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Chapter Thirty Nine.

Ana.

Proposal.

.

As Christian hovers above me, I can see that he's holding his breath. He looks nervous, or should I say terrified. His entire body is set and on edge as he waits for my reply. He's been staring down at me for a good few minutes now and his eyes have gone from hot and loving, to imploring and doubt filled, to finally settle on full blown panic.

I find myself mirroring his expression, unable to comprehend that he's actually proposed. I'm completely stumped and have no idea if I can respond coherently right now. The emotions running through me at this precise moment are unexpected, very powerful and totally alien to me. What on earth am I supposed to say to him?

Ultimately, I know that I want to be with Christian, get to know him and be a part of his life, but marriage, that's never even entered my head. Could we possibly get married and have a future together as husband and wife?

Last night meant everything. I know it's changed everything between us. It's changed me. I feel like it was more than just a one time thing between us though, last night, connected us completely. Not only because I lost my virginity with him, and despite what we've both shared and lived through these past ten years, I feel that it goes deeper than that. Christian, obviously feels the same way or he wouldn't be acting so impulsively. He probably thinks I'm going to run from him again, but hell, after last night, there's no chance of that.

But marriage, that's an entirely different ball game all together.

The longer I gaze up at Christian, all stunned, wide eyed, and mute, the more his confidence dwindles. He's grown more and more apprehensive during my silence and I really need to say something to ease him. I just can't think of anything that would make sense. Christians body suddenly slumps as his eyes leave mine and I know that I've ran out of time.

"No, please don't move." I exclaim with urgency as I feel his body begin to lift.

"Ana, I..." he begins nervously.

"No, you don't have to say anything," I interrupt him, which thankfully, causes him to remain above me. "I'm sorry I haven't answered you, I'm just shocked. Truthfully, I'm completely blown away and I've no idea what to say in response. I never expected this or..."

My voice tapers off as I get caught up in the desperation now swimming in his eyes. He suddenly looks so unsure of himself, and if I'm not mistaken, deeply regretful.

"I'm sorry Ana, I shouldn't have asked. It was rash and stup..." Christian begins, but I shake my head at him.

"No Christian, you don't have to apologise, or explain. I understand why you did it." I state knowingly.

Christian's eyebrow quirks in question but he doesn't speak.

"You're scared. You no doubt think I'll disappear or leave you again, but I won't." I tell him firmly.

His eyes widen a fraction and I know that my guess is correct and the reason behind his impromptu proposal is fear. He stares down at me, keeping his face impassive, and I know he's not going to say anything.

I purposefully hold his eye, trying my best to read him. I need him to open up and talk to me. I need to know what he's afraid of.

"I need to ask you something... before I give you an answer." I utter cautiously, when his face gives nothing away.

"Anything." Christian declares, his eyes brightening with excitement and surprise when he realises that I'm considering his offer.

If I'm honest, it surprises me too.

"Where does love fit into this?" I ask before I can stop myself.

Christian's eyes widen with bewilderment, instead of the shock I expected from my unfiltered question.

"Do you feel any love for me at all?" I blurt out further before I lose my nerve. His eyes widen a fraction before he replies.

"Love..." He mutters to himself, testing the word with interest and growing bemusement.

I watch him, hovering above me, fighting to control my smile at the look that's now on his face. He's contemplating, mouthing words to himself as he looks down at me, but I'm not worried. The longer I look up at him, the lighter and more jovial his eyes are becoming.

"Love?" he repeats again and I nod expectantly. Hoping that he'll open up to me.

"I've never thought about love. Don't get me wrong, I know I need you and I want you... but I've never..."

Christian begins speaking so surely but suddenly becomes flustered. He seems unable to find the words to express himself, which causes him to frown. He's growing annoyed and frustrated with himself, and I want to chuckle at the small boy he now resembles. There's definitely no sign of the confident CEO that he normally is, right now.

"Please, tell me how you feel, Christian. I need to understand what you're thinking and why you've proposed to me." I encourage him softly, while wrapping my arms around his lower back in an attempt to sooth him.

Christian, nods his head in agreement as he settles over me. He smiles to himself, looking content as my thumbs begin to brush back and forth across his lower back. Then, he does something I never would've expected, he flushes. I smile up at him, secretly delighted with his awkwardness. Relieved, that I'm not the only one blown away by this situation. Christian gazes down at me, his eyes full of uncertainty, but it doesn't take him long to gather his thoughts and look more determined. He's soon sure of himself, confident and appears comfortable with what he's about to say.

