Disclaimer: Fruits Basket and all its characters are properties of Takaya Natsuki and Hana to Yume comics. I promise (and swear upon most everything holy) that I came up with this concept myself, and didn't exert any effort in stealing the idea from anyone else--any similarities are purely coincidental.
[Now that the formalities are over...time for me to apologize!] Ehehehe… n_n;;; I always take forever to update. I'm so sorry! Hope you all like the next installment of Yuki-Angst-O-Rama (poor Yuki...I always tend to put my favorite ones through the wringer...n_n).
REVISED : Now that I've gotten myself a beta reader (let's hear it for Navale, my partner in crime for F A S C I N A T I O N !), I'm going to try and fix these mistakes BEFORE I put it on ff.net :) The only revision in this is where Yuki and Tohru run into each other...yup...another discrepancy in regards to their transformations. Sigh... maybe I'll learn one day. Enjoy :)
Regret Me Not
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Chapter 2.
Shopping for a dinner of one was never a fun thing. Of course, he reasoned, it could be worse. At least I don't have to cook for myself, he thought with an inward shudder. Take-home dinners were a miracle worthy of heaven when one couldn't boil an egg to save his life. When Yuki had started out on his own at first, he had tried to hone his homemaking skills in the kitchen in order to save money. After a month full of food poisoning and smoke-stained ceilings, he never looked back nor minded the extra expenses. Home cooked meals were not essential, although they were certainly missed. He preferred the ability to digest food than anything else.
With his hands in his pockets, Yuki walked slowly by the displays of cold-cut sandwiches and box dinners, stopping every few feet to ponder a dinner of this or that, then moving onward. Since today was Tuesday, he was at the local supermarket. He had become so accustomed to not cooking, he had created a schedule for the type of food he would eat for each day of the week. Monday was Italian, Wednesday was Chinese, Thursday was at the deliciously inexpensive ramen stand a block away from his apartment... A part of him hated how mundane and boring he was—I mean, I even have a schedule for what type of food I eat, for God's sake—but the less effort it took, the more appealing the routine became. Yuki stopped at the tuna sashimi box dinner and picked it up thoughtfully, then sighed. Sometimes he wished he was just as exciting and mysterious as the girls that admired him thought he was.
"Tuna it is," he muttered to himself softly as his stomach grumbled at the box in his hand. He made his way to the checkout registers at the front of the store, picking up a bottle of wine as he passed by the particular aisle. He may have gone a little cheap when it came to dinner, but that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy the finer pleasures of life afterwards, right? Besides, he wanted to erase the memories of the last time he had enjoyed a bit of alcohol...Yuki cringed as he recalled his birthday celebration with vodka, his grip on the red wine tightening slightly. That had only been a week ago, and the memory of its gagging aftertaste was still lingering in his mouth. Sure, the night hadn't turned out to be a bust after all, but the next morning definitely solidified his resolve to not touch vodka for at least a few months afterwards. He smiled at the recollection of his 'birthday party' however, and he found himself a free register.
"Will this be all, sir?" The grocer placed his dinner and the bottle of wine in a bag and smiled, her cheeks slightly flushed at the sight of him. He was used to this reaction by now. It still managed to embarrass him on occasion (he still felt that he looked effeminate, to a certain degree), but the emotion never penetrated his calm mask.
"Yes, thank you," Yuki smiled, pulling out the amount due that he saw on her register screen. He threw in an extra 100 yen for a tip—not that it was needed or expected by the clerk. Hell, he was in a relatively good mood today...why not? She blushed even more, speechless, as she handed him his bag.
"T-Thank you, sir," she chirped, "Thank you very much—"
"Have a good night," he said congenially, taking the bag from her and making his way outside. Hmm, she was kind of cute...a little too young, but still nice to look at. Not that he'd consider taking her on a date, of course—the last date he had attended had scarred him for the past few months. Note to self: Never date a girl that you work with. He had taken her out twice; the first time for kicks and the second time because he needed to talk to her about formally calling him 'her future husband'. The memory made him shudder slightly—he had never been very good when dealing with the obsessive type, and unfortunately, they seemed to find him a lot more often than he liked. Nowadays her eyes followed him with a hungry look and he shuddered again. Single women are scary...especially once they hit the realization that marriage might be a little farther down the road than first anticipated.
