BARRISCO MONTH 2015

FAKE DATING
Cisco: So, mission accomplished.
Barry: Mission accomplished.
Cisco: It took a month, but you did it. You managed to convince my mother that we're dating, that we've been dating, that we're serious, and she gave it to you.
Barry: It was not easy.
Cisco: She guards those family recipes with her life.
Barry: No, I mean, I thought you were exaggerating, but she really does. I thought I was actually going to have to propose to you in front of her and maybe even start planning the wedding before she would believe me.
Cisco: You did use tongue over desert. And in front of Abuela. I admire your commitment to the cause.
Barry: Those were some good tamales. Why did we have to do that anyway? It's a family recipe. Why wouldn't she give it to you?
Cisco: Oh, she did.
Barry: What?! But you said… you said the only way she'd give that recipe over was if she thought we were in a serious, committed relationship!
Cisco: To you. I've had that recipe for years.
Barry: But, then… why?!
Cisco: About two months ago, I realized I was way into you, but I wasn't sure if you were into me. So, I figured if I told you we had to pretend to be dating, it would be an easy way to gauge your interest.
Barry: You could have just asked!
Cisco: Yeah, but this was more fun.
Barry: For real? You've been playing me for a month just to find out if I was into you?
Cisco: Oh, no, I knew you were into me by like day three. I just kept it going to see how it would work out.
Barry: Yeah, and how did it work out?
Cisco: That depends.
Barry: On what?
Cisco: Where you end up sleeping tonight.
Barry: That is… actually one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me.
Cisco: Right?
Barry: I should probably call Joe.
Cisco: Why?
Barry: To let him know I'm not coming home tonight.
Cisco: My game is on point!
Barry: Shut up and kiss me before I change my mind.

CISCO'S ORAL FIXATION
Caitlin: Barry, have you seen Cisco?
Barry: Huh?
Caitlin: Cisco? Have you seen him?
Barry: Right! No, no I haven't… hm, seen him in a… a while… now.
Caitlin: Is something wrong?
Barry: No. No, nothing's… wrong.
Caitlin: Ooookay. If you see him, let him know I need his help. My centrifuge is acting up. I want him to take a look at it. *walks off*
Barry: *looks under the desk* Caitlin needs you to look at her centrifuge later. I'm pretty sure that's not a euphemism.
Cisco: *muffled agreement*
Barry: Don't talk with your mouth full.
Cisco: *thumbs up*

JEALOUSY
Cisco: Did you see that?!
Barry: I was standing right here.
Cisco: Lisa Snart full on kissed me.
Barry: I saw.
Cisco: She's so hot, too. Like you hot, only she's a total bad ass.
Barry: I could be a bad ass.
Cisco: No offense, Barry, but, no, you couldn't.
Barry: I could! I could wear a leather jacket and ride a motorcycle.
Cisco: And form fitting leather pants?
Barry: Yes!
Cisco: Done. *walks off*
Barry: Wait, what just happened?

THEATER AU
Barry: I don't think this is what they meant by Theater AU.
Cisco: Have either of us ever, in canon, had sex of any kind in a movie theater?
Barry: Well, no, but…
Cisco: Would you, under normal circumstances, exchange hand jobs in public?
Barry: No! I work for the CCPD. Do you have any idea what getting arrested for indecent exposure would do to my career?
Cisco: Right and, to further that, I would never allow you to distract my focus from a Star Wars movie marathon, no matter how times I've seen them. Therefore, I'm pretty this counts as an Alternate Universe.
Barry: Fair enough. Continue.

SOULMATES
Barry: What is that on your arm?
Cisco: Check it, we're soulmates.
Barry: That not… you can't just write someone's name on your arm in sharpy and claim your soulmates. That's not how that works.
Cisco: Does in fanfic. Besides, are you saying we're not soulmates? That you don't love me?
Barry: No, I'm not… It's just… look, you're my best friend, and the sex is beyond amazing, and we have like almost everything in common and I love hanging out with you and did I mention the sex? But soulmates aren't… I mean, I'm really into you and this and… and everything, it's just…
Cisco: *breaks down laughing*
Barry: For real?!
Cisco: You're face right now? Worth it.
Barry: You're a dick.
Cisco: We're totally soulmates.
Barry: Yeah.

