. Except in Threads of Fate but that's something else. Rue looks human so no one except a few choice people actually knew he was a doll of- **gets hit on the head again** I'm sorry. I'll continue the story.
The Cursed Wakka Doll boldly ran through the airship corridors, dodging the psychopathic Yevonites with unsurpassable speed. Pocketknife in hand, he slashed what few got to close and, to his surprise, found pleasure in their howls of pain. Sooner or later, the Yevonites got the idea that the doll would stick them if they got in his way and the parted, like the Red Sea for Moses. Cursed Wakka Doll ran even faster as the airship nose- dived and gravity was pulling him in the opposite direction of the platform thingy. The Yevonites screamed as gravity laughed and pulled them down.
Miraculously, CWD managed to get to the platform and used the duct tape on his hands and feet to move across the airship without falling off. Moving with difficulty because the duct tape liked the outside of the airship, CWD searched for the gasoline tank-opening thing. He covered nearly the whole airship when he finally went to the spot where Cactuar Elio committed suicide. Using the pocketknife, he pried open the rather small opening for gasoline and slashed the duct tape on his back.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
***MEANWHILE***
Everyone was once again slumped into a pile. This was because of gravity. People, as you have seen throughout your life, despise gravity.
"GET OFF OF ME!" Jecht roared in unison with Tidus and Yuna. Now, everyone knew the extent of Jecht and Tidus' rage, but Yuna's rage . . . well that was a different story. Everyone did their best to scramble away from the area where Yuna was but, again, gravity laughed and pulled them back down. A few people caught on fire before people managed to grasp control panels, chairs, and the save sphere.
"Please stop putting people on fire," Lulu said to Yuna, casting Water on Evil Wakka's butt, "it's too dangerous. Blizzard is fine, but not fire."
Yuna growled. "Fire is more painful."
Lulu couldn't argue with that and shrugged as she healed (My Lulu knows white magic!) Wakka's burned behind. Kimahri and Auron, being the best characters in FFX, except for Rin, who is God, were untouched. Rin's hair had been singed, but on closer look was now perfect. Tidus and Jecht looked at their recently healed arms and wondered about what would have happened if the fire had been allowed to burn. Rikku had lost the blue fin/wing things on her back and only Idiot's sheer idiocy saved him from being burnt.
"Um . . . Are we still nose-diving?" Tidus asked, clutching the save sphere.
"YES!" was the collective response. Tidus nodded. "Thought so."
Rikku was sitting in Brother's seat in the cockpit and stared at the blue, blue ocean. "Hey, you think that the Cursed Wakka Doll will make it in time."
There was an uncomfortable silence. "Yes," Yuna said with confidence, breaking the silence. Rin's eyes swiveled towards her. "But how do you know?"
"Simple," Yuna responded, "We cannot die."
This made everyone think. How many times had they gone on suicidal missions and came out pretty much untouched? Excluding that nasty business with Sin and Yunalesca killing Auron and Tidus being a dream of the fayth. But otherwise they had all got out of sticky situations with hardly a scratch. Therefore, unless the destruction they would face would be of cataclysmic levels and would wipe out several thousand lives, anyone and everyone would get out without a scratch.
"Ir . . ." Idiot said, "E drehk dryd'c Bevelle pahaydr ic . . . pid E's hud cina." (Um . . . I think that's Bevelle beneath us . . . but I'm not sure.)
"FRYD?!" Rikku cried in horror, reverting to Al Bhed, "Massa caa!" Leaning in Brother's seat she looked out the giant window and saw nothing other than the big city of Bevelle. "UR CRED! FA'NA KUEHK DU TUCDNUO BEVELLE!" (WHAT?! Lemme see! OH SHIT! WE'RE GOING TO DESTROY BEVELLE!)
Rin hastily translated Rikku and Idiot's words for all to understand. Everyone's eyes widened, even Kimahri's, but that was because he had run out of kettlecorn and all that was left were the unpopped kernels.
"We're gonna crash into Bevelle and die?!" Jecht howled. "But I just came back to life! This isn't fair!"
