Yeah. It's me. That one guy who wrote that one story. I'm bringing you a late Christmas present. Ho ho ho! But first… I think… we should read the comments.

"Make another chapter or ill kill u and ur hamster pls"

Well Anon reviewer, I don't have a pet hamster, or any pets for that matter. I'm sure you were just joking anyway. Thank you all for your patience.

Okay. That's enough of that. I know it's been a long wait and I wanted to get this chapter out before the year ends.

It seems like more redemption stories have begun popping up, with characters being sent back in time to compete on a season again. So far I've seen:

- Harold in 'Harold's Hunt for Redemption'

- Courtney in 'Courtney's Crusade for Redemption'

- Ezekiel in 'A Canadian's Redemption'

- Alejandro in 'TotAlejandro Island', which is actually my story, which makes this a shameless self-plug.

Can we get one for every character?

Now that we've got that super-long intro over with, let's move on to what you're here for: the actual chapter content.

People who try these stunts at home will be made to kiss a fish and will then be promptly slapped with said fish.

- Chapter xxxiii -

Destination 8 (Part Three) - Home of the Host

Current Venue: The Atlantic Ocean

Geographical Location: St. John's, Newfoundland and Labrador [Canada]

Hi, I'm Noah, and this is Total Drama. I compete here with my friends and my enemy, Alejandro. Everyone playing here has a story and a motive. One thing I've learned after three seasons - you never know what challenges you're going to face.

For example, the current one involved kissing fish.

Team Chris (or rather just Izzy) had deciphered the next saying, which was "The worst thing you can have in your head is no teeth".

I still maintain that he said something about Owen's butt. However, Chris let the duo move on. This meant we were all square.

Our not-so-friendly neighborhood host-man had decided to give us a short break before the next challenge. I took the time to go outside and take care of some unfinished business.

I could only wonder what The Amazons were doing or experiencing right now. They were stranded out at sea like Pi from 'Life of Pi'.

"Just where exactly have you been?" Chris asked me.

I stared at him

"I uh… went to check up on the other team." I blurted out.

Sounded super convincing there, hotshot.

"What are you hiding, Noah?" Chris asked suspiciously.

Was he accusing me of something? Oh dear.

"I'm just kidding. I don't care. It's challenge time." Chris said.

Oh thank goodness.

"So when you said 'Can I use the bathroom?', that was actually you asking to use the bathroom?" Chris asked.

"Well… yeah. I guess." I said.

"Don't worry about the Amazons. I'm keeping tabs on em." Chris said. "Our sources know exactly where they are."

I'm not sure if I should be calmed or concerned with that news.

"Okay. We've got no time to lose." Chris said. "Contestants, back in seating positions."

All of us did as told because... why not?

Chris had also let Heather join us to watch the ending of the challenge.

"Noah, I don't like you. I think you're a fake." Trent said.

"Wow. Color me surprised." I said.

"If we were in the wild, I would go out of my way to attack you, even if you weren't in my food chain. If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and frickin' eat you! Then, I'd bang your tuna girlfriend!"

"Right. Let's analyze what you just said, okay?" I asked. "You gotta remember that some tuna can grow to be pretty huge. Oh, and they're also carnivores."

"Before that though, a lion... swimming in the ocean? Lions don't like water. It would make sense if you placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source. Nope. You decided you want to be stranded in the ocean. If you find yourself in the ocean with waves as high as twenty feet, I'm assuming off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full grown 800-pound tuna with his twenty or so friends, you would almost certainly lose that battle. It's a nine out of ten chance."

"Congratulations. You just lost at your own game. You're outmanned and hopelessly outgunned."

"You could have avoided this if you just said 'shrimp' or 'goldfish', but no, you just had to pick tuna."

I paused to observe Trent's shocked expression.

"Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go?" I asked condescendingly.

At that, he left me to my devices.

"We now move on to the third and final part." Chris announced to the seven of us.

"It's cod time." Chris said.

"I love cod!" Tyler cheered.

"No, not Call of Duty, you moron." Trent said.

Still no sign of Team Amazon anywhere.

"Yo, Chef!" Chris called.

A horrible yet familiar stench filled the air. The distinct scent of fish. Yuck.

In came Chef with a wooden cloth clip on his nose. He grabbed three fish from the bucket he was holding and tossed them all on the table.

"All you gotta do is smooch the cod for the win." Chris said.

"...and remember, guys, like you mean it." He said.