SWITCHING POWERS
Cisco: *calls Barry* Barry! Barry, I need you at S.T.A.R. Labs!
Barry: *runs to S.T.A.R. Labs* What? Is someone in trouble?
Cisco: No, I've made this new toy we have to try.
Barry: …toy?
Cisco: Not that kind of toy. Although… no, never mind. Okay, don't say no right away, just hear me out. This will allow us to – wait for it – switch our powers.
Barry: No.
Cisco: Come on!
Barry: No, I'm not switching powers with you.
Cisco: Just for a day.
Barry: I don't want blinding headaches and visions. I'll stick with super speed, thank you very much.
Cisco: If you switch powers with me, just for one day, I'll do that vibrating thing with the back of my throat that you always do.
Barry: That… I don't hate that idea.
Cisco: Right?
Barry: Okay, but just one day?
Cisco: One day. Hold this.
Barry: *holds it* And if there's an emergency, we switch back.
Cisco: *activates device* No promises.
Barry: Wait…
Cisco: *runs*
Barry: Damnit!

MEETING THE RELATIVES
Cisco: I don't understand. I've already met all your family.
Barry: Technically, but now that we're dating, Joe's going to want to introduce you to his BFG, which he considers a part of the family.
Cisco: BFG? Please tell me that stands for Big Friendly Giant.
Barry: Almost. BoyFriend Gun.
Cisco: How is "BoyFriend Gun" anything even remotely similar to "Big Friend Giant"? One has the word friendly in it and the other is a gun.
Barry: Guns can be friendly. It just depends on which end of it is pointed at you.
Cisco: I take it back, I'm not doing this. *walks away*
Barry: Cisco, come back! I was kidding. It's Iris's Grandmother! Cisco!

POLY/THREESOME
Cisco: Iris?
Barry: I think we've established she doesn't see me that way, let alone you.
Cisco: Patty? She's totally into you.
Barry: Yeah, but I don't get the feeling she's up for a threesome. I'll ask, but let's keep our options open.
Cisco: Lisa Snart?
Barry: No way! She's a little too into you. If you want Lisa Snart, I want Captain Cold.
Cisco: 'Kay, first of all, hell no. I'm not letting his too-toned ass anywhere near you. And second, ew, that's incest. I may have said kinky, but I didn't mean that kinky. Besides, that's not a threesome, it's an orgy. We distinctly agreed on a threesome.
Barry: *thinks* What about Hartley?
Cisco: Dude, no, this was supposed to be my birthday sex. Why would you even think I'd want to spend it with him?
Barry: Didn't you two have a thing?
Cisco: What makes you think that? Why does everyone just assume Hartley and I…
Barry: Caitlin said she caught you in one of the labs before he was fired. Three times.
Cisco: Fine, but Patty first. If she turns you down, then we go looking for Hartley.
Barry: What if he says no? Shouldn't we have another backup?
Cisco: Trust me. *chuckles* He won't say no.
Barry: … Never mind, I don't want Hartley.
Cisco: Fine, then I don't want Patty.
Barry: Yeah, then what do you want?
Cisco: You in robes, calling me Headmaster while I paddle you.
Barry: Fine! Wait, what?
Cisco: No take backs. *walks off*
Barry: Every time! I fall for it every single time!

FUTURE AU/REUNION
*S.T.A.R. Labs reunion, 20 years in the future*
Barry: That desk over there.
Cisco: My lab.
Barry: All over the cortex.
Cisco: The hospital gurney.
Barry: Against the vending machine on third.
Cisco: The Reverse-Flash's secret lair.
Barry: The…
Caitlin: Would you two stop listing all the places you had sex while we were working here?
Barry: Caitlin's computer chair.
Cisco: Twice.
Caitlin: *deep breath* I had Jay put on Barry's suit for a night. It was a tight fit, but he managed.
Barry: How could you?!
Cisco: Yeah, that's not Barry's suit, it's mine!
Barry: For real? That's your problem with that?

