*This was written for the HaruRinHaru Christmas Exchange 2015, which is a collection on Ao3, but I'm not one to deprive my readers of a story. I wrote it for baka_tsumibito so without her prompts, this could've been very different. It's super long and I hope you like it! :)

dark clouds that shouldn't be

you swim free?

There it is. There it has been. And there it will always be, etched on Haru's upper thigh like a scar that no one else is allowed to see.

It's Haruka Nanase's soulmark and he absolutely detests it. Not because of the small, loopy handwriting that it's in or that it's in all lowercase (which, why?). Not because of the implications that it brings with it of who he'll be or what he likes to do. No.

He just detests the fact that he doesn't know how long it'll be before he gets to hear those words. He's only nine, but that's young enough for him to decide that he gets to choose who he wants to fall in love with.

And no stupid soulmark will tell him otherwise.

Makoto tells him that a new kid came into their class on the day that Haru as absent. Haru just shrugs and tries not to wonder if his mom and dad will still be fighting when he gets home that day.

Haru sees him the next day and Haru thinks he has strange hair. His name is Rin, and that's all Haru really needs to know.

Rin is not brought up again.

Haru hopes they're still not fighting.

It is twenty-four days later when Haru realizes that Rin Matsuoka is kind of cute. Not the kind of cute that Haru thinks when he looks at a puppy. Not the kind of cute that Haru thinks when he looks at Makoto's little siblings. No. Instead, it's the kind of cute in which Haru wonders what it'd be like to kiss a boy (Rin, especially).

The kind of cute Makoto brings up when he's talking about that girl in their class. That kind of cute Haru sees in movies and such, and Haru doesn't really know what to do about it.

"Do you have a crush, Makoto?" Haru asks one day, precisely two days after his small (yet quite large) revelation.

"Not really. Do you?" Makoto asks, chewing on the sandwich that his nice mother probably made for him.

Haru takes a small bite of the apple he packed at the last minute and stares ahead.

"I don't know," is what he finally says.

Makoto doesn't do anything except hum happily in response.

(It's not helpful.)

"Say, Haru, are there any cute girls at school that have caught your eye?" His mother asks him almost nonchalantly at the dinner table one day. Haru can tell it's just to change the subject (before his parents were arguing over the meal). His father sighs and pokes at the piece of fish on his plate angrily.

"He's nine, sweetie," he points out. His mother simply rolls her eyes.

"Well, maybe he likes somebody! Stop assuming things," she hisses. Haru doesn't want to talk about any of this much less beautiful Rin in his class.

His mother and father aren't soulmates. In fact, they're soulmarks don't even match up to be a conversation. His mother's is don't you look nice while his father's is stop running!

However, they think the whole concept is stupid and when Haru's mother found out she was pregnant, they decided to get married. Haru doesn't know if it was the best decision.

He zones back in when his mother angrily slams down her cup. Haru watches as she takes a deep breath, closes her eyes, and then opens them again, a chipper and fake smile etched on her face.

"So, hear about the new neighbors?"

His father scoffs and shakes his head. "Yeah. You mean the queer ones, right?"

His mother sneers and nods. "I hope they keep their disgusting habits to themselves. If I have to deal with any types of public display from the pair of them, I'll report them. This was supposed to be a family-safe neighborhood!"

Haru doesn't know what's happening. Apparently, their new neighbors are disgusting.

"I agree. Two men? It's an abomination and disgusting. They shouldn't even be allowed to live here. We should file a report."

Haru's grip on his cup tightens and he thinks of beautiful Rin. Disgusting disgusting disgusting.

His mother scoffs and says something in return, but Haru can't focus on her words. He can't focus. Rin Rin boys boys boys. Haru looks up at them and they seem to be caught up in their hate for their neighbors together.

Haru supposes he's happy they seem to agree on something.

(He wants to cry.)

Makoto's soulmark could mean something, Haru thinks. His is our friends are idiots, aren't they? And Makoto swears it has something to do with Haru. Haru doesn't think so, but he secretly hopes so. Makoto's soulmark is large and is plastered on his upper left shoulder. The handwriting is large yet messy. Makoto thinks it's cute. Haru thinks it looks irritating.

(He doesn't ever say that of course.)

"When do you think we'll meet ours?" Makoto asks when he and Haru are sitting together on a bench on the beach. Haru subconsciously rubs at his thigh and shrugs.

"Could be anytime. I don't know."