The host winked while his cousin made a kissy face.

Ew. I really wish he didn't say that last part.

"Wow. I'm almost glad our team is out." Heather said. "Almost."

Chef handed out the fish to Tyler, DJ, and Owen.

"I dream of a world where human beings and fish can coexist peacefully." Chris said. "You guys give me hope."

Huh. Something smelt fishy here. No pun intended.

"Tyler, time to pucker up." He told the jock.

"I don't think I can do this." Tyler protested. "It's a fish."

I don't blame him. Heck, even Owen looked a bit put off.

"I can't either." DJ said. "If I touch it, something bad is gonna happen. I just know it."

"Stuff like this is why Total Drama is banned at my Aunt Clarissa's house." I said.

"What? It's people kissing fish." Chris said. "I bet those hippies over at PETA will love it."

"I think your Aunt was right to block this show." Owen told me.

"What's wrong? The big strong men afraid of kissing a fish?" Heather asked us in a taunting manner.

Izzy, on the other hand, looked primed for viewing some man on fish action.

"Fish… why did it have to be fish?" Tyler asked.

"DJ, I can stay silent no longer." Alejandro said. "My biggest concern is for the animals of the world. You must end this."

Oh, he was good.

Chris would later, in this very episode, refer to him as "a reality producer's dream and everybody else's nightmare."

Fair enough.

However, I was better.

It was up to me to break this deadlock. This was where I played my trap card. I went up to DJ and told him something in his ear so that no one else could hear it.

Heather studied us intently, but I knew even she couldn't make out what I said.

"Well… I guess I… maybe…" DJ said, looking at the fish.

"Awww… never mind that you're just the cutest little thing in the world, aren'tcha?" He asked the fish.

"Close your eyes." I heard Alejandro tell Tyler "Think of Lindsay."

That probably wouldn't work on me, but hey, I can't fault the guy for trying to help us win.

I still wanted to win the challenge. First Class and nothing less. I couldn't stand staying in Economy Class much longer.

"Fishy fishy want kissy kissy." Owen said.

I mean, the guy will eat anything. Was this really a surprise?

At once, all three of the big strong men started kissing their respective fishes. I don't know how they did it. I guess closing your eyes makes it easier.

I wanted to close my eyes right then as well.

"Okay. We've seen enough." Chris said, as the fish kissing fest stopped.

Owen kissed the fish and then he kissed Izzy. Not sure how I felt about that.

One still had to respect Izzy and Owen for doing all three challenges themselves, whereas we had them spread out among our team members.

Tyler, DJ, and Owen all got down off their tables.

"So… did we win?" Owen asked the host.

"It's a tie. A draw." Chris said.

"Man, you guys will do anything to win." The host continued. "I'm not sure if I should feel disgusted or proud."

Before the man could make up his mind, who should come bursting into the room out of breath but Team Amazon?

Courtney, Gwen, Sierra, and Cody were all panting heavily.

"Hey, right on time." Chris said. "Team Amazon, you are today's full-on, big-time, can't-get-any-bigger losers!"

"Courtney! Where were you?" Heather asked, storming up to the CIT.

To say she was angry would be an understatement.

"Amazons, it looks like your team is kaput!" Chris said, inciting groans from said team.

"Also, dang it. I should have said that back in Germany." He added.

Heather was furious. The whole team was arguing among themselves. Even Cody and Sierra got involved and the rest of us had no idea what was going on.

Meanwhile, Chris was standing by gleefully watching the drama happening before his eyes. He was waiting for the perfect moment to strike. I could tell.

"I am so voting you off!" Heather said.

This was it.

"Except that in celebration of my home and native land, this is a reward challenge only." Chris said. "No elimination."

At this, every one of the Amazons looked happy except Heather.

"Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot, and Epic are tied for a reward: a delicious clam and fish chowder supper!"

At this, we all cheered.

We finally won! It was the first challenge that I won with my new team!

Okay, we didn't win outright, but it was still a victory nonetheless.

The Amazons had been largely god-playing their way through this game, much like they did originally. My guess is that they would have axed Heather first unless someone else on the team royally screwed up.

Although oddly enough, Heather was the first Team Amazon member to make it to shore, so arguably she was the least deserving of the boot based on this challenge alone.

I guess it didn't matter now anyway.

Well, of all the challenges I've taken part in, this was definitely one of them.

We ate our supper in the boathouse.

DJ came up to me.