Just because he was still desperately in love with Tohru didn't mean he couldn't date around, right? But he kept finding himself measuring each woman by her standards, although he knew that none of them would ever reach the impossible goals his mind set—none of them were her, nor would magically become her the next day when he woke up beside them. At first he had started dating other girls because he wanted to forget about her. Once he realized that his attempts were in vain, he simply accepted that he could never rid himself of the comparison and learned to live with it. Sometimes, it almost didn't hurt anymore...those relationships lasted a little longer than the others. But in the end, they always lost to an invisible foe.
Yuki held the bag in the crook of his arm and shoved both hands into their respective pockets again as he walked through the automatic doors leading out to the crisp, autumn air and Tokyo in the evening. It would be overly dramatic of him to say that he thought of her every waking moment of the day, but she was ever-present in his thoughts, even if the thoughts of her weren't always prominent. He was almost comforted by the fact that he could find no one to hold his attentions for long...he never wanted anyone to surpass her in his heart.
Even so, he avoided her now, of course—like the Plague. He had been told repeatedly (and quite forcefully at first) about how childish it was for him to not be able to face her, to be able to heal from what he tried desperately not to see as a type of betrayal. Relations with Kyou, although they had never been what one would call stellar, were now severed and burned. In fact, Yuki liked to pretend that Kyou didn't exist when he was in a particularly cross mood. And Tohru...
Tohru wanted to be his friend. He always laughed bitterly at the thought. As if she thought he would ever be satisfied with her friendship, when she knew what he wanted was her love.
But she didn't choose him. She didn't love him. And Yuki couldn't deal with it, he couldn't stomach the pain that overwhelmed him whenever he saw her...seeing her happy without him was like salt in a wound that had never healed. So he erased her from his life, even though he knew it hurt her to lose him.
He liked knowing his absence caused her pain. He wanted it to hurt her.
God...I am such a bastard.
Suddenly he saw a woman collide into another man, her attention obviously elsewhere at the moment. She fell to the ground, grocery bags spilled around her, as the man kept walking with a sneer.
"Watch where you're going, lady!" the man said snidely, yelling over his shoulder. Yuki was beside himself with indignance. The nerve of some people... he quickly went to the woman's side with a smile, bending over to help her up.
"What an awful man. Here, let me help you—"
He froze as a shining, smiling, apologetic face turned to his as she accepted his hand.
"Oh, thank you so much, Sir, I..." The man in front of her registered in her memory and her smile fell instantly, a shocked expression in its wake.
"Y-Yuki-kun..." His grip tightened on her hand, almost hurting her, as he pulled her up from her sprawled position on the concrete. He couldn't meet her gaze.
"Sohma-san," he said softly, his eyes downcast. Even though he wasn't looking at her, he could feel her spirits drop at his curt formality. "I'm glad I could be of service to you." He bowed formally, his movements as graceful as ever. Tohru smiled at the gesture, more out of habit than her currently wrecked emotions.
"Oh—oh no, Yuki-kun, it was entirely my fault, really. I need to stop walking around with my head in the clouds," she said earnestly, picking up her grocery bags. "Do you...do you come this way often?" Her hand absent-mindedly brushed the dirt off her denim skirt as she hungrily drank in his features, his expression—even though it was as cold as she last remembered. It had been five years since she last laid eyes on him, and she didn't know how long it would be until she saw him again. He stuffed his helping hand back into his coat pocket as he spoke.
"Every Tuesday, actually," he replied. Tohru smiled.
"Making a habit out of going to the grocery store," she said, some of her trademark cheerfulness creeping back into her voice. "That sounds like something you would do, Yuki-kun!"
It doesn't feel like it's been five years, with the way she's talking, he thought sardonically. You'd think we'd shopped for groceries together or something. When he didn't respond, she bit her lip unsurely, not knowing what to say. "I go shopping for a few things we need every Tuesday as well...it's funny how I've never bumped into you until now!"