"I think it'll be soon. For both of us," Makoto says, pressing his feet down into the sand. Haru just shrugs again.

Like he cares.

(He does; he's terrified.)

Haruka started swimming when he was seven years old and a local swim club opened up just down his street. His mother forced him to go and Haru just went along with it, supposing his mother would win either way since the implications are pretty much tattooed on his skin.

He loves it and even though the first couple of months in the Iwatobi swimming club/team were him petulantly ignoring everyone until they'd call his mother or father, he soon became quite a prodigy.

Not like Haru cared for titles.

He just liked the water. He just liked the feel of freedom he felt when swimming. And no matter how much he tried to rebel against his soulmark by trying out the other types of swimming, he couldn't love the others nearly as much as he did for freestyle.

Just the name was enough of an appeal for him.

To be free.

Haru saw Rin Matsuoka crying at the end of their school park today. A teacher came out while Haru and Makoto were sitting, wondering the endless possibilities of life, and put a hand on Rin's shoulder and told him something.

Haru doesn't know what happened, but he knows he doesn't like the sight of tears streaming down such a beautiful boy's face. He knows he doesn't like the sight of their teacher trying to hush the boy or the boy running far far away.

Haru watches him run. He watches the legs move with such precision, with such determination, and Haru wants to run too.

He wants to run and never come back.

His mother and father have started fighting in different terms now.

(He hopes Rin is okay.)

"You swim free?"

The words sent a jolt through Haru's body and he freezes right where he is, so terrified of turning around. It was a boy's voice who said that, and Haru's only ten, but he knows that his parents won't like that one bit.

Haru closes his eyes and breathes in and out in and out in and out and decides to say something so normal that it won't cause any type of realization on the boy's part. He swings around, ready for anything he feels like, but upon seeing that the boy who said those very words etched on his thigh was indeed Rin Matsuoka, he draws a blank.

"Hi," he breathes out, and the boy's eyes widen just a bit before gesturing toward his arm, where the words hi are written in Haru's handwriting.

"You don't happen to be my soulmate, do you?" Haru can hear the hopefulness in Rin's voice, but Haru can't allow anything to happen. Rin's a boy. He's a boy, and that's everything Haru was scared of him being.

(He's also relieved.)

So Haru shakes his head and gives a shy smile. "No, sorry."

He sees Rin let out a disappointed sigh, but he smiles to cover it up. Haru thinks he should always be happy.

"Well, whatever. I'm only ten. Anyway, you're in my class, right? I didn't know you swam."

Haru just nods. "Yes, I swim free." The boy laughs, clearly pleased with what's going on, and Haru studies him up close.

This is his soulmate. This is the Moment. The moment when Haru meets the person he'll love forever.

Except he's a boy.

And Haru's only ten. Haru's only ten and is attracted to boys and it shouldn't be a problem, but thinking back on how his parents think about their neighbors, it is most definitely a problem.

"Well, that's cool," Rin says, breaking his thoughts. Haru blinks. What were they talking about again?

"Yes," Haru responds. He keeps his gaze on Rin. "Do you want to swim with me?" Haru's surprised. He doesn't usually offer that (he's never offered that), but the way Rin lights up makes up for it.

"Sounds cool," Rin responds happily.

Haru is ten and wants to kiss him.

He dives into the pool instead.

Haru didn't mean to ask about Rin's parents, but suddenly they came up and Rin goes so very still beside him.

"My dad died," Rin says. "He died just a year ago now."

Haru is reminded of the day the teacher told Rin something that made him run away and thinks that was the day that he was told his father died. Haru studies him, and wants to hug him and never let go.

Rin is eleven and the sadness in his eyes is too much for such a young boy. It's too much for anyone on this earth to have. Haru leans into Rin, and Rin bites his lip.

Haru likes the warmth of Rin's skin. He likes Rin and all the things he's learned about him in the past couple of months.

Haru likes Rin and it's so obvious that he would, but he's still surprised when he gets the urge to kiss him every time they as much as hang out.

It's awful because Rin's a boy and his parents are fighting even more than usual and Haru hates it all to be honest.

Haru takes Rin's hand in his and squeezes it. Rin automatically pulls back, breaths coming out in small huffs and eyes studying haru.

"I think I like boys, Haru," Rin whispers. "Is that a bad thing?"

Haru hates who he is in that moment.

"No, it's not a bad thing. Of course not, Rin."

Rin smiles and puts his head on Haru's shoulder. Haru closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath.

If only Haru believed his own words.

