Author's Notes:
Dear Muse:
Leave me the hell alone! I have better things to do than to dream and transcribe these things for you.
This is a one-shot. Don't ask me to continue it. :)

Minor warning: Implied physical violence involving firearms.

"Asking for her hand."
Asking for his daughter's hand.

Chapter Posted: dec 27 2015 ; WC: ~3k
Chapter Notes:
Some time in the not too distant future, maybe Alexis will meet a man who wants to marry her. Being a gentleman he's going to go the traditional route and ask her father for her hand. Unsure of how to approach the man, he'll ask Beckett first thinking she'll be a soft touch and will be glad to help.

"Detective Beckett," Jones said from the doorway of the department gymnasium, "you have a visitor." he announces before stepping into the room and letting Alexis' young suitor enter behind him.

"Thanks Jonesie" she called out as the young man, anxious to make a good impression, steps forward towards Kate with his hand out to greet her, unaware that the officer stayed in the room and quietly locked the door to the gym behind them.

"I would like to thank you for this chance to talk to you. Detec..." his words and motion frozen by the sight in front of him.

"Sorry about this I'm running a little behind." Kate says offhandedly. She gives him a quick glance and seeing the bag he's carrying she returns to her task for a moment. "I see you brought the change of clothes I suggested. Good."

She turns to look him squarely in the eyes and begins to speak while, as if by magic, her fingers quickly dance across the litter of components in front of her to blindly reassemble her service weapon.

Without breaking eye contact once she begins "I can remember when my dad gave one of my boyfriends the 'dad' talk. It held for about two weeks until he was trying to get into my pants again. That's why, when you asked me about speaking to Alexis' dad to ask for her hand I thought you and I should talk first."

His eyes quickly and nervously dancing between Kate's flying hands and her terrifyingly predatory eyes.

"I'll tell ya." she says lightly "There were a few times in the past that I thought I was in love. Deeply in love. The kind of love the poets speak of. Ya know? The kind they weave wonderful frilly words around to lift your heart and your spirits high. I thought that was it. Then." she says with a little laugh. "Then I met an annoying writer who pestered me and drove me insane. It took a while but I finally realized that I was so deeply in love with him and it was so intense that I almost didn't recognize it. That's when I knew."

Shaking her head she continues with a bright atmosphere to her voice "Really, for the first time I knew what all those poets and lyricists meant with all those wonderful words they spun." Never missing a beat while her hands perform their robotic task she continues to stare deep into his eyes while he stands there the way he came in with his hand still out prepared to shake the detective's hand.

"Gawd! How I loved him." she says almost joyfully and wistfully. "I felt my love for him down to my soul. I knew that for the remainder of the universe's existence I'd found someone whom I could love with all my heart and soul. This was it! I thought I'd never be able to love another person as much as I do him. Until I..."

As she says this last word, she, holding the now assembled weapon in her right hand, picks up the magazine with her left, glances at it to make sure it's full and she swiftly thumbs off the slide lock letting the mechanism snap home with a resounding metallic smack followed by her deftly slamming the magazine home in the weapon and, knowing the chamber is empty, stands up, and grabs him by his cheeks with her left hand, middle finger on his right, thumb on his left and her index finger over his lips faster and smoother than any ninja Castle'd ever imagined could have. Her predatory stare now only a foot away from his face she gently lifts the weapon so it is just under their locked eyes with the muzzle facing him. With her thumb poised above the hammer she quietly and slowly pulls the hammer back one click "met..", then pulls the hammer back the second click so it is fully cocked "Alexis." and she returns her thumb to the grip and her finger still on the trigger guard.

She knew she had his attention by the smell of his now empty bladder. Garnering her the first of the pools.

Quietly she explains "I love that little red-haired angel. It hurts so beautifully to think of how much I love her and how much she means to me and her father. For the first time in my life I know how deep my mother's love for me went. I fully understand the stories of parents giving anything or surrendering their lives for their child. I know that her happiness and safety is all that matters. I love her father and he loves her so his happiness depends on her too and his happiness and safety is the only other thing that I care about."

Moving her face a half inch closer to him, the fire in her eyes scorching these words into him "If you love and cherish her then I wish you all the best. However, there is no power in the 'verse, no power in heaven, no power on earth and no power in hell that will keep you safe if you hurt that woman in any way."

At the incredibly audible gulp he gives off she continues with the satisfaction of knowing she's collecting on the second pool too.