"Thanks again, Noah." The big guy told me."It's been two hours and I haven't hurt one animal. I'm back in the game!"

"No problem, dude." I said.

The ends justify the means, I suppose.

"Hey, this show doesn't revolve around you, okay?" Trent said. "Do you think this is 'The World Tour According to Noah' or something?"

"Wait, you've read that book?" I asked him.

"Huh? What book?"

"Garp." I said.

"What?"

"The World According to-"

"You mean 'The Amazing World of Gumball'?" Owen asked. "I love that show!"

"Never mind." I said.

Damn it.

"This feels kinda clammy." Trent told me, eating his chowder.

"Hey, I'll eat yours if you don't want it." I said.

I was kidding, of course. I just wanted Trent to get back to eating.

Owen was happily wolfing down his chowder and I smiled.

I admit, getting the knife to carve a design on the fish was a bit difficult, almost as difficult as the carving itself. I managed to sneak it from Heather when she wasn't looking. Forced to shuck clams? Shucks to be you!

Did I feel remorse for knifing a fish? Somewhat, but come on. They were fish out of water anyway.

Kind of like me ever since Chris moved me to this blasted team.

I probably could have done something else, but if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Besides, a marker wouldn't be able to write on a fish anyway. No clue how Alejandro managed to do it in the original timeline.

We had won, but I began thinking about my predicament. I had to get back with Izzy somehow. Perhaps I could just dump Gwen and call it quits with her.

One, I would make me seem like a jerk in the eyes of some people. Another, I didn't want to hurt Gwen's feelings. She's still an awesome person and I wanted to be friends with her after this ordeal was over.

I could think about other stuff later. For now, I just wanted to enjoy the moment.

At least, I wish I could.

How could I enjoy it?

This whole show was just a pitch from the Canadian government for a more insidious form of entertainment.

Looking back at Courtney's unfair elimination on the original run of TDI (which I had stopped), something was fishy, and it wasn't the prank. Chris had allowed Harold to stay despite the fact that there was video evidence of him cheating just to boost ratings. Sinister forces had definitely been at play there.

They all knew about what Harold did and had all the right in the world to eliminate him instead of Courtney, but the host didn't.

So in the end, Harold didn't screw Courtney over.

Chris and The Board did.

The gosh darn Board. When I wasn't participating in a challenge or having a freaky nightmare or almost dying, I almost exclusively thought of them.

I had to discover the hidden truths and dark secrets behind this show.

They were no doubt watching our every move.

To relax would mean to let your guard down. I couldn't afford to slip up.

"My socks! That's where those went!" Owen exclaimed.

… and there goes my appetite.

I was still thinking about The Board when we boarded the Jumbo Jet.

I could only grimace as I imagined of a couple of big-shot men and women puffing their cigars with their feet propped up on the table, counting all the cash that flowed into their hands. These were dark minds at work. I figured if they could be rich enough to give away a million dollars on an already expensive show, they could do pretty much anything. They could control the censors. They had the power and money to make animal and human rights activists look the other way. PETA? OSHA? Greenpeace? FCC? Yeah, right.

NGOs, censors, and lawyers posed no threat. As for the Canadian government, well… some members of The Board were probably government officials themselves. Everyone's got a price. The Board would either threaten opponents' jobs and livelihoods or just pay off people to keep their mouths shut.

We were all gathered in the Dining Area, except for Owen and Izzy, who had retired to bed in First Class early. Tyler went up to go to the bathroom. I felt like chatting Cody up and took as seat next to him.

"So what's the deal with airline food?" I asked him, hoping to alleviate my worries.

However, the geek was to busy glaring at the Latino across the plane.

He looked over to Alejandro again. When he saw Bridgette looking at the muscular teen in wonder, I felt like the geek's stomach dropped. Alejandro saw this and addressed him.

"Amigo? Is something the matter?" The Spaniard asked.

"Yeah. You look kinda down." Trent said to the boy.

"Huh? Oh, no. Just… upset that we didn't win." Cody quickly said.

"I see." Trent said.

"Hm. Well, one team must lose. Those are the rules of the game." Alejandro said.

"That is true." Trent said.

"Yeah." Cody grumbled.

"At least you didn't have to vote anyone off." He said.

"That's true." Cody replied.

I raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

All was silent, but only for a while.

"Or is it something else?" Alejandro asked, bringing up the topic again. "Or...could it possibly be...? Nah. Forget it. It's nothing."

"What?" Cody asked, irate.

