Chapter 1 - The beginning of the end

Kotoko has endured a lot. She is called "idiot" in a daily basis. She knows she is clumsy and a bit loud, but she always tries her best to make everyone happy. Apparently, her best isn't enough…

She thought that she would eventually be immune to Naoki's cold words and acts. She hoped that she would get a fulfilling and lasting feeling of joy every time that he showed a bit of affection and warmth, but those times were fewer and fewer and this situation starts to take a toll on her. She begins to feel tired and unwanted, but what can she do about it? As always, she is going to try her best!

Naoki is having a really rough time at the hospital. The number of patients per hour is increasing rapidly, as well as the number of colleagues depending on his criteria. His cellphone won't stop ringing, not even on his free days or lunch times. Additionally, he is determined to get his Pediatrics degree, so his free time is shared between receiving hospital's phone calls and studying for his upcoming tests. Kotoko, as always, is trying hard to get his attention but, as much as he would like to spend time with her, he is too busy and tired to even try to have a minute of peace by her side.

It is the beginning of September. Kotoko realizes that her husband is going to have a free day but, as busy as he is, she knows that there would be no time for her. Then, she came up with a plan! It doesn't matter how hectic Naoki's day is, he still has to eat, doesn't he? So, the best option for them to have some time together and alone is to have a picnic in their backyard (to save commuting time). They are home alone, which means this is the best moment to avoid interruptions and spend at least 30 minutes side by side. Being conscious of her cooking abilities, she asked her father to prepare a couple of bentos and some side dishes. When she went to her father's restaurant to pick the food up, Shigeo was showing a concerned face and asked her to stay for a bit to chat.

· So, you're having lunch with Naoki?

· Yes! I've been looking forward to spend some time with him and to help him rest a bit.

· Does he know about your picnic plans?

· Not really, I want to surprise Irie-kun!

· … I've been wanting to talk with you about your marriage… You know I'm respectful of your relationship and I've always tried to stay out of your way, but lately I've seen you so lonely that it worries me.

· Oh dad, I didn't mean to worry you! It's just the Irie-kun has been very busy at work and with his studies, I only need him to finish his studies and he will have more time for me.

· But the fact that he is busy doesn't justify the way that he is treating you. He's more insulting and hurtful than before. I don't like that side of him. It seems like he's venting his fatigue by either mistreating or ignoring you for the last 2 months.

· I know… No! I mean, he's really tired, that's all! Thanks for worrying about me, but after today's lunch everything will change for the better!

· Kotoko…

· Don't worry, I'll…

· I just want you to know that your happiness is more important than anything. To me, this relationship is not rightfully balanced and it's making you sad and lonely. I told Naoki to take care of you when he asked for my permission to marry you and he's not complying. Think about your happiness, a real one. Also, think about what would make him happy. Promise me at least that.

· Yes, dad… I promise…

Kotoko walks back home thinking hard on her dad's words. Is she really happy? Is Naoki happy? Are her presence and acts helpful to make Naoki happy? She couldn't answer any of those questions and a sharp pain took place in her chest. Little did she know how long that pain is going to stay there and how much is it going to grow.

Naoki is a bit surprised. Why is he alone? Where is everyone? Although surprised, he couldn't help to feel relieved of finally having a bit of alone time. Then, he realized his cellphone hasn't ringed the whole morning. When he checks it, he sees it is turned off.

· What does this means!? I didn't turned it off… The battery can't be dead because I charged it last night. How did it…? Kotoko!

His already boiling head is about to explode out of anger! How many missed calls concerning delicate patients were missed? How many important consultations from different departments? How careless can she be?

Kotoko arrives at home at 11:40am, just in time to set everything ready: a nice tablecloth, a bottle of wine, a jar of juice, the bentos and side dishes and some freshly cut fruits. She even pick some flowers and puts them in a little glass of water. Everything looks perfect! It's 12:00, so she goes upstairs to call Naoki and get him in the mood for his surprise. She hopes wholeheartedly that this is going to be the event that will change things for the better, but the sharp pain in her chest won't disappear. What does it mean?

· Irie-kun! Lunch is ready! I need you to come downstairs with me, but you must close your eyes and…

· Close my eyes? Do you want me to kill myself by going downstairs with closed eyes?

· Hehe… You're right… but as soon as we reach downstairs, you must definitely close your eyes and…

· I don't have time for lunch.

· But you are working so hard! You must eat!

· I just had a sandwich.

