Constellations

chapter five: the truth

"The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and therefore should be treated with great caution." ―J.K. Rowling

The Wampas are hulking masses of fur and muscle, and Finn really wishes they could have remained something he had only seen in pictures or holograms. Finn keeps his blaster tucked close to his side, finding it the most efficient way to aim, and hears the hum of Rey's lightsaber as it thrums with energy. He and Rey move forward in sync, like a well oiled machine.

(Finn remembers Rey explaining the basics of mechanics to him, how a machine had to be perfectly fit together in order to work. All the pieces have to go together, she had said. A perfect fit. Shortly afterwards they had sat up at the Resistance Base and looked up at the stars, and she had laced her fingers through his: a perfect fit.)

He fires off his blaster and it grazes the first Wampa's shoulder. Bellowing in rage, the creature smacks its fist hard against them cave wall and Finn swears cracks form in the stone.

"We gotta get out of the cave," Rey hisses, tightening her grip on her lightsaber. "As long as we're inside―"

"They have the advantage," Finn finishes, and Rey nods. Even after a year apart, they're still able to know exactly what's going on inside the other person's head―in battle, at least. "Falcon positions?" he suggests, and Rey gives him a quick nod. It's their default plan, how they survived flying the Falcon out of Jakku, and it usually works. Rey drives it forward, and Finn covers them.

Rey dodges the first Wampa's swipe and then slashes upwards with her lightsaber, only to miss. Finn doesn't though, firing off his blaster and nailing the Wampa in its arm. The creature howls in pain and stumbles backwards; Rey weaves under its arm, pushing forwards towards the other two Wampas. Rey's always been lithe, taking on opponents usually bigger than her, and this is no different, not only really. And now, she has the person she trusts most watching her back.

Finn pulls the trigger and this time aims for the Wampa's face. The beast staggers forwards and Finn ducks underneath its flailing arms. Now there are two Wampas blocking the exit, now they're surrounded, and Finn finds himself working on instinct rather than thought as he and Rey move so they're back to back.

"Alternate?" Rey says quietly in his ear, even as she keeps her eyes trained on the threat surrounding them. She slashes with her sabre, and Finn follows up with a shot from his blaster, rinse and repeat, alternating with every heartbeat like a perfectly timed machine.

The Wampas can't keep up with the constant onslaught. Hissing, the smell of burnt fur colouring the dry, chilly air, the two Wampas at the entrance of the cave stagger backwards. Finn watches their backs, bringing up the rear and keeping the first Wampa, still in the cave, from getting too close to them or its brethren.

A gust of icy wind hits his back as he feels Rey take a few steps forward, the thrum of her lightsaber buzzing faintly in his ears over the wind. They've made it out of the cave, or at least she has. Now, their size provides nothing but advantages.

Rey whips her lightsaber around in a wide arc, and then slashes downwards; it lops off one of the Wampa's arms. Rey doesn't even pause before striking again, embedding her blade into the same Wampa's stomach. She twists it in, and then lets it drag as she wrenches it out. It's gory, but necessary, as the Wampa moans in pain, its beady eyes half-closed. Rey scrambles out of the body's way as it slumps forward in the snow.

Finn catches her by her forearm and helps her steady herself, a moment of contact that only lasts a second at the most but it feels like an eternity, warm fingers pressing into her cold arm, burning through her coat and arm wrappings. Rey shrugs it off―ignoring her feelings is practically second nature by this point―and focuses on the two remaining Wampas, who just seem enraged that she's killed one of their pack, or whatever they are.

As Rey bats away one of the angered Wampa's strikes, her lightsaber grazing its arm as Finn's shot sinks into its left shoulder with a spurt of scarlet that spilled over onto the white snow. The only uninjured Wampa roars as the other weakly tries to defend itself. Now it really is a fair fight, just two-on-two.

"You take one, I take the other?" Finn breathes, even as he fights to catch his breath. The air is dry and cold in his lungs, even as beads of sweat slide down his neck.

"Read my mind," Rey replies, and they move forwards as one, even if they step in opposite directions. Rey veers off to the left, while Finn lunges on his right, battling against the Wampas, one on either side of them. They're back to back again, and Finn knows his gun is running out of ammo. Luckily, Rey's lightsaber doesn't have that problem, so she handles the Wampa that hasn't been hurt.

Finn knows by now that a desperate animal really is more dangerous, even if the Wampa has lost the ability to move its injured arm, it still leaves another tonne of heavy muscle and fur to swing around. He's cautious at best, despite knowing that Rey can not only handle herself, but watch his back as well.

Perhaps that's why, as Rey lops off the arm of the Wampa she's handling ―the creature collapses in a howl of pain― Finn starts to let his guard down. Two-on-one is far easier to manage. He glances back at her for a moment and grins, and then―

Claws rake across his arm, tearing fabric and flesh and his fingers loosen their hold on his blaster. Drops of scarlet blood hits the snow, and blearily, it reminds him of Kylo, on the Starkiller Base. The former Stormtrooper had been lying on the snow too, and it's so cold, and his blood is so warm, and―a faint bellow of pain splits his consciousness.

The last remaining Wampa falls in a flash of angry blue light, and then Rey's warm hands are frantically pulling at him. "Finn! Finn?" She sounds close to tears. "Oh stars, don't worry, I'll―you'll be fine!"