"I'm unsure of how to express my feelings for you Ana, when I don't even understand them myself. This is all new to me, so I've no idea what I'm supposed to say in order to reassure you. I do know that I want you, I want you beside me. I need you in my life." He states firmly. "After last night, I never want to be without you again. I..."

"Me neither." I interrupt, causing Christian to smirk down at me. He's clearly delighted.

"I know this is something new for both of us, and ridiculously fast, but I don't want to lose you, Anastasia. I feel so close to you and somehow complete when I'm with you. I.."

"Me, too." I butt in again, unable to keep the stupid grin from taking over my face. "But...don't you think it's too soon? No matter what we both feel for each other, getting married is a bit extreme. It's impulsive. We hardly know each other, Christian." I state soberly.

I'm hesitant to upset the mood we've created but I can't help expressing my doubts. Despite the excitement I feel with his candour and equal need for me, it is a life changing decision, and one we shouldn't take lightly. Christian smiles at me with understanding before kissing me gently.

"It is soon and extremely impulsive, I agree, but why can't we just go with what we feel? We can get to know each other after we're married." He says simply, adding a casual one shoulder shrug when I just gape at him.

Even though I've felt close to Christian, ever since that fateful night and I know a lot about him, we've never really spent any true quality time together. I feel so much for him, it's strong and very powerful, I also don't want to lose him, but our time together has been...

Christian, tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear. His thumb lingers, softly tracing the shell. I feel him draw closer, then his lips begin sweeping up and down my throat. My eyes close and I can't help but involuntarily hum at his gentle touch and easily, and rapidly, fall into what he's making me feel. Boy, what he makes me feel. Maybe he's right and I should just...

My entire body freezes and my eyes fly open, when I feel Christian chuckling softly against my neck. The spell he's put me under is suddenly broken and I know he's doing this on purpose to distract me and keep me from over analysing. It nearly worked too. I totally lost my train of thought and that pisses me off. I shift my head to the side and place my hands on Christians chest, pushing him away. Ignoring his groan of frustration and cheeky grin I glare up at him.

"What if we find we can't stand each other?" I state logically, once his lips have left my skin and my brain has cleared.

"I doubt that very much." Christian chuffs, before attempting to reclaim my throat. I brace my arms in front of me, my palms flat on his chest, trying to keep his hypnotic lips at bay.

"You can't know that. All the annoying little habits that we both have will soon appear, and once they do, we'll drive each other crazy. Over time we..."

Christian chuckles further but doesn't say anything or try and contradict me, he just brushes my hands aside then covers my rambling lips with his. They're soft, gentle, full of unspoken need, desire and promise, and I'm soon fully hypnotised, and totally his. It's a good few minutes before we both give into the need to breathe again, and for me, coherent thought to return. Christian, speaks as soon as his lips leave mine.

"Please, say yes." He whispers.

"Yes." I reply instinctively, while stretching out my neck trying to relocate his lips.

"Really?" He asks sharply, pulling back to look at me.

"Yes." I repeat as my eyes flutter open.

"Thank, fuck." He curses, before exhaling deeply.

Christians lips fall back to mine and our kiss escalates quickly. His comforting weight is covering me and his hands are soon on the prowl under my shirt. My body shivers under him at the memory of what we shared last night and I revel, knowing we're about to do it again. After what I've just agreed too, we will no doubt be doing this a lot.

"I need you. I need you, now." Christian breathes urgently against my hot skin as if he's read my mind.

Before I have a chance to respond, reply or react, Christian, is tugging at the front of his sleep pants, slipping my underwear to the side and sliding into me fluidly. As he sinks into me, my arms and legs wrap around him, holding him firmly in place.

"God, you feel amazing." I manage to say through my mewling.

"You, stole my line." Christian growls against my neck as his body begins to move.

My giggle sticks in my throat as his lips claim, his hands take hold and his pace picks up.

The heat, the passion, the euphoria builds and builds between us and soon it's exploding and rushing right through us. Uniting us, bonding us, solidifying us, completely.

I want this, this man, this feeling, to last a lifetime. I know this is how it's supposed to be when you find The One, and there's no way I'm going to risk losing this over a few seeds of doubt that I may have.