Haru is fifteen when he has his first kiss. It's awful and forced. It happened during a party (of course it did) and Haru hates parties, but Rin begged him to go so he did.

(Where is Rin?)

He's sitting in a circle, people he barely knows surrounding him and they're playing some stupid bottle game and the next thing he knows he's kissing someone and it's not Rin.

It's a girl. She's small and pretty looking, but Haru can't and won't focus. He doesn't want to be here and the soulmark on his thigh feels like it is burning.

It's everything wrong and somebody is laughing and wasn't Makoto also here? He stands up abruptly and rushes outside. He hears laughter and when he looks to the right, he sees Rin, his body pressed back up against a wall and his hands pulling at whoever is lucky enough to kiss him.

Rin's fifteen and thinks he owns the world.

Haru's fifteen and thinks that the world sucks.

Haru rushes back inside and sees Makoto, talking to a boy and pulls at his arm. Makoto looks at him in surprise.

"Haru? Is something wrong?" He asks, and Haru wants to scream that of course something is wrong! Why wouldn't something be wrong when Rin is kissing a boy that's not him? Why wouldn't something be wrong when Haru hates himself every day for not being able to fall in love with a girl and just have his parents like him for once? Why wouldn't something be wrong when Haru is so ashamed of even breathing?

Of course all he says is, "Can we get out of here?"

Makoto doesn't even skip a beat before grabbing onto Haru's arm and rushing them outside. Haru didn't even realize he was crying until Makoto starts to hug him and pat his back saying that's it all going to be okay and that he's strong and can get through this.

Haru doesn't want to get through this.

He just wants to be happy.

(He just wants to kiss Rin.)

There's a new kid and his name is Sousuke and Rin adores him. Apparently, they used to know each other and Haru doesn't really know how, but it's a thing and he hates it. He hates it because he's jealous of the way Rin and Sousuke are with each other and he thinks that Rin is in love with him or something. Why else would he act like that?

Needless to say, Haru soon stops being jealous when Rin invites him and Rin and Nagisa and Rei all out to a karaoke night with Sousuke.

He agrees because he doesn't want to think about what might happen if he's not there.

And it's when he and Makoto get there that Rin pulls him into a duet with him, and as they're singing some stupid pop song, he hears Sousuke's words loud and clear.

"Our friends are idiots, aren't they?" It was directed at Makoto and Haru goes so very still that even Rin stops singing. He watches Makoto's eyes widen in shock and he looks over at Haru and then back at Sousuke, who doesn't have a clue on what's going on.

"Yeah, but we love them," Makoto responds, and this time, it's Sousuke's turn to become shocked.

"Shit," Rin whispers. He looks at Haru and smiles happily. "I didn't even think! Damn! Celebration, guys!" And then Rin is pulling at Haru and Haru is following and the jealousy that was once there is now thrown over his shoulder as he watches Makoto and Sousuke interact, blushes evident on their faces.

It's later on that night do Makoto and Sousuke share a heated kiss upon request of everyone and Rin cheers loudly, his entire body pressed into Haru's repeatedly. Haru looks at him then and sees his soulmate again and wonders if he'll ever get the nerve to tell Rin.

After everyone goes home, Rin pressures Haru into going on a walk with him and Haru knows he has something to say.

"I'm kind of jealous, you know?" Rin says, cutting through the clear, chilly wind of the sky. Haru can only see dark clouds that shouldn't be. He doesn't say anything, allowing Rin to continue. "I mean…Rei and Nagisa found each other when they were fourteen and Makoto and Sousuke get to find each other when they were only sixteen and seventeen. I'm jealous? Like…everyone around me is finding their soulmates, except for me. And you, obviously. God, is it wrong to be so jealous?"

Haru is so very still. He blinks once twice three times and bites his lip. "It's fine to be jealous." He wants to say that he and Rin beat them all. They were ten. They were ten when they found each other, but Haru's too afraid to say anything because he's too afraid of his own cruel parents.

Rin turns to him. "Is it though? It's stupid. My mark is so stupid and I've heard the word "hi" so many times now, and none of them are it, you know? And I know I'm still young and all, but why can't I find my soulmate now too? How long will I have to wait? How long until I can finally say that I'm in love?"

Haru stops walking and Rin does the same. "I think you aren't limited to love only one person. I just think that your soulmate is the one you'll love the most."

"That makes sense," is what Rin responds with and he sighs, shifting his posture a bit. Haru looks back up at him and then looks back up at the sky.