"Life never is," Auron said flatly. "You should have learned that already."
Jecht glowered at him. Kimahri said, "What now?"
"We'll just have to put our faith in the Cursed Wakka Doll," Rin said. "There is nothing else that we can do."
Everyone nodded and sincerely hoped that there was a major blitz game going on and that the residents of Bevelle had abandoned their homes to go watch. Of course that wasn't true. As it turns out, everyone was home to celebrate Family Day, a newly instituted holiday since nobody in the family had died except of natural causes in two years. How unfortunate that they would all die due to Idiot and Stupid Wakka pushing random buttons!
***TO THE CURSED WAKKA DOLL***
Struggling with the duct tape that held the red potion in the crystalline bottle with the winged cap, the Cursed Wakka Doll contorted and twisted, trying to catch it.
"Damn you, you stupid red potion in a crystalline bottle with a winged cap!" the CWD muttered with fury in his voice. He twisted more and more and more and still completely missed the bottle. Oh my.
***IN BEVELLE***
"I'm so happy that none of us has died at-"
"Hey, Dad?"
"Yes son?"
"Isn't that the airship plummeting towards us at an incredible speed?"
"Honey, grab the kids and whatever valuable items you have. We're going to the Calm Lands! HURRY!"
***ON TOP OF THE AIRSHIP**
The Cursed Wakka Doll was still struggling with the potion as the wind screamed as the airship continued its doomed descent into Bevelle. The CWD was suddenly struck with inspiration and he did what nobody has done at all in the duration of this fanfic.
He did the prayer.
Immediately after the prayer, the potion bottle practically fell into his hands, ripe and ready to save the day. The CWD now had another dilemma to face. The cap would not come off! And he could not put the potion down to do the prayer or it would fall off and everyone would die! And he couldn't let the airship crash into Bevelle! Do you know what Bevelle is? It's the home of YEVON! OK, it never was, Zanarkand was, but why shatter the doll's belief? It's sad enough that he's a Yevonite. After all, the maesters were situated in Bevelle and they were supposed to be acolytes of Yevon, so it's all-good.
Using his teeth, CWD tried to yank off the cap in order to open the bottle. It would not come off! Cursing Rin, he looked at the bottle. All it said was: Lremtbnuuv lyb. Du ubyh: bicr tufh yht dinh du dra nekrd. Du lmuca: dinh du dra mavd. (Childproof cap. To open: push down and turn to the right. To close: turn to the left.) Just his luck! He didn't know how to speak Al Bhed! Or read it! And everyone was gonna die! This would be such a huge tragedy! What was he going to do?! WHAT?!
Cursed Wakka Doll did what anyone else in his position would do. Pushed the cap down and turned it to the right. Miraculously, the cap popped off and the CWD allowed it to fall down and harmless bounce off the temple, where it then plummeted and killed a priest who was plotting to kill Meyvan Nooj of the Youth League. YAY!
"Now," Cursed Wakka Doll said, "everyone will be saved, ya!"
He poured all the contents of the potion into the gas tank and waited.
***TO THE BRIDGE***
Buttons that had gone dim suddenly brightened and gravity howled in sadness for the airship's auto pilot took over and righted the ship, barely missing crashing into the city, though the stern managed to knock off the top of Bevelle's temple. Everyone let out a huge sigh and sank to the ground. The Cursed Wakka Doll burst into the bridge, beaming.
"Hey, I saved Bevelle, ya!" he cried.
"Yes you did," Yuna said.
Rin was patting his sides and took out yet another red potion in a crystalline bottle with a winged cap. "Ah," he said, "I thought I had another one of these."
"What the hell is that anyway?" Jecht asked, his legs stabilizing.
"It is a potion to banish Wakka's evilness away."
All of them looked at the unconscious Wakka. He looked pretty harmless and that stuff did look kinda poisonous . . .
"What happens if we pour it on him?" Tidus asked.
Rin shrugged. "I don't know. This is just a prototype."