My orgasm takes over me as it hits me that I'm actually going to be getting married. This man, this amazing, wonderful man, will soon be mine. I cling to him with all of my heart as I fall apart in his arms.

Minutes later, we're both content, sated, lifeless, entwined on Christian's bed.

"You don't know how amazing it feels to be with you like this." Christian utters, before exhaling deeply against my chest where his head is now resting.

"I do." I whisper softly, smiling to myself.

Even though my chest is partly covered by his shirt, my fingers are running slowly through his hair and I swear I can feel him purring.

"No one, has ever been able to touch me like you can." Christian adds.

Sadly, I know he's speaking the truth.

"I can stop." I tease, attempting to move from underneath him, and lighten my darkening mood.

"No, don't you dare." he demands, while laughing and holding onto me tightly.

"It feels wonderful to be touched and not have to worry." Christian says with another deep, blissed out sigh.

"Why would you worry? I love touching you." I tell him truthfully as my fingers run slowly down his neck.

"What...what you feel, doesn't repulse you?" he asks me quietly, when my fingers reach his shoulders.

"No, of course not." I tell him with conviction as my fingers purposefully linger, tracing over the contours of his damaged skin.

He murmurs against my chest at the contact, wrapping himself more securely around me. If, that's even possible. I smile to myself as I feel his full body weight, knowing, that he's fully comfortable and relaxed here with me. It's heart breaking to know that he's never had this before. That he's been afraid of this. Could Leila, or who ever came before her, have held him like this, been this emotionally close to him, if he'd have only opened up to them? We'll never know, but I'm over joyed that I was the one that was able to break through his defences.

"You're heaven sent, do you know that?" Christian utters softly, when my arms tighten around him.

"I'm glad you think so, we are getting married after all." I retort with a giggle and a smug smile.

Christian, doesn't say anything, he just lifts his head, places a firm kiss on my scar and floors me when he begins to murmur against my chest.

"Mrs Grey...Mrs Grey...Mrs Grey."

My heartbeat, involuntarily picks up at the feel of his lips and even though I've agreed to marry him, and it's what I want, it doesn't stop the deep gulp of panic his words cause from sticking in my throat.

I'm stunned, mute and frozen solid because it's really happening. I'm getting married.

I'm going to be changing my name.

Christian sniggers against me when he feels my response, but continues to kiss and tease my skin until I ease. Which, doesn't take long.

"Don't worry. Everything will work out, I promise." he assures me.

I've no chance to respond because his lips have trawled there way back to mine and my body is bewitched, but that doesn't stop my thoughts from racing. Everything seems so surreal and just to good to be true. I can't begin to explain how much Christian has grown to mean to me, and I don't regret saying yes, but I can't stop worrying because we know so little about each other.

Is it wrong to let what you feel, over rule, rational thought?

I know enough about myself to know that I don't ever want to be without Christian. The thought of being without him, not being able to share this with him again, has my heart pounding for a completely different reason, so I know my decision, whether rushed or not, is right. My head, just needs to catch up with my heart.

Once my nerves and butterflies have fully dispelled, our kiss escalates. Christian, has my full attention and I know what I'm feeling right now can't be wrong. A rush of cool air alerts me to the fact that Christian has pulled away from me. He's risen from my chest and is resting on his elbow looking at me. I don't have a chance to chastise him for breaking our kiss because his eyes are pinched and very serious all of a sudden.

"What is it?" I ask, curious to know what's gotten into him and why he's stopped kissing me.

"Will...will we be having a long, drawn out engagement?" he asks me almost warily.

I bite on my lip, because even though I haven't had long to digest the fact that I'm getting married, never mind when, I want to belly laugh at the expression on Christians face.

"Maybe." I tease, pretending to consider the idea.

Christian, doesn't like that thought, not even in jest. His brow creases and his eyes bore into mine as he shakes his head in disagreement.

"We could fly out to Vegas today. I can have the jet ready in half an hour, Taylor can..." he begins with earnest.

"Whoa. Now that's too soon." I interrupt him quickly.

Even though my heart is pounding at his suggestion, I can't contain my laughter when he appears to almost pout at me.

"You're so impatient." I tease him.

"No, I'm just eager." he says with a shrug. "I don't want to wait too long."