"Cody, what's the matter?" Bridgette asked.

She was concerned as she looked at the now furious-looking tech geek.

I think I have an idea of what was going on, and I didn't like it.

"Nothing." Cody said to Bridgette.

Then he muttered something incomprehensible.

"I have a theory, but, no. It's preposterous," Alejandro insisted.

"What is it, Alejandro?" Bridgette asked.

"Well… I almost dare say that our little friend here is jealous of us."

"Jealous?" Cody questioned.

"Forgive me if my thinking is wrong here." Alejandro said. "You see, from what I've gathered, the two of you have become quite close friends this season, am I right?"

"Well, yes." Bridgette replied.

Oh dear.

"Well, I almost wonder if the time you two have spent together has made him... develop a crush on you." Alejandro said.

"Which is to say that it's hard not to since you are indeed marvelous." He quickly added.

Bridgette blushed at this as Cody began to panic.

The others were beginning to take notice of our conversation.

"Cody, you like Bridgette?" Trent asked, adding fuel to the fire.

"Cody...is this true?" Bridgette asked.

Oh no.

Cody gulped heavily. All eyes were on him now.

"Well… sort of, but..."

Not good. Just spit it out, bro.

I was about ready to leave and drag Cody along with me.

"Anyways." Alejandro continued. "I'm almost beckoned to guess that the reason our little friend here was working with Noah to have me eliminated was so you might pay more attention to him instead of me."

Aw, crap. Why was he bringing my name up?

Dammit. No chance of escape now.

"I can't believe it!" Trent exclaimed.

Bridgette's eyes went wide as she heard this. She turned towards the both of us.

"Cody? Were you and Noah... talking about me?" Bridgette asked.

I am Jack's cold sweat.

I started to say something. "We were, but actually-"

"I heard something about ten dollars and...hooking up...or something like that." Alejandro said.

Holy crap! Unfortunately for us, the Latin teen had been eavesdropping on our whole conversation back in Paris.

He probably snuck up and overheard everything we had said!

The worst part was he had completely twisted our conversation!

"Holy crap, Cody!" Trent said. "You bad, bad man."

I felt like sinking into the plane's exterior.

Cody did the opposite and stood up out of his seat.

"Wait!" He exclaimed. "I didn't-"

He never got to finish his sentence as a stinging pain had come across his face. He winced and brought a hand up to his cheek. I saw a red mark on the place where Bridgette had slapped him.

Bridgette had slapped him!? What?

The surfer girl was standing in front of him, heaving in anger and gritting her teeth. She wasn't just angry, though. She was hurt. More hurt than Cody's face was at the moment.

"How dare you? How...How could you?" The surfer girl seethed. "Both of you!"

The blonde was glaring daggers at the both of us. Oh, if looks could kill.

I wanted to say something, but could only look down in disappointment. Cody felt the same way.

I opened my mouth, but no words came out.

"Cody… you're the worst thing that ever happened to me." Said the blonde, with tears in her eyes.

Embarrassed and hurt, Bridgette fled to somewhere where no one would see her cry.

"Oh my goodness, Noah!" Trent exclaimed. "I cannot believe that you would do such a thing. You are a horrible, horrible person!"

I wanted to whip around and punch him in the face, but the damage had been done. Nothing I could say or do would be of any use now.

Cody and I just sat there, speechless. For once, I didn't have an answer. Mr. Smart Alec had nothing to say.

As the contestants glared at us, I knew a simple apology wasn't going to get me out of this mess. I was in deep trouble this time. Not for the first time since this contest started, I was sweating bullets.

How could I have been so careless? Ugh. I was what I hated most: an idiot!

"Not cool." Gwen tut-tutted.

"You're such a dick." Trent said. "I told you guys Noah was a selfish jerk."

Trent brought a finger to his neck and mimed slicing it off.

F**k me.

Gwen and an insulted Courtney went to comfort Bridgette. Even Heather looked pissed off. DJ followed them without a word. Trent left as well, but not before smiling cruelly at me.

It was just Alejandro, Cody and I in the room now. Just as Alejandro wanted it, I presumed. The evilest of us all opened his mouth and prepared to make what I thought was a preplanned speech in the hopes of belittling us.

"Hey morons. My name is Alejandro, and I hate you both." The Spaniard said. "You're geeky, stupid, no-lives who spend every second of their day looking at stupid pictures on the internet. You are everything bad in the world. I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take it to a whole new level."