He still can only see dark clouds.

"Yeah. It makes sense," Haru breathes out. Rin starts walking again. Haru follows.

There isn't much else to it.

Haru's parents used to love Rin. They would invite him over for dinner and always offer to have him stay over, but then it slipped one night that Rin liked boys and it was like a switch went off in their minds.

They hated Rin.

They hated that he was Haru's best friend and they hated that maybe Rin was poisoning Haru's mind with disgusting ideas.

Two men?

Disgusting.

And Rin was over today, sprawled out on Rin's bed with textbooks surrounding them. He was helping Rin study for their English test because Haru was so very bad at learning English.

And when his mother walks in, a scowl immediately comes forth when she spots Rin.

"Haruka, dinner is ready," she says. Haru just nods.

"Rin, do you want to stay for dinner?" he asks just to piss his mother off. His mother gives a forced laugh.

"Surely his parents want him home soon?" she asks, and if that wasn't obvious, Haru doesn't know what is. Rin knows that Haru's parents don't like boys who like boys or girls who like girls so he smiles widely.

"No, my parents don't care. Sounds awesome, Haru," he says because he knows how much Haru likes pissing off his parents. Haru smiles at him, feeling giddy in his stomach. His mother purses her lips and shrugs.

"Well, it's ready. Some come eat, boys," she ends, even slamming the door a bit. Haru rolls his eyes.

"You even hungry?" He asks Rin and Rin shakes his head, a large grin on his face.

"Nah," he responds. Haru just laughs and tugs at his shirt.

"Well, I am, so get up and eat with me."

Rin sighs and stands up. He fixes Haru with a leveled gaze. "Only for you, Haru."

Haru tries to ignore the way his stomach seems to drop to the ground at those words.

(It doesn't necessarily work.)

Rin is seventeen today and the first person he talks to is Haru. It's one-forty in the morning when he calls Haru.

"Hello?" Haru yawns.

"Hey, Haru," rin whispers.

"Rin? What's up? Oh yeah, happy birthday," he says, yawning again. Rin lets out a short scoff and Haru fully sits up in his bed. Something is wrong.

"Yeah. Happy birthday to me, right?" Rin says, his voice cutting through like a sharp knife.

"What's wrong?"

"I think I'm in love with somebody, Haru," Rin whispers and it's terrified is the thing. It's terrified and terrifying and Haru's whole body freezes. Love love love such a scary thing.

"Oh yeah?" Haru chokes out and he doesn't know what to say. When did Rin fall in love with somebody? When did that happen?

Rin lets out a laugh and it's cruel is the thing. It sounds false and forced and so much hopelessness fills Haru from the core to his mind.

"Yeah. Do you think I should do something?"

Haru shuts his eyes and sighs. "I don't know, Rin. It's up to you."

"He's not my soulmate," Rin says, and Haru's heart freezes in his chest. No, he wouldn't be, would he? Because Haru is his soulmate. Because Haru is his soulmate and maybe Haru should've told him all those years ago.

His thigh burns with lies.

"So what? If you love him you love him," Haru responds and why did Rin have to call him? Why did he have to know this?

Who did Rin fall in love with?

(Haru wants to scream how unfair.)

"I guess…." Rin whispers. Haru doesn't want to do this anymore.

"Rin, I'm tired. Can we have this talk another time?" he says, faking another yawn even though he's the last thing from tired.

Rin just sighs again. "Yeah. Sorry, Haru. Get to sleep."

"Yeah. Happy birthday, Rin. Good night."

He hangs up before Rin gets another chance to respond. Haru just sits there, breathing hard in…out in out in out in out in out and fuck, it hurts too goddamned much.

"Fuck," he whispers out loud and he isn't usually one to curse, but it's the only thing appropriate right now.

Haru wants to rip out the marking on his skin and claim love is for fools.

Instead he lies down and stares at the empty spot beside them wondering how it'd feel if Rin was there with him.

Haru's seventeen and wishes he never met Rin Matsuoka.

They don't talk about it again. In fact, it's not even mentioned. It's as if it never happened and suddenly months have gone by and it's almost Haru's birthday.

"Are you doing anything for your birthday, Haru?" Makoto asks and Haru looks up at him and then at Rin who's also peering at him. His hi soulmark is so very visible and Haru swallows the air.

(Rin is in love with somebody.)

"I don't know. I still have a couple of weeks," he says.

(Is it Makoto?)

Makoto frowns. "You have one week, Haru." And what, really?