Vaguely, Finn's aware of how much his arm hurts, but what really hurts is the way Rey's face is all scrunched up in distress, her eyes shining with tears. He wishes it wasn't so much of a relief to see that she cares, cares so much she's on the verge of crying. After being so cold for so long, it feels like a wave of warmth has washed over him, starting in his chest and spreading throughout the rest of his body.

He lifts his uninjured arm, which still feels like lead, and gently caresses one side of her face. "'Course I will. I have you."

Her cheeks flush a dark pink, and he doesn't think it's just from the cold. Rey purses her lips, not trusting herself to speak, and instead slings Finn's uninjured arm over her narrow shoulders. For someone so lithe, even after three years of Jedi training, Finn still finds amusement whenever someone is surprised at just how strong she is. Rey's easily the strongest person he knows, physically or mentally.

Together, they stagger up the hill. As strong as she is, Rey still sags under his weight, pressure building in her recently healed ankle, but she knows she has no choice but to soldier on. Finn's life is on the line and she cannot―she cannot―lose him. Not because of her own weakness. Rey managed to make her way towards the mouth of their cave, the Wampa carcasses lying a good 10 feet away, already beginning to be buried in snow. They'll have to move soon, she knows, before the meat attracts any other Wampas or other predators, but for now she's focussing on making sure Finn doesn't lose anymore blood.

Not that he's lost a lot, the rational part of her brain knows. But it could have been worse. It could have been so, so much worse. The way he slumped over in the snow with blood running down his arm will be another in a long list of images that flicker in her nightmares, haunting her.

Vaguely, she supposes it fits. He's her ghost, her silent shadow even in the year they've been apart, haunting her every heartbeat. Try as she might, she can't get rid of him. Even if she wants to; even if she should want to.

"Don't ever leave me," she murmurs, easing him down onto the cave floor. He's out of it enough he won't remember the request, or at least so she hopes.

Rey gets his jacket off with some difficulty, the metal zipper nearly frozen over from the cold. She discards it on the floor nearby and then rolls up the sleeve of his dark undershirt. The wound is shallow, as she gently cleans it with what remains of their medical supplies. Finn's face spasms in pain, but luckily he's unconscious enough. His eyes only begin to flutter open once she's finished the cleaning and starts dressing it with gauze, wrapping the bandages tightly around it.

Finn winces once he goes to move, and she gently shushes him, pushing him back down by placing her hand lightly on his chest. "Take it easy," she says. "You got hurt."

A crease forms in his brow. "But you're okay?" he checks.

Rey purses her lips. "Yeah. The Wampas are dead now." She realizes her hand is still on his chest and goes to remove it when his warm fingers wrap around her wrist, keeping it there. In the beat of silence, she remembers their conversation before the Wampa's.

Rey...I still love you.

It's suddenly hard to breathe as her eyes flicker down to his lips, and then back up to his warm, brown eyes. "Finn, we..." She swallows hard, and tries to force words over the lump in her throat. "This―this isn't the time. We have other things to worry about."

"This isn't something you have to worry about," Finn says. His fingers slid down her wrist and his hand fully covers hers. Her heart is pounding in her throat, a storm as fierce as the one outside raging inside her head. She can't do this...but she almost lost him. Again. How much more time is she willing to waste? What if there is no life after the war? "This isn't a problem Rey. I just want you to know. That's all. I never wanted it to change us."

"It didn't," she manages. "It didn't, I swear to you."

The crease in his brow deepens, and he gives her hand a small squeeze. "Then what―"

"Everything else," and she knows it's not the answer he deserves. "And I couldn't handle it, I―I can't." There's a long silence, and for the first time, she truly lets her mind go back to a year ago. The realization she cannot put his life in danger. The realization that she needs him alive more than she wants him in her life, wants him by her side. She cannot let him die for her.

Because she loves him. She loves and she loves and she loves him. And she can't lose him. This is the truth. This is her burden.

Finn takes a long time to respond, his voice soft when he finally does. "Rey, you can handle anything―"

She shakes her head furiously. "No, I can't!"

"Rey―"

"I can't handle losing you!"

She doesn't mean to cry. She doesn't mean for the confession to come out as a choked sob, but it does, tears building in her eyes and blurring her vision. Finn's the one who's injured yet he's the one comforting her as she buries her face in his warm, broad chest. He wraps his good arm around her and she throws hers around his neck, holding him so close she can hear his heartbeat, steady and strong. If that heartbeat ever stopped, she's not sure what she would do. Even if she knows the fear―all of it, in all of its horrific glory―runs deeper, is frozen in her veins and spreads with every rush of blood.

Finn's breath is warm, ghosting the top of his head as he presses his lips to her hairline. "You're not gonna lose me," he murmurs. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I come back for you, remember? I'll always come back for you." Rey holds him tighter, craving affection, warmth. Craving him. "I'll always come back for you," he repeats, his voice growing softer.

They stay like that for a long time, and somehow it still doesn't feel like long enough. No animals come in the night for the carcasses, and even the snow stops. Night's fallen, thick and heavy, when Rey notes the absence of Finn's chin on the crest of her head, and pulls away slightly to see what's caught his attention.

"You can see the stars," he says, and Rey melts into the softness and warmth of his smile, actually feeling safe for the first time in a very, very long time.

She keeps her gaze on him, seeing the way the stars and constellations light up his eyes, even when he looks back at her. Is this what love is? Seeing your galaxy in another person? "Yeah. You can."

She doesn't leave his side, even as she drifts off to sleep.