"Use it," Kimahri said. Kimahri didn't care what happened to Gravity Defying Red Hair Man. Gravity Defying Red Hair Man annoying.
Idiot said, "Drana'c hudrehk fa lyh tu. Fa lisd ica dra budeuh uh Wakka. Ihmacc fa fyhd ajanouha du cdyo yc yh Al Bhed Yevonite." Everyone stared at Idiot as an open-mouthed Rikku translated his words. (There's nothing we can do. We must use the potion on Wakka. Unless we want everyone to stay as an Al Bhed Yevonite.)
"Idiot," Rikku said slowly, "Tet oui cyo cusadrehk csynd?" (Did you say something smart?)
Idiot shrugged.
"You heard him," Auron said, "we have to use the potion."
"Wait!" the Cursed Wakka Doll cried, "What happens after you give him the potion? What'll happen to me?"
"You'll stop being alive," Rin said flatly.
Everyone avoided eye contact with the doll as he scanned the room. He hung his cloth head in sorrow. "It's OK, ya? Go ahead."
Looking sadly at the doll, Rin opened the potion bottle. Carefully, he approached Wakka, poised to pour it on him. His hand trembled and everyone held his or her breath. Rin tipped the bottle over and it's contents splashed all over Wakka. The Cursed Wakka Doll seized up and fell over limp, it's eyes dark and glassy. The Al Bhed Yevonites flashed gold and then all were in a pile, normal as can be, Cid at the bottom.
Wakka woke up, his stupidity somewhat diminished. "Ya?" he said drowsily.
"GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!" Everyone cheered as they heard Normal Wakka and Cid's voices! The nightmare was over!
"Is . . ." Idiot said, "E druikrd dryd dra airship fuimt uhmo pa eh dra yen vun y crund desa . . ." (Um . . . I thought that the airship would only be in the air for a short time . . .). Everyone ignored Idiot for the door had opened and everyone cheered and was all happy and gunk with a seriously confused Wakka and a couple people gaping at the now alive Jecht and all that mushy yucky stuff that we don't like. Kimahri, however, bent over and picked up the limp doll. Kimahri didn't hate Stupid Doll all that much . . . He tucked the doll in a secret pocket with the rest of the gil and celebrated with the others.
***AFTER A WHILE***
Kimahri had left Besaid and returned to Gagazet. Jecht moved to Luca. Auron decided to travel all over Spira for no apparent reason. Wakka moved in with Lulu. Tidus and Yuna were their neighbors and often played tricks on them, like setting their house on fire. Rikku traveled all over Spira as a sphere hunter.
Deep in a cave in Gagazet, the Cursed Wakka Doll stood propped up against a stone in a small altar. The light of the candles reflected off of his glass eyes and made him look alive. There he stands to this day, a tribute to psychotic Yevonite-ness and randomness everywhere. Unfortunately, a couple of straggler humans saw him and believed him to be a God, starting the Doll Religion, a sort of cult that spread all over Spira and was later quashed when Wakka went to the site of the Doll and took him away.
*****THE END*****
A/N: Yes, a corny ending to all. I had wanted to destroy Bevelle temple, but I like Bahamut's fayth too much. Finally, this fic is over. If any of you don't like it, well . . . Screw you. I'm tired of this fic and my head hurts from trying to make it funny. You try it. Anyone who wants to take elements of this fic and use it in their own has my permission. God bless you all and remember: If it doesn't say "ya" it's probably safe. ~_^ Love ya! Don't forget to review!
Oh yeah, I'm gonna have a new fic called The Trial. If you see it, please read it. That's all!
MoMo-ChAn (@_@)
**Quote of the Day** "What matters is being alive! Even if things get tough, there will come a time when we can laugh at them!" - Nuriko (-chan), Fushigi Yuugi by Yu Watase **cries**
Disclaimer: Aw, phooey. Won't I ever own ANYTHING?