"We don't have to rush. We could live together first. Get to know ..." I begin.

"Ana, you don't understand," Christian interrupts me sharply. "I've never imagined myself being married to anyone. I love how I feel when I'm with you. If marrying you will guarantee my keeping that, then I'm eager to do it as soon as possible." He sounds so passionate and determined. My heart goes out to him.

"I'm not going anywhere, Christian. I promise." I reassure him, running my fingers up his neck and into his hair.

"You say that now, but who knows what's down the road. I just don't want to lose you, again."

"You won't, I feel the same way about you."

Knowing, that despite my doubts, I do.

"You do?" he asks quietly.

"Yes. I don't want to be without you, either." I confirm wholeheartedly as he takes hold of my hand and places a firm kiss on my palm. I giggle at the sensation, before squealing in surprise.

Christian, takes hold of my hip and rolls, pulling me with him so I'm now on top of him. I continue to chuckle as I rise up onto my knees and straddle his waist. I can feel him underneath me and can't help but squirm against him.

"Say it again." Christian demands as he runs his hands up my thighs and holds me still.

His eyes tell me what he wants to hear.

"Yes, I'll marry you, Christian Grey. Happily." I state with feeling.

Christian's eyes burn fiercely into mine and I gasp, when he rips my shirt wide open and pulls me into him so that we're skin on skin.

"Once you're my wife and vow to obey me, we're going to be sleeping like this every night." Christian states with a deep chuckle after holding me close for a few silent minutes.

I giggle against him as I chuff out the word. "Obey." Then squirm away from his playfully, nipping fingers.

"I'm more than happy to sleep with you like this, but I don't think my knees would appreciate it after a few nights." I tell him honestly as I shuffle off my knees and straighten out my body.

I'm sprawled on top of him, my legs, falling either side of one of his. Christian, wastes no time in removing my shirt and wrapping his arms and free leg around me, securely.

"This, is kind of nice." I say as I nuzzle into his chest and bask in the warmth from his skin.

"You've no idea." he replies, kissing the top of my head. "If I have my way, you'll soon be my wife." Christian whispers into my hair as his arms tighten around my shoulders. I'm unsure if he wanted me to hear that or not, so I keep my reply to myself.

I understand that he's craved this ease, this physical contact with no restrictions or worry, but I won't rush into getting married. Our being engaged is enough for now, it gives him the security he needs and me, the space to get my head around the fact that I'm going to be a married women. I'm going to be marrying into a family and my life is going to change, dramatically.

"Your family, will be shocked when they find out about this. They haven't even met me properly." I mutter out loud, causing Christian to chuckle.

"My Mother, will be ecstatic. Happy that I've found someone. My Sister, who you've survived meeting, will no doubt love you, and Elliot, he knows all about you, already."

"He does?" I ask, sounding as surprised as I feel. I lift myself and rest my head in my palm to look at him. I didn't think anybody knew.

"Yes. I told him all about you, last night, funnily enough." Christian says with a small smile, his eyes, sleepy and half closed eyes.

"He knows everything?" I ask. Christian nods in response. "How did he take it?" I continue, genuinely interested to know what his family think about the secret he's kept to himself for so many years.

Christian chuckles to himself before speaking. He's smiling broadly. "It was good to talk to him, he was really supportive. He also thought I was an idiot, but he did advise me to ask you out for coffee." Christian laughs softly and it's good to see him so relaxed and open.

"He'll be surprised to learn that we've skipped right over, coffee." I retort, causing Christian to laugh louder.

Suddenly, Christian's phone begins to hum and shimmy along the wooden top of the bedside cabinet, where it's sat, silently, until now. Begrudgingly, I slide away from Christian so he can roll over to reach it.

"Speak of the devil." Christian says as he checks the display.

"Good morning, Elliot." Christian greets his brother cheerfully.

He flops back onto the bed beside me, looking up at the ceiling with a wide grin plastered on his face. I suddenly hear his voice lower and I watch, silently, as his entire demeanour changes.

"No...No...We lost her." He whispers.

Christian, rises up slowly, before swinging his legs over the side of the bed. His head, hits his palm as his elbows hit his knees, and I tune out the rest of his conversation.