(Maybe it's Sousuke.)

"Oh," he says.

(But Makoto and Sousuke are soul mates. Would Rin fall in love with a Taken?)

Makoto laughs. "Well, don't plan anything. We have a surprise we want to do."

(Maybe Haru doesn't even know them?)

"It's not really a surprise if you tell him, Makoto," Rin finally adds, rolling his eyes a bit.

(Somehow Haru not knowing who it is makes it hurt even more.)

"Well, he doesn't know what we're going to do!" Makoto protests.

(Haru wishes Rin never told him anything.)

Rin laughs. "I don't even know what we're doing! It seems you just made this up all right now!"

(Haru wonders if he told him.)

"Whatever you decide to do is cool," Haru feels himself saying. He doesn't really care to be honest, but he knows Makoto really wants to throw him a party or something.

Makoto smiles. Rin doesn't.

Haru just looks down.

His parents give him money for his birthday, which is nice. Haru can buy new swimsuits with it.

They also tell him on his birthday that they are getting divorced.

All in all, what a lively birthday so far. Rin calls him at ten in the morning and declares that he's coming over. And when Rin asks, "How's your day so far?"

Haru responds with, "They're getting divorced" and before he knows it, Rin is hugging him.

"Sorry, Haru," Rin says and Haru just shrugs.

"It's all right. I've been expecting it for a while now."

Rin jut hugs him tighter.

"Yeah, but still. And they told you today? On your birthday?"

"Yeah. Kind of crappy, I suppose," Haru mumbles into Rin's shoulder. God, he's so warm.

"Very crappy," Rin agrees, hugging him even tighter. When Rin lets go, Haru shrugs again.

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

His "surprise" birthday party is at Nagisa's house with his brand new pool.

"Happy birthday, Haru-chan!" Nagisa exclaims, hugging him close, Rei right beside him. Is there ever a time when they aren't right beside each other?

"Thanks," he mumbles and now Rei is hugging him, repeating Nagisa's words.

They swim for a bit, playing dumb games and Makoto and Sousuke are particularly in love tonight which…ew. And then the sky gets dark and Rin is asking Haru if they can talk alone.

The other four boys watch them as Rin leads Haru toward Nagisa's room.

"I got you a present," Rin says, pushing the present into Haru's hands.

Haru sits on Nagisa's bed and looks up at Rin who's nervously shifting on his feet.

"What is it?" Haru asks.

"Well, open it, idiot," Rin responds. Haru raises an eyebrow.

Haru sighs and unwraps it slowly, much to Rin's displeasure. The first thing Haru comes upon are coupons and gift cards to Haru's favorite restaurant that's super expensive and serves the best mackerel.

Haru looks up at Rin who just shrugs and gives a shy smile. Haru thinks he's very cute and he keeps digging into the package.

It's a bracelet. And a very beautiful one at that. There are two strands of the metal bracelet that meet each other in the middle, and on one of the strands the word "hi" is engraved and on the other, the words "you swim free?" are clearly visible.

Haru stops in his tracks as he blinks down at the so very thoughtful gift. What does this gift mean? (Does it mean anything?)

Rin smiles at him. "We may not be soulmates, Haru, but I'm so thankful you are in my life. I love you so much, you know? And I'll never forget our first words because it marked the beginning of our relationship."

Haru just stares at him as he grips the bracelet harder in his hand. Rin is beautiful Rin is beautiful Rin is beautiful Rin is so fucking beautiful and Haru wishes he allowed himself to fall in love with him quicker.

Love love love.

Boys boys boys.

Haru shuts his eyes and presses down on his thigh. Should he tell Rin? He deserves to know, right?

But he's in love.

(And he's not in love with Haru.)

(He doesn't deserve to tell him.)

Haru leans forward and hugs Rin to him, Rin going instantly lax in his arms. So soft, so warm, so everything Haruka Nanase loves about Rin Matsuoka.

"Thank you," Haru whispers and it's like it's a secret. It's like it's something no one else would ever get to know. It's like love and that scares Haru the most.

(It is love.)

"You're welcome," Rin whispers just as softly back.

(Definitely love.)

Haru's mother left without saying goodbye. Haru woke up to his father angrily leaving voice messages on his mother's voice mail and when he managed to wander into the kitchen, he found his father fuming, and it didn't take long for him to tell Haru that she supposedly found her soulmate and decided she didn't want to take part in their life at all.