!!! WARNING !!! If you have never played Threads of Fate and would like to, there is a spoiler beneath. Rue is a- **gets hit on head**
The Cursed Wakka Doll: written by the mentally deranged MoMo-ChAn
Chapter 14
Cursed Wakka Doll couldn't believe what he was doing. The airship was falling quite fast, but never actually crashed into the land. He wondered about that before the authoress decided that he was thinking too much and wiped his mind. Why did he have the red potion in the crystalline bottle with a winged cap on his back?
****FLASHBACK****
"You mean YOU'RE going to save us?" Tidus asked, amazed.
CWD nodded, then frowned as everyone laughed. "What?" he asked defiantly, "I can't let good Yevonites die without saving Spira, ya!"
"I thought we had already told you," Yuna said patiently, "that we already saved Spira."
"From Sin, ya? But the people's souls need saving, ya? You've corrupted all of them with your evil machina!"
"Hey guys," said Stupid Wakka, pointing out the giant window as clouds rushed past it, "I think we're falling faster now."
"Of course we are!" Tidus cried exuberantly. "It has something to do with gravity and velocity, you know."
"And that something would be . . ." Lulu trailed off.
Tidus shrugged. "I don't know. Never was any good in school."
"You can say that again," Auron muttered, recalling the moments when Tidus would solemnly hand him a report card filled with C's, D's, and the occasional F and then merrily skip off to practice his stupid blitz skills.
"Well," Rikku said, being her impatient self, "none of that matters, y' know?"
CWD was getting impatient. "Just gimme the potion, ya!" Rin frowned. "What if you drop it? You don't exactly have any thumbs."
All of the people on the bridge pondered this while Kimahri and Idiot pressed buttons, deciding that since they were going to die they might as well have fun. (Though a missile that Idiot accidentally launched hit Kilika's temple.) Stupid Wakka, however, decided to be even stupider and turned into Evil Wakka.
"No!" he shouted. "Better to have the machina and the heathens die now, ya?!"
CWD gasped. "But- but what about the Yevonites, ya?"
"They're Al Bhed! They're HEATHENS!"
"They believe in Yevon!"
"Once a heathen always a heathen, ya!" Evil Wakka said firmly.
Nearly everyone watched this exchange between doll and the creator; Kimahri and Idiot in the meanwhile found Cid's secret stash of kettlecorn and a mini-microwave and popped the bag in. Kimahri was now truly happy for Kimahri had found Kimahri's beloved kettlecorn, something that he would die for.
"Kimahri!" Yuna said sharply, "FOCUS!"
Kimahri growled and grabbed his premature kettlecorn and began to feast upon it as he joined the group thinking. Kimahri was once again not happy, even though Rikku had duct taped Evil Wakka's mouth shut. And then Tidus had a breakthrough.
"The duct tape!"
Everyone stared at him. "What?" said Auron harshly, not being much of a fan of tape, remembering when Jecht had oh-so-kindly wrapped him up and stashed him in a closet room in the Kilika Inn. Now that he thought about it, he never did like Jecht or his son.
Tidus explained. "You see, we can duct tape the potion to the doll's back and then he can climb out and refuel the tank, you know?"
Rikku shook her head. "How is he going to stick to the airship walls? More duct tape?"
Tidus nodded. "Exactly! And then he can fill the tank up and save us all!"
Everyone wanted to think of a better plan than the one Tidus had come up with, but came up blank. Hesitantly they all gave into Tidus' idea and began to put tape on the Cursed Wakka Doll.
"But how am I gonna get the potion off my back, ya?"
Evil Wakka made an unintelligible sound and was hit by Kimahri. Obviously, this little scene was ignored because no one likes Wakka. Not even Lulu, who's supposed to- WAIT! NO! I cannot spoil stuff for you guys in FFX-2. Unless you already know. But then you know what I'm talking about while the people who don't know what I'm talking about will wonder what I'm talking about and will buy FFX-2 to understand what I'm talking about. HA! SQUARE-ENIX, I'M PROMOTING STUFF FOR YOU!
Tidus gave him his pocketknife. "Cut it off with this, but make sure you don't drop that potion!"