FOR SCIENCE
Caitlin: What the… Why is this locked? *knocks* Is someone in there?
Cisco: Little busy!
Caitlin: Doing what?
Cisco: Uh… science?
Caitlin: …Is Barry in there with you?
Cisco: Maybe.
Barry: Hey, Caitlin.
Caitlin: It's not science if you're both naked!
Cisco: I have a chart that says otherwise!
Caitlin: Oh for the… just come get me when your done.

MONSTER AU
Cisco: Role play Wednesday! I'm so psyched. Okay, Barry, it's your turn. What are we dong?
Barry: Vampires.
Cisco: As in, both of us, or…
Barry: No, that's no fun. I'm the vampire, you're the victim, helplessly drawn in by my preternatural charms.
Cisco: Okay, just hold up a second, what kind of vampire are we talking about?
Barry: What kinds are there?
Cisco: Well, are we doing Blade, or is this a Twilight sort of thing?
Barry: First of all, if you ever mention that unholy piece of preteen trash in my presence again, I will cut you off for a week.
Cisco: No, you won't.
Barry: And there is only one kind of vampire. *pops his collar* Lost Boys.
Cisco: Dios mio, you are so hot right now.

HIGH SCHOOL AU
Barry: Hey, um, have you seen Iris West? About this high, dark skin, long hair, red shirt?
Cisco: No. I was supposed to be meeting my friend Caitlin here five minutes ago, but she never showed.
Barry: Huh, that's weird. I, uh, I like your shirt.
Cisco: Thanks.
Barry: Star Wars, right?
Cisco: Yeah.
Barry: I'm Barry.
Cisco: Cisco.
Barry: So, I was supposed to be running lines with Iris for the musical, but since she's not here, would you mind helping me out? I have an audition tomorrow.
Cisco: What? Oh, no, that's, yeah, of course. Sure.
Barry: Thanks. Hey, and after, you want to maybe go get a Slurpee or something? Well, I mean, two slurpees, not like we'd share one or… They put in a new flavor at the 711 down the street and I haven't tried it yet.
Cisco: Kiwi Strawberry! It's awesome.
Barry: Great. … Is that a yes?
Cisco: Oh, right, yes. That's a… a definite yes.
*behind the curtain*
Iris/Caitlin: *silent fist bump*

"OUR SUIT"
Barry: Oh, so when I'm out there trying to save lives, it's our suit, but when you jump me after a mission and make me cum in my pants, suddenly it's my suit?!
Cisco: Have fun cleaning your suit, man.

GUILT/REGRET
Cisco: Not that I'm complaining, but you've been really sweet tonight. You made dinner, bought me a candy bouquet, rubbed me feet. Is something wrong?
Barry: No, nothings… why would you think that? Can't I just be nice to my boyfriend for a day? Can't I just love you and want to express how awesome and perfect you are without you questioning my motives?
Cisco: Barry, what did you do?
Barry: Nothing!
Cisco: Barry…
Barry: I… IdeletedthelatestepisodeofWalkingDeadfromtheDVR.
Cisco: You what?!
Barry: I'm sorry!
Cisco: But… but that's the episode where we find out if Glen is really dead!
Barry: I know and I can't let you download it, because that's illegal and I work for the CCPD. I'd have to turn you in.
Cisco: Barry, we do illegal things all the time.
Barry: That's different. We do those illegal things to save people.
Cisco: Oh, this'll save someone.
Barry: I don't…
Cisco: It'll save you. From never getting into my pants ever again.
Barry: …I suppose I could go take a walk and if you just happen to recover the episode while I'm gone, I won't ask any questions.
Cisco: You do that.

MOVIE NIGHT
Cisco: Barry, what are you doing? Barry, stop it. Dude, I'm watching the movie!
Barry: I thought you wanted to Netflix and Chill.
Cisco: Yeah, I wanted to watch Netflix and chill with my boyfriend.
Barry: That's not what Netflix and Chill means. It's an excuse to… you know.
Cisco: Okay, first of all, we don't need an excuse. If you wanted to 'you know' all you had to do was ask. Second, if that's what you wanted, you should have put on something other than Monty Python and the Holy Grail, one of my all time favorite movies ever.
Barry: *pout*

ONE GOES TO THE DARK SIDE WHILE THE OTHER DOESN'T AU
Cisco: Caitlin, it's horrible!
Barry: It's not that bad.
Cisco: Don't come any closer. I will not be swayed over to the Dark Side by your puppy dog eyes and hollow apologies.
Caitlin: What dark side? What's going on?
Cisco: He's been keeping secrets…
Barry: It wasn't a secret. You never asked.
Cisco: I shouldn't have to. That's the kind of thing you share with someone you love. We could have gotten you help.
Barry: This is ridiculous.
Caitlin: Would someone please just tell me what's going on here?
Cisco: Go ahead, Barry. Tell her.
Barry: I accidentally let it slip that I like Star Trek better than Star Wars. *to Cisco* It's not that I hate Star Wars. I just prefer Star Trek.
Cisco: How do you sleep at night?
Caitlin: I told you not to tell him.
Cisco: What?!
Barry: I'm sorry. We were… and he vibed me. I can't exactly lie my way out of that.
Caitlin: You could reset the timeline.
Barry: He'd remember.
Caitlin: But… now how are we going to sneak out once a week to binge watch Star Trek? We just started the Next Generation.
Cisco: I am so disappointed in both of you right now.

UNREQUITED
Cisco: Sometimes, I just wish that you loved me the way I love you. I know that in the grand scheme of things I am but one of your many admirers and it's foolish to wish for anything more, but I look at you and I get butterflies in my stomach. My mouth waters at the sight of you, my fingers itch to touch your smooth…
Barry: Cisco, would you stop talking to your Twizzler and get back to work? We have a meta-human to contain.

COFFEE SHOP AU
Iris: *spills coffee on customer* Oh, god, I'm sorry!
Barry: Iris! Go get some napkins. I'm so sorry. She's not usually that clumsy.
Cisco: It's fine. Really.
Barry: I'm Barry. What did you have? I'll make you another one.
Cisco: Cisco and a triple shot espresso.
Barry: That is some serious caffeine. Addiction or deadline?
Cisco: Both. I work at S.T.A.R. Labs.
Barry: Right, the particle accelerator! I've been reading about that, the physics is fascinating. Is it still on schedule to go online next month?
Cisco: Yeah. Maybe. It depends on how good that coffee is.
Barry: Then it's a good thing I make the best coffee in Central City.
Cisco: I've got a thing, for work, but, would you maybe want to go out later? To a movie, or… something?
Barry: Are you asking me on a date?
Cisco: That depends. Are you saying yes?
Barry: I'm definitely not saying no.
*other side of the cafe*
Iris/Caitlin: *silent fist bump*

BLIND DATE
*After Doctor Light blinds him*
Cisco: We should go out.
Barry: What? Why? I can't see anything.
Cisco: No, it'll be nice. Dinner, a stroll, it'll be a…
Barry: Don't say it.
Cisco: …blind date. *laughing*
Barry: For real? You're as bad as Captain Cold.
Cisco: Hey now, that was uncalled for.

BODY SWAP
Cisco: Oh my god, Barry, what are you doing!?
Barry: What?
Cisco: Where am I? What is this? Are we in a supply closet?
Barry: …Cisco?
Cisco: What? No, I'm… *looks at hand, clothes, touches his face* I'm Cisco. Oh my god, I'm Cisco! Oh my god, you were kissing Cisco! How long has this been going on?
Barry: …Caitlin?
Cisco/Caitlin: Of course it's Caitlin, who else would it be?
Barry: …
Cisco/Caitlin: Right, sorry. Is this where the two of you have been sneaking off to for the last few weeks?
Barry: …Hey, Caitlin.
Cisco/Caitlin: Don't 'Hey, Caitlin' me.
Caitlin/Cisco: *knocks on door* Barry? Caitlin? I think I know what that meta-human's power was!

SOCIAL MEDIA AU
*on facebook*
Cisco: Do I know you?
Barry: No, why?
Cisco: You sent me a friend request?
Barry: I don't think so.
Cisco: Check again.
Barry: Sorry, I stand corrected. I honestly don't remember doing that, but it says we have two friends in common. Iris is my kind-of sister. I'm not sure who Caitlin Snow is or how she got friended on my account.
Cisco: I work with Caitlin, but I've never met Iris. Hey, you don't think they'd...
Barry: I do. At least, I know Iris would.
Cisco: Are we being set up?
Barry: I think so.
Cisco: We should get even.
Barry: You want to meet at Jitters to discuss a plan?
Cisco: Tomorrow at five thirty work for you?
Barry: Done.
*in the hall*
Iris: *texting: fist bump emoji*
Caitlin: *texting: fist bump emoji*

VILLAIN
Cisco: That's just evil.
Barry: You said you wanted me to role play as a villain.
Cisco: There's villain and then there's evil. Not even Eobard Thawne would have spoiled the new Star Wars movie for me.

DISNEY (Land/World)
Barry: Okay. Open your eyes.
Cisco: Is this what I think it is?
Barry: I know I took our Villain role play a little too far last week…
Cisco: That is a serious understatement.
Barry: So, to make it up to you. Disney World!
Cisco: As awesome as this is and it is really, really awesome. It doesn't make up for what you did.
Barry: There's a replica of an AT-AT. Later tonight, I'll sneak us in and blow you under it.
Cisco: Mr. Allen, that would be a gross misuse of your powers.
Barry: Will it get me out of the doghouse and off the couch?
Cisco: Definitely.
Barry: Then it's worth it.

CROSSOVER
Barry: Due to what the author considers 'standards' she can't bring herself to write a crossover.
Cisco: We've tried talking her into it. We've made suggestions. Supernatural.
Barry: Teen Wolf.
Cisco: Harry Potter.
Barry: Criminal Minds.
Cisco: The Avengers. But she simply refuses. So, I guess we're just going to have to sit here having sex with each other.
Author: The way canon intended!
Barry: There is nothing canon about what you make us do!

MISLTETOE
Cisco: I thought we were only supposed to kiss under the mistletoe.
Barry: We're making new traditions.
Cisco: That one's gonna be awkward at Joe's Christmas party.

GENDER SWAP
Barry: Cisco, what happened? Wait, what's wrong with my voice?!
Cisco: Due to an unforeseen and completely unavoidable accident you've been… um…
Barry: Been what? I feel shorter. Am I shorter?
Cisco: Among other things.
Barry: Wait, are these… Do I have breasts? Cisco, what the hell did you do to me?!
Cisco: It was an accident. I had no idea it would actually work.
Barry: What the hell am I supposed to do now? I have work in an hour.
Cisco: Well, obviously, you'll have to call in sick.
Barry: I can't call in anywhere, I sound like a girl. I am a girl!
Cisco: Then we'll have Joe call in for you. Look, the point is, my best guess is that we have twelve hours before this wears off.
Barry: …and?
Cisco: And… *wags eyebrows*
Barry: For real?! You did this on purpose, didn't you?
Cisco: Are you saying no?
Barry: Of course not. You really think I'm gonna pass this up? Huh. Do my boobs look small to you?
Cisco: They're perfect.

INSECURITY
Cisco: I don't know
Barry: Cisco, it's fine.
Cisco: I just need five more minutes,
Barry: Baby, I love you and you are adorable, but we're already late.
Cisco: That's ironic coming from you.
Barry: I'm serious.
Cisco: But…
Barry: You're hair is perfect.
Cisco: You're just saying that because there are steaks.
Barry: Why can't it be both?

COLD
Cisco: Now, I know we said no anniversary presents, but I got you something anyway.
Barry: Why is Leonard Snart tied to a chair in our living room?
Cisco: Consider it a thank you for being, like, the best boyfriend ever.
Snart: I'm finding this less amusing by the second.
Cisco: Shut up, Captain Cold, or I put the gag back in.
Snart: I dare you to get closer.
Cisco: *steps back*
Barry: Cisco, how did you even manage this?
Cisco: Lisa helped. She said he'd be into it.
Snart: I'm not into it. … Okay, I'm a little into it. Not usually the one tied up, though.
Cisco: See, he's into it.
Barry: I don't know.
Cisco: I thought you wanted this.
Barry: No, it's just… I was kidding before. I mean, he's hot, but he's not you. I love you.
Cisco: Really?
Barry: Yeah.
Cisco: I love you, too.
Barry/Cisco: *kissing*
Snart: That's great. Sweet.
Barry/Cisco: *continue kissing*
Snart: Could someone untie me now?
Barry/Cisco: *moving to the bedroom*
Snart: Or at least turn the chair so I can get a better view?

DREAMS
Barry: And then Caitlin turns into Lisa Snart and Oliver passes her off to Dr. Wells – the evil Wells, Eobard Thawne – and Leonard Snart is watching on the side lines, nodding in approval while Mick Rory is chasing a snake around the room with a flame thrower. Then the snake slithers onto the dance floor and Lisa crushes it with her heels and Joe pops out of a closet lecturing everyone on how hard it is to get snake guts out of carpet and that's when I realize that we'd had S.T.A.R. Labs floors redone in hunter green shag carpet.
Cisco: …When you said you had a crazy dream you couldn't wait to tell me about, that's really not what I was expecting.

LIFEGUARD AU
Cisco: Who knew impersonating a lifeguard was illegal?
Barry: I did. Cisco, I knew because I work for the police.
Cisco: Well then why didn't you tell me?
Barry: Because I didn't know you were planning on showing up at the public pool pretending to be a lifeguard so we could have what you described at kinky lifeguard sex. What the hell is kinky lifeguard sex, anyway?!
Cisco: How could you not know that's what I had planned? It's role play Wednesday.
Barry: Role play Wednesday sucks!
Cisco: You love role play Wednesday!
Barry: I do, but I don't love having to bail my boyfriend out of jail. At least they let you off with a warning. Just, next time, tell me when you're planning something that doesn't involve the safety of our apartment.
Cisco: Deal. Now, I have a red Speedo and a life preserver. Do you still want to know what kinky lifeguard sex is?
Barry: Do you promise to keep it in the bedroom?
Cisco: I can live with that.

NEW YEAR'S EVE
Caitlin: Aw, look at them. They didn't even make it to midnight. Should we wake them up?
Iris: No, let them sleep.
Caitlin: It's been a hard year.
Iris: Yeah. I'm glad Barry has someone to help him through it.
Caitlin: Me too. Cisco needed this.
Iris: You ever wonder if Barry had changed the time line whether we all would have even met?
Caitlin: I like to think we would have found a way.
Iris: What about them? Do you think they would have gotten together?
Caitlin: I don't know. Cisco always has his head in the clouds.
Iris: *chuckles* And Barry can be so blind sometimes. We would have to practically throw them at each other.
Caitlin: But once they met?
Iris: Instant best friends.
Caitlin: Love at first site.
Iris: *laughing softly* Why, Dr. Snow, I never knew you were such a hopeless romantic. Come on, let's go find the others before they start the countdown without us.
Caitlin/Iris: *walk off*
Barry: Are they gone?
Cisco: *cracks eye open* Yeah.
Barry: Finally! Ready to ring in the New Year?
Cisco: Wait, is this a new tradition?
Barry: Totally.
Cisco: Awesome.