Haru doesn't get why it's such a big deal since they were getting divorced anyway, but then his father goes on to say how she left without as much of a warning. Just a note that said, "I found my don't you look nice. Good luck finding your stop running! Tell Haruka that I'll contact him one day when I get into better shape and that I think he and Rin would make a lovely couple".

Haru doesn't know what to say and his father is crying into his shoulder and telling him that they were stupid for being so cruel to Haru and that he and Rin really did make such a lovely couple and Haru can't focus on anything at all except the stars in his eyes and the sadness and beauty in Rin's and why did it have to happen like this what is going on he needs to tell Rin he needs to tell Rin he needs to tell Rin.

"I'm so sorry, Haruka," his father cries, and Haru just sits there, so utterly and completely still because how is this happening? How did this happen? "I'm so sorry fuck I do love you." And when Haru starts crying too, he doesn't even know what it's for. He doesn't know if it's because he's been in love with Rin for seven years and Rin is in love with somebody else and his mother just left for who knows how long and his father is here, crying and telling him for the first time in such a long time that he loves him.

That he actually loves Haru and it's all and everything that Haru needed to hear.

"I love you too, Dad," he chokes out and his father squeezes him tighter and it's not Rin's embrace but it's nice and he wonders when his father will get to experience meeting his soulmate. He wonders when it'll happen and he wonders if this was his last day on this miserable fucking planet what he be doing himself?

He wants to be with Rin.

And fuck, Haruka Nanase may only be eighteen years old and so angry at the world, but so in love with the oceans and skies, but he knows with such a strong certainty that he wants to spend the rest of his life with one Rin Matsuoka.

Fuck, does he want to be with Rin Matsuoka so if he's choking his words out to his father who loves him about how Rin is his soulmate but he's screwed it all up because Rin is in love with somebody else, then let him.

His father smiles at him and nods and just says twelve little words. Twelve little words that come crashing down on Haru like a waterfall, like a meteor, like an earthquake opening up and maybe just maybe Haru should've realized on his own.

"That boy has been in love with you since he met you."

(Haru can't stop crying.)

Haru calls Rin the next day and says he needs to tell him something so Rin suggests an old park they used to hang out in and Haru agrees.

Haru gets there first, but he only has to wait for a few minutes before he sees Rin walking up, hands stuffed in his pockets, and Haru can't believe he was lucky enough to fall in love with this boy.

It's a little humid out, but Haru doesn't mind. In fact, he enjoys the feel of it and he holds onto the weather he is enjoying just in case Rin decides to hate him and never speak to him again after he reveals what he's about to reveal.

He's wearing the bracelet Rin gave him and Rin spots it and smiles a bit. Haru just wants to kiss him and never stop.

"Yo, Haru," Rin says, stopping right in front of Haru, and Haru can't wait any longer, so there he is pulling up his pants to reveal his soulmark. Rin doesn't get it at first since he's not even looking, but when he does catch sight of it, his eyes go wide and Haru can actually hear the breath he sucks in.

"Is that—"

"Yeah."

"But—"

"I know. I'm so sorry."

Rin's gaze flicks up to meet Haru's and Haru is still just standing there. He can see a myriad of emotions pass over Rin's face going from confusion to shock to relief and finally landing on a mixture of anger and happiness. Rin decides, however, to focus on the former.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he hisses and then he's running his hands through his hair angrily and glaring at Haru. "What the fuck, Haru! What the fuck?! Why didn't you tell me? I even asked you! I even asked you when we met and you said no!"

"I'm sorry," is all Haru can say, but he knows it's not enough. Nothing will ever be enough. Rin scoffs and looks back down at the soulmark, breath hitching again.

"That's my handwriting," he whispers and it's as if he's astonished, as if he can't believe this is happening, and then, he's hugging Haru so tightly. "Why didn't you tell me?" He pulls back and Haru sees the tears, but he can't talk about that now. Rin asked him why.

"I was ten, Rin. I was ten and so afraid because you were a boy and you weren't supposed to be. You weren't supposed to be a boy, Rin."

"Your parents," Rin suddenly whispers and Haru just nods, laughing weakly and fully detaching from Rin's embrace. Too much too much too much.

"My parents," Haru confirms and Rin lets out a long sigh.

"Haru, I didn't even know you were gay. I mean, what am I supposed to do? Fuck."

"I don't know, Rin," Haru says, and it's the truth. He doesn't know. He has no fucking clue.

Rin fixes him with a leveled look and bites his lip.