CWD snatched the pocketknife and tucked it away. He gave everyone the thumbs up sign and walked to the door. He stood in front of it for a full minute before he kicked it and shouted, "YOU STUPID DOOR!"
Auron, Tidus, and Kimahri snickered but went silent at Lulu and Yuna's glares. Yuna went over to the door and opened it for him. After flashing Yuna a grateful smile, he hurried out the door; eager to save lives and go down in Spira history. Which he won't because NO ONE would ever say they were saved by a doll. Except in Threads of Fate but that's something else. Rue looks human so no one except a few choice people actually knew he was a doll of- **gets hit on the head again** I'm sorry. I'll continue the story.
The Cursed Wakka Doll boldly ran through the airship corridors, dodging the psychopathic Yevonites with unsurpassable speed. Pocketknife in hand, he slashed what few got to close and, to his surprise, found pleasure in their howls of pain. Sooner or later, the Yevonites got the idea that the doll would stick them if they got in his way and the parted, like the Red Sea for Moses. Cursed Wakka Doll ran even faster as the airship nose- dived and gravity was pulling him in the opposite direction of the platform thingy. The Yevonites screamed as gravity laughed and pulled them down.
Miraculously, CWD managed to get to the platform and used the duct tape on his hands and feet to move across the airship without falling off. Moving with difficulty because the duct tape liked the outside of the airship, CWD searched for the gasoline tank-opening thing. He covered nearly the whole airship when he finally went to the spot where Cactuar Elio committed suicide. Using the pocketknife, he pried open the rather small opening for gasoline and slashed the duct tape on his back.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
***MEANWHILE***
Everyone was once again slumped into a pile. This was because of gravity. People, as you have seen throughout your life, despise gravity.
"GET OFF OF ME!" Jecht roared in unison with Tidus and Yuna. Now, everyone knew the extent of Jecht and Tidus' rage, but Yuna's rage . . . well that was a different story. Everyone did their best to scramble away from the area where Yuna was but, again, gravity laughed and pulled them back down. A few people caught on fire before people managed to grasp control panels, chairs, and the save sphere.
"Please stop putting people on fire," Lulu said to Yuna, casting Water on Evil Wakka's butt, "it's too dangerous. Blizzard is fine, but not fire."
Yuna growled. "Fire is more painful."
Lulu couldn't argue with that and shrugged as she healed (My Lulu knows white magic!) Wakka's burned behind. Kimahri and Auron, being the best characters in FFX, except for Rin, who is God, were untouched. Rin's hair had been singed, but on closer look was now perfect. Tidus and Jecht looked at their recently healed arms and wondered about what would have happened if the fire had been allowed to burn. Rikku had lost the blue fin/wing things on her back and only Idiot's sheer idiocy saved him from being burnt.
"Um . . . Are we still nose-diving?" Tidus asked, clutching the save sphere.
"YES!" was the collective response. Tidus nodded. "Thought so."
Rikku was sitting in Brother's seat in the cockpit and stared at the blue, blue ocean. "Hey, you think that the Cursed Wakka Doll will make it in time."
There was an uncomfortable silence. "Yes," Yuna said with confidence, breaking the silence. Rin's eyes swiveled towards her. "But how do you know?"
"Simple," Yuna responded, "We cannot die."
This made everyone think. How many times had they gone on suicidal missions and came out pretty much untouched? Excluding that nasty business with Sin and Yunalesca killing Auron and Tidus being a dream of the fayth. But otherwise they had all got out of sticky situations with hardly a scratch. Therefore, unless the destruction they would face would be of cataclysmic levels and would wipe out several thousand lives, anyone and everyone would get out without a scratch.
"Ir . . ." Idiot said, "E drehk dryd'c Bevelle pahaydr ic . . . pid E's hud cina." (Um . . . I think that's Bevelle beneath us . . . but I'm not sure.)
"FRYD?!" Rikku cried in horror, reverting to Al Bhed, "Massa caa!" Leaning in Brother's seat she looked out the giant window and saw nothing other than the big city of Bevelle. "UR CRED! FA'NA KUEHK DU TUCDNUO BEVELLE!" (WHAT?! Lemme see! OH SHIT! WE'RE GOING TO DESTROY BEVELLE!)