He is being especially cold. His voice sounds lifeless…

· Irie-kun, I'd really like you to come with me. You don't have to close your eyes if you don't want, but…

· Please leave. I need to catch up on all the missed calls that I have. And don't ever touch my cellphone again. Your careless behavior could have killed a couple of patients.

· Your cellphone? I haven't…

· I told you to leave! How come everything is so hard to understand for you!?

· Please, don't yell… I just want to be with you for a bit. I'll be happy with only 20 minutes of your time. I promise to stay quiet if that means I can eat lunch with you…

Tears are trying to escape her eyes, but she is fighting not to shed them. The sharp pain in her chest is growing, and now she feels as of a million needles are poking her hands and face.

· Kotoko, don't you understand? Leave! I want to work!

· It's been awhile since we ate together, that's why I thought…

· You thought? Ha! Please, don't try to amuse me! You just don't know of boundaries when it comes to annoyance.

Kotoko now understands her dad's words. Now she understands why her chest is aching. She understands her place. She doesn't even have any tears in her eyes, but without even her noticing, the sparkle that she always has in her big brown eyes disappears.

· You… you really don't want me around, do you?

· Oh! It's a miracle! She understands something! Sometimes I think you just play dumb to irritate me, but that would mean that you need to concentrate on your acts and that's something nearly impossible to you.

· You don't have to be so mean! You're colder than usual! What did I do to upset you?

· Everything! Everything that you do upsets me!

· So if I disappear you would be at peace!?

· Of course I would! All I need is silence and peace and you're unable to bring those into this marriage!

· Then why did you marry me!?

· Not even I know!

Kotoko expects to feel shock, but somehow, deep in her heart, she already knew this truth…

· Ok, as you wish, I'll leave you alone.

· No, don't worry. I'll be working from Yukki's room. Maybe there I can find some peace and quiet.

· Do as you wish.

Naoki walks towards Yukki's room, but he feels uneasy. This wasn't a usual fight. This time, something was off. What was it? What is the difference between this discussion and other discussions with Kotoko? Even though he is now at Yukki's, he can't concentrate. Why is it always Kotoko who can agitate him this much? He slams the door behind him and puts his all in the book that is open in front of him. In the end, Fallot's tetralogy won't be learnt just by having the book opened…

After 20 minutes, he listens the front door being shut. He knows Kotoko is mad at him but this is not the right time to fix it. He has a lot to do and it's better if she just takes a long walk and comes back home with a clear mind. Did he mean what he told her? Does he really prefers not having her around? Was she not bringing peace to the marriage? Of course it not true, he just keeps finding an awkward and painful pleasure in bullying her. That needed to stop before her mind takes it wrongly… But now, there is a pile of work to do.

Night comes, it's now 9:00pm and Naoki's family arrives to the household, along with Kotoko's father. Naoki goes downstairs to grab a bite and notices something in the backyard. Her mother seems to be noticing the same. There is a nice and cozy picnic displayed, but almost everything seems untouched. Only a tiny glass with colorful flowers has fallen, maybe because of the wind.

Naoki feels a cold hole in his stomach. Is this why she was so insisting? Suddenly, his cellphone's text message ringtone goes off. He checks and what he reads makes him feel mad at himself: "Early today there was an automatic software update in the corporate cellphones and it caused a shutdown that turned off the devices. We apologize for the inconvenience, we are working to improve our system."

· Damn. Damn. Damn… Kotoko… Damn!

Shigeo goes further and opens the bento boxes. They are untouched, as well as the side dishes. He feels he needs to intervene.

· Naoki-kun, where is Kotoko?

· I… I don't know

· What do you mean you don't know? It's 9:00pm!

· She left the house at noon and she didn't tell me where she was going.

· You had a fight, didn't you?

· We… yes…

· And you haven't checked on her, not even sent her a text message?

· I'm sorry otousan. I'm out to get her home right now.

· Don't worry, I'll go get her.

· But I need to talk…

· I said I will go get her! Don't try to fix 2 months of indifference and rudeness with 15 minutes of concern!

Naoki is shocked by Shigeo's words. Not even his mother dared to intervene. Everyone stays in the living room with their gazes fixed to the floor. Naoki walks up his bedroom and closes the door slowly. Since when everyone in the household was getting a grip of Kotoko's and his situation? Since when he was being "indifferent and rude" with her? Was it really 2 months? He dials Kotoko's number, but her phone is turned off. 2 months…?