"I am in love with you, and I mean, I didn't think it was a big deal. I didn't think i'd actually ever tell you. I just thought it was like that thing you told me. I thought you weren't my soulmate and no matter how much I wished you were, I thought you weren't and I had accepted that fact? Fuck, Haru, I cried myself to sleep so many different nights just because I thought of how much I wanted you to be my soulmate and now…you just are? But you didn't tell me? And I…I get it, Haru. I do, but I'm so upset at you right now. So so angry and no matter how much I love you, and I do, so so much, I swear that I do, I need to be angry, you know? This isn't fair. And I'm so pissed."

It's a lot for Haru to take in and he can only nod. And Rin just lets out another stupid sigh and Haru suddenly feels so cold.

Rin has every right to feel mad at him, Haru keeps trying to remind himself, but it still hurts. It still hurts because—wait.

"You're in love with me?" Haru gasps out and Rin lets out another sad smile.

"Most definitely, Haruka Nanase," he says, and well, shit.

"I'm in love with you too. Have been for the past eight years and seeing you kiss that boy when you were fifteen at that stupid party you forced me to go to was hell. I cried for hours and that's why I left by the way, and every time you do something sweet for me, I want to kiss you. Hell, I want to kiss you now even though I know I don't deserve it because I've been so selfish. But I am sorry, Rin. Really, I am. I was scared and now I'm not anymore and my mom left but it's okay. It's okay because they don't care anymore and I just want to tell you so much tha—"

"Your mom left?" Rin suddenly cuts in, and Haru blinks, startled into reality. He swallows and nods.

"Yeah. Yesterday morning," he says, and Rin is gaping at him.

"She just left?!"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Rin asks, and really? That's all he gets from all of that.

"Oh, I don't know! Probably because my father was crying on my shoulder telling me that it was okay to like boys and I was realizing just how much I loved you for the first time! I mean, what the hell, Rin? I'm sorry?"

Rin blinks. And blinks again. And once more until he's surging forward and bringing Haru's face closer to him so close that he thinks they might kiss, but instead, Rin just rests his forehead on Haru's.

"I'm sorry your mother left, Haru," he mumbles.

"I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, Rin. I'm sorry for making you wait so long," Haru answers, and Rin just quirks his lips up a bit and pulls back.

"Well, I'm still pissed at you so no matter how much I kind of want to kiss you right now, I'm not going to. I do love you by the way. I've loved you for so long and I am actually very happy that you're it for me. I'm so so happy," Rin confesses and Haru sputters a bit. He just admitted to Haru that he wants to kiss him. He just said that.

Fuck this.

Haru leans forward, grabbing a hold onto Rin's hair and pushes him forward, and presses his lips on Rin's very much soft ones. At first, it's like nothing at all happened, and then he presses in just a bit and Rin lets out a soft whimper and fuck, now it's like everything happened.

Rin's hands are on Haru's back and it feels so hot and heated and Haru can't ever get enough of this. He smiles against Rin's and Rin does so too and now Rin is rubbing Haru's back up and down up and down and Haru never realized how soft Sin's hair was until now holy damn.

Haru pulls back a bit and Rin doesn't even let up, just traveling down to his neck instead, kissing at the area so softly that Haru wants to scream with frustration.

"I'm sorry, Rin," he gasps and Rin is still fucking kissing at his neck and it's like every single nerve in his body has exploded fuck fuck fuck.

"I forgive you, Haru," Rin mutters softly against Haru's skin and Haru doesn't know what to do fucking hell. Rin kisses his way back up Haru's neck and lightly presses his lips back on Haru's lips, licking into his mouth with a kind of want that Haru has never experienced.

"I'm still sorry," Haru manages to say before gasping again as Rin starts to fucking nibble on his ear, those sharp teeth of his only causing shivers to make its way down Haru's whole body.

"I know, Haru. It's okay. It's okay. I love you so much," Rin says, pressing his lips once again on Haru's and god, Haru can't handle this and they're in a park and what is he supposed to do.

"I love you, Rin," Haru says because it's true. It's so undeniably true and it feels so so good being able to finally say it out loud. It feels so so good to finally kiss Rin and have Rin kiss him back and Haru doesn't think he's ever been happier and more sexually frustrated in his entire life.

Rin unlatches himself from Haru and pants before smiling widely and saying, "Let's go somewhere."

"Where?"

"Does it matter?"

"No."

And so they go everywhere.