Rin hastily translated Rikku and Idiot's words for all to understand. Everyone's eyes widened, even Kimahri's, but that was because he had run out of kettlecorn and all that was left were the unpopped kernels.
"We're gonna crash into Bevelle and die?!" Jecht howled. "But I just came back to life! This isn't fair!"
"Life never is," Auron said flatly. "You should have learned that already."
Jecht glowered at him. Kimahri said, "What now?"
"We'll just have to put our faith in the Cursed Wakka Doll," Rin said. "There is nothing else that we can do."
Everyone nodded and sincerely hoped that there was a major blitz game going on and that the residents of Bevelle had abandoned their homes to go watch. Of course that wasn't true. As it turns out, everyone was home to celebrate Family Day, a newly instituted holiday since nobody in the family had died except of natural causes in two years. How unfortunate that they would all die due to Idiot and Stupid Wakka pushing random buttons!
***TO THE CURSED WAKKA DOLL***
Struggling with the duct tape that held the red potion in the crystalline bottle with the winged cap, the Cursed Wakka Doll contorted and twisted, trying to catch it.
"Damn you, you stupid red potion in a crystalline bottle with a winged cap!" the CWD muttered with fury in his voice. He twisted more and more and more and still completely missed the bottle. Oh my.
***IN BEVELLE***
"I'm so happy that none of us has died at-"
"Hey, Dad?"
"Yes son?"
"Isn't that the airship plummeting towards us at an incredible speed?"
"Honey, grab the kids and whatever valuable items you have. We're going to the Calm Lands! HURRY!"
***ON TOP OF THE AIRSHIP**
The Cursed Wakka Doll was still struggling with the potion as the wind screamed as the airship continued its doomed descent into Bevelle. The CWD was suddenly struck with inspiration and he did what nobody has done at all in the duration of this fanfic.
He did the prayer.
Immediately after the prayer, the potion bottle practically fell into his hands, ripe and ready to save the day. The CWD now had another dilemma to face. The cap would not come off! And he could not put the potion down to do the prayer or it would fall off and everyone would die! And he couldn't let the airship crash into Bevelle! Do you know what Bevelle is? It's the home of YEVON! OK, it never was, Zanarkand was, but why shatter the doll's belief? It's sad enough that he's a Yevonite. After all, the maesters were situated in Bevelle and they were supposed to be acolytes of Yevon, so it's all-good.
Using his teeth, CWD tried to yank off the cap in order to open the bottle. It would not come off! Cursing Rin, he looked at the bottle. All it said was: Lremtbnuuv lyb. Du ubyh: bicr tufh yht dinh du dra nekrd. Du lmuca: dinh du dra mavd. (Childproof cap. To open: push down and turn to the right. To close: turn to the left.) Just his luck! He didn't know how to speak Al Bhed! Or read it! And everyone was gonna die! This would be such a huge tragedy! What was he going to do?! WHAT?!
Cursed Wakka Doll did what anyone else in his position would do. Pushed the cap down and turned it to the right. Miraculously, the cap popped off and the CWD allowed it to fall down and harmless bounce off the temple, where it then plummeted and killed a priest who was plotting to kill Meyvan Nooj of the Youth League. YAY!
"Now," Cursed Wakka Doll said, "everyone will be saved, ya!"
He poured all the contents of the potion into the gas tank and waited.
***TO THE BRIDGE***
Buttons that had gone dim suddenly brightened and gravity howled in sadness for the airship's auto pilot took over and righted the ship, barely missing crashing into the city, though the stern managed to knock off the top of Bevelle's temple. Everyone let out a huge sigh and sank to the ground. The Cursed Wakka Doll burst into the bridge, beaming.
"Hey, I saved Bevelle, ya!" he cried.
"Yes you did," Yuna said.
Rin was patting his sides and took out yet another red potion in a crystalline bottle with a winged cap. "Ah," he said, "I thought I had another one of these."