"I will never hear of her telling us that you lied to her. Cheated on her. Hurt her or one of her offspring. Bruised her, physically, emotionally or mentally. An-y-thing" she says emphasizing each syllable. "I will never see her with tear filled eyes telling me that you broke her heart or trust. I will never hear that she found out through the grapevine that you were telling some floozy that you had an open marriage. Noth-ing."

She relaxes her posture only slightly and says "None of this will happen but if, by some cosmically stupid choice you do cause any of these things to happen, I will end you. It will be simple and mostly painless but swift and absolute and it won't give me a moment's pause and I will not give it further thought."

She holds this pose for a moment, marveling at how wide open his eyes are and how deep his trembling is.

Then, with an almost chipper look on her face she pulls back her weapon, thumbs the hammer back down, clicks the safety on and drops it into her holster in a quick and well practiced single motion. She continues to hold his face and his eyes as she says "But I'm not the one you have to worry about. You've heard her mention my other two partners, Kevin, the guy with balls of steel who took apart the Irish mob from the inside while undercover and Javier, ex-soldier, hell, not just a soldier, he was Army Speci-al For-ces." again saying the last words slowly by emphasizing the four distinct syllables. "Single guy with hardly any family to concern himself with. A guy with a dark dark past he never talks about. These two men love that woman as if she were their own child. I can see in Kevin the same love for Alexis that he holds for his own daughter. Javier, well, Javier is smitten with the girl he calls Little Castle. When something happened to her father it was Javier who was first at her side to give her strength and hope."

Slowly she eases back from the guy's face a tiny bit. "They are the ones you have to worry about. They will, with all the hate and anger that I have, take great pleasure in making you suffer. They will make you suffer with all the love they have for Alexis. There will be pain. Great pain. There will be screaming. Loud screaming and there will be crying by you all to no avail. When they finish you they will do so by putting a weapon to your head, cocking it, and putting your finger on the trigger and you will give off giddy and joyful laughter as you squeeze the trigger to end yourself. They will turn your lifeless carcass over to the medical examiner, another friend who loves that precious girl more than anyone can imagine and she will declare your death to be accidental, self-inflicted or unable to be determined and your remains will disappear from this earth never to be found again. Possibly to be eaten by wharf rats at the waterfront or in the woods for the wild animals to feast on. Who knows?" she says with a shrug "But your family and friends? They will never know what happened to you and they will never have anything to remember your existence by."

"And then, after all that, we will all gather around that sweet darling and offer her our love, sympathy, condolences and help her through her pain to come out the other side and love again."

At this point, she can now smell that she's going to collect on the third pool too.

She lets go of his face. He's still frozen in the exact same pose as when she started and she reaches out with her right hand, shakes his still stiffly extended hand and says, very cheerfully "I'm glad we had a chance to have this little talk. If you still want to talk to her father, just let me know or give him a call." before she turns to pick up her belongings. "Officer Jones there will escort you to the locker room and showers so you can clean up. Don't dawdle. We're all expected to meet at Remy's in an hour. You can throw your soiled clothes in the trash in the locker room." she finishes cleaning up and picks up her bag, turns and walks over to the video camera on the table next to where they were standing, turns it off and drops it into her bag. Pats him on the back and says "Nice chat." before giving Jones a 'high-five' on the way out the door.

As they all meet at Remy's a little later on, Kevin, Javi, and Lanie are hunched together in the secluded booth in the back they've all come to think of as 'Their's' all hysterically laughing together.

Kate, sits across from them with a truly satisfied smile on her face while she takes another draw of her strawberry shake and waits for them to finish the video with the audio down low so only they can hear it.

Every so often someone asks for it to be rewound a few seconds to watch again how Kate offered her best wishes to the young man on his future endeavor while they laugh again.

Finally, the video watched, Kate pulls the little memory card out, puts it into a small holder, slides that into her bra and says, "I am not losing this." while patting it to renewed laughter.

The three keep giggling and trying to collect themselves as Lanie moves around to sit next to Kate. "I've told you before honey, you're going to be a great mom and now you have proof."

Blushing somewhat shyly "Thanks Lanie."

"Beckett," Ryan says between deep breaths, "Can you transcribe that for me? I'd like to have a script to work from when Sarah-grace comes of age." and breaks into laughter again.

Esposito keeps shaking his head. "Dammit Beckett, that was impressive. I've seen guys in the service who were specially trained for the sole purpose of intimidation and they've got nothing on you."

"Thanks 'Zito." she smiles pushing the plate of fries between them towards him. "I gotta say, it was freakin' satisfying to do this. I think I understand why my dad used to walk around grinning for days after having met my dates."