When I see the sadness rippling through his body, I don't think, I just react to the sight of him hurting and clamber up onto my knees. I crawl across the bed until I reach him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. His body is hard, rigid and controlled under my hands and chest as he fights to contain his feelings. When I hear his voice break, I begin placing soft kisses across his shoulder blade and when it all becomes too much for him, he quickly ends the call.

He's silent, looking down at the phone in his hands, and I can feel the heartbreak welling up inside of him. I'm unsure of what to say to him but I know that I need to be touching him. After a few silent minutes, I feel his body relax under my hands and know that it's time to talk.

"I know you're hurting right now, but take comfort in knowing that she's in a better place." I whisper close to his ear as my arms drop and cross over his chest.

"I do. I'm just going to miss her, so much." He whispers, his hands, lifting to cover my arms.

"I know." I murmur as I snuggle against him.

"You make her loss more tolerable. I think I'd be lost without you, right now." Christian admits, before turning and placing a soft kiss on my temple.

"I'll never leave you." I assure him.

"Never?" he questions.

"No." I tell him adamantly.

I squeal with delight and surprise, when he suddenly turns, grabs my arm and hip and swings me around his torso so that I'm now sat across his lap. His arms wrap around me as his lips cover mine and my laughter is soon smothered and forgotten. Our kiss is slow, sensual, meaningful, and I know this is meant to be. This, is where I belong.

"I think I could easily fall in love with you...soon to be, Mrs Grey." Christian murmurs against my throat before his lips begin to assault my skin.

"I like the sound of that." I purr as my body turns to jelly under his hands.

"Me too." Christian whispers, before laying me down on the bed.

We kiss, explore and things get heated quickly, until Christians phone rings and spoils it all. He curses as he reaches blindly for it, knocking over an empty glass in the process. I hide my chuckle, when he has no other choice but to pull away from me in order to reach it.

"Fuck, it's my mom." Christian exclaims after checking his phone, he's clearly debating with himself whether to take the call or not. "Elliot must have told her about Tess, she'll no doubt want..."

"Answer the call, it's fine. I need to take a shower anyway." I interrupt, realising that a cool shower is the only way for me to regain control of my body.

"You do?" he asks, looking a bit put out by my statement.

"Yes." I clarify, rolling towards the other side of the bed.

"But things were just getting interesting." he says playfully.

"Yes, they were, but we can't stay in bed all day." I state the obvious. No matter how tempting it may be.

"Why not?" he retorts with a smirk and a quirk of his eyebrow.

"Why not." I repeat, laughing to myself, shaking my head and avoiding his out stretched hand. I head for the bathroom. "Is that really all you want to do today?" I ask as I reach the bathroom door.

I turn on my heel when I get no reply, only to find that he's standing directly behind me.

I don't get a chance to put any distance between us before Christian takes hold of my hip and pulls me close to him. The heat from his body is consuming and I'm soon lost in his lust filled gaze and nearness, and he knows it.

"Well no, I thought we could hit the beach, take in some sun...maybe take a stroll...maybe visit next door and pick up all your belongings." Christian purrs as he nuzzles into my neck and his hands run up my body to entwine in my hair.

"Oh, really?" I ask, laughing loudly. I feel him nod against me. "You really want me to move in with you, today?" I ask dubiously.

"Yes." he states passionately, pulling away from me to look at me squarely.

"Why?" I question, shocked by his request, but secretly loving the fact that he doesn't want me to leave him.

Christian, looks at me as if it's obvious. His eyes, bright and amused. He looks so happy in this moment and I never want him to lose this feeling.

"Well, the sooner I can get you under my roof, the sooner I can work on you becoming my wife." Christian explains with honesty.

My heart flips at his confession. My response, sticking in my throat when he begins kissing me with everything he has.

When I feel myself being lifted into his arms, my body bows and wraps its self around his automatically.

My shower, his phone call, everything around us, is completely forgotten as he carries me back to his bed so we can finish what we started earlier.

The last thing I hear before I'm consumed by our love making, are the soft reverent words that fall from Christians lips.

"I...I love you... Ana."

Right or wrong, this man is my life now and I never want to be without him. I know in my heart that I'm in love with him too, and I'll do everything in my power to make sure this works between us.

As I'm sure, will he.

.

.

A/N

Forgive my lack of updates. Real life sucks when it takes over and allows no time for FF, but sometimes it's unavoidable.

Thanks for sticking with this. Donna.x