"What the hell is that anyway?" Jecht asked, his legs stabilizing.
"It is a potion to banish Wakka's evilness away."
All of them looked at the unconscious Wakka. He looked pretty harmless and that stuff did look kinda poisonous . . .
"What happens if we pour it on him?" Tidus asked.
Rin shrugged. "I don't know. This is just a prototype."
"Use it," Kimahri said. Kimahri didn't care what happened to Gravity Defying Red Hair Man. Gravity Defying Red Hair Man annoying.
Idiot said, "Drana'c hudrehk fa lyh tu. Fa lisd ica dra budeuh uh Wakka. Ihmacc fa fyhd ajanouha du cdyo yc yh Al Bhed Yevonite." Everyone stared at Idiot as an open-mouthed Rikku translated his words. (There's nothing we can do. We must use the potion on Wakka. Unless we want everyone to stay as an Al Bhed Yevonite.)
"Idiot," Rikku said slowly, "Tet oui cyo cusadrehk csynd?" (Did you say something smart?)
Idiot shrugged.
"You heard him," Auron said, "we have to use the potion."
"Wait!" the Cursed Wakka Doll cried, "What happens after you give him the potion? What'll happen to me?"
"You'll stop being alive," Rin said flatly.
Everyone avoided eye contact with the doll as he scanned the room. He hung his cloth head in sorrow. "It's OK, ya? Go ahead."
Looking sadly at the doll, Rin opened the potion bottle. Carefully, he approached Wakka, poised to pour it on him. His hand trembled and everyone held his or her breath. Rin tipped the bottle over and it's contents splashed all over Wakka. The Cursed Wakka Doll seized up and fell over limp, it's eyes dark and glassy. The Al Bhed Yevonites flashed gold and then all were in a pile, normal as can be, Cid at the bottom.
Wakka woke up, his stupidity somewhat diminished. "Ya?" he said drowsily.
"GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!" Everyone cheered as they heard Normal Wakka and Cid's voices! The nightmare was over!
"Is . . ." Idiot said, "E druikrd dryd dra airship fuimt uhmo pa eh dra yen vun y crund desa . . ." (Um . . . I thought that the airship would only be in the air for a short time . . .). Everyone ignored Idiot for the door had opened and everyone cheered and was all happy and gunk with a seriously confused Wakka and a couple people gaping at the now alive Jecht and all that mushy yucky stuff that we don't like. Kimahri, however, bent over and picked up the limp doll. Kimahri didn't hate Stupid Doll all that much . . . He tucked the doll in a secret pocket with the rest of the gil and celebrated with the others.
***AFTER A WHILE***
Kimahri had left Besaid and returned to Gagazet. Jecht moved to Luca. Auron decided to travel all over Spira for no apparent reason. Wakka moved in with Lulu. Tidus and Yuna were their neighbors and often played tricks on them, like setting their house on fire. Rikku traveled all over Spira as a sphere hunter.
Deep in a cave in Gagazet, the Cursed Wakka Doll stood propped up against a stone in a small altar. The light of the candles reflected off of his glass eyes and made him look alive. There he stands to this day, a tribute to psychotic Yevonite-ness and randomness everywhere. Unfortunately, a couple of straggler humans saw him and believed him to be a God, starting the Doll Religion, a sort of cult that spread all over Spira and was later quashed when Wakka went to the site of the Doll and took him away.
*****THE END*****
A/N: Yes, a corny ending to all. I had wanted to destroy Bevelle temple, but I like Bahamut's fayth too much. Finally, this fic is over. If any of you don't like it, well . . . Screw you. I'm tired of this fic and my head hurts from trying to make it funny. You try it. Anyone who wants to take elements of this fic and use it in their own has my permission. God bless you all and remember: If it doesn't say "ya" it's probably safe. ~_^ Love ya! Don't forget to review!
Oh yeah, I'm gonna have a new fic called The Trial. If you see it, please read it. That's all!
MoMo-ChAn (@_@)