We. Well, she certainly did love rubbing the fact that she married Kyou in his face, didn't she? Yuki knew he was being an absolute bastard—that Tohru would never do anything malicious to spite someone. It just wasn't in her to do something intentionally mean, and he loved her for that. It was amazing what five years of bitterness would do for a person, however, and his heart had hardened. He shrugged nonchalantly, then took a step forward.
"Look, I'm sorry, Sohma-san, but I'm in a rush—" Tohru looked crestfallen, and he snatched a look at her greedily as her gaze fell to her shoes. Her hair was still as long as ever, the chestnut-brown strands pulled away from her face with a hair claw; her bangs, now at chin length, framing her face prettily. Her skin was still porcelain-like in quality, still flawless. It wasn't humanly possible for her to be even more beautiful than when he had last seen her, but she had somehow managed to surpass the limit. He savored this image of her now. If things worked out the way that he hoped for in the future, he wouldn't encounter her like this again.
"Yuki-kun, please stop treating me like you don't know me," she said quietly, her eyes downcast. The hurt in her voice cried out to him, and he tried to shirk it off without much success. This was no good. He needed to get away from her, before...before he left himself susceptible again.
"I humbly apologize for my impositions," he said shortly, taking another step and walking past her brusquely. "Have a good evening, Sohma-san."
"Yuki." The steel in her soft voice made him stop in his tracks. This was very un-Tohru-like behavior. Perhaps she had changed in the years he hadn't seen her. "I can't continue to apologize for something that isn't my fault...and I can't keep giving my friendship to a person who doesn't give back, or even tries to receive it."
"I never asked for your pity," Yuki said coldly. Tohru spun around, her eyes boring into the back of his head. After five years of agonizing over whether she would ever see him again... crying over his absence in her life... trying to show whenever she could how much she truly cared for him...
"Yuki-kun, if you keep walking... if you continue to ignore me like this, to deny my existence in your life, I can only do the same." He paused, his jaw stiff. He contemplated turning around, facing her, accepting his position as a friend. And he couldn't do it.
I love you, Tohru...I could never be happy with anything less than the same from you. I'm sorry I'm such a jackass, I'm sorry I hurt you so much. I'm sorry for everything. And he was, he truly was. But if he turned around now, it would only hurt him more in the end. And he, coward, could not face that truth. So he walked away instead.
"Goodbye, Tohru-san," Yuki said quietly, closing his eyes. "Have a good evening." With pain evident in his voice and posture, he continued to walk onward, pitifully reminding himself of a wounded bird. She watched him walk away, her blue eyes misted with tears as she bit her lip.
"You jerk," she said brokenly, clenching her fists. "You...you awful, awful person."
Yuki...I don't know you anymore.
What had started as a simple run to the supermarket for a few ingredients for tonight's dinner had unearthed a lot of unresolved emotions she didn't know she had lying within her. Her heart was racing at the sight of his eyes, his face, his presence...Tohru convinced herself it was the length of time in which she hadn't seen him, and left it at that. Kyou, I'm so sorry...I know I told you that I would give up on resolving this situation, but I just can't. I can't let this chance to fix things pass me by.
She couldn't let Yuki pass her by again. Taking a few deep breaths, she waited for him to get a safe distance away, her eyes following his defined figure through the thinning crowds.
And she followed.
*****
end Chpt. 2.
Haha! I always end up writing the next chapter on this maddening 3-4 hour spree and finish it every two months! Strange how I tend to sporadically update based on my inspiration. Guess that's just the way it works. :) Well, we've got a little bit of something developing here, don't we? The chapter is surprisingly long, you get a glimpse into Yuki's routine...fun stuff, isn't it? And I actually managed to create a cliffhanger. Perhaps I can't wait as long to get Chpt. 3 done, can I now...
Reviews are both welcomed and appreciated...now it's time to roll up my sleeves and work on Chpt. 3! (Or wait another 2-3 months to do it. n_n)
- Kris (Limey)