The next morning, Haru wakes up in Rin's bed with Rin tracing the words on Haru's thigh. Haru blinks, remembering the chaos of last night.

Last night— with hushed moans and flushed bodies and the "I love yous" pressed into each other's mouths. Last night— with the silent laughs and the "this is my first time, don't laughs" and the "I can't believe I'm finally doing this wows". Last night— with the scrunched eyes and the breathy pants and the "fuck, right theres", and Haru feels sore and he bets Rin does as well.

"Haru, I know you're awake," Rin laughs, leaning down and kissing the soulmark, and Haru shivers.

"I know," Haru responds, feeling so giddy and happy that he doesn't even know what to do with himself. "I love you."

Rin smiles at him, eyes bright and smile sated. "I love you too."

Haru bites his lip and leans in to kiss Rin again who only lets him.

"You know, I've wanted to kiss you since before I even met you? I saw you in class and thought you were beautiful, but I was too shy to come up and talk to you. Until I saw you at the pool and decided to finally do it. You are beautiful, Haru," Rin confesses into his skin. Haru shivers.

"You're the reason I realized I liked boys. I was only nine years old, Rin, and I kept referring to you as 'the beautiful boy' in my head even though I knew your name," Haru admits and Rin kisses the tip of his nose.

"Thank you for existing in my life, Haruka Nanase," he says. Haru smiles and nods and looks up at the ceiling. He thinks he sees clouds, and for once, they aren't dark. They aren't scary and black and gray and all of those colors that make little kids afraid to go outside when it's so ominous like that.

"You're welcome. Also, ditto," Haru laughs and Rin laughs as well.

"Really? 'Ditto'? That's the best you could come up with? I'm here, trying to be all romantic, and all you can say is 'ditto'. Psh, how lame," Rin scoffs. Haru rolls his eyes.

"Why do I need to be romantic when you're being proper romantic for the pair of us?" Haru teases and Rin gasps dramatically.

"How rude, Haru," he says. "Do you know what should be done to stop that rude mouth of yours?"

"What, then?" Haru laughs. (He's never felt happier.)

Rin only kisses him in response.

Haru's dad figures it out soon enough and so do their friends and Rin and Haru can finally say that they met before any of them, which pisses Nagisa and Rei off a bit because before they held that title.

And then Rin is eighteen and Haru gets him a bracelet as well that is made up of all the promises they've made over the years and will continue to make. (He also gets him a couple of books, but those are lame.)

And then they're done with school and they don't know what to do about it except Rin thinks he wants to go into physical training and Haru, well Haru doesn't know what he wants to do. So soon enough, he gets a job working at a pool and he may not get paid very much, but he has Rin and he's happy nonetheless.

His father finds his stop running just three years later, exactly four days before Haru and Rin decide to travel the world together for a bit, and it's a lovely woman who found Haru's dad's wallet and started to chase after him after he started running away, thinking she was stalking him or something. Their story may be fun, but it doesn't compare to Haru and Rin's.

His mother visits him right before they leave and she cries and apologizes and introduces her new lover, who was born a boy, but identifies as a girl, and Haru can only forgive her because there's not use in not forgiving her. To be bitter is to lose a relationship so he just hugs her tight and she just smiles and says that she's so happy for the pair of them, and Rin tells Haru later on about the night she told Rin to protect Haru and he was only fourteen, but it meant the world to them.

And then they get to see everything and Haru realizes the world is actually quite beautiful if he ignores all the bad things about it. And he just looks at Rin's hand in his and decides he quite loves the feel of it, so when Rin proposes to him while they're visiting Italy, Haru of course says yes and whispers into his skin that night that there was no way he would've said no when they've been through so much already.

And it's perfect and those dark clouds that used to follow Haru around no matter where he went are gone now and instead, he sees rainbows and fireworks and beautiful things and most of all, he sees Rin.

And Rin sees him.

*I really enjoyed writing this one. I've always been a sucker for soulmate! aus and this was the perfect reason to write one :)

Anyway, leave reviews and tell me what you thought! It's nice knowing the feedback from y'all. Makes me feel like I'm not a shitty writer, which I usually think I am lol.

I love you all and

Merry Christmas, Happy late Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Ramadan, Happy Three Kings Day, Happy Boxing Day, Happy Omisoka, Happy Eid al Fitr, Happy Saint Nicholas Day, Feliz Fiesta of our Lady Guadalupe, Happy St. Lucia Day, Happy Saturnalia, and/or Happy Yule!

Bai guys.

-DiAnna44 :)

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