Lanie quietly, looking off unfocused, says "I'd never imagined that you'd be able to visibly see when a guy evacuates in his pants like that." triggering the four to erupt in deep laughter again.

As the laughter died down Esposito looks up, "I meant to ask, did you pay Jonsie?"

The smirk on her face is almost uncontrollable "I tried. I pulled out the hundred and held it out to him and he flatly refused it. He said he'd have paid that hundred just to watch what happened. Which reminds me, Javi, can you make sure Tori gets the camera back?" she says reaching back into her bag to get it "Castle wants to take me and Alexis out after we leave here so I won't be able to." she says passing him back the unit.

"I will but she's going to ask me what it was for. What do you want me to say?" he asks grinning.

"Tell her I'll let her see the video." Kate says with a wink.

"I didn't hear all of it but enough to know it was good. Did you write it yourself?" Ryan asks.

"Yeah, just kinda though about the kid and what my dad would've done. Then remembered I have a badge." she says laughing just as her phone rings. "Okay, keep it down, this is Castle." she says giving the phone a swipe "Hey babe." while the others look on and keep giving each other knowing glances as she twirls a loose strand of hair around her finger. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, we're all here. Okay, well we'll see you when you get here then." she says closing the call.

The six expectant eyes staring at her don't make her uncomfortable.

"Spill!" Lanie barks.

"Oh! Sorry guys." she says disingenuously. "Castle and Alexis will be here shortly, it seems her beau might have caught a stomach bug and had to go home." to more roaring laughter.

When this wave of hysterics dies down, Javi asks her "Do you... gawd, my stomach hurts" he groans with a smile "are you going to tell Castle about this?"

"I don't know, do you guys think I should?" she asks unsure.

Lanie's the first to answer. "Yes! He needs to see this, as does Martha."

Taking deep calming breaths still Ryan 'tut-tuts' the idea. "No, keep it from Castle until after this guy makes his move or joins a monastery." he says as they erupt into hysterics again.

The M-E nudges her friend and says "Can you imagine this. Lets say he does marry her and they live happily ever after. In fifty or sixty years, the two of them sitting in the living room, her knitting, him watching the Jetson's version of Jeopardy when he says 'Honey, did I ever tell you your step-mother threatened to end me when I was going to propose?'" causing another fit of hysterics from the three friends.

"Beckett, you need to put that video in a safe-deposit box for her old age." Ryan offers before he sits up "Better yet, give it to her when her first daughter reaches fifteen and starts wanting to date!" which generates yet another round of laughter.

The waitress comes around and asks if they want anything, possibly trying to encourage them to vacate the table. Kate simply plops another hundred on the table and says "We'll take a plate of onion rings and refills on all our drinks please. This round's on me and my new found fortune." cracking herself up.

When the two Castles show up, the four are still wiping their eyes and periodically breaking into giggles for no apparant reason.

"Hey! Castle m'man!" Esposito says standing up to give them room to sit down only to be pushed back into the seat by Lanie opening up the seat next to Kate and giving Javi a scorching look before sitting next to him.

"So, how you and little Castle doing today?" Ryan asks with a stupid grin on his face.

Alexis looks across the table at Lanie, narrows her eyes, then looks at Javi who's covering his mouth while chewing and still laughing and Ryan who's wiping his eyes of tears. She nudges her father "They look like the tree fabled monkeys, See no evil, Speak no evil, and... Oh, sorry, I got you mixed up" she says with a snarky edge "this one's do lots of dirty things." directing her gaze towards the doctor.

"What's going on with the three of you." the bewildered author asks causing Kate to cough a little while drinking her shake. "Okay, make that four. What are you four up to?" he demands.

"Nothin' bro." the detective in the middle says trying to keep a straight face and nudging the people on either side of him, "Just talking about a training video we saw earlier." causing the four friends to collapse in hysterical laughter yet again.

Father and daughter look at each other and shrug their shoulders before grabbing menus convinced they'll only learn of the joke when the others decide to share it.

Ryan's the one who dares to dance on the edge. "Hey Alexis, what happened to your date?" he asks obviously fighting hard to keep in control.

She looks at her dad then Kate with a bewildered look before she says "He just called me and said he was feeling awful and was going to go home to take something to settle his stomach." which immediately triggers a coughing fit in three across from them.

Castle quietly turns to his partner "Kate?" he asks gently only to have her wave him off "Don't ask. I'll tell you later, in a couple of days when everything settles down." while she tries to wipe her eyes without destroying her makeup.