Had he been preparing to do this all day?

Cody turned and glared menacingly at the Latino.

"You turned her against me!" He said.

"You have done that yourself." Alejandro retorted, chuckling.

"You will not take her from me!"

"Your stupidity and lust for money have already done that." Alejandro replied.

"Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot." Said the Latino, challenging us. "I'm pretty much perfect. I was captain of the debate team, and leading goalscorer on my soccer team. What do you idiots even do, other than jack off to Rule 34 drawings? I also get straight 'A's, and have super hot girlfriends. I love making out with them. It is so cash. You are all idiots who should just remove yourselves from society."

"Dude. We're right here, you know?" I said.

"For now, amigo. For now." Alejandro said. "On the other hand, I dare say I am untouchable. Thanks for listening."

Cody wanted to reply, but he couldn't form any words. He was disappointed and dejected.

I was at a loss for words, too. In just a few minutes, Alejandro had turned the rest of the cast against me and Cody, but how?

"There's nothing you can do, Noah." Alejandro said smugly. "Unlike you two, I don't mess around. It's game end for you. I'm going to fool all these competitors and go on to win this show. By the time they figure out what went wrong... I'll be sitting on a beach, earning twenty percent."

"I'm going to enjoy watching your elimination, Mr. Anderson." Alejandro said.

The Latino held up a paper with 'MEET ME AT THE DINING AREA' written on it.

"Well, amigo. The shoe is on the other foot now." The Latino told us.

Oh crap! He had known all along!

"As for our wisecracking fool, look at everyone's favorite hero now. You stupid, pathetic waste! You've been number one for too long, Noah. Now, your time is up."

"Nearly everything that has transpired up until now has done so according to my design." Alejandro said.

"Your 'friends' out there on the other side of the plane have walked into a trap, and so has your girlfriend." Alejandro said.

No! He wouldn't dare do anything to Gwen.

"Why, I oughtta-" I started.

"It was I who allowed you and Cody to have a meeting about me and my alliance and to know about what we shall do next." The Latino bragged. "I spied on your meeting. I lulled you into a false sense of security."

"Tyler and Trent follow my every word. I assure you that we are quite safe from your pitiful little band. This game is under my control, while suffering awaits you all. Oh, I'm afraid my battle strategy will be quite operational by the time your friends realize my true nature. By then, it will be too late, and they'll all be gone. You, of course, have the pleasure of being our first target."

The Latino was last to leave the room. Before he left, he turned back to me.

"As you can see, Noah the man with the sharp tongue, your friends have turned on you just as I warned." Alejandro said.

I wanted to say something back. A witty retort, a heinous insult. Heck, even just "no u", but words escaped me.

"You hear that Mr. Anderson?" The teen mastermind asked Cody. "That is the sound of inevitability. It is the sound of your elimination. Goodbye, Mr. Anderson. Or, as you would say in your lingo, 'Checkmate.'!"

Flashing a wicked grin, the teen exited, leaving both of us with only our thoughts.

Great. Things just went from 'bad' to 'worse'. This problem had exacerbated! I should have disposed of that paper. Again, how could I have been so careless?

I felt a mix of shock, fear, fury, resentment, and disappointment wash over me.

At that point, Tyler entered Economy Class.

"What did I miss?" He asked.

A heck of a lot, Tyler. A metric crapton.

What a way to end a challenge.

What a way to end a year.

I debated making this one an elimination challenge but decided to have no one go home in the end because they haven't fully completed their character arcs yet. Plus, things are getting juicier. No one's out but at least we got more drama, amirite?

Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please don't ask for spoilers or when the next chapter is, because I'm not telling. I hoard such things to myself, because I am selfish (not shellfish), greedy, and just an overall freak.

Thanks for reading! Please review if you want to... or don't. Either one's fine. :)

Vote List

Not applicable. (Reward Challenge)

SEAT SHEET

Epic – Alejandro, Trent, Tyler, DJ, Noah [Tied First Place, First Class]

Chris - Izzy, Owen [Tied First Place, First Class]

Amazon – Bridgette, Gwen, Cody, Courtney, Heather, Sierra [Last Place, Economy Class]

Drop of Shame – Duncan, Ezekiel, Harold, Leshawna, Lindsay

It's been a great year, ladies and gentlemen, and I really enjoyed going on this journey with you guys. I will see you all in my first chapter next year. Peace the f**k out. Here's to 2019! So long, and thanks